Friday, 17 August 2012

Kenton attacks Jolene with a drawer: Tues 14.08.12

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 14th August
  • So how was The Fringe?
  • Harry was hot, now he’s just gossip
  • Kenton sings Rod Stewart, badly
  • Jolene doesn’t want to go to New Zealand
  • I know the safe combination in Jaxx
  • Kenton’s lost his passport
  • Jazzer wants his feet under the table
  • Kenton attacks Jolene with a drawer
  • Kenton’s obsessed with social networking
  • Bon voyage!

So how was The Fringe?

Apart from:

[Jazzer] “Full of foreigners in fancy dress.”

And Fallon saying she’d seen a few good, but also a few rubbish, shows.

We’ll never really know.

And there was me thinking (and knowing) so much happens in Edinburgh this time of year.

Harry was hot, now he’s just gossip

Fallon arrived home to tell Jolene about Harry, rather than break the news beforehand.

[Fallon] “I didn’t want to spread gossip.”

[Jazzer] “Why not?”

[Fallon] “In case he changed his mind.”

[Jazzer] “Huh, that’s not going to happen!”

[Jolene] “But Harry, he's the last person you’d think … with a bloke … and he’s not coming back … there’s going to be a lot of disappointed women in Ambridge.”
What an epitah!

Kenton sings Rod Stewart, badly

‘I am sailing’, to be precise.

He’s all excited as he and Jolene are off the New Zealand in two hours.

And he’s booked a boat to sail on the last few days of their holiday.

[Kirsty] “It’s got to be 10 years since you last skippered anything bigger than a rowing boat!”

Kenton reckons it’s just like riding a bike.
Though Kirsty foresees problems with how interested an 11 year old lass will be in being stuck on a boat with her dad and step mum …

… do we also hear the cry of “overboard!” …?

Surely Jolene can’t only experience death in New Zealand?

Jolene doesn’t want to go to New Zealand

I’m really surprised it’s taken her until now to work that one out.

[Jolene] “I wish we were going somewhere else. I remember the last time …. It feels like it was yesterday.”

But she daren’t tell Kenton that she actually doesn’t want to go. He’s too excited about it:

[Jolene] “And it’s all to do with Sid … and the fact UI got together with him so soon after Sid died. What’s Lucy going to think?”

She’s worried about them staying with Lucy, even though it’s saving them a fair few pennies (the rest of the holiday is costing enough, even with Jill also having helped them out).

Jolene would rather they had time alone.

[Jolene] “More peace just the two of us, without all this baggage.”

I know the safe combination in Jaxx

It’s over there, written on the back of that picture of Elvis.

Jazzer wants his feet under the table

He’s unpacked all of Fallon’s stuff out of the van.

But she’s not grateful.

[Jolene] “What’s up? “

[Fallon] “Nothing, I just want him to go home!”

But when Fallon goes off to have her bath, Jazzer’s already in there. He offers to share …

She declines, but he then appears in the kitchen with just a towel on. It doesn’t cover him very well, and Fallon has to get near to his “minging” toenails to check his foot after he’d stepped on a mug than Jolene had smashed by mistake earlier on.

Fallon can’t take much more. As well as being half naked, Jazzer wants to borrow a t-shirt (which he did. One of Kenton’s which Jolene was glad to get rid of. It had “capped sleeves and slutty slogans”) and help in the bar.

[Fallon] “Jazzer no. We’re home now, the holidays’ over … I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, but can I remind you of what you promised after, you know, that night … ever since we got back, you’ve been acting like you’re moving it. You said we could go back to just being mates.”

[Jazzer] “I thought that was what I was being, matey … to be honest with you, I didn’t fancy going back to a flat in me ain, I never imagined I’d miss auld Harry.”

Fallon takes pity. More fool her …

Kenton attacks Jolene with a drawer

Kenton’s lost his passport


It wasn’t at Jaxx.

Not in his black jeans, which they’d already packed.

Not in the filing cabinet.

But maybe in the locked drawer? You know, the one that’s really stuff.

As Kenton yanks it open, it hurtles out and smacks Jolene on her eye.

[Fallon] “You’re going to have one hell of a black eye!”

When Jazzer answers Fallon’s phone to Kirsty:

[Jazzer] “There’s been a wee fracas, I think they’ve been having a punch up!”

[Fallon] “You didn’t want to go in the first place, and now everyone’s going to think Kenton beat you up!”

When Kirsty arrives with Kenton’s passport (which was in the freezer at Jaxx – Kenton had put it there after reading about hiding stuff in freezers in a spy novel):

[Kirsty] “Oh Jolene, did Kenton do that?”

And that, my friends, is how gossip starts.

Kenton’s obsessed with social networking

The taxi has arrived. Kenton’s busy upstairs posting pictures to Facebook.

[Jolene] “Facebook, honestly!”

And he told Kirsty he’d be Tweeting at every stage of his journey, so that the folks back at Jaxx would be able to follow his every step.

[Jolene] “I’m sure they’ll all be fascinated to know what you had for breakfast.”

Well, Kenton shouldn’t mention his breakfast, unless it’s splendid. Tweeters generally only Tweet interesting stuff … (!).

Bon voyage!

Not really …

[Fallon] “Bye mum, things can only get better! … wonder if they’re going to survive this trip.”

Aye, I do too.

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