17th Feb 2010

• Jude speaks (and sounds like a …)
• Helen’s not a heifer!

Jude speaks (and sounds like a ...)

… well, a teenage boy trapped in a 28 year old’s body. That could explain a lot.

Pip thinks he’s perfect, but I’m not so sure.

First off, he’s dating a girl (not a woman – which, at his age, he should be)

And secondly – didn’t he come across as a bit of an arrogant know-it-all?

I can’t quite see how his ego will fit in the same kitchen as David’s. Ouch!


Helen’s not a heifer!

Superb scenes from bridge Farm – the Pat and Tony clan with some classic *snort* moments:

“Mum’s twittering around”

Hurrah! Can’t find Pat yet though on Twitter … maybe she’s there under a pseudonym

“A baby’s for life”

Too true Pat, Too true.

Tony gets top marks for:

Not understanding how Helen could have a baby by herself

“You don’t need a baby – you haven’t even got a boyfriend!”

“This isn’t an option ...it’s madness!”

“You’re not a heifer! It’s not like sending for the AI man ...”

And, on being partly responsible for existence of Tom’s sausages and Cheesestraw:

“That was normal”

(hmmmmm)

Though Pat does get a special mention for trying to be reasonable – even though Tom and Tony were about to push her into a rant.

Tony: “What sort of bloke becomes a sperm donor?”

Pat: “ A public spirited one”

Let’s hope Pat can indeed talk some sense into Helen.

While I think there’s nothing wrong with a woman choosing to have a baby solo, Helen’s simply not very emotionally stable.

Maybe that’s why Tom and Tony are reacting so badly – they know her better than most, and can probably foresee how much therapy that poor kid will need as it grows up.

Or I could be being completely unfair.

Helen does have a lot of love to give, and I have no doubt her baby wouldn’t lack for care and attention.

It just wouldn’t be able to make any sort of mess,
would be taken outside literally wrapped up in cotton wool
and would have a right old time trying to move out when it was old enough to do so.

Can you imagine how Helen would react when it brought its first boyfriend/girlfriend home? Methinks mummy wouldn’t want anyone else to take her place…

I think Tom’s was right (which is the first time I’ve ever thought that!) when he pointed out that Helen is only 30. She does indeed have plenty of time – and she needs to stop her feast/famine approach to going out and actually having a life.

I think Helen should adopt herself a retired greyhound. That way, she’d have someone to listen, adore and need her unconditionally – plus she’d have to leave the house to walk it. She might even meet the man of her dreams out walking his dog.

If you’re out there Helen – I have a foster greyhound who needs a forever home:

http://dgrescue.org.uk/id15.html