Keith admits he’s the firestarter: Wed 01.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 1st August 2012

• Keith’s guilty, but it’s all Emma’s fault
• Jennifer compares Brian to Stalin
• Even Jennifer can't afford stamps
• Jennifer likes a bit of Alan Bates
• Fallon’s van went by

Keith’s guilty, but it’s all Emma’s fault

According to Tracey …

Tracey called Susan to tell her Keith’s been charged. Just so happened Emma was there at the time (buying an electricity card. That £30 won’t get her very far).

[Emma] “So, it looks like he really did do it.”

[Susan] “You can’t know that. Lord alone knows what state he must be in.”

[Emma] “I’m so sorry it’s worked out like this. I didn’t want to be right.”

[Susan] “None of us wanted you to be right Emma.”

Tracey goes round to see Keith.

[Tracey] “What you been charged with?”

[Keith] “Arson. Criminal damage. Conspiracy.”

[Tracey] “Blimey. But they let you out again?”

Seems so. Though Keith had to report back to the Police regularly, and must stay away from Ambridge. The case will go to the Magistrates, then probably onto the Crown Court. Which could take a while.

[Keith] “It’ll be quicker if I plead guilty.”

[Tracey] “Guilty? Why would you do that? You didn’t do it … Keith …”

Keith admits he did. Forensics caught him.

[Tracey] “I just can’t believe it. Petrol bombing a farm.”

[Keith] “It weren’t a petrol bomb, I just …”

[Tracey] “I don’t care how you did it. What am I going to say to people … I’ve been defining you all round the village … how can you be so stupid, you’ve got it sorted. Good job. Nice house, what got into you Keith?”

[Keith] “It’s all front. The motor trade’s been rubbish for ages. I’ve got a massive mortgage on the place. I’m scared to think how many credit cards I’ve got, and they’re all up to the limit. And then this wedding came along. What could I do …?”

[Tracey] “Alright, so you’re skint. How does burning down a barn help that?”

[Keith] “There are some blokes. I knew one of them from way back … it started with the odd dodgy car … cause I know the area and I get about, I let them know if there was any kit that looks like an easy target … tractors, quad bikes … it was easy money. And all this stuff’s insured, no-one was supposed to get hurt.”

[Tracey] “These blokes, are you saying they were the ones what lamped Adam Macy?”

Indeed they are. Though Keith reckons he wasn’t “directly involved”. All he did was tell them about Adam’s forage harvester.

Then, when David could identify the blokes who attacked Adam:

[Keith] “We, they, the others, wanted to persuade him not to give evidence.”

Keith reckons he had nothing to do with the phone calls. Or letting the cows out.

[Keith] “I just did the fire.”

[Tracey] “Just!”

Keith reckons the blokes were pressuring him to have a turn. That they knew enough about him to get him into serious trouble at work, and with the Police.

[Keith] “I feel terrible. I’ll never forgive myself. I just got in too deep.”

BUT Keith is refusing to name these other bad blokes.

[Tracey] “You don’t have no choice Keith. You’ve got to cooperate. If you don’t, you’re going down forever.”

When Tracey tells Susan that Keith did do it:

[Susan] “I’ve had about just enough of this family.”

[Tracey] “He just got sucked in Susan, he never meant it to go this far.”

[Susan] “I don’t know what I’m going to say to Emma …”

[Tracey] “Her? … it’s Keith you ought to be worried about!”

[Susan] “He’s done a wicked, wicked thing!!!”

Emma comes in. Susan tells her Keith’s admitted it:

[Susan] “I’m really sorry Emma. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I just never thought he would …”

[Emma] “I know. I’m sorry too.”

When Emma leaves the room:

[Susan] “You’re being very unfair to Emma.”

[Tracey] “Whatever she though, she should never have made that phone call.”

[Susan] “He did something wrong.”

[Tracey] “And he’s suffering for it. He’s in bits.”

[Susan] “Yeah, now he’s been caught.”

[Tracey] “I don’t care. You just don’t do that to your own family.”

What a load of rubbish, Tracey.

Can believe it, but I’m squarely on Emma’s side this time. She did absolutely the right thing.


Jennifer compares Brian to Stalin

Quite right too.

Brian won the tender for supplying the arable to the Super Dairy (after a scintillating BL meeting …).

Annabelle asked Brian about the Adam ‘situation’.

[Brian] “It’s a slightly fluid situation at the moment.”

[Annabelle] “So, he’s jumped ship.”

[Brian] “Oh. Not necessarily so. The fat lady hasn’t sung yet.”

Jennifer wasn’t remotely happy to hear that Brian had ‘won’. It means next to no land for Adam to farm.

[Brian] “This has secured the future of the farm.”

[Jennifer] “What about Adam … so you’re writing him out of history, are you Brian, like some Soviet trick that’s fallen out of favour!”

[Brian] “Don’t be ridiculous darling. I’m not Stalin.”

[Jennifer] “Well it’s just that Adam doesn’t fit into your 5 year plan!”

[Brian] “He can if he chooses.”

I’m with Adam.

Sod it, move on, and get rid of having to bow to Brian.

Even Jennifer sounds increasing fed up with Brian.

Son or husband?!?


Even Jennifer can't afford stamps

She was going to buy 40 first class, but went for 20 first and 20 second instead.

[Jennifer] “They’re such a price now, aren’t they?”

Must be so if Jennifer has noticed.


Jennifer likes a bit of Alan Bates

(there was a lot of Jennifer today)

Jennifer was very impressed by Lynda’s cultural Olympiad. Especially the poetry reading.

[Jennifer] “She’s found this chap with a touch of the Alan Bates about him, in Grange Spinney … I could have cheerfully listened to him read the Borchester phone book.”

Fallon’s van went by

Seems now on their way to Edinburgh.

Sounded very noisy!

A Horrobin grasses on a Horrobin: Sun 15.07.12

The Archers Sunday 15th July 2012

• Emma phones Crimestoppers
• Price or value?
• Brookfield’s in a state
• Sabrina’s in training for donuts
• The Police came for Keith

Emma phones Crimestoppers

[Emma] “Well there’s someone you need to investigate … I know he was involved, that’s all I’m saying … it’s Keith Horrobin.”

Emma didn’t give her name, so no one will have a clue who ‘shopped’ Keith.

All credit to Emma. She’s generally not one of my favourite Ambridge residents, but she’s come good this time. Couldn’t have been easy.


Price or value?

Annabelle’s obsessions about the arable tender for the Super Dairy continues. (very odd).

Brian seems to be turning from not giving a hoot, to starting to twig that Home farm might not be a shoe-in after all.

[Brian] “They’re cowboy firms, trying it on, there’s no way they’d make a profit … they see BL as fresh meat, a soft target ripe for the picking.”

[Annabelle] “You’re mixing your metaphors, Brian … So, your line is we’re quite a bit more expensive, but we’ll give you better value for your money?”

Indeed it is. Brian reckons he can go in higher because he (well, Adam) is closer by to be able to deal with anything urgent. Most of the other firms are at least 15 miles away (imagine that! They’d take a whole extra 15 minutes to get there).

So Brian needs Adam to keep a record (and look back two years) to be able to evidence when he has been able to rush out and avert disaster.

Now I’d have though Adam would use this as his opportunity to scupper part of the Super Dairy (if a lesser company did get the contract, maybe they’d screw it up). But, Adam knows Home Farm needs this contract.

So he agrees. Albeit grudgingly.

Annabelle’s amazed at Brian’s persuasion prowess.

[Brian] “Never let the grass grow under my feet.”

[Annabelle] “Or any other forage crop!”

(ha!)


Brookfield’s in a state

We didn’t get to hear from David, Ruth or their brood today – but everyone else was saying what a mess the farm is in.

[Susan] “Bit of a state, is it?”

[Emma] “There’s hardly anything left. Just a few bits of twisted steel.”

Also a patio table and George’s bike are ruined.

[Susan] “Let’s hope the Police get their act together. Personally I’d throw away the key.”

Hmmm. Susan will change her tune soon enough …


Sabrina’s in training for donuts

Susan’s harassing Neil to join a team for the sports at the Fete.

[Susan] “Keeps saying if he plays for anyone at all, it’ll be the cricket team.”

[Emma] “That’d be worth seeing. Dad racing in his sleeping bag.”

[Susan] “What about the other, the dramatic donut race, or whatever it’s called.”

Seems the donut race involved running round the track four times, while putting more clothes on, and eating donuts.

[Susan] “What about Sabrina, she’s already training for it.”

I suppose that makes sense. Burn the calories off before you pile them on (or is she training by eating donuts while she runs?)


The Police came for Keith

Tracey burst into Susan’s while Emma was there to say that the Police had taken Keith that morning.

[Tracey] “They’re trying to do him for the fire … Some snake in the grass, anonymous of course”

[Susan] “Not Keith, that ridiculous, I can’t take this in!”

[Tracey] “Some nutter with a grudge phones up and they take it seriously.”

[Susan] “Especially when his name’s Horrobin.”

(well, that’s fair enough really. It usually is a Horrobin that’s to blame)

Later on, Keith turned up, he’d been released without charge.

[Keith] “Of course they have. They haven’t got a thing on me.”

Keith tried to ask Emma about George, but she responded rather coldly.

Tracey was still ranting about whoever grassed on Keith. She reckons it’s them who want “locking up”. But Keith didn’t want a fuss.

Wonder why …

So they start trying to work out who holds a grudge against Keith.

[Tracey] “Emma, you got any idea?”

Oh ho!

I would like to be Emma when Tracey works it out …

Keith’s a firestarter? Fri 13.07.12

The Archers Friday 13th July

• Adam wants David to stop
• Churches should provide ashtrays
• Keith has a limp …
• Keith sounds guilty …
• Keith left early …
• Jumping to conclusions?
• Annabelle doesn’t do puddings

Adam wants David to stop

Adam’s brought round some straw for Brookfield, though they’ll have to buy in their own hay. The insurance should cover it, but we all know how long insurance can take …

Adam’s beyond horrified:

[Adam] “I know you said you'd stand firm, but a line's been crossed here, they really mean business, they don’t care about people’s lives ... I couldn't live with myself.”

But, as David has got to this stage, the Police are now willing to do a bit more for him (it would seem). They’ll have two on duty at Brookfield, plus step-up drive rounds.

So, with that and his cameras and security lights, David feels quite confident he and his family are safe.

[Adam] “So, how come you don’t have a barn?”

Quite!


Churches should provide ashtrays

[Tracey] “What are you supposed to do with your fag ends around here?”

[Ed] “I dunno. not smoke in the first place, I suppose.”

[Tracey] “And they wonder why people don’t go to church!”

Ah – Tracey, pure class. Especially at her brother’s daughter’s wedding!

It’s all “petal and powders”. That won’t be the way Tracey will have her do.

[Tracey] “Me and Ifti. When we get hitched. I want us coming in on elephants.” 

[Ed] “In Ambridge?”

[Tracey] “In India!”

Oh good lord!

Tracey would be funny, if she wasn’t verging on being racist.

Ifti’s probably from Oxford.


Keith has a limp …

Oh, does he now?

And he got it falling over a hamster?

Hmmm …


Keith sounds guilty …

[Tracey] “I wish mum was here to see it. She'd be so chuffed you’d done good.”

You could actually hear Keith turning red at that.

Later on, he was joking with Emma about burnt sausage rolls, after she’d made mention of a fire.

He was horrified to realise that she’d meant the Brookfield one. That she had been there. Keith thought she’d been at Susan’s.

[Keith] “I’d no idea. So sorry.”

[Emma] “I’ve never been so scared in my life”

[Keith] “I’m so, so sorry. I really am.”

Hmmm …


Keith left early …

From the blokes do at the do. On the night of the fire at Brookfield.

[Tracey] “Can't take your beer, tripping over hamsters!”

Hmmm …


Jumping to conclusions?

Emma’s putting everything together, and coming up with her uncle Keith as the firestarter.

[Emma] “How likely is that .. it could be a convenient excuse ... he kept saying he was sorry, so sorry ... like it was his fault ... it could have been …”

[Ed] “It could have been anyone, it can't be ...”

[Emma] “When you put it all together ...”

See – Uncle Keith, the firestarter!

Would seem that could indeed be the case.

I wonder …


Annabelle doesn’t do puddings

But she does do panic, on behalf of Brian. Especially when Brian refuses to panic.

I have no idea why Annabelle does that.

She’s got herself in a tizzy about the arable contract. Seems Annabelle is worried that other BL Board members have been telling other companies to tender.

Brian doesn’t seem bothered. He thinks he and Home Farm can do better price and value.

Actually, must admit I’m not that bothered either …

Sandwich fillings: Mon 09.07.12

The Archers Monday 9th July 2012

• Seriously, sandwiches was as exciting as it got!
• Jennifer approves of Phoebe’s new room
• Sobbing in the Tucker household
• Brian to evict the Swifts?
• Brian on the fiddle?

Seriously, sandwiches was as exciting as it got!

[Elona] “The salami’s off, you’re having ham … you may not care what you’re having in your sandwiches, but I do.”

And there. Ladies and gentleman, was the highlight from today’s Ambridge.

Elona was making Darrell’s sandwiches, but Darrell was distracted by thoughts of Bernie (the bloke who’s selling him and Matt knock off kitchen furniture, and the like).

Makes it worse that Elona is very glad Matt is being “fair” with Darrell. Paying him formally. And being generous with a “bonus”. She’s delighted the bonus has meant Anna can get a keyboard. Later on, after Anna got her keyboard, she says she also now wants piano lessons.

All of which adds pressure onto Darrell. Who knows that Matt isn’t exactly on the level.


Jennifer approves of Phoebe’s new room

She thinks it’s very pretty and grown up.

Phew!

Hayley must be so relieved …


Sobbing in the Tucker household

Seems Abbie was sobbing all night about Phoebe not coming home.

And Vicky’s also upset. It’s put a right damper on her and Mike’s anniversary plans.

Though Phoebe sent Hayley something that sounded like a musical text with a message on it (couldn’t tell you exactly what, though) saying she loved her, Hayley wasn’t exactly cheered.

We left Ambridge this evening listening to Hayley playing the text back, laughing, then crying.


Brian to evict the swifts?

Brian’s been given first option on buying Valley Farm.

That’s the farm he wants to turn into accommodation for the Super Dairy workers. And the one which is currently home to some swifts.

[Brian] “Seems the owner got pestered by BAFF at a farmer’s market … that rabid Hattie person probably. Bet she unloved as a child …”

[Jennifer] “Oh Brian!”

[Brian] “Come on Jenny, they’re just attention seekers … they’ve started to believe their own publicity … that everyone agrees with them. There’s nothing worse than arrogance, is there?”

[Jennifer] “Well …”

[Brian] “The good thing is that it’s all starting to backfire … got right up his nose, suddenly he’s offering it at a very fair price.”

Ah – so Hattie has unwittingly helped Brian, and damned the swifts.

Funny Jennifer hasn’t mentioned them again. So was so adamant Brian couldn’t evict them.

Maybe she’s saving that as a round 2 argument.


Brian on the fiddle?

Possibly so.

Gerry has asked to see the contract between Home Farm and BL for the arable part of the Super Dairy.

Annabelle seems deeply concerned he’s looking into it. Brian doesn’t seem to give a hoot. He reckons Home Farm got the job after tendering.

[Brian] “I’m completely bomb proof on this one”

Hmm.

Odd that Brian never seems to listen to Annabelle. She’s more than often right.

Maybe the Super Dairy will still be scuppered, from the inside.

Carl’s not a saint after all 25.04.12

(surprise!)

The Archers Wednesday 25th April 2012

• The Super Dairy lives!
• Chris van gets burgled
• Alice passed her exams
• Jennifer will stop Chris and Alice having kids
• Is Carl married?

The Super Dairy lives!

[Jennifer] “The dairy plans have got the go-ahead … it is such a  relief”

Well, only for some.

Though especially for Jennifer, I suppose. She might get Brian to talk to about something else.

Bit surprising that the Super Dairy getting the planning permission wasn’t the hot topic of Ambridge today.

But those residents will make their own mind up about what to talk about near those secret microphones.


Chris van gets burgled

Poor Chris.

Scrimps and saves to buy his own business, and only moments into it, someone robs him.

He’d left tools in the van overnight. Which he has to do as he has so many of them. And it doesn’t help that the van has to be parked away from the house as there’s no room to park it out front.

AND no-one had thought to tell Chris and Alice about the suspicious car seen on Home Farm land.

Jennifer did seem that sympathetic when Alice told her. I think she was slightly put out that Alice’s news had overshadowed Brian’s about the Super Dairy.

[Jennifer] “Well at least they didn’t take the van itself … they can buy more tools, surely.”

True. And the insurance will cover it.

But it means the van will be out of action for at least a few days (while the lock is getting fixed). And, it’s not just about ‘stuff’.

[Alice] “The van was practically new. It was his pride and joy,. We went through a lot to get it”

Alice passed her exams

Not that she’s pleased about it (because of Chris’ tolls getting stolen), nor that Jennifer thought to ask (too preoccupied by Brian possibly now not being preoccupied).

But they all later come to and start to celebrate.

[Jennifer] “My daughter … the Engineer”

[Chris] “My wife, the engineer”

And though Jennifer wanted them both to come out on a celebratory dinner, Chris pretended that he’d already booked a table.

[Chris] “I wasn’t going to have your mum steal a march on me!”

Jennifer will stop Chris and Alice having kids

If she keeps walking in on them getting *ahem* close.

Jennifer walked in as Alice was just about to console Chris about his tools.

But Alice is also getting just as good at being unsubtle:

[Alice] “Oh no don’t do that. Mum’s just going”

[Jennifer] “Am I?”

Is Carl married?

Usha bumps into Annabelle at a Chamber do (the one Alan couldn’t go to because he’s on retreat). They pal up.

While Annabelle has to do her BL duty and talk momentarily to other BL directors, Usha spots Amy’s Carl. He seems surprised.

[Carl] “I just didn’t realise there would be lawyers here”

[Usha] “Well it is the Chamber of Commerce. Where there’s money you usually find lawyers, I’m afraid”

Then things got very odd.

Carl seemed to be at first particularly glad that Alan wasn’t there.

[Carl] “Oh, safely out of the way then”

But then Carl seemed to make a quick escape from Usha. While she sounded quite keen to spent time with him.

I didn’t really understand what was happening. Did Carl have a fancy for Usha? Or she him?

Then Annabelle started talking about a lady called Rochelle also at the do.

A talented lawyer. Beautiful, brainy.

And, she has a rather handsome husband. Who is standing right next to her …

… anyone didn’t (by that point) guess that it was Carl?

[Annabelle] “Talk about having it all. Doesn’t it make you sick?”

[Usha] “Yes. Yes it does”

Right, well that would explain the more wonderful than wonderful Carl.

Or does it?

Tom shows his human side 06.04.12

The Archers Friday 6th April 2012

• A moment, Jazzer style
• The Echo, yet again …
• Tom’s poly tunnels are delayed
• It’s finally dawned on Tom
• Brenda hands Tom a small chocolate bar
• I want to watch sows wallowing
• Jazzer and Harry’s quiz will be all inclusive
• It was all Molly Button’s fault
• Tom does a nice thing

A moment, Jazzer style

[Jazzer] “Bren, have you go a minute?”

[Brenda] “No, not really”

[Jazzer] “Great, cause this won’t take one”

Ha ha ha!


The Echo, yet again …

The Super Dairy really should be quite a gripping time in Ambridge.

Yet Brian constantly complaining about the Echo, then meeting up to analyse it with Annabelle, ultimately calling in PR chap Rufus to resolve it, is getting a bit dull.

Today, Brian met with Annabelle. They talked about the impact of The Echo. Then they called Rufus.

*humpf*

The only remotely interesting thing today was that the Echo’s expert is a chap who has commissioned by pressure groups to do research.

And that Rufus reckons that the Super Dairy will produce lower emissions per unit than smaller dairies.

Hm.

And Brian doesn’t see that Rufus is (a) hardly an expert and (b) paid by him to tweak the truth.



Tom’s poly tunnels are delayed

As the company he ordered them from had lost his order.

[Tom] “New staff, new system and they didn’t like my star sign!”

So, he’ll have to wait a few more weeks to get them.

Ach well, at least Stamfords Deli have put in an order for “both types of bangers”.


It’s finally dawned on Tom

With his rather packed work load, Tom can now finally see why him missing “a few” milking shifts made Tony so angry.

Halleluiah!

Even if it was his own experience rather than Tony’s heart attack, that has bought Tom to this conclusion, at least he’s got there.


Brenda hands Tom a small chocolate bar

As it’s what her mum used to give her when she was busy studying, while saying “well done. Keep going, love”.

That’s nice.


I want to watch sows wallowing

Which is what Tony’s doing.


Jazzer and Harry’s quiz will be all inclusive

Jazzer is trying to entice Tony to his and Harry’s Easter quiz.

[Jazzer] “You’ll be okay, some of it goes back to the dark ages, Duran Duran and all that …”

Though when Tony points out his music knowledge goes back even further than that, Jazzer reckons he also will have questions for “old codgers”.

That’s the way to pack ‘em in Jazzer. Flatter ‘em!


It was all Molly Button’s fault

Reckons Jazzer.

It was Molly’s fault that Jazzer put itching powder in Harry’s cycling shorts because she gave him the idea, and actually gave him the powder.

But then, Molly played a trick on Jazzer, involving a tarantula (which he can’t stand).

[Jazzer] “Molly fooled me, I fooled Harry, he tells her off, it’s the circle of life really”

[Tony] “Very profound”

Tom does a nice thing

Seriously.

He really does.

Tony was earlier saying to Tony that he needs to

[Tony] “Learn to stop getting in everyone’s way”

But Tom has a plan.

He tells Tony that he wanted different cabbages for the veg boxes, but he spent ages trying to track them down. When Tony knew exactly who to call in seconds.

He also tells Tony that he’s started chasing unpaid bills for veg boxes. Including a lady called
Elspeth Rogers. But Tony knows that Elspeth only pays quarterly, as that’s when she gets her pensions.

And Tom tells Tony that it would be really useful to have someone to do the banking and such for the veg boxes.

So he asks Tony.

[Tony] “You want me to do it, all the admin, for the veg boxes … I’d be delighted!”

Good Tom.

Easy work for Tony, without making him feel he’s being mollycoddled.

How to make cows look like they’re outside 02.04.12

The Archers Monday 2nd April 2012

• Clearing out after the cows
• A.G. Street
• Tom makes his move
• Double Think in action
• Is Brenda sane?
• Maurice, one again!

Clearing out after the cows

[Tony] “It’s a job and a half in it … making muck heaps takes longer than you expect”

A.G. Street

[Tony] “I’m only sitting in the kitchen, reading Wheat and Chaff again”

Sounds idyllic to me.

And cheers to Tony for introducing me to A.G Street.

Sounds good enough to read! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A._G._Street



Tom makes his move

Tony wants to at least help Tom in the office, but Tom won’t hear of it.

Tom reckons he’s enjoying getting to grips with the farm finances, and he’s also absolute that Tony won’t overstrain himself.

Later on, Tom admits to Brenda that he’s actually enjoying the responsibility, but feels guilty that he wants to meddle.

Things like updating the software in the office.

While Tom doesn’t want his work on the brands to “go backward”, he also does want to offend Tony by making changes.

[Brenda] “He’ll understand if you have to make a few changes”

[Tom] “What if he thinks I’m putting him down … the last thing I want to do now is I don’t respect him, because I do, a hell of a lot”

Brenda thinks Tony will see that any changes Tom makes will be for the better of the farm, and that the world can’t stand still.

Hmmm.

Maybe so, Tony does seem to be in a very positive place these days.

But isn’t this all building up to Tom pushing Tony to one side so that he can lord and master it all?

Maybe.

Sure Pat and Helen will also have something to say about that …


Double Think in action

Brian and Annabelle are back seeing that PR chap Rufus.

Rufus seems to think all is well, and BL are “winning the argument”.

[Rufus] “These protests are like soap bubbles, biggest just before they burst”

Ahead of the planning meeting, Rufus suggests they have one last PR push.
(course he’d say that. must be a couple of grand in it for him!)

Rufus shows them a DVD that they had filmed for another farm in the same situation as BL.

It shows cows on grass when they’re “drying off” (when they’re allowed to stop lactating for a while before they calving).

Brian gets it straight away. The focus is on the cows that do get outside, rather than those indoors.

[Brian] “Some of replacement heifers could spend time in the open as well”

(a replacement heifer is basically a young one who isn’t ready to calf yet, but will be brought in to take over from an older one, ready for the … ahem … for retirement. I’m learning a lot today!).

So, BLs film will show that they are:

[Brian] “Providing a small patch of grazing near the indoor unit”

(note the “small”)

Which means they can pretend (my word) that they have “responded to concerns” (Brian’s words) without impacting on their business and profit.

[Annabelle] “Feels a little like window dressing to me”

[Rufus] “Well, you can be selling the most fantastic product in the world, but if you don’t care share if the shop window, people walk by”

Annabelle asks whether this is all too far from the truth:

[Rufus] “You can make false claims about something like this without the consequences coming back to bite you hard”

[Brian] “We’d simply be taking something BL is planning to do anyway”

[Rufus] “And pushing it to the forefront, so everyone can see it … One striking image conveys far more than any number of words!”

[Annabelle] “And it would reflect a genuine part of the operation?”

[Brian] “look at a few of the free range poultry boys, you’d think the birds were in paradise from the publicity, and the reality is often very different …. There’s a big difference between having access to outside and actually venturing out”

[Rufus] “Simply sums up the benefits you’re offering in a clear truthful way”

[Brian] “Brilliant. It could well take the sting out of a lot of criticism”

Annabelle caves, so off Rufus goes to make a few more thousand pounds.

I do agree Brian has a point about the free range chaps (always buy your chickens from your local butcher, where they can tell you everything about the farm they came from – my one even has pictures of them at “home!).

But, he and Rufus are talking rubbish that they’re presenting anything other than one very small slice of the truth.

Pat, Kirsty and Ruth (though ‘glass houses’, eh Ruth!) aren’t that daft to not spot their trick.


Is Brenda sane?

Even Tom is starting to doubt it.

She’s spending her afternoon off on the tractor while Tom works. She reckons it is the only way she’ll get to spend time with him.

(choosing to spend even one moment with Tom must surely suggested some sort of mental health issue …).

But, Brenda has brought quiche, salad, flapjacks and mango (!) for their picnic.

(bottom of the fridge stuff, then).



Maurice, one again!

It really is Maurice bashing season.

Tom’s on about him again as he’s been asked to do extra shifts (by Tom).

[Tom] “Oh, you know Maurice. Borchestshire’s Mr Sunshine!”

Why is it Maurice baiting season?

Not the roof, Robert! 29.03.12

The Archers Thursday 29th March 2012

• The BL Board meeting about the Super Dairy
• Pat and Tony have panicked the family
• Schubert week on BBC Radio 3
• Robert is not young mountain goat
• The Peregrines have eggs
• Youth cricket is a goer
• Did Brian win?

The BL Board meeting about the Super Dairy

[Annabelle] “There’s quite a glint in your eyes this afternoon”

[Brian] “Of terror”

Aye – it’s the moment we’ve been waiting for. The big BL meeting about the Super Dairy.

(hmmm)

[Brian] “This afternoon is more about company philosophy. Are we quitters or fighters”

As the debate gets going, Gerry says he’s worried about the impact the Super Dairy would have on all future BL projects.

Martin wonders whether they could scale down the Super Dairy. Though I think he’s completely missed the point …

[Gerry] “And still have the bunny huggers on our backs!”

Brian tries to reason with them that the entire point about the profitability of the Super Dairy hasn’t changed. So the reason they voted it in all those months ago hasn’t changed.

[Brian] “If we give up now we lose profit and reputation for nothing … if we cave in over this we’ll put everything we want in the future at risk … knuckles at the first sign of opposition … is that the signal of weaknesses we want to send out to our opponents”

Brian was starting to sound a bit Winston Churchill for my liking … but did it sway the board?


Pat and Tony have panicked the family

Seems when Pat called Jennifer to call them round for a family gathering, she wouldn’t say what it was about.

So now Jennifer is worried. She thinks it’s bad news about Tony.

[Brian] “Maybe the long term prognosis isn’t as good as we’d hoped”

Schubert week on BBC Radio 3

Of which Robert wants to listen to as much as possible.

Funny that he doesn’t realise he’s being broadcast live only one channel over.


Robert is not young mountain goat

So he claims.

Lynda wants the gutters cleaned.

And she wants them cleaned right now. No matter what else Robert has planned.

(why she couldn’t just do it herself, I don’t know)

[Lynda] “We don’t want them looking unsightly, do we?”

[Robert] “Lyndee, they’re flying over with a friend, not the guttering Police”

[Lynda] “We’d never forgive ourselves if there were any blemishes when our little home gets it portrait taken”

While he’s up there, Lynda also asks if he’ll clean off the moss.

[Lynda] “I know it’s picturesque but there’s s fine line between character and decrepitude”

[Robert] “Will you stop confusing me with a young mountain goat!”

But before Lynda answers, she gets a call from Jamie about the peregrines and leaves Robert up there without a watcher.

Has she forgotten about Nigel already?


The Peregrines have eggs

As spotted by Jamie.

Seems he looks up at church every time he passes it, after Lynda accosted him to look at the Peregrines last year.

They’ve got two eggs, though Lynda reckons they normally start off with four.

Lynda will be guarding them with her life … and also probably Jamie’s.


Youth cricket is a goer

So Jamie says to Lynda.

He was about to say he’d started it off to not have to spend all their time with the auld yins, but Lynda understands:

[Lynda] “Hang around with the more chronologically challenged …”

The current line-up is Jamie, Marty Josh and two of the Button cousins.

The bloke they mentioned from Westbury will be coaching them.

Nickname Nifty Ifti – actual name Iftikhar.

[Lynda] “Nifty bowler and quite as a whippet in the field!”

Sounds fun.



Did Brian win?

Course he did.

Though he was feeling a bit beaten up by the end of the meeting.

And despite his, Annabelle’s and the secret microphones attempts to make us initially think he’d lost the vote.

[Annabelle] “The more you spoke, the more trenchant Gerry’s opposition became”

Brian felt Andrew had made a good case, and even got him doubting himself!

But Martin eventually sided with Brian.

As did Barbara:

[Brian] “the wild card … After I’d sweated blood for her support!”

But Brian seems very far from his usual, boorish, jubilant self:

[Brian] “I’m glad to have squeaked through, although at what cost … I haven’t let myself anywhere to hide … if anything goes wrong, my neck’s right on the chopping block”

Uh-oh.

The Super Dairy will be an especially rough ride if even Brian himself isn’t 100% confident.

Rich to visit Bridge Farm 23.03.12

The Archers Friday 23rd March 2012

• Kylie has good news for Helen
• Bridge Farm doesn’t know when Sunday is
• Annabelle wants Brian to stick with cows
• Tony feels good
• Reminder that the clocks go forward

Kylie has good news for Helen

Kylie calls Helen. Helen starts apologising for “opening old wounds for Sharon”. Kylie agrees that Sharon was very upset, but:

[Kylie] “What happened happened. But. In a way, that’s what was needed … mum said that Eamon can bring Rich down to Bridge Farm on Sunday, if you want, is that okay?”

Bridge Farm doesn’t know when Sunday is

First Tom – who has to ask if Sunday is the day after tomorrow.

[Tom] “Wow!”

Seems Sharon has also told Rich that Pat and Tony are his grandparents. And that he had already met them. He wants to meet them again.

[Helen] “Tom, we did it!”

Thankfully, Tom and Helen tell Tony and Pat (rather than making Rich’s visit a surprise, which would only lead to Tony having another heart attack).

[Helen] “he’ll meet you properly, as your grandson”

Tony and Pat also have to work out when Sunday was, but then:

[Tony] “No no, I don’t need any time to think … I think I can speak for both of us Pat, the answer is yes, we do want him to come on Sunday. Thank you”.

One can only hope that Rich turns out to be as nice a lad as he seems.


Annabelle wants Brian to stick with cows

She’s really not convinced about the pig plan.

[Annabelle] “There would be the same objections as with the dairy unit over animal welfare”

[Brian] “The idea of pigs being housed indoors isn’t anything like as bad as cows”

But Annabelle reckons that the protestors already hate, and want to attack, BL. They won’t stop just because BL are going to permanently house, en masse, another type of animal.

[Annabelle’ “I can’t seem then just giving in and rolling over because we tell them it’s pigs and not cows … moral crusade against any and every intensive farming”

Annabelle also thinks that it won’t do him any good with the BL board to:

[Annabelle] “be changing horses midstream … That kind of flip flopping always looks weak … the board loses confidence in the Chairman, and you’d be edged out”

[Brian] “That’d be a disaster”

(aye – just like when Matt was edged out …)

[Annabelle] “Convince the Board you’re right, Brian”

Tony feels good

[Tony] “I feel as fresh as a daisy today, well, sort of”

Ah, that’s better than feeling worse.


Reminder that the clocks go forward

This time, from Pat:

[Pat] “And don’t forget, we lose an hour on Sunday with the clocks going forward”

Cheers Pat!

At least my van clock will be right again!

Gary Horrobin is a bit strange 27.02.12

The Archers Monday 27th February 2012

• Susan turns the thumb screws
• Neil retaliates
• Next steps for the Super Dairy
• Star Trek wallpaper
• Brian gives Susan something to gossip about
• Adam’s not for talking

Susan turns the thumb screws

As Neil is enjoying the telly not blaring 24/7, no computers on the go, or tights hung up in odd places (yay – Tracey and brood have finally gone!), Susan doesn’t let him relax for more than a moment.

She seems to agree with Bert that Gary needs him room done.

[Susan] “It’s not for himself, it’s for Gary … I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for Gary, I mean he doesn’t complain, but he’s not got much of a life, stuck at home with his model kits and his PlayStation … now everyone’s got a lovely painted room except him”

Susan lays on that Neil should be doing “random acts of kindness” for Lent.

[Neil] “Haven’t I been kind enough already?”

[Susan] “I’ve said it now and I won’t say it anymore. I’ll leave it up to you …”

What a witch! Emotional and religious blackmail.

Neil promises he’ll think about it, but isn’t making any promises.

Neil retaliates

[Neil] “Well if I’m doing this, maybe you should try it?”

[Susan] “Me? Give up gossip? That’s not much of a challenge!”

To which we all say ‘ha!’.

Though Neil hasn’t pledged to do his ‘random act of kindness’, turning the ‘giving up on gossip pledge onto Susan was nifty. But was only really a matter of time before someone said it to Susan’s face!


Next steps for the Super Dairy

Annabelle and Brian are having lunch.

Annabelle reckons the Parish Council meeting was a good result, with Brian and Debbie fielding questions “skilfully”.

So – next step is the planning department. Which they feel fairly confident about.

But not so when it comes to:

[Brian] “There’s the green brigade, the conservation department, all we need is for them to find rare slime at the bottom of a ditch”

Ah - we all hope they do, Brian!

Brian also reckons the environment department is a “wild card”, especially if they focus on what will happen to the masses of slurry the Super Dairy will create.

Annabelle actually reckons the real wild card is Adam – that he could, and will, cause problems.

Adam does not concur. He thinks Adam didn’t turn up to the meeting because Adam didn’t want to cause problems for them.

Brian really doesn’t understand nor know Adam at all.

Neither does Annabelle. She suggests that Brian tries to have a talk with Adam to “keep lines of communication open”.


Star Trek wallpaper

Neil made his mind up about Gary’s bedroom.

He went over to Bert’s, and left tins of paint.

[Neil] “If he wants his room painted, he can bloomin well do it himself”

(so Neil didn’t buy into Susan’s many levels of blackmail)

But Bert brought the paint back later that day.

Seems Gary didn’t want his bedroom redecorated (not that anyone thought to ask him in the first place)

[Susan] “Because he doesn’t want to mess up his Star Trek wallpaper. Or the plastic model of the Starship Enterprise he’s got hanging from the ceiling …”

Goodness sake!

As they pointed out, Gary is 37! Model kits and PlayStation was bad enough, but wallpaper … unacceptable.

What’s the story with him?

Medical issue, or is he just that sad a man?

[Susan] “He did ask for a Klingon dictionary last Christmas”

Blimey! Explains a lot.


Brian gives Susan something to gossip about

As Brian and Annabelle say goodbye after lunch, they give each other a kiss. One assumes it was just on the cheek, but it did actually sound a bit slurpy …

Anyhoo, Brian spots Susan spotting him and Annabelle.

[Brian] “I can almost hear her mind working overtime. She’ll be thinking I’m having my wicked way with you”

Brian want to “really give her something to talked about”, but Annabelle said no.

Sounded like her stomach turning at the thought of anyone thinking she was dallying with Brian …

Susan gets home, and wants to tell Neil all.

[Susan] “Look very matey they were, all smiles …”

[Neil] “Susan, woah, wait. Are you sure you want to carry on … you thought it’d be a doddle didn’t ya, it might be more of a challenge than you thought?”

But Susan buttons her lip.

Better watch out Neil. She needs that gossip to relax her.



Adam’s not for talking

Brian takes Annabelle’s advice to talk to Adam.

Even though Jennifer had been begging for weeks …

He corners Adam as he’s leaving Home Farm after work.

[Brian] “It’s just to say, well, thanks for not coming to the meeting”

[Adam] “Brian, whatever my reasons for not coming, I don’t need you to thank me for it”

Brian reckons they’re all still in together as a family.

[Brian] “All these bad feelings, these warring family headlines, it doesn’t have to be like this … we do respect your point of view … you have your standards, ideals, and you’re not prepared to compromise … can we at least be civil about it and stop all this unnecessary feuding and agree to differ”

[Adam] “Isn’t it just a tiny but late for all that? Well I’m sorry. It’s been a long day and I need to get home”

End of.

Atta boy Adam. Someone needs to stand up to his nibs.

Brian turns to a PR Bunny 18.01.12

The Archers Wednesday 18th January 2012

• They still can’t find 200 metres of cable
• Image problem with the Super Dairy? PR it!
• Tony is cold and irritable
• Our Pat’s back
• Thankful for Elona and Darrell

They still can’t find 200 metres of cable

200 metres was a lot of cable to steal, but surely it can’t be that hard for the powers that be to find more?

But it would seem so.

There’s still no internet or phones.

So everyone is having to travel to Felpersham (or Lower Loxley) to get online. They’re also furious that the thieves were so brazen in kicking off this blackout.

[Annabelle] “Apparently, the thieves posed as workmen, took their time”

Image problem with the Super Dairy? PR it!

[Brian] “Everyone’s in PR these days … can’t afford not to”

Annabelle and Brian are calling on the dark arts of a chap called Rufus, of Moynahan and Parker.

They explain their slight … problem …

[Brian] “It’s become a very ... What you might call, emotive issue in Ambridge”

[Rufus] “Big is instantly equated with bad, I imagine”

Rufus advises Brian not to call a community meeting. Brian thinks it would dispel myths, but Rufus reckons it would turn into a lecture than help Brian to “engage” with the villagers. He reckons they need to “communicate … on own terms”.

So, Rufus asks Brian and Annabelle to come up with bullet points about what’s positive about the Super Dairy:

• Good for jobs
• Good for the economy, local and national
• High welfare standards … happy cows

But Brian can’t keep to sound bites for very long.

[Brian] “It’ll have very green credentials; slurry into energy and fertiliser … local residents won’t be inconvenienced in any way shape or form”

After a bit of brainstorming, Rufus decides that giving leaflets to individuals are the way forward.
(did he do the same marketing course as Brenda?)

[Rufus] “So we can dispel the imagine of some sort of Frankenstein monster squatting on their doorstep”

Annabelle reckons they can use recent research from the Farms Animal Welfare Council on the leaflet – saying that they’re aren’t disadvantages to keeping cows in large herds as long husbandry and stock and such are of high standards.

Rufus shifts up a gear.

He wants to build a website. It’ll address the truth, allay fears, and stop misunderstandings. And also
use the bullet points in a newspaper advert.

Rufus also tried to convince Brian that it’s nothing personal, on either side of the argument (or the press).

[Rufus] “Never try to drown them out with a lot of noise … after all, when all's said and done, it’s a business scheme”

Brian and Annabelle are certainly impressed by Rufus’ chat. They’ve bought his ideas, his approach, his hourly rate …

So the plan of attack is now to begin:

[Annabelle] “Waging an informal, personal campaign in the village”

Part of which will be be sponsoring local societies and events. Like the village hall. Or the church …

[Brian] “If listening to local people’s concerns is what it takes Annabelle, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do”

Aye, I think you missed the point there, Brian. Buying your way through is not “listening”.

I don’t suppose he gives a hoot, as ;long as it gets the job done.


Tony is cold and irritable

The wind is cutting right through him, even with his clothes of many layers.

And he’s irritated.

With Tom.

Where Pat sees and loves Tom’s enthusiasm, Tony just sees Tom not pulling his weight on the proper work. He just wants Tom to do his fair share on the farm, rather than making up recipes for pork ready meals.


Our Pat’s back

Pat is sounding chirpier and chirpier every day.

She’s even decided to do the speech at the brand launch.

[Pat] “ …not a chore, would like to do it …”

Which seems to make everyone else very pleased indeed.

Did I miss something? Why is Pat making the speech such a big deal?

Something to do with Pat as the head of the family, finally reclaiming her throne (her voice)?!?

Anyhoo – Pat reckons it was her birthday that “really bucked” her up and stopped her “dithering”.

[Pat] “I suddenly wanted to be the Pat I saw in the photos again. I know I can’t look like her, but I wanted to her enthusiasm for things”

Hurrah! Pat’s back!

While she does want to do the speech at the launch, she’s also adamant that everyone is aware of all the hard work and commitment that she and Tony put into getting their business (their family) to this point. (some would argue that it was Pat and Tony that also nearly ruined Bridge Farm … but it was theirs to ruin in the first place, I reckon).


Thankful for Elona and Darrell

I can’t remember who said – but someone had a good point today in saying that Elona and Darrell are indeed good for Peggy. Them helping her out has given her back her independence.

(remember when Lilian was doing Peggy’s ironing … *shudder*)

Maybe I shouldn’t be suspicious of them after all?

The BL Board votes 05/12/12

The Archers Thursday 5th January 2012

• Brian’s back on track
• Bert asks Tracey to come home
• Why does Gary have bunkbeds?
• Andrew Eagleton has a problem

Brian’s back on track

In his own, humble (!) opinion.

He has managed to get three arable farmers to agree to be suppliers for their Super Dairy, which means he has a “viable plan B” to put to the BL Board – who are voting today on whether to go ahead.

Even if the BL Board do vote it through, Debbie still hasn’t managed to get Adam onside.

[Debbie] “I just had a chat with Adam … I don’t know what his problem is …”

In Debbie’s opinion, Adam has got everything he wants – Home Farm to be kept the way it is, steering clear of the Super Dairy. She thinks he’s now just being petulant.

[Brian] “He simply can’t accept that this is the way farming is going”

Bert asks Tracey to come home

Tracey was telling Bert that she’s thinking of moving back (to wherever she came from). Not to get back with Den:

[Tracey] “Reckon he’s as glad to see the back of me as I am of him”

But to her own place. She can’t cope with the long school run anymore, but can’t afford somewhere in Ambridge.

[Bert] “Susan said … well, I was wondering actually … how would it be if you moved back in here?”

Tracey initially says an outright no, They just wouldn’t all fit in.

[Tracey] "So this was Neil’s idea? Bet it was ..."

Bert explains Neil’s plans for creating another bedroom. Tracey could have her old bedroom back (the one she used to share with Susan).

[Bert] “Have it all to yourself now!”

And the kids would have his old room. He reckons he’s not getting much sleep anyway, in his big bed alone.

And a massive bonus would be that they kids would have a garden to play in. They didn’t have that before.

[Tracey] “How would you feel about having them here? You know what Brad’s like, he can’t sit still for 5 minutes and he doesn’t have a volume control … and Chelsea’s is not much better… but you were young then, you could cope with the racket, you want some peace and quiet now”

But Bert reckons he’ll have peace in the grave … and he can have his own TV in his room, and always just go out.

[Bert] “I’d love for you to come home Tracey, really I would”

Tracey sounds nearly convinced, but she wants to sleep on it.


Why does Gary have bunkbeds?

He really is odd.


Andrew Eagleton has a problem

[Brian] “Me, essentially, he thinks I’ve lost all credibility”

He scoffs his way through Debbie’s presentation, and questions them on the lack of control they’ve now got by having to use external suppliers. Who are they/ Can they be depended on? Surely they’ll ditch the Super Dairy if a better offer comes long.

Brian reckons he’s “rubbed shoulders” with two of them at NFU meetings.

[Andrew] “So you don’t actually know them?”

Erm, no. he doesn’t.

And what about the fact that Brian couldn’t convince Adam to work with them? How can the BL Board know he’ll manage the other suppliers properly?

[Debbie] “Units like this offer a very good deal to the farmers involved .. .a guaranteed purchaser .. .Adam has no experience in these things, I do”

As they have a comfort break (the meeting sounded like the House of Commons to me – lots of baritone murmurings. Thankfully none of the fake guffawing), Brian is not happy with Andrew.

[Brian] “I could happily punch his lights out!”

[Debbie] “He’s alienating the rest of the Board by banging on like that, so keep calm and let me do the talking”

Which he does. Debbie closes her presentation by saying that she’d be project managing the Diary (still from Hungry). I had thought she might be returning …

Anyway, it goes to the vote. And they turn off the secret microphones …

Tony pleads, one father to another: The Archers Tuesday 13th December 2011

• Brian’s back
• Where is Jennifer?
• Deck the Halls seems to be going well
• The twins didn’t fight
• David or Elizabeth?
• Not a brooch!
• Tony calls Sharon

Brian’s back

He’s tanned and has tales of fishing off of a reef, but he wasn’t left alone to ease himself back into reality.

Wind, rain, Adam asking him to work on machinery and Martin Gibson is “very annoyed”.

Annabelle left him a message to say that Martin was on a slight rampage:

[Brian] “Incandescent was quite a clue …”

Seems Pete Wilkes (is that Spencer’s, Pip’s boyfriend, dad?) phoned up Martin to ask if he had a date for when the Super Dairy would be starting.

Which he shouldn’t have done. Brian told him it was all still confidential.

[Brian] “ ‘Don’t say anything to anyone’ was obviously too technical for him”

Problem is that Brian should also be keeping everything confidential within Borchester Land. Which is why Martin is angry. Brian shouldn’t be trying to line up suppliers yet, even though Brian needs the suppliers in place to prove his business plan to the rest of the board – and Martin is especially worried that the media will get hold of it.

So really, Martin is right to be angry. And to spoil Brian’s return from holidays.


Where is Jennifer?

No mention of Jennifer on Brian’s return.

Surely she’s also come home?

Or has (a) Brian done away with her or (b) she run away with a waiter?


Deck the Halls seems to be going well

Though the ice rink had to be shut down for a few hours yesterday(some of the casual workers didn’t turn up for work), seems there’s plenty of folks spending money, despite it being a “belt tightening”.

It’s definitely not the same without Nigel, though. We didn’t get to hear the build-up to Deck the Halls. Nor about the magic.


The twins didn’t fight

[Elizabeth] “Somehow they got through the whole day without fighting. First time ever on a birthday”

[Jill] “They’re very sensible children”

Where Elizabeth is oblivious, nothing gets by Jill.

She’s obviously spotted that the twins are making a big effort for their mum.


David or Elizabeth?

Is a choice Jill’s going to have to make over the festive season.

David and Ruth are definitely going to The Bull for Christmas evening. But Elizabeth isn’t sounding so keen. She’s determined to still not have anything to with her brother.

[Jill] “Point Elizabeth one way and she heads off in the opposite direction”

So Elizabeth and the twins for Christmas lunch. David and Ruth Christmas evening.

And what about New Year? Especially just after on the 2nd …

[Jill] “I can’t believe it’ almost a year since Nigel died”

But Jill wouldn’t be able to invite David and Elizabeth to hers at the same time for new year. Which she feels odd about.

[Jill] “I want to support Elizabeth but not condone her attitude to David”

Not a brooch!

Josh just wants money for Christmas (which Jill is disappointed about).

And Jill is also looking for a gift for Christine’s birthday.

She’s been thinking about a brooch.

Surely not?

We don’t need another brooch of death at this time of year.

Especially when Christine’s Peter has organised a birthday lunch for her at Grey Gables (his orchestra is in Berlin). Even Jim is invited … which has raised a few eyebrows.

Jill – stay away from a brooch as a gift.

Christine – get on and marry Jim


Tony calls Sharon

But gets her husband Eamon.

[Eamon] “What the blazes are you playing at?”

[Tony] “I don’t want to bother you …”

[Eamon] “Then don’t … haven’t you and your wife hurt her enough already”

[Tony] “I’m not trying to hurt anyone”

[Eamon, fuming] “Then what are you up to? Trying to wreck my son’s head this time, going on about his biological father, cause it isn’t going to happen. We’re not going to have anything to do with you … then understand this, if you bother me and my family again I’m going to get very very angry, got it!”

But Tony calms him down by asking him to at least listen to what he has to say, as one father to another.

[Tony] “I’m absolutely desperate., I’ve got no one else to turn to. Since Pat found out about Rich, she’s been going through hell … as a father yourself, perhaps you can understand a little why she did … when you lose a child the pain is unbearable”

[Eamon, becoming reasonable] “Yeah. Okay, it must be”

[Tony] “I just want you to understand what a death like that does to you. You never get over it, never. You simply learn to keep going. To put the pain in a box … I don’t know how to explain. Finding out about Rich has ripped that open again”

[Eamon] “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone”

[Tony] “Now my wife is spiralling down into the most terrible depression”

[Eamon] “And that must be hard from you, but from what Sharon’s says, she’s only got herself to blame”

[Tony] “I haven’t rung to lay blame. Or to deny that wife and I have made mistakes in the past … all I’m asking is for you to show some compassion to your son’s grandmother … I’m seriously worried about her. If we could meet him. Even once … “

[Eamon] “There’s no way Sharon will go for that … you can’t expect me to do a song and dance routine for you”

So Eamon only agrees to tell Sharon that Tony called. And even to that, he can’t promise that Sharon will listen. He reckons Tony is just wasting his breath.

Very brave of Tony to try, but sounds futile.

Unless grandparents have some rights under the law?

Or, Sharon has a rush of festive spirit?

The Archers Thursday 1st December 2011: The Mart opens (formal, this time)

• David’s more stressed than his beast
• Brian’s paranoid
• The case of the red coat(s)
• Brian didn’t like a mention of Mandy Beesborough
• There was buzzing
• Ruth fluffing the beast …
• I thought it was a mayoress
• A gorgeous Ayrshire
• Brookfield finely balanced
• Joe does a cracking PR job

David’s more stressed than his beast

[David] “You want all year to make a good impression at the Christmas Prize Stock Show”

David is impressed by the facilities at the new Mart – which makes at least one Ambridge resident.
Eddie’s flat out making sure everyone knows where to now go at the new Mart. He sounds happy enough, but thinks having a cup of tea at the nearby garden centre doesn’t compare with the few pints he used to have at the Seven Bells.

The price of progress.


Brian’s paranoid

He won’t even let them switch the Christmas lights on, in case is shorts the electricity again.
Scrooge.

Though, he does let them switch them on after the sale. After all, if they go out, he won’t be bothered by it. He’ll be on holiday.

The case of the red coat(s)

[David] “Annabelle Shrivener looks dazzling today”

[Eddie] “Out of our league, anyroad”

(later on, when Eddie chats to Annabelle in front of Clarrie, it seemed Clarrie was a bit jealous. Surely not, after 30 years?)

Seems she’s wearing a red coat and a Cossack hat.

[Jennifer] “What a lovely coat. Not everyone can wear scarlet …”

(meow)

[Annabelle] “I think it’s closer to cherry red …”

But didn’t Lilian buy a new red coat the other day?

Yup.

Right enough.

Turns out it’s the same red coat.

The shame.

Clarrie also didn’t make much of Annabelle’s hat.

[Clarrie] “Looks like an overweight cat sat in her head!”

Brian didn’t like a mention of Mandy Beesborough

Brian was talking to the Lord Lieutenant.

Seems he owns Stornton Manor.

Which struck a memory for Annabelle.

[Annabelle] “Didn’t he have a fling with Mandy Bereesborough?”

[Brian] “Did he? Oh …”

And he deftly switches the conversation …


There was buzzing

Brian panicked at the sound of buzzing from the sound system. When that happened the other day,. The whole electrics blew.

Annabelle said she didn’t hear it.

But we did.

Never mind. It didn’t short out.


Ruth fluffing the beast …

While David put his white jacket on.

Only in farming.


I thought it was a mayoress

But Brian welcomed Mr Major.


A gorgeous Ayrshire

David didn’t even place.

Which he’s gutted about.

Seems everyone’s eye was taken by a rather spiffing looking Ayrshire.

[Eddie] “That winning Ayrshire was gorgeous, perfectly balanced, style and class …”

[David] “Surly beggar … “

(the farmer of the Ayrshire, not the Ayrshire itself)

[Ruth] “You can’t win every year, pet”

[Ben] “Well I think the judge is a loser. We’ll prove him wrong dad. We’ll get tonnes and tonnes of Christmas orders!”

Brookfield finely balanced

Ruth now wants to switch to a new milk processor to get a better deal, but David is worried about wrecking their reputation.

[Ruth] “Well, we’ve got to do something. One sudden big expense and that’s us in trouble”

Joe does a cracking PR job

Brian’s glowing from the success of the official Mart launch, but bad news awaits him in the Echo:
It’s light out for the new cattle market

[Jennifer] “And I think they’re found their angle … freezing pensioner queued in vain for a hot drink when the electrics failed … they spent millions on this new-fangled market and UI could get a cup of tea … the plucky pensioner … there was wartime spirit, chuckled veteran Joe, Senior Executive of Grundy Enterprises and star of Radio Borchester’s Joe’s Jotties”

Joe managed to also mention his holly, and got a plug in for the nearby garden centre.

[Brian, laughing] “Oh, the old rogue!”

The Archers Friday 11th November 2011: Brian’s been fibbing to Debbie

(and I still find it strange that Debbie calls him ‘dad’)

• Debbie’s fresh from the Hungarian plains
• Susan still isn’t convinced about those rings
• Kylie makes up her mind about Clive
• Andrew is very dull indeed
• Kylie doesn’t remember the caravan
• Brian blames Lilian

Debbie’s fresh from the Hungarian plains

According to Brian.

She’s back over for a Borchester Land meeting about the Super Dairy.

Jennifer is upset on two accounts. Firstly, that Debbie isn’t stopping over – she’s here for the meeting then back to Hungry again.

And second, about Adam’s feeling about the Super Diary.

But Brian reassures Debbie that he’s sorted everything with Adam.


Susan still isn’t convinced about those rings.

She thinks Clive cheated Bert out of them.

[Susan] “Mum would never have left those rings to Clive. Never. Not in a million years … rings don’t go to sons, they go to daughters … Clive got hold of him when he was upset and vulnerable, got round him with his smarmy cheating lies, or just plain bullied him. Preying on a defenceless man … I can’t believe I was so stupid. I’ll never believe a word he says ever again”

Here’s hoping.

But either way, I don’t think we’ve heard the last of Clive yet.


Kylie makes up her mind about Clive

She doesn’t want to see him again nor have any contact with him.

All that after one meeting. Kirsty is quite an astute judge of character, methinks.


Andrew is very dull indeed

He’s on the BL Board, so was at the meeting about the Super Dairy, but I missed most of what he said.

Very dull indeed.

He seemed to be quizzing Debbie about the size of the Dairy.

And the main point I heard him say (between dozing) was that he’d heard Adam wasn’t backing Home Farm’s involvement.

Which was actually quite important.

BL don’t want to make any decisions until Adam (so the whole of Home Farm) is supportive of the project.

So, no decisions about the Super Dairy until January. Which give Brian ample time to brood about it.


Kylie doesn’t remember the caravan

Nor anything else about her time at Bridge Farm. Apart from her mum always being stressed out when they were there.

But she’s met Pat, who she likes.

Kylie had a thirteen year old brother called Rich, and has a stepdad called Eamon. Eamon has been with Sharon for quite a while, and Kylie sees him as her dad proper.

So, really no need for a Clive in her life. Thank goodness.

Susan even reckons that Clive walking out on them was the best thing he’s ever done.


Brian blames Lilian

For telling that Andrew about Adam not backing the Super Dairy.

Debbie isn’t best pleased with Brian, as he’d earlier told her that he and Adam had reached “an understanding”.

But, Brian now claims that the understanding was that he and Debbie wanted the Super Diary, so could carry on regardless as they had the majority share between them.

Is it just me, or is Brian being a bit thick?

Debbie would have found out that Adam was still against the plans, and would have also found out that Brian had basically told Adam that he was being outvoted.

And – now that Debbie knows – she reckons the whole project is “dead”.

No Adam. No Super Dairy.

Sweet talk your way out of that one, Brian.

The Archers Wednesday 12th October 2011: Debbie presents … the Super Dairy!

• You’re not a woman if you don’t say anything?
• Conflict of interest, surely?
• “What’s not to like?”
• Tom’s oblivious
• Why doesn’t Brian want Debbie to tell Adam?

You’re not a woman if you don’t say anything?

Annabelle was very welcoming to Debbie at Borchester Land’s Board meeting.

Seems she was glad to have another woman.

Seems Barbara doesn’t count as she doesn’t utter a word.


Conflict of interest, surely?

Brian and Debbie have already discussed that Home Farm would be part of the Super Dairy project.

He doesn’t chair the Board meeting, as he has an obvious interest, but he hasn’t exactly told the Board that he’s planning to directly profit.

Seems he’s “playing his cards close to his chest”. Which he’s often apt to do.

[Annabelle] “And create fascinating possibilities out of airy nothing”

“What’s not to like?”

Debbie’s presentation to the BL Board went along the lines of:

[Debbie] “What I’m proposing would simply be a high performance, high welfare, high profitability dairy enterprise of which there are many in mainland Europe”

She reckons it makes good business sense – good farming sense – good environmental sense:

[Debbie] “What’s not to like?”

So Debbie’s plan is to have 1,000 cows each producing 10,000 litres of milk per lactation. They’ll be fed almost entirely fed by crops grown on the estate. The running costs are seemingly high BUT if Home Farm comes in, they can feed an extra 500 cows, with the same running costs but higher return.

(crafty Brian – very crafty)

The BL Board does ask about whether it’d put other farms at risk – whether BL would be alienating their actual Mart customers. And what about the milk markets not being guaranteed? And the cost of feed, especially if crops fail?

But Debbie reckons that they’re a different market to the traditional dairy farms. And that the estate will control its own costs – plus it’ll be a large enough customer to be able to strongly negotiate with suppliers.

So what does the Board vote?

A resounding Yes.

Oh my.

Ambridge residents won’t be pleased at all.

I predict Lynda and a placard …


Tom’s oblivious

Pat and Tony had just helped birth two calves. It doesn’t lighten the mood, though.

[Pat] “I can raise them, but I can’t sell their products”

In that frame of mind, the last thing they needed was Tom’s ‘good’ news.

He comes bursting in to tell them that Underwoods has agreed to sell tom Archers’ Borchester Sausages.

[Tom] “This proves it. Rebranding will solve our problems. This could be a turning point for all of us!”

Sorry – but is Tom really that thick? Does he have an utter lack of empathy? Is he actually a sociopath?

As Tony and Pat discuss later on:

[Pat] “I feel dreadful I can’t be as happy as he can … I don’t want him to think I begrudge him his success”

[Tony] “Pat, he was so high in it he didn’t really notice how we were reacting”

As Pat says – she and Tony out everything they had into the Bridge Farm brand. She personally worked so hard on getting into Underwoods in the first place, and was rightly proud of what they’d achieved.

[Pat] “Then it came all crashing down”

Tom really does need a slap. Fair enough that he gets on with making his business a success, but not without any tact around his poor folks.


Why doesn’t Brian want Debbie to tell Adam?

Adam knows Debbie is back over, but doesn’t know she’s presenting to the BL Board.

Brian’s lied to him, and said Debbie’s back to help Jennifer not be so lonely – and he’s also sent Adam out to break apart and sort the combine, to distract him.

Hmmm.

Adam’s a partner alongside Brian and Debbie in the Home Farm business, so he has to agree.

[Debbie] “Let’s hope I can have the same effect on Adam”

[Brian] “Slow down, there no rush … tricky conversation”

What’s Brian’s issue?

They should have told Adam in the first place.

But surely Debbie would be better breaking the news?

The Archers Tuesday 16th August 2011: Bones found at the Mart site

• But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?
• Pat had to wear lady shoes
• Are archaeologists really that busy?
• Jennifer gets excited about old bones

But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?

Brian gets a call from Cliff Alladay (The Mart’s Project Manager), and heads straight off to deal with a problem.

Jennifer’s not happy about that. It means he can’t go with her and Ruairi to buy Ruairi’s school kit.

Would seem it’s a seminal moment in any young (public school) boy’s life.
 
Pat had to wear lady shoes 

To her and Tony’s interview at Environmental Health.

Blimey!

Pat’s also worried about the interview. It could lead to a prosecution..

[Tony] “This is environmental health, not Scotland Yard … try to not let the situation intimidate you”

Easier said than done, but quite nice to hear Tony being the positive one in the know.

It sounded like most of the interview went well. Pat only sounded unsure (and a bit panicked) about the last time she’d put her staff through a refresher course – including 48 hour rule and such.

After their interview, Pat and Tony find that the village shop in Penny Hasset and the whole food shop in Darrington have cancelled their orders – AND the wee girl ill in hospital now has kidney problems.

So what’s Tom’s solution?

Take Bridge Farm’s confidence in their product further afield – places like Birmingham and Bristol (where, one assumes, they haven’t heard of the E. coli outbreak).

Hmmm. Wonder if German salad folks found that they managed to survive by finding new markets …

Are archaeologists really that busy?

Cliff has been trying to get one out to the Mart site to have a look at the bones one of the workers discovered.

But seems they’re all out on calls.

Surely not? I’d have thought their work could wait … after all, it’ll have been there for a fair while already.

Anyway – first signs are that the bones are cattle (they found a cattle skull).

But, finding the bones, having to report them, trying to find an archaeologist who doesn’t have another archaeological emergency, all means delays. Which can’t happen if the Mart project is going to hit the Council deadlines.

[Brian] “We’ve been knocked sideways by something entirely unpredictable”

Brian is angry, but one also assumes slightly pleased to be able to tell Annabelle ‘I told you so’.

Jennifer gets excited about old bones

After getting back in from the Mart site, all Brian wants is a large whisky (though he should get it himself rather than telling Jennifer to get him one. Lazy so and so. And I do hope it is whisky rather than whiskey …).

What he also gets with his whisky is a side order of rather inappropriate excitement from Jennifer.

[Jennifer] “Was anything else found, I mean pottery or jewellery … how interesting!”

Brian hopes it isn’t anything ‘interesting’:

[Brian] “Then it’d be littered with people in dungarees with teaspoons”

With her old local historian hat on, Jennifer reckons that the Mart site was part of a major roman road and that the Earl of Essex’s army billeted nearby in 1642.

[Jennifer] “There could very well be ancient remains, it could be a very important find”

Brian is most decidedly not excited nor amused. He’s only worried about delays, and what it could cost him.

The Archers Wednesday 15th June 2011: Adam – an unlikely cupid

• Brian doesn’t get his way
• Can I go to Ruairi’s school?
• Does one generally “get used” to a noisy neighbour?
• “nice English boyfriends”
• Harry’s ready to move to Poland
• Jennifer isn’t the author of Mistress of the Paddocks?
• Lilian Vs Annabelle
• Enjoying Adam and Jennifer

Brian doesn’t get his way

Which would be a shocker, if it hadn’t just been over that rather dull Mart …

Brian didn’t want to go for an early completion date, and reckon the bonus payment from the Council wouldn’t be worth the risk.

But Lilian reckons the bonus payment more than covers the risk, and their wonderful project manager means they won’t miss the deadlines anyway. So there is no real risk.

When it went to Board vote, they went with Lilian.

[Lilian] “There are no hard feelings, I hope, the best woman won!”

Ah – a rare moment for Lilian, to be able to gloat over Brian. What bliss!


Can I go to Ruairi’s school?

[Brian] “85 acres of land, woods, little streams, children encouraged to play out there … That’s the kind of childhood we want for Ruairi”

Aye – that’s also the sort of adulthood I’d want for myself!

So looks like they’re found the perfect place for Ruairi. It’s particularly ideal not just because of the of the little streams, but also because it’s a Catholic boarding schools that “takes everyone”.

Marvellous.



Does one generally “get used” to a noisy neighbour?

On Jonti Waters at No.3 The Green

[Brian] “One man noise pollution zone, that’s what I hear”

[Lilian] “Storm in a teacup, darling. They’ll get used to him”

Hmm.

I, for once, disagree with Lilian. And wouldn’t have thought Tom and Brenda are the type to suffer even the most minor of irritations.



Adam hopes the picker “girls found nice English boyfriends”

Adam’s walking the wheat, when Harry finds him to ask if he can go on the pickers trip to Felpersham Pottery.

[Harry] “I’m quite interested in China, my mum collects it, so I can tell her all about it …"

Course, Adam isn’t daft, and knows Harry wants to go on the trip to be with Zofia.

[Harry] “It’s not very cool being so obvious … I wouldn’t like to think I’m being as crassly obvious as Jazzer”

Harry reckons that he and Zofia genuinely have something in common, whereas Jazzer really just wants to get his leg over. At least Harry can:

[Harry] “ …I can raise my gaze above her … chest”

Adam seems to agree that Harry would be a better prospect for Zofia, and is also glad that Jazzer hasn’t signed up for the Pottery outing. He said something about Jazzer being like a Bull being in a China Shop …

[Adam] “I’d rather the girls found nice English boyfriends”

Which isn’t Jazzer, I suppose. As he isn’t necessarily nice. Nor English.

(and why English? Will Welsh, Scottish, Irish, France. American, African, Turkish, Norwegian etc etc etc not do?)


Harry’s ready to move to Poland

Adam pointed out that even though Jazzer’s intentions towards Zofia may not include longevity, it is inevitable that any liaison with Zofia will be short lived. She’ll be going home to Poland after the season.

Harry then started talking about going to Poland with her, getting a job …

… steady on Harry! That sort of talk is bound to scare the lass away good and proper!



Jennifer isn’t the author of Mistress of the Paddocks?

Seemingly Jennifer is still on chapter one of Mistress of the Paddocks.

I thought she wasn’t ready it, as she’d actually written it. Unbeknownst to everyone else.

But:

[Jennifer] “It’s so tedious, full of clichés you wouldn’t believe, one a sentence … I thought rubbish was supposed to be easier to read … I’ve learned my lesson, and next time it’s Middlemarch”

So – if not Jennifer – who is the author?

They’re local, but that’s all we know.

Joe Grundy?



Lilian Vs Annabelle

Surprisingly, Annabelle back Lilian, rather than Brian, at the Board vote.

[Annabelle] “I judge the matter on its merit, you made a better case … you’ve got a good coach, haven’t you … come on Lilian, Matt’s fingerprints are all over this deal!”

[Lilian] “I think people are allowed to talk things over with their partners … oh, sorry, of course, you wouldn’t know …”

(meow!)

Annabelle, while in admiration of Matt’s business prowess, doesn’t agree with his business ethics.

As Lilian obviously still has an issue with Annabelle (Lilian thinks Annabelle may have had intimate adult moments with Matt while he and Lilian were briefly separated a while back), Annabelle has a weak spot to aim for:

[Annabelle] “I have some very fond memories if our time together … a pity it came to such a bad end …”

Didn’t Annabelle refuse Matt?

But, of course, Lilian doesn’t know that.

Meow also to Annabelle!


Enjoying Adam and Jennifer

That I am.

Adam’s on very good form at the moment, as is his mum.

They’re having a natter about Jazzer and Harry chasing after Zofia.

Adam reckoned “the gates of heavens opened” when he told Harry that he would reserve a seat next to Zofia, guaranteeing Harry ‘quality’ time with her. Of course, on their last trip out, Jazzer managed to bag that seat.

[Jennifer] “The contest of romantic archetypes”

[Adam] “Jazzer and Harry? The lout and the lover …”

[Jennifer] “They both have recognisable wooing technique”

[Adam] “ I wouldn’t call what Jazzer does wooing”

[Jennifer] “A little rough and ready maybe, but he’s only trying to sweep Zofia off her feet”

[Adam] “Or onto the nearest available flat surface”

[Jennifer] “He might have a softer side …”

[Adam] “He’s hiding it well”

[Jennifer, now talking about Harry] “Underneath that polite exterior he might be a bubbling cauldron of passion”

At that remark, Adam reckons Mistresses of the Paddocks seems to be rubbing off on Jennifer.

They’re interrupted by Jazzer telephoning to say that he now also wants to go on the Pottery trip. The news of which seems to make Adam really happy.

[Adam] “Who am I to stand in the way of primeval male forces?”

[Jennifer] “Jazzer and Harry squabbling over a strawberry picker, it’s hardly DH Lawrence”

Jennifer thinks Adam’s glee at this situation is just him amusing himself.

[Adam] “Beats looking at old China, doesn’t it?”

Indeed.

But best watch your step. Harry and Jazzer could easily turn nasty. Infact, maybe Zofia will turn nasty ... all this male attention must be quite dull.

The Archers Friday 25th March 2011: Elona and Brian

• Cliff is the right choice
• Jill has a mocha
• Jolene’s thinking about weddings
• Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years
• All this talk of puddings …
• No-one has warned Elona?
• Jamie needs space
• The Bull’s Royal Wedding
• Just tell them!

Cliff is the right choice

Brian and Annabelle have chosen the Project Manager for the Mart – some bloke called Cliff who has ‘done’ a shopping centre.

Hmmm.

The only interest I have in the mart is Lilian. She manages to liven up even the dullest of Ambridge happenings!


Jill has a mocha

And also finds the seating in Jaxx to be to her liking.

[Jill] “Oh yes, this is comfortable. I’m never sure about leather furniture”

Jolene’s thinking about weddings

[Jolene] “Hello sailor!”

[Kenton] “What you thinking about”

[Jolene] “Weddings”

Steady!

Before we (and Kenton) have a heart attack – Jolene’s talking about the forthcoming Royal nuptials.

Actually … Kenton didn’t sound too upset to hear Jolene say weddings.

And, ‘what are you thinking about’ isn’t the words of a man taking it too slow …




Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years

And she doesn’t sound too perturbed by it.

Progress indeed.

However, Jill is in a ponderous mood.

[Jill] “It’s made me step back and ask some really big questions … indulge me … is the effort of running Lower Loxley worth the risk to your health … it crossed my mind, you don’t have to run the place, you could walk away”

Course – Elizabeth isn’t interested.

Jill does make some sense – Lower Loxley is in Trust, so it wouldn’t be lost to a hotel chain.

[Elizabeth] “It’s not what Nigel would have wanted.”

[Jill] “I don’t think Nigel would have wanted you to suffer”

[Elizabeth] “It’s Freddy’s future”

(my word – does that sort of thinking still really exist? That it’s automatically the boy who inherits?!? What a difference between Elizabeth and David – Pip looks like the chap for Brookfield).

[Elizabeth] “It’s not just bricks and mortar … his vision … it is Nigel”

But, where Jill loses one argument, she gains a small victory. Elizabeth is thinking of getting someone in to help cope with the office.


All this talk of puddings …

… has gained a great result.

[Jill] “I’m making a treacle pudding for the children … and Lewis”

No-one has warned Elona?

Peggy introduces Brian to Elona as he arrives to collect her from seeing Jack.

Elona’s Jack’s favourite staff member. I wonder if Brian can also see her charms …

While Brian takes a business call, Peggy settles down to find out more about Elona.

She’s from Albania.

[Elona] “I was brought up on a farm … modest, you know … there was no so much land for us both to stay there, and I not interested”

Elona then worked in a bar, where she met hubby-to-be Darren (or Terry – I heard Darren, but the BBC reckons Terry – anyone else hazard a guess?), who is from Coventry. She married him, settled in the UK and has two girls.

Her husband is a builder, who often works away from home. For weeks on end at a time.

Hmmm.

Not sure how ‘pretty’ she is (according to Brian’s standards), but high-time he was making jiggy again with someone other than Jennifer. Just for a bit of light relief … for us all.


Jamie needs space

Kenton and Jolene decide to keep giving Jamie space until he gets used to them.

After all, he is still speaking to Fallon.

Lucky, lucky Fallon!


The Bull’s Royal Wedding

So far – we have the wedding shown on a big screen and union jack bunting round the outside.

The menu is proving a bit tricky.

Kenton reckoned Coronation Chicken. And Windsor soup.

“Thin brown soup, followed by cold curry”

So that was quickly kyboshed.

Jolene had a fair few good ideas – roast beef and horseradish sandwiches – lamb – treacle sponge …

[Jolene] “I do like a nice trifle, though. Or how about queen of puddings”

[Kenton] “Ah, but she’s not the queen. As yet.”

(or ever!)

But what was Jolene on about when she mentioned Rhys’ idea of Anglesey eggs for the veggies?

Prince William being stationed there is a bit of a tenuous link for a wedding celebration, even though they sound quite nice indeed (leeks, boiled eggs, cheesy mash).

Tell you what – Ambridge knows how to celebrate a Royal Occasion! Bunting, beef and boiled eggs – oh my!




Just tell them!

Kenton had popped in to see Jolene, but had to go with Brian and Peggy to sit down as they assumed he was at a loose end.

Just tell them, for goodness sake!

Brian may have chocked on his non-alcoholic beer and korma – Peggy may have dropped her tuna sandwich – but you’re two adults who can choose to be together regardless of what anyone else thinks.

The Archers Wed 17th Nov 2010: Topical inserts – Will & Kate, Cornwall Flooding

The Archers: Lamb and veg … the postman might slip … Helen’s heading for a fall

• “Is it wise to have braised lamb on a bed of mash with all the veg?”
• The first Mart meeting
• Ian’s menu is sparky
• Peggy worries for the postman
• Hilary Noakes won £6
• Helen’s in agony
• Tea and a sandwich
• Topical Inserts ahoy!

“Is it wise to have braised lamb on a bed of mash with all the veg?”

Brian seemed to think so.

But I’m with Annabelle.

A large lunch does not make for a productive afternoon.



The first Mart meeting

Despite Annabelle’s ascertain that

“Inaugural meetings barely amount to much”

Matt (via Lilian) didn’t want to let anything pass without comment.

[Annabelle] “Anyone else feel we were at an old fashioned séance … with Lilian busily channelling Matt”

Seemingly the phrase “I broadly agree” is a very Matt phase – which generally, when uttered by Matt, meant that he actually want to trash the plan he was ‘broadly’ agreeing to.

Lilian reckons she’s already constantly being “steamrolled”, and is making sure Amside’s issues are being recorded.

But it’s only going to get more and more complicated as Matt tries to control the project while not being able to be directly be involved.

Despite Lilian not actually managing to get the results Matt wants (so far), she’s at least having a go. And Annabelle also appreciates Lilian providing a dissenting voice. Even if that voice is actually Matt.

[Brian] “If she takes out a large Havana and playing with a cigar cutter, we’ll know she’s completely possessed”

Ian’s menu is sparky

And he seemingly did a grand job as the Great Magini at Ruairi’s birthday party.

Do we foresee a career change?

I’d not be sure about how Adam would look as Ian’s glamorous assistant. I don’t picture him as being able to pull off a tasselled bikini …



Peggy worries for the postman

Nabbed by Lilian outside (in the cold) sweeping up the leaves, Peggy’s worried that if left, the postman might slip.

As, bless her wee cotton socks.

Peggy was also passing the time after Lilian didn’t turn up in time for lunch.

How rude!


Hilary Noakes won £6

At the Race Night.

And her bragging contributed to Lilian being late for Peggy’s lunch.

See the dangers of gambling!


Helen’s in agony

[Lilian] “Silly girl has been dragging herself in … she can barely stand up”

Helen still isn’t taking it easy.

Goodness know why. As a self-employed person, I’d be more than delighted to have a real reason to take time off.

It’s also strange that Helen can be so aware of her body (in terms of calories), but so unaware of when her body is also craving rest.

Lilian did persuade her to go home – and then also followed her home in her car to make sure that she’d be able to drive okay (big tummies and steering wheels don’t mix).

Oh dear. You know when Lilian takes notice, something has to be wrong.



Tea and a sandwich

Helen took the tea, but refused a sandwich.

Which is surely a shame. I think Peggy would make a cracker of a sarnie.

Worried about Helen after hearing from Lilian that she was in a bad way, Peggy popped round to try and help.

Helen’s actually sat there, tracking the shop online.

Take five minutes off, for goodness sake lassie!

As much as Peggy is a dear for taking the time to check Helen, she isn’t quite ready to be wholly supportive of Helen having a baby by herself:

[Peggy] “Oh … it’s such a shame … I do wish you weren’t going through all this on your own … I remember how exhausting and difficult being pregnant can be”

[Helen] “It’s all been easier than I expected … I seem to be managing perfectly well by myself”

Are you Helen? Are you, really?




Topical Inserts ahoy!

The BBC are claiming credit yet again for putting ‘topical inserts’ into tonight’s ‘episode.

Peggy mentioned to Helen that she’d be watching daytime TV, which is not a normal habit for her, but she’d become hooked on the announcement that there’s a soon-to-be Royal wedding.

[Helen] “They look quite comfortable together”

[Peggy] “He seems quite romantic … She seems a very level headed girl, and a very good age to get married” (hint, hint Helen!)

Then Peggy even managed to notice the flooding in Cornwall. Which, my fine fellow Archers folks, is not even in Ambridge.