Friday, 31 August 2012

Darrell ate the last of the bread: Fri 31.08.12

The Archers Friday 31st August 2012
  • Just fix the bloomin’ washing machine!
  • Matt sends Lilian out for cigars
  • Darrell’s caught between a washing machine and a Police record
  • Adam had a pasty
  • Lynda tries to recruit Elona
  • Vicky tells Lynda

Just fix the bloomin’ washing machine!

Elona is not a happy bunny with Darrell.

First, she’s suspicious of a cake.

[Elona] “What’s this? … this sponge cake?”

It’s from Joyce.

Then, Elona is suspicious of a sandwich.

[Elona] “What was in your sandwich?”

Only cheese. Which there is more of. But Darrell’s finished all of the bread.

Oh dear.

Seems Elona is upset because Mrs Gloria Hamilton died in the night. Mrs Hamilton hadn’t even been ill. Elona found her dead when she’d brought her morning tea.

[Elona] “She used to laugh big … hearty. And today, no more Gloria. No more laugh. I would have liked to say goodbye.”

So, death. No bread. A suspicious cake. And the washing machine is also broken.

To top that, Darrell’s off to speak to Matt rather than sort the bloomin’ washing machine.

Later on:

[Elona] “Darrell, you are a  carpenter not a philosopher. All your walking around won’t get the washing machine fixed!”

Seems Anna needs some clothes for a weekend with her pals. Her weekend will be ruined if she can’t have them washed and ready.

[Elona] “I have two jobs, and I still manage to cook for you, clean this house, and do the washing when I have a washing machine that works!”


Elona is right.

But she’s putting Darrell into an impossible situation.

If only Darrell would tell her what’s happening.

Matt sends Lilian out for cigars

When Darrell comes round to see Matt, Matt makes sure that Lilian isn't around to hear what Darrell has to say.

[Matt] “Didn’t you say you need some fags? Can you get me some cigars while you’re at the shop?”

[Lilian, incredulous] “You want me, to get you, some cigars?”

Though Lilian is far from amused, she does Matt’s bidding.

Even more bizarre, Lilian also doesn’t blink when she’s charged £24.05 for 40 of her “usual”, and 10 of Matt’s slim cigars.

Ad a smoker myself, I always want to burst into tears when I buy my tobacco.

(I know. There’s allegedly an easy solution to that)

Darrell’s caught between a washing machine and a Police record

Darrell wanted to tell Matt that what he’s been asked to do is “not fair”. Not only did Matt make him try and force Joyce and Arthur out of their home, Matt then blamed Darrell for the problems at their house in front of Lilian.

Matt is entirely unrepentant,

[Matt] “If you’ve got a problem with the tasks I set you, you’re free to take your tools elsewhere.”

Darrell reckons he might just do that.

Then Matt reminds Darrell of his prison record.

Damn him!

Darrell’s basically a good chap so needs to grow a backbone. To both Matt, and Elona.

Adam had a pasty

Lilian bumps into Adam coming out of the village shop.

He’s clutching a pasty.

[Lilian] “Isn’t that a bit eh, whatever the opposite of haute cuisine is?”

[Adam] “I know, living with a chef is great, but sometimes I get a craving for food wrapped in cellophane tasting of cardboard.”

Adam tells Lilian that he’s coping with Brian, now that he’s back working at Home Farm. “Rubbing along” was the way he put it.

[Adam] “Well, he’ll never change will he Lilian … so it’s really down to me how I choose to deal with him.”

[Lilian] “Working with Matt, he always sails close to the wind, but sometimes he doesn’t know where the wind is … maybe I need to choose how I want to react.”

Ah – Lilian has her cigarettes – and she’s been inspired.

Mind the step, Matt.

Lynda tries to recruit Elona

To show during the Flower and produce show.

[Lynda] “It’s a wonderful way to deepen your involvement in village life.”


Best stay clear for a few years, I reckon.

Vicky tells Lynda

During her shift in the village shop, Vicky bursts into tears.

She almost tells Lynda what’s the matter, but doesn’t.

However, she does tell Lynda,  later on, when Lynda visits her after sending her home from the shop.

[Lynda] “You must be devastated.”

[Vicky] “I am. You always picture, when you think about having a baby in your head, it’s always perfect. I know I’m going to love it, but …”

[Lynda] “You’re going to have it then?”

[Vicky] “Oh yeah, I couldn’t so anything else, I couldn’t …”

[Lynda] “It’s very brave of you Vicky. And Mike, he feels the same way?”

[Vicky] “I don’t think he does. But I can’t do it without him. I love him so much, I have to have this baby …I’m just desperate for him to … he’s got to want it as well. He has to.”

What Down’s Syndrome could mean for the baby: Thurs 30.08.12

(and for Vicky and Mike)

The Archers Thursday 30th August 2012

  • Herd Manager’s get paid £60k!
  • The Brookfield grassland hasn’t worked
  • Vicky and Mike’s baby definitely has Down’s Syndrome

Herd Manager’s get paid £60k!


Seems Brian is in a “sunny mood” as he and Debbie have got a good batch of applications for the job.

No wonder, at that rate of pay!

The Brookfield grassland hasn’t worked

Ruth and David had planted Timothy and the like to try and improve their pasture.

But it hasn’t really worked. They’ll need to try again, re-ploughing in the Spring if need be.

But, quite contrary to David and Ruth’s normal reaction to adversity (get deeply and darkly depressed), they can’t be frustrated this time.

Their part (now a picnic) is on Wednesday.


[David] “If the worst we’ve got to worry about now is patchy germination, things can’t be that bad.”

Vicky and Mike’s baby definitely has Down’s Syndrome

Seems the test has no margin of error.

[Doctor] “Your baby definitely has down syndrome … but, what we don’t know of course is to what degree that will affect its development …children with down’s syndrome often share characteristics, including particular facial features, but there’s as much variety as with other babies … some don’t have any specific medical issues …”

But the baby may have heart problems. Bowel problems. Problems with its sight and hearing.

[Vicky] “You always see them wearing glasses, don’t you?”

And its immune system might be compromised.

[Doctor] “They can be at a great of infections, a higher frequency of coughs and colds …”

[Vicky] “Well that’s not a problem is it, a few more sniffles …”

Well, the doctor explains it’s more about being susceptible to lots of other infections.

But. Their baby might have some of these problems. It might have none at all.

[Mike] “Even if you can give them an operation or whatever, they're still going to be mentally handicapped.”

[Doctor] “We tend not to use that phrase nowadays but yes … all children with down's syndrome will have some degree of learning difficulty.”

[Vicky] “Some degree, so that might be mild?”

Yes, the doctor explains, but the baby will definitely be slower to reach “milestones”, like walking or talking. On the flip side, he explains that most folks born with Down’s Syndrome will go to lead fairly independent lives, being able to do things like dress and feed themselves.

[Mike] “Most. But not all.”

[Doctor] “It is easy at this stage to focus on the problems.”

And he explains that life expectancy for folks with Down’s Syndrome is 60/65 now.

[Mike] “I’ll be long gone then, won’t I!”

[Doctor] “Nobody expects to outlive their children.”

But as negative as Mike is being, he’s also being practical. He’s worried about who will support their child when they’re gone.

[Doctor] “One way parents look at it is it’s different, not worse, every child is a person with their own personality and they’ll al capable of bringing joy to the people around them.”

[Vicky] “They can be very affectionate, can’t they, happy children …”

The doctor concurs. Though points out they can also be sad, just like anyone else.

And he gives them a leaflet (!).

Mike then asks about abortion - how many folks have them, and the like.

The doctor tells them that it’s always a very personal decision. Each couple has to make their own choice.

[Vicky] “I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone else does. I couldn’t do that to my baby! … I just know that I want this baby. And I’m going to love and care for it come what may. It’s our baby, Mike.”

When they get home, Vicky wants to be able to talk to other folks about the result. Mike doesn’t want to (as per).

[Mike] “Don’t want to have to tell them one thing, then have to tell them another … you know, if we decided, if we go for termination … have your really thought it through … this baby, it was going to be hard enough work if it were normal, now look at all the problems it will have …”

[Vicky] “Our baby is a gift Mike. I don’t care how hard it’s going to be.”

[Mike] “You say that now, but it’s going to be day in, day out, for years and years, you’ll be getting older, I’ll be getting older. We have a good life Vicky, while spoil it?”

[Vicky] “Please, I can’t bear it.”

Oh, how awful.

Just a wee baby, much loved and wanted by his or her mum.

But Mike … the ever practical ...

Lance is nasty, Kenton is nasty: Thurs 30.08.12

Ambridge Extra Thursday 30th August 2012
  • Why did Kenton make Mel have an abortion?
  • Lance wants what’s due

Why did Kenton make Mel have an abortion?

Jolene’s in a serious, very angry, angry, angry mood with Kenton.

[Jolene] “I always thought you were basically a decent bloke, a good man.”

But now she thinks not so.

Not after learning that he abandoned Mel and their child (Meriel), after previously making Mel have an abortion.

Kenton tries to explain.

He didn’t support Mel and Meriel properly (after he left them) as he had no money when he got back to Ambridge. He reckons he had to beg Jack to buy Jaxx to give him a home and a job.

That’s why he didn’t send them money for a while.

What about the abortion?

[Jolene] “That you forced her to have. Is it true?”

[Kenton] “Yes. I know it sounds horrible, but there wasn’t any alternative.”

Kenton reckoned he and Mel had no money. A tiny flat. A failing business.

[Kenton] “We couldn’t have just thrown a child into that. It would have been a disaster”

And, after all, he and Mel had only got married in the first place to get him a visa.

[Kenton] “I didn’t sign up for that,”

[Jolene] “God, I knew you had a selfish streak, but that’s something else!”

Kenton also explains that Mel had depression after the abortion. And became obsessed with having a baby.

So, he made her a deal.

Mel wouldn’t want a baby for a season, so that they could try and get the business up and running.

(I know that sounds ridiculous. But it’s what the man said)


[Kenton] “She tricked me.”

Seems Mel got pregnant anyway.

[Kenton] “The worst thing is, being pregnant didn’t make her better.”

What’s worse, Mel then didn’t even do the business admin! So the business went bust.

The nerve of that woman … (again, I know – but it’s what Kenton was actually saying)

[Jolene] “You ran away, not just for your business, not just from your friends, but from your wife who was mentally ill and had a baby to look after!”

Jolene storms away (as far as she can, which wasn’t far considering they’re on a boat), not even letting Kenton touch her.

Quite right too.

Kenton really is showing his nasty side.

It’s bad enough he did all of that to Mel in the first place. But, to still try and justify it (with only a slight apology, to Jolene. More about being found out, than genuinely apologetic about what he’d done).

Nasty, nasty Kenton.

Lance wants what’s due

[Lance] “Well actually mate, I want what you owe me … 50k should cover it.”

Lance reckons it was all Kenton’s fault the business went under. And now Kenton has it made – runs a pub, partner of a woman who owns a pub, and can afford to rent a yacht for two weeks.

Though Kenton tries to explain that he’s maxed out his credit cards paying for the yacht (and his mum paid for their trip), but Lance is more interested in “Loss earnings and mental hardship”.

[Lance] “Point it, it was your fault … if you hadn’t done a bunk, we could have made a go of it … You’ve ruined my life, you owe me!”

Lance sounded like he was getting violent. He certainly smashed something, scaring Kenton quite badly.

Kenton then stutters that Lance has a point. So when he gets back, he’ll “liquidate” some investments, and raise the £32k (it was 50k Australian dollars).

(course, Kenton doesn’t have investments to liquidate in the first place)

Mel heard everything.

[Mel] “My god. What have we got on board!?!”

Nasty, nasty Lance.

(though nasty, nasty Kenton deserves nasty, nasty Lance!)

Vicky’s amniocentesis is positive: Wed 29.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 29th August 2012
  • Harry’s back
  • Fallon’s booked Tug Fowler
  • Tray of chips for Harry
  • Jamie’s going on a cutting course
  • No-one will live with Jazzer
  • Rhys and Fallon are not happy with each other
  • It’s bad news for Vicky and Mike

Harry’s back

His first visit was to Mike to apologise for leaving his job so abruptly.

[Harry] “You’ve got every right to be hacked off with me too … I really want to apologise face to face, jacking in my job like that, it’s not the careful Harry that everyone know. I surprised myself to be honest, when it comes to someone you really love, well, you’ll do anything for them … I’m sorry and I wanted to thank you for giving me the job in the first place.”

Mike accepts his apology, but is actually quite distracted. Vicky’s test is due back any day now.

Fallon’s booked Tug Fowler

He’ll be appearing at The Bull in 3 weeks’ time.

Rhys doesn’t sound enthusiastic.

He reckons Jolene won’t be happy either …

Tray of chips for Harry

Rhys reckons.

Fallon would like slightly more elegant catering for Harry’s farewell party lock-in at The Bull.

(which Fallon won’t let Jamie stay for as she reckons he’s still too young. Spoil sport!)
Well, chops or not, Harry enjoyed his leaving do. And they didn’t get raided by the Police for having a lock-in.

Harry’s final word went to Rhys:

[Rhys] “I’ve just been talking about bread, so I thought I might as well make a toast …To my one time Anglo/Welsh rival … we thought he was a cyclist, but turns out to be quite the dark horse … he’s a smart cookie but he’s proved that when the heart speaks, the brain shuts up.”

Farewell Mr Harry Mason.

I doubt Ambridge’s milk will ever again be delivered by such a handsome and enthusiastic bloke.

Jamie’s going on a cutting course

Organised by Mike.

Can we foresee Jamie leaving College (again) to have a life worked in the woods?

No-one will live with Jazzer

Jazzer is not amused with Harry having left him to live alone.

[Jazzer] “You’re lucky I didnae just chuck your stuff threw the windae!”

Though Jazzer reckons he makes for great company, and encourages a “laid back lifestyle” in those lucky to share a home with him, he can’t find someone to replace Harry.

And he needs to. He can’t afford the rent by himself. So, not flatmate, no flat:

[Jazzer] “I’ll be back with my ma!”

But not all is lost. Harry leaves Jazzer his kettle, and:

[Jazzer] “A food processor, jings, I cannae believe my luck!”

(by-the-by, no Scot has said ‘jings’ since The Broons)

Jazzer then immediately tries to sell the food processor (and the bread maker, Harry also graciously gave him)

[Rhys] “Ah you haven't been looting again Jazzer have you?”


Rhys and Fallon are not happy with each other

[Rhys] “I dunno what’s got into Fallon. She used to be laid back. Someone you could have a laugh with … it must be the power going to her head … like something she’s got to prove … over-compensating for something.”

(Jazzer couldn’t say why Fallon’s had such a mood change … all credit to him for still being a gent and not telling about the night he spent with Fallon under the (campervan) stars)

[Rhys] “All I know is she stopped listening to common sense.”

[Harry] “To you, you mean.”

[Rhys] “She’s driving me mad!”

When Rhys steps away, enter Fallon:

[Fallon] “I don’t know what’s got into Rhys, he used to have a bit of get up and go, a bit of a spark. … deep down he’s a stick in the mud … I tell you Harry, he’s driving me mad!”

Love is in the air, I reckon.

It’s bad news for Vicky and Mike

Vicky takes a phone call. She ends the call crying.

[Vicky] “I’m so sorry Mike.”

[Mike] “No, it’s um, we’ll find some way through it.”

[Vicky] “Will we?”

[Mike] “Yeah, yeah of course we will.”

No-one said it, but we can only assume Vicky’s test showed the baby has Down’s Syndrome.

Emma has a picnic in the rain: Tues 28.08.12

The Archers Tuesday 28th August 2012
  • No Zig a Zoo Land for George
  • David still really (really!) hates badgers
  • Matt blames Darrell
  • The Mighty Zar!

No Zig a Zoo Land for George

Poor George.

His mates are going, but it’s too expensive for Ed and Emma (seems it’s some sort of theme park).

So George gets to go to the local playground with Emma and Keira, with a promise that another of his mates will be there.

But, George’s other mate can’t make it.

It starts raining.

George can’t get a push on the swings as Emma is trying to get Keira to eat cheese spread.

But Emma won’t eat the cheese spread.

Emma’s at the end of her tether when Lilian saunters by with a few choice words to cheer Emma up:

[Lilian] “Don’t worry Emma, it does get better, until they’re teenagers, and then it gets worse.”

When it starts to really pee it down, Emma admits defeat and goes home.

Probably to harass Ed about their lack of disposable income.

Easily solved, Emma.

Go back to doing more paid work than just cleaning Brookfield’s kitchen floor …

David still really (really!) hates badgers

Even though David is letting Ed store the badger traps in his lean-to, he still won’t forgive the badgers for any past, current or future wrong doings.

[David] “No, you know what I’d do, if I had the choice, if we were allowed to …”

Anyhoo, seems the badger traps have to have notes on them to tell passer-bys that the badgers are being caught to be vaccinated, not being hurt.

Do-gooders who would do them ill without knowing.

And also seems that Ed isn’t getting paid for any of the work he’ll be doing to vaccinate the badgers. He can only get paid for it year 2.

Emma will be pleased that he has to get even more early than usual for no extra pay.

Matt blames Darrell

Matt’s back from his golf weekend to a very unimpressed Lilian.

She tells him about the flood at the Walters’.

[Matt] “These things happen.”

[Lilian] “You know, you need to be careful Matt, they’re an elderly couple, suppose they get ill or there’s an accident?”

[Matt] “Are you saying I had something to do with the water leak?”

[Lilian] “Did you?”

[Matt, sounding hurt] “No!”

Though Matt claims they do indeed badly need cashflow:

[Matt] “Not at the expense of hurting old people.”

Lilian then told Matt what Darrell had told her. So Matt calls Darrell, in quite an angry mood.

[Matt] “I’m not having that lunket …”

(lunket? What’s a lunket???)

Though Matt wants Darrell to come over straight away, Lilian’s busy:

[Lilian] “That’s no use for me, I’m due at The Bull.”

[Matt] “You’re starting early!”

(atta-boy! What a perfect way to calm down Lilian. Call her an alcoholic)

When Darrell does come round, and Lilian’s back, Matt lays it on thick. He’s pretending he’s horrified at what had happened to the Walters.

[Matt] “Nothing that might  engender the health of an elderly couple … We have a duty of care, especially the elderly ones … we shouldn’t be causing them any extra stress … What you and I want is to work for the best, long term interest of our residents.”

Darrell seems stunned. As Matt lectures him, all he can do is agree.

But Lilian’s not fooled.

She’s given the Walters her mobile number. So, any problems, she’ll be the first to know.

[Lilian] “There are not going to be any more out of hour emergencies … are there Matt?”


Matt may think he’s clever, but he’s just not as clever as our Lilian.

The Mighty Zar!

[George] “Be silent woman, for am I the mighty Zar, and I don’t take prisoners!”

What a funny wee chap!

Kenton’s a bad, bad, man?!? : Tues 28.08.12

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 28th August 2012
  • All aboard!
  • Who was Lance getting intimate with?
  • Bad jokes and sailing banter
  • Who told Lance about Eccles?
  • Kenton’s a bad ‘un after all …

All aboard!

Mel, Kenton, Jolene, Meriel and Lance are off on their yachting trip.

[Kenton] “And thanks for coming, not just sailing, to New Zealand. I know it’s not been easy for you.”

Did I hear that right?

Kenton actually appreciating Jolene? Jolene also seemed happy to seem Kenton “in his element”.

Anyhoo – today, I learned that adults don’t wear life jackets in a yacht (they just clip themselves onto the boat if it gets bad).

And it would seem Kenton still isn’t keen on Lance being on the trip. He starts bossing him round the minute he gets on board:

[Lance] “Alright, no need to get all Captain Bligh on me!”

Who was Lance getting intimate with?

That Lance is an odd one.

He was winding Jolene up again about how Kenton and Mel work so beautifully together. Feels like he’s trying to make her jealous.

Then he tried to be more than just friendly with Mel when he and she were left alone together on a beach at which they’d landed. He started to tell her that it should have been he and she that had got together, rather than Mel with Kenton.

[Lance] “Caught me by surprise when you and Kenton got hitched.”

Mel (quite literally) ran away from him.

But later on, Meriel walked in on Lance doing (what sounded like) adult relations. Meriel though she saw her mum run out of the room in her “running gear”.

[Lance] “What do you think you’re playing at, bursting in on people! Can’t we have 5 minutes in peace. Can’t you keep your nose out of anyone's business ... get out, and shout the door!!!”

Well, for one: that was rather rude of Lance. No need to be nasty to a young girl.

And secondly – was that Mel?

Surely wasn’t Jolene?!?

But it had to be one of the two. Unless there’s a stowaway …

Bad jokes and sailing banter

[Jolene] “Ambridge seems long, way away.”

[Kenton] “11,000 miles, I’d say that's pretty far. You could almost say it’s on the other side of the world!”


There was a lot of technical sailing speak - topping lift, grab handles and the like.

I have no ken, but it sounded impressive.

Who told Lance about Eccles?

Lance seemed to know all about him. Just Kenton after a few drinks, or has Lance been doing his own research?

Not that it really matters whether he knows of Eccles or not. It was just an odd thing for him to know about.

[Jolene] “Not sure he’ll be around for much longer.”

[Lance] “Well, that’s Kenton for you.”

[Jolene] “No, I meant Eccles.”


Kenton’s a bad ‘un after all …

Jolene had gone from enjoying the trip, to seeing things …

[Jolene] “You, coming onto Kenton … you’re so obvious …”

[Mel] “There is no way I'd want to get back together with Kenton, it’s unthinkable … It took me years to forgive Kenton for what he did … you think that was about money? That was only the half of it. Would you want a relationship with a man who forced you to have an abortion!”


And there was me thinking Kenton was just a tad selfish, a bit on the reckless side, but overall a harmless chap.

Seems not so.

Mind you, there’s always two sides to such a tale.

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Lilian knows :Mon 27.08.12

The Archers Monday 27th August 2012
  • Matt should check the phone messages
  • Rhys and Harry wouldn’t be a good couple
  • Tug Fowler
  • Darrell dobs in Matt

Matt should check the phone messages

Especially when he’s up to something Lilian has already told him not to do.

Lilian checks the business phone after the weekend. It had 9 messages.

(I thought their business was setup in their house? If so, how could they not have heard that racket?)

All the messages are from Arthur.

They had a damp patch. Which became a leak. Which has now got into their cupboard. Even with the mains turned off, it’s still leaking.

Lilian calls Arthur back.

[Lilian] “How are things?”

[Arthur] “We have a leak, how do you expect things to be?”

Lilian asks if she can call Arthur by his first name rather than Mr Walter.

[Arthur] “You can call me Shirley, as long as you get it fixed.”

[Lilian] “Well don’t you worry, Sh … ahem … Arthur.”

(tee hee!)

So Lilian calls Darrell to go fix.

Rhys and Harry wouldn’t be a good couple

Harry’s due back on Wednesday to say goodbye, and collect his things. So Fallon is planning him a farewell party.

[Rhys] “You see, that’s why he and I could never be an item, apart from one or two other factors …”

[Fallon] “Like, you not being gay, you mean?”

[Rhys] “Thing is, he’s a lark and I’m a night owl. Being a bar man suits my body clock.”

Fair enough.

Tug Fowler

Is who Fallon wants to pay a small fortune to come and do a comedy set at The Bull.

Seems he’s an up and coming comedian Fallon and Kirsty saw at The Fringe. Fallon thinks he’d be perfect for The Bull.

Rhys reckons not so. After all, Fallon and Kirsty saw this comedian at midnight, after a few drinks.

[Rhys] “Later night on the Edinburgh Fringe, it’s a bit different from The Bull in Ambridge.”

[Fallon] “You know your trouble Rhys, you’re just happy just coasting along, I wanna push things forward”

[Rhys] “Yeah fair enough, push things forward, but you don’t want them falling over a cliff.”

Blimey, Fallon really is in a bad mood.

But Rhys isn’t helping.

What would he have to lose if Fallon gave something new a go?

Darrell dobs in Matt

When Darrell gets to Arthur and Joyce’s, it’s chaos.

The cupboard is flooded, so they’ve tried to save their things out of it, and dry them on the radiators. That includes photos. Letters from Arthur to Joyce when he was in the navy. And the stamp album Arthur was showing to Darrell the other day.

[Arthur] “Even out the heating on, in August, I ask you …”

But, the radiators are not warming up. Which gave Darrell a clue (not that he needed it. He’d set it up in the first place …)

The central heating pipe had split under one of the floorboards upstairs. Darrell fixes it within minutes.

[Arthur] “On a bank holiday too, I hope you get double bubble for that!”

Darrell can’t say sorry enough about all of their ruined things. And so he should. They Arthur and Joyce don’t know it, Darrell made this happen. On Matt’s say so.

As Darrell is leaving, Lilian calls.

[Lilian] “So, how did that happen then, you’re not going to tell me it was metal fatigue!”

Darrell reckons it was because the floorboard was loose, so was stressing the join as folks walked over it.

Lilian still isn’t convinced. She knows there’s something odd … especially considering she knows Matt wanted Arthur and Joyce out of that house.

[Darrell] “Well, it was, you know, all part of the job … that Matt had me doing there.”

[Lilian] “Oh, was it!”


Matt’s in trouble …

Shula has a Funday … the Tuckers not so: Sun 26.08.12

The Archers Sunday 26th August 2012
  • The lady ain’t for gardening
  • Shula’s Funday
  • Still laughing at the Grundys
  • Don’t get between a man and his dairy magazines
  • Elizabeth expects Lilly to think she’s better?
  • I still think Alistair can help with Reg and Bunty

The lady ain’t for gardening
Mike’s been flicking through the Flower & Produce Show schedule. He wondered aloud to Vicky about whether she’s going to enter anything, considering she enjoyed it so much last year.

(*sigh* Mike seems to have lost all his tact)

[Vicky] “It hasn’t even crossed my mind, and I certainly amn’t going to be doing any gardening.”

Shula’s Funday

Was, obviously, horse related.

Elizabeth and the Twins certainly had a grand time.

They both took part in the racing games.

[Freddie] “I like the way the fences go higher every round.”

Abbie and Phoebe were also there, though Roy is cautious about Abbie seeming to get more and more Roy into horses. That would be too expensive a hobby.

Still laughing at the Grundys

[Roy] “And I can assure you it is pork, not wild boar … I hear the Grundy’s are overdosing on it a bit, eating it every meal.”

[Mike] “Oh yeah, you don’t want to get Joe Grundy on the results, I can tell you that.”


Don’t get between a man and his dairy magazines

During Sunday lunch, Roy and Hayley are caught between Mike and Vicky

Vicky wants to start buying more baby stuff.

[Mike] “Oh Vicky, surely not yet!”

Mike claims he just meant that they have months and months to go, but what he really meant was they don’t know the results of the tests yet … so they don’t know what their decision would be ‘if’ … and that means there’s no point having baby clothes. Yet.

Vicky then starts talking about clearing out their spare room (which is would seem Mike sees as his study, where he goes to stew). She seems to suggest Mike’s diary magazines are just rubbish …

[Mike] “Why do you have to go at it like a bull at a gate?”

[Hayley, sounding very uncomfortable] “It’s the nesting instinct …Forces of nature, they can be difficult to deal with.”

After Vicky and Mike leave (obviously to continue their argument, finally in private)

[Hayley] “Wasn’t exactly a perfect Sunday dinner, was it?”

[Roy] “It was a bit …”

[Hayley] “Awkward.”

[Roy] “A baby, it’s a huge think to come to terms with, especially at their age of life, especially dad …”

Elizabeth expects Lilly to think she’s better?
Sounded like it.

Almost as if Elizabeth also thinks Lilly is better …

At Sheila’s Funday:

[Lilly] “Freddie’s a natural.”

[Elizabeth] “Very generous of you to say so.”


What an odd way to talk to a child.

But then again, it is Elizabeth.

I still think Alistair can help with Reg and Bunty

Shula still has to go over to Reg and Bunty’s house every week. Bunty is better, but they still need help.

[Shula] “And I can’t ask Alistair to do anything, my first husband’s parents.”

Well, I don’t see why not.

It’s not as if Mark is around to be an alternative to Alistair for Shula.

Alistair seems to cope with Mark and Shula’s son in his life quite nicely.

Anyhoo – Shula wants Reg and Bunty to move into somewhere more “appropriate”.

[Shula] “They get so defensive. It’s like I’m farming them out to a home.”

[Elizabeth] “It makes me realise how lucky we were with Julia.”

Which, Elizabeth says herself, is something she never thought she’d say outloud!

As much work as Julia was, at least she was independent and healthy. Until she died.

Reg and Bunty, on the other hand, can only get worse until a solution is found.

Vicky has her amniocentesis: Fri 24.08.12

The Archers Friday 24th August 2012
  • Vicky’s prepared
  • Fallon’s lost her sense of humour
  • Will one of Arthur’s stamps be worth millions?
  • Money’s not a modern day obsession
  • Fallon’s jealous of Alice
  • Matt’s playing the hard man again
Vicky’s prepared

She’s taking snacks, magazines and a thermos to the hospital in case she and Mike have to wait around for her test.

Poor Vicky.

She’s just keeping herself busy.

When they get there, though Vicky has to lie down, she doesn’t even need to be numbed. They tell her it’ll just be like another scan, but with them also taking a bit of fluid.

[Mike] “It's all in a  day’s work, eh?”

(I can see what Mike is trying to do to reassure Vicky, but it’s just not the right way to do it!)

The test went fine. But

[Vicky] “It's not over yet Mike”

She’ll have to be careful for the next few days. And they won’t know the results for at least 4 or 5 days.

[Mike] “There's every chance it will be fine”

Here’s hoping.

Fallon’s lost her sense of humour

[Rhys] “You've got to laugh.”

[Fallon] “Do you?”

Seems Harry leaving Ambridge has dropped Fallon in a bit of an angry depression.

She can’t even see the funny side of Eddie being made a fool of on local radio.

Eddie’s in for a pint, but has had to go into the Ploughman’s side as Bert’s doing an impression of the Beast, and Jazzer is doing Nessie.

Even Rhys wants in:

[Rhys] “If Jazzer can have his local ness monster, why can’t I have my welsh dragon?”

Fallon is not amused.

[Rhys] “He's only got himself to blame, if he wasn’t such a scam merchant.”

[Fallon] “Humiliating people on the radio, just to get a quick laugh …”

But not to worry Fallon – seems you’ll get to see Harry at least one last time when he visits next week:

[Rhys] “The runaway milkman, he's still alive then ... that didn’t last long!”

(it is only just a visit. Actually, not sure if that’d actually be a good or a bad thing for Fallon)

Will one of Arthur’s stamps be worth millions?

Arthur is showing Darrell his stamp collection.

I know nothing of philately, so though he has stamps from Queen Victoria’s time, and a 10p purple and red, they could just be nice things to look at.

Or worth a few bob … that would solve a few problems if Arthur and Joyce could actually buy their house off of Matt.

Though seems Joyce isn’t a fan of Arthur’s hobby. She thinks it isn’t healthy.

[Arthur] “ … stamp collecting's for sad old geezers with no life ... so I told her I was going to take up train spotting!”

Money’s not a modern day obsession

Arthur was telling Darrell that he’s a good lad with good morals.

[Arthur] “Some lads these days don’t though what they need and what they want.”

Well, that’s hardly a new thing, is it Arthur?

But well-timed comment, I suppose.

Darrell is just about to create havoc for you and Joyce, just for money.

(though I Darrell could grow a pair and tell his wife and daughters they can’t always get what they want, he wouldn’t be in this situation)

Fallon’s jealous of Alice

Even though Alice is unemployed.

[Fallon] “It's hard on her, but I wish I had some of her problems.”

Seems owning your own house, having a degree and being married to a “hunky farrier” is better than having a job.

(actually, she might have a point…)

Matt’s playing the hard man again

[Matt] “When I get back, I expect to see some results, or I will be very disappointed.”

He’s getting very repetitive.

Men only bread competition: Thurs 23.08.12

The Archers Thursday 23rd August 2012
  • Ruth wants a party
  • It’s nearly Flower & Produce Show time!
  • The village shop has a scanner
  • Brookfield cows are soon to go in
  • Ruth doesn’t harass Adam
  • Funday at Shula’s
  • Matt needs cash

Ruth wants a party

[Ruth] “David, I’ve been thinking, we could have some people round some time. A party.”

Steady on Ruth!

She’s full of the joys that they can all get back to normal at Brookfield. The rest of the gang are up in court today.

And, Ruth reasons, that if they can have a party over a new slurry tank (which they did), they can surely celebrate this.

Later on that day, they hear the gang have all plead guilty.

Which means there won’t be a full trial, so David won’t have to be a witness.

[David] “It looks like it’s finally all over love … so, what about this tea party, eh?”

Ah David, David, David.

I don’t think only tea and cake was what Ruth had in mind.

It’s nearly Flower & Produce Show time!

Hurrah! (I hear you cry)

This year, there’ll be a bread category – for men only.

I’ve no idea why.

Nobody said.

The village shop has a scanner

How very modern indeed.

Though it’s a bit dangerous in the wrong hands.

Vicky scanned Brenda’s beans twice.

The horror.

(sorry – it was a slow day)

Brookfield cows are soon to go in

Only another month or 6 weeks to go.

Why nobody sees it’s a tad hypocritical for Brookfield to now keep its cows on for longer, but harass Brian over the Super Dairy, I don’t know.

Ruth doesn’t harass Adam

[Adam] “I suppose I better start getting my head round this whole dairy business.”

Adam’s telling Ruth that he now has to fill five silage clamps, 20,000 tonnes of it.

Ruth doesn’t blink. Though she’s firmly against the Super Dairy, she knows Adam really didn’t have a choice.

And if it hadn’t been Adam, Brian would have got someone else in anyway.

Funday at Shula’s

[Ruth] “Horsey games, Freddie’s been getting quite excited about it.”

Matt needs cash

Or so he claims.

[Matt] “I’ll let you into a little secret, currently we have a cashflow problem, a serious one.”

Either Matt’s telling the truth, so that Darrell understands why he’s so keen to get the Walters moved.

Or, he just wants Darrell to do as he’s told.

Anyhoo, Matt reckons that he needs the money ready, rather than tied up in bricks and mortar.

[Matt] “I want to see some action, something a little bit extra … even if you have to intervene a bit …”

Darrell’s going to buckle under the pressure.

Not only does his family need him to keep his work with Matt, but now Matt’s fortune depends on him.

Looks like the Walters will be moving …

Jamie’s not on Sid’s memorial headstone?: Thurs 23.08.12

Ambridge Extra Thursday 23rd August 2012
  • Lucy’s as unpleasant as Sid was
  • Lance can’t come sailing … then he can
  • Hello Sid

Lucy’s as unpleasant as Sid was

Jolene’s arrived at Lucy’s after a very long trip indeed.

[Jolene] “Don’t think I’ve ever spent so long on a coach.”

Lucy couldn’t care less. All she heard was that Jolene couldn’t afford to fly, which means The Bull can’t be doing very well. Which makes Lucy gloat.

She’s also put Jolene in the same room that she’s last shared with Sid (before he died, obviously). She’s also, very helpfully, left a photo of Sid in there.

[Lucy] “I thought you’d like to be reminded of him, before you see the memorial tomorrow.”

Lucy then went on to hint that it was Jolene’s fault Sid’s heart gave out. She was too young for him.

And she only offers tea when Jolene asked for coffee. Then made Jolene feel fat for asking for sugar.

What a witch!

On Kenton …

[Lucy] “He didn’t come over with Kathy did he, when dad died … I can’t help thinking, if it had been dad, I can’t imagine him not giving support when it was needed for his partner …”

She really is Sid’s daughter …

Lance can’t come sailing … then he can

Lance is back at Mel’s.

[Lance] “Just as well, someone’s got to teach this pom how to play cricket!”

Kenton then asks Meriel if she wants to go sailing for a week. Though Mel is at first angry he didn’t ask her first, she agrees. And, perfect to Kenton’s plan, Aidan can’t go as he’d be away from their business for too long.

Lance also invites himself.

Kenton says no, as it’s meant to be just a family trip.

When Jolene gets back from Lucy’s (incredibly quickly considering the distance – one moment there, next moment here!), Kenton’s again ignoring her. It took Lance to get her wine, cook her a lovely steak, and flirt with her …

Lance tells her that when they go sailing, Kenton and Mel will be too busy to talk to her. Seems Kenton and Mel are quite a team when it comes to sailing a boat.

So, sensing she’ll have even more of a rubbish time that she thought, Jolene invites Lance.

Kenton can’t really argue about that.

Which one do we reckon is going to be pushed overboard?

Hello Sid

Lucy takes Jolene to see Sid’s memorial.

[Lucy] “No offence, but I;m still not really sure why you want to, it’s not where his ashes are scattered … I come her a lot. It’s all I’ve got.”

(pick, pick)

Odd this is that when Jolene read out the headstone, it mentioned Lucy and her kids, and Jolene, but no Jamie.

That’s a drama waiting to happen …

Anyhoo, Jolene only gets to say a quick hello and goodbye.

[Jolene] “I miss you, rest in peace my darling.”

Lucy drags her off again as it’s raining.

[Lucy] “I think it’s quite remarkable how you’ve been able to move on so quickly, it must be quite a comfort … a guy like Kenton, he must be such a distraction … not for the long haul, but a laugh while it lasts”


Eddie’s publically humiliated on radio: Wed 22.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 22nd August 2012
  • Was local radio ever this vindictive?
  • Joe’s keeping an eye on Kathy
  • Rosa’s stalking pays off
  • Kathy wants a better match for Jamie
  • The Loch Ness monster is too much for Eddie
  • Jamie listens to AND agrees with Kathy

Was local radio ever this vindictive?

Eddie’s been asked to do an interview with Radio Borchester’s Wayne Folley about the Ambridge beast.

[Joe] “I’d watch out if I was you … that Wayne Folley … why he’s so keen to do this interview … he’s very clever Eddie, I wouldn’t trust him.”

I’m with Joe. Wayne didn’t exactly help Bridge Farm when he edited down his interview with Pat …

But Eddie reckons it’ll be fine. Wayne just knows a ‘good story’ . And it’ll be superb publicity for Eddie’s statues.

[Eddie] “Don’t you worry dad, I know how to handle the media.”

When Eddie gets to the radio station:

[Wayne] “Forget about the studio, just pretend we’re chatting over a jar, in that wonderful local of yours.”

Wayne asks Eddie to describe the beast.

Big eyes, big sharp teeth, hairy …

[Eddie] “It’s hard to describe on the radio, if you really want to know what it looks like, have a look on one of my statues …”

Seems they’re on special this week …

[Eddie] “I look on it at educating the public, like natural history, you know.”

[Wayne, looking at photos of Eddie statues] “It’s a curious creature … Looks to me almost like two or three animals put together …”

Wayne also has photos of Eddie’s other statues. It would seem the Beast is very similar to what it would look like if Eddie has put together his pig, rabbit and dog.

[Wayne] “Isn’t that a bit of an odd coincidence … come on Eddie, isn’t it true you’re pulling a fast one …We’ve all had a laugh, now why not take this chance to come clean … tell the good folk of Ambridge they’ve nothing to fear, that it’s safe to go back into the woods.”


Our local radio just cover flower and produce shows, school plays, amateur dramatic productions and the occasional piece about potholes!

Joe’s keeping an eye on Kathy

[Joe] “Kathy Perks was vacant this morning, thought perhaps I’d just drop in.”

That’s nice of Joe.

And no ulterior motive. Just being a good chap.

Rosa’s stalking pays off

Jamie calls Rosa, after she’s left a number of messages and been round to his house.

[Rosa] “Ah well, I didn’t want to crowd you, I was just worried.”

Jamie seems to appreciate the attention, and arranges to meet her down by the river.

Seems Jamie’s been leaving messages and texts for Natalie, but she’s not answering.

Rosa says she’s text Natalie as well, to let her know that she and Jamie really hadn’t been doing anything. But she still feels guilty.

[Rosa] “I mean, if we hadn’t been messing around …”

But Jamie thinks it would have happened anyway. Natalie was “high” that night as she was drunk, and had got such good results.

[Jamie] “It was all getting too intense anyway … I reckon we could both do with some time out. No ties, no complications, I’d be free to hang out with whoever I like.”

On not getting good enough results:

[Rosa] “It’s okay for people like Nat, and all those nerdy kids who do essays …Who needs them, I can still be rich and famous, and I can still be happy, can’t I?”

Well, yes. And no.

But it’s certainly not what Kathy will want for her previous one.

Kathy wants a better match for Jamie

Kathy’s talking to Joe about Jamie splitting up with Natalie.

She’s a bit sad about it. Natalie was a nice girl, with good grades …

[Kathy] “Whereas Rosa, I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice girl, lively, sociable … you’d hardly call her academic … which is absolutely fine, of course, absolutely no reason why not, it’s just, now Jamie’s saying he won’t be going back to college … she’s bound to be sending him all the wrong messages.”

The Loch Ness monster is too much for Eddie

When Eddie gets home, Joe can’t stop laughing at him.

[Eddie] “It was a setup, that Wayne was out to get me from the start!”

[Joe] “We all heard it Eddie, shame it was a pack of lies … you just don’t know when you stop … you walked right into that one.”

[Eddie] “I;m going down to the shed. I need a drink.”

After a few ciders, Eddie’s back to get laughed at again by Joe.

[Eddie] “Stuff Wayne Folley and his rubbish show. Why should I worry, nobody listens to it anyway!”

But they do.

Joe’s taken one call for a refund. And:

[Joe] “It was from the local ness monster, honest it sounded like the real thing to me, big and fierce and a Scottish accent an all. Asking if he and the beast could meet up for a drink!”

[Eddie] “That’s Jazzer. Oh I’m done for now, I’m finished, I can never show my face in the village again!”

As usual Eddie, it serves you right.

Jamie listens to AND agrees with Kathy


[Kathy] “If we don’t talk about important things, what am I here for?”

[Jamie] “Things that are important to you aren’t always the same for me.”

Though it sounded like Kathy and Jamie were about to have one of their arguments, it was all very calm and sensible.

They both must be growing up a bit …

Jamie doesn’t see the point in further education. He’ll end up with a student loan, and it won’t guarantee him a job.

[Jamie] “I don’t need it, I’ve got better things to do with my life.”

But Kathy reasons that the job market might get tougher and tougher, so Jamie should get every advantage.

[Kathy] “Do you really want to be in your mid 20s and still be doing causal labour … it may seem like the easy option.”

And then Jamie agreed.

Just like that.

He’s going back to College.

That was easy!

Ifty didn’t fancy Tracey because of Keith: Tues 21.08.12

(aye, right then!)

The Archers Tuesday 21st August 2012

  • Susan won’t go to court
  • Kathy wishes she had Jamie’s social life
  • Tracey really is demented
  • Sick cows will be the ruin of Emma and Ed
  • Rosa’s on a boy hunt
  • Brookfield’s back to ‘normal’

Susan won’t go to court

Keith was up at the magistrates today.

[Emma] “I don’t know what will happen, and I can’t say I’m bothered.”

Susan says she can’t (won’t) go.

[Tracey] “You really don’t care don’t you. Never mind he’s your bother, never mind that he risked his skin to grass up his mates.”

[Susan] “So he could try and get off with a lighter sentence!”

[Tracey] “So that he could try and get some kind of justice. He did the right thing in the end.”

[Susan] “You know where I stand … I;m not coming.”

[Tracey] “When he’s lucky one of us still knows the meaning of family loyalty.”

Even when it’s misplaced, eh Tracey?

And I’m not remotely surprised Susan won’t go.

Aside from Keith having been a very bad lad, court must also bring back painful memories of her own incarceration …

When Tracey later crosses paths with Emma:

[Tracey] “You! I’ve got nothing to say to you. This is all your fault, I hope you’re satisfied.”


Anyhoo, Keith is committed for trial at the Crown Court. Though he’s been bailed, he can’t go anywhere near Ambridge.

Kathy wishes she had Jamie’s social life


I couldn’t imagine anything worse.

Kathy really needs to get out more (and with folks of her own generation).

Tracey really is demented

She thinks that she’s sacrificed her future happiness with Ifty by standing up for bother Keith.

[Tracey] “Ifty … me and Ifty. It’s finished. It’s all over between us.”

[Susan] “Tracey what are you on about? … what do you mean all over, nothing’s happened? … I knew you were after him of course, you made that pretty obvious …”

[Tracey] “My big chance. For once in my life I’d met a nice decent bloke, and now it’s finished. All because of Keith.”

[Susan] “Hold on, are you telling me, you and   him … did he even go out   with you? No he didn’t!”

[Tracey] “I reckon Ifty won’t have nothing to do with me cause my brother’s a crook … can’t see why else …”

[Susan, starting to lose her common sense when she thinks someone is demeaning her family] “He thinks your family isn’t good enough for him! … Well I;m sorry, but I can’t say I;m too surprised.”

[Tracey] “Yeah, you must he happy now, you never liked him from the start.”

[Susan] “Just leave it Tracey.”

What a strange, stranger family.

Sick cows will be the ruin of Emma and Ed

The vet bills are crippling Ed and Emma. It couldn’t have come at a worse time, what with milk prices.

[Emma] “I don’t know how we’re going to manage mum. Mike’s not giving us much for our milk.”

They had to cancel George going on a school trip as they couldn’t afford it. And Keira needs new shoes, which is also well beyond their means.

Susan brings them round some chicken pies, and wants to take Emma out shopping Saturday morning and to buy Keira’s shoes for them.

[Susan] “I feel like I owe you, after everything.”

Rosa’s on a boy hunt

She really, really does like Jamie.

Rosa calls and leaves him a voice message. She says she’s been thinking about his since the party.

[Rosa] “Be nice to meet up again sometime?”

She then goes round to see if Jamie is home. But it’s only Kathy.

Rosa tells Kathy that Jamie’s split up with Natalie (Kathy didn’t know), and what Jamie had told her was his exams results (better than he actually got, which Kathy didn’t know. She knew the real results).

Not sure if Rosa was stirring, or genuinely didn’t realise she was dropping Jamie in it.

But she then dropped herself in it by telling Kathy that she’s told Jamie exams don’t matter.

Kathy didn’t appreciate that. Maybe Rosa’s scooter won’t be enough to make her decent daughter-in-law material after all.

Brookfield’s back to ‘normal’

[Ruth] “Job satisfaction all round … nice to get back to some real old fashioned farming again. Calving, the weather …”

She’s talking to Emma about the relief that it would seem the gang nightmare is over.

[Ruth] “We won’t forget what you did for us, or what it’s cost you.”

Ach well. Emma doesn’t need aunts and uncles like Tracey and Keith in her life, I reckon.

Friday, 24 August 2012

A Lance from Kenton’s past: Tues 21.08.12

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 21st August 2012
  • Kenton ruined Jolene’s Rotorua brochure
  • Jolene has doubts about Kenton?
  • Kenton’s thoughtlessness continues
  • What about Sid?
  • I though Crowded House were Australian
  • Blow the Man Down is rude!
  • Lance sounds dodgy …
  • At least one person notices Jolene

Kenton ruined Jolene’s Rotorua brochure

Not intentionally, but was a bit thoughtless of him to lie on it. Jolene wanted to keep it as a souvenir.

Jolene has doubts about Kenton?

Jolene’s talk with Mel – how Kenton left her penniless with a baby – is seemingly making her have second thoughts about Kenton,.

[Jolene] “Well, you think you know someone …”

[Kenton] “It was all different back then. It was all very complicated.”

Kenton’s thoughtlessness continues

Kenton wants to go out on the boat trip for a whole week rather than a few days.

Despite Jolene not being keen.

It’ll cost an extra £800 or £900. Which they don’t really have.

He even asked if Jolene would pay it …

And it’d mean Meriel having to take a whole week of school.

It is all about Meriel. Kenton feels that he’s losing her to Aiden. All the activities they done so far:

[Kenton] “They’re all Aiden sort of things … and he’s good at them.”

[Jolene] “So you’re trying to freeze him out.”

[Kenton] “I just want to do some proper bonding with my daughter.”

Aye, and who cares what Kenton’s (rather new) lady friend wants to do on their holiday!

What about Sid?

Kenton’s extension to the boat trip is right when Jolene was to go to Napier to see Lucy, and visit Sid’ memorial.

[Kenton] “Well maybe you could reschedule … I could come with you, if you want?”

[Jolene] “Oh don’t bother. You’ve obviously plenty to do here!”

Honestly Kenton!

A bit of tact, and care for Jolene’s feelings, wouldn’t go amiss right now.

Though Jolene manages to change when she’ll go visit Lucy, Lucy’s none too amused at the change.

I though Crowded House were Australian

So was wondering why they were being played as a musical interlude.

On checking, seems they’re both Australian and New Zealand.

Well, there we have it.

Blow the Man Down is rude!

And there’s another thing I didn’t know.

Lance sounds dodgy …

Lance turns up at Mel’s house. Unannounced. And he’s never visited before.

Seems Lance was a business partner of Mel and Kenton’s back in Australia. They’d bought a yacht, which they used to takes folks on day trips and the like to the Great Barrier Reef.

[Meriel] “Why did you stop?”

[Kenton] “Erm …”

[Lance] “Well we had good times while it lasted …Who’d have though Kenton would be here to like the ghost of Christmas past!”

[Kenton] “That’s cause ‘I’ve got family here.”

Sounds like Kenton’s none too pleased to see Lance.

And neither he nor Mel believe Lance showing up just when Kenton happened to be there is a coincidence.

At least one person notices Jolene

Shame she’s on the other side of the world.

Between Meriel, Lance and the boat trip, Jolene is being ignored.

So while Kenton, Lance and Mel have a grand old time reliving old stories, Jolene calls home.

Fallon tells her all’s well. That Rhys has been great (she also agrees he's a “nice lad” … romance in the offing? Fallon surely has to put some distance between her and her night of passion with Jazzer!).

Jolene tells her they visited a Maori village and ate food cooked on rocks.

And they went to an Argentinian restaurant.

[Jolene] “You’ve never seen so much beef on a plate … even when Kenton kept making jokes about the Falklands …”

[Fallon, very sarcastically] “He’s a scream, isn’t he …”


I don’t think Kenton will be staying at The Bull when they get home.

Vicky and Mike agree to test: Mon 20.08.12

The Archers Monday 20th August 2012
  • When is a bath a kitchen sink?
  • Vicky can see thumbs
  • Would you gamble on not being 1%?
  • Matt’s not a nice man

When is a bath a kitchen sink?

At Joyce and Arthur’s, because Darrell’s pulled their one apart.

[Joyce] “It’s not been easy, Arthur got cross because I’ve been doing the washing up the bathroom, he found a fork in his bath water, so I said to him make sure you give it a good rinse before you put it back again!”

[Darrell] “I bet he got a wet flannel for that.”

But not to panic. He’s got it fixed again.

Vicky can see thumbs

And a little hand.

And the baby sucking its mouth.

They’ve had their scan, and Vicky reckons the baby has grown (well … that is the idea …).

Mike can only grunt about the quality of the scan picture.

[Mike] “It’s an, um, good picture yeah, it came out good and clear.”

He then tells her to put it away in her handbag.

I really can’t work out if he’s embarrassed, or just doesn’t want to think about the baby in case they have to make a rather difficult decision …

Would you gamble on not being 1%?

The midwife tells Mike and Vicky more about the amniocentesis test.
The test takes skin cells from the fluid around the baby, then they grow them in the lab to check for Down ’s syndrome.

But, the test carries a risk of causing miscarriage.

A 1% risk.

Which Mike sees it as routine. But Vicky sees as one woman in a hundred losing her baby.

[Mike] “Only a few, though.”

[Vicky] “But it still happens. I don’t think I can do it Mike.”

The midwife stresses that though they have to think carefully about what to do, they also are running out of time. Vicky is now 20 weeks pregnant. They have 4 weeks until they can terminate (if that was there decision, if the test results showed anything).

Mike asks the midwife how late they can leave the test.

Vicky starts crying.

[Mike] “Come on love, it’s just like we said, getting the facts.”

[Vicky] “How could you do it Mike … are you sure you haven’t made up your mind already!”

[Mike] “You really think I want us, to have …”

Mike doesn’t want to automatically terminate if the tests show the baby does have Down ’s syndrome. He just doesn’t want to:

[Mike] “ … rule anything out at this stage … we’ve got to be sensible about this. Responsible.”

[Vicky] “What do you mean responsible?”

Mike reckons having a baby is a big change to their lives.

[Mike] “Even more so if, well, you know .,.. we gotta go into it with our eyes open, and that means all the facts.”

Actually, Mike’s quite right.

And does sound like he hasn’t made up an opinion about anything.

He also tells Vicky that he does want her to have the test, but that he’d support her if she decided not to. He’ll support it, no matter what.

[Vicky] “And if I do, and it’s positive, what happens then?”

[Mike] “Well, well at least we’d know, we’d have a chance to prepare ourselves … what I find so hard … is all this uncertainty. I need to know the facts.”

Later on:

[Vicky] “If I’m honest there’s a part of me that feels the same. I know it’s what you Mike, so, I’ll do it.”

Matt’s not a nice man

Darrell is a nice man.

He’s nice to Joyce and Arthur, including having the decent to feel guilty when Joyce feeds him cake.

Sounds like lovely cake.

But Darrell knows that he has to choose between being fair to Joyce and Arthur, or bringing home the bread for his family.

(well, not actually the case, but that’s how Darrell sees it)

Joyce then talks about Elona. Seems Joyce was in The Laurels for a bit, and remembers how lovely Elona was. She reckons Darrell’s just the same – so kind and patient.

But Matt calls.

He wants Darrell to handle an ‘emergency’. One of the tenants has had their flat broken into, so needs a new door fitted.

Darrell argues with Matt (brave chap!). He’s just ripped up floorboards at Joyce and Arthur’s. he doesn’t want to leave them in that sort of mess.

But Matt’s not listening.

He reckons this other tenant is a “one man tenant association”, so Darrell better fix some other problems while he’s there. It’ll only take him a day or two.

[Darrell] “I can’t go off and leave them now. It wouldn’t be playing fair, would it?”

[Matt] “Just do it!”

Well, I wouldn’t argue with Matt …

Adam wants to get put more: Sun 19.08.12

The Archers Sunday 19th August 2012
  • Adam’s acting guilty
  • Mike doesn’t want chocolate chip, or to talk
  • Football supporters descend on The Bull
  • Ian prefers home to clubbing
  • Fallon’s the brains, Rhys pulls the pints

Adam’s acting guilty

Adam’s bought Ian an orchard.

[Adam] “Not too rainforest for you? … I’ve a man in Peru who ships them over.”

[Ian] “Very romantic.”

And what’s more, Adam’s booked them dinner at Milo’s (the restaurant Ian had booked for Adam’s birthday, but Adam was too tired to go). Ian’s perplexed at the sudden outpouring of niceness.

[Ian] “I’d love to but, why, what’s the special occasion? What have I done to deserve this?”

[Adam] “Do I need an excuse … let’s just say it’s for being with me … I’m not too proud of the way I’ve behaved … you kept me sane. I might have been on a plane to Nairobi …”


Adam knows that he’s behaved far, far worse than Ian realises.

Orchards and dinner won’t take away that guilt.

Mike doesn’t want chocolate chip, or to talk

The biscuits, because he was too busy to work.

After sorting the pulsator (whatever that is) for Ed, Mike’s so tired from work that he needs a nap. But, spotting that Vicky isn’t too chirpy at the moment, he suggests they go out to The Bull after he has his nap.
So, they go to the Bull.

Mike’s rabbiting on about everything but the decision they have to make.

Vicky tries to talk about the amniocentesis test. She’s been looking it up on the internet. Which is always a dangerous thing to do. She’s just confused herself even more.

[Mike] “Vicky love, maybe this isn’t the best time or place.”

[Vicky] “I know you’d rather not talk about it … but that won’t make it go away.”

Tomorrow, Mike says.

They’ll talk about tomorrow.

Football supporters descend on The Bull

Not really.

Rhys was just winding up Fallon.

The cad.

[Fallon] “I’m serious, you’ll go down in the cellar and you won’t come out!”

Ian prefers home to clubbing

Adam wants to have a social life

But not when it would involve socialising with the pickers.

[Adam] “No I see quite enough of the pickers at work, thanks all the same.”

Hmmm. Wonder why he’s so sure about that …

Anyhoo, Adam does want to go out more, but wants to go further than The Bull.

[Ian] “What, so go clubbing? Really? Are you sure you’re up to that?”

[Adam] “Are you suggesting I’m past it … I’m not saying we have to stoke ourselves with chemicals and stay out all night!”

[Ian] “Well, who wants to be 23 again.”

Ian then mentions Pavel.

He’s been thinking of him (not in ‘that’ way, or because he suspects anything), and about how he’s not committed to anything. Not tied down. Can do what he wants.

But Ian wouldn’t want to swap places.

[Ian] “What we’re got is so much better … All that stress and insecurity, one night stands and two day hangovers, who needs it … I am sounding very middle aged here, but I like our life the way it is. Sitting at home at night, watching DVDs, the garden, the hot tub, breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings …”

Fallon’s the brains, Rhys pulls the pints

Fallon is determined to keep the pub busy. She seems to be on a mission to prove she can successfully run it, while Jolene is away.

Rhys isn’t impressed. Fallon keeping the pub busy by putting on more and more entertainment is just making them having to work harder. He thinks The Bull us busy enough as it is.

[Fallon, taking the Michael out of Rhys] “How to run a successful pub … you just put a sign outside saying pub, and wait for people to come pouring in!”

Rhys fights back. He tells Fallon that she doesn’t need to make an effort, as Jolene will be back enough soon to take care of it.

[Fallon] “Oh, so why should I worry my pretty little head about it.”

[Rhys, talking about all of the events] “I just don’t get it .”

[Fallon] “No, you wouldn’t, would you. That’s why I’m in charge and you’re a bar man. So no need to worry your head about it, you just keep serving the drinks and leave the rest to me.”


Saturday, 18 August 2012

Pavel wants more: Fri 17.08.12

The Archers Friday 17th August 2012
  • Jennifer’s American magnolia is dying
  • Mike’s not sure he wants to be a dad?
  • Pavel just wants to have fun

Jennifer’s American magnolia is dying

Just as she needs it to cover up Ruairi’s concrete ‘ dog’ statue.

It’s the day of the picker’s party, so she wants that dog hidden as much as possible.

[Jennifer] “It was helping to screen that wretched dog.”

[Adam] “Everyone’s seen it anyway, and know it’s not your bad taste, it’s Ruairi’s.”

But seemingly Charlotte’s mum is coming. Charlotte is a mate of Alice. Who I’ve never heard of before, but seemingly Alice must must must have there to comfort her over not getting a job she’d been going for. Can Charlotte can’t come if her mum doesn’t come, as she can’t get there otherwise.

(still with me? Very dull, I know).

Jennifer really doesn’t like Charlotte’s mother.

[Jennifer] “She’s such a  terrible social climber, she’d love the chance to sneer at my hideous garden statue.”

So Pavel and Adam move it. Jennifer thought they’d managed to smash it (huzzah!), but alas, it was just fine.

Mike’s not sure he wants to be a dad?

Well, he started out still wanting to be a dad this evening.

Proper full of the joys.

He even asked Vicky if it was okay if he had a beer, as she wouldn’t be able to have booze. They need to keep:

[Mike] “junior nice and fit and healthy.”

But after Vicky tells him of the risk and the tests, and the risks of the test. That they might (just might) have a baby with down’s syndrome.

[Mike] “I don’t know what to say.”

[Vicky] “We don’t know yet.”

[Mike] “How could you not ay. How could you keep it to yourself?”

Vicky tells him she was scared to say anything, but now he needs to know. And she can’t do it alone.

[Mike] “It was hard enough going to be a dad at my age, but now …”

This might get very difficult and tricky indeed.

Pavel just wants to have fun

Adam’s happy, so Ian is happy and Pavel is also happy.

If only Ian knew …

Ian and Pavel were having great japes trying to be Dog Guards (hiding the statue from Charlotte’s mum).

When Pavel managed to get Adam to himself:

[Pavel] “I think being around me is still hard for you …You and Ian have such a  great relationship, I don’t want to make any trouble for you.”

Adam apologies for dragging Pavel into this situation.

But Pavel didn’t sound like he was dragged, He says again he had a great time with Adam. That it was fun. That no one had got hurt.

[Pavel] “And if you want to … we all need to have a bit of fun sometimes, don’t we?”

Bunny boiler …

Adam and Jamie accept their fate (separately, of course): Thurs 16.08.12

The Archers Thursday 16th August 2012
  • Kathy’s on about Rosa again
  • Brian and Adam shake on it
  • The exam results ‘rave’
  • Jamie’s not going to Uni
  • Rosa finally gets her man …

Kathy’s on about Rosa again

Quite bizarre.

But at least this time she’s calling Rosa “cool” to her face.

Rosa’s new scooter really has turned Kathy’s head.


Kathy happens to mention that Natalie is having the exam results party.

At that, Rosa’s speeding off on her 50cc, at 30 miles an hour.

Brian and Adam shake on it

Brian tells Adam that he’s stopped the Farm Manager recruitment advert from going in again next week.

[Adam] “Okay, so …”

[Brian] “For now. And I’m really hoping I don’t have to again, but I'm still waiting for that commitment from you.”

And Brian wants that commitment before the pickers party at Home Farm.

[Brian] “Your mother’s putting so much love and care into the celebrations … it’s a family celebration to … this time a week ago, she was terrified you’d be leaving the farm going to goodness knows where … she’d be very upset if it unravel again.”

[Adam] “What more do you want of me, exactly … how about this, I'll stay on, and I’ll be fully committed to running the whole of the arable business, including supplying the dairy.”

It’s exactly what Brian needed to hear. And Adam sounds like he’s also convinced himself as well. He’s going all into this, as there’s no point being half hearted, and he’s promised not to moan.

[Adam] “I’ll do all I can to make to work for us, and that’s a promise.”

[Brian] “Thanks Adam, I know that can’t have been easy for you.”

And they shake on it. Adam keeps his job (at the price of his ethics), Brian gets his preferred Farm manager (at no extra cost at all!).

[Brian] “This may not always seem obvious to you, but keeping the family together means just as much to me as it does to your mother.”

Well, none of us really believe that one, Brian.

The exam results ‘rave’

(well, it was a party. Just that. A normal party. No rave intended …)

Natalie sounds tiddly from the off. She’s on the vodka. Well, she needs to celebrate. She got four As!

[Rosa] “She’s really going for it tonight isn’t she, I didn’t know she was such a party girl.”

Jamie’s not going to Uni

Jamie didn’t phone Kathy to tell her what he’d got. She had to leave a begging message.

He’d earlier told Rosa that he got one A, couple of B, and a C. Which he was worried about telling Kathy about. Those grades sounded fine to me.

But when Jamie gets home, he tells Kathy the truth. He got two Cs, a D and an E.

[Jamie] “They're rubbish grades, I totally mucked it.”

Kathy’s shocked, but manages to pull it together to say that at least he still has his A2s to do (whatever they are). He can still get to Uni.

[Jamie] “Uni? And end up with a 40 grand overdraft. Why?”

[Kathy] “You know why. To give yourself a decent start in life.”

But Jamie doesn’t agree. He’s not going to sit anymore exams. He’s not going back to College. And he’s most definitely not going to Uni.

Well, Mike is looking for a milkman …

Rosa finally gets her man …

Rosa crashes Natalie’s party, and makes a beeline for Jamie. She even gives him a go on her new scooter.

[Rosa] “If you’re really good, maybe I’ll give you another ride sometime.”

Rosa’s an odd one. She fancies Jamie, so she starts talking to him about his girlfriend:

[Rosa] “She’s got so much going for her. She’s cool, and she’s clever and she’s attractive. And she’s got you.”

Rosa than makes Jamie come up close to her so that she can ‘sort his hair’. It sounds like Rosa is just about to kiss him when Natalie catches sight …

[Natalie] “I saw you Jamie … shut up you tramp, what are you doing here anyway. It’s my party! … Don’t touch me, there’s nothing you can say to me now. I just want you to go away. Hear me, go on, now … we’re finished Jamie. It’s over.”


If that’s what Rosa wanted to happen, job done!

We’re eavesdropping New Zealand: Thurs 16.08.12

Ambridge Extra Thursday 16th August 2012
  • The budget for the secret microphones must be HUGE
  • Ah. They’re an “outdoors” family
  • Who is Lance
  • Kenton goes climbing
  • Mel’s odd about Kenton

The budget for the secret microphones must be HUGE

South Africa, Penrith (!) and now New Zealand. The placing of the secret microphones must be taking up a fair chuck of our licence fees.

Ah well.

At least Kate isn’t involved this time.

Ah. They’re an “outdoors” family

Kenton and Jolene arrive at Mel (Kenton’s ex-wife), Aiden (Mel’s now husband) and Meriel’s (Kenton and Mel’s daughter).

They both sound knackered, but Meriel wants to go climbing.

Seems they run, and live in, an outdoor activity centre:

[Mel] “Developing the potential of young people through outdoor adventures.”

 So there’s a heady choice of rock climbing, bouldering, abseiling and kayaking.

Jolene doesn’t sound at all keen … Meriel insists (sounding like quite a spoilt wee madam).

[Mel] “Why don’t I give Jolene the guided tour, and you can commune with the coal face.”

Who is Lance

Don’t know.

But he seems important to Mel and Kenton.

Kenton goes climbing

Bless him. Kenton’s trying very hard to be cool and confident for Meriel, but this really isn’t his thing anymore.

His toes are numb from the climbing shoes. And:

[Kenton] “Uh oh, the dreaded climbing harness, gets you in your tender parts as I recall, like some kind of medieval instrument of torture!”

Meriel’s only 11, but is very pushy and boastful. But then, so is Kenton. The two of them have a bit of a face off about who knows more about tying knots.

Anyhoo, Kenton gets climbing, laughed at by Meriel (cruel laughter, not nice laughter).

By the time Jolene and Mel hear his shout of fear, he’s dangling, unable to get himself down.

Aiden wants him to sort himself out, as seemingly a “novice climber” needs to save himself.

[Kenton] “He ain't a novice  climber. He’s  a rather overweight middle aged man who’s going to do himself an injury if you leave him swinging in the wind like that … just do it!”

On his way back down, Kenton bumps his nose.

[Jolene] “You’re an idiot.”

[Meriel] “So both look so funny, Jolene with her black eye and now you with your bashed up nose!”

Ah well.

Welcome to new Zealand!

Mel’s odd about Kenton

As Mel takes Jolene on their walk (sounded like more of a hike through “rugged terrain”, which Jolene had to ask to turn back from as it was too much for her):

[Mel] “You're really not an outdoors kinda person, so how come you’ve ended up with Kenton?”

[Jolene] “He runs a bar, so do I, his idea of outdoor fun these days is off-roading in a 4x4.”

Mel agrees it’s been a while since she remembers him being an active chap. And she mentions how he’s put on weight.


Mel’s then audibly shocked at how long Jolene and Kenton have been together. Considering they got together not very long after Sid died.

[Mel] “Sorry, that’s what Kenton always said about me, no discretion, rushing in where Angela's fear to tread.”

Aye, you sound like a right madam so fair. Just like Meriel.

Mel then tells Jolene about her and Kenton’s history:

[Mel] “To be fair, I did only marry Kenton so he wouldn’t get thrown out of the county, which let’s face it, is not the best recipe for a happy union …”

[Jolene] “You must have loved him a bit, to have a kid with him?”

[Mel] “Course I did. He can be so charming when he puts his mind to it.”

But, it all went wrong when Mel and Kenton’s business went wrong. Well, “nightmare” was the word Mel used. Which is the complete opposite of how her and Aiden’s business is doing. It’s booming. And Aiden:

[Mel] “sees it through to the end, he won’t jump ship.”

She then talks about how unreliable Kenton was. That he ran away. That he (by the way) also doesn't know how to set boundaries for Meriel. Whereas Aiden can do all this, and more.

Later on:

[Jolene] “It’s been worrying me, what you said earlier, about Aidan wouldn’t just ship, but Kenton … he told me you threw him out. Something to do with money?”

[Mel] “Our business was on the rocks, the bank was threatening to foreclose, so yes I threw him out. But I thought he’d stick around to help clear up the mess … told me he was popping down to Sydney for a couple of days … next thing I hear he’s in Ambridge.”

Which left Mel with the bailiffs knocking on the door, and a kid to bring up solo.

Or so Mel says …

Sounds like Mel hasn’t quite let go of the past as yet. She still sounds  a bit miffed at Kenton.

Vicky remembers there’s risks to late pregnancies: Wed 15.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 15th August 2012
  • Romance and heartbreak
  • The village Fete and Community Games raised a record amount
  • Arthur will be taken out in his coffin
  • What is it with raves?
  • It took Lynda to say “down’s syndrome”

Romance and heartbreak

[Vicky] “So you were there then, when it happened, when Harry and Grant were reunited … and how did you feel the next day when you saw them together again?”

[Fallon] “Surprised …”

Vicky thinks it’s ever so romantic, completely missing that Fallon might be ever so miffed that Harry had such varied tastes … just not her.

The village Fete and Community Games raised a record amount

Well done indeedy.

There’s even talk of making the Community Games an annual event, they were that popular. Fallon reckons Lynda will be most delighted about that:

[Fallon] “Now that you’ve got your medal to defend!”

Arthur will be taken out in his coffin

Darrell’s round at Joyce and Arthur’s (the Walters – the elderly couple Matt wants out of their home so that he can get more rent for it). After Rosa bought her scooter, he decided to go ahead and be part of Matt’s plan to scam Joyce and Arthur out of their house.

But he’s not having an easy time of it.

[Joyce] “Real ginger, not the powdered stuff, that’s what makes the difference.”

They’re feeding him cake.

[Joyce] “52 years and he still thinks he’s the boss!”

They’ve been married even such a long time. 40 years of which has been spent in this very home.

And they both have arthritis. She in her hip, he in his hands.

Just when Darrell is about to crack, and leave them be, Matt calls round.

[Matt] “So, quite a little tea party … you’re only making it hard for yourself … this place just isn’t suitable for Joyce and Arthur … it’s your jib to make them understand it too.”

When Darrell gets back to Joyce and Arthur:

[Darrell] “I’m sorry to say this, I’ve got some bad new to tell you.”

He says the damp has spread. He’ says he’ll have to rip apart the kitchen. He says they should move out, into that nice modern flat Matt suggested.

But no.

They say they’ll “make do”. They’ll use their camping stove, then do the dishes in their bathroom. They say their neighbours will rally round.

[Darrell] “Hold on, I know you’re fond of this place but, that’s only the half of it. It’s a renovation job.”

[Arthur] “When I move out of here, it’ll be feet first in my coffin!”

And they tell Darrell to do what he has to do, and not mind them.

Matt’s not going to be amused. Maybe he’s met his match.

What is it with raves?

That’s the second mention in a week.

No one has ‘raved’ since the early 90s. Apart from in Ambridge.

Seems Fallon and Rhys are getting a DJ and a band in.

[Lynda to Vicky] “Do you fancy a rave upstairs at the bull?”

Good god!

It took Lynda to say “down’s syndrome”

Vicky had a shock today.

She’d got a call about a test. I thought it was to say the baby wasn’t Mike’s …

… far more serious than that.

[Vicky] “I should have thought. I knew that there had to be a risk at my age … I just blanked it our … there’s a higher than usual probably of the baby, you know …”

[Lynda] “All it means is, according to the initial test, you’ve a slightly increased risk of having a baby with down’s syndrome … that’s still a  long way from a diagnosis, the chances are you’re worrying about nothing at all … you’ve got to be realistic of course, but you shouldn’t be jumping to any conclusions at this stage.”

[Vicky] “I’ve been so happy these last few days and now …”

[Lynda] “Now, nothing’s changed, the baby’s still inside you quite happy. It’s not worrying about any test results!”

But now Vicky’s worried about whether she should get more tests, and what he’ll say. But as Mike’s working, Lynda takes Vicky home to hers to have a proper talk.

With Vicky being 19 weeks:

[Vicky] “We’re come so far already.”

She tells Lynda she thinks she can hear the baby moving. Fluttering.

[Lynda, sounding wistful] “Ah, that must be so exciting for you.”

[Vicky] “I couldn't bear losing it now. Not for the sake of some test.”

It’s the amniocentesis test they’re talking about. Which carries a risk in itself, and could tell them perhaps more than they want to know.

Vicky doesn’t even want to tell Mike she has to decide whether to have the test.

[Vicky] “Well that’s why I’m worried Lynda, he’s been on such a high, I’m sure the possibility that we might have a baby with down’s has never crossed his mind.”

What a worry.

And if Vicky has the test, what will she do if it isn’t perfect news?

Friday, 17 August 2012

Ambridge: where bisexuality is as exciting as community games: Tues 14.08.12

The Archers Tuesday 14th August 2012
  • Ed can’t sleep for that sick cow
  • Emma helps Pip and her lamb
  • David and Ruth have time in bed
  • Jamie and Kathy return
  • They’re still gossiping about Harry
  • Party at Natalie’s
  • Emma even brings wire straighteners
  • Kathy prefers Rosa?

Ed can’t sleep for that sick cow

I was about to get all soppy over Ed being soppy, but turns out he’s just worried about the extra vet bills.

He’s already had to cut his prices, because Mike’s had to cut his prices.

And the cow is later confirmed to have Summer mastitis

[Ed] “It’s bad. She’s lost one quarter, could lose the calf.”

(I admit I have little to no idea what Ed’s on about, apart from the calf bit)

Ed reckons he and Emma would need to reign in their spending even further.

[Emma] “But, how? I’m doing everything I can. I don’t buy nothing we don’t need. I spend ages in the supermarket trying to find deals, and online.”

But the kids are growing, so there’s only so much she cannot have to buy.

(erm, go get a job Emma?)

Emma helps Pip and her lamb

Ed can’t sleep, Emma’s up anyway getting a glass of water. She then spots someone outside in Brookfield’s yard … but it’s only Pip.

[Ed] “As long as the barn’s not on fire again!”

Pip’s managing the farm while David and Ruth are on their (one night) holiday. Ed reckons he should go out and check on her, but Emma offers.


[Pip] “I woke up and heard one of the lambs making a fuss.”

It sounds like the lamb is in the orchard, which it shouldn’t be. It should be in the field with the rest of them (and its mum).

[Emma] “Is that torch working? Let’s go and have a look shall we?”

(double blimey!!)

[Pip] “I’m sorry, you must think I’m mad, getting up in the middle of the night.”

But she was right to check. The lamb had got through the fence, got itself twisted in the wire, and seems to have been in that state for a while. She blames herself for not having checked more careful earlier on.

Pip’s getting into a wee bit of a flap, so Emma steps in and temporarily sorts the fence so that no more can escape.

(triple blimey!!!)

David and Ruth have time in bed

David and Ruth wake up slowly and naturally. It’s almost 9am.

[David] “That must be close to your all time record!”

[Ruth] “I’ve been lying here thinking, there’s nothing I’ve got to do today.”

And with there being no stirring from Ben’s, Ruth sounds a bit fruity … she certainly doesn’t want David to call Pip to check she’s okay:

[Ruth] “Do you want to make me very, very cross … so put your phone down now, and come back to bed!”

Oh the horror!

Mind you, David and Ruth later turned up at Brookfield. They were due back after milking. So, Ruth did have stuff to do?

But let’s not split hairs.

Though it was only a night away, and they did have to do the milking later, David and Ruth had a “fab” time.

[Ruth] “Wonderful, fantastic, the best time ever!”

Jamie and Kathy return

It starts off well.

Jamie’s got some more work through Mike. This time clearing scrub up at Longwood.

Kathy says he’s just happy he’s out of bed before noon.

Then Kathy turns up at Jamie’s cricket match.

[Kathy] “That really, turned, did it?”

Kathy seems to irritate him by going on (and on) about how Rosa.

And tops it off with suggesting she could take him to College to get him exam results.

Jamie snaps at her. Just like old times.

He wants her to shut up about his exam results, and not come anywhere near his College.

Feeling nervous about the results, are we Jamie?

They’re still gossiping about Harry

[Kathy] “Still, it's filled a gap after the excitement of the community games … Susan was on overdrive, I’d love to have been a  fly on the wall when she found out … I feel a bit sad for Fallon though, didn’t she have a thing about Harry?”

Is there anything worse than pity?

Party at Natalie’s

For the exam results celebrations.

That’ll be the one Rosa was trying to find, to then crash.

On Natalie will be pleased about that.

Emma even brings wire straighteners

(quadruple blimey!!!!)

What on earth is wrong with Emma?

I can see why she helped Pip there and then in the night time, but she made a special trip back during the day to bring Pip some wire straighteners (Pip has no ken about where David would keep his).

And, she offered to come back later and lend a hand.

But wait … there’s more!

Emma had even put Keira to Susan’s so that she could be clear to help Pip.

Thinking of others. Even planning to think of others.

I’m deeply shocked!

[Pip] “That is one brilliant bit of fencing”

Well if this is the new Emma, I’m all for it!

Amazing what an uncle nearly burning your son to death can do.

Kathy prefers Rosa?

Kathy seems to be Rosa’s biggest fan.

She’s very impressed by Rosa buying her scooter, getting her training today, and mobile already.

[Kathy] “She doesn’t mess around, does she … they’ll be no stopping her now. She’ll be buzzing around all over the place!”

[Jamie] “Like a wasp, you mean.”

[Kathy] “Hey, she’s got style, and she looks good on that bike.”

Now, if I didn’t know Kathy, I would have thought she was being a bit letchy …

… maybe she’d prefer Rosa over Natalie to be her daughter-in-law (eventually).