Sunday, 30 September 2012

Emma wants to scrub Brookfield: Sun 30.09.12

(for extra pay, of course)

The Archers Sunday 30th September
  • You are my sunshine
  • Brenda’s never happy
  • Emma’s not amused
  • The C word …
  • Emma won’t have fooled Ruth

You are my sunshine

Is what Vicky was singing when Mike came in.

He joined in her.

Later on, when they’re at Lower Loxley’s Craft Fair, Vicky got tired because the baby was busy enjoying herself.

Mike feels Vicky’s belly, moving baby an’ all.

[Mike] “Hello darling. It’s me. Your dad."


Brenda’s never happy

She moans about Lilian and Matt  bossing her around, treating her like muck.

Now is moaning that they’ve gone off, and left her to manage alone.

Emma’s not amused

From Ed.

Seems he laughed when George pulled a face when he was given his dinner.

[Ed] “You’ve got to admit that we’ve had an awful of bean and vegetable casseroles recently … I don’t mind them normally, but for a Sunday Roast … anything you can’t eat through a  straw would be nice.”

Oh dear Ed. Are you an amateur at this?

[Ed] “Even when we did have any money at home, my mum always managed to cook something tasty.”


[Emma] “Oh well excuse me, she might be able make something out of nothing, but I’m not a miracle worker Ed. I’m not your mother!”

Good god, Ed is an idiot.

The C word …


That’s what Elizabeth is getting in at Lower Loxley to check the business’ health.

I used to be a Consultant.

Now, I’m a purveyor of marketing advice and services …

Emma won’t have fooled Ruth

Emma’s getting desperate.

She’d already got an advance from Ruth on her cleaning wages.

Now she asked Ruth if she could do a few more hours. Seems the upstairs walls are in desperate need of a scrub down …

Ruth said no.

She concurred about the state of the walls, but also reckoned when cleaned, they wouldn’t stay clean for long.

Twigging that all may not be well with Emma, Ruth offers to pay her wages s normal (meaning she’d catch up on the advance eventually).

[Emma] “I was just thinking out the paintwork, we’re not worried about money at all.”

Matt and Lilian, en Paris: Fri 28.09.12

The Archers Friday 28th September 2012
  • Matt loves Lilian
  • Christine feels sorry for Jazzer
  • Rhys and Fallon to star in the Christmas Extravaganza?
  • Christine’s winding up Jim
  • Joe’s teeth are on the beer mat
  • Jim’s not impressed with Much Ado

Matt loves Lilian

[Lilian] “Taking a tour of Paris in a chauffeured 2 CV, how wonderfully ridiculous!”

Lilian is loving her time in Paris with Matt.

[Matt] “This trip is about pure pleasure.”

Matt’s really pulling out every stop.

[Matt] “We forget to say how much we love each to each other. This is my way of saying it.”

Ah, if only that was Matt’s only motive. Paul’s return is more likely …

But Lilian seems to have fallen for it. She’s having a ball, and remembering all the good things in life.

[Matt] “Am I one of the good guys. You do know that, Lilian.”

Indeed she does.

She suggests they return to their hotel room, quick sharp.

Wonder if Paris will be enough to keep Matt in Lilian’s mind above Paul?

Christine feels sorry for Jazzer

[Christine] “At least we have homes, I saw Jazzer this morning.”


Christine did seem to enjoy Jazzer’s company the other day.

I wonder ...

Rhys and Fallon to star in the Christmas Extravaganza?

Seems one can’t move around Ambridge for catching sight of one of Lynda’s poster advertising the Christmas Shakespearian Extravaganza auditions.

As Fallon and Rhys relax and listen to records (well, probably downloads, rather than records), they both admit they’re going to audition for the Christmas show.

Harry and Fallon, but with Rhys and Fallon?

We think they’re falling for each other … they kiss … then … nothing …

Surely not?

Not after Fallon’s made Rhys a mixed tape (well, CD) for his journey back home for a visit.

That’s proper commitment, that is.

Christine’s winding up Jim

Christine and Jim are again talking about Borchester Life magazine.

Christine seems to have changed her tune. She now thinks writing for the magazine might not be right for Jim after all.

[Christine] “Is a touch beyond … well, maybe it’s just  not you.”

[Jim] “I certainly like to think I’m a man whose words appeal to a wider market.”

Ah, gauntlet thrown. Jim’s bound to do it now!

Joe’s teeth are on the beer mat

Seems they’re still giving him gip.

Jim’s not impressed with Much Ado

[Jim] “Explores the obstacles to young love, and the merry war between the sexes … a fuss about not lot.”

Joe concurs.

[Joe] “I don’t want to watch men, in tights, kissing in the village hall … good old fashioned blood and gore, that would be worth buying a ticket for!”

(begs the question about what venue would Joe prefer to watch men, in tights, kissing)

Joe keeps losing his teeth: Thurs 27.09.12

The Archers Thursday 27th September 2012
  • George can only take pineapple
  • Can Mike work any harder?
  • Eddie’s running away from Joe’s teeth
  • Will gets sanctimonious
  • Tracey’s a dinner lady

George can only take pineapple

He can’t have any of the beans, as there’s none to spare.

It’s alright George.

Most folk only give the tins they don’t want any more for Harvest Supper.

[Ed] “We could with a hamper ourselves this year.”

Aye, if only Emma and Ed’s pride would let them ask for it.

Can Mike work any harder?

He’s already doing Harry’s round. Though it is taking him half the time. He’s already lost 5 customers (due to them cost saving rather than out of protest).

And he does the green burial site. A bit of forestry. The bottling … (I’ve probably missed something, but you get the gist. Mike works all hours)

While Vicky is taking her maternity, she’s decided she won’t be going back to work.

Oh blimey.

[Mike] “We’ll cope … I’ll do everything I can. We’ll be fine, I know we will.”

That means Mike not getting a replacement for Harry at all. He’ll do it all himself.

[Mike] “Besides, it’s the right thing. And I want to do the right thing for you and the little un.”

[Vicky] “Oh Mike, I am so lucky to have you.”


Here’s hoping Mike’s not in for any accidents or sudden illnesses soon.

Eddie’s running away from Joe’s teeth

Seems Joe is having issues with his teeth.

They’re bothering him. So he keeps taking them out. Then losing them.

Eddie even found them in the bread bin earlier today.

So, Eddie’s taken refuge in The Bull.

[Eddie] “Quite a thing with a man has to come to the pub to get away from his father’s teeth.”

Will gets sanctimonious

Will’s taken George out for food.

He’s a bit shocked that George is checking the prices before he orders, checks if Will can afford what he’s about to order, and mutters something about “we have to try and make do with what we’ve got”.

[Will] “You have whatever you want from that menu. When you’re with me, money’s no object.”

So, Will being Will, he shouts about it to Nic. He’s furious Ed and Emma have been talking about their finances in front of George.

[Will] “In front of my son, Telling him he can’t take a few cans of beans into school for the harvest festival …I'm not having George suffer, just because Ed can’t manage his finances … I’m not paying maintenance so they two can fritter their money away on goodness knows what. That money is meant to be spent on George … it’s obvious, Ed and Emma aren’t providing properly for my son.”

Here we go again.

Ed in the blue corner, Will in the red.

Just in time for Christmas.

Tracey’s a dinner lady

At Loxley Barrett Primary.

Glad she got work.

And hope she makes cheesy wheels.

They were fab.

No panto this year, it’s Shakespeare instead: Wed 26.09.12

The Archers Wednesday 26th September 2012
  • I miss the Panto …
  • Damn you, Stratford upon Avon!
  • Keep a special eye out for Bob Pullen
  • Wonky carrots at Bridge Farm
  • Something electric blue
  • Brenda’s not content with Tom?
  • You shouldn’t say Down’s Syndrome baby

I miss the Panto …

Christmas Around the World last year, and no Panto again this year.


I like an Ambridge Panto, I do.

Damn you, Stratford Upon Avon!

If you hadn’t inspired Lynda, I might have had my Panto.

Instead, Lynda’s has decreed that the Christmas Extravaganza for 2012 will be Shakespearian.

Jim suggests Henry V.

Lynda does not concur.

[Lynda] “Christmas, after all, is a time for laughter and lightness, not death and destruction.”

Though Jim was happy to lend his opinion, he wasn’t so keen to attend the meeting to fox the Christmas plans. Lynda had to strong arm him.

[Lynda] “If the village is to get it right, we need a diversity of voices.”

Vicky didn’t take any persuading. Though she would obviously welcome some distraction from her worries, Lynda has also told Vicky she’s badly needed.

[Vicky] “Lynda needs some artistic expertise …”

[Brenda] “Sounds ominous …”

Indeed it was!

Lynda served volovants.

(which I know is very seventies, but I actually do quite like a volovant).

Anyhoo – the conversation went between whether it should be As You Like It, or Much Ado.



Just do a Panto!!!

(ahem, sorry, excuse me)

They choose Much Ado About Nothing.

Which Lynda desperately wants Jim to play a role in.

[Lynda] “Do you know, I think you’d make a wonderful Dogberry … blending his jobs worthy ambitions with a dry and ironic wit. What do you say?”

Lynda put her sexy voice on at the end of that.

Terrifying …

Keep a special eye out for Bob Pullen

Lynda’s mentioned that he’s looking even more fragile.

Wonky carrots at Bridge Farm

[Tony] “The wonkier they are, the better they taste.”

Ah, Tony’s in fine feckle these days.

That’ll be because he hasn’t got to do every milking, and they’ve even got “casuals” in to  help lift the spuds.

Something electric blue

Is what Brenda has bought Vicky. New maternity wear.

Brenda’s not content with Tom?

Pat’s noticed there’s something not entirely right with Tom.

Now, that could be one of many, many things … and not even woes about his ready meals.

She corners Tom, and gets him to talk.

[Tom] “It’s not the business … it’s Brenda. I’m just, I dunno, sometimes, I’m just not sure she’s as committed to our relationship as I am … whenever I try to talk to her about the future, she always wants to change the subject … I can’t shake off the idea that there’s something else.”

[Pat] “She might just simply be content with what you’re got at the moment, You’re happy, living together, you both have a healthy degree of independence.”

[Tom] “You’re probably right mum, but wouldn’t you like to see us make a bigger commitment. Wouldn’t you like more grandchildren?”

[Pat] “Enjoy what you have together, and let the future unfold as it sees fit. None of us know what’s round the corner, Tom.”

Sound words Pat.

Will Tom listen?

Or will he keep pushing?

The simple answer is that Tom’s easily distracted.

The holiday company he supplied ready meals to has placed another order.
Seems it’s a big one - for meatballs and sausage casserole. They want it for the October half term. AND they want sausage and bacon for their farmhouse packs.

Which makes Tom forget all of his worries about Brenda.

[Tom] “We are a stonkingly good team.”

You shouldn’t say Down’s Syndrome baby

Lynda said it to Vicky.

[Vicky] “You should say baby with down syndrome. It’s about putting the baby first, and the syndrome second, because it’s a baby like another baby, just a bit different.”

Well said Vicky.

This baby is indeed lucky to have you as a mum.

Fallon and Rhys’ big night out: Tues 25.09.12

The Archers Tuesday 25th September 2012
  • Just mates on a night out
  • A shop? Sounds Like a night club
  • Some mate Brenda is …
  • Rhys doesn’t like sharing his food
  • No work allowed
  • Matt whisks Lilian away
  • Tom’s cobbler was cobblers

Just mates on a night out

So Fallon and Rhys went off on their much deserved night off – as paid for by Kenton and Jolene.

But Fallon feels odd that it’s just she and he.

They’re just mates.

[Kirsty] “So you’re worried about having a good time?”


If Fallon and Rhys don’t get together after all of this (a la Fallon and Harry), one will not be amused …

A shop? Sounds Like a night club

Goodness, I must be getting old. I thought it was bad enough that I only like pubs with no music, and where I can get a seat. Now it seems shops are too loud for me.

Fallon was out shopping with Brenda, trying to find something new to wear tonight.

It was ear achingly loud.

Some mate Brenda is …

Just as I was staring to appreciate Brenda (she’s been a marvel with Vicky), she goes and becomes the ‘normal’ Brenda again.

Matt’s was on about Jazzer not being able to pay the full rent, as he still doesn’t have a flatmate. He’s going to throw Jazzer out if he doesn’t manage to find a solution.

He tells Brenda to write Jazzer an eviction letter, which she does. Without complaint, neither remorse nor any pity for her supposed mate.

In fact, I could actually hear her smirking …

Nasty girl.

Rhys doesn’t like sharing his food

Rhys and Fallon have gone to a Caribbean restaurant.

Rhys has mango and crayfish salad.

Which Fallon thinks look delicious. Rhys offers her a taste. But she doesn’t want it. Then she does.

I thought Fallon was worried they’d be re-enacting that spaghetti scene from Lady and the Trap … but seems she was picking up vibes from Rhys.

He doesn’t actually like to share.

[Fallon] “That’s weird. I knew it. You're weird!”

I quite agree.

Food is most definitely to be shared.

No work allowed

Rhys and Fallon have agreed that they’re not allowed to talk work.

So they rambled on about plants.

Which was odd.

Thing is, they weren’t talking about work as in the practical side of it. They were talking about the social side. The folks and things of Ambridge.

Which I think is a fair topic for dinner conversation.

And, without that to talk about, Rhys and Fallon haven’t much to say.

[Fallon] “Wonder how long the next course is going to take …”

Rhys turns to talking about sport. He starts telling Fallon the intricacies of weight lifting … funnily enough, Fallon wants to end their dinner early.

[Fallon] “I can’t listen to you anymore, droning on and on about one sport or another.”

But the evening wasn’t a complete disaster.

By the end of their meal. Fallon sounded quite jolly again.

Might have been the wine.

She and Rhys find they have £30 left of the money Jolene and Kenton gave them.

Off dancing they go.

Matt whisks Lilian away

Matt demanded Lilian come outside, and have a look in his boot …

… I thought he was showing her a corpse … Lilian was also quite perturbed.

[Lilian] “Matt, you haven’t done something terrible have you?”

Matt reveals it’s quite the opposite.

Matt’s booked a boutique night in London, then the Eurostar, to be in Paris by 10am.


[Matt] “You’ve been a bit below par haven’t you, so I though some TLC was in order.”

[Lilian] “You’re certainly full of surprises,  aren’t you.”

[Matt] “I certainly am … (the aside, to himself) … and don’t you forget it …”


So Matt has spotted that Lilian will know Paul’s back within reach.

Flatter and pamper the lady to keep the lady?

Tom’s cobbler was cobblers

Tom was at a food fair, inflicting his ready meals on an unsuspecting public.

Though they had the last laugh.

His Cobbler wasn’t popular. Nor his stir fry.

But Tom’s not down heartened. He’s glad to have the feedback. Though he would have liked some orders as well.

And at least he has his woman.

[Tom] “What would I do without you, eh?”

[Brenda] “Drink less wine …”

Tom makes mention of their wedding again.

Brenda ignores him …

Oh dear.

Didn’t Brenda say to leave it for a bit? Tom surely can’t think he can make Brenda suddenly want to marry him by going on, and on, and on, and on, and on …

Ruth is described as a “trailblazer”: Mon 24.09.12

The Archers Monday 24th September 2012
  • Still not enough bread at Ed and Emma’s
  • Matt doesn’t impress Jim
  • Jim has nothing to do
  • Why did Emma need to scrub the oven so hard?
  • Who is an interesting Ambridge figure?

Still not enough bread at Ed and Emma’s

Quite literally.

George had the last of the bread last night, so Ed can’t have any this morning.

Poor Ed.

But to add insult to injury – George now wants to do karate. Which means having to pay for them. With money they don’t have.

Ed wants to ask the Karate folks if they can pay in instalments, but Emma’s furious at that suggestions. She wants their money woes kept private.

However – Emma then later asks Ruth for an advance on her cleaning wages (so that she can then pay for all of George’s karate lessons in one go).

Which isn’t a very private way to get ready money. Surely Ruth will twig?

Ed concurs that it wasn’t a good idea. As well as more folks guessing their financial situation:

[Ed] “You’ll be working for nothing for the next two weeks.”

Technically not – but his point is fair.

[Emma] “Tell me it wasn’t worth it to see his face light up like that?”


[Emma] “Ed, we’re okay, aren’t we … you and me against the world?”

[Ed] “Yeah, like it’s always been”

Now, I know it’s important that kids do stuff out with school and their home.

But is karate lessons really a priority when there’s not even enough bread to eat?

Matt doesn’t impress Jim

Matt roars by in his car, shocking Christine.

Jim’s advice for Matt (though not said to his face) is that he needs to think about “Truly being something rather than just merely seeming something” …

[Jim] “Otherwise no good will come of that man, you mark my words.”

[Christine] “I’m sorry to say that I do sometimes Lilian had chosen a more suitable companion.”

Steady on Christine! That was close to an insult.

Jim has nothing to do

[Jim] “Since the heady excitement of the Flower and Produce show, I’ve had a bit of a come down.”

Jim found the challenge of building his roman oven to have been very rewarding, and also “sparked a degree of local interest”.

[Jim] “Now that’s waned, there seems to be a rather significant hole in my day.”

Aw, bless Jim.

He needs something to do AND have everyone noticing him doing it.

At least he’s honest.

And at least he’s got coffee with Christine.

[Jim] “I’ve been feeling rather under stimulated, intellectually.”

Not only does Jim not having anything to do, he’s also unsatisfied about the local magazine, Borchester Life. It just full of adverts and sponsored events.

[Jim] “With an occasional article about the local countryside to level the dross.”

Wonder why Jim is picking on a magazine ….

… surprise! Christine suggests that he could talk to the editor (Glen Whitehouse) to do a series of articles about “interesting figures” in the local area.

That would have been my first suggestion as well (!).

Why did Emma need to scrub the oven so hard?

Surely the Brookfield oven isn’t used very often?

Who is an interesting Ambridge figure?

Now that Jim has a plan, he just needs to pick who should be the focus of his first article.

He and Christine are outside, when they spot Ruth.

Of course! Everyone knows that Ruth was “one of the original trailblazers for women in farming”.

[Jim] “In many people's eyes, you are a local pioneer .. I believe your story could enlighten and inspire others.”

[Ruth] “I don’t know Jim, I love me work, but I’m happy to just be getting on with it.”

So it’s a no.

Is it just me – or are Jim and Christine behaving rather oddly?

What is she putting in her Dundee cake …

Hangovers, Bangkok, Chicken and Paul Morgan: Sun 23.09.12

The Archers Sunday 23rd September 2012
  • Lilian’s feeling delicate
  • Should Kenton be boasting about Bangkok?
  • Josh likes Phoebe’s chickens
  • Kate likes Durban
  • Can Lilian leave Paul alone?
  • Fallon and Rhys’ big night out
  • Phoebe prefers Ambridge to South Africa

Lilian’s feeling delicate

She must have been drowning her feelings about Paul Morgan last night …

[Lilian] “That second bottle  might have been a mistake.”

[Matt] “Happy accident. They do say pleasure has its price.”

Matt sounds very chirpy indeed. He’s persuaded Lilian not to work today. Would seem he’s spotted something is up with his Puss

[Lilian] “Sometimes I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Always the same old thing.”

With Matt knowing Paul is back in the area, he’s surely spotted that he might have competition?

Should Kenton be boasting about Bangkok?

[Kenton] “Bangkok was something else.”

[Fallon] “I don’t know, you come round here with your fancy ways …”

I think Kenton need to shush about Bangkok.

As I mentioned the other day, is it not taking the Michael that they went there when Jill had paid for their trip to new Zealand?

That sort of expansive (and expensive) stop off doesn’t seem quite right to me.

Anyhoo, Kenton obviously doesn’t give a hoot, and waffles on about how bliss it was to stare at fires and cook on rocks.

[Matt] “If you did that here, health and safety would shut you down!”

Josh likes Phoebe’s chickens

The chickens are really Hayley’s responsibility, but Phoebe’s taken over. Seems Abbie is playing up – crying when she’s dropped off at school every day. So Hayley is too stressed to deal with the chickens.

[Josh] “It’s no work at all. Why do adults have to make it so complicated?”

Jennifer happens along.

[Phoebe] “They’ve gone quiet cause they’re eating.”

[Jennifer] “Oh, what lovely manners!”


(does anyone else find it odd when Jennifer is called granny?)

Kate likes Durban

So says Jennifer.

Would seem the sand and sarongs is very much to Kate’s liking.

[Jennifer] “It’s funny, she’s tuning into the very lady of leisure she used to berate me for being.”

As long as Kate’s leisurely life is lived well away from Ambridge (and the secret microphones don’t go for a holiday with her again), I’ll be quite content with that.

Can Lilian leave Paul alone?

Lilian tells Jennifer that Paul Morgan is back on the scene.

[Jennifer] “You have very strong feelings for one another.”

[Lilian] “It was all such a  very long time ago. I think things are best left well alone.”

Well then, Lilian.

Even you can’t believe that’s true.

Fallon and Rhys’ big night out

In thanks for managing The Bull while they were away, Jolene and Kenton are paying for Fallon and Rhys to have a night out.


Wonder where that will lead …

Phoebe prefers Ambridge to South Africa

[Phoebe] “It might not be the most buzzing place in the world, but you know where you are in Ambridge.”


Well said, young lady.

Fishing makes everything better: Fri 21.09.12

The Archers Friday 21st September 2012
  • Paul Morgan …
  • Roy and Mike, gone fishing
  • Why can’t Eddie be more like Lilian?

Paul Morgan …

[Darrell] “Paul Morgan.”

[Lilian] “Paul Morgan?”

[Darrell] “Yeah, do you know ‘im?”

[Lilian] “Yeah. We have … met.”

Oho! Darrell was only mentioning to Lilian that he wouldn’t be working for Amside as often because of the Church job. Which Paul Morgan happens to be managing.

Wonder why Matt didn’t make mention of that to Lilian …

Roy and Mike, gone fishing

Which is all Mike really wants. That, and a pint at The Bull.

[Mike] “That will do me a lot more good than belly aching.”

And Mike’s not wrong.

He was at first furious with the way Eddie and Joe had been behaving, but, after a few casts, had a better sense of proportion.

It also helps that Roy (generally) talks sense.

[Roy] “Whatever it is, we can do something about it.”

[Mike] “Not unless we can turn back time, I’m too old Roy … I shan’t the energy for any child, let alone …”

Ah – but Roy points out that Mike has plenty of energy for Phoebe and Abbie.

Mike then worries about Phoebe being frightened of his and Vicky’s baby.

[Roy] “What of?”

[Mike] “Her being different.”

[Roy] “Kids think it’s a good thing to be different, school tells them so.”

Seems Phoebe has a classmate who has a brother than has down’s syndrome. He seemingly likes music (I have no idea why that’s relevant, but it’s what Roy said)

[Roy] “Hayley said something very wise to me … she said, it takes a special person to bring up a child with special needs .. .and you are that person.”

[Mike] “That’s lovely, but I aren’t sure it’s true.”

Roy reckons he’s sure.

Especially as Mike and Vicky have the whole family to depend on.

[Roy] “She is my family, Hayley’s too … and Brenda feels the same way, well she’s in it for the long haul, and so am I.”

And on that note – Mike lands a right fighter.

How apt.

Why can’t Eddie be more like Lilian?

Lilian happens by Mike:

[Lilian] “I heard the news about the baby … well I can’t think of two better to bring her up … and if there’s ever anything I can do.”

Eddie also nearly happens by Mike … but makes his excuses not to stop and chat.

Mike noticed, and was upset. Eddie and Joe have been avoiding him since he told them about his baby having down’s syndrome.

But, later on, Eddie seeks Mike out to apologise.

[Eddie] “It was a shock … it was difficult with dad, he is a bit of a dinosaur … I was so nervous about what he might say … I thought it might be better if we just steered clear for a bit … I’m sorry I’ve been such a pillock about this, honestly, I think this will be one lucky baby to have you and Vicky as parents … it’ll be a hard road, but ain’t it always with kids, lord knows I’ve had enough drama with my two. And if you need anything, anything at all, I’m your man.”

That’s better!

Mike also accepts that Eddie was just finding it as difficult as Mike had found it.

[Mike] “I got me family and friends behind me, and Vicky’s so happy … I’m in a much better place than I was this time last week.”

The night Tug Flower came to Ambridge: Thurs 20.09.12

The Archers Thursday 20th September 2012
  • Back home, to a nice cup of tea
  • Kenton’s lost his wanderlust
  • Who is cooler … David or Kenton?
  • “Kiwis can’t fly”
  • Helen gives Ifty an ‘in’
  • Tug Fowler was a marmite issue
  • Some of Tug’s material

Back home, to a nice cup of tea

Was there ever a British person who, on walking back into their home from holiday, didn’t put the kettle on for a ‘proper’ cuppa?

Well, that’s exactly what Kenton and Jolene did on getting home to The Bull.

Kenton’s lost his wanderlust

Though he enjoyed New Zealand, with a detour to Thailand, Kenton’s most definitely glad to be back in Ambridge,

He reckons himself that he must be getting old to want to stay put in one place.

Though I reckon that’s more to do with having found the right woman …

Who is cooler … David or Kenton?

(actually, I don’t think it’s even cool to say cool anymore. Ho hum).

Kenton’s surprised to see David turning up for the Tug Fowler comedy gig.

[David] “What, are you saying that I haven’t got a sense of humour?”

[Kenton] “I just thought you might be too long in the tooth for this edgy new stuff.”

[Kirsty] “Kenton! You’re older than David aren’t you?”

[Kenton] “Yeah, but I’ve always been down with the kids.”

[Kirsty] “Not if you’ve been saying that to them …”

“Kiwis can’t fly”

Says Kenton.

 “So why are so many of them running bars in London?”

Says David.

Boom boom!

Helen gives Ifty an ‘in’

Seems Helen was supposed to be sitting with Kirsty, but she decided to sit with someone else to talk potty training.

(we can only take Kirsty’s word for that. Helen hasn’t uttered a word in a fair while now)

Some bloke asked Kirsty if he could sit next to her, and started talking about the comedy night was illustrating how great villages were – that generations mix and the like.

It was only when he started talking about Jim that I twigged it was Ifty.

[Ifty] “I’ve heard he has a reputation for acerbic wit.”

[Kirsty] “You mean sarky.”

Sounds like Ifty is quite taken with Kirsty. He even asked her out by the end of the night.

Tug Fowler was a marmite issue

We didn’t get to hear any of Tug’s routine, but we did get to hear the response from the crowd at the end of it.

A smattering of clapping.

Disgruntled mutterings.

Someone shouting “Rubbish”.

Kenton shouting: “brilliant, brilliant, more! Encore!”

Oh dear.

Looks like Tug wasn’t to everyone’s taste.

[Jolene] “Some of his material weren’t what quite what they were expecting.”

[Rhys] “At least they didn’t throw vegetables at him. That’s always the risk when you play a country crowd. And with it being Flower and Produce.”

[Fallon] “I can’t believe that I managed to alienate so many of mum’s regulars.”

Jolene had to try and personally apologise to Bob Pullen.

[Jolene] “He’s just gone off in a huff.”

[Kirsty] “Very slowly …”

Seems it took Mr Pullen an age to stand up and get to the toilets during Tug’s session, which Tug took the Michael out of him for.

Overall, it seems Tug’s humour was ‘too adult’ for most of the Ambridge residents.

[Kirsty] “Although if Mr Pullen isn’t an adult, I don’t know who is!”

Ah – fair point indeed.

But I’m really surprised Fallon got it so wrong.

She must have been drunk when she saw Tug at the Fringe, and forgot he was the blue side of the moon. Fallon certainly knows her regulars better than that.

Some of Tug’s material

As told by the residents of Ambridge, so maybe the humour was lost in translation.

10 things you can do with an oddly shaped carrot

“How many farmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Do you think farmers can afford a light bulb!”

“What do you call 3 ducks, a bench and a war memorial … Ambridge”

Huh … seems fairly tame to me.

Pavel leaves, Adam tells Jennifer everything: Wed 19.09.12

The Archers Wednesday 19th September 2012
  • A last minute trip to Thailand
  • Folks are avoiding Mike
  • Vicky and Mike  = baby = no wedding for Tom
  • Pavel was a just a lost young ‘un?
  • Didn’t Adam realise Pavel was gay?!?

A last minute trip to Thailand

Oh aye, we can all just nip off and do that.

Seems Kenton and Jolene can certainly do so.

Funny thing that. Considering Jill paid for most of their trip …

Folks are avoiding Mike

Mike thinks his mates are avoiding him. Especially when he goes into The Bull.

[Tom] “Maybe they just don’t know what to say.”

[Brenda] “They knew what to say when he first told them … they were really nice then … if they’re saying what he thinks he might have said, and that’s what’s upsetting him.”

Seems Roy is taking Mike fishing on Saturday, so he’ll hopefully be able to talk properly then.

Thank goodness Roy’s not a ‘proper’ macho type bloke. Who would Mike (eventually) talk to if he was?

Vicky and Mike  = baby = no wedding for Tom

Are Tom and Brenda going to get married?

I had been saying, for a fair while, that Tom and Brenda have made little mention of their engagement or wedding. They seemed to make a fuss getting engaged, then that was that.

Recently, Tom’s been bringing it up.

Unfortunately for Brenda, mention of their wedding is in the same sentence as Tom’s bloomin’ ready meals …

Tom’s told Brenda he’s got them a nice supper ready.

Guess what?


Ready meals.

Brenda put a brave face on it though.

[Brenda] “ …that’s all a woman wants, a partner who knows how to use a microwave.”

[Tom] “You ain't seen nothing yet, wait til you hear about my plans for our wedding breakfast!”

[Brenda] “As long as they don’t involve ready meals, I don’t mind.”

Actually, I think Brenda does mind very much indeed. I thought she’d rather there was no wedding breakfast at all …

And right enough, Brenda finds her excuse.

Brenda was over at Vicky’s, showing her a website she’d found with a huge selection of wall freezes.

Vicky’s talking about how good it is that Mike seems to be on side again:

[Vicky] “He’s starting to want the baby now, that’s the difference …I was lucky to be pregnant at all, I’d given up hope … It makes it all the most previous. My daughter will always need me, and I’ll always be there to love and support her. Does that sound selfish?   I’ve got so much love to give a child, I’ve been saving it all these years, and now I know why, because my little girl is going to need all of it, every bit of it.”

(my word – that baby really couldn’t be hoping for a better mother)

When Brenda got back to Tom:

[Brenda] “I can’t believe how I’ve underestimated that women.”

Both she and Tom agree that they’re both committed to supporting Mike, Vicky and their baby.

Which Brenda reckons means putting the wedding on hold.

Tom had been thinking about dates, but:

[Brenda] “Not at the moment, not with this other stuff going on.”

Now, I’m not saying Brenda is callously using excuses, but it does seem a bit neat.

Hmmm …

Pavel was a just a lost young ‘un?

As Adam was trying to herd all of the fruit pickers to the airport, and onto their plane (were they all Polish?), Pavel had been desperately trying to get a word with Adam alone. When he finally does corner him:

[Pavel] “You know it was special for me … I’m not going to make a scene, but I couldn’t leave without telling you how great it was to be part of the wonderful life you and Ian have … you're very lucky, Adam, to have all this, and to share it with Ian. Look after him, he’s a lovely man. And I’ve had the time of my life.”


It would seem Pavel wasn’t a villain after all.

Just a young chap experiencing the world – and one where he could be himself without fear.

Still, I don’t quite believe Adam was the only other gay man in Borchester (apart from Ian). Surely Pavel could have spread his oats just a wee bit further?

Didn’t Adam realise Pavel was gay?!?

Adam’s back from the airport, feeling rather sheepish about the way he’s treated Pavel.

He was trying to pass it off as not having liked Pavel, but Jennifer knows better …

[Jennifer] “I’d have thought you’d have got on rather well … I wondered if perhaps he might be gay, having   a   hard time being accepted … call it a mother’s instinct, and you didn’t realise?”

[Adam] “No. I wish I had. I didn’t know he was gay until …”

[Jennifer] “You're not saying that something happened between you and Pavel?”

[Adam] “Yes something happened. I slept with him.”

Adam tells Jennifer that after the massive argument he’d had with Ian, he’d gone to a gay bar in Felpersham. Pavel was there. They had a few drinks. And, well … Adam realised Pavel was in fact gay.

Poor Jennifer has been there, heard it, dealt with it so many times. Having affairs really in the Aldridge (and Macy) family hobby.

[Jennifer] “But however bad the row was, he loves you so much … and with Pavel of all people! You were his boss!”

[Adam] “And the way I’ve behaved ever since has been worse, today I just couldn’t wait to see the back of him, and then, he was so generous to me. So kind, really.”

[Jennifer] “And you found you still had feelings for him?”

[Adam] “I did it with a vulnerable young man, finding his way in the world, what was I thinking …. I don’t know if I can live with the guilt.”

[Jennifer] “We’ll you’ll have to.”

[Adam] “Should I tell Ian?”

[Jennifer] “No. Absolutely not.”

[Adam] “But how am I going to make it right?”

[Jennifer] “Love Ian like he should be loved. Cherish every moment of your life together, and take care of what you’ve got. It’s so previous. And you know that now.”

I can see Jennifer’s point. Adam telling Ian wouldn’t make a difference for the better – just would ease Adam’s guilt.

But shouldn’t Ian be given the choice?

Wouldn’t Jennifer want to know if Brian wandered … again?

Joe and David’s birthday: Tues 18.09.12

The Archers Tuesday 18th September 2012
  • David got bacon and two nights out
  • Pavel just wants to say goodbye
  • Joe got to sit in The Bull all day
  • “Your ever loving sister”
  • Joe’s not very PC

David got bacon and two nights out

He was very chuffed indeed.

Ruth’s taking him away for a night stay over in a hotel, and to the theatre. And this time, they’ll be alone:

[Ruth] “And this time without Ben so I have you all to meself.”

Josh gave David a ticket for the comedy night at The Bull. Though it seems he bought it for himself without realising that it’s for over 18s only. (who sold him it, eh?). But David’s’ not perturbed about his ‘recycled’ present:

[David] “So in this case, it’s not the thought that counts, it’s the money.”

Josh has also done Rhys a favour. Seems tickets for the comedy show haven’t been selling fast. Rhys has had to resort to trying to sell tickets to anyone. Including Eddie and Joe …

Pavel just wants to say goodbye

Pavel’s leaving tomorrow. He’s trying to find Adam, so calls round at Jennifer’s.

Pavel tells Jennifer that he’s very sad to be going back to Poland. He lives with his parents, and doesn't feel he has any freedom.

Joe got to sit in The Bull all day

And have his breakfast. And lunch. And numerous pints. Even David buys him one:

[Ruth] “How come it never works the other way round?”

Indeed. Considering it’s David’s birthday in the same day. Every year. And Joe never buys him a drunk.

Despite Joe’s boozy day, bizarrely, didn’t seem to get drunk.

Must be from all those 90 plus years of drinking experience.

“Your ever loving sister”

Elizabeth left a present and card for David, with Emma.

Why did she leave it with Emma?

I’ve no idea …

Anyhoo – as well as a nice card – Elizabeth gave David a book of Borchester photographs.

It had a photograph of Brookfield, 1912, with ‘Tenant farmer John Archers’ in front of it.

Elizabeth’s message to David:

“To my dearest brother David, a present to celebrate the past and look forward to the future. Your ever loving sister.”

[Ruth] “Oh that’s lovely.”

[David] “Yes, no need to cry then, is there?”

(he is crying)

That’ll be that then.

David and Elizabeth. Back together again.

Until Elizabeth finds something else to blame him for …

Joe’s not very PC

Joe and Eddie are discussing Mike and Vicky’s baby.

[Joe] “Sometimes I do think that them doctors can do too much … I think he’s very brave taking it on, at his age.”

Eddie tells him to shut up.

Imagine what Mike would have said …

Jazzer and Christine: Mon 17.09.12

The Archers Monday 17th September 2012
  • Was Christine flirting with Jazzer?
  • Darrell takes the floor boards up
  • Brian and Jennifer are genuinely supportive

Was Christine flirting with Jazzer?

Jazzer happens to be passing Christine’s when she’s struggling to get an armchair out of her front door. She was coping, and had managed to wedge it in.

[Jazzer] “I think that was the problem. You were pushing when you were pulling.”

Christine invites Jazzer in for tea and toast. Jazzer’s most delighted to accept:

[Jazzer] “As long as that bread isn’t a present from Jim!”

My word – Jazzer really is still smarting about losing the Flower and Produce Show – losing the bread competition to Oliver (and Jim, who came in second).

He’s still insistent he shouldn’t have been disqualified – bread from a  bread maker is still bread. Christine admits she also uses one.

[Jazzer] “Ah, there you see, if a respectable church going woman like you uses one …”

As they chat, Christine admits that she’s never been to see a stand-up comedian. Jim’s quite insistent she goes to see the forthcoming one (Tug Flower) at The Bull.

[Christine] “Jim’s trying to broaden my horizons.”

[Jazzer] “He’s tried that on me a couple of times but it hasn’t worked yet, but.”

(I have wondered about Jazzer’s rather over emphasised Scottish accent before. He’s obviously doing it to show off to his Sassenach pals, and it can often lead to him wandering through different Scottish accents and phrases. Using “but” at the end of a sentence is very much an Edinburgh habit. I thought Jazzer was most decidedly West Coast …)

When Jazzer mentions that he’s struggling for a flatmate, Christine said she’d move in, if she didn’t already have a home. Christine sounded quite genuine (and wistful) as she said it.

Could you just imagine what Christine and Jazzer living together would look like …

Christine also mentioned that she thought Jazzer was such a “strong, helpful young man”.

Sounds like a crush to me …

… Ambridge does Mrs Robinson?


Darrell takes the floor boards up

The pressure of Matt Vs Darrell’s morals Vs Rosa’s scooter seems to have driven Darrell slightly potty.

He’s finally doing Matt’s bidding (to inconvenience Arthur and Joyce to the point they move out, by lifting up the floorboards, and leaving them). But he’s doing so will still accepting the tea, cake and chat from Arthur and Joyce.

That’s not very nice. And not very like Darrell. Who is generally a nice chap.

He was even starting to annoy the unflappable Arthur.

Darrell has the upstairs landing up, and also the toilet. With Joyce’s hips, she won’t be able to get anywhere upstairs, including the toilet.

Darrell presses on regardless.

I suppose he also does have a washing machine off, so he must have decided to toughen up and get the money in.

Brian and Jennifer are genuinely supportive

Now that’s a rare thing indeed …

Mike called to say he’d be round to talk to them.

Though they were at first laughing about what Vicky’s christening invitations would look like (probably something tied to a teddy bear, reckoned Jennifer).

After Mike has been. Jennifer and Brian are a bit stunned. They wish they’d been pre-warned so that they could prepare.

[Jennifer] “ … then you might not have said what you said.”

[Brian] “Well I did my best. What are you supposed to say at a time like that?”

[Jennifer] “Well, not ‘my dear chap, I’m so sorry’ …”

[Brian] “Well, I’m not sorry the baby has Down’s Syndrome, I am of course … I wanted Mike to know how sorry I am for all the worry and heart ache they’re in for.”

Aye, I know what Brian means. He wanted to say that he was sorry, but not judging their baby for being any less a baby because it has a condition. What a minefield.

[Jennifer] “I just kept thinking, there but for the grace of god … I was 43 was Alice was born.”

And they both obviously have experience of being an older parent, because of Ruairi.

They reckon Vicky and Mike have a “long road” ahead of them. They’ll be there to give them all the support they need.

Neil was quite right.

Vicky and Mike certainly aren’t alone.

The Flower and Produce Show 2012: Sun 16.09.12

The Archers Sunday 16th September 2012
  • The Great Ambridge Bread Bake-off (men only)
  • Sunday Lunch at Willow Farm
  • Jazzer nae mates
  • Kenton and Jolene still aren’t home

The Great Ambridge Bread Bake-off (men only)

[Caroline] “Is this the famous Roman loaf?  …  what an interesting shape!”

Caroline’s introducing herself to Jim’s bread, as she’s having to stand in for Oliver.

He can’t make it because his daughter (Emma) has to work (on a Sunday … some sort of how powered firm who’s so bloomin’ important it gets to interrupt), her husband is away on business, and their kid is ill.

[Jim] “So grandchild to the rescue … that’s very altruistic of him.”

But it does mean Oliver will miss his “triumph” … if he wins. Jim’s feeling very confident, and most certainly feels he’s’ better than Neville Booth and Bert Fry.

[Jim] “To tell you the truth Caroline, I don’t care where I;m placed, as long as I beat them.”

Jazzer then crashes in with his last minute entry. He’s feeling just as confident.

[Jazzer] “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Breed making, easy peasy.”

He’s also feeling a tad impatient during the judging. Which he reckons they’re making a meal out of:

[Jazzer] “How difficult can that be, a carrot is a carrot, is it no?”

So, the winner was … Oliver!

[Jazzer] “Oliver first, Derek Fletcher second, and me nowhere.”

Jazzer reckons it’s a fix.

He’s especially annoyed Jim beat him with his Roman bread:

[Jazzer] “Breed that naebodies eaten since something or other BC, that’s just weird!”

[Jim] “It’s not weird, it’s authentic.”

Jazzer’s anger might have something more to do with him being disqualified. For using a bread maker. Seems he didn’t know that homemade bread generally doesn’t have a hole in the bottom.


Anyhoo, Ruth got highly commended for her chrysanthemums. And Jim also got a special prize from Ian for the “most interesting entry”.

[Jazzer] “This is a travesty. I demand a stewards’ enquiry!”

Well, it’s refreshing to have Jazzer demanding such, rather than Joe (as it most other years).

Sunday Lunch at Willow Farm

Is not something most of the Tucker family look forward to at the moment. Mainly due to Vicky and Mike’s current track record of not being able to behaving civilly to each other.

Roy and Brenda are on their way over.

[Brenda] “Big smiles, think positive.”

When Roy and Brenda arrive, Mike’s busy. Painting the baby’s room. Which comes a surprise to them – Mike hadn’t been coping last time they heard.

But now that he is, the family can finally start looking forward to Baby Tucker’s arrival.

[Brenda] “Can’t believe I;m going to have a sister, I’ve wanted one since I was 5 years old.”

As with Vicky, Brenda’s beyond excited, and doesn’t see the baby having Down’s Syndrome as a problem. Brenda reckons her fairy tales aren’t the so called-perfect norm, and she’s looking forward d to sharing those with her sister:

[Brenda] “Where the Princess ditched the Prince and ran off with the dragon.”

[Vicky] “I would like me to tell everyone that, well, this baby is special … it’s not as if it’s bad news.”

[Brenda] “Of course not.”

[Mike concurs] “No …”

Mike’s agreement that it’s not bad news didn’t sound exactly convincing. Maybe he needs a bit more time …

Jazzer nae mates

Well, ‘Jazzer nae flatmate’, to be exact.

He’s still having trouble trying to find someone to live with him after Harry moved out.

Seems two blokes were interested, came round, but decided not to move in. Jim wonders of Jazzer had bothered to tidy up.

[Jazzer] “I go for the lived in look, what to keep it homely.”


He is reaching desperation point. Harry paid to the end of the month, so he needs to either find someone willing to put up with his muck, or get the Mr Sheen out!

Kenton and Jolene still aren’t home

They must be going by a very, very, very slow boat.

They’d left New Zealand on 6th September.

Mike and Vicky are having a girl: Properly: Fri 14.09.12

The Archers Friday 14th September 2012
  • We only listened into Vicky and Mike tonight
  • What’s normal?
  • Mike’s life sentence
  • Mike or the baby?
  • Mike, the dinosaur
  • Somersaulting baby
  • It’s a girl!

We only listened into Vicky and Mike tonight

Which is quite right too. 

It’s about time they talked.

What’s normal?

It started with a wall freeze

Mike’s stressed about the baby. He’s stressed about Vicky. And he’s stressed about having to work extra sans Harry.

(Seems he can’t find anyone to replace Harry to do the milk round.)

When Vicky mentions that she’s thinking of putting a wall freeze round the study/baby’s room, Mike can’t contain his anger:

[Mike, furious] “What do I think!?! …Yeah, well Abbie’s a normal little girl, isn’t she. I just don’t understand it. The whole thing’s a nightmare. Why can’t you see that?”

Well at least Mike said what he felt about their child not being “normal”. Not very palatable to hear, but at least it’s honest.

[Vicky] “Typical man, he can’t even stand competition from his own kids, you know what I think Mike, it’s pathetic … You don’t want me to be okay, do you … it’s what you’ve been hoping, isn’t it … problem solved, eh Mike?”

Vicky’s quite right. It’s what Mike had said to Neil, albeit he was horrified at himself for having thought it.

Vicky also blames him for having had the test, purely because he couldn’t cope with the uncertainty.

[Vicky] “In the end, it didn’t make any difference did it?Knowing for certain.”

And with that, Mike stormed out.

Seems Vicky later stormed out.

When Mike got back in to find she wasn’t there, it calmed him down.

He was ready to talk properly.

Mike’s life sentence

[Mike, feeling calm] “I’m sorry if I sounded unkind this morning.”

[Vicky, feeling angry] “I am having this baby, Mike. I don’t care what you say.”

[Mike, now also angry] “Let me get this say, whatever I say, whatever I feel,  it ain’t gonnae make a blind bit of difference, is that right? If I drop down dead trying to support you both, is that okay too?”

Mike’s perturbed that he’ll have to work well into his 80s. I think he’s missing the point that he’d have had to do that whether their baby had been “normal”.

[Mike] “And I’ll still be getting up at four in the morning. I’ve been working my butt off all my life, and now you’ve condemning me to another 20 years hard labour, is that fair do you think?”

Mike’s really struggling to get over the ‘fact’ (in Mike’s mind) that their child will be dependent on them, and “never leave home”:

[Mike] “It will always depend on us. It’s a life sentence, don’t you understand?”

[Vicky] “No. I don’t … things have changed Mike, all those things you’ve said, it don’t have to be true, it’s my one chance.”

Mike or the baby?

Vicky seems to have had enough. She tells Mike that she’ll do it all without him.

She also wants to start telling everyone that their baby has Down ’s syndrome. She’s “sick” of it being like their “dirty secret”.

[Vicky] “And you can’t stop me.”

[Mike] “So you’d choose this baby over me, would you Vicky?”

[Vicky] “I would, yeah.”

Mike storms out again.

Mike, the dinosaur

Mike’s back again. Feeling sorry. Again.

[Mike] “I hate myself for what I said Vicky. I don’t know myself anymore. I’ve turned into some sort of monster … How could I do it you … you’re right, it is your one chance for being a mother, how can you believe I love you if I’m prepared to deny you that?”

Phew … they both start apologising.

Mike explains that he feels helpless.

[Mike] “This is my child. You’ve got to do something. But you can’t … what really scares me. What will happen to you. I don’t want to leave you to cope on your own, but I;m bound to … that’s what’s so cruel.”

Goodness me, there’s a heck of a lot going on for Mike.

He’s scared of being an old dad. He’s scared of having to work well beyond when he’s probably fit to. That’d all be the case if their baby didn’t have Down’s Syndrome.

But the Down’s Syndrome, and Mike’s (lack of) understanding about it, terrifies him. Especially because he believes their child can never leave home, so, when Mike dies, he’ll be leaving Vicky to cope by herself. When she’ll be no Spring chicken herself. Though she will have Brenda and Roy – who Mike’s also worried about having to burden.

Vicky has other ideas:

[Vicky, mellowing] “Oh, you’re an old dinosaur, that’s your problem. Things are different now Mike. Our baby may have a proper life, enjoy school … maybe even go to College, leave home have relationships, get married, well, if he doesn’t know what’s good for it anyway …”

[Mike] “You're not just pretending to be positive., you really feel it?”

[Vicky] “They say you turn into a lioness, and they’re right.”

[Mike] “I just wish I were ten years younger, that’s all … And you’re sure … I just need to know one last time.”

[Vicky] “I’m not having a termination.”


Will that really be the last time it’s mentioned?

Somersaulting baby

So, it seems Vicky and Mike had made progress.

Mike’s finally had a chance to say everything he’s wanted to say, Vicky seems to have listened to him.

Vicky’s managed to explain that Mike is a tad ignorant of what a child (and adult) with Down’s Syndrome is capable of, Mike seems to have listened.

Just as they’re settling, the baby does a somersault.

[Mike] “I’ll tell you what. Our baby really is special.”

Aw, that’s exactly right, Mike. Nice to hear you say it at last.

Mike tells Vicky that he’ll do his everything to take care of her, and the baby.

[Mike] “If you’ll let me.”

[Vicky] “Oh Mike, I do need you … It’s like I’ve been outside looking in this week … I’ve been so lonely.”
Mike even wants to read the books Vicky’s been reading.

[Mike] “And you’ll have to tell me what I can do to help. You’ve been shouldering it all on your own.”

Thank goodness for that.

It’s a girl!

Time to get that freeze up

So, now with Mike ready to be a dad, they’ll need to get the study painted as the baby’s bedroom.

Vicky seems to have firm ideas …

[Mike] “You know? So, what colour?”

[Vicky] “Pink. For our daughter.”

[Mike] “I reckon she’s going to be okay, don’t you … she’s got a lioness for a mother.”

(Tear in my eye? Yes, there was).

David and Elizabeth, back together again: Thurs 13.09.12

The Archers Thursday 13th September 2012
  • Jim shares his shed secret with Lynda
  • If it was a choice between Mike or the baby …
  • Elizabeth walks in on David
  • Ambridge got a Bronze
  • Squirrel!

Jim shares his shed secret with Lynda

The village is still agog with tales of odd happenings in Jim’s shed.

[David] “Smoke pouring out of the door, and Jim rushing in with a bucket of water”

Later, Jim reveals that he’s been building a  … drum roll … Greek/Roman oven

Clever Jim.

That’s what he’s been building in his shed. Though it’s only Lynda who gets to know his secret (so mind and not tell anyone else).

If it was a choice between Mike or the baby …

Neil’s a good mate

Neil makes sure he bumps into Mike, the makes sure Mike meets him later on for a chat.

Which is exactly what Mike needs. Someone to talk to.

[Mike] “Keep thinking I’m going to wake up … find out it’s all going to be a bad dream … never realised how happy I was, until this happened.”

Mike talks to Neil about how he and Vicky can’t talk.

[Mike] “Nothing seems to come natural. It’s like we’re both trying to fill the silence, somehow … all I can think about is how can we possibly manage, it’s like a dark cloud over me all the time … is it fair on the child … bringing it into the world.”

[Neil] “And you can’t say that to her?”

[Mike] “She can’t even think about it. She wants the baby Neil. I just wish I could turn the clock back.”

[Neil] “I know it’s not what either of you would have chosen, but it’s happened … and maybe there’s one thing you need to remember in all this … Vicky; made you so happy these last few years … she changed everything, didn’t she … so if you try to insist that she has a termination, won’t you risk losing her.”

[Mike] “I know. I just can’t imagine life without her.”

[Neil] “If she wants to have this baby, nothing’s going to stop her.”

[Mike] “That’s what scares me.”


Mike or the baby – it’d be the baby for Vicky, every time.

Elizabeth walks in on David

David sneaks in to see Freddie while Elizabeth is out, and has a grand time cheering him up by being so bad at playing a football computer game.

Elizabeth must have come home early, and it must have been a shock to see David there, but she didn’t throw him out. She insisted he stay.

Freddie squarely beats David at the computer game, to which Elizabeth remarks that David is a better loser these days. She remembers what he was like when the family played board games at Christmas.

[Elizabeth] “You’d get really annoyed if I beat you then.”

[David] “What? It was you! If you didn’t get Park lane or Mayfair, you’d tip the board over.”

[Freddie] “I just can’t believe how you managed without computer games”

As David gets to go, Elizabeth walks him out, and thanks him.

[Elizabeth] “Freddie seems so much brighter for seeing you.”

[David] “I can’t tell you what it’s meant to be here again Elizabeth. I’ve missed you.”

[Elizabeth] “Me too.”


Thank goodness that’s over.

Now the Archer clan (Phil/Jill branch) can be a proper clan again.

Lucky thing that, what with Christmas approaching.

Ambridge got a Bronze

In Britain in Bloom. Which Lynda is delighted with, and sees as “credible”.

They even got a certificate!

[Lynda] “We thought it should take pride of place in the village hall so everyone could share in its glory.”

Quite right,

Well done Ambridge.


(seriously, if you haven’t seen the film Up – please do so soon. Especially recommended for dog owners. And you’ll also understand why I get so excited when anyone mentions squirrel!)

Scruff runs of barking while Jim and Lynda are chatting. Which is what he did when they thought they’d spotted the Ambridge Beast.

They then hear and see bushes rustling. Which is what they saw and heard when they thought they’d spotted the Ambridge Beast.

[Lynda] “You don’t think … surely …”

[Jim] “I don’t know Lynda, but shall we keep it to ourselves this time … and whatever it was, I should say it was considerably larger than a squirrel, wouldn’t you?”

Oho! Eddie better get to making more of his statues.

Jim can’t get peace in his shed: Wed 12.09.12

The Archers Wednesday 12th September 2012
  • Pavel wants to say goodbye
  • Darrell takes up the floorboards
  • Is that Paul as in THE Paul?
  • What’s going on in Jim’s shed?
  • Jim appreciates Fallon’s talents
  • Darrell has to buy a washing machine

Pavel wants to say goodbye

He asks Adam to his caravan. He’s about to leave to go back home.

(and makes tea, which he reckons he’s now got the hand of. He reckons he was using too many bags at first)

Pavel reckons he wants to say goodbye properly to Adam. Adam wants to walk away and forget him and what happened.

[Pavel] “Why feel so guilty, why not see it for what it is?”

Adam reckons he might have been a bit more relaxed about it when he was younger, but not now. Not married to Ian.

Pavel tries to wind Adam up again by suggesting Ian was up for it when he came onto him, but Adam doesn’t believe him.

[Pavel] “Though he was tempted anyway. What’s so wrong with being tempted, if it doesn’t hurt anyone?”

[Adam] “Well it does.”

[Pavel] “I just want to say goodbye properly, that’s all.”

[Adam] “I can’t take the risk.”

Pavel resorts to begging.

But to no avail.

Adam stand him up.

[Pavel] “Just a bit disappointed. I was hoping to have a date with someone before I go, but it’s not happening.”

I can’t quite make up my mind whether Pavel is incredibly naive, purely driven by his groin or if Adam has been whispering sweet nothings off microphone.

Either which way, you’d have thought he’d got the message well before now.

Darrell takes up the floorboards

At Joyce and Arthurs.

After all the fuss about Matt forcing him to do it, it seemed to take him half a day.

What was all the fuss about?

Anyhoo, as Darrell gets an electric shock from Arthur’s drill (he won’t get his insurance to cover him for using a client’s equipment, you know …), Matt turns up.

Is that Paul as in THE Paul?

Darrell tells Matt that he has other work coming up. He’s off to work with a chap called Paul Morgan, who says that he also knows Matt.

Is that THE Paul? As in Matt’s half-brother Paul? Didn’t he have something to do with building?

Perfect timing if he wants to take things further with Lilian (than he did last time). She’s ever so angry with Matt at the moment.

This could be very interesting indeed.

What’s going on in Jim’s shed?

Jazzer is even wondering.

[Jazzer] “The whole shed was shaking, I thought there was a fight going on!”

[Jim] “Just had a little local difficulty.”

[Jazzer] “Sweating like a pig, whatever it is.”

[Jim] “Can’t a man occupy himself in his shed without attracting the interests of the whole village?”

Jazzer’s so intrigued that he even buys Jim half a pint later on.

But Jim’s not for telling.

He asks Pavel is he concurs that they have all “exhausted” the topic.

[Pavel, not a clue what they’re on about] “Erm, I think so?”

Jim appreciates Fallon’s talents

He’s very appreciative of Fallon’s efforts to get folks into The Bull.

Especially the forthcoming comedy night.

Nothing else attracting you, Jim???

Darrell has to buy a washing machine

On credit.

He and Elona’s has died, beyond repair.

Poor Darrell.

Hope that new job does work out and he doesn’t have to go back to Matt.

Matt can be ever so nasty when someone has to beg to him.

Jamie now knows how to wield a chainsaw: Tues 11.09.12

The Archers Tuesday 11th September 2012
  • Oliver can’t do milking for bread making
  • Why would David be sneaking into Lower Loxley be a good idea?
  • Jamie skips College for a Chainsaw course
  • Ed almost dropped his peanuts
  • Badgers love peanuts

Oliver can’t do milking for bread making

Seems Oliver called Ed while quite upset. Something was amiss in his kitchen …

[Ed] “He was standing over the oven waiting for his bread to come out!”

And now can’t do his afternoon milking shift.

Ed’s not best amused. Even though Mike’s happy to help out (seems he is avoiding having to go home).

[Ed] “It seems like it going to be pistols at dawn between him and Jim Lloyd”

[Mike] “That’ll be a sight worth seeing.”

[Ed] “It’s not like him though. He’s so dependable.”


The men of the village really are taking the bread competition very seriously indeed.

But for poor Ed, it’s a case of bread, bread everywhere, but not a slice to eat.

He and Emma are so cash-strapped that there was only one slice left for George to have with his beans. Ed got a right bollocking for eating it.

Why would David be sneaking into Lower Loxley be a good idea?

Ruth seems to think it would.

She and Josh were off to visit Freddie, with David a tad despondent that he couldn’t go. Because of Elizabeth.

While over at Lower Loxley, Ruth then has a word with Lewis to work out when Elizabeth will be out. She tells David, and suggests he pops by then.

[David] “Would it seem like I was going behind Elizabeth’s back?”


Though Ruth reckons no …

[Ruth] “It just makes it easier for you both, with things being a bit precarious for you still.”

Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

And a bit cowardly at that.

Jamie skips College for a Chainsaw course

Kathy is worried about Jamie.

He’s missing from College. Isn’t with Mike. And isn’t with Rosa.

When he turns up home, seems Kathy has found out that he’d been missing from College for two whole days.

[Kathy, furious] “Two days Jamie!!!”

But, unlike the last time Jamie went off the track chosen for him, he hasn’t been boozing, thieving or getting into trouble.

He was on an Advanced Chainsaw Course. Which he really (really) enjoyed.

[Jamie] “If you didn't follow the rules, then you’re stuffed, I didn’t mind that though cause I could see the reason for it.”

(blimey! Who would have thought it’d take a chainsaw to make Jamie see some sense)

Jamie even paid for the course out of the money he’d been saving for his driving lessons. For a kid in a rural area, that’s a big deal. First thing they generally do is get driving to get a bit of freedom.

But Kathy can’t see the good in it. She’s annoyed Jamie went behind her back:

[Kathy] “I'm not having you lie to me … You seem to think you can behave exactly as you please, you’re not 18 yet, I'm still the on supporting you, you should treat me with respect … you’re staying on at College alright, it’s what we agreed, and you know it’s for your own good.”

Jamie, reluctantly, agrees.

Which is a shame, as Kathy’s completely wrong this time.

Considering Jamie has never quite been enthralled by school or college, surely she should be encouraging him when he does find something he’s passionate about?

Ed almost dropped his peanuts

[Ed, sounding quite upset] “I just got my jacket caught in the branch, I almost dropped my peanuts!”

Actually, the peanuts weren’t for Ed.

They were for the badgers.

Badgers love peanuts

And they should love them enough to eventually get into Ed’s traps, so he can vaccinate them.

[David] “I don’t know, I never thought I’d see the day I’d be paying someone to put snacks out for badgers on my land. Anything else they fancy, flat screen TV to whole away the evening, couple of cans of beer?”

[Ed] “Just peanuts  is fine.”

[David] “They must think Christmas has come early.”

Seems Ed hasn’t caught any as yet though – but that’s part of the plan. They out the traps out, leave them for a few days (with peanuts) so the badgers get used to them – then they set them.

[Ed] “Now they’ve been lulled into a false sense of security … You should see them when you open the cage door after they’ve had their jab.”

Ed tells David about how the badgers nearly knocked one of the other chaps on the course nearly off his feet.

[David] “They can’t help causing trouble, can they, ever when you're trying to help them.”

[Ed] “You seen get used to their little ways .”

[David, not convinced] “Yeah well, you might.”

Later on, as Ruth is telling David that Ed is keeping clear of the house because of a narky Emma:

[David] “Anyway, he thinks he might strike luckily tonight.”

[Ruth] “With the badgers, you mean?”

[David] “Yeah, he’s got a one track mind!”

David still isn’t convinced they should be vaccinating the badgers. He’d far rather sort them out with his shotgun.

[David] “I just can’t look at them without remembering the misery they’ve caused us.”

The badgers better hope Ed gets to them before David does, once they’re in the traps.

A specialist job for a specialist carpenter: Mon 10.09.12

The Archers Monday 10th September 2012
  • Darrell’s got a new job, but …
  • When collusion isn’t collusion?
  • Vicky’s baby will be beautiful
  • Lilian really hates Matt right now …
  • Everyone wants Ian!
  • Jaxx can do blast freezing

Darrell’s got a new job, but …

Darrell’s (nearly, possibly) got a new job, at a Church. It’ll use his specialist carpentry skills (and also obviously get him away from Matt!).

Darrell’s already celebrating with cans of lager. Even before he’s been told he definitely has it.

Later on, he’s told he has got it.

Darrell is over the moon. Though it doesn’t last long.

While Darrell wants to quit Amside now:

[Darrell] “I thought it might be sensible to diversify.”

Elona’s worried about the bills.

[Elona] “And there is Rosa’s scooter as well.”

That bloomin’ scooter!

If Darrell can stand up to Matt, why can’t he stand up to his own family?

When collusion isn’t collusion?

When Lilian is only lending a hand …

She’s off to help Peggy with her Flower and Produce Show craft entry. Matt claims they’re cheating.

[Lilian, snapping his head off … metaphorically. Obviously] “It’s not collusion Matt, mum just asked me to pick up some materials she needed!”

Oh dear.

Lilian really (really) isn’t happy with Matt at the moment.

Just imagine how delighted when she hears that Darrell is leaving … and why!

Vicky’s baby will be beautiful

Vicky has been finding solace online. She’s found a lot of other people who are going through, and have been through, everything she (and Mike) are experiencing. She’s wondering how on earth anyone coped before the internet:

[Brenda] “I guess they just had to write letters and telephone people.”

[Vicky] “Now you feel like you’re plugged in right away”

Vicky tells Brenda about a post another mum had written about how there was lots of information for a couple having a Down’s Syndrome baby, no one told them how beautiful their baby was going to be …

[Vicky] “You stop thinking so much of what’s wrong, and you start getting excited again.”

She and Brenda coo over photos online of children with Down’s Syndrome.

Which was delightful to hear.

Thank goodness for Brenda!

Lilian really hates Matt right now …

Adam stumbles across Lilian, who is trying to look incredibly busy in a café.

[Adam] “Been doing your Greta Garbo act were you?”

Lilian just wasn’t in the mood to make an effort for anyone else.

But Aunty Lil doesn’t need to make an effort when it comes to her beloved nephew Adam.

Shame can be said for her (allegedly) beloved Matt.

She really does have a downer on him at the moment. Odd, when there’s be so many better times (when he’s behaved even worse) to turn the cold shoulder.

Everyone wants Ian!

Not just Pavel, it would seem.

The rest of the men in and near Ambridge also want Ian for his taste in bread.

(only in Ambridge!)

Jaxx can do blast freezing

Tom has managed to persuade Kirsty and Frank (Jaxx’s chef, one assumes) to do their ready meals for a “bit extra” money.

Tom’s also well chuffed that they can cook it, then blast freeze it as well.

[Tom, pulling himself up without prompting for once] “Sorry Bren. I’m rattling on again.”

(I wonder … is Brenda excited about the baby because it’s a baby, and her new sister or brother. Or, is she ready for one of her own …)

Brenda’s excited about her brother or sister: Sun 09.09.12

The Archers Sunday 9th September 2012
  • Jill’s not action packed enough for Freddie
  • Freda’s on the sausage casserole duty
  • At least Brenda sees the positive side
  • What’s Jim doing in his shed?
  • Did anyone remember Elizabeth and David still aren’t talking?
  • It’s all ready meals, ready meals, ready meals …

Jill’s not action packed enough for Freddie

Jill’s tending to the rather broken Freddie.

He’s not very amused.

She’s brought him a book, but he doesn’t believe it is “action-packed” enough to keep away his utter boredom. Freddie’s the sort of chap who needs to be up an at ‘em, not stuck in bed with a book.

Freda’s on the sausage casserole duty

For Tom’s ready meals.

Bless her.

It’s not as if she’s generally found to be willing to try something new (which is a shame for The Bull regulars).

At least Brenda sees the positive side

To Vicky and Mike’s baby.

Thank goodness someone else does!

[Brenda] “I’ve seen a totally different side to Vicky … I’ve hardly been her biggest fan in the past … but now, whatever she’s feeling on the inside, she just seems so strong and uncomplaining .. .she so wants dad to be okay with it.”

[Roy] “Well he’s not … he’d just got his head around the idea of having a baby, then wham, this hits him … totally panicked.”

Roy can only see a “terrible future” for Vicky and Mike. At the very least, he can’t see how Mike will ever cope.

[Roy] “He was going round in circles. Just can’t seem to see a way out.”

Both Roy and Brenda are worried about Mike getting depressed again (as he did after Betty died).

[Brenda] “I do feel excited too though. About having a little brother or sister. It could be a real blessing for them in the end.”

[Roy] “I can’t see dad ever thinking it a blessing … all he feels is terror. How’s he going to get over that?”

I suspect that when Mike holds his child, he might forget his worries.

What’s Jim doing in his shed?

Seems he’s “banging and bumping”, according to Ruth.

Something to do with the Flower and Produce Show’s ‘men only’ bread making?

Wonder what on earth he could be doing …

Did anyone remember Elizabeth and David still aren’t talking?

I’d clean forgotten about it.

Until today.

Jill mentioned to Ruth that Elizabeth had apologised, and admitted fault, to Shula for Freddie’s accident.

Jill was shocked. Ruth was shocked.

And Ruth mentioned that she needs to find a way for Elizabeth and David.

Though if that involves Elizabeth apologising or admitting fault, I wish Ruth well, but don’t rate her chances.

It’s all ready meals, ready meals, ready meals …

Goodness me, I’d also forgotten how dull Tom can be.

Ready meals is all the chap can think about (though he does apologise to Brenda for going on about it, rather than asking her how her dad and Vicky are getting on. So there is still a glimmer of hope).

Very odd, but both Tom and Brenda were surprised when Fallon insisted they get their own chef, if they want to use The Bull’s kitchen.

Silly Tom and Brenda.

They’re lucky Fallon also doesn’t demand a percentage. Tom and Brenda would if the ample kitchen was in the other premises!

Mike talks to Neil: Fri 07.09.12

The Archers Friday 7th September 2012
  • Matt gets cheeky
  • Who does Adam think he is?
  • Neil likes rubbing pigs’ ears
  • Susan’s desire to eat pig feed
  • “Until she found out she were one number short”
  • Tom hasn’t got a kitchen

Matt gets cheeky

[Matt] “I nearly sent a carrier pigeon but I was afraid you’d gone feral and might eat it!”

Poor Darrell. He can’t avoid Matt forever, so goes into the office to see him. Matt keeps him waiting. Not a great start …

[Darrell] “Matt, Danny’s waiting in the van!”

[Matt] “Well I hope you left a window open and a bowl of water … he’ll cope, he’s good at sitting on his backside doing nothing.”

Matt wants to know what Darrell’s been up to at Arthur and Joyce’s. He’s none too happy that Darrell hasn’t ripped up all of the floorboards yet. Darrell almost (almost) says an outright ‘no’ to Matt.

[Darrell] “You’re not that kind of landlord are you matt. You wouldn’t want to hurt them, would you?”


Good on you Darrell, turning Matt’s claims to Lilian round on him.

Who does Adam think he is?

Adam demands Pavel into the office.

He sounded like Lord of the Manor.

A Lord that’s been caught with the footman …

… or actually, the Lord who has to deal with a footman who he’s been dallying with, and who has now tried to dally with his … erm … wedded Lord. (well, Ian ain't no lady!)

[Adam] “You tried to get off with him!”

[Pavel] “You need to do what little Ruairi says. Chill.”

Pavel is entirely unrepentant at coming on to Ian. He reckons they have chemistry, so why not.

[Pavel] “Well, now you don’t like me, maybe he wants to make a mistake too …”

Pavel tells Adam that Ian was actually interested in him. That he enjoyed their kiss. That Ian has said it was “nice”.

What a liar! He didn’t even manage to engage with Ian lips, let alone have Ian tell him anything other than ‘get out’!

[Pavel] “You don’t like me anymore. Why mustn’t I try elsewhere?”

Neil likes rubbing pigs’ ears

And I’m sure the pigs like it too.

Susan’s desire to eat pig feed

 [Neil] “You know what I was just thinking?”

[Mike] “Pigs are awkward animals?”

[Neil] “The way she was hovering up the feed …”

Neil’s remembering a time when Susan was pregnant, and she was helping to feed the pigs.

[Neil] “I caught her staring at the pig nuts like she wanted to eat one.”

Seems it was Susan’s cravings time. Which sets Neil wondering about Vicky:

[Neil] “No funny little cravings?”

[Mike] “No, we ain’t been laughing that much actually.”

And at last, Mike talks about how he feels …

“Until she found out she were one number short”

(Mike’s blunt way of outing it, but I suppose he’s got every right)

[Mike] “everything’s got worse, like a big black cloud has come down on us, and I can’t see a way through … she thought she’d never have the chance to be a mother, this was like winning the lottery. Until we found she were one number short.”

Mike wonders aloud to Neil if it’d be better than they didn’t have the baby.

[Neil] “Is that what you want?”

[Mike] “I don’t know. But I feel so bad about it.”

[Neil] “If you feel so bad about it, maybe it’s not the right thing to do.”

Fair point Neil. But with Vicky determined to not consider any option other than having their baby, what choice does that leave Mike?

Well, none. None at all. Apart from leaving Vicky …

[Mike] “What’s worse Neil. Hoping through all that pain now, or saving it up, maybe a lost worse, for the future?”

Neil reckons no-one else than Mike and Vicky can decide on that.

But they need to know:

[Neil] “You’ve got your children. All of your friends. You do know you’re not facing this alone, don’t you?”

Mike gave  big sigh.

He did know that, but so desperately needed to hear it.

Thank goodness he’s finally talked to someone out of the family, who can look it at it from his point of view.

What he’ll do next, only Mike knows.

Tom hasn’t got a kitchen

Tom’s back on about his ready meals.

He reckons he needs 80 to 100 meals for a sampling, but he hasn’t got a kitchen large enough to cook them.

[Tom] “Yet another disadvantage of renting.”

Seems he and Brenda’s plan has always been to build their own house. In which, Tom plans to have a huge kitchen.

Actually, Brenda didn’t sound so keen …

… that’s another clue, I reckon.

What is going to happen about Tom and Brenda?

Their engagement is never to be?

Pavel tries it on with Ian: Thurs 06.09.12

The Archers Thursday 6th September 2012
  • You can lead a cow to milk …
  • With age comes a better attitude to livestock
  • Lynda’s on about TPOs
  • Lynda puts her mouth in it
  • Pavel tries to seduce Ian
  • Adam’s found to something to like about the Super Dairy

You can lead a cow to milk …

… but it takes two farmers to make it drink.

David’s got a new cow, only born two days ago, who isn’t able to help itself to the milk bar. She doesn’t seem to understand what to do, and the other cows keep barging her out of the way.

[Adam] “She doesn’t look very assertive … do you want me to act as bouncer? … You may need to draw a diagram.”

But all’s well.

She takes to it fine in the end.

With age comes a better attitude to livestock

So reckons Lynda.

(she’s talking about Scruff)

Lynda’s on about TPOs

She’s worried about an Oak at end of Manorfield Close. Something about it being crowned and whether it has a Tree Preservation Order.

So, she goes to ask Mike.

He’s the Tree Warden.

He tells her that’s all’s well, as that tree doesn’t have a TPO.

Then Lynda puts her mouth in it …

Lynda puts her mouth in it

[Lynda] “I know the pair of you are facing some extra challenges now, but together, you and Vicky will be more than a match for them.”


Lynda isn’t supposed to know. Vicky isn’t supposed to have told anyone out of the family.

Mike holds his tongue with Lynda, but gives Vicky both barrels later on.

[Mike] “A juicy piece of gossip like that. She’ll love spreading it round!”

Vicky reckons Lynda is a true friend, so wouldn’t dare gossip.

I concur with Vicky. Lynda may have her faults, but a lack of loyalty isn’t one of them.

But, of course, it isn’t really Lynda that Mike is furious about. It’s the whole situation they (and their baby) find themselves in.

[Vicky] “I don’t know what you’re saying Mike because you’re not talking.”

[Mike] “I’m not talking because you're not listening. You won’t listen to me. You’ve already made your mind up.”

[Vicky] “I have no choice.”

Mike storms off …


Mike’s right that he really doesn’t have a say. Vicky’s the only one who can make their mind up.

But how is Vicky supposed to cope, let alone explain her feelings, when Mike just shouts and leaves?

Pavel tries to seduce Ian

Pavel calls round at Ian and Adam’s. He wants to see Adam, but he’s out. He tells Ian that he’s bored, bored, bored.

[Pavel] “I’m going  out of my mind, with boredom, there’s nothing to do. I need to get away from the caravans.”

So Ian invites him in for dinner and wine while they wait for Adam to get back from work.

Ian’s also rudely interrupted by phone calls from Neville Booth, Oliver Sterling (and the like) wanting to know more about hot to make the perfect bread (for the Flower and Produce Show).

Pavel asks Ian to sit right next to him, so that he can hear him better. Ian, oblivious, does so:

[Pavel] “Maybe they aren’t interested in the bread. Maybe it’s you … I like guys who make things. It’s sexy …”

(Pavel tries to kiss Ian)

[Ian] “That’s out of line!”

[Pavel] “For fun!”

Ian does not agree, and sends Pavel packing (after he’s allowed to finish his wine. Ian still has his manners).

And Ian being Ian, he tells Adam what happened when Adam gets back in. By that time, Ian can see the funny side of it.

[Ian] “He’s got all the patter … before you know it, bang, hand on the thigh and in for the big kiss!”

[Adam] “You’re not serious … it wasn’t a joke?”

Ian plays it down. And takes the Michael out of Adam for suggesting that Pavel couldn’t find him (Ian) attractive).

[Adam] “All the same. It shouldn’t have happened.”

[Ian] “Hey, you don’t think for one second I was tempted? … of course I wasn’t. Why would I want a quick fumble with a silly kid like Pavel, not when I’ve got you Adam?”

Ah, that must have been a sting to Adam’s guilty conscience.

If only he was half the man that Ian was … he’d have told Ian about the one night stand with Pavel, and dealt with the consequences head on.

Instead, he’s got to continue lying, and now has the worry that Pavel will keep using his special charms to get Ian into bed.

But Adam doesn’t need to worry.

As I said, Ian’s twice the man Adam is.

Adam’s found to something to like about the Super Dairy
Well, I don’t suppose we can blame him. He’d need to have at least one thing to stay positive and sane about.

David was mentioning he’d seen lorries arriving at Valley Farm (the one with the swifts, whom one assumes will not be as welcome back next year). Adam tells him their getting the start of the foundations down, and also the anaerobic digester.

Adam’s a fan of the ‘AD Unit’. Seems it’ll produce enough power foe the whole dairy, the workers’ accommodation and also to sell back to the grid.

He also thinks Brian should have covered the Super Dairy in solar panels to generate even more power.

[Adam] “The more you control your energy. The less you get mucked about.”

Hmmm … is that more about Adam Vs Brian than Adam saving the planet or their business money?

Lance and Kenton are alive: Thurs 06.09.12

(and that’s another ‘season’ of Ambridge Extra done and dusted, folks)

Ambridge Extra Thursday 6th September 2012

  • “You bloody idiot”
  • Lance is a proper nutter
  • Jolene loves Kenton again
  • Poor Meriel …
  • “Ambridge is calling”

“You bloody idiot”

Is what Jolene says to Kenton when he pulls himself, and Lance, back onto the boat.

It really wasn’t that dramatic. We first heard Mel shouting at Jolene to keep calm, then Mel shouting at Meriel to keep her eye on something, then Mel shouting at Jolene to handle something else (the main sheet?) … all so that she could about tack (turn the boar around, one assumes) to pick up Kenton and Lance.

Lance was then flown out to hospital, but Kenton reckoned he was fine:

[Kenton] “Just had a little swim, that’s all.”

[Mel] “You could have been killed. What were you thinking?!!”

Lance is a proper nutter

When they get back to land, the Police call round to see if Kenton and co. can tell them anything more about Lance. Seems he’s wanted back in Australia for trying to steal a yacht, assault, affray and such.

The Police are rather inept, as when Lance is discharged from hospital, he isn’t arrested and sent back to Australia. He manages to walk out, and turn up to say his goodbyes to Kenton and co.

Well, he really just wants to drive Kenton to a bank so that he can get “his” money.

So Kenton sends the womenfolk away to get beer and sandwiches from the kitchen while he keeps Lance talking.

Course, they’ve called the Police, who turn up to arrest and take Lance away … while he swears that he’ll get Kenton back.

Oooh … what a villain!

Jolene loves Kenton again

With the bad guy banged up in prison, Kenton and Jolene clear the air before they head home.

[Kenton] “I’m  sorry about what went on, and for not being honest about it.”

[Jolene] “No, I don’t care how you were in the past, yesterday p[roved what sort of man you are … if it had been me, I’d have let Lance take his chances … what you did was so brave and honourable … (what happened in the past), I reckon that was a different man. Not my Kenton.”

Poor Meriel …

Mel and Kenton also clear the air.

Seems Mel let Kenton think it was him that made her have an abortion because she felt so guilty about cheating on him, and getting pregnant by Lance.


And, she then made sure she got pregnant with Kenton to “redeem” herself. She wanted to have a baby she didn’t have to lie about.


That’s very unsound and strange reasoning.

And it means Meriel is just an apology.

Let’s hope she never finds out.

“Ambridge is calling”

So says Jolene.

And that’s that.

Was this ‘season’ of Ambridge Extra worth all the expense of flying those secret microphones over to Australia?

Yes and no.

It was good to hear more of Kenton’s non-Ambridge-past-life, but not sure we needed to meet Lance …