Friday, 30 November 2012

Matt makes a promise: Fri 30.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 30th November 2012
  • Mike’s concerned for Mike
  • Matt wants to talk
  • The Grundys plan to sell their turkeys
  • Eddie defends Ed

Mike’s concerned for Mike

Mike’s heard about Ed’s financial problems.

Mike tells him he’ll do everything to help. But Ed does slightly blame milk for the cut in the prices he’s getting for his milk. Mike squarely blames his customers and supermarkets.

[Mike] “We’ll come through it, I'm sure, but I do need to know your business is sound.”

[Ed] “It is sound.”

Harsh of Mike – but he has got a baby on the way.

Matt wants to talk

So he suggests he and Lilian go to the new place at Websterbridge.

[Lilian] “I don’t think so Matt.”

[Matt] “I’m aware things aren’t; right. We need to have a proper talk. To see if we can clear the air a bit.”

[Lilian] “I don’t see the point.”

[Matt] “The point is you're not happy … and that really troubles me … we used to be such a  great team, if the wheels are coming off I want to fix them.”

[Lilian] “Maybe they can’t be fixed.”

[Matt] “Oh don’t say that puss … all those plans, we can’t just let them go.”

He manages to persuade Lilian to go to lunch.

Matt then tries to persuade Lilian that though while he realises he can be “impetuous” (ha!), he wants to make everything better. He promises he’ll change, slow down and take the time to explain.

[Lilian] “Where so I fit in to this grand vision of yours?”

[Matt] “You're in the centre of it, always have been.”

[Lilian] “It doesn’t always feel like that.”

But Matt won’t be deterred. With his “go-get” and Lilian’s “sensitivity”, they can make a real difference. He didn’t quite clarify whether that difference was to them, or to others.

And let us not forget that all of this is using Lilian’s, not Matt’s, money.

[Lilian] “Matt, I’ve heard all this before. Done this, got the t-shirt.”

[Matt] “I told you puss, I’m twice the man when I’m working with you.”

[Lilian] “I’d like to believe that, I really would … but I don’t know if I can trust you anymore.”

[Matt] “Well, you can. I promise you. You can.”

Aye, we’re all heard that before.

And I doubt Lilian will fall for it.

She’s got Paul now.

The Grundys plan to sell their turkeys

Lynda was right.

The Grundys have spotted that the Community orchard event could be the perfect place to sell their turkeys.

They ask Mike if he’ll tell folks as they come in, but Mike says he can’t be selling stuff.

[Joe] “Ain't commercial, it’s a public service, our turkeys.”

Eddie defends Ed

Joe’s entirely in favour of Ed and Emma moving out of Rickyard.

[Joe] “Good thing too, paying out all that rent to the Archers.”

Joe then gets very grumpy when Mike suggests that Ed’s business isn’t doing well.

[Eddie] “You've got nothing to worry about, so if you hear anyone saying anything different, you can put them right, can’t you.”

Joe and Eddie then go round to cheer up Ed.

[Eddie] “To make sure you’re okay, and to say, well, we’ve very proud of you … I know you didn’t want to move … and I still want to tell you, you're doing a great job.”

As far as Eddie sees it, at least Ed is trying.

And Eddie should know. He grew up on Grange Farm. He lost Grange Farm.

[Eddie] “And I’d know if something was going wrong. And it isn’t … this farm is in as good as a shape as I ever seen it. And that’s up to you  … I was stupid and lazy, that’s why we lost it. I don’t see it in you, you’re working hard, and you’re committed to the farm and your family. And that’s why we’re proud of you Eddie.”

Jazzer hears about Fallon and Rhys: Thurs 29.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 29th November 2012
  • The Brilliant Ideas meeting
  • The Odd Couple, part deux
  • Rhys better watch out for Jazzer

The Brilliant Ideas meeting

Is Lewis’ way of getting more ideas from lower Loxley, by involving all of the staff. They can “drift in and out” as work allows.

Bert’s idea is TV. He reckons that as “life in big country houses is popular” , they should take advantage and get Lower Loxley on there too.

Imagine that … it’d be car crash viewing if Elizabeth was ‘on one’.

Hayley’s idea is a Lower Loxley passport. So, folks buy a passport each year, and have an “ongoing connection” with Lower Loxley.

[Lewis] “Stakeholders, is that what they call it these days.”

With a passport, the ‘stakeholders’ will get into Lower Loxley for free, s will come back more often. And spend their money more often in the tea room and shop.

[Lewis] “I think it sound very positive … building up long term relationships with people.”

[Hayley] “Becoming friends.”

That’s a lovely way to put trying to get more money out of the same people …

Bert has a second brainwave. Following on from his theme of big houses now being popular, he thinks they should research the lives of people who have lived both up and downstairs at Lower Loxley, then make an exhibition out of it.

So, nothing earth shattering, but at least they’re all thinking and involved.

And they all have jobs.

The Odd Couple, part deux

It used to be Jazzer and Harry – but Jim and Jazzer are Ambridge’s new odd couple.

They really do seem to be enjoying each other’s company.

Jim’s struggling for a new subject to interview for his Borchester Life article.

Jazzer reckons … Jazzer!

[Jazzer] “One of these days I’m going to be picked up by the style mags.”

[Jim] “Jazzer, I do wish you wear your overalls back home.”

[Jazzer] “Bit pungent are they?”

[Jim] “Just a touch”

Ignoring Jazzer’s suggestion, Jim is looking up other potentially ‘interesting’ Borchester residents.

He’s found one who is an ex-Brigadier, who also travelled in the Far East.

[Jazzer] “Beyond Felpersham, you mean?”

The chap also collects stuff.

[Jazzer] “Anybody with any sort of collection … the guy’s bound to be boring.”

So who to interview?

[Jazzer] “Shall I tell you the answer to most of life’s intractable problems … head for the nearest bar. There’s something about having a glass in your hand that frees up the creative juices.”

When they’re sat with glass in hand, Jazzer asks Jim to interview Tom.

[Jazzer] “It wouldnae half improve my life if you could dae the piece on Tom Archer … it doesnae stop him lobbying me!”

Bert comes in, and reckons he’d be perfect.

[Bert] “I get a bit about these days … I’ve had some of my poems published in Evesham.”

Bert also suggests Ifty. He’s a teacher, mathematician. Sportsman. And isn’t from Ambridge.

[Jim] “An  also suggests aesthete to boot!”

[Bert] “You what?”

So, it would seem Ifty it is.

Rhys better watch out for Jazzer

Bert, with his usual tact, mentions Rhys and Fallon to Jazzer.

[Bert] “Must have come as quite a blow, eh Jazzer?”

Jazzer reckons he’s fine about it.

[Hayley] “You don’t look it. Staring miserably into your drink.”

[Jazzer] “It’s just Fallon wae Rhys, you know …”

[Hayley] “You’re mates. You're one of the good guys.”

[Jazzer] “He better treat her right, that’s all. Or he’ll be answering to me.”

Lilian has adult relations with Paul: Wed 28.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 28th November 2012
  • Mike and Vicky gets the giggles
  • Matt makes toast!
  • Lilian and Paul get intimate
  • Matt cooks a chicken!

Mike and Vicky gets the giggles

Mike’s getting quite enthusiastic about going to the antenatal classes with Vicky. Though:

[Mike] “I’ll be quite happy not to watch another film on childbirth.”

Aye, well, we all have our limits.

It’s breathing techniques at today’s class.

[Mike] “Ooh, a bit of heavy breathing!”

And though Mike is the oldest dad (by far) in the room, Vicky doesn’t care a jot. He’s the best hubby, and will be the best dad.

While they do their exercises, Vicky can’t help giggling. Which makes Mike giggle.

[Vicky] “Oh come on, give us a kiss. At least we can still get that right!”

I, for one, am really enjoying Mike and Vicky being so openly delighted about their baby.


Matt makes toast!

Goodness me!

And the double whammy shocker is that he offers to make it for James, to stop him having to try and do it himself, while on crutches.

Too little, too late?


Lilian’s off to Birmingham to do ‘Christmas shopping’ …

Lilian and Paul get intimate

Matt may have an inkling that he’s not exactly Lilian’s favourite person at the moment, but it takes James to spell it out.

[James] “You don’t need to be Sherlock Holms that she’s been a  tad frosty to you lately.”


Lilian’s trip to Birmingham is to see Paul, not to do Christmas shopping.
She first has a moan about Matt:

[Lilian] “He’s like a force of nature. Sometimes I wonder if I mean anything at all to him.; Nothing I say seems to register. Now this business with our tenants …”

Paul reckons he’s never do such a terrible thing to Lilian, or to any tenants.

[Paul] “You and me together. Now that would be a team.”

[Lilian] “I think we’d have fun .”

[Paul] “I’m sure we would.”

[Lilian] “I feel better, just having you to listen to me … let’s not think about Matt anymore. Let’s enjoying just being here, together … Paul. Let’s go up to your room.”

[Paul] “Are you sure?”

[Lilian] “Yeah. Yeah I am. Very sure.”


At least the BBC had the decency to turn off the secret microphones while Lilian and Paul got to know each other a tad better …

After their first bout of … *ahem* … activity.

[Lilian] “Oh Paul, that was wonderful. I don’t want this ever to end .. tell me, I’ll see you again soon. Very soon, and for longer.”

She stays for half an hour longer.

Then heads home.

To Matt.

Matt cooks a chicken!

[Matt] “What do I do, stick a fork in?”

[Lilian] “What on earth’s going on here?”

[Matt] “I’m cooking dinner.”

Wonders upon wonder.

Lilian sounds decidedly dodgy when Matt asks her about Birmingham. She tells him she only bought shoes. And she …erm … has left them in the car.

[Lilian] “Well, there was only the one thing I really wanted.”

(oh ho!)

As well as cooking dinner, Matt also has claret ready, AND has laid the table.

[Lilian] “I still think I must be in the wrong house.”

[Matt] “I want to apologise to you puss … I can see I was wrong not to keep you informed about the Walters.”

[Lilian] “All you had to do was to talk to me.”

[Matt] “I know that puss. And in future I will. Things are going to be different now. We’re going to be a team again. Will we drink to that. To the future. To the team.”

[Lilian] “Oh Matt, I really don’t know where I am with you anymore.”

Again - too little too late from Matt? And too late for Lilian to give up her Paul?

Wiggo doesn’t win in #TheArchers: Tues 27.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 27th November 2012
  • Wiggo!
  • I still don’t understand why Josh is doing the chickens
  • David use to demand 50% extra
  • George would prefer a truck
  • Eddie didn’t know
  • Jamie’s knackered from work
  • Cashflow, cashflow, cashflow


Wiggo in Ambridge is not a cyclist. Wiggo is a cow.

David and Ruth are showing Wiggo at a livestock show, and have high hopes.

But, first things first. They need to out the steer on Wiggo. Which they are struggling to do.

[David] “That was josh. The Magic Milkman … they got to know each other.”

Maybe Josh should have had the day off school.

Wiggo didn’t win, but came second. So, David got a great price for Wiggo at auction.

And David’s glad to see that there are more rare breeds being shown this year.

[Ruth] “It must mean more people are interested in proper tasting meat at last.”

I still don’t understand why Josh is doing the chickens

He’s doing a grand job, according to Neil, but why didn’t he give the job to Emma?

Every penny counts.

David use to demand 50% extra

Wages, from Phil, for doing the morning milking.


George would prefer a truck

Susan was eyeing up a tablet computer.

[Susan] “Do you think George would like it?”

[Emma] “I think I’ll get him that pickup truck. He loves anything with big wheels.”

Susan doesn’t really listen.

She just gets George the tablet anyway.

Which shows the madness of Christmas – Ed and Emma have to move in with her and Neil due to be so skint, yet she still splashes out.


Eddie didn’t know

Ed’s seemingly still worried about everyone thinking him a failure for not making the farm pay. Susan reckons not so. Ed started it up with nothing.

[Emma] “All he sees is the bills pilling up.”

[Susan] “It’ll sort itself out, I’m sure … and staying with us ill speed it up a bit … Try not to worry. I’m sure it’s all going to work out.”

At the livestock show, David and Ruth bump into Eddie. David tells him that he’ll be sorry to lose his neighbours.

Eddie has no ken. He has no idea what David’s talking about.


No one has thought to tell Eddie (and the very absent Clarrie) that Ed and Emma are moving.

Course, Eddie goes round to see Ed. Only Emma is in.

[Eddie] “Now look, what’s this I hear about you not be able to afford your rent?”

Eddie’s offended, and reckons he and Clarrie could have helped.

Which I;m sure they could have done, but surely not with money?

[Emma] “Ed didn’t want you to know, He didn’t want anyone to know.”

[Eddie] “Well you tell him, we’re here for him okay?”

Jamie’s knackered from work

According to Kathy.

Jamie’s loving his work, and is in awe of his boss who has the habit of:

[Kathy] “Dangling on ropes thirty foot in the air with a  chainsaw.”


Working hard all day has taken exhausted Jamie. He even fell asleep in front of his computer.

So, that was all Jamie needed to stay out of trouble and take his mind off of Natalie.

Honest, hard, labour.

Cashflow, cashflow, cashflow

[David] “Ed’s scale of operation, there can’t be any cash in the system.”

He and Ruth are feeling sheepish that they hadn’t spotted Ed’s problems, and also now can’t do more for them.

Though they will now lose money with Rickyard not being rented (though they will advertise it), they let Ed and Emma leave without a month’s notice.

Ed agrees to move: Mon 26.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 26th November
  • Shire Brewery at Lower Loxley
  • Freddie’s trying to guess everyone’s weight
  • Santa’s grotto
  • Lilian makes lunch for Joyce
  • Ed and Emma give notice
  • Lilian needs Paul

Shire Brewery at Lower Loxley

And so it begins.

Out of necessity, Roy and Elizabeth are commercialising more of Lower Loxley. Including selling sponsorship and creating partnerships with local businesses.

Seems Shires Brewery are very interested. Some chap called Steve Pritchard will be coming along from the Brewery.

Freddie’s trying to guess everyone’s weight

Seems Ifty’s maths tutorship has inspired him.

[Elizabeth] “He’s enjoying it. It’s bound to change his attitude to maths.”

Santa’s grotto

Roy’s off to check it.


Christmas is a-coming!!!

Lilian makes lunch for Joyce

Lilian visits Joyce. She’s a tad annoyed that Matt has been there and didn’t mention it to her (again). Joyce knew about James’ accident.

Joyce was about to sit down to bread and cheese for lunch, but Lilian insists she get the ingredients and make them a light lunch.

Since Arthur died, Joyce has been very lonely in their old house. She wants to move.

[Joyce] “Life goes on, doesn’t it?”

Lilian makes her promise to tell her if she ever needs helps with anything.

Joyce thanks her, but we all know it’s far too little, too late.

Matt good as killed her husband.

Ed and Emma give notice

They talk to David to tell them they’re leaving Rickyard.

David’s stunned. Though he knew they were having some financial issues, he didn’t know it was as bad as this.

[Emma] “All we can say is we’re very sorry.”

David offers to cut their rent for a few months, but Emma politely declines. That would only scratch their money worries. David accepts defeat.

[David] “It’s going to be so strange not having you across the yard.”

[Ed] “We’re going to come through this. And We’ll be stronger,. As a family.”

Lilian needs Paul

After seeing Joyce, Lilian is understandably upset.

So, she calls Paul. He doesn’t answer, but she begs him to call back.

[Lilian] “Please. Soon.”

Susan’s want Ed and Emma to move in: Sun 25.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 25th November 2012
  • Susan’s final solution
  • Jolene’s surprised by Rhys and Fallon
  • Wassailing with guns
  • Ed says no

Susan’s final solution

Is for Ed and Emma to move in with her and Neil. That’d save the, a stack of money, giving them room to breathe.

Emma concurs, but thinks Ed won’t agree.

[Emma] “The thought of not having to find the rent every month would make such a difference …You know what he’s like mum, we can’t ask for help … He thinks all the situation is his fault.”

[Susan] “That’s just life. It isn’t anyone’s fault.”

[Emma] “But if we moved in with you it’d be like telling the while village we couldn’t cope.”

Emma points out the Susan and Neil didn’t exactly enjoy Tracey and her kids living with them. But Susan reckons that’s different. As for Ed:

[Susan] “You need to sit down with him quietly and talk it through. It’s not charity … it’s what families do.”

And anyhoo – how would Ed and Emma afford Christmas, let alone the business and their household bills?

Jolene’s surprised by Rhys and Fallon


[Jolene] “You and Rhys, who would have thought it!?!”

(erm … everyone)

Jolene’s delighted for Fallon, and tells her to have ‘fun’.

[Fallon] “We are doing, don’t you worry.”

(mothers and daughters really shouldn’t discuss their sex life, in my humble opinion)

Seems everyone knows about Rhys and Fallon. Susan saw Fallon leave Rhys’. Which means everyone else knows.

[Fallon] “Oh my god, I might as well put my diary up on the village website!”

Wassailing with guns

Is Jazzer’s idea for the Community orchard event.

He reckons they should hang targets in amongst the trees, then “blast” them with guns. Seems they do that in other cider orchards to drive away bad spirits and to guarantee a good crop.

Ed says no

[Ed] “I’m sorry, but it’s not going to happen.”

[Emma] “You're quite happy to go on like this, not knowing if we can feed the kids? … Tell me honestly why are you so against it.”

[Ed] “Because I care about this family. I want us to stay together.”

Emma reassures him they will stay together – just in someone else’s house. But Ed’s remembering when they had to stay in that caravan, with Emma eventually leaving him.

It also has a lot to do with his pride …

Even Neil thinks it’s a good idea. He and Susan have the room, Ed and Emma can’t afford their own house. It’s an obvious solution.

[Susan] “Let’s give the poor lad some space. He’s only just had this thrown at him.”

[Neil] “Well, that’s a pity … do you think it would help if I popped round and had a word with him … just to say we’re not doing this because we have to.”
Susan reckons not to do so – Ed ‘s pride couldn’t suffer such a chat.

[Ed] “Em, do you think that I want our kids to have a miserable Christmas?”

[Emma] “They don’t have to be.”

Ed’s going to ponder the matter.

He’d better be quick.

Every penny counts.

Ruth is inseminating cows again is: Fri 23.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 23rd November 2012
  • Elizabeth not concerned it’s a listed building
  • Ruth finally lets Emma do the skirting boards
  • Ruth’s bothering those cows again
  • Hayley’s keeping her job
  • Tom wants a Borchester Life article

Elizabeth not concerned it’s a listed building

Elizabeth’s cracking on with converting the dairy block into wedding accommodation.

Though, quite bizarrely, she doesn’t seem at all perturbed that it’s a listed building. Even though they’ll need to put new windows and bathrooms in for each room.

[Elizabeth] “Our clients wouldn’t accept shared facilities.”

(well, I don’t think anyone would be very happy with shared facilities)

Lewis also seems to be very positive:

[Lewis] “No archaeological issues and as far as I can tell, no bats.”

Elizabeth would like Lewis to run the development, but he reckons they will need someone who’s a bit closer to the conservation officer. He suggests some chap called Julian Hobson.

(none of this makes for thrilling eavesdropping, but I’m sure something will liven it up soon enough!)

Ruth finally lets Emma do the skirting boards

After the £4000 bombshell yesterday, Emma’s back to begging Ruth for extra work.

She tries to get extra hours defrosting the fridge, but Ruth reckons that would only take half an hour.

But Ruth does agree Emma can have a go at the skirting boards.

[Ruth] “It’ll have to be a one off mind. I’m sorry.”

Later on, Susan spots that Emma is worrying. Again.

[Emma] “There’s always something, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

Ruth’s bothering those cows again

[Ruth] “I want to AI them before Eddie does the milking.”

That woman is insatiable.

[Ruth] “I’ve inseminated those two. They’ll be the first to calve in the Autumn block.”

As they’ll have hundreds of calves being born at the same time, Ruth reckons it’ll be full on. They’ll need a lot of help.

[David] “We won’t know whether it’s raining or Thursday.”

Hayley’s keeping her job

Though it was Roy who had to have a chat with Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth] “Hayley’s got a lot of valuable skills, I wouldn’t want to lose her … I’ll go and tell her myself.”

Tom wants a Borchester Life article

Done about him.

Now there’s a surprise.

It gets worse for Ed: Thurs 22.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 22nd November 2012
  • Fallon and Rhys wake up together
  • The milking bail is broken
  • Oliver’s reaction to hearing himself
  • Emma’s got pies in

Fallon and Rhys wake up together

[Rhys] “So it wasn’t a dream then.”

[Fallon] “As long as it wasn’t a nightmare …  Not that we seemed to get much sleep … Who would have thought this was going to happen.”

[Rhys] “Caught me by surprise.”

(Really? We’ve all been waiting for this to happen for months!)

[Fallon] “Did you change your bed sheets?”

[Rhys] “Did you shave your legs?”


They’re actually moving at a fair pace. Rhys even suggests Fallon gets a toothbrush to keep at his.

[Rhys] “I mean, if we’re going to make a habit of this, it’ll be handy.”

[Fallon] “If that’s the way you feel, why did you wait until now?”

Rhys tells Fallon that he’s always been attracted to her, but he couldn’t make his move while she was his boss. Seems he had a rather nasty experience with someone else he worked with, whom he now calls  “Cindy the Psycho”.

[Rhys] “I was lucky to escape with my well, let’s say last night wouldn’t have been half the fun!”


The milking bail is broken

I have no idea what a milking bail is or does, but it’s really important for Ed’s dairy. But the pump is broken.

So, Ed’s having to milk by hand. Oliver helps him.

Once Ed’s had someone round to look at the milk bailer, seems the pump has given out. And the motor is burnt. Which will cost £2500 to fix.

Worse still, seems Ed also needs to upgrade the electrical supply. Ed's not been keeping up his services.

Just what Ed hasn’t got. Yet more money.

[Oliver] “Chin up Ed!”

Now here’s a thought – Oliver has money, Ed doesn’t.

Surely Oliver would rather help fund Ed’s business (at Oliver’s farm) than see yet another Grundy go out of business at Grange Farm.

Oliver’s reaction to hearing himself

[Oliver] “Oh Lord! … oh good grief!”

Sounds like Oliver isn’t very good at his sonnets yet.

So, Oliver being Oliver, he blames his tools and dumps his tape recorder.

(tape recorder! I haven’t even seen one of those for 10 or so years. How sweet of Olive to still have one, and use it)

[Oliver] “It makes me sound like a complete buffoon!”

Emma’s got pies in

So Ed gets two pies rather than bread and cheese. Not that there was often any bread left for him …

Ed’s a bit distracted, but doesn’t tell Emma that their money problems just got worse. He doesn’t tell her.

But, later on, Emma finds Ed crying.

He tells her that he now needs to find £4000 for the business.

[Ed] “I didn’t have a choice Em. The cows have got to be milked … Whatever made me think I could be a farmer. I’m a failure. What sort of man can’t support his family.”

Ed’s sobbing even harder now. Emma reckons will sort it out somehow …


Rhys and Fallon have adult relations: Wed 21.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 21st November 2012
  • Rhys and Fallon’s first date
  • Rhys patronises Lynda
  • Another disaster for Ed
  • Caroline has to choose antiquarian books over tree dressing
  • Lynda entices Jim into the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza

Rhys and Fallon’s first date

As Rhys leaves his shift at The Bull, he bumps into Fallon coming back from Jaxx, ready to make herself pretty ahead of their date.

[Rhys] “I don’t know why.”

[Fallon, sounding hurt] “Oh …”

[Rhys] “You’re stunning as you are.”


They first go to the pictures, where Rhys offers to buy Fallon a hot dog. Fallon reckons not, as she’s already eaten, but she does go for some nachos (!).

[Rhys] “My body is a temple but it is sublet to a gang of students!”

The moving is a bad ‘un, but at least they both agree about that. So, they go for a drink.

When they get back to Ambridge later on:

[Rhys] “To the door service. That’ll be £12 please!”

[Fallon] “Best nice out since, well, the last time we went out.”

And, at last, the tip toeing is over:

[Rhys] “Oh for god sake …”

He kisses her. She kisses him back.

[Rhys] “Fallon, do you um, want to come back to mine?”

[Fallon] “Yes. Yes I do. Very much.”

Oh ho!

That’s fast moving after such a slow, slow, slow start.

Rhys patronises Lynda

(without her even knowing)

Seems that when Lynda corners Rhys, his tactic is to:

[Rhys] “Just keep nodding and smiling. It’s what I do.”

Another disaster for Ed

As Ed takes the cluster off of the previously poorly cow, everything falls silent in the diary.

Which isn’t good.

Dairies are supposed to have machinery type noises.

Later on, when Oliver calls round, seems the machinery has been back on. Then off again.

Very unwillingly, Ed reckons he’ll have to call someone out to have a look.

[Oliver] “I don’t think you’ve got much choice Ed.”

Oh dear. This sounds expensive.

Caroline has to choose antiquarian books over tree dressing

Rather than be able to make the Community Orchard meeting, the highlight of which is the tress dressing, Caroline has to stay at Grey Gables for the Borchester Antiquarian Book Society meeting.

That’s a real Sophie’s choice …

Maybe Caroline should have been there. Oliver decided to pay for the Community Orchard event out of his own pocket.

Lynda is delighted with the event:

[Lynda] “I am pleased to see these ancient customs being preserved.”


[Lynda] “ I do hope you want let the Grundys hijack the even with marketing of their turkeys!”

Ah well. Even if they do, we all love a turkey.

Lynda entices Jim into the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza

[Lynda] “The whole event would be enhanced by someone of your gravitas.”

Jim thinks “flattery won’t work”.


How about making it sound fun?

[Lynda] “It’s a most enjoyable thing to do. Isn’t it Oliver?”

Actually, Oliver tries to tell Lynda that he’s struggling with his sonnets.

Lynda just ignores him. Amazingly, Jim seems to be interested …

[Jim] “A novel presentation though that may be, I think the conventional way up might be more suitable”

So, Jim agrees to take part, and most sincerely hopes the rest of Ambridge is grateful.

He might be waiting some time for such gratitude.

Lynda thinks Jim would be perfect to do one of Shakespeare’s Roman plays. Like when Antony first sees Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra.

[Jim] “Far too flowery.”

[Lynda] “But it’s evocative.”

[Jim] “I really don’t want to be emoting about pretty dimpled boys like smiling cupids, thank you very much.”

Jim thinks Coriolanus would be more apt. Lynda’s not sure that would have “popular appeal”.

[Lynda] “I’m really not sure Jim, it does get rather anatomical, doesn’t it?”

[Jim] “I’d say metaphorical.”

[Lynda] “Well I'm not sure people would want to have the human body dissected in quite such explicit a fashion. It might put them off their food.”

Well, I think Lynda will win this one. In the end.

Lilian calls Matt a “smug bastard”: Tues 20.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 20th November 2012
  • Vicky’s huge and captivating
  • Wheelie Bins are Council responsibility
  • Brenda’s back to making coffee
  • Who knocked a post down?
  • It doesn’t take much to excite Sabrina Thwaite
  • Arthur died, Matt didn’t tell Lilian
  • Lilian slips up
  • The Bull’s Fashion Show

Vicky’s huge and captivating

[Roy] “She's pretty big now. Huge. She sort of suits it, though ... and Phoebe's really captivated by it all.”

Wheelie Bins are Council responsibility

So Brenda tells a “stupid” tenant.

Steady on Brenda.

As a marketer, you should know how important it is to build good customer relations.

Brenda’s back to making coffee

With Matt away, Lilian’s determined to get back into running her business. She reckons she’s left Brenda to cope alone long enough.

With Lilian back at the helm, Brenda’s immediately despatched to make coffee. Which Brenda will likely moan about just as much as when she was in charge.

Who knocked a post down?

Somebody did, at The Bull.

Though no-one seems concerned about it, so would seem it doesn’t matter.


It doesn’t take much to excite Sabrina Thwaite

Seems she and her friends are very excited indeed about the forthcoming fashion show at the Bull.

[Lilian] “The yummy mummies, yes I can imagine.”

Arthur died, Matt didn’t tell Lilian

It fell to Brenda to mention it in passing.

Seems it happened a couple of weeks ago. Brenda was only talking about it as Joyce can’t stand to live in her and Arthur’s house anymore, so is moving into the flat Matt had been harassing them about.

So, Matt gets exactly what he wants.

[Brenda] “I would have thought he’d have mentioned it.”

[Lilian] “So would I!”

So, rather than go to The Bull’s fashion show, Lilian lies in wait for Matt.

When he gets in, he doesn’t start well:

[Matt] “Dinner ready?”

Then, when confronted by Lilian about Arthur, Matt claims he’s positive he told her. In fact, Matt blames Lilian for forgetting due to the “stress” of having James and Leonie around.

[Matt] “You shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.”

Oh Matt, you’re playing a dangerous game there …

Lilian’s adamant Matt didn’t tell her about Arthur. Because he didn’t. Matt would have been too focused on getting Joyce out of the bigger house, into the flat.

Lilian’s obviously upset. She’d spent a lot of time with Arthur when Joyce was in hospital. She would have wanted to go to Arthur’s funeral.

And, of course, she thinks Matt’s treatment of Arthur and Joyce led both to Joyce being hospitalised, and now Arthur dying.

Matt blames social services, and Arthur himself (!) for being stubborn.

[Matt] “The silver lining, at least Joyce can make a fresh start.”

[Lilian] “Oh you smug bastard. This is exactly what you wanted … that poor man’s death should be on your conscience. I don’t know how you can sleep at night,. And if you want some dinner, get it yourself!”

Oh Paul … it’s an open goal at the moment!

Lilian slips up

During their argument, Lilian tries to back her side up by saying that even Darrell didn’t know about Arthur dying.

[Matt] “How do you know he doesn’t know?”


Better get better at lying, Lilian.

The Bull’s Fashion Show

The Bull is very busy for its inaugural fashion show.

But. The woman (someone called Leanne) who was supposed to compare has got ‘food poisoning’:

[Kenton] “That’s what she’s calling it.”

Quite right Kenton. ‘Food poisoning’ is always a rubbish excuse.

Anyhoo, Kenton steps up (again), to MC (again) and take the limelight (again).

[Kenton] “What I know about fashion, you could write on the back of a sequin.”

Kenton has the script for the show, so (technically) the audience didn’t have to suffer his quips all night.

But since when has Kenton ever stuck to the script?

[Kenton] “Ladies and … is that Jazzer at the back?”

Yes it was.

Since when has Jazzer passed up a chance to be in a room full of ladies?

Anyhoo, Kenton was very witty, and everyone had a fab night.

[Brenda] “Even Hilary Noakes is smiling!”


James burns bacon: Mon 19.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 19th November 2012
  • What’s Borchester Life about?
  • James had to nurse Leonie
  • Mike can’t be seen in the same jumper
  • Lilian pops in to see Darrell (aye right!)

What’s Borchester Life about?

[Vicky] “Well it’s, you know, life, in Borchester … And now my Mike’s going to be in it. Isn’t it wonderful!”

Darrell seems keener to get to work. He’d only popped into the shop for a snack.

James had to nurse Leonie

Though his leg is no better, he’s up and trying to cook bacon. For Leonie. Who has a hangover.

[James] “She’s feeling a bit fragile this morning.”

Seems Leonie and James were up late last night, to the point where Matt had to tell them to shut up.

[James] “Leonie was starting to get my like for Phil Collins.”

(oh, there’s just nae need!)

James tries to take the blame. He thinks his body clock is out of whack, as he’s not doing enough to make him tired. So Leonie was just trying to keep him entertained.

Pity it involved so much alcohol …

James is on crutches, so couldn’t carry Leonie’s bacon sandwich to her. So, he decides to put it in a bag (which I think it actually quite clever … for James). While he’s trying to find a bag, he burns the bacon.

[Lilian, quite decidedly unamused] “Would you like me to make Leonie a sandwich?”

Lilian also has to throw out the pan because of the burnt bacon.

Which shows how rich she is. Surely a wee bit of scrubbing would have got it back good as new?

Anyhoo – Leonie’s a witch, James is a simpering numpty.

Enough said.

Mike can’t be seen in the same jumper

Though he’s insistent he wears the same clothes for each of his different jobs, Vicky is insisting he has to wear different clothes for the Borchester Life photoshoot.

Why can’t Mike wear what he normally wears?

[Vicky] “It’d look like you’ve only got one set of clothes.”

[Mike] “I can’t be in the woods looking like a tailor’s dummy!”

Mike just wants to wear his favourite fleece.

[Vicky] “If you wear that I swear I’ll divorce you for mental cruelty.”

Mike really hasn’t got a choice. He accepts that Vicky will make him wear different clothes for each bit of the photoshoot. And that she’ll buy him new clothes. But it has to be something like a “nice” jumper, rather than jackets or anything “too posh”.

“Too posh” would be laughed at by his cronies down The Bull. Even though few of them are likely to read Borchester Life …

When the photographer arrives, as they’re in the dairy, he’s disappointed that Mike isn’t wearing a white coat and peaked hat.

[Mike] “This ain't the 1950s!”

Vicky may have got her way with the clothes, but she isn’t content leaving Mike and the photographer to it.

She unruffles Mike’s hair. Right in shot.

When they’re later in the woodland, she’s again in shot.

[Vicky] “I was thinking, I could be bringing Mike a message … it seems a shame, how often do you get a professional photographer round?”


Vicky wants a piece of the action.

And she also now wants Mike to wear foundation …

[Mike] “There’s no way your make up bag is coming anywhere near me!”

Lilian pops in to see Darrell (aye right!)

Lilian reckons she just wants to see how Darrell is getting on in his new job.

He’s a very happy chappy indeed, doing the type of work he trained for in the first place. Dovetail joints, cutting wood by hand and the like.

[Darrell] “You don’t get to do a lot of stuff these days.”

But what’s this … here’s Paul!

He shows Lilian round the site, then they go off to lunch. Which is interrupted by James calling for paracetamol for Leonie.

Paul’s an understanding sort of chap. He also has kids (though admits he doesn’t get to see them often).

[Lilian] “Just talking to you makes things so much easier.”

[Paul] “That’s nice”

[Lilian] “It’s so lovely to be with someone on the same wavelength. Someone who cares.”

[Paul] “Lilian, if you ever, you know, need me, to talk, don’t hesitate.”

[Lilian] “I won’t. Thank you.”

Lilian is really quite a simple lady.

Just genuinely care, and listen to her.

(though are we entirely confident Paul is genuine?)

Rhys finally asks Fallon out: The Archers Sun 18.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 18th November 2012
  • Cows bulling thrills Ruth
  • Daniel had a hangover
  • Since when was Hayley a tree decorating expert?
  • Hayley has no experience with adults
  • Fallon’s plans for Jaxx involve board games
  • The barn shall be rebuilt!
  • Rhys makes a play for Fallon

Cows bulling thrills Ruth

[Ruth] “Are you excited?”

[David] “I’m not bulling, Ruth.”

[Ruth] “Here we are at the start of our new system.”

So, Brookfield is officially starting its new system. Which is fraught in itself when it comes to feeding and the like. But I don’t suppose they had any other choice – it was that or give up the cows.

[David] “Doesn’t look like any of these are ready for your inseminator charms.”


Daniel had a hangover

Quite right too after one’s own 18th birthday. Seems Daniel didn’t see much of Saturday at all.

Since when was Hayley a tree decorating expert?

Jim reckons she is.

[Jim] “I can’t think of anyone better qualified to talk about craft for young children.”

So, alongside giving Jim advice about decorating trees, Hayley also suggests they get the kids to bring jam jars so that they can decorate them as lanterns.

Sounds bonny.

Hayley has no experience with adults

(what’s Roy then?)

She’s worried about the consultant making mention of Lower Loxley needing to have closer links with the local College, running adult education courses and the like.

Hayley’s only got experience with young kids. She thinks they’ll get rid of her and someone with the experience.

But, Hayley doesn’t want to Elizabeth in case she puts the idea in her head (if she’s not thinking like that in the first place). Roy offers to have a “subtle” word.

[Hayley] “We can’t afford to lose my job.”

What a worry.

It’ll get as grim as Ed and Emma’s.

Fallon’s plans for Jaxx involve board games

Fallon’s worried Jaxx is quite quiet today. She’s thinking of how to get more punters in.

She reckons a Sunday roast and board games will get them in, and staying for longer.

[Fallon] “A bit like going round your gran’s for tea. Kind of home from home atmosphere.”

[Rhys] “Yeah, but without the unspoken tension of causal racism …”

[Fallon] “What sort of home did you come from?”

(quite an average one, I’d reckon)

She’ll also get a reggae DJ in.

[Fallon] “Sociable Sunday. Heal your hangover.”

[Rhys] “You’re an absolute natural, aren’t you?”

And Rhys also reckons it is all stuff she’d never be able to do at The Bull.

[Fallon] “It was the right move. Work wise, anyway.”

Missing Rhys, Fallon is.

The barn shall be rebuilt!

David’s heard from the insurers, and they can get cracking on building the barn again.

Rhys makes a play for Fallon

[Rhys] “It’s my night off. I heard a  rumour you had drink on sale.”

Rhys is in at Jaxx. Allegedly to have a drink, but more likely to see Fallon.

Rhys tells Jim that it’s better to be having a busman’s night off than collect stamps (which he doesn’t do anyway).

But he’s really there to see Fallon.

He asks her if she has a night off this week.

[Rhys] “Do you think, I mean you’ve probably got something planned, if not maybe you’d like to go for a drink. Or meal. Or cinema. Anything you want really.”

[Fallon] “Rhys, are you suggesting a date?”

[Rhys] “I am. Say yes, only if you want to.”

[Fallon] “I do want to. Yes.”


At last!!!

Daniel’s 18th birthday: The Archers Fri 16.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 16th November 2012
  • Daniel buys his first pint in The Bull
  • Bunty and Reg don’t want meals on wheels
  • Daniel’s party
  • Who is Rhys trying to suck up to?
  • Shires just isn’t the same
  • The kids in America
  • I Gotta Feeling
  • Mark would have been proud
  • Worried that Jim’s going pagan
  • Kenton accepts he’s not a young ‘un?
  • Ed needs Eddie for a pint

Daniel buys his first pint in The Bull

Yup, he’s a man now.

Bunty and Reg don’t want meals on wheels

Shula had organised frozen meals to be delivered to Reg and Bunty, but they’ve cancelled them. Much to Shula’s frustration.

[Shula] “They’re lovely, but he sees it as an insult. I was only trying to make their life easier.”


Sounds like Shula’s life just got more difficult then.

Daniel’s party

James and Leonie were there.

Oh joy.

It sounded like Daniel got an iPad.

Most of his class turned up to celebrate. Shula has hired a marquee. And got a hog roast.

(how posh!)

Daniel had a marvellous time.

[Daniel] “This is the best night of my life!”

Who is Rhys trying to suck up to?

Lynda is very impressed with Rhys’ acting ability.

Seems Lynda said to him: “Rhys, you’re giving it such subtext”.

Fallon reckons he’s teacher’s pet.

[Rhys] “I’m not trying to impress Lynda, okay!”

[Fallon] “Well, who then?”

Hmmm …

Oh Fallon and Rhys – just get on with it!

Shires just isn’t the same

Reckons Jazzer, according to Ed, since Fallon stopped pouring them.

Though Fallon seems to be enjoying Jaxx, she also misses Ambridge.

[Rhys] “Things don’t feel quite the same round here though.”

He missed Fallon, and isn’t exactly having a ball with Kenton in charge.

[Rhys] “Me and Fallon, we’re sort of a team … I’m just not in the loop anymore.”

Doesn’t help that Kenton also treats Rhys like a scullery maid. When Kenton gets back in, he immediately takes over the bar, sending Rhys out to collect glasses.

The kids in America

Daniel’s going to take a gap year, probably heading off to live in America, either in new York or San Francisco.

Jamie’s already planning to stay with him.

[Daniel] “The Ambridge boys take on America, it’s a deal.”

I Gotta Feeling

By the Black Eyed Peas, was playing at Daniel’s party.

That’s a song played at my footy team when we win.

We didn’t get to hear it much last season, but more or less every week this season.

‘Mon Queen of the South!

(sorry for interrupting, but we really have been marvellous this season!)

Mark would have been proud

Shula’s having a moment with Kenton about Daniel flying the coup.

[Shula] “Having Daniel, it’s what kept me going.”

[Kenton] “You should be proud. He’s a fine young man, And Mark would be proud too.”

Indeed. Daniel does seem like a nice young chap.

Worried that Jim’s going pagan

Jim’s obsessing about dressing trees for the Community Orchard event.

Olive and Caroline are worried he’s revelling too much in what seems to be a Pagan ritual.

[Kenton] “Him and Joe dancing naked around the orchard!”

Shula thanks him for burning that image forever into her brain …

Kenton accepts he’s not a young ‘un?

[Kenton] “Time for me to bow out and let the bright young things get on with it.”


Kenton would normally force himself to stay up to the bitter end.

Jolene really has helped him settle.

Ed needs Eddie for a pint

Ed’s in The Bull looking for Eddie.

He can’t afford his own pint.


Ruth does a bad impression of a witch: Thurs 15.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 15th November 2012
  • When did David get more spare time?
  • Spend more on a ski jacket than a suit
  • Neil has to give up Sky Sport for Ed and Emma
  • Leonie Vs Lilian Vs Lynda
  • Ruth goes all witchy
  • The Friar and the Nun
  • Actually, that hammering was irritating
  • Wiggo
  • Leonie doesn’t like Matt

When did David get more spare time?

He’s had such a blast being NFU Chair for his local chaps, that he now wants to run for County Chair.

Remember when he first became NFU Chair? He was rather stressed, and pushed for time.

Seems now he more or less a man of leisure.

Spend more on a ski jacket than a suit

Which is what Pip has done. Compared to what David would so.

In my humble opinion, I don’t think it was be too hard to spend more than David would on an item of clothing.

Josh is also in a spending mood, though he doesn’t have much of it until he starts doing Neil’s chickens, and he’s not really allowed to spend his money on what he wants.

[David] “Pip’s a grown up Josh, I might not like it.”


Neil has to give up Sky Sport for Ed and Emma

Neil and Susan were debating how much they could afford to give to Ed and Emma to help out.

Susan wants to give them £50 a week (a week!)

[Neil] “Where are we going to find that sort of money, we can only just about to afford our bills.”

Susan reckons they could manage it if they cancelled some of their TV – though they didn’t actually mention Sky (the Beeb will have edited that out).

[Susan] “How much football do you watch anyway?”

Susan reckons she’d rather they (well, Neil) gave something up than the “kids go hungry”.

Neil grudgingly concurs, though they settle on £40 a week (a week!).

Neil also wonders if Eddie should be told about Ed and Emma’s predicament. Susan reckons not so, as Ed has his pride. And anyway, Eddie won’t be able to help them anyway.

Well, though Eddie probably hasn’t got the cash to lend them, I'm sure he’d find a way to help out if he was told … won’t he be angry that he was kept out of it?

Leonie Vs Lilian Vs Lynda

Leonie’s trying to get rid of Lilian and Matt. She wants their house to herself, and James to herself.

Lilian’s obviously losing the will to live, having Leonie around. She feigns concern about Leonie missing so much work.

[Lilian] “Aren’t they missing you at work?”

Seems not. Which isn’t surprising, really.

Later on, Leonie tells Lynda that she’s been given unpaid leave.

[Leonie] “He told me I was welcome to take as much time as I need … I’m not leaving James until he’s back on his feet again … don’t worry Lynda, I’ll be around for a while yet!”


Later on, Lilian and Lynda are back onto sniping at each other about whether who is worse. Leonie, or James

[Lilian] “Someone needs to tell her to calm down … it doesn’t seem entirely healthy.”

Lynda reckons James ignored Leonie for months.

[Lynda] “If Leonie’s behaviour is a little obsessive, well then james shouldn’t be taking advantage of it … Leonie’s very easily manipulated … Well, she must feel she needs to be there.”

[Lilian] “I beg your pardon! I can look after my son Lynda!”


It’s one thing to be negative about one’s son, bit a different matter entirely to question one’s abilities as a mother.

Bout time James and Leonie left Ambridge, before Lilian and Lynda really fall out.

Ruth goes all witchy

Ruth has to practise her witch in front of Lynda (she’s 1 of 3 from Macbeth in the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza).

Lynda has quite exact standards for her witches.

[Lynda] “The last thing we want is to descend into cliché. Remember back in Shakespeare’s day a witch could be anyone. I’d like to aim for something rather more insidious and authentic.”

[Ruth] “Yeah, fine, I’m not quite sure …”

When Ruth runs through her lines, she sounds like a crow with a very sore throat.

[Lynda] “I see  … well, top marks for learning your lines.”

(big Lynda *sniff*)

The Friar and the Nun

Is the ditty for Jazzer to sign at the Christmas show, as discovered by Pip.

[Lynda] “Apparently, it revolves around a friar who … well, you can imagine, those Elizabethans have no shame.”

We shall wait Jazzer’s signing with interest …

Actually, that hammering was irritating

I thought it was rather off of Lynda to demand Neil and Robert hammered the set very slowly and in silence while the ‘talent’ were rehearsing.

But, it actually was rather irritating while trying to eavesdrop in.


Is the Brookfield cow, named after Bradley Wiggins, which Josh is helping David to halter train ahead of a cattle show.

Josh also tries to angle for a day off school to take Wiggo to the show.

Nice try!

Leonie doesn’t like Matt

The feeling’s mutual!

Even when Leonie actually spends time at Lynda and Robert’s, she’s immediately back on the phone to James.

Seems Matt came home, so Leonie left.

[Leonie] “Even just knowing he’s in the house, it spoils the atmos.”

(yay! Something Matt can do for good rather than evil)

Emma goes to the food bank: Wed 14.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 14th November 2012
  • Make do wae nowt
  • Leonie gave olives to the food bank
  • Walking in on your daughter eating at the food bank
  • Sam Smith whacked Freddie in the shins
  • Is Emma being punished?
  • “Everything comes down to maths”

Make do wae nowt

Emma’s out shopping in Borchester.

Their account is empty, and she only has a fiver on her. Ed used what was left in the account for petrol

When Emma calls in a panic, all Ed can say is to “make do”.

That’s not exactly helpful …

[Emma] “Ed, we’ve got no food. I can’t make meals out of nothing.”

Leonie gave olives to the food bank


[Susan] “As if someone desperate enough to go to a foodbank would want them!”

Well, actually …

Walking in on your daughter eating at the food bank

The next we heard of Emma was her at a food bank, trying to get a food box.

Which she couldn’t do, as she needed a referral from a health visitor or the CAB.

Just as Emma is about to combust with frustration, the nice lady at the food bank says she can at least give her and Keira lunch there and then. They’re rather hungry, and later sounds like it’s a good enough lunch.

Trouble is, Susan’s also at the food bank (of course she is!), dropping off the food collected at the village shop.

Susan spots Emma.

[Emma] “It’s not what it looks like. We’ve never been here before. I was just walking past …”

Emma tries to bluff her way out, saying they’d been going to the supermarket but the cash machine was broken.

[Emma] “I just didn’t know what else to do …”

But, Emma can’t keep up the lie:

[Emma, while starting to cry] “We’ve no money. There’s nothing left. There isn’t any food at home, and I’m so hungry … I’ve been trying so hard. But it didn’t matter what I do, it’s never enough.”

[Susan] “Come here. What have you been going through?”

Ah well. At least Ed and Emma might get some proper help now. They can’t exactly deny their abject poverty.

Sam Smith whacked Freddie in the shins

Not sure what with, nor who Sam Smith is (apart from another pupil at Freddie’s school), but Freddie was quite upset about it.

Is Emma being punished?

Susan gets Emma home. Emma doesn’t even have any teabags as the kids don’t have it. Susan’s horrified, but to put it into perspective.

[Emma] “Bigger problems than not having a cuppa.”

Emma explains that she can’t work due to how much childcare will cost. Which is actually a good point (I admit, after months of telling her to get a job). And, Ed can’t work anymore than he does.

Susan’s heartbroken for them.

[Susan] “All that hard work Ed does, and he can’t even put food on the table.”

[Emma] “Nic and Will are never hard up. What do they do that’s so special … I just feel like, sometimes I'm still being punished for choosing Ed.”


So, Emma thinks folks are thinking she got what she deserved. Which is why she’s so embarrassed (alongside the obvious reasons).

Anyhoo, Susan bought Emma’s shopping, which means Ed gets a slap up meal of steak and kidney later on. Though Emma has to tell him why Susan bought it for them.

[Emma] “She saw me, Ed, at the food bank in Borchester.” 
[Ed, obviously very upset] “All I’ve ever wanted is to take care of you and the kids … prove to everyone that I’m not a waster, and look what’s happened.”

[Emma] “I know it’s hard, but if we don’t accept their help, I don’t know what we’ll do … now come on, we’ve got a nice dinner for once, try and enjoy it. Please.”


“Everything comes down to maths”

Ifty has a nifty way of helping Freddie to enjoy maths.

(see what I did there! … sorry …)

He takes Freddie outside.

The pediment about Lower Loxley’s front door helps him teach Freddie about obtuse angles. Casper (the horse) helped with centimetres.

Well done Ifty.

Maybe if all of Freddie’s classes were like that, he’d do a bit better at school.

They ran out of sherry on Peggy’s birthday: Tues 13.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 13th November 2012
  • “Well, I couldn’t miss Granny’s birthday”
  • Peggy is 88
  • Matt’s working
  • What’s funny about The Bull?
  • Tom brings a rubbish gift
  • Pat and Tony aren’t allowed into the living room
  • “Most Chinese people are lactose intolerant”
  • Leonie is Annie Wilkes
  • Jennifer didn’t just want a cucumber
  • Even Brian has sympathy

“Well, I couldn’t miss Granny’s birthday”

So says Leonie.

Who invited herself to Peggy’s birthday.

And then has the nerve to call Peggy ‘granny’.


Later on, Leonie called Jennifer ‘Jen’.

To her face.


[Leonie] “You have such a close family. I’m just so touched you’ve let me been part of it.”


I don’t think Leonie stands a chance of being a real part of their family if she keeps on path she’s taken …

Peggy is 88

Well done, Peggy.

As well as the family party, Peggy had coffee at The Bull with Jill and Christine. And was most tickled that Kenton brought her out a brownie, with a sparkler with it.

Matt’s working.

As Jennifer said, he couldn’t even spare an hour for Peggy.

Badly done, Matt.

What’s funny about The Bull?

[Leonie] “I still find it’s hilarious that’s where your mum grew up.”

[Peggy, offended] “Really?”

[James] “Why do you think she’s always got a drink in her hand!”

Peggy was not amused.

Tom brings a rubbish gift

He brought Peggy a Tom Archer hamper prototype.

[Tom] “So much of it was your idea gran, I just wanted to say thank you.”

Well, I suppose the sentiment was right. And the hamper itself is probably full of yumminess.

But couldn’t he just have avoided something with ‘Tom Archer’ for one day?

Just for Peggy?

Pat and Tony aren’t allowed into the living room

Nobody said as such, but they certainly weren’t heard of in the living room …

“Most Chinese people are lactose intolerant”

According to James. Which means milk prices will plummet as it’s a ‘ticking time bomb’.

Brian does not agree.

Leonie is Annie Wilkes

Leonie’s rude about Mike and Vicky

Brenda was telling folks that Mike was made to watch a birth

A pre-recorded one, during Vicky’s antenatal.

[Leonie] “I must say, I think they’re being incredibly brave, what an appalling shock for them.”

[Brenda] “Actually, they’re very happy.”

[Leonie] “Well, I suppose there’s no point in dwelling on it.”

Later on …

[Brenda] “I could have scratched her eyes out.”

[Tom] “A brainless, made in Chelsea, reality show wannabe.”

[Brenda] “Exactly, although I was going to say the only way is Essex.”

James comes in, being nursed by Leonie (almost literally).

[Brenda] “It’s a good thing he’s got you to look after him.”

[Tom] “It means he can’t escape … what’s that film, about the famous novelist who crashes his car … he gets held captive by a crazy nurse …”

[Brenda] “Misery!”

[Tom] “That’s the one … have you seen it Leonie? It’s like you’ve been taking notes.”

Tom asks Jennifer if she’s seen Misery.

[Tom] “We think Leonie’s got a similar bedside manner.”

Jennifer has a wee chuckle at that.

[Tom] “You out to look out James. There’s no escape.”

[Brenda] “Even when you get better.”

[Tom] “She’ll probably try to …”

[Brenda] “Break your legs again!”

Poor Leonie.

Ganged up on, and she doesn’t get the joke.

Jennifer didn’t just want a cucumber

[Lilian] “Is this all you really wanted me for, to pass you a  cucumber?”

Mais non.

Jennifer wanted to talk to Lilian about Matt.

She must have finally realised Lilian’s been trying to tell her she’s not exactly happy.

[Lilian] “As soon as he heard she was coming, he was suddenly overwhelmed with paperwork … It’s like everything else though. He’s never around … If he really loved me, he could at least spare a couple of hours to be by my side … I’ll know he’ll never be the most empathetic of partners, but it’d be nice to feel that we’re on the same side … juts a quick smile, or a touch on the arm … I can’t remember the last time we were alone together and we felt completely at ease.”

[Jennifer] “He does love you though Lilian.”

[Lilian] “He needs me … That’s a different thing … and I'm getting pretty tired of living my life through ultimatums.”

Even Brian has sympathy

[Brian on James] “The nonsense he was coming out with about the Chinese … Lilian’s got her hands full with those two.”

Goodness me, it must be awful if even Brian is noticing.

Rhys is ignored: Mon 12.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 12th November 2012
  • Kenton’s NOT just excited about the models?
  • Deck the halls!
  • Kenton, the community chap
  • Nil desperandum
  • Joe has new teeth
  • Joe has a class consciousness?
  • Is Rhys invisible?
  • Jim wants to put ribbons round the trees
  • Nigel’s cane and scythe

Kenton’s NOT just excited about the models?

So he claims.

And we don’t mean the airfix variety neither.

It’s to be The Bull’s fashion show next Tuesday … Kenton reckons it’s making him feel Christmassy.

Aye, right then.

Deck the halls!


I do love it when Deck the Halls gets a mention for the first time.

It means Christmas is on its way.

[Elizabeth] “I can’t believe we're there again already.”

But, this year, there will be no ice rink. Seems it costs too much.

Though there will be the German Market. So there will be Gluehwein.

Shame about this rink, but at least the string stuff will be flowing!

Kenton, the community chap

Kenton’s been asked (or he asked?) to switch the Ambridge Christmas lights on.

[Kenton] “I’m becoming quite the pillar of the community, I'll have you know.”

[Elizabeth] “God help us all!”

Nil desperandum

[Jim] “… never despair. There's worse things than a  Monday morning.”

Indeed Jim.

I used to think a Sunday night when I was at school was worse than a Monday morning. Last of the Summer Wine was ruined by the thought of Double French.

Joe has new teeth


Seems they’re comfy, and of normal hue.

[Jim] “At least we won’t be able to see you coming in the dark.”

Joe must be mightily relieved. Though Jim reminds him that most folks have more things to do:

[Jim] “Other than to admire your dental furniture.”

Joe has a class consciousness?

Seems Joe doesn’t approve of or buy Borchester Life.

[Joe] “By toffs for toffs, if you ask me.”

Then Jim tells him about his articles. About “interesting” Ambridge folks.

[Joe] “And you chose Mike Tucker ... well, if you're looking to interview someone else, wise old country gentleman who actually knows what he's on about …”

Ah – caught!

Jim reckons he couldn’t ask Joe to be a subject due to his “strong moral objections.”

[Jim] “Although I can quite understand your class consciousness.”

[Joe] “We could change it from the inside.”

Is Rhys invisible?

Kenton and Jolene ignore Rhys while they’re mucking around.

When Jim and Joe are talking about a community event in the Community Orchard (see below), Rhys suggests they could tell stories.

Everyone ignores him. Again.

Kenton comes into the conversation, and suggests storytelling. Which everyone agrees is a marvellous idea.

[Kenton] “It’s nice being useful.”

Jim wants to put ribbons round the trees

[Jim] “The idea is to celebrate trees in all their variety.”

Not sure why, but Jim wants to hold another day to celebrate the Community Orchard. Like the Apple Day, they just had.

Joe’s quite interested, though.

He could sell his holly and mistletoe.

(ah – it must really be Christmas soon!)

Nigel’s cane and scythe

Lewis and Elizabeth are having a look at the old dairy, to possibly turn into wedding accommodation.

Seems Nigel used to squirrel away some of his odds and sods there.

[Elizabeth] “It’s the cane Nigel used to spy on swallows.”


And also the scythe he used to cut the meadow.

It seems it’s quite a big building - 200,800 square feet, Lewis reckons. Which could need a £840,000 budget to fix up.

Which Lewis reckons would be a good investment. Though Elizabeth would need to get a loan.

AND it’s a grade listed building (so couldn’t possibly be a quick fix)

[Elizabeth] “I don’t suppose the scythe is worth very much?”

[Lewis] “Not financially, no.”

I’m amazed at how far Elizabeth has progressed with her grief.

That sort of conversation – finding things of, and remembering things about, Nigel used to send her over the edge.

Now, it’s fondness rather than overwhelming sadness.