Tuesday, 30 November 2010

The Archers Tues 30th Nov 2010: Helen has names for her baby

  • “Little Sid will see what a lovely person big Sid was”
  • Quite right Kenton!
  • Fallon’s dicing with death-by-Lynda-Snell
  • Jolene’s sewer of a mind
  • Helen in eating shock!
  • What more do we have to give?

“Little Sid will see what a lovely person big Sid was”

Ah, a nice idea to give wee Sid a nice photo of a happy big (now dead) Sid.

Funny that. I don’t remember him ever being that jolly …

Quite right Kenton!

It’s not often I agree with our Kenton, but he was quite right to step in and harass that antiques dealer if he was being dodgy

[Kenton] “I couldn’t just stand by and watch my dear poor aunty be ripped off”

Of course, it’s probably the way Kenton went about it that’s set Elizabeth off on one again. I can just imagine his macho posturing.

[Kenton] “I am now persona non grata at Lower Loxley until the end of the Antiques Fair”

Poor chap. He also can’t get anyone to go to lunch with him, and even resorts to begging Helen and Ian to let him join them.

Fallon’s dicing with death-by-Lynda-Snell

Cripes! Fallon has some nerve saying that Lynda’s panto script is a “bit rubbish in parts”

I would even utter that if I was on a different planet from Lynda. She has her way of hearing these things …

Jolene’s sewer of a mind

Jolene mistook Fallon for saying she’d been doing something rather more intimate with Harry than rhyming couplets

[Fallon] “Then we got a bit carried away … one you start you … once you get into the rhythm of it, it’s hard to stop”

Come on Jolene – keep up! Fallon and Harry are starring together in the panto.

Still, it’s nice that Jolene even registers when someone is speaking to her. It was oh so different just a few months ago.

Helen in eating shock!

Ian’s been a quiet as of late, and certainly wasn’t around to berate Helen for getting too anxious about food and exercise while pregnant.

But now that Helen’s a bit happier – up he pops.

Hmmm. Smacks a bit of ‘fair-weather friend’. Which I hate even thinking, as we all do love a bit of Ian.

Anyhoo, Ian’s offers to sort the nursery will at least stop Helen painting the flat again.

[Ian] “I’m not having this baby come into this world without a properly equipped nursery”

Aw, sweet!

Which is the exact opposite to Tony’s behaviour. I really do feel for Helen about Tony still not accepting the inevitable:

[Helen] “But no amount of disapproval will make this baby go away … I so want him to celebrate his grandchild, but he just won’t … it makes me so sad”

Despite her problems with her dad, Helen does seem a bit perkier. A chat with Amy really seems to have done wonders.

[Helen] “I really am going to try and relax some more … and eat”


And, she’s also even though of some names – Henry for a boy, Megan for a girl.

Henry Archer or Megan Archer – we await you with eager anticipation! And we’ve started a fund for the therapy you’ll need to untie those mother’s apron springs …

What more do we have to give?

That’s gratitude for you.

Harry makes a website and a Twitter profile. I even created a bloomin; Facebook cause (now at 540). The residents come up with ideas, do a lot of the work AND put money through the till. Even the BBC made t-shirts (though I doubt The Bull say any of that income!).

After all that, Jolene is still thinking of “jacking the pub in”.

Ya boo to you!

Well, actually, to be fair, Jolene was talking to Kenton about how

[Jolene] “Every bit of it (the pub) still reminding me”

But Kenton came back with some very sound advice (eh? Kenton???)

[Kenton, on running away to sea and Australia] “It wasn’t Ambridge I had a problem with … it was me”

[Kenton] “Why would you want to go somewhere that didn’t remind you of him?”

He has a point. Jolene doesn’t want to forget, just be able to move on.

By the way – if Kenton and Jolene are to ‘get it on’, can they do so quickly and quietly, please.

The Archers Monday 29th November 2010: Poor Lynda

The Archers: Panto misery … Helen’s misery … at least Fallon and Harry are having a laugh

  • “I suppose we could have guitar playing rats”
  • “If it was up to her, she’d have the baby in the stockroom …”
  • Fallon doesn’t understand her motivation
  • Phew for Amy!
  • Tony makes good?

“I suppose we could have guitar playing rats”

Lynda really has lost the plot.

Having lost Nathan Booth to a “lack of professionalism” (his words), Lynda’s becoming increasingly erratic.

After ignoring Fallon’s plea for a bit of understanding over her lateness due to Jolene wanting to do a bit of Christmas shopping (come on Lynda – Jolene interested in anything is something to be nurtured!), Lynda’s after Fallon's band-mate Rolla.

But he seemingly won’t go on stage without a guitar.

“If it was up to her, she’d have the baby in the stockroom …”

“ … and be back behind the counter an hour later”

So says Kirsty about Helen.

Tony’s also having a pop at Helen via Amy

“Do you come across this often? Young women having babies on their own … I think it’s crazy!”

On hearing that Helen is finding things a bit tough, Tony is even less sympathetic:

[Tony] “If she’s cracking under the strain now, what’s it going to be like when the baby arrives?”

Come on Tony. You’re going to melt eventually …

Fallon doesn’t understand her motivation

And she’s also brave enough to take on Lynda about her script@

[Fallon] “Alice is supposed to be quite a demur young woman, isn’t she? She's not the sort to go picking up men on the street!”

After questioning Lynda over Alice falling for a bit of a dirty Dick (fnar!), Fallon then gets far over excited about Harry’s ability to do rhymes.

Goodness me! Ask him out properly, Fallon. All of this giggling and mooning doesn’t become you.

And watch your back. Lynda was sounding very sniffy as you were tittering and rhyming away with Harry.

[Lynda] “We are not here to have fun … we are here to put on a show! Christmas shopping and general joviality take priority over their commitment to me”

All of which would be quite amusing, if Harry and Fallon hadn’t actually driven Lynda to tears.

Phew for Amy!

At last – Helen has someone to talk to who she actually trusts and believes (though I still don’t know why Helen won’t listen to her own, or any other, mum. Amy is only recently qualified)

[Helen] “is there any chance it’s something I’ve done – like not eating enough, taking too much exercise … could I have been depriving the baby of nourishment?”

Amy explained, reassured, relaxed.

Just in time for Helen (and the rest of us).

Tony makes good?

Popping round to drop off a casserole for Helen (which she froze rather than ate), Tony seems to have slightly mellowed towards Helen. Maybe Pat has got through to him. Maybe he realised that, like it or not, his daughter needs him.

[Tony] “Any time you do feel a bit down, for no matter what reason, … we’ll always be there for you”

The Archers Sun 28th Nov 2010: A church full of Archers

The Archers: All at Church ... Kenton's not wanted ... Lynda needs to get a grip

  • Waiting for a Wonder
  • Alan takes his chance for a guilt trip
  • Amy’s being interviewed
  • John: gone but not forgotten?
  • Kenton’s not welcome at the Lower Loxley Antiques Fayre
  • "Dick Whittington takes priority over Cheltenham!"

Waiting for a Wonder

Jill was certainly surprised to all her clan turn up for church – and even more so to hear Pip play Phil’s favourite advent hymn, Waiting for Wonder.

Where I normally have a moan about Ambridge only letting us eavesdrop in on ‘fillers’, I thought hearing the residents singing this hymn was a very fitting, and moving, tribute to our Phil.

And despite Pip reckoning she had:

“managed to stagger through without too many mistakes …it was a bit approximate”
I reckon, she did him proud.

Alan takes his chance for a guilt trip

Wasn’t Alan just revealing in giving all of those part-time church goers a hard time!

[Alan to Pat] “to what do we owe the pleasure?”

But he did soften at the sight of so many of Phil’s nearest and dearest paying tribute.

[Alan] “It’s lovely to see the church so full of archers”

Amy’s being interviewed

A return to Ambridge considering she’s being interviewed at Felpersham?

It could be perfect timing. Maybe Helen will listen to a qualified expert (though why other mums aren’t experts, I do not know).

She really does seem to be a chip of the old Alan-block. Immediately after hearing that Helen wasn’t having the easiest of times with her pregnancy, Amy makes practical and comforting sense:

“Babies are usually made to fit their mums”

John: gone but not forgotten?

My word – Pat at his graveside was the first mention of John Archer in many a moon.
Amy offers help

Kenton’s not welcome at the Lower Loxley Antiques Fayre

Bless. It’s because he ‘thinks’ he knows it all. And then starts arguments.

"Dick Whittington takes priority over Cheltenham!"

Oh dear.

Lynda is starting to lose the ‘plot’ a bit (see what I did there!)

Furious that folks have a life out with the Panto, Lynda is starting to relax her grip on reality.

Still, there is hope. According to Elizabeth, there’s plenty of time for Nigel to practise his prat falls …

The Archers Fri 26th Nov 2010: Helen’s worried she’s hurt her baby

The Archers: Tony’s got to scrape the yard … Helen’s making a batch of Borchester Blue … seemingly it isn’t okay to eat takeaway for breakfast (I beg to differ!)

  • Kenton and Jolene off to lunch again
  • “walking the path of sinfulness”
  • Helen’s baby is too small
  • Eddie is innocent
  • Is Tony coming round?

Kenton and Jolene off to lunch again

Kenton and Jolene happen to bump into each other. Kenton suggests Jolene goes to lunch with him at Jaxx, and Jolene agrees.

Doesn’t sound like the start of a steamy romance, but you just never know …

I must say that Jolene does seem to have a high tolerance for Kenton’s rather dated and rubbish sense of humour:

[when Kenton was pretending to be a guitar, Jolene:] “You’re a natural”

Hmmm. I’d have other words for it …

Anyhoo, Jolene was saying to Kenton that she feels she got more energy now.

Just in time for a steamy time with Mr K Archer?

“walking the path of sinfulness”

Kenton has a slight concern that he’ll be struck down by the Almighty as he tries to enter His house on Sunday (for the advent service).

Carrying on the religious theme, Kenton also calls David:

“my angelic little brother”


Is Kenton developing a conscience?

Helen’s baby is too small

I found it very odd that Pat didn’t notice Helen was close to tears at first (maybe that’s why Helen tends to hold it all in, in the first place).

But at least we now know why Helen was being a bit off after she had been to see the midwife.

Seemingly her baby is small for the stage it is at.

And Helen’s worried it’s her fault, for doing too much exercise.

[Helen] “For once in my life I just wanted something to go right for me”

[Pat] “Babies are really robust little things – they can hope with a lot (p)

[Pat] “You just have to realise, you can’t control everything”

[Helen] “I’m damaging it before it’s even been born”

Cripes. And there was me thinking Helen’s kid would only need specialist treatment from a psychiatrist.

Eddie is innocent

Eddie’s still protesting that he knew nothing about the gloop in the bucket he threw over Sabrina.

Nathan’s demonstrating his guilt by quitting the Panto.

Nathan claims he “couldn’t work in such an unprofessional environment”, but I think we can guess that he knew Eddie would do anything and everything to get him back. So probably best he wasn’t on stage in front of an audience when that happened.

Still, Eddie’s had to pay £45 to get Sabrina’s top dry cleaned. Which surely Eddie will get back through Karma – after all, Eddie only stung Nathan for trying to rip off a charity.

Is Tony coming round?

Pat’s talking to Tony about her concerns over Helen:

[Pat] “I think there’s something a lot deeper going on … she’s terrified that something awful is going to happen … because it always does, she said”

[Pat] “When you think how many things have gone wrong in her life … she’s desperate for something to go right at last … she’s pinning so much on this baby”

[Tony] “But it’s alright, we’ll look after her … both of us”

Does Tony really mean that?

The Archers Thurs 25th Nov 2010: Pip’s off to visit Uni

The Archers: The day after the night Eddie chucked ‘gloop’ at Sabrina … Pip’s pondering Uni … Deck the Halls still in its planning stage

  • Ambridge is ablaze with talk of Eddie and Sabrina
  • How did Ruth escape the Panto?
  • Should Ruth wear jeans?
  • Only 2 bullocks to slaughter
  • Welcome back Alistair!
  • Does Jill even know what “lame brain” means?
  • Nigel brings Bavaria to Borchester
  • Elizabeth’s after penniless students
  • No Joe Grundy at Deck the Halls
  • I can’t believe that worked for Jazzer!

Ambridge is ablaze with talk of Eddie and Sabrina

[David] “Sabrina gave Eddie a right old whack round the chops”

[David] “Lynda came over all Alan Sugar .. she fired him on the spot”
The biggest question of all: how do you get the gloop out of a sequined top?

How did Ruth escape the Panto?

Maybe Ruth has too strong a ‘regional’ accent to slot into the Panto, but she does seem to be one of the few residents to have escaped Lynda’s attentions.

But now that Eddie has been fired, Lynda’s going to be desperate.

[David] “Be careful if she descends on you with that determined look in her eye”

Should Ruth wear jeans?

I don’t know – Ruth gets a chance for a day out, and still she doesn’t grab the chance to live a little.

Thought it’s only accompanying Pip to an open day at Felpersham Uni, it’s still a day off the farm.

Go on Ruth. Slap a frock on.

Only 2 bullocks to slaughter

Cripes – there really is a lot of work Pip can do to help Brookfield become a more profitable farm.

They only need to slaughter two bullocks to fulfil their Christmas orders.

Pip’s probably going to do an agriculture with farm business management course. All she needs to do is get 2 B’s and a C.

Easy enough. ???????

After pushing Pip to College – then pushing her to go to Uni – it looks like Ruth is now going to push Pip to study a bit further away from home.

So that she can “step onto independence”.

True enough.

But David thinks it’d be less expensive and can also get into helping makes decisions at Brookfield if she stayed closer.


I’m still keeping my eye on young Josh …

Welcome back Alistair!

Not sure where you’ve been (or Shula … or Jim, for that matter), but nice to hear you again.

But it’s all a go-go for you.

First to look at a Brookfield cow, then onto Lower Loxley to look at a lame shire horse.

Maybe he should pop up again when he’s less busy, as his brain doesn’t seem to be engaged.

Why on earth did he tell Nigel that Daniel isn’t a good skater when Daniel’s trying for a job at Nigel’s skating rink?

Bad Alistair. Bad, bad, bad!

Does Jill even know what “lame brain” means?

I doubt it, let alone think it of her granddaughter.

Nigel brings Bavaria to Borchester

Wow! Lower Loxley’s Deck the Halls sounds quite marvellous this year.

Elizabeth’s after penniless students

Is Nigel not performing as he should?

(just jesting – Elizabeth’s only after students to work at Deck the Halls).

No Joe Grundy at Deck the Halls

What a travesty!

Joe has been replaced by a lantern maker.


That doesn’t sound half the fun.

I can’t believe that worked for Jazzer!

David’s retelling the tale that Harry got a text from Jazzer (…keeping up?) saying that he had “one satisfied customer”.

Ah come one! What’s Jazzer’s real secret?!?

The Archers Wed 24th Nov 2010: Eddie really upsets Sabrina

The Archers: Lynda buys a bar of chocolate for Robert … Jazzer in Ambridge Organics shock … Jazzer cooks (!) … Revenge is sweet

  • Jazzer’s cooking for his “wee lassie”
  • Pelvic exercises upset Tony
  • Christmas trees aren’t just for weans
  • Helen sounds odd
  • Sabrina makes even more audible noises
  • Just a filler?
  • The rats have lost their chemistry

Jazzer’s cooking for his “wee lassie”

My goodness – it’s a real surprise Jazzer gets any ladies interested when he has such a caveman grasp of language.

[Lynda] “So much nicer for your … ahem … lady friend if you’ve taken the trouble yourself”

[Jazzer] “It better have the desired effect … [Harry’s] staying at a mate’s the night in case it does, you know what I mean”

[Helen] “Too much information!”

(and Lynda quickly exits the shop to avoid hearing any more of Jazzer’s leering).

So Jazzer doesn’t know how to talk about, and to, women – plus his knowledge of food is far from impressive:

[Jazzer] “Gelatine – is that something you can eat?”

[Jazzer] “Pan-a-something”

[Kirsty] “Oh – panacotta”

And later, as Jazzer attempts to cook the food he so clearly doesn’t understand:

[Jazzer] “How will this no stay on … this flour and paparazzi?”


Pelvic exercises upset Tony

Tony nips into Ambridge Organics, while Helen’s there, to drop off the veg.

He and Helen sounded quite cold with each other – which Helen didn’t help by ta;lking to Tony avout her ante-natal classes.

The poor man really couldn’t cope with hearting about Helen’s pelvic excercises.

But he’s not letting go of Helen being wrong for having the baby by herself. He asked her about whether anyone else at the class didn’t have a partner there – which two others didn’t.

Is it just me, or is Tony more worried about Helen than angry?

It sounded like he just hates the thought of Helen being the odd one out – alone – different.

Isn’t that just him being a dad?

Christmas trees aren’t just for weans

They’re fur big yins an all!

Helen sounds odd

Well, odder than usual.

Back from her appointment with the midwife, Helen sounds a bit forlorn.

Oh dear.

Sabrina makes even more audible noises

What’s going on?

Is there going to a rash of ‘silent’ residents making noise?

Or is Sabrina building up to an actual word?!?

Sabrina sounds like she’s dolled herself up to the nines.

[Harry] “Sabrina’s pulled out the stops with her outfit”

[Lynda] “Oh that … it’s not very practical”

Seemingly Sabrina’s all dressed up as she’s joining Richard later on for drinks with his clients.

But hark – is that Sabrina’s shoes I hear a-clipping? And did she say “oh”, and also sighing when she had to exert herself while sharing a very small space onstage with Eddie and Nathan.

My oh my. Come out into the light, Sabrina Thwaite.

Just a filler?

Was is a really slow day in Ambridge?

Must have been. We were subjected to at least 5 minutes of Lynda giving stage instructions to the spound of shuffling and that odd ‘okay’ from Eddie.

The rats have lost their chemistry

Earlier on in the day, Eddie was being a bit too cocky about putting one over Nathan.

[Eddie on Nathan] “He’s been beaten by a master you see … he knows who is boss”

Well, we all know that pride comes before a fall.

As Eddie throws what is supposed to be a bucket of confetti over Sabrina, we hear Sabrina shreek, sob, then slap Eddie.

(again with the audible noises from Sabrina!)

Eddie has aeemingly just thrown something akin to wallpaper paste over Sabrina.

And then Lynda fires him.

Ah Eddie. Nathan was not a man to underestimate.

The Archers Tues 23rd Nov 2010: Supreme Champion Native Breed

The Archers: Pip has plans … a fruitful day at Mart for all … Pip’s caught at church

  • “He’s a good looking beast”
  • Pip reckons the future is in beef
  • “Look no further for your seasonal requirements”
  • Should we worry about Joe’s cough?
  • “He’ll look even better after a bit of titivating”
  • Jill and her coconut bra wearing men
  • Phew! That was a nail biting finish
  • The “unaliterated” truth
  • Farming is unemotional
  • Jill catches Pip at church

“He’s a good looking beast”

[Pip] “I’d love to see him in the ring”

[Pip] “Wonderful straight looking back”

[David] “And look at those legs!”

Nope, David and Pip aren’t eyeing up a potential new boyfriend for Pip – it’s only the steer they’re entering for a prize at the market.

Pip won’t be able to see him in action, but at least David, Ruth and Jill will get a nice day out.

Pip reckons the future is in beef

Unlike Tony’s reaction to Tom’s ideas for Bridge Farm, David seems more than delighted to have Pip gearing up to help make Brookfield more profitable.

Well, I suppose we’ll only really be able to tell when Pip really gets stuck in.

The only way Brookfield can support another adult is for income to go up – and David’s even thinking ahead to when the farm has to support Pip plus her family
(goodness me, that makes me feel so old!).

Pip reckons the money is in beef, and beef marketed well. She’s thinking a better website, more Farmer’s markets, selling to specialist shops … anything that means Brookfield can sell more beef direct, meaning a higher profit margin.

Heady stuff, but at least it got David smiling.

[David] “It’s just great that you’re so ambitious for the farm … you’re a chip off both of the old blocks”

“Look no further for your seasonal requirements”

So says Eddie, on behalf of himself and Joe, who have a stall at the mart.

Selling “traditional” mistletoe, holly and trees, they reckon on even managing to see a tree to Ruth and David.

[Joe] “You don’t want no fiddling collection of twigs lost on the corner!”

Should we worry about Joe’s cough?

Just as an aside, Joe seems to have a rather nasty cough at the moment.

I do hope all’s well …

“He’ll look even better after a bit of titivating”

We’ll take your word for that, David.

(he’s talking about his steer)

Jill and her coconut bra wearing men

Jill recognised the judge at the mart.

Seemingly he’s the butcher from Ashton’s on Bell Street.

[Jill] “The last time I saw him he was wearing a hula skirt and a coconut bra”

Each to their own, indeed.

Phew! That was a nail biting finish

That was so tense.

I really didn’t know what to do with myself when Brookfield’s steer looked like it might be getting moved down to third place.

But wait … the steer was getting moved up to first.


Well done David, Ruth and Pip.

The “unaliterated” truth

Bless Joe.

He’s had a cracking day with Eddie at the mart.

[Joe] “Looks like we both had a good morning, David Archer”

(and on his sales technique)

[Joe] “From me you’ll always get the pure unaliterated truth”

Joe and Eddie sold every tree, with a very high profit margin (not paying for trees + selling tress = 100% profit).

[Eddie] “I might make a return visit to ted Fernley in Penny Hassett ... know what I mean … avail myself of more of his trees”

[Joe] “But there’s a but … Clarrie … you know she’s a bit dubious about the man from Penny Hassettt”

[Eddie] “What Clarrie don’t know won’t hurt her, an you can't argue with 300 smackers, can ya?!?”

Oh Eddie. Even as you said that, you know it can’t be true.

Farming is unemotional

David got a certificate and a rosette – but what on earth did the steer get?

It was sold it into the judge. Who happens to be a butcher.

To add insult to injury, David then celebrates ‘his’ win by treating himself to a steak pie.

All that work, care and attention for nothing but money.

It’s like a lamb to slaughter …

Jill catches Pip at church

Cripes – it’s easy to see why David and Ruth were so appalled at Pip’s behaviour over Jude – she’s a model goody-goody!

Jill catches Pip at church, when Jill’s come to polish the lectern and Pip has her hands on the organ … poor Pip even has to pretend she doesn’t know how to switch it off.

[Pip] “I’ve come to dust off uncle Tom’s crib”

[Jill] “We’ll have you on the flower rota next!”

Bless. It’s all in a good cause. Despite the double entendres …

The Archers Mon 22nd Nov: Susan corners Jennifer

The Archers: Eddie’s latest scam … Selling for teas?!? … Food labelling

  • Eddie’s ‘found’ some Christmas trees
  • Will “can’t complain” about the shoot
  • “Only 3 weeks and we’ll be killing the turkeys”
  • Why does Ed get out of plucking turkeys?
  • The Muesli strikes back
  • Can someone explain “selling for teas”?
  • Jennifer walked right into that one!
  • Food labelling’s a hot topic in Ambridge

Eddie’s ‘found’ some Christmas trees


Eddie got up very, very early to get the trees.

He changes his tune from saying he ‘found’ them to Clarrie, to saying he’d actually “found a supplier” when he realised Will was in earshot.

The name of that supplier sounded like it’d been made up by Eddie on the spot:

[Eddie] “Fern … Fernie … Ted Fernie”

Will had never heard of this supplier’s tree nursery.

And Will reckoned that the trees looked like they’d been cut that very morning, and noticed there is a:

[Will] “chainsaw … in the van … with the trees”

[Will] “You’ve been helping yourself to someone’s trees!”

[Eddie] “William … I’m hurt … that my own son should be so suspicious … I’ve never heard the like!”

And later on:

[Eddie] “That’s the trouble with being a keeper …spending all that time on your own, it makes you paranoid”

[Will] “You bought them fair and square?”

[Eddie] “As I’m standing here”

[Will] “You’re sitting down”

[Eddie] “You know what I mean”

Even later still, Will was still on about those trees:

[Will] “Dad came home, all cocky like, with a bunch of Christmas trees … I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d nicked them … off of the estate”

[Nic] “Has he been tree rustling (tee hee!)”

[Will] “He’s cheeky enough … or is it stupid enough … he sees it all as fair game”

And to top it off, Will has a look round the estate, finding plenty of fresh stumps to suggest Eddie had indeed been tree rustling.

But can he prove it?

I reckon Eddie better watch his step.

Will’s not the most reasonable of blokes at best of times. With Emma pregnant, Nic getting a social life of her own and the prospect of Christmas day with Ed, he’s not a man to annoy just right now.

Will “can’t complain” about the shoot

But can complain about Nic going to the WI that evening.

Later on, he seemed to changed his tune and genuinely seemed quite happy to look after the kids so Nic could go out.

Is Will relaxing?

“Only 3 weeks and we’ll be killing the turkeys”

Cripes! Clarrie really knows how to make us panic about just how few days there are until the shops shut …

Why does Ed get out of plucking turkeys?

I think that’s a bit unfair on Will. And likely to only create yet more tension between the two.

Do Clarrie and Eddie favour Ed over Will?

The Muesli strikes back

Angela broke her tooth on her muesli, so Jean Harvey has had to cover her shift at the Village Shop.

Be careful out there.

Can someone explain “selling for teas”?

The other day Joe was seemingly hiding any profit from selling trap rides with Bartleby by saying it was for ‘teas’.

And not the shop has a “tea cosy”, which seems to be a table with stuff folks are “selling for teas”.

What does it all mean?

Jennifer walked right into that one!

Susan’s becoming a real master at snaring Jennifer into social evenings.

During a wee chat about how Kate was getting on (University, not College, by the way), Jennifer mentioned that Kate was going home to South Africa for Christmas.

Faster than a speeding bullet, Susan jumped in with:

[Susan] “Are you doing anything on … Christmas eve, say?”

[Jennifer] “No …”

(then realising what Susan was really aiming at)

[Jennifer] “ …um, well, I expect something will crop up”

[Susan] “We’re having a little do at our place, Just drinks and nibbles, you’d be ever so welcome”

[Jennifer] “Thank you Susan. We’d love to come. Obviously.”
(you could just hear the pain Jennifer was in as she said that!)
At the WI, Susan again corners Jennifer to make absolute sure.

[Susan] “Of course, you’re more than welcome to extend the invitation to the rest of the family”

[Jennifer] “I must remember to tell them …”

(sense the sarcasm in that last comment from Jennifer)

So there it is. Christmas Eve with the Alridges and Carters.

That’ll be great festive fun.

Food labelling’s a hot topic in Ambridge

Will did take the Michael out of Nic for going to the WI when the talk was about food labelling, but Nic reckoned it was at least a nice night out.

And despite appearances, the food labelling talk seemed to go down really well.

[Jennifer] “Excuse the pun … A great deal of food for thought”

[Nic] “If you buy a pie or something … if it says British on the label … you’d expect it to use British ingredients”

(Susan then waffled something about Neil saying it was an important issue, as the Brits do treat animals better)

[Nic] “I was just saying that I though British meant British”

All agree that while local produce has more information, it is more expensive.

But, that the practise of labelling the food in the country where the last substantial change was made is misleading. For example, bacon can be called British bacon even though it was only cured here. It says nothing about how the pigs were treated.

[Will to Nic] “Looks like it’s got your dander up … good!”

[Nic] “It’s made me think a lot more about cooking and things”

And with Ian doing the next talk, it looks like all things food are set to continue as a WI theme.

[Will] “Maybe I could come along”

[Nic] “I’ll lend you a skirt”

[Will] “… maybe not”

Ah come on Will. Pop a skirt on, and you can keep a proper eye on Nic.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

The Archers Sun 21st Nov 2010: Stir-up Sunday

The Archers: Helen is working … Kathy’s drunk herself asleep … Freddie is a bit dim … Jill is thinking of Phil

  • Helen’s spreading
  • I’d never heard of Mrs Miniver
  • Kathy’s round again
  • Poor Freddie isn’t the brightest spark
  • “Do you remember last year, when granddad helped us?”
  • The heifer is ready for AI
  • Tony won’t listen
  • Neither will Helen

Helen’s spreading

After trying to first work off those crusty bits (round the edge of the pie dish), Helen’s idea of spreading the workload (to take things easier, as everyone is nagging her to do) is to do a stocktake. On a Sunday.


[Pat] “Tony – you don’t feel this is a good idea?”

[Tony] “Well, you know what I think”

Helen has also decided that she’s going to work up to 2 weeks before her due date.

But all Tony can think to do is ask if Helen has a coat to wear back to the shop.

He’s still not accepting that Helen decided to have her baby by herself.

But, from the way Helen’s behaving, I somehow think Tony will have to step up to help, whether he likes the situation or not.

I’d never heard of Mrs Miniver

But it’s seemingly a classic that won 6 Oscars.

Kathy’s round again

So Tony’s off out to work rather than have to sit and listen to her moaning.

He later complained that she canned a while bottle of red wine.

Well, at least that made her fall asleep!

Poor Freddie isn’t the brightest spark

We’d know that for a while now, but Freddie’s lack of academic prowess is now proving to potentially block Elizabeth’s and Nigel’s plans for his education.

[Nigel] “Have to have a think about Freddie … he won’t pass the entrance exam”

[Elizabeth] “Such a shame it is all about this exam – such a sweet child”

Well and truly putting his nose up at the thought of Freddie having to go to Borchester Green if he fails the entrance exams, Nigel’s determined to make sure Freddie doesn’t fail in the first place.

[Elizabeth] “Why are you being so pessimistic?”

[Nigel] “I’m trying to be realistic … Freddie will have to work with Rosemary over Christmas”

[Elizabeth] “A fun maths lesson is hardly as fun as a snowball fight!”

Indeed Elizabeth!

And wait until Lilly finds out that she has to suffer maths throughout Christmas along with Freddie.

“Do you remember last year, when granddad helped us?”

As Elizabeth gets her two ready to go to Jill’s for their traditional Stir-up Sunday, he points out that his family missed out on such homely traditions:

[Nigel] “The only thing my mother ever stirred up was trouble”

For us Ambridge Eavesdroppers, Stir-up Sunday now also holds a special significance, as it was the last time we heard Phil Archer speak.

A poignant day, but one still enjoyed by the family.

[Jill] “Do you remember last year, when granddad helped us? He found a sixpence with the year of his birth … we’ll put it in the pudding today … and every year”

Later on, as everyone makes their wish as they stir (wee Freddie was the slowest, bless him):

[Elizabeth] “I can expect you can guess what my wish is, mum”

[Jill] “Yes, it’s probably the same as mine”

Aw. Gone but very much not forgotten, is our Phil.

And at least Freddie had fun:

[Freddie] “Grandma let me lick the bowl”

[Nigel] “ Was it nice?”

[Freddie] “well, I felt a bit sick after …”

The heifer is ready for AI

Do you think Pat will make sure Tony checks the heifer is okay with being made pregnant again? She should, what with all her feminist principles. And considering that the heifer seemed to having quite a nice time with another heifer …

Or will Tony give the heifer a hard time for having a calf sans bull? I think not …

Tony won’t listen

Amongst the heifer-on-heifer action, Pat tries to talk to Tony about Helen. But he’s just not interested.

[Pat] “I just wish I could get her to talk honestly about how she feels inside … she’s always got this brittle shell on”

As Tony tries to wander off again, he comes out with:

[Tony] “Come on Pat! Helen’s done this whole baby thing exactly as she wanted. She hasn’t listened to a word of sense from anyone. “What on earth makes you think she’ll start now!?!”

Neither will Helen

Pat calls Helen to check she’s okay. She’s found still in the shop, still doing the stock take, at 8pm (on a Sunday).

Helene seemingly had an idea about how to recognise the spices, but it didn’t work, so had to put them back again.

As Pat starts to work herself up into a rant, but Helen basically hangs up on her.

I’m telling you. Force Helen into a small room with all her nearest and dearest, and don’t let her out until she sees sense.

Otherwise … we’re heading for yet another Helen disaster.

The Archers Fri 19th Nov 2010: Helen just won’t stop

The Archers: Pigs with colds … Pip’s a fast driver … Jazzer wants something … Joe’s got a new scam … Helen’s getting worse

  • Jazzer’s still worried about wheezing pigs
  • Is Jazzer also coming down with something?
  • Eddie doesn’t like to boast
  • Pip’s a Boy Racer
  • Team Jazzer & Harry
  • Would Bert really abuse those cows?
  • Joe works for tea?
  • David wants a freebie
  • Cobwebs behind the cistern
  • Tony’s decisive, but his kids are too driven

Jazzer’s still worried about wheezing pigs

Seemingly a second has come down with a bit of a wheeze, but Jazzer’s managed to get them both put inside for a bit of RandR.

Maybe we should start a knitting to group to get those pigs some toasty jumpers.

Is Jazzer also coming down with something?

“Get a time machine - go back and start your life again – but this time, pay attention”


That was what Jazzer said to Tony when Tony tried to get the inside info on the forthcoming quiz answers.

How decidedly odd.

Eddie doesn’t like to boast

But he goes ahead with it anyway.

“I don’t like to boast . Linda virtually declared me and Nathan the stars of the show”

Oh far too cocky! You know that pride comes before a fall …

Pip’s a Boy Racer

Or, at least that’s what you’d believe if you listened to David.

Team Jazzer & Harry

[Jazzer] “My natural instinct is to be a team player – we’re shaping up to be a pretty good team”

Jazzer’s waxing lyrical to Harry about how good they are together.

They’re working on the quiz together, and Jazzer even cooked tea for Harry last night.

[Jazzer] “It was good scran tae …all the extras bits were my own as well – the chilli sauce, the grated cheese on top …”

[Harry, rather sarcastically] “Those were some of the nicest beans on toast I ever had”

Later on, Jazzer even rushes to Harry’s aid (unasked) when something at the milking needs fixing.

Despite losing Harry’s wee screwdriver (let’s hope it didn’t cost as much as his knife or pan did!), Jazzer’s determined to make sure Harry knows that he’s making a real effort.

Especially on the shared cooking front.

Not that Jazzer wants to do the cooking every day:

[Jazzer] “I still want to enjoy ma food”

But he is quite keen to share the duties. As long as Harry cooks tonight. Because Jackie is coming round (ah ha!)

[Jazzer] “I do the cooking, you get the credit … She cannae decide whether to stick or twist yet … They just blame you for filling them with wind (beans)”

Harry doesn’t completely fall for it, instead suggesting that he can talk Jazzer through the cooking.

Not very amused by this suggestion, Jazzer reckons:

“You’ve got a long way to go before you get the idea of this teamwork thing, Harry”

Would Bert really abuse those cows?

Telling David that he can’t work on Christmas day (yikes – a full Grundy is taking shape), Eddie snorts over the idea of Bert handling the milking

[Eddie] “Bert manhandling them wouldn’t have been the best present for the cows!”

Poor Bert. That’s a horrible slut on his character.

Joe works for tea?

Did I hear that right?

Did Eddie say to David that Joe was giving folks rides on the green (with Bartleby and his trap) for teas?

David wants a freebie

Honestly, is David ever positive about anything his siblings do?

Elizabeth and Nigel are doing a lovely open day at Lower Loxley for the family, but David’s already moaning as it won’t include the ice rink.

Come on David. Where’s your festive cheer?!?

Cobwebs behind the cistern

What on earth is Helen thinking?

She gets forced to take time off of work to rest her hurt ankle, so uses the time to paint her flat. But it’s okay, as it’s mainly the skirting boards. Which are scuffed. Which, of course, the baby would be very upset about (!).

Pat catches Helen as she takes round a cottage pie (which is unlikely to be eaten by the ever calorie conscious Helen), and is rightly indignant.

[Helen] “I won’t get a better opportunity than now – I want the flat to be perfect when the baby comes … come on mum, you know how untidy this place gets … there was cobwebs behind the cistern!”

[Pat] “Can’t you just read a book instead!”

Helen really just gets worse and worse. If cobwebs behind a cistern upset her, just imagine what a kid smothered in mud (and goodness knows what else) will do to her sense of calm.

It’s almost as if she expects her baby to sit quietly, without making a mess.

Well, at least it won’t be offended by wee bits of crime.

More importantly, during her wee argument with Pat, Helen is forced to sit down.

Tony’s decisive, but his kids are too driven

[Pat, slightly smouldering, on Tony saying ‘yes’ to Tom’s energy saving ideas] “I was very impressed how decisive you were about that Tony”

[Tony] “Yes. He’d worn down my resistance … he’d done a good job … and is determined to put us on a better footing, so why not”

[Pat] “I do sometimes wish our children weren’t so driven … she’s been micromanaging organics online … running around the flat tidying up and painting … she’s washed the walls of the shower room top to bottom”

[Tony] “… unless she was silly enough to stand on a chair …”

(course she has been!)

[Pat] “Her whole body is telling her to slow down and be careful”

[Tony] “she just doesn’t know how to stop”

It’s time for an intervention!

The Archers Thurs 18th Nov 2010: Sabrina Spoke!!!!!!!!!

The Archers: Josh is playing by himself … Pip wants to be a farmer … Patrick can play the piano … Fallon plans to be alone with Harry … Eddie’s crowing

  • “Jamie’s gone all weird”
  • “His stance needs working on”
  • Patrick to the Rescue!
  • Pip, please don’t tell us what Jude taught you …
  • I think that counted as Sabrina speaking
  • Sabrina’s treasure chest
  • How desperate is Fallon!!!
  • Nathan, not any trouble? I very much doubt that Eddie

“Jamie’s gone all weird”

Sounds like David and Ruth might need to get Tom over to have a check on their yard lighting.

Josh was found by Eddie playing football by the floodlights.

And the poor wee mite had to play by himself.

[Josh] “Jamie’s gone all weir … hanging out with a rubbish crowd at school”

Eddie had a wee kick about with him, but sounded out of breath within a few minutes. Many days since Eddie was on a pitch, then:

[Eddie] “Wizard of the wing, I was called”

“His stance needs working on”

After Eddie had to wheeze off of the footy, Josh had to make do with helping his sister Pip work on the Hereford Steer that they’re putting into the primestock next week.

“Great topline … it’s his stance which needs working on”

We’ll take your work for it, Pip!

Patrick to the Rescue!

That Patrick’s an odd one.

He’s forever popping in and out of Ambridge, with seemingly no agenda (or staying power!).

But he’s not Lynda’s man of the moment (I wonder if Harry’s okay with that?!).

With Fallon now in the Panto, she doesn’t have time to pre-record the background music.

But along comes Patrick, as he’s apt to do. While Lynda was in a busy Ambridge Organics:

[Lynda] “In the hiatus, while Derek fletcher swung between yoghurt covered brazils and a blueberry flapjack …”

She got chatting to Patrick.

[Lynda] “If you ever get him on the lifecycle of the large butterfly he’ll open your eyes!”

Putting large butterflies to one side for the moment, Lynda also found out that Patrick achieved Grade 7 piano when he was a mere 17.

[Lynda] “The moment he revealed his talent … the poor man’s fate was sealed”

You said it Lynda!

Patrick and Harry in the same room? Just when I’d started to think they were one and the same …

Pip, please don’t tell us what Jude taught you …


No – it’s okay – all Pip said to Josh was that

“At least I learnt one thing from Jude … find something you're good at and stick to it – that’s what he was so useless at”

Pip looks like she’s considering staying out at Brookfield as a farmer.

[Josh] “So you going to stay here all your life?”

Of course, that all depends on whether Brookfield can manage to support adult Pip rather than Pip as one of David and Ruth’s kids.

But Pip has a cunning plan.

[Pip] “The market is changing all the time Josh, that’s why important find a good course to help us keep up”

Good planning Pip.

Wonder if we’ll be hearing similar arguments between Pip and David/Ruth as we currently hear between Tony and Tom.

I think that counted as Sabrina speaking

Okay, it was just a “meow”, and I reckon she also signed later on, but it was made by her vocal cords, therefore it was speech.

How utterly thrilling!

Sabrina’s treasure chest

[Lynda] “Prop yourself up a little more dear … that top’s a little lower cut than perhaps you realise”

[Lynda, later on] “Henchman are meant to be staring in covetously at the treasure chest!”

How desperate is Fallon!!!

That’s it.

Either Harry is asexual, gay or completely oblivious.

Did he not notice Fallon’s rather unsubtle efforts to get him to spend time alone with her?

The Panto is giving Fallon the perfect excuse to get 1-on-1 with Harry, but will he even react when she makes her move?

Nathan, not any trouble? I very much doubt that Eddie

Lynda is simply simpering over Eddie and Nathan’s revelatory panto performance this evening.

[Lynda] “your timing and teamwork was almost faultless … and I’ve never seen such sinister lurking … the sparkling chemistry you displayed this evening … tell me, what’s turned everything round?”

[Eddie] “We had a bot if a showdown earlier this week … he just needed taking a peg or two down … now that he accepts I’m top dog, we won't have any more trouble … I’m sure of that”

Hmmm. Speaking too soon, methinks.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

The Archers Wed 17th Nov 2010: Topical inserts – Will & Kate, Cornwall Flooding

The Archers: Lamb and veg … the postman might slip … Helen’s heading for a fall
  • “Is it wise to have braised lamb on a bed of mash with all the veg?”
  • The first Mart meeting
  • Ian’s menu is sparky
  • Peggy worries for the postman
  • Hilary Noakes won £6
  • Helen’s in agony
  • Tea and a sandwich
  • Topical Inserts ahoy!

“Is it wise to have braised lamb on a bed of mash with all the veg?”

Brian seemed to think so.

But I’m with Annabelle.

A large lunch does not make for a productive afternoon.

The first Mart meeting

Despite Annabelle’s ascertain that

“Inaugural meetings barely amount to much”

Matt (via Lilian) didn’t want to let anything pass without comment.

[Annabelle] “Anyone else feel we were at an old fashioned séance … with Lilian busily channelling Matt”

Seemingly the phrase “I broadly agree” is a very Matt phase – which generally, when uttered by Matt, meant that he actually want to trash the plan he was ‘broadly’ agreeing to.

Lilian reckons she’s already constantly being “steamrolled”, and is making sure Amside’s issues are being recorded.

But it’s only going to get more and more complicated as Matt tries to control the project while not being able to be directly be involved.

Despite Lilian not actually managing to get the results Matt wants (so far), she’s at least having a go. And Annabelle also appreciates Lilian providing a dissenting voice. Even if that voice is actually Matt.

[Brian] “If she takes out a large Havana and playing with a cigar cutter, we’ll know she’s completely possessed”

Ian’s menu is sparky

And he seemingly did a grand job as the Great Magini at Ruairi’s birthday party.

Do we foresee a career change?

I’d not be sure about how Adam would look as Ian’s glamorous assistant. I don’t picture him as being able to pull off a tasselled bikini …

Peggy worries for the postman

Nabbed by Lilian outside (in the cold) sweeping up the leaves, Peggy’s worried that if left, the postman might slip.

As, bless her wee cotton socks.

Peggy was also passing the time after Lilian didn’t turn up in time for lunch.

How rude!

Hilary Noakes won £6

At the Race Night.

And her bragging contributed to Lilian being late for Peggy’s lunch.

See the dangers of gambling!

Helen’s in agony

[Lilian] “Silly girl has been dragging herself in … she can barely stand up”

Helen still isn’t taking it easy.

Goodness know why. As a self-employed person, I’d be more than delighted to have a real reason to take time off.

It’s also strange that Helen can be so aware of her body (in terms of calories), but so unaware of when her body is also craving rest.

Lilian did persuade her to go home – and then also followed her home in her car to make sure that she’d be able to drive okay (big tummies and steering wheels don’t mix).

Oh dear. You know when Lilian takes notice, something has to be wrong.

Tea and a sandwich

Helen took the tea, but refused a sandwich.

Which is surely a shame. I think Peggy would make a cracker of a sarnie.

Worried about Helen after hearing from Lilian that she was in a bad way, Peggy popped round to try and help.

Helen’s actually sat there, tracking the shop online.

Take five minutes off, for goodness sake lassie!

As much as Peggy is a dear for taking the time to check Helen, she isn’t quite ready to be wholly supportive of Helen having a baby by herself:

[Peggy] “Oh … it’s such a shame … I do wish you weren’t going through all this on your own … I remember how exhausting and difficult being pregnant can be”

[Helen] “It’s all been easier than I expected … I seem to be managing perfectly well by myself”

Are you Helen? Are you, really?

Topical Inserts ahoy!

The BBC are claiming credit yet again for putting ‘topical inserts’ into tonight’s ‘episode.

Peggy mentioned to Helen that she’d be watching daytime TV, which is not a normal habit for her, but she’d become hooked on the announcement that there’s a soon-to-be Royal wedding.

[Helen] “They look quite comfortable together”

[Peggy] “He seems quite romantic … She seems a very level headed girl, and a very good age to get married” (hint, hint Helen!)

Then Peggy even managed to notice the flooding in Cornwall. Which, my fine fellow Archers folks, is not even in Ambridge.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

The Archers Tues 16th Nov 2010: Race Night

The Archers: Eddie and Jazzer on a mission … Caroline’s on the bar … Nathan’s on a ‘good’ bet

  • Eddie and Jazzer are looking for a patsy
  • How Race Night works
  • Lilian clears glue from her head with wine
  • Again with the Lord Netherborne
  • Tony baulks at £7
  • Matt doesn’t do toy town betting
  • Good Heavens Mr Booth!
  • “Do you trust me enough to do a real good turn?”
  • I don’t like Harry being at Peggy’s
  • Shires comes in bottles!
  • Nathan leaves £150 lighter

Eddie and Jazzer are looking for a patsy

At the Race Night, Eddie and Jazzer realise that they need someone to bid against Nathan in the last race, to be sure he loses a hefty price.

Jazzer can’t do it:

“He knows I only flash the cash when I have a bird to impress”

Tony then walks past, but Jazzer reckons:

“We need someone who chucks money about like sweeties”

And then Lilian pops by.

Lilian would make a perfect patsy (I’ve allowed thought of her as a bit of an Ad Fab Patsy anyway!).

How Race Night works

You bet on a horse to win, then a recording of a race is shown. Only the winning horse pays out.

In the last race, you have to pick the ‘winner of winners’. Which is where the skill (and the biggest bidding) happens. And where you have to bid against everyone else to have the right to that one horse.

Lilian clears glue from her head with wine

The cloakroom seeming “reeks of glue” after the Brownies had been making ‘stuff’ in there.

[Lilian] “I’m surprised all of them aren't as high as kites”

[Jim] “Explains a lot about Molly Button”


Again with the Lord Netherborne

Caroline’s manning the bar at the Race Night. And is asked about Lord Netherborne’s health.

He’s seemingly still not back to fighting fit, but at least he has someone living in to care from him, plus his two daughters are around.

Two daughters?

That blows my idea of Caroline inheriting if Lord Netherborne doesn’t make it through winter.

So, what’s the point?

Netherborne is most definitely a Peregrine …

Tony baulks at £7

What on earth is wrong with Tony?

First he accepts all of Tom’s new spending without much fight.

Now he’s paying for drinks.

Still, he did nearly have a heart attack when he was charged £7 for two glasses of wine.

Just how long has it been since Tony was in a pub?

Maybe The Bull has reasonable prices, as it certainly seemed £7 was considered a lot (but it was for charity)

Matt doesn’t do toy town betting

And Helen’s too big for crowds.

[Tony] “I certainly don’t want to see Helen down here … It’s not just her seize . .her knee is playing up badly”

Helen was seemingly “battling on as usual” by still being at work, rather than relaxing and taking the stress of her knee.

For goodness sake. Will someone please drag that woman back home, and lock her up for at least a few days?

It will save is all a lot of bother later on …

Good Heavens Mr Booth!

Nathan really didn’t make an effort with his fellow charity gamblers.

First he turns up in

[Caroline] “A lounge suit with an orange Hawaiian shirt”

“It should be illegal”

[Tony] “He thinks he’s in that film … Ocean’s 11”

[Caroline] “A very low rent version!”

Then Caroline notices him winking at Eddie (for which he has to remove his sunglasses – which he is wearing indoors – during winter …)

Eddie did seem to cover that quite well by saying that Nathan must have been winking at Sabrina:

“He’s developed quite a crush on her ,,, she tried her cat costume on at rehearsal – he hasn’t been the same since”

But has also served to start a rumour that Nathan has a case of “unrequited love”. Just wait until Richard hears about that.

But there’s more …

[Caroline] “Oh … does he imagine that looks sophisticated, waggling his mirrored shades instead of condescending to speak”

[Jazzer] “You mean he’s no irresistible to women?”

[Caroline] “The scales fell from my eyes when he called me babe when ordering his snakebite”


By the end of such roguish behaviour by Mr Booth, I was quite glad he won horse number 7 …

“Do you trust me enough to do a real good turn?”

Asked Eddie of Lilian, also adding “no questions”

“Eddie, Eddie … how long have we known each other … you must realise I don’t trust you an inch by now!”

Replies Lilian. But then guffawing, and saying:

“So what can I do for you, darling?”

I don’t like Harry being at Peggy’s

My, how the tide turns!

I was one of Harry’s many adoring fans, but not would trust him less than I’d trust Eddie if he also asked me a favour with “no questions”.

At Peggy’s to help out with a laptop problem (he didn’t want Peggy to have to lug it anywhere – which begs the questions why Peggy has a laptop instead of a desktop), it all just seemed a bit odd and sinister.

Harry even ingratiated himself with Bill and Ben – as if we ever needed any more evidence that the man is probably a serial killer!

Peggy was worried by the safety warnings her laptop was giving her when she tried to open attachments from Con. So Harry explains that Peggy was right to be worried about attachments, but that ones from senders you know are okay,

Harry then takes Peggy to Florida (via what sounded like Google Earth), showing Peggy how to virtually stalk Con and his family!

I’m not happy with Harry at all. I was half expecting him to either proposition Peggy (eeeek!), or to be found riffling through her underwear drawer for spare cash (double eeeek!).

Do I also sense a trip ahoy for Peggy?

Shires comes in bottles!

Thrice hurrah!

I shall try and buy some online right now, making sure that I also get the Shires Winter Special that Eddie was talking about.

Nathan leaves £150 lighter

After a bidding war between Nathan, Lilian and Tony

(seriously – why is Tony being so generous with money at the moment?),

Lilian manages to hold her nerve to push Nathan up to bidding £150 for the wrong horse (unbeknownst to him).

Of course, it’s all fixed against him, and Nathan loses.

“The horror on his face!”

Jazzer even managed to ,lighten Nathan of another £20 on a side bet!

What’s more, Nathan even has to leave without having a chance to punch Eddie.

Nathan can’t admit that Eddie’s fooled him (as he'd also have to admit that he was trying to diddle a charity event), and Eddie managed to stick to Alan and Jim until Nathan left.

All very jolly, and all in a good cause.

Well … that was until Jazzer reminded Eddie that he’d have to rehearse with Nathan on Thursday for the Panto.

And Nathan is “going to be raging”

The Archers Mon 15th Nov 2010: Tony agrees

The Archers: A pig Ark is damaged … Tony’s going to the Race Evening …Tom and Brenda aren’t … Tom’s big plans … Nigel’s big plans … Jazzer and Eddie’s big plans for Nathan

  • The Ark is going to take some hammering out
  • Tony has an evening off
  • “Saving our money for the one eyed bear”
  • Tom’s finished the great Light Bulb survey
  • Deck the Halls does indeed sound marvellous!
  • Nathan’s heading for a big loss
  • “Saint Clarrie o the perpetual ironing board!”
  • Jack’s reduced to making decorations
  • “You weren’t waiting for me to start supper!?!”
  • Helen’s hobbling

The Ark is going to take some hammering out

Which is entirely Tom’s fault for not moving it, despite Jazzer warning him.

Tom then assumes Jazzer can stop on to help out, but:

[Jazzer] “You’re way overdrawn at the bank of big favours”

And anyway, Jazzer has to see Eddie, get something to eat … then it’s off to Panto rehearsal.

[Jazzer] “Cause there’s nothing I’d rather be daein, expect sticking me heid down a cludgie”

Tony has an evening off

At first blaming Jazzer for talking him into going to the Race Evening, Tony admits that he’s actually happy to be going out as Kathy is coming over.


Seemingly Tony does feel sorry for her, but she does tend to go

“about Jamie all of the time”

“Saving our money for the one eyed bear”

Which sounded incredibly rude, but was only about Children in Need.

Tom and Brenda are saving their pennies for the quiz on Friday, which is in aid of Children in Need, so that means they won’t be at the Race Evening in aid of the British Legion.

Is it just me, or does that seem a bit tight? Surely they can support both, especially they’re both working (and could have two nights out … steady!).

Tom’s finished the great Light Bulb survey

And didn’t Tony sound excited when Tom told him.

(not at all)

So with such a lack of demonstrable enthusiasm, I found it very odd indeed that Tony that agreed to all of Tom’s plans without even a hint of protest.

Is Tom completely right?

Has Tony just been swayed by savings?

Or has Tony genuinely had enough of being nagged and harassed from all quarters?

Whatever Tony’s motivations, Tom can now:

  • Replace all existing lights in the cattle building with high pressure sodium lamps (24 lamps a shed)
  • Replace the flood lights with security lights that use energy bulbs (and have top rims to cut out light pollution)
  • AND can buy the new refrigeration for the milking parlour

All very well, but with some of the initial cost having to go onto the overdraft, can we sense a whole new round of financial problems heading its way to Bridge Farm?

Deck the Halls does indeed sound marvellous!

The website pages are ready – the dates are set (5th to 24th December) – and the German Market will be on its way soon.

Yes folks – it’s the rather magical Deck the Hall at Lower Loxley, in only its second year.

Nigel and Elizabeth didn’t mention how much the entrance fee is, but some of the attractions include:

  • Traditional decorations
  • Stollen
  • Mulled wine
  • Gluhwein
  • Santa*
  • Ice rink
  • Greenery
  • Carol Singers
  • Horse drawn carriage rides (which you do have to pay extra for)
  • Nativity scene
  • “Breath-taking display of living Christmas trees”
Even Cranford (the horse) is “back in the harness” to help out.

I quite agree with Nigel that the

“whole place is going to be magical this Christmas”

and wish I could make it down.

I think we also need to keep an eye on the Open House day Nigel and Elizabeth are planning for January 2nd.

“Let the whole clan see this place while it’s still in its winter finery”

Hmmm. The thing is, when a family event like that is mentioned, you know there’s going to be a falling out;.

*Nigel and Elizabeth seem to think Santa comes via an agency, but we (of course) know that he personally sends his own deputies to cover all of the Santa Visit requirements, while he’s busy making those toys and checking those lists

“Both Father Christmas’ are confirmed … we don’t want a repeat of last year’s missing Santa horror”

“[the agency must have a] substitute bench full of Christmas elves waiting for their big break”

Nathan’s heading for a big loss

Well, if Jazzer and Eddie’s plans go right. Which would be a first.

Eddie’s given Nathan the ‘winners’ for the Race Evening. Nathan has also gone for the ploy of losing some, winning others, but waiting until the last race to

“Then pile everything onto a dead cert”

At least if it does come to blows, at least it will be 2 on 1.

“Saint Clarrie o the perpetual ironing board!”

Was Jazzer’s horrified response to hearing that Clarrie knew of their ploy to trick Nathan.

Jazzer was a bit more confident after Eddie reassured that Clarrie was livid at Nathan trying to take advantage of a charity event.

I wonder who could lose their nerve first.

Jack’s reduced to making decorations

Don’t get me wrong – I’d also be quite happy making tree decorations, but I found it a bit sad to think of the powerhouse that Jack once was.

Now he’s best kept busy with basic ‘fun’ tasks.

“You weren’t waiting for me to start supper!?!”

Oh Tony, that was too close for comfort.

Lucky that Pat became distracted by Tom’s talk of light bulbs.

Although you didn’t mention about waiting for Pat to come home to start tea, you had made mention that you wanted to grab a bite. Which is not the same as making food for the whole family.


Helen’s hobbling

Pat reports that Helen “is in such discomfort”, as her knee really hasn’t had a chance to get better.

After Pat and Kirsty harassing her, Helen has:

“Finally admitted it was getting too sore”

And might go in late tomorrow, or even take the afternoon off of work.

“Saying she’ll look after herself is one thing – getting her to do it is another”

Come on Helen! You’re fated to be miserable, but why make the chance of that even greater?

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

The Archers Sun 14th Nov 2010: A soldier’s tale

The Archers: Eddie’s off to the boot sale … Nathan’s fate is in Clarrie’s hands … Des Penlow

  • I love it when Clarrie talks angry
  • Meg hates the brush cutter
  • I’m all for the traditional ones
  • So a good time was had by all at the Dance
  • Remembrance Sunday remembered well
  • So the van story FINALLY ends

I love it when Clarrie talks angry

Eddie’s pushing Clarrie for an answer as to whether he can put on over on Nathan Booth.

Clarrie’s just as “disgusted” as Eddie about Nathan trying to fiddle the Race Evening – thereby taking money away from the British Legion.

Eddie reckoned Nathan’s antics are

“Like nicking the money out of a poppy tray”

Clarrie's first thought was to tell Alan, but Eddie didn’t want that as Nathan would know he’d grassed him up

(come on Eddie – you’re not in the playground now!)

After hearing Des Penlow and how much the British Legion had helped him, Clarrie came back from church full of righteous fury

“No matter how I turn it round I still don’t agree with people taking the law into their hand … but just this once, I’ll make an exception for Nathan booth … miserable little beggar … I hope you and Jazzer sting him hard!”

Oh Nathan.

Be very, very afraid.

Clarrie doesn’t get that angry very often, but when she does, it’s best to hide in the shed …

Meg hates the brush cutter

Aw, wee toots!

Still, at least she gets to run about in the open with Will (dogs don’t care what you’re like – just as long as you feed ‘em and walk ‘em).

Most dogs only ever get a chance to hate the hoover.

I’m all for the traditional ones

An advent calendar should indeed have “angel and glitter and all that”

Will and Nic’s cartoon characters alternative to Clarrie’s one for the kids just makes me want to go ‘pah’.

So a good time was had by all at the Dance

Will reckoned the Dance was fine because

“At least he had the sense to keep his button lipped for once”

But either way, the Ed and Will managed to spend a whole evening together without exchanging blows or loud insults.

Progress indeed.

Clarrie might be taking it too far by having the whole family round for Grundy Christmas, but Will doesn’t sound too keen.

He may try and put off making a decision, but I reckon that Nic won’t let him away with not doing as she and Clarrie wish.

They make a grand pair, those two. Nic’s even bought Clarrie that Pashmina she’d had her eye on (Pashmina, William, not shawl. You oik!).

Remembrance Sunday remembered well

Des Penwell, the ex-soldier giving a speech at St. Stephens for today’s Remembrance Day, did a very fine job.

That was really quite moving.

And a good reminder that it isn’t just past wars we need to remember. It also isn’t just about the scare you can see

“Damage up top – where it doesn’t always show”

Des talked about how he didn’t realise he needed help after leaving the army. When he did realise, he didn’t want to ask as it would be “soft”.

He’d hit rock bottom (lost his partner, child, home and hit the booze, when he met some good listeners – including our own Alan.

The British Legion then gave him a case worker, who helped him get his life back on track.

  • [Clarrie] “I’ve never seen the Boys Brigade sit still so long … spellbound … gave them plenty to think about”

If you’d like to know more about the Royal British Legion – click here

So the van story FINALLY ends


I’d totally forgotten about the hoo-ha surrounding Eddie needing a new van – Will lending him the money – Eddie being a tad worried about taking it – and me predicting it’d all end in tears.

Mais non!

We hear nothing for months, and today Eddie makes his final repayment to Will.

I must have been so worried that I block any other previous mention of it from my mind …

Saturday, 13 November 2010

The Archers Fri 12th Nov 2010: The Night of the YFC Ball

The Archers: Will and Ed on a night out together … Eddie’s being sneaky

  • Nic and Will are looking dapper
  • Eddie wants the coast to be clear
  • All because Pip didn’t check the size of TCB
  • Didn’t Nic want a nice night out?
  • It was Jade, actually
  • First rule of pregnancy
  • I was wrong about Matthew
  • Now Eddie’s cutting toenails!

Nic and Will are looking dapper

According to Eddie and Clarrie.

Nice has the “perfect” dress on, and Will has a new red bow tie.

[Will] “Well, you can’t be too stuffy”

Of course, Eddie can’t help winding up Will

[Eddie] “What about you William? Playing the maracas – are you part of the band?”

Clarrie, as usual, is all too aware of what her boys could get up to, and tries to advise Will:

[Clarrie] “It doesn’t matter who else is there Will, you just relax and enjoy”

“If they keep themselves to themselves, they’ll be alright”

Eddie wants the coast to be clear

Joe’s just mucked out Bartleby, is in the bath, then is off out to The Bull to play cribbage with Bert.

Clarrie’s tackling a mountain of ironing:

[Ed] “Are you doing that whole basket of ironing now?”

[Clarrie] “No, the queen of the fairies is taking over in 5 minutes … what do you think?”

(I can’t do Clarrie any justice on the above quote – it has to be listened to in order to understand it as a proper *snort* moment)

Eddie then tries to persuade Clarrie that she should take a dish back to Kathy, right now, because he “doesn’t want getting a name as bad neighbours”

which, quite unbelievably, seemed to work. Off our Clarrie pops …

… until she pops right back in again, catching Eddie in the act of going through Joe’s pockets.

[Clarrie] “Give me that!”

[Eddie] “It’s nothing”

[Clarrie] “I’ll be the judge”

(when she realises it’s to do with the Race Evening)

[Clarrie] How can you stoop so low … taking advantage of the British Legion”

[Eddie] “It isn’t what you’re thinking at all”

Oh dear. Two minutes into his and Jazzer’s cunning plan to get one up on Nathan Booth, Eddie’s already mucked it up.

What a surprise!

All because Pip didn’t check the size of TCB

TCB is the band playing at the YFC Ball

(TCB seemingly stands for Taking Care of Business (Elvis Presley) and the Tommy Crocker Band – as the saxophone player is the grandson of Tommy Crocker, who used to play at Grey Gables and was one of Jack’s favourite bands … so I’m told).

But Pip didn’t check how many were in the band, so now her table plan is completely defunct.

It sounds like she was able to find a spot for everyone (I bloomin’ well hope so – it would be great value as a dinner dance if you couldn’t actually sit down for dinner).

And Emma reckons:

“It just makes it cosier being bunched up”

But Emma didn’t think that through.

It all depends on who you’re actually having to bunch up with.

Didn’t Nic want a nice night out?

While I applaud Nic’s efforts to try and get Ed and Will back to acting at least half-decent around each other, why do so on one of her very rare nights away from the kids and work?

As her and Will arrive, she decides that the best plan would be to plonk themselves down on the same table as Ed and Emma.

Even stranger still that the other three went along with Nic’s brilliant plan (albeit grudgingly). Surely one of them could have said ‘no’?

[Nic] “Won’t do the boys any harm, trying to be civilised with each other for once”

As the foursome settle down to their evening, Will gets in a round.

And manages not to shout at or punch Ed.

They all take to the dance floor, and still no shouting or punching.

Even Will and Emma have quite a civilised chat:

[Emma] “Will, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself (about the baby)”

[Will] “It’s okay … it doesn’t matter … George left his gloves on Tuesday”

Well that’s progress, even if Will had to quickly change the subject.

Things seem to start going downhill as the evening progresses, but there’s still no shouting or punching.

Just a sarcastic quip from Will as Ed retells Pip’s tale about Tommy Crocker.

As Emma and Nic bond over swollen ankles (not literally – Emma has them, Nic has the memory of them), Ed and Will start to argue over who should be buying the next round.

But just when it looks like the bloodshed is about to commence, Nic steps in to say that it’s her and Emma’s round (even though she has to take a sub off of Will to buy it).

So the evening went off without a bang (just like The Bull’s bonfire night – well, there was bangs, but the overall impression of the evening was a bit of a ‘pfffff’).

But does this mean that Ed and Will will start being nice chaps to each other?

Will there be more double dating?

Cripes. It might be the calmest Christmas day in the Grundy for many a year.

It was Jade, actually

Oo-er Pip!

That was a bit snooty.

So Ed doesn’t know the difference between green and jade.

You should take the compliments where you can get them. Especially as it doesn’t like there’s much fruitiness afoot with Lucan.

I was wrong about Matthew

Izzy seemingly didn’t look happy with Matthew from the start.

And Pip later reports that Izzy has:
“Given up on Matthew … he grows an extra pair of hands with every drink”

Oh well. I wonder if Izzy still had “boring” Gary to fall back on.

First rule of pregnancy

Is to find out where the rules are.

Wonder if Helen is aware of that one amongst her lentils, exercise and calorie counting.

Now Eddie’s cutting toenails!

But it wasn’t as gross as Clarrie cutting Joe’s.

Eddie was tending to one of his ferrets (Brooklyn)

[Clarrie] “You spend more time grooming your ferrets than yourself”

As Brooklyn tries to muck about with Clarrie’s washing, I was left wondering is a ferret really does make those sort of noises …

The Archers Thurs 11th Nov 2010: Jill and Peggy are creating work

The Archers: A pig with a wheeze and a sheep with Orf … the cows are in for the winter … Pip’s all revved up for the Dance tomorrow … Jazzer’s first Panto rehearsal

  • As winter sets in, the animals are feeling the strain
  • At least Peggy is proud of Tom
  • A great-grandmother who is more excited about energy plans
  • Panto ‘snot’ moments #3
  • Pip’s having to pull out the stops
  • Phew! No more dark corner for Peggy
  • Jill needs her hive (and attitude!) fixed
  • “Madam Snell hasn’t driven you to the evil weed an all, has she?”
  • Nathan Booth is in for it …

As winter sets in, the animals are feeling the strain

One of Tom’s pigs have a wheeze (though he doesn’t seemed to concerned about it), and one of David’s sheep might have orf.

While David might have to vaccinate his whole flock, Tom won’t let Jazzer take the pig in.

Tom could be right that it isn’t that serious, and Jazzer is obviously concerned about more than just a pig.

Especially as he even offered to work longer for no pay (which just isn’t like him at all!).

As Tom tried to illustrate in a very bad accent, Jazzer’s simply trying to avoid his first Panto rehearsal.

At least Peggy is proud of Tom

It has to be said that Tom is doing a good thing by trying to save Bridge Farm expense, but it’s the way he goes about it.

Tony’s only ever going to say ‘no’ to Tom’s ideas, because Tom only ever makes him feel old fashioned or daft for not having made the changes before.

And even Jazzer’s losing his temper with his over-eager approach:

“I could die of extreme old age before I ever gave a damn about your yard lighting”

Which was a bit harsh of Jazzer, but he’s likely had enough of Tom going on and on and on and on and on …

But good old Peggy is at least being nice and excited about Tom’s plans.

“So refreshing to hear someone with a clear plan for that farm”

But – Peggy does still manage to slip Con into the conversation (she mentioned she’d been telling Con about Tom’s plans).

A great-grandmother who is more excited about energy plans

As much as I have a very soft spot for Peggy, and am glad she’s finding a wee bit of happiness through Con, it’s very off-putting that she still can’t find any joy for Helen’s pregnancy.

As she was talking to Tom about the email she’d sent back to Con, she quickly changed the subject when Tom asked her if she’d mentioned that she was about to become a great-grandmother.

That’s a shame. On Helen, and on her soon-to-be little one.

Do we reckon both Peggy and Tony will come round once they get to actually hold the new addition to their clan?

Panto ‘snot’ moments #3

[David] “I had the dolphin’s speech off by heart – couldn’t get beyond ‘we’re talking at cross porpoises’”

Pip’s having to pull out the stops

Oh dear.

That church organ doesn’t sound a friendly fella at all.

Pip’s struggling to learn the piece for the Advent Service, but likely all will be well in the end.

Especially as it’s a tribute for Phil.

Phew! No more dark corner for Peggy

Seemingly it was only a pulled wire, which Tom sorted out (and then was rewarded with a can or lager).

Seemingly that ever naughty Bill was the culprit (despite no real evidence).

Something had given the light a right thump.

But could it have been Ben???

Jill needs her hive (and attitude!) fixed

As Peggy needed her family to help fix her dark corner, Jill needs the roof of one of her hives fixed.

Which is fair enough, but what a horrid attitude she’s got towards Peggy and Con.

Jill needs her bee hive roof to be fixed

[Peggy] “I do still find it odd … how excited she is about Con’s email … even though he made things so difficult for her last time … if it had been Phil … it would have been disloyal”

[David] “All Peggy’s going through, it must be nice to have someone else to think about for once”

Quite right David. Jill is also going through a horrible round of ‘firsts’ without Phil, but she could at least be happy that Peggy is happy.

And let’s face it – Jack isn’t exactly going to notice Peggy sending a few emails …

“Madam Snell hasn’t driven you to the evil weed an all, has she?”

It’s Jazzer’s first Panto rehearsal, and he’s already having a fag break.

Eddie stumbles into him in the dark, as he also escapes.

But it’s not Lynda that’s the problem – it’s that rascal Nathan Booth.

Nathan’s really winding Eddie up by saying his lines early, upstaging him (surely not possible?) and pulling funny faces.

[Jazzer] “If you were Nathan Booth, wouldn’t you want to try on a new face?”

Eddie then also has to put up with Jazzer being cheeky about his part in the Panto:

“All you ever say is ‘I’m a rat I’m a rat, what do you think of that?’”

But Jazzer’s soon forgiven as he hatches a crafty plan …

Nathan Booth is in for it …

Nathan’s been trying to get Joe’s race videos from Eddie so that he can clean up at the Race Evening.

Which Eddie is utterly appalled by Nathan’s plan, as the Race Evening is in aid of the British Legion.

[Jazzer] “Slippery than a butter deal that one”

was Jazzer’s estimation of Nathan.

[Jazzer] “Let’s be a bit smart about it – bout time wee weasely Nathan learned a lesson”

Nathan really ought to be shaking in his socks. What with a dynamic duo like Jazzer and Eddie on your case …

Friday, 12 November 2010

The Archers Wed 10th Nov 2010: Fallon IS going to the Ball!

The Archers: Caroline’s uncle is still on the mend … Brian’s avoidance plans … Peggy’s cats are playing up …

  • “I suppose we were really stretched last year with orphans”
  • Lord Netherborne – a bit of a Peregrine
  • Brian’s using whisky to escape
  • Naughty Bill
  • Des Penwell
  • Con still excites Peggy
  • Valda doesn’t solve anything
  • What’s this about a “dark corner”?
  • Does Jill disapprove?
  • “The theatrical equivalent of The Titanic”

“I suppose we were really stretched last year with orphans”

The harsh reality of sheep farming, courtesy of Adam.

“You don’t want too much tangle round the pens”

“Now, are you ready to go flying up to the roof?”

The harsh reality of Adam’s arming life, courtesy of Brian.

Lord Netherborne – a bit of a Peregrine

Well, not really.

It’s just that it was mentioned yet again that Caroline still has to look after her uncle.

Like the Peregrines were often mentioned without any obvious point – then become a ‘hot’, contentious issue – Lord Netherborne being poorly keeps cropping up.

Watch this space …

Brian’s using whisky to escape

And what’s really bad, is that he’s using booze to escape his own son’s birthday party!

Ian’s going to entertain as the great … something or other (did anyone catch that?). I’m assuming it’s a magic show.

But Brian is only going to:

“show willing where he has to”

Poor wee Ruairi.

His mum’s dead.

He dad would prefer alcohol to being at his party.

And even his step-brother-by-marriage is going to try and join Brian.

At least he’s got Jennifer and Kate making a fuss over him.

Actually. Scratch that. It’d probably be better if he was just utterly neglected.

Naughty Bill

Not sure why Peggy’s cats are being so hyper. She’s had to resort to locking them in the kitchen when she has guests over. Especially Bill.

The other day, Bill was clamouring all over Pat. And today he manages to break free of the kitchen to annoy Jill and Peggy.

Something in the air, or too much catnip?

Des Penwell

Is talking on Sunday, at the church, about his experiences in Afghanistan.

Con still excites Peggy

After all those years, and after she received his email on Saturday, Peggy is still giddy as a schoolgirl about Con.

But Jill doesn’t seem at all impressed (now there’s a surprise – Jill just can’t seem to muster any joy for anything which isn’t spot on ‘the norm’).

Valda doesn’t solve anything

[Lynda] “Strictly between you and me, she doesn’t thrive in the pressure cooker of pantomime – I always felt she never really made the grade in snow white”

So if Valda, Vicky and Sabrina aren’t up to playing Alice Fitzwilliam, just who is?

[Lynda] “Fallon and her sadly underused talent”

So while Hayley “does wonders with our little rats”, Phoebe show her artistic talents in designing the posters, Lynda is left to bemoan the lack of Fallon as her Alice.

At least Harry sorted Idle Jack.

Giving Lynda a “marvellous surprise” by turning up with Jazzer in tow, Lynda is utterly oblivious to (surely what must have bee) Jazzer’s utter reluctance.

[Lynda] “Whatever false modesty was holding him back, he’s over it now … very bashful … mumbled so much I had to make him repeat himself … I intimated him slightly …”

Lynda thought she’s ‘intimidated’ Jazzer because, when she suggested Harry’s idea of:

“Idle Jock, a comic Scotsman complete with mischievous kilt and a ginger wig”

Jazzer’s distaste was read by Lynda as

“Apparently it was a step too for his confidence … he gave me quite a look!”

I do adore our Lyndee, but she really doesn’t pick up on anything other than that she wants to see.

Harry has forced Jazzer to be in the Panto, but the line has been drawn through the concept of Idle Jock.

“Idle Jack remains … and I’m hoping to persuade him to sing”

Well, that’s great news.

Jazzer’s singing at Ambridge Has Talent was lovely, so I’ll look forward to hearing him again.

What’s this about a “dark corner”?

Am I missing something?

That was the second mention by Peggy that she has a dark corner.

Has the bulb blown?

Curtain can’t be pulled back?


Whatever it is, Peggy needs someone to fix it for her.

She thinks it would be hard to find “someone for such a small job”, and doesn’t want to ask her family.

“Phil used to do that”

Said Jill, bring the conversation well and truly back to her.

I shouldn’t really be so harsh to Jill (even though she does ask for it sometimes), as it is going to be a tough first festive season without Phil.

But it felt like she was scoring points off of Peggy.

Jill’s one up because her husband is dead, whereas Peggy’s is still very much alive.

And then Jill behaves quite oddly about Peggy’s Con …

Does Jill disapprove?

It certainly seemed that way.

She wasn’t exactly glowing – or even happy for Peggy – when she read Con’s long letter as Peggy asked her to.

(and Peggy is quite right that a long email is just as good as a letter, though I still think the ‘ping’ of an email received isn’t quite like a non-bill thumping down on your doormat).

What’s wrong with Jill?

Can’t she see that Peggy has found a wee bit of harmless happiness?

So as Peggy (still in schoolgirl mode) dreamily talks about Florida and Ruby Throated Humming birds, all Jill found the effort to do was mention Jack.

Was that to bring Peggy back to reality with a bump?

Quite nasty, really.

[Peggy] “Living proof it’s never too late to develop an interest”

On yersel Peggy! Get it where you can …

“The theatrical equivalent of The Titanic”

Still stressing about the lack of a lady to lead as Alice, Lynda is getting desperate:

“If the worst comes to the worst … it’ll be the theatrical equivalent of the titanic … I might have to cast Sabrina”

Which everyone agrees would:

“Clear the hall … children and small animals crushed in the rush”

(I won’t even try to think why animals attend Ambridge’s Panto)

But then Lynda corners Fallon (after Clarrie planted the idea in her head the other day), and quite easily persuades her to prerecord Alice’s singing, to which Sabrina will mime.

Yet – it’s not over until Lyndee is utterly satisfied.

“What a better finish … you and Harry arm in arm … singing of love’s triumph”

Whether Fallon fell for the sheer joy of performing on a stage (any stage), or whether it was the mention of getting close to Harry that egged Fallon on, while she was most eager to do the pre-recordings, Fallon sounded even more keen to actually be in the Panto.

But there’s The Bull to run. And a rather wobbly Jolene to support.

So that’s that. Fallon can’t play love’s young dream because she has to keep home and hearth together.

But, what’s this …

[Jolene] “Maybe the challenge is just what I need … I want to try, love … just let me”

And there it is. Jolene finally steps up. Which means Fallon can live a little, by taking part in the village Panto.

My word – was Lynda nearly pornographic in her sheer delight at the news!

[Jolene] “I want to see my girl go to the ball”

[Lynda] “actually, technically that’s referring to another Panto”

(at which point Fallon or Jolene was heard to utter something very similar to ‘oh, shut up' though it was probably just ‘Lynda’)

[Lynda] “Oh what the heck … well done Fallon! you are coming to the ball after all!!”

Huzzah! Lynda will finally cease her woes about finding an Alice. Fallon gets to have a life out of the pub (and possibly get closer to Harry … though he does strike me as a rather sexless chap). And Jolene gets to see if she can really cope.

Trebles all round!