Friday, 31 December 2010

The Archers 31st Dec 2010: Nigel gives Elizabeth the brooch

  • Tom still has hope
  • Fallon still wants Harry
  • Nigel’s making Elizabeth redundant
  • How long before Lily and Freddie go postal?
  • “That main thing now is to have a jolly good time tonight and on Sunday”
  • The cows enjoyed their footspa
  • That yard tractor …
  • Nigel finally unveils his brooch
  • Too many couples being nice to each other

Tom still has hope … kinda

Talking to Brenda about still having hope that Helen will go to Bridge Farm for New Year, Tom isn’t going to let the idea go of his family making. But, Brenda is all doom and gloom:

[Brenda] “Helen is not going to budge … she and you’re dad are just stuck now and the rest of us are going to have to put up with it”

[Tom] “I’m not going to give up”

[Brenda] “You are lovely …”


Later on, Tom suggests to Tony that he and Pat should also turn up at The Bull – while Helen is there with Tom and co.

But Tony reckons it’ll be too complicated (Pat will be making food), and tells Tom to leave it.

[Tom] “All this stuff with damn Helen has been a bit of a downer … Things have got to be better by next year”


Fallon still wants Harry

[Brenda] “I wasn’t the only one who noticed …. Tristram’s review … saying something about genuine warmth between the two one leads … Vicky’s been predicting orange blossom by the end of the year”

(after looking it up, it seems Orange Blossoms are a traditional flower for a bride’s hair – ‘to gather orange blossoms’ means ‘to seek a wife’)

[Brenda] “You sure you haven’t got something to tell me?”

[Fallon] “Well, nothing you want to hear”

Later on, as Brenda and Fallon have lunch, Brenda’s bursting with curiosity. To be fair to Brenda, she can’t have a very exciting life with Tom ….

“So … you and Harry!”

Swearing Brenda to secrecy, Fallon reveals that she does really like Harry and that “there was definitely something there” when they had their first kiss, and had hoped it would be the start of her and Harry.

But after that … when we did the kiss … it was just a Panto kiss. So I started to think he just didn’t want it to be obvious to the rest of the cast. So last week, I invited him over to run our lines, just him and me … but on the nigh …t we ran our lines. And not even upstairs. He didn’t even come up to my room. He just said down here is fine, so we sat in a corner of the bar!”

Poor Fallon had even got a CD and some aromatherapy candles at the ready. But it wasn’t to be.

[Fallon] “Seems the guys I like over ever see me as a mate. Ed, and now Harry as well”

[Brenda] “Maybe he’s just shy? We don’t know what experience of women he had before he came to Ambridge …”

[Fallon] “It’s finished. I’m not doing anything more”

Oh dear.

But it is probably for the best. There’s something not quite right with Saint Harry …

Nigel’s making Elizabeth redundant

Well, not literally. He’s just been so busy sorting everything out at Lower Loxley, she doesn’t have anything to do. Hence, Elizabeth feels she is redundant.

[Nigel] “Come to Lizzie, you could never be that”

Hmmmm. Is this proof that Nigel could cope without Elizabeth if she was no longer around …

How long before Lily and Freddie go postal?

Not content with ruining their Christmas holidays with extra homework, Elizabeth is now making the twins angry again by making them sort out their schoolbags. There’s just no let up!

Even Nigel remembers how depressing it was to get ready for going back to school. He seemingly was depressed when it was time to sharpen his pencils …

“That main thing now is to have a jolly good time tonight and on Sunday”

It’s difficult to not read into everything and anything that’s said ahead of Sunday’s anniversary special, but the odds are high that the Archer gathering at Lower Loxley will end in disaster.

The cows enjoyed their footspa

Aw, that’s a nice way for them to end their 2010.

That yard tractor …

Just leave it be, Tony. Especially when it’s cold and dark.

I don’t think the family could cope with a repeat of John’s death.

Nigel finally unveils his brooch

Over which Elizabeth sounds suitably stunned. Even though it was “mummy’s”

Not sure what the whole point of this brooch is (how it was found, cleaned etc), and it could just be another red herring.

Or not.

Could it be something for Elizabeth to remember Nigel by?

Too many couples being nice to each other

Tom and Brenda – with Brenda saying: “I’m just glad I’ve got you”

Nigel and Elizabeth – with Nigel again saying “I’m a one woman man” (that’s twice he’s said that now in as many days) and “I wanted you to wear it and know how much you mean to me”, the both declaring their love for each other.

Ooooh. Ominous indeed.

Thursday, 30 December 2010

The Archers Thurs 30th Dec 2010: The Panto Review

  • Tristam’s review
  • Ominous that Elizabeth is so annoyed with Nigel?
  • Edgar’s lost his spanner
  • Joe’s latest scam

Tristam’s review

[snippets from the review]

“Is feline fine … Veteran directs … unpacks a box of treats … bold casting … never lost sign of the Dame’s vulnerability …”

“… the sometimes over enthusiastic over projection of rat 1 … and the refined tones of rat 2”

“A dream pairing of Danny La Rue and Jimmy Krankie”

Lynda seems delighted about the review. Even though she sighed a ‘hmmmm’ at being called a ‘veteran’.

Eddie and Jazzer aren’t so happy. Eddie was rat 1

[Eddie] “What’s he saying? Have I got a loud voice?”

And Jazzer was Jimmy to Nigel’s Danny …

[Eddie] “I reckon he’s on summit”

Ominous that Elizabeth is so annoyed with Nigel?

As Nigel is checking on the progress of the brooch, Elizabeth still hasn’t calmed down from his a-wandering yesterday.

She’s angry he has fans (because of the Panto), she’s angry that it sounds like he’s now doing ticket sales (because the brooch man asked him if there was any left), she’s angry he’s the star of the show, and she’s angry that he was running around on Lynda’s command yesterday.

Boy – is she angry!

Better watch out for words spoken in anger being the last …

[Nigel] “I’m a one woman man, and tomorrow Lizzie will have the proof”

Edgar’s lost his spanner

Or someone has stolen it.

He’s also furious that the Ice Rink folks churned up the edge of the lawn, where the crocuses come up.

Hmmm. As was said on Twitter, watch out for where that spanner ends up on 2nd Jan. Could be a case of in the drawing room, with the spanner???

Joe’s latest scam

After failing to get Susan to take the last of his mistletoe in the village shop for TEAs, Joe comes up with a new plan.

(TEAs are Transition Equivalent in Ambridge – Ambridge money which can only be spent in Ambridge)

He’s somehow going to make money out of those folks who want ‘the good life’ by helping them to grow their own mistletoe.

Hmmm. I’m eager to hear more (and how!)

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

The Archers Wed 29th Dec 2010: Nigel disappoints Elizabeth but delights Lynda

  • Tony wants to give his cows a footbath
  • Complicated?
  • Sparks for Heather and Jim?
  • Nae need for Worchester
  • Tom’s right (ugh!)
  • The horror of rouge on a white wig
  • Tony’s not surprised
  • Parrots and bosoms

Tony wants to give his cows a footbath

With the whole family working from Bridge Farm buying with getting orders done in time for New Year, Pat’s quite put-out that Tony wants to give his cows a footbath.

Tony is in overdrive in an attempt to avoid and forget his argument with Helen, but Pat also reckons that this time of year is always bad for Tony.

He gets down due to the lack of daylight.

Did I hear that right? Could we have a happier Tony if we bought him one of those SAD lights?

That’d be brilliant. It might also stop his egomania and paranoia.

Tony’s heard that Helen spent yesterday tidying Ambridge Organic’s stock room, then putting up curtains. So, Tony concludes that Helen wasn’t really tired at Ian’s party.

Oh for goodness sake! You’re as bad as each other.


David’s an odd ‘un sometimes.

What’s so complicated about Ruth driving Heather and Pip to the train station, with Pip then driving Ruth back?

Sparks for Heather and Jim?

Never mind the 60th Anniversary and ‘Shakes Ambridge to the Core’ (SATTC) – what happened between Heather and Jim?

Nae need for Worchester

Nigel’s on again about the brooch he found. Which he wants to give to Elizabeth at New Year, but needs to get it cleaned in time.

I still don’t get the big deal. Here’s hoping the brooch has some sort of curse … turning Elizabeth into a Julia Pargetter clone!

Running out of options, Nigel was facing even having to go as far as Worchester to get it sorted.

But David saves the day – he knows a retired chap in Felpersham who Nigel manages to get the broach to.


I was worried there (!).

Tom’s right (ugh!)

I am very concerned that the whole ‘situation’ between Helen and Tony is resulting in Tom coming across as a rational and kinda nice guy.

What is the world coming to?

Tom was right that Helen’s protest against everyone fussing was better than them not fussy at all – AND he manages to persuade Helen to at least go out with their mates before the bells at New Year.

Helen’s refusing to go to Bridge Farm for the bells – instead wants to stay at home, and be in bed by 10pm. Which is quite a common reaction for quite a lot of folks to New Year celebrations.

[Helen] “Mum will be disappointed I know, I’m sorry … It’d only be more of the same … what make things up? No. No matter how many presents he buys, deep down he just can’t change the way he feels about the baby”

Tom did well to get Helen to change her mind to at least go out for a bit, but had to admit defeat in getting her to Bridge Farm.

I actually feel sorry for Tom stuck between Pat/Tony and Helen. And I feel sorry for myself that I’m starting to have a grudging respect for Tom in how he’s coping and dealing with such a rift in his family.

The horror of rouge on a white wig

Lynda calls Nigel, just as he’s returning from his dash to Felpersham on his brooch mission, in an utter flap about his wig.

It would seem that there is rouge on Nigel’s dame white wedding wig, which an attempt has been made upon to clean, resulting in a wig that now looks like dreadlocks.

The travesty!

[Lynda] “It would ruin the artistic unity of the scene ... surely I don’t have to explain the symbolism!”

Despite Nigel trying to stop Lynda corralling him into returning to Felpersham to get a new wig, and despite knowing that he’ll be in deep trouble with Elizabeth for disappearing from all the work at Lower Loxley for so long, Nigel heads back for the wig.

Well – what’s a roasting from Elizabeth when you have Lynda on your back during Panto time?

[Lynda] “The entire artistic endeavour of this Panto depends on you. Goodbye!”

[Nigel] “Well when you put it like that, it’s a case of turn again, Pargetter, I suppose”

Tony’s not surprised

And actually sounds like he doesn’t care.

[Tony] “It hardly comes as a great surprise to hear that Helen doesn’t want to see me … what’s the point … just leave it”

Tony now expects Helen to avoid him, and doesn’t seem interested in trying to mend their relationship.

My word – Tony is hardly Father of the Year! I always thought parents never gave up on their kids …

Parrots and bosoms

At tonight’s Panto, David’s parrot needs to be sorted so that it doesn’t keep getting caught on his earring.


[Nigel] “Are my bosoms straight?”

[David] “They are spectacular!”

Just a few more *snort* moments to keep us a bit chirpy post-Christmas.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

The Archers Tues 28th Dec 2010: Panto Opening Night

  • Jazzer’s on-hand to fix Fallon’s clothes
  • The fan-club’s on hand to watch Jazzer sing
  • (and again Jazzer): Scottish Stereotypes #749
  • Harry looks like Amy Whitehouse
  • Tristam Hawkshaw
  • “Oh, she is hyper”
  • Wishful thinking on Harry and Fallon
  • Oscar stroking Sabrina – too wrong!

Jazzer’s on-hand to fix Fallon’s clothes

[Fallon] “Come on Jazzer! You’d have thought you enough practise getting girls out of their clothes … just reverse the process”

And Jazzer does indeed to fix Fallon’s sash.


The fan-club’s on hand to watch Jazzer sing

Or at least, that’s Jazzer’s take on why it’s a full house for the Panto’s opening night.

Shame we didn’t get to hear his sing…

(and again Jazzer): Scottish Stereotypes #749

[Jazzer] “Bagpipes, kilt, fist-fitting, the lot!”

They missed out irn-bru, shortbread, haggis, tossing the caber ….

Anyhoo – Jazzer is Fallon’s great hope for a great Hogmanay.

I wonder what could do wrong ….

Harry looks like Amy Whitehouse

But Nigel is more than enjoying his make-up.


Tristam Hawkshaw

[Lynda] “He could be my nemesis”

Lynda is horrified to see Tristam Hawkshaw, the new director of FLOSS (Felpersham Light Opera Society) turn up at the Panto.

She gets even more worried as she sees him talking notes.

[Lynda] “You don’t know about the bitter rivalry … Larry Lovell will have dripped poison in his ear … he’s obviously going to give me his production notes”

But – all ends well. Seems Tristam is writing a review for The Echo.

“Oh, she is hyper”

So says Nigel about Lynda.

With a few last minute directions for her cast:

[Lynda] “Less of the late night reveller from Idle Jack, Jazzer”

Lynda isn’t letting up.

She places the entire success of the second half onto Harry’s shoulders (no pressure there then!)

Wishful thinking on Harry and Fallon

Everyone seems to be determined that Harry and Fallon are an item.

Corriander seems to see a buzz between them.

And Lynda tries to ask Harry, one last time:

[Lynda] “There’s nothing more you want to tell me?”

[Harry] “What? Me and Fallon? Nothing like that”

And there was no repeat of the rather monumental snog of the rehearsal.

Both Fallon and Harry were back to being their normal, wooden, Panto selves.

Oscar stroking Sabrina – too wrong!

Oscar got his special audience with Sabrina (as the cat).

Not only did Sabrina audibly meow again (seriously – let the woman speak, now that she’s found her vocal cords) – but she seemed to get far too into the stroking for my liking.

That, in itself, wasn’t wrong – but the reaction of all the adult men was odd. Bizarre. Wrong (?)

They basically were basically thinking the equivalent of ‘go on my son! Give her one for me’.

Reminder: Oscar is 14 months …

The Archers Mon 27th Dec 2010: Ian and Adam’s party

  • “You’ve got a hard act to follow after Susan’s do”
  • “They’re quite a tribe”
  • Jennifer and Keith?
  • Helen wants to leave Ambridge!
  • Adam has twins
  • What more than Nic did a good dinner?
  • Joe‘s still trying
  • Brian’s off to see John Humphries
  • Oscar and the pussy cat
  • Helen leaves early. Again.

“You’ve got a hard act to follow after Susan’s do …

… you weren’t tempted to invite all the Horrobin’s tonight for a return match?”

(said Brian to Adam)

[Adam] “No. We found that idea very resistant”

[Brian] “They’re quite a tribe … did I hear Bert Horrobin telling Ian he’s got grandsons called Ronaldo and Gerard Horrobin… extraordinary!”

[Brian] “Still, I have to hand it to them. They know how to enjoy themselves … even your mother was forced to admit she had a good time … the start of a beautiful friendship for her and Keith Horrobin”

Jennifer and Keith?

Just a thought.

We haven’t had a good affair in a while. The Shocker for the 60th anniversary?

Helen wants to leave Ambridge!

Well, just for the day, but when was the last time Helen wanted to “go further afield”?

Maybe her baby will be a good influence.

Though I suspect her desire to go a-wandering is more to do with staying away from Tony …

Anyhoo, Kirsty and Helen are off on a nice country walk, which soon turns into a bit of a trial for Kirsty.

Despite Helen being heavily pregnant, it’s Kirsty who’s huffing and puffing, desperately trying to get Helen to stop at one of the many pubs they’re passing.

[Helen] “If you’re hungry, you’re more than welcome to a cereal bar or an apple”

Poor Kirsty. Still:

[Kirsty] “I’m just relieved she didn’t give birth in a field”

That’d have truly been the ‘natural’ birth Helen yearns for.

Adam has twins

Think about it before you panic ….

It’s the start of lambing, with Adam’s first lambs being a rather difficult birth of twins.

Claire, their new student who arrived just as the first ewe was giving birth, had to get right in the thick of it to save the lambs.

They were tangled, with:

[Adam] “Presentation was no head three legs one of them a back leg”

They only managed to sort everything out by pushing the lambs back inside the ewe, with Claire having small enough hands to sort everything out.

Shall we be hearing more from the Claire of small hands?

What more than Nic did a good dinner?

Now Pat’s on about how Nic did the Grundy’s proud by cooking a good dinner, and mentioned that they all had a “nice Christmas”.

So was that it?

All that fuss over Will and Ed having to spend Christmas together. And it was “nice”.


Joe‘s still trying

Joe had been round to Ian and Adam with some tempting greenery to buy.

After not making any sales to the shoot, Joe’s now going round folks who are having parties to try and get a final few sales of his mistletoe and kissing boughs.

If God does love a trier, Joe will be well sorted.

Brian’s off to see John Humphries

At some sort of Conference in Oxford.

And that’s all I know so far (anyone else have an idea about this one?)

Oscar and the pussy cat

Lynda has had to accept that her 14 month grandson (Oscar) is too young to be able to sit through the whole Panto.

But he is going to have a special audience with Sabrina at the end.

He must really like cats …

Helen leaves early. Again.

[Tony] “She can hardly bear to be in the same room as me”

Helen does make it to Ian and Adam’s party, only to have to leave again as she’s tired.

Well, that’s at least her excuse.

She did manage to have a quick chat with Pat, but utterly avoided Tony. On leaving, she gave Ian and Pat a kiss, but only a “bye dad” to Tony.

So, she sets Tony off again in thinking everything she does is about him, and avoiding him:

[Tony] “I reckon she’s going to be tied for the rest of her pregnancy … when I’m around anyway”

No ego there then, Tony!

They’re really as bad as each other. Paranoid. Self-obsessed. Stubborn.

Here’s hoping the baby being born will actually help clear the air. This is all getting a tad tedious.

Monday, 27 December 2010

The Archers Sun 26th Dec 2010: Kenton and Nigel on the tiles

  • “Strictly speaking, I’m a footpad”
  • Helen left early again
  • “How many bedsteads does one stately home need?”
  • Up on the Roof
  • Jennifer hit it off with a Horrobin
  • What’s in Nigel’s crack?
  • What about the Grundy’s Christmas?

“Strictly speaking, I’m a footpad”

So says Nigel, as he dresses up (once again) as a Highway man.

Which is in response to Elizabeth jibing him that he’s a fool, but also quiet right in distinguishing his Highway Man as someone who accosts on foot rather than on horseback.

Slightly less kinky this time (he’s dressing up for the whole family, and Elizabeth doesn’t mistake him for her brother), Nigel’s quite taken with “Swishing around in that cloak”:

[Nigel] “I feel so dashing … and the children love me being No Mercy Nigel”

Whatever floats your boat, my fine gentry friend.

Helen left early again

We didn’t get to hear much about Christmas at Bridge Farm, but it seems Tom’s present from Tony was a lie-in on Boxing Day and Helen left early yet again.

Kathy and Jamie didn’t seem to spoil Tony’s day, but Helen so blatantly trying to escape his presence is hurting.

But Pat’s trying to out a positive slant on things:

[Pat] “But at least didn’t have a row”

And Helen also liked the cot they gave her.

Keen to try and get Helen to spend some time alone with him, Tony offers (via Pat) to put the cot up, but she escapes yet again. This time, she’s not home because she’s off out with Kirsty on a nice country walk.

Oh dear. Doesn’t like this is going to be resolved anytime soon.

Still, there’s always Adam and Ian’s party on Tuesday.

[Tony] “She won’t be able to ignore me, in civilised company”

We’ll see …

“How many bedsteads does one stately home need?”

Question asked the question, but Nigel gave no answer.

They’re up in Lower Loxley’s loft trying to find the New Year banner.

As well as a plethora of bedsteads, Kenton also finds a diver’s helmet.

Sounds like Nigel could solve all of Lower Loxley’s financial problems by a stint on Cash in the Attic.

Up on the Roof

After finding the New Year banner, Kenton has a brilliant idea to put the banner on the roof rather than only having it just above the front door. After all, it worked well previously with Elizabeth’s underwear (on the flagpole).

It was a bit of an ‘uh-oh!’ moment, but they managed to get the banner up without damage to the roof or falling off.

[Kenton] “Another triumph for the combined marketing brains of Archer and Pargetter, eh!”

Jennifer hit it off with a Horrobin

Keith Horrobin, to be precise (Susan’s brother).

Wonders will never cease!

What’s in Nigel’s crack?

A turquoise and pearl brooch, which Nigel reckons was ‘”mummy’s”.

After spotting something shiny in a crack in Lower Loxley’s floor, Nigel and Kenton use a Snail Pick to prise it out. Seemingly, there’s as many Snail Pick’s as bedposts lying around …

What happened next was very odd.

Kenton was all for Nigel keeping hold of the broach to give to Elizabeth next Christmas, but Nigel was hell-bent on giving it as a New Year gift.

Poo-pooing Nigel’s plan (shops will be shut until Wednesday, then he needs to persuade a jeweller to clean it in time), Nigel and Kenton got a bit over-excited about whether it could be done in time.

And that’s a new challenge set between them.

[Nigel] “I shall give this to Elizabeth on Saturday night – you see if I don’t!”

Eh? Am I missing something? What’s the big deal?

What about the Grundy’s’ Christmas?

We did hear that Nic cooked, but what about Will and Ed having to play nice?

What happened?

And how about Jill’s first Christmas without Phil?

Indeed – we got to hear very little about any of the other resident’s Christmas Day.

Maybe it was just quiet all round.

The Archers Fri 24th Dec 2010: Christmas Eve at the Carters

  • The canapés are delicious, but there’s clock watching
  • Alice and Chris know how to party
  • Debbie’s setting her watch by the rain
  • Heather and Jim had a nice time
  • Brenda’s asleep, Helen leaves early
  • Nigel and Elizabeth wrapping presents

The canapés are delicious, but there’s clock watching

Susan seems to have nailed the canapés, but it seems her party is a tad dull.

While she’s managing to make decent enough small talk with Jennifer, she’s annoyed with Neil for only talking about pigs and support, while Granddad Horrobin is loudly berating the canapés for not being “proper tackle”.

Jennifer’s prepared to stay until 11pm (which is a decent enough time to leave, with the midnight service as an excuse), but Lilian’s ready to “scoot off to The Bull” any moment now.

Enter Chris and Alice …

Alice and Chris know how to party

Although I still think Alice and Chris’ idea of party games saving Christmas Eve at the Carters was a rubbish idea, the guests seemed to love it!

Jennifer sounded quite giddy about winning a yo-yo, and folks were staying so long that Susan had run out of nibbles (though it sounded like cheese and ham rolls were Plan B).

So all’s well. The party is a success. And the Aldridges and Carters yet again socialise without any major problems.

*humph* Alice marrying Chris gave me such high promises of many a farce …

Debbie’s setting her watch by the rain

While Scuba diving.

Sounds jolly (!)

Heather and Jim had a nice time

Everyone’s prediction that Jim’s plans to take Heather to Jaxx for a night out would not be to Heather’s taste were quite right.

After seeing the lights, they found a quiet pub instead.

As it wasn’t a complete disaster, shall Heather be visiting Ambridge on a more regular basis?

Brenda’s asleep, Helen leaves early

Christmas Eve at Bridge Farm is always a sedate (and nicely Christmassy) affair, but it would seem Brenda was actually sedated (as she fell asleep). Maybe that’s how Tom’s managed to keep hold of her all these years …

But Helen is neither relaxed nor feeling the festive cheer.

She can’t look at Tony. And asks Tom to drive her room as soon as they’ve finished the tree.

So not forgiving and forgetting for Christmas day.

Elizabeth and Nigel wrapping

Lily’s present did arrive in time (and, *ahem*, still no mention of snow causing havoc and delays). Phew!

[Nigel] “It doesn’t matter how old you are, there’s nothing better than the sight of presents round the Christmas tree”

Ah. After all the havoc of Deck the Halls, Lower Loxley sound warm, snug and very festive.

Friday, 24 December 2010

The Archers Thurs 23rd Dec 2010: Elizabeth confused by Rick Turnip

  • Emma’s jealous as well as lazy …
  • Kenton made Page 13
  • Is that because of the snow?
  • Are Kenton and Nigel on drugs?
  • “It’s never too young to introduce the young to the performing arts”
  • Helen needs Lynda and Robert
  • “I’m afraid he’ll be gently steaming all through his Chinese meal tonight”
  • What’s Nigel on about?

Emma’s jealous as well as lazy …

[Kenton] “Emma had a face as long as a fiddle when I jumped out at her from behind the wheelie bin”

[Elizabeth] “I heard her moaning to Pip … something about Nic being Clarrie’s blue eyed girl”

So can we now look forward to Emma having a go at Nic, as well as Will casting his hooks into Ed?

Either way – if Emma’s put out that Clarrie is singing Nic’s praises – maybe Emma should try and help out more.

Quite simple, really

Kenton made Page 13

While he, Nigel and Elizabeth seem quite delighted about.

That’s a funny thing.

Being quite a connoisseur of local papers myself, I know that the latter pages are great for the WRI and Rotary roundups – but a bit of a cemetery for ‘news’.

Is that because of the snow?

I am getting obsessed about the lack of snow and freezing temperatures in Ambridge.

I thought Elizabeth was about to mention that Lily’s present was late to be delivered because of the weather but … no … no reason at all.

What’s going on?

Even if it’s perfect weather in Ambridge, why isn’t the fact that the rest of the UK is falling apart even merit a mention?

Even Lynda wasn’t worried about how Oscar and co were going to get to Ambridge.


Hmmm …

Are Kenton and Nigel on drugs?

What on earth were Nigel and Kenton thinking?

So Elizabeth needs to relax. Delegate a bit better. Have fun. Break a smile …

And the solution is obvious.

All Elizabeth needs is for her husband and brother to dress up as highwaymen, switching place to make her think she’s seeing double (‘but he’s down there, when he was just over there’).

But of course!


There was a nearly funny moment when Elizabeth couldn’t get Kenton to come out (!), but then got a bit weird:

[Elizabeth] “It’s the first time I ever found a highway man in my bed”

Thankfully, it was Nigel in bed with her.

Nope. I’m sorry to say that it just didn’t work, chaps.

Both dressing as Rick Turnip to confuse Elizabeth was a prank of sorts, but I don’t get how it really made Elizabeth realise that she needs to relax more often.

I guess the proof will be in the (Christmas) pudding.

“It’s never too young to introduce the young to the performing arts”

So says Lynda.

Though I think more adult men would be more suitable for stroking “the cat’s lovely fur coat …”

Helen needs Lynda and Robert

Well, to be more exact, Helen needs her child to have grandparents like Lynda and Robert.

As she watches Lynda dotting over baby Oscar (and does seem genuinely grateful for Coriander’s baby cast-offs), it hits home that her child might never experience such unconditional love.

So what to do?

Accept that Tony will be Tony, and try to make amends in the hope that he will melt eventually?

Keep cutting Tony out, to concentrate on the genuinely supportive Grandma Pat?


And a shame that Ian wasn’t on hand to advise and comfort.

Phew! The baby hasn’t even been born yet, but Helen already seems to be struggling alone.

“I’m afraid he’ll be gently steaming all through his Chinese meal tonight”

I like Lewis.

He has a rather nifty turn of phrase, and is a decent sort of a chap.

What’s Nigel on about?

[Nigel] “I’ve been watching Fallon and Harry … I just wondered … they’re behaving like very good friends … after that kiss, I thought there might be something more …”

Well we all did, and were left just as confused about Harry, but why is Nigel so interested?

Has he sniffed out the real reason for Harry?!?

Thursday, 23 December 2010

The Archers Wed 22nd Dec 2010: Thank goodness for Nic!

  • Alice and Chris, living it large
  • Was that Vicky in the background?
  • “It shouldn’t be all sleep and work at her age”
  • Don’t interfere!
  • Clarrie gets a day out!
  • Nearly ‘101 Jigsaw, with Clarrie Grundy’
  • The Grundy family Christmas is back on!
  • Jazzer’s been dumped
  • Sid liked Carol Singers

Alice and Chris, living it large

I shouldn’t take the Michael out of Alice and Chris for being a tad twee and middle aged. After all, it is the simple pleasure in life …

They’re happy enough just being able to have lunch together. Alice is back from Uni for the holidays, and is loving the festive air of Ambridge.

Was that Vicky in the background?

As Alice and Chris were having their lunch in The Bull, I could have sworn I heard Vicky in the background talking quite loudly about something she’d seen on TV.

Maybe she’s drowning her sorrows after her ‘mistake, and subsequent dressing down by Pat.

“It shouldn’t be all sleep and work at her age”

Quite right too, Jolene.

Though I think Fallon is going to get some sort of a nasty shock if she keeps up her chase of Harry.

I have no idea what that shock will be due to – but it is acoming …

Don’t interfere!

Alice and Chris are talking about Susan’s Christmas Eve soiree:

[Chris] “It won’t be what I call a party … sophisticated and stylish, is what she’s going for … she doesn’t mind going to a lot of trouble when it’s your mum and dad.”

Worried that Susan tends to gets over-anxious about the two families bonding, they can foresee that the party won’t be fun, and will result in an upset Susan.

[Chris] “Basically, it’s going to be everyone standing round for a bit with drinks an nibbles, all on their best behaviour … then they’ll all start drifting off cause they’re bored … and mum will feel rubbish”

[Alice] “It is a bit of a waste of a party”

[Chris] “No kidding. So, what we going to do?”

Later on, Alice and Chris reveal their rescue strategy of the party involved …. Party games.


As they were mulling over wondrous games like name that Christmas tune – team races – pass the orange without using your hands – pin the red nose on Rudolph (which Chris seemed to get quite excited about – am I missing something?) – or charades.

Bless their eagerness, but I don’t see how making everyone play a party game will relax the atmosphere. Seriously – Susan and Brian squaring up to pass an orange? I think not.

Best leave well alone, methinks.

Clarrie gets a day out!

But it is only the supermarket.

Still, at least Nic driving her means she isn’t left by Joe and Eddie to make it alone (one-handed) on the bus.

Nearly ‘101 Jigsaw, with Clarrie Grundy’

Thank goodness Nic walked in when Clarrie was explaining how to do a jigsaw.

I actually could listen to Clarrie talking about most things for hours, but that would have been pushing it.

Actually – Saint Nic seems to be popping everywhere, just at the right time. She’d helped Clarrie go Christmas shopping and she tided Clarrie’s kitchen after Joe and Ed had wrecked it (“was like Kung Fu Panda had been in”).

But it’s Nic’s next good deed that’ll make Christmas interesting for us all …

The Grundy family Christmas is back on!

Nic’s horrified to hear Clarrie talking about how she’s going to manage to make Christmas dinner.

Clarrie was going to get up extra early to get it all started. After all, it’ll take twice the time with only one hand. But:

[Clarrie] “There’s no pastry involved in a turkey dinner, luckily”

[Nic] “Can’t Emma help you?”

[Clarrie] “They haven’t said what time they’ll be round … they can always help me set the table … you know, last minute things”

Nic then sounded more than perturbed that Emma and Ed hadn’t thought to offer to cook Christmas dinner for Clarrie. What with her being slightly incapacitated.

So Nic takes matters in hand, and changes her plans so that the rather selfish Ed/Emma/Joe/Eddie can have their dinner without cooking it.

Which means Will, Nic and kids will be joining the rest of the Grundy clan for Christmas.

Yup – that’s right – Will and Ed will be spending Christmas day together. What larks we shall have!

Although delighted to have Will and Nic for Christmas – with the added bonus of not having to struggle on alone – even Clarrie is a tad suspect about Will actually agreeing to all of this willingly (ahem!)

[Nic] “He said yes – he was fine about it”

[Clarrie] “It doesn’t sound like our William”

[Nic] “You see this way, he gets to spend Christmas and boxing day with George”

[Clarrie] “Oh come here – you’re a smasher, you are!”

So Nic’s fixed it.

And it’s a rare occasion that an Ambridge resident can simply be that nice and good, without having to be wary about her motivations.

Nic is just that sort of a lass.

Jazzer’s been dumped

Oho! And, for once, he’s let it get to him.

Jazzer’s seemingly sat in The Bull reading old texts from Jackie – who, despite his best efforts to impress by cooking her a meal, hasn’t seen fit to stay with ol’ Jazzer over the festive period.

A return to proclaiming love for Fallon while slightly more than full of the festive spirit?

Sid liked Carol Singers

So says Jolene.

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

The Archers Tues 21st Dec 2010: Horror when strawberry yogurt turns out to be raspberry …

  • And Oscar makes Five
  • Clothes?
  • Overly confident? Our Lynda???
  • Tom’s Sausages to the rescue!
  • Helen’s making it up
  • “Tom, this is my baby, not one of your sows!”
  • Classic Susan and Vicky
  • Who mixed up the sheet labels?
  • Tom is brilliant at Guitar Heroes
  • This is the #sattc

And Oscar makes Five

I know Lynda is a resident that folks either love or loathe – but it’s always nice to hear her so happy about baby Oscar.

Corriander, Justin and Oscar will be with Robert and Lynda tomorrow (weather permitting, surely?!?). Which makes Lynda happy enough to splash out on organic gnocchi and some Borchester Blue for the sauce (my, Helen’s a great saleswoman!).

Maybe Helen will also be glad of their arrival. Coriander seems keen to catch-up with her about all things baby – and Helen could certainly do with more folks who support her without question …


I’m undecided as to whether Helen was offended at Lynda’s mention of Coriander’s offer of some of Oscar’s cast-off baby clothes,

Or, whether Helen hadn’t actually started thinking about clothes yet.

Surely it can’t be the latter?

Overly confident? Our Lynda???

[Lynda] “One doesn’t like to jinx things by being overly confident”

No, we could never accuse Lynda of such an attitude.

After all, just look at the buffoons she’s got to work with …

It was seemingly the “tech” rehearsal tonight, but we didn’t get to eavesdrop in.

I wonder whether Harry and Fallon have practised ‘that’ kiss yet.

Tom’s Sausages to the rescue!

Remembering that she still has a son, Pat tells Tom about the recent spat between Tony and Helen.

Pat thinks Helen isn’t responding to Tony because Helen thinks it’s actually not Tony trying to make amends – that it’s Pat pushing Tony to do so.

My. How the trust has been broken.

[Pat] “It’d be ridiculous if it wasn’t so sad”

So Plan D is Pat sending Tom over to Helen’s to try and make sure she will be joining the family for Christmas eve.

Ahem! Tom’s not exactly known for his tact and diplomacy.

BUT, he actually does the trick.

Well, nearly.

Tom does manage to persuade Helen to be at Bridge Farm for Christmas Eve (“just do it for mum”), but she’s now refusing to stay over.

Ah well. Looks like the whole Bridge Farm clan will be making baby steps …

Helen’s making it up

Helen’s not gaining any support for her point of view (amongst us eavesdroppers) by having a very selective view of what happened the other day with Tony. On talking with Tom:

[Tom] “Look Helen, you know he’s rubbish at showing how he feels. He keeps it bottled up.”

[Helen] “Bottled up? Tom, If only! … Practically turned into a slanging match outside the shop”

I am on Helen’s side (mostly) but no. It was not a slanging match. It was you shouting at a rather shell-shocked and upset Tony.

But then again, Helen also explained a bit more about why she’s so upset with Tony:

[Helen] “I’m worrying about it all the time. I wanted a granddad my baby could love … they know when someone doesn’t love them … children somehow believe it’s their fault”

[Tom] “You’re running too far ahead”

[Helen] “You can’t make someone feel something that isn’t there, can you?”

I hate to say this, but Tom does have a point.

Hand up how many of you believe Tony will melt when he sees his first grandchild …

“Tom, this is my baby, not one of your sows!”

Despite Tom actually managing being a successful diplomat for once, his good old self was never far from the surface.

On trying to explain to Helen that he’s also had problems with Tony, he used the example of when they fell out over him moving his pigs to home farm:

[Tom] “I’ve done my fair share of biting my tongue over his comments”

[Helen] “Tom, this is my baby, not one of your sows!”


Classic Susan and Vicky

(talking about Susan’s Christmas Eve party)

[Vicky] “There’s nothing like a party to kick-start the Christmas season”

[Susan] “It’s not that kind of party”

[Vicky] “There’s only one sort of party, isn’t there?”

[Susan] “I suppose it depends on the circles you mix in”

(on dismissing Vicky’s intelligence that the supermarket has some rather nifty party food)

[Susan]” …I’m serving canapés … and I’m making them all myself … it’s the sort of thing Brian and Jennifer expect”

Hang on.

Haven’t we been here before?

Susan tries out an overambitious new recipe. Which was always bound to go wrong. Just before Brian and Jennifer arrive.

You’d think Susan would learn.

Who mixed up the sheet labels?

Just as Pat’s packing Tom off to do Tony’s job, she gets a call from Lynda about a slight yoghurt issue.

It turns out that the Strawberry was raspberry.

With the bigger problem being that where one has been incorrectly labelled, there will be others.

I think this was one more problem too many for Pat. She marched through to the diary – demanded of Vicky and Susan to work out what had gone wrong – then was rather harsh with Vicky when they all worked out it was probably her fault.

Vicky hadn’t checked the label sheets as she was using them, plus hadn’t been wearing her glasses.

But isn’t Vicky new on the job? And why was the labels mixed up in the first place?

Either way, Vicky’s made a mistake, but it was purely human error. And her glasses were new and rubbing her.

As Pat then found out Vicky’s mistake had gone on Underwoods stock as well as Ambridge Organics, she flatly (and rudely) turns down Vicky’s offer to drive through rush hour with new stock.

[Pat] “Oh that would look good, wouldn’t it! Sending someone else to do my apologising for me. I’ll have to do it myself. I really could have done without this!”

Step back, ladies and gentleman. She’s goanna blow!

Tom is brilliant at Guitar Heroes

(that should actually read ‘Tom proclaims himself to be brilliant at Guitar Heroes’)

At least he is getting out of the house. And, from what Tom was saying, it seems Harry’s becoming a bit more relaxed about having the ‘lads’ over.

Question is – has anyone (anywhere) seen Brenda lately?!?

The #sattc has happened. Did you miss it?

(sattc is Twitter shorthand for the Shaking Ambridge to the Core, regarding the seemingly big happening of Jan ’11. I still have no idea how the BBC can predict such things …)

(Tom and Pat talking about Helen coming home for Christmas)

[Pat] "She’s not staying over?”"

[Tom] “I tried but she just wants her own space”

[Pat] “I wish she and your father could put it all behind them … it’s horrible … I hate to think of her waking up on her own on Christmas day”

[Tom] “If she does, remember it’s the last time she’ll have too. All being well, she’d be hanging up a little stocking and be waking up at the crack of dawn”

The shock! The Horror!

Tom Archer.

Said something.

That’s kind, thoughtful and wise …

(I’m off to lie down in a dark room)

Monday, 20 December 2010

The Archers Mon 20th Dec 2010: *sigh* Helen’s still frosty

  • “Vicky was a godsend”
  • Kenton’s spreading himself around for Christmas
  • Jim and Ruth’s mum?
  • Now they’re just trying to wind us up!
  • “Rick Turnip at the ready”
  • That’s better, Tony
  • Helen’s a stubborn one

“Vicky was a godsend”

So says Pat.

So have we got Vicky wrong? Is she actually a useful human being after all?

Kenton’s spreading himself around for Christmas

Ah, the joys of being single at Christmas.

It sounds like Kenton’s going to be doing mini visits to the whole family.

Nice to hear that Shula still visits the Hebden’s at this time of year.

Here’s hoping the snow doesn’t finally arrive in Ambridge, trapping everyone inside with their nearest and dearest …

Jim and Ruth’s mum?

That could be an interesting one.

Jim’s taking Heather out to Jaxx, despite it being very busy with office parties.

Is there romance in the air?

Probably not.

Considering Kenton & Jolene, Kenton & Kirsty, Kirsty & Patrick, Fallon & Jazzer, Fallon & Harry, Helen & … well …any man – it hasn’t quite been a year for new couples.


Now they’re just trying to wind us up!

Elizabeth knows full well that saying she’s bought a top of the range mobile phone for her eleven year old daughter was bound to annoy us eavesdroppers!

Almost makes one glad it’s stuck in the post …

“Rick Turnip at the ready”

Looks like Kenton’s Mystery Highway Man is a roaring success.

Elizabeth was hooting was laughter, as he jumped out on some unsuspecting wee kids for a newspaper photographer, and it seems to be bringing in the punters.

Not sure how a Highway Man fits into the Christmas theme of Deck the Halls (maybe because it’s a period piece), but each to their own.

Just a shame they manage, for the second year in a row, to get publicity in the local newspaper just at the very end of their efforts.

That’s better, Tony

It was hard to tell if Tony’s new effort as a gift for Helen was actually any good or not – Ian’s the sort of chap to be nice about anything.

But it sounded quite lovely.

And it was nice to hear Tony talking like a dad again. He made mention of the amount of time Helen had to spend on her cot because of her splints (she was born with a dislocated hip). And that’s why he choose a mobile for her baby – something interesting and colourful to like at from the cot.

And blimey – Tony’s even managed to make sure it matches the new nursery décor!

Helen wasn’t in when Tony went round with his present. When he speaks to Pat later, she isn’t sure whether Tony should have popped round again later, rather than just leaving it …

Pat also had no idea that Tony had been trying to make amends. So equally, she didn’t know that yesterday was yet another disaster:

[Tony] “Yes well, the thought was there … but it was dreadful Pat …it was humiliating, I felt like a real idiot.”

[Pat] “What happened?”

[Tony] “You know how she gets … she shut down …I suppose she thought if I didn’t remember I didn’t care … I could kick myself for not remembering … but I thought I was doing a good thing”

On Pat asking why he didn’t mention it to her – as she’d have been able to remind him that he’d seen the baby monitor she’d already bought for herself:

[Tony] “I wanted to do something for her completely off my own bat, just for once. Hopefully I’ve got it right this time”

Okay. Fair enough Tony.

You did your best, but managed to get muddled. And you do deserve more effort from Helen.

I suppose it isn’t too late to try and make up for your mistakes.

Tony also decides not to go back round to see Helen, or to phone her. Which leaves the ball entirely in her court

Helen’s a stubborn one

Who’d have thought it, being the daughter of Pat and Tony …

Despite thinking that the mobile is “gorgeous”, Helen still won’t give Tony any credit.

She thinks this is all Pat’s doing.

As Tony spends an anxious evening waiting for his phone to ring, it seems unlikely that Helen’s going to forgive him until she realises that he is trying.

What a useless pair!

The Archers Sun 19th Dec 2010: Helen’s not for turning

  • Ian’s such a sweetie
  • Tony calls round
  • Helen’s reading too much into it?
  • Is that snow?
  • Alice is back
  • Odd comment from Ian
  • Nigel – bad, bad, bad!
  • Loving the German Christmas songs

Ian’s such a sweetie


It’s his busiest time of the year, yet he’s using every spare moment he has to help paint Helen’s nursery.

He’s even offering to give an old rocking horse the “once over with white spirit and linseed oil”.

If this was just typical lovely Ian behaviour, one would be forgiven for thinking all was not well at home with Adam …

Tony calls round

Regardless of what I think about Tony, it did take a lot of guts to call round at Helen’s.

And shows a genuine want to apologise and make amends.

But, it being Tony, he manages to just make everything worse.

He brought Helen a gift of a baby monitor. Which she’d already bought. And shown to both Pat and Tony at Bridge Farm. Months ago.

Oh dear.

Knowing Tony, he didn’t take much notice in the first place, but it’s a major faux pas which only confirms to Helen that he’s never been interested.

So Tony – what’s Plan B?

Helen’s reading too much into it?

I thought Helen just sounded sad and disappointed when Tony gave her the baby monitor, rather than the fury she let fly last time they saw each other.

Ever canny, Ian’s spotted that there’s a problem. As Helen tells him about the baby monitor:

[Ian] “He meant well …”

[Helen] “You don’t need to make excuses for him”

[Ian] “Tell me why you’re giving him such a hard time?”

[Helen – telling Ian about when Tony tried to carry some of her shopping] “Instead of just giving me a hand, he had to turn it into a moral victory. Going on about how sad it was me having to do these things all on my own…”

[Ian] “That doesn’t sound like the Tony I know”

[Helen] “I don’t recognise the dad I thought I knew either”

[Ian] “Maybe he just put his foot in it, he didn’t mean it at all”

[Helen] “He just can’t help himself, consciously or not, he just can’t accept the choices I made about having my baby …”

[Ian] “Surely the present he brought round was meant to be a peace offering?”

[Helen] “No it wasn’t. I expect mum told him to do it … if really did meant to show me he’d changed he’d have put some thought into what to buy”

(Ian suggests that maybe Tony just rushed and genuinely forgot she already had bought, and had shown him, and discussed, a baby monitor)

[Helen] “No, he’s blanked it,. He blanks everything to do with the baby”

[Ian] “You might be wrong you know. It could be much more complicated than that for Tony”

[Helen] “He can’t even bear to think about my baby … he can’t look forward to it … you’re looking more forward to it than he is … nothing will change. I’ll just have to get used to it.”

Phew again!

At least Helen is calmer, and I think she does have a very valid point about Tony’s opinion and attitudes to her.

Just as it’s taken him a long time (and a bit of a set-to) to try and meet her halfway, she’s also lost her trust in him as her dad.

Come on Uncle Ian and Aunty Pat. Sort them out!

Is that snow?


It was just a queue for the supermarket.

No tailbacks in Ambridge due to bad weather!

Alice is back

And peeping at Jill as she drives past with Chris.

The clans are a-gathering!

Odd comment from Ian

[Ian] “It’s that of year, everyone get s bit fraught. Still, if we didn’t have the falling out, we wouldn’t have the lovely making up!”


Not sure about you Ian, but that’s not the way I’d put the ‘making up’ after an argument with one of my folks.

Nigel – bad, bad, bad!

Lily is still in a sulk about Freddie being a rat in the Panto.

So, instead of telling her to stop being so selfish – Nigel seemed to basically say ‘Freddie’s a thicko, so give him this one thing’.

[Nigel] “You can turn everything you turn your mind to … I expect Freddie’s been a bit of a pain … Freddie has to put up with you succeeding all the time”

Great parenting skills there, Mr Pargetter – it’s alright Lily. You’re still superior.

He managed to get Lily to stop sulking, and actually help Freddie with his lines, but it felt like Lily was only helping Freddie because he’s dense – and that she and Nigel now have a secret knowledge that Freddie is just rubbish at most things.

Loving the German Christmas songs


Saturday, 18 December 2010

The Archers Friday 17th Dec 2010: Helen's still not in a better mood

  • Who is mum?
  • Pat can’t get through to Helen
  • Slow day? Use a Skype delay!
  • Aunty Kathy?

Who is mum?

No wonder Phoebe’s confused – who is mum?

I’m not criticising Phoebe for seeing both Hayley and Kate as her mum, but she also switched to calling Kate ‘Kate’ when she’s talking to Roy.

Bless her. She’s too busy taking care of all the adult’s feelings to have a moment to work out her own feelings.

Pat can’t get through to Helen

Rather than Tony facing up to Helen, he sends Pat round.

Well, I don’t know if he asked her or whether she’s gone to speak to Helen of her own accord, but surely Tony can see that Helen needs him to be her dad. Doesn’t that involve talking to her when things go awry?

Either way, it’s Pat who’s the advance party.

[Pat] “Can’t you just accept that whatever dad said yesterday … you can see how upsetting this is for all of us … not just me, your father … so he’s not the most tactful person on the world …”

[Helen] “Oh, so it was all a big misunderstanding, was it? Mum, it was no big surprise, surely we all know exactly how he feels about this baby … he hates this whole idea”

[Pat] “That’s not fair Helen, you’re not giving him a chance …Whatever he might have said, he’s still your father”

[Helen] “If he cares so much why is he so much again against me …if it’s not because I’m a failure that I can’t have a proper relationship”

Pat keeps trying to at least get Helen to see that she needs to talk to Tony, but she’s having none of it.

Just as she nearly drove Tony to tears yesterday, she does the same to Pat.

[ Helen] “I think it’s probably best if you go now”

Unless Helen does calm down, it will be a bit of a tough time at Bridge Farm during Christmas …

Slow day? Use a Skype delay!

Ah, we’re all used to the slower days in Ambridge being filled with long discussions about nothing – or worse still, talk of technical financial matters (which is nearly every time Brian and Annabelle are in the same).

This time, as Phoebe speaks to Kate over her computer, there’s quite a significant relay delay.

Did Brian buy them both a cheap computer – or was this really just a filler?

Either way – Kate’s her usual selfish self. Phoebe had earlier on mentioned that it was unfair of Kate to go away just as they were getting to know each other. So to make matters worse, Kate doesn’t really ask Phoebe about what she’s been up to – waffles on about her own doings in South Africa – then rings off early as she has stuff to do.

Roy tries to make Phoebe feel better, but damage done.

[Phoebe] “I was just getting to know her, and then she goes away”

[Roy] “Cheer up, eh! Cause we’re going to have such a good Christmas”
Now, if Hayley could spill a cup of tea in the right place, maybe we could really have peace from Kate for the next few weeks …

Aunty Kathy?

My word! I never thought I’d see the day.

Kathy. Listening to Aunty Pat. Rather than talking about Jamie. To Pat.

[Pat] “It’s all too upsetting … Feels like we’re back to square one, or worse …Tony was shocked and hurt – he daren’t go near her”

[Kathy] “From what you say, Helen must be hurting too”

[Pat] “She want’s Tony’s approval more than anything … If only she’d admit it, she needs him too”

Kathy at least end an ear, but her advice isn’t actually up to much. She waffled on about time moving on … things change … and that Christmas will sort it.

Aye, right then!

Christmas is hardly known for families getting on. Isn’t it more likely that, being trapped in one house all together, they’ll all just kick off again?

I think it’s going to take more than a turkey and a few crackers to resolve Tony and Helen’s differences.

The Archers Thurs 16th Dec 2010: Helen lets rip

  • Tony’s savoys are a bit scrappy
  • Susan and Vicky: the village megaphone
  • “and she catches turkeys too!”
  • “Lily is in a complete paddy”
  • Jill has another go
  • Helen’s not impressed with Kenton
  • Helen explodes at Tony
  • Where’s Kenton’s Mystery highway man going?
  • Pat has no answers for Tony

Tony’s savoys are a bit scrappy

Oh dear.

What else could go wrong …

Susan and Vicky: the village megaphone

Tony’s talking about how well Vicky and Susan are getting on in the dairy.

Vicky is no Clarrie (well, who is?), but I suppose half the battle with keeping your staff productive is to keep them happy.

Susan and Vicky are most certainly never more happy than when they can have a right old gossip.

“and she catches turkeys too!”

Nic’s certainly winning over a lot of Ambridge resident fans with her genuine care for Clarrie during her time of need.

She’s practical, she’s on-hand at the right time – and (as Tony said) she can even catch turkeys.

What a lady!

“Lily is in a complete paddy”

Lily’s upset because Freddie’s a rat in the Panto.

Freddie’s upset because he failed a mock maths test, which Lily nailed.

So as all good siblings, they turn on each other.

Jill has another go

As per usual with our Jill – once she’s decided her opinion, there’s little chance of shifting her, or encouraging her to stop preaching.

[Jill] “But Lewis, if he’s this upset if he fails a practise paper, how will he feel if he feels the real thing?”

For once, I think Jill is quite right. While it’d be nice for the twins to go to the same school, is it worth Freddie having an utterly miserable schoolife?

Elizabeth doesn’t actually seem that keen, but she’ll have to get Nigel to drop his very fixed ideas that only Private schools can deliver a decent education.

Helen’s not impressed with Kenton

Kenton puts his foot in it at the best of times, but he really didn’t deserve the roasting Helen dealt him.

[Kenton] “I wish I had a bump like yours, I could just stick it out in front and barge my way through”

[Helen] “What? Believe me Kenton, it does not work like that!”

Helen then seemed to be annoyed that Kenton was even in the baby department in the first place. The poor chap was only using it as a shortcut.

Kenton makes things worse by then assuming the steam steriliser kit Helen was buying was for the dairy. Oops.

Helen refuses Kenton’s quite nice offer to lug the steriliser to the till for her, but he just won’t leave it:

[Kenton] “I’m good at this. It’s like some kind of extreme sport – till barging the baby department, dodging these yummy mummies with their strollers, broody couples lugging cot mattresses …”

[Helen] “I don’t need your help … we don’t want them to think we’re not just another ‘broody couple’, do we?!?”


Kenton needs to learn when to shut up, but Helen is most certainly not full of Christmas spirit at the moment.

Helen explodes at Tony

Kenton’s run in with Helen was nothing compared to what then happened with Tony.

As Helen struggles home with her shopping (dropping a bag as a rather noisy and fast care went by), Tony happens to be passing and offers to help.

Tony was genuinely concerned that Helen seemed to be carrying a lot of shopping, but Helen was having none of it.

[Tony] “You shouldn’t be lugging that stuff in your condition”

(as he tries to take one of the bags, it drops)

[Helen] “Now look! You idiot!!!”

[Tony] “Sorry, I was only trying to help … I was just doing my best. I hate to see you like this”

[Helen] “Like what?”

[Tony] “Seven months pregnant and struggling all on your own, with no-one there to help you”

[Helen] “Oh right, here we go, that’s what it’s really about isn’t it? Me and this baby. You think it’s a crazy, bad, selfish idea. You made that quite clear from the start …”

[Tony] “Helen, no …”

[Helen] “You think it’s wrong, I’m totally naïve, I can’t do it, I’m not strong enough without a man there to support me”

[Tony] “I didn’t mean that at all”

[Helen] “Oh come on, why deny it? I’ve had to put up with your snide comments, your negative attitude for the last 6 months, why stop now?”

[Tony] “Come on Helen, that’s not fair!”

[Helen] “Fair!?! I’ve had nothing from you. Not a word of support or encouragement. You’ve been against me every step of the way”

[Tony] “I’m not against you Helen …”

[Helen] “So why don’t you show it? Why don’t you just give me a chance, believe in me, be supportive? … Well, isn’t that what a father’s meant to do? Stand by me, be on my side?”

[Tony] “Yes and I do. I am ..>”

[Helen] “Oh please, don’t lie to me dad, it’s pathetic … I don’t need this. I can do without this. I can do without you.”

[Tony] “No please, calm down …”

[Helen] “Just go. Just leave me alone please!”


That was the sound of Helen’s ticking time bomb finally going off.

I had a bit of debate on Twitter about this – but I think Tony utterly deserved that verbal bashing, even though I felt sorry for him as he had to hear it.

He hasn’t been remotely supportive. He’s put Helen down behind her back, then avoided her, and any topic of the baby, as best he can.

Yes, Tony is entitled to his opinion – but I can shake the feeling that his opinion is utterly hypocrisy. He wouldn’t be like this if Helen did have a man.

Actually, he’d even be happier if she’d got pregnant by some random bloke, who then didn’t stick around.

It was horrible to hear Tony so hurt by Helen, but he had it coming. He is her dad. He is about to become a grandfather. And he has done nothing but make Helen feel even more alone.

The truth sometimes hurts like billy-o …

Where’s Kenton’s Mystery highway man going?

Kenton’s now got his costumes for his Mystery Highway Man stunt at Deck the Halls.

[Kenton] “The mystery highway man stands again!”

So what’s the plot?

He terrifies a small child? Is sued for causing a heart attack? Shoots someone by mistake?

It’s Kenton. There’s got to be a catch.

Pat has no answers for Tony

We can normally trust in our Aunty Pat to have good solid advice.

But this time, when it comes to her own family, she’s stumped.

Tony’s understandably still reeling from Helen’s rather harsh words.

[Tony] “She was at the end of her tether, I was only trying to help … then she just exploded and it all came flooding out … She meant every word … it just took that one spark to let it all off”

Pat can only say that they need to leave Helen to calm down, then try and talk to her in the morning.

But knowing he’s in for a sleepless anxious night, Tony’s all at sea:

[Tony] “I can’t leave it like this, I feel terrible … but what am I going to say? Will she even listen to me? I don’t know what to do Pat. I don’t know where to start.”

I have my sympathies Tony, but maybe you could have tried to not be so bloody-minded and stubborn in the first place?

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

The Archers Wed 15th Dec 2010: Carols on the green

  • Is it big enough, Ben?
  • Ruth passes up yet another chance to go out
  • Harry and Peggy?
  • Harry and a lamppost?
  • Brainstorming the Japanese scenes
  • Christmas Carols
  • Phew! Phoebe isn’t Jamie
  • Freddie does have talent!

Is it big enough, Ben?

Sorry, couldn’t resist that one.

But yes – David & Ruth’s tree was big enough, albeit slightly too big.

And they didn’t get it from Eddie.

Ruth passes up yet another chance to go out

Although I’d also choose decorating a Christmas tree over a night out, Ruth seems to be developing agoraphobia.

It’s her and David’s 22nd anniversary tonight, but Ruth is being sensible. They’d seemingly be too tired to enjoy it anyway, so are settling in for a festive night in with the kids, a good bottle of wine and possibly going out over the weekend.

Each to their own.

Ruth’s mum is also on her way down, and Jill is insisting that she’s going to wake up on Christmas morning in her own house. By herself.

It’ll be the first Christmas without Phil. Maybe Jill should be with her family, especially in the early, quiet hours?

Harry and Peggy?

They’re still at it!

Well, the computer lessons, that is.

If Harry is holding a candle for Peggy, he’ll have to get Conn out of the way first.

Conn and Peggy are now sending each other Christmas e-cards.

Steady on!

Harry and a lamppost?

What on earth is that Harry all about?

He seemed to go weak at the knees at the very thought of kissing Fallon.

Then was extremely enthusiastic when they did kiss.

And afterwards told Nigel that he thought Fallon was way out of his league.

So why is he now showing no desire to be around Fallon? He was very non-committal about being “up” for the Panto rehearsal tomorrow, and also didn’t sound keen to go to the Carols with Fallon.


Is Harry asexual? Gay? Was born Harriett?

Is he crippled by the very thought of Fallon actually being interested in him? Is his confidence – and experience – that low?

You’re a strange one, Harry Mason.

Bets on for you being behind the January ‘shocker’ …

Brainstorming the Japanese scenes

Which doesn’t require the presence of Fallon.

She was very disappointed (missing out on another night with Harry close by).

Also unusually un-PC of Lynda. I thought ‘brainstorming’ was a no-go as it alluded to negative connotations of epilepsy.

Christmas Carols

I’m a sucker for a nice Carol – and didn’t Ambridge do well in singing ‘The Holly and the Ivy’ on the village Green in aid of Church funds.

Even the rather moody Phoebe joined in.

(as a wee aside, a very knowledgeable lady on Chris Evans this morning (I do sometimes wander over to Radio 2) was explaining that a lot of Carols are actually of pagan origin – that that Holly symbolises male, Ivy female).

Phew! Phoebe isn’t Jamie

Over on Twitter (@thearchersfan), I spoke too early when I said that I’d thought Kate’s legacy for the next 6 weeks was a moody and rebellious Phoebe.

Turns out she’s just sad and perplexed.

[Hayley] “We all feel mixed up confused sometimes”

[Phoebe] “I feel like I want to be in two places at one, but that’s just not possible, is it?”

So is Phoebe going to have to choose?

Or am I right in my prediction that the January shocker going to be Phoebe inventing a time machine?

Freddie does have talent!

Hurrah! Lynda has spotted a talent in Freddie. Take note Nigel – talent is necessarily academic.

Freddie’s going to be the second rat in the Panto.

So Freddie has something to hold onto, while his mum and dad force-feed him schoolwork, and Lynda is happy again.


Tuesday, 14 December 2010

The Archers Tues 14th Dec 2010: Cheerio Kate!

  • Christmas comes early for Archers eavesdroppers
  • Jennifer’s going to give me a heart attack
  • Lest we forget the Carter “Christmas eve drinks and nibbles party”
  • Vicky’s got the Dairy Factor
  • Debbie’s off scuba diving

Christmas comes early for Archers eavesdroppers

She packed.
She worked on her essay.
She packed again.
She went to the airport.
She had Phoebe in tears.
She went through security and ….. no Kate for 6 weeks!

I wish I could find one nice thing to say about Kate, but I really can’t think of anything.

Even Brian wasn’t best amused by Kate’s plans to take Phoebe to the airport to say goodbye. Kate reckoned it would be more “real” for Phoebe (eh?), but Brian was right in seeing that it would just be even more upsetting.

Ach well. Phoebe can get back to a homely reality with Roy and Hayley. And, after all, you can’t make an omelette …

Jennifer’s going to give me a heart attack

Well that was terrifying!

I have never witnessed such a heat stopping moment in my all my years as an Archers eavesdropper.


It’s the 14th of December. Jennifer’s chatting to Susan at the Letterbox. And mentions that she’s posting the “last minute” Christmas cards. You know – the ones you rush to post in time, after receiving a card from someone you hadn’t thought of.

Yikes (I thought) as I desperately tried to work out how many posting days there are left, and whether I’d actually managed to live through a week of December without noticing!

But all’s well. My fellow Twitter Archers folks tell me they also don’t think it’s reached the ‘last post’ stage of Christmas yet.

It’s just Jennifer being super organised.


Lest we forget the Carter “Christmas Eve drinks and nibbles party”

Despite her best attempts, Jennifer certainly won’t be able to forget it.

Caught on the hop by Susan:

[Jennifer] “Brian and I are so looking forward to it”


Later on, Jennifer breaks the new to Brian that Susan also sees this as a full-on family occasion.

[Jennifer] “You’re not going to like this … she wants to know how many from our side of the family will be coming”

[Brian] “Who else have you asked?”

[Jennifer] “Well, nobody as yet … I hoped it’d go away”

[Jennifer] “We can’t face the whole Horrobin clan, just the two of us … I’ll give Lilian a call”

Oh ho! So Lilian does have a use after all. Even Matt’s invited.

[Brian] “Matt and the Horrobins – that should be interesting”

[Jennifer] “This isn’t some sort of spectator sport. I want you to behave”

[Brian] “Everything will be fine once your sister has a few drinks inside her …”


I wonder if the spectre of Clive will rise again …

Either way, while Alice and Chris’ wedding party was a bit of a let-down such after a huge build-up, maybe the Christmas Eve do might be a bit more interesting.

Vicky’s got the Dairy Factor

So it seems Pat was right to hire Vicky.

Despite Susan being initially quite irritated at Vicky’s ability to quickly absorb, understand and get to work in Bridge Farm’s dairy, she’s eventually glad of a trusty extra pair of hands … and a good gossip.

Despite being an utter pain in the posterior sometimes, Vicky is full of surprises.

She’s a hard worker. Very quick to learn. And is careful to avoid offending Susan. Which was quite a task, considering Vicky picked up what Susan had taken quite a few tellings to do …

[Vicky] “I’m just glad I’m able to keep up with you, Susan”

Could this be a match made in Bridge Farm?

After having a natter about Helen, and how Tony isn’t that amused at the thought of his forthcoming grandchild,

[Vicky] “I’m going to love this job; we can work and have a good old natter at the same time!”

Excellent news for all concerned!

Right – what can go wrong first …..

Debbie’s off scuba diving

Astute as always (well, nearly), Debbie is avoiding the hassle and noise of Christmas, for the calm and serenity of scuba diving.

Good on her.

After splitting up with Marshall, Debbie’s take an old school pal for a bit of r&r under the sea.

Monday, 13 December 2010

The Archers Mon 13th Dec 2010: The great turkey massacre

  • Emma’s getting back to old form
  • Nic’s a wee star
  • Do turkeys know what’s coming?
  • Birthing plans
  • Wishful thinking, Pat
  • What’s bad for a turkey is good for Clarrie
  • Bets on Vicky or Susan

Emma’s getting back to old form

As Will, Nic and Ed get stuck into the turkeys (Joe and Eddie were around, but we didn’t actually hear them working), Emma is worse than useless.

First she dumps George on Clarrie. He’s got a sore throat, but instead of finding a babysitter, Emma ignores Clarrie’s broken wrist, and need to rest.

(Is any Grundy actually taking Clarrie’s broken wrist seriously? Give the woman a break!)

So Emma dumps George.

Is late with the coffee for those actually working hard.

Refuses to help sweep up the feathers:

[Emma] “Me!?! No! Bloomin things, they get everywhere. I’ll be itching all day!”

Has a half-hearted go at catching the turkeys, which lasted all of a few seconds:

[Emma] “I don’t wanna do it!”

Will was quite right to slate her at the end of the day.

[Will] “For all the help Emma was, she might as well stayed at home”

Emma was back to form as a spoilt, petulant brat.

And though she is pregnant, if Helen can work when she’s actually ahead of Emma in pregnancy terms, maybe Clarrie shouldn’t give Emma that excuse …

Nic’s a wee star

In complete contrast to Emma, there’s nothing Nic won’t do to help out.

After managing to get Will to help out even though Emma and Ed would be there, Nic cracks on with the work without complaint – actually, she does it with a whistle to her step.

She ignores her own snuffles as she plucks the turkeys.

Has a go at catching the turkeys:

[Nic] “It can’t be that hard – they’re so big and stupid”

Infact, Nic gets a bit zealous when catching those turkeys. When she did catch one, she sounded like a super hyper Spanish football commentator.

Bless Nic for her enthusiasm and determination. She’s a cracker.

Do turkeys know what’s coming?

[Ed] “I dunno, I didn’t think to ask”

Well, if turkeys knew what Christmas time meant, none of us would have a chance of eating one. They’d surely be off (along with pigs, cows, pheasants, chickens ….)

Birthing plans

At our next riveting instalment of Helen’s ante-natal class, this week it is birthing plans.

Taking Pat with her for the first time (actually, it’s the first time anyone has been allowed to accompany Helen), Helen seems to have completely opened her mind to being reasonable and realistic about having her baby.

Still quite keen to use the birthing pool, she’s now also:

[Helen] “quite happy to use a high to use a high tech option. All I want is to get this baby out safely”

What a chance of heart.

My word. Is this all actually going to go well for Helen?

Wishful thinking, Pat

Pat’s claiming to Helen that Tony would be “happy to help” Helen get her nursery finished (when Ian has to go back to work).


I think Helen has the true measure of Tony’s attitude to her pregnancy:

[Helen] “Mum … I mean come on … you know how he feels about this baby, he wants nothing to do with it, he never even mentions it … he seems to be doing his best to pretend it’s not happening at all”

What’s bad for a turkey is good for Clarrie

[Clarrie] “All done – killed and plucked and hanging in the container”

Clarrie’s so chuffed that it’s been done, that she even cracks open the sherry with Pat.

At last. Clarrie gets to put her feet up while everyone else does the work.

Well, nearly. If it hadn’t been for Emma and George …

Bets on Vicky or Susan

Clarrie doesn’t seem convinced about Vicky’s ability to pick up her job at Bridge Farm

[Clarrie] “Vicky will have to learn very fast if she’s to be any use to you”

Clarrie then also wondered out loud whether Vicky would be able to pick it up faster than Susan.


I’ll have a fiver on Vicky …

Sunday, 12 December 2010

The Archers Sun 12th Dec 2010: Pat and Tony’s 36th anniversary

  • Tony has his ways
  • Lily even excels at ice skating
  • Mystery Highway Man
  • Kenton gets in on the Kate-kicking
  • Tony makes some sense

Tony has his ways

And sometimes Tony’s ways are actually quite nice.

Miffed that his surprise for Pat was spoilt by her being up early (he had a nice bunch of flowers to take to her in bed. And a card, which he couldn’t find. But that thought was there).

And he’s booked a nice restaurant for later on. Plus he’s driving – which is a very big gesture for rural dwelling folks.

A tad unoriginal, but anything that’s not work for Pat is lovely.

Lily even excels at ice skating

Whereas Freddie is good at knocking other folks over.

Wee toots. He just needs a big hug and a dad who isn’t trying to force him to be something he’s not …

Mystery Highway Man

Kenton’s latest cunning plan is to have a Mystery Highway man popping up at unannounced intervals at Deck the Halls.

Seemingly, it’s a thank-you to Elizabeth and Nigel for putting him up (and putting up with him – his words).

He has the idea. He’ll be one of the staff doing the work. And he’ll help promote it.

Very nice of Kenton indeed.

But I think it’s a flawed plan.

When the Mystery Highway Man pops up, the folks who spot him will get a prize, if they say “your money, or your life”).

Wasn’t that the highway man’s job?

Kenton gets in on the Kate-kicking

Putting his foot in it with Phoebe (how was he to know Kate was going away for 6 weeks rather than four?), Kenton doesn’t hold back on saying what he thinks of Kate:

[Kenton] “Well it par for course where Kate’s concerned though … she’s got form!”

[Hayley] “Don’t say another word, or I’ll be tempted to say exactly what I think of her right now, and that’s not going to help Phoebe”

Still, at least Kenton managed to spot Jill’s seemingly loud body language towards Nigel, and steer clearing of their argument about whether Freddie and Lily should go to boarding school.

Tony makes some sense

On Vicky:

[Tony] “Vicky’s a bit of an unknown … you know, isn’t she … she can be a bit volatile”

(bless – he was being far too polite to say what he really though)

He was also very calm about Kathy and Jamie joining them for Christmas dinner.

Though he is looking forward to a quiet Christmas eve just being for family.

Well, until Pat pointed out that next year would be completely different, due to Helen’s baby.

On the topic of which, Tony can still not find anything positive to say.

Whereas Pat is happy that Helen is at least realising she can’t do everything by herself, in asking Pat to come to her ante-natal class, Tony reckons:

[Tony] “Some else should be caring for her, loving her, getting ready to be a father for the child”

[Tony] “I just wanted Helen to have the same chance as we did”

Which is absolutely fair enough.

What parent wouldn’t’ want that for their kid?

But, that’s all academic when this is happening, happening now and isn’t going o go away.

Time Tony got over himself, and became a real dad himself.

The Archers Fri 10th Dec 2010: Christmas comes early for Phoebe

  • Jennifer’s stressed over Christmas part 1
  • “So fruitful, like a bud that’s about to burst”
  • Did Pat really want Vicky?
  • Kate really is a warped b**ch
  • Vicky gropes Helen

Jennifer’s stressed over Christmas part 1

Oh dear. If Jennifer’s stressed over a mini Christmas for Phoebe, her blood pressure is going to be pushed nigh high for the real thing.

Or, is she just so stressed because she knows Kate will utterly freak out if everything’s not perfect for ‘her’ Phoebe?

“So fruitful, like a bud that’s about to burst”

So says Vicky.

Vicky also says she very jealous of Helen.

Now I know Vicky can be an utter pain, but she is genuinely and absolutely happy for Helen.

And there’s few folks like that about …

Did Pat really want Vicky?

She seemed very unsure at first, but Pat seemed to quickly warm to the idea of Vicky working at Bridge Farm.

Does Vicky have a special gaze that she fixes on folks, hypnotising them to do her bidding?

Or, is Pat just that desperate?

Either way, Vicky seemed to sway Pat with her assurances that she can pick everything up quickly:

[Vicky] “Susan seemed to get the hand of it quite fast … so it can’t be that hard, really”

Vicky pointed out the obvious:

“If you’re so desperate … perhaps I can do that for you”

(that woman really has no dignity sometimes)

Vicky is local, and anyone they got in would have to be trained first anyway.

But Vicky clinched it with her sound argument that she has good inside knowledge:

[Vicky] “And I’m married to a milkman, aren’t I?”

Vicky got the job, but is it bad or good news for Bridge Farm?

Kate really is a warped b**ch

In the first place, Kate wanted an early Christmas so that she could spend it with Phoebe. But expected Jennifer to do all the work.

[Kate] “Mum – don’t stress, think festive”

Then, she buys (what sounded like) a huge pile of presents for Phoebe without warning Jennifer and Brian, and without herself buying extra for Ruairi.

The wee man was quite rightly upset that Phoebe had so many big presents, while he only had only teeny one.

Even Brian was surprised at the quantity of presents for Phoebe (and that’s saying something!)

Kate then kept interrupting Jennifer with saying “let Phoebe decide”. And she didn’t even notice when Ruairi stormed off upset.

[Brian] “Don’t you think it’s wrong for Kate to spoil her like that? …she’s trying to buy off her guilt”

Aye right you are, Brian! You started off this cycle, by utterly spoiling Kate in the first place.

Kate also finally tells Phoebe that’s she going to be away for longer than expected, which Phoebe takes in her stride, but is obviously upset.

[Brian] “Here we go again”

Yup. *sigh*

Vicky gropes Helen

And surprisingly, all Helen says is:

“I guess she can feel it whenever she likes”


Helen was a bit taken aback at Vicky having a good feel of her baby, but does seem to have taken it all in her stride.

That’s just not like our Helen.


The Archers Thurs 9th Dec 2010: Pip is a bit of a Sherlock

  • “Decision made”
  • Lynda tried to make Ruth be a rat
  • Eddie also has a use
  • Hurrah! A use for Pip and a use for her survey!
  • Jazzer wants to know how to kill a turkey
  • “Look out all you lassies, it’s hot lips Harry”
  • Was that The Bull that was deid as a Dodo?
  • Brilliant. A fridge in the living room
  • Call the Police, David

“Decision made”

So that’s seemingly that then.

Pip’s determined to go to Felpersham and stay at home for Uni, Ruth’s not so keen, but sounds like David’s had the casting vote.

Pip reckons Ruth just wants her to move away because Ruth has such great memories of her time away from home studying. Pip’s also worried that folks will think:

“I’ve gone for the easy option … because it’s local”

Why on earth would anyone think that Pip??

Ruth has a good point that it was only a few months ago Pip wanted to go off with that manboy x (he who shall not be named), but she’s young. And at least she can’t go that wrong if her parents are watching her every move

Lynda tried to make Ruth be a rat

But sounds like she was wasn’t successful, which is not like her.

I’d watch out Ruth. Lynda always has a Plan B.

Eddie also has a use

Quite unamused with Eddie’s behaviour over Clarrie’s broken wrist (in short – he’s being an utterly useless and uncaring lump), he manages to help out David and Ruth by snagging a bag of suspicious hay he’d seen being sold in Borchester.

Eddie reckoned to hay dealer looked like “a chancer, and a bit dodgy” (according to Ed), and was not one he’d seen around before.

So how is one supposed to tell where hay has come from? Pip has the answers …

Hurrah! A use for Pip and a use for her survey!

Looks like Pip wasn’t wasting her time when she did a survey of Brookfield’s land. She’s also uncannily proved how useful she is, at a time when she needs to prove her worth to Brookfield (assuming she is definitely staying at home to study).

As she checks the bag of hay Eddie slopped away from the dealer, she finds a seed head that is grass seeded dogstail, which is seemingly a typical wetland grass species. Which is exactly what a lot of Brookfield’s land is.

After closer examination, Pip reckons this suspicious hay is a complete match for Brookfield.

Which spurs on David to call the dodgy dealer, but also Ruth to all new heights of negativity.

What was Ruth’s’ problem? She’s normally such a cheery positive sort of a lass.

Jealous that your daughter knows something you don’t?

(and don’t think we also didn't hear that microwave in the background, David and Ruth. Life has moved on since pizzas yet, then).

Jazzer wants to know how to kill a turkey

[Jazzer] “So Ed tell me, how do you kill a turkey … professional curiosity”

Jazzer is helping the Grundy’s out with their turkeys, but could his curiosity be something to do with being happy in the flat, but not necessarily with Harry?!?

“Look out all you lassies, it’s hot lips Harry”

[Jazzer] “From what Nigel tells me, they’ll have to make it an 18”

[Harry] “Grow up”

Jazzer’s taking the Michael out of Harry for his rather passionate kiss with Fallon at a recent panto rehearsal.

Maybe an 18 panto would actually be quite a crowd puller …

Was that The Bull that was deid as a Dodo?

I hope not. After all our hard work on We Love The Bull.

Come on Jolene. Meet us halfway!

Brilliant. A fridge in the living room

Jazzer invites Ed back to see his and Harry’s flat, plus help him lift up a certain new addition to the living room …

[Harry] “Why’s there an old fridge in our living room?”

[Jazzer, on the kitchen fridge] “No enough room to chill the beers”

[Harry, on the new living room fridge and Jazzer settling into a session] “Is this really should a good idea?”

[Jazzer] “It’s a brainwave … it’s party time!”

It’s like Men Behaving Badly, but when one of them actually wants to behave quite sensibly.

Call the Police, David

David at least called the dodgy dealer to confront him, but oddly seems to be satisfied with only winding that bloke up, and being threatened.

Isn’t the Police worth a shot? Isn’t he worried that there could be more trouble to come now that he’s stirred the hornet’s nest?

The Archers Wed 8th Dec 2010: Nic’s the boss!

  • Clarrie’s up to her elbow in it
  • Now Will’s birds are being stolen
  • Eddie emotionally blackmails Will
  • Is Kate going to return?
  • Nic puts Will in his place

Clarrie’s up to her elbow in it

[Clarrie] “Look at me, stood here like a toddler”

Clarrie’s back from the hospital, and is now up to her elbow in plaster. Making life even more difficult.

Worried that she’d have to miss the green’s Christmas lights going on, once again, Clarrie’s nearest and dearest are being utterly selfish prigs.

[Joe] “What about our tea?”

On Clarrie suggesting that they have veg and soup to hand:

[Joe] “Uh, vegetables? … soup … a pie would be better”

Clarrie then points out that if he wants a pie, he’ll have to make it. She’s even generous enough to show him how to do it.

So Joe makes a pie. They all eat it. But it seemingly wasn’t the best of pies.

No food poisoning, but Eddie can still feel it hours later, sitting in his stomach “like a lump of lead”

Now Will’s birds are being stolen

It must be a sign of tight times for all – but first Eddie nicks the Christmas trees, then Brookfield’s hay get stolen, and now it’s Will’s birds.

Desperate times indeed.

Eddie emotionally blackmails Will

True to form – rather than do the work himself to help Clarrie, Eddie pins it onto someone else.

Waxing lyrical about how the family has to step up to help poor Clarrie, Eddie manages to convince Will that he needs to sort the turkeys out.

Honestly. I do like Eddie, but he’s trying the best of patience’s at the moment.

Is Kate going to return?

Will Phoebe sad, but understanding, about Kate going home for a month, I wonder what’s next afoot.

At first, I’d thought Kate was going to take Phoebe back home for good (without Roy and Hayley’s permission).

Now, I’m wondering if Kate is actually going to come back.

Phoebe believing Kate never bodes well.

Actually – considering that Kate and Lucas don’t seem to be particularly solid – maybe Kate will actually return with a few additions to the home …

Nic puts Will in his place

Nic being with Will is starting to make sense.

Simply – she knows how to handle him, so gets the best out of him.

After agreeing to do the turkeys, Will then tries to back out when he realises Ed and Emma will also be there to help pluck.

Eddie’s rightly furious.

[Eddie] “That just ain’t good enough… how can you do this to her …your own stupid selfish row with your bother … I’m ashamed of you son”

[Will] “Think what you like”

It looks like a stand-off, until Nic steps in

[Nic] “Just don’t talk to them … You can’t let everyone down, that’d be plain silly”

Astonishingly, Will whimpers down to Nic’s plain (and quite right) speech.

Maybe there’s hope for Will yet. As long as Nic sticks with him.