- Joe can’t even be left alone in the loo
- Burgers? I never said burgers
- Jamie is “ain’t half bad with a chainsaw”
- Lynda prefers to talk fig rolls over periods
- Borrowing your son’s daughter’s cot
- The Cider Club demands a son!
- Free burger, as long as you buy the bun
Joe can’t even be left alone in the loo
Eddie’s hammering on the bathroom door.
[Joe] “Alright, alright. A man’s deserves a bit of peace on the throne!”
[Eddie] “We ain't got time for you to contemplate the universe.”
Actually, Joe’s not feeling too well.
Reckons it’s all the rich wild boar meat he’s been eating lately. He suggests to Eddie that they might want to eat more salad …
[Eddie] “You heard Clarrie, she ain’t wasting money down the supermarket while we still got a freezer full of wild boar to shift.”
[Joe] “I wish we’d just buried the damn animal.”
Clever Clarrie. Make them eat until they’re so sick of it, they’ll get rid.
So – though Eddie has no regrets (the wild boar led to the newspaper story which has sold him even more statues) – he does also want to get rid of that meat quickly.
So the plan is to sell the Cider Club (meeting tonight) wild boar burgers.
Burgers? I never said burgers
Claims Eddie when Clarrie catches him plotting with Joe.
[Eddie] “I told you, we’re not going to sell them. Anyway, we’ve been eating them for days and no problems.”
[Clarrie] “I’m serious. If you come back smelling of grease, there’ll be trouble.”
Jamie is “ain’t half bad with a chainsaw”
According to Mike.
Quite terrifying …
Lynda prefers to talk fig rolls over periods
Which is odd, as I thought she was rather open and frank when the topic was the menopause. She even told us far too much about her sex life with Robert.
Mike and Robert were off out to the Cider Club, so Vicky called Lynda to angle an invite round to hers.
[Lynda] “Then you can tell me your big news face to face.”
When Vicky gets there, she’s a bit taken aback that the Ambridge b gossip mill hasn’t got right round the village as yet.
[Lynda] “Honestly Vicky, I do my best not to engage in village gossip!”
When Vicky tells her she’s pregnant:
[Lynda] “Well, I don’t know what to say, it was the last thing I expected!”
And that’s when Vicky mentioned having missed her periods. Lynda interrupted with:
[Lynda] “Fig Roll!”
And rushed to get them onto a plate.
Huh?
Borrowing your son’s daughter’s cot
Roy’s trying to warn Mike about the cost of a baby (these days).
[Roy] “We’ve still got Abbie’s cot in the loft if you’d like to borrow it.”
[Mike] “It don’t seem quite right. Inheriting your granddaughters’ things. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.”
[Roy] “I don’t think there is a way it’s supposed to be these days.”
Roy asks Mike if he has any doubts.
[Mike] “If I'm honest Roy, I wasn’t that keen to have kids the first time round.”
[Roy] “Thanks very much!”
[Mike] “I wouldn’t do without you and Brenda now, but you know how it is … I were never exactly a hands on dad, was I? Left most of it to your mum. I’d like to do more this time, but now I’m an old man.”
[Roy] “Just listen. I know that you’re worried you’re not up to it, you’re still fighting fit and nowhere near to slowing down …”
True.
Couldn’t Mike just retire anyway and be the househusband?
The Cider Club demands a son!
[Eddie] “Aye aye, There you are you old dog … Mike Tucker still got lead in his pencil. Looks like we’ve got something to celebrate!”
Eddie’s on a roll:
[Eddie] “The stud o Ambridge. They’ll have your picture up in The Bull.”
[Joe] “He’s been taking them Niagara pills.”
(*snort*)
[Mike] “It’s good to laugh. I haven’t felt much like it for a while.”
Though Joe tries to sober him up:
[Joe] “You may not feel it right now Mike Tucker, but as the years go by they weight heaviers and heavier.”
Eddie then has a clever idea:
[Eddie] “We should make Baby Tucker an honorary member of the cider club, then he’s got to be a boy … men only ain’t it!”
[Roy] “But Lilian’s a member?”
[Eddie] “Oh, she don’t count”
(oh-ho! Bet you wouldn’t say that to Lilian’s face!)
[Eddie] “And to Mike for keeping his end up. May the fruit of his loins be just as vigorous.”
I really hope it’s a girl.
Free burger, as long as you buy the bun
As the Cider Club gather, Joe starts handing round the “free” burgers.
[Joe] “That’ll be three quid please.”
Seems the burger is indeed free. But one does have to purchase the bun.
But – foiled again (as usual) – Clarrie phones to tell Eddie of Pat’s investigation into the eating of roadkill.
[Clarrie] “You are not allowed to feed it to anyone … so you have been selling them burgers?”
[Eddie] “I weren’t lying. We’ve not been selling the burgers. We’ve been selling the buns.”
[Clarrie] “Do you think that after everything I've been through with the diary I’d even want to take the risk … so go get them burgers off them now!”
Eddie breaks the news to the Cider Club.
[Eddie] “Burgers are off, by order of her indoors.”
[Mike] “Well I guess we know who is boss!”
Ach well.
Looks like wild boar for tea in the Grundy household foe a long time to come.
2 comments:
Eddie should have replied to joe "We ain't got time for you to cotemplate uranus"
oh ho!
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