The Archers Monday 31st October 2011: Ivy Horrobin dies in her sleep

• Generous present from Caroline and Oliver
• A Pig league?
• Tom seems to be on a (sausage) roll
• Ivy Horrobin died this morning
• Sudden death … hmmmm
• Tony is still most decidedly unamused
• Brenda isn’t family
• Underwoods cards and Roy as best man

Generous present from Caroline and Oliver

[Nic] “Oh Will, I’m thrilled about the Darrington Rom … there’s going to be no charge for the room, or the flowers or the champagne for the toast!”

The no charge, flowers and champers are all from Caroline and Oliver.

That’s very kind of them indeed.


A Pig league?

Tom reckons his Pigs should be on match of the day.

[Susan] “I don't think they cover the Piggy league, or else Neil would be on it all the time!”

Tom seems to be on a (sausage) roll

Shelly Brazil is back

If you remember back a wee bit – Shelly did a food demo at Ambridge Organics. Tom reckons she’s “Borchester’s answer to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall”

Tom reckons she’s interested in his sausages (ooer!), and there may be a chance she’ll make mention of them in her column in Borchester Life.

He’s in the Village Shop to ask Jill about a sausage tasting at the Village Shop for National Sausage week.

[Nic] “Wow. The things that happen in this village”

(not sure if Nic was being sarcastic. Hard to tell)


Ivy Horrobin died this morning

Susan had to rush off from the shop, leaving Tom in charge (so it had to be important).

It falls to Pat to break the news to Neil and all of us eavesdroppers (Neil had left his mobile, was at bridge Farm, so Susan called him there). Ivy died this morning in her sleep. Neil rushes off to Susan.

[Tony] “That was very sudden. I know she’d been ill Tony … Bit of a choker though, isn’t it Pat. I had a lot of time for Ivy”

[Pat] “Me too”

And Will to Nic later on:

[Will] “Oh Nic. I really liked Ivy … she was great to me when I were married to Emma”

All the Horrobin’s start gathering (Keith, Stuart and Tracy – and of course) Gary and Clive but all of the organising, sorting, tidying falls to Susan.


Sudden death … hmmmm

Probably totally inappropriate to say this, but should we be suspicious that Ivy died in her sleep?

She died of heart failure, brought on by bronchial pneumonia. Susan reckons that Ivy’s heart just couldn’t take it anymore, after months of being ill.

But Neil did sound a bit suspicious. He was particularly keen to know what had gone onto the death certificate.

Clive? In Ivy’s bedroom, with a pillow???


Tony is still most decidedly unamused

With Tom’s pigs playing football.

Neil tells him that he and Chris had a right good laugh at it. But not only is Tony still utterly negative about it, he hasn’t even taken the time to see it yet!

[Tony] “There’s so much of that stuff on the internet. I don’t know what good it does”

But Tony can’t completely avoid Tom’s efforts for ever. Which he knows, and he agrees with Pat that they’ll have a meeting after lunch on Sunday.

But …


Brenda isn’t family

Tony will meet Tom to discuss his ideas, but it’s family only.

Which Tony reckons doesn’t include Brenda.

Though he leaves it to Pat to tell that to Tom.

[Tom] “You mean if I was married to Brenda that would be okay, but as we’re not she can’t come … that’s just stupid, especially with her expertise in marketing … sometimes I think he wants the whole thing to fail!”

[Pat] “That’s not fair, irrational he may be at times, but of course he wants to save Bridge Farm”

I’m not sure why Tony didn’t want Brenda there.

She is engaged to Tom. And there’s no reason to be scared about her (lack of) marketing prowess …


Underwoods cards and Roy as best man

Nic’s writing out invites to their wedding. On cards they bought from Underwoods (there was nothing suitable at the Village Shop).

Will’s decided to ask Roy to be his best man. Again.

And Nic is going to ask Helen, so that she can have a grown up alongside Mia.

Weddings do that to some folks. They suddenly become best buddies with folks they barely pass a word with.

I think the last time Helen and Nic spoke was when Helen babysat for them pre-Henry.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 27th October 2011: Hitler would be treated better than Clive?

(oh I do doubt that. Clive is such a whiner)

• Neil pays Clive a visit
• Erin’s coming for tea
• Do we need to be reminded who is scared of Clive?
• No sugar? The evil bas*ards!
• I couldn’t tell the difference between wheezing Ivy and squealing pigs
• Clive sees Christine
• Clive is annoyed

Neil pays Clive a visit

And it isn’t just to have a cup of tea and a bit of shortbread …

[Clive] “So Neil, what’s persuaded you to leave your pigs and come to the big city?”

[Neil] “Never mind all that flannel, I’m here because you’ve upset Emma and Susan”

[Clive] “No, you must have got that wrong”

Amazingly – Clive sounded genuinely surprised that anyone was upset with him getting to be pals with George.

[Neil] “We know you got Ivy all excited about this happy families rubbish, why is why Emma let you see him the once … but that’s it … now stay away”

[Clive] “This is your doing, isn’t it? You’ve always had it in for me”

Clive turns a bit nasty. He reckons It was Neil who’d got Susan to “grass” him up all those years ago – forgetting he had to threaten to Susan to get her to keep stum in the first place.

[Neil] “You got was coming to”

[Clive] “Yeah, well you’re going to get it too!”

[Neil] “Don’t you threaten me! We’ll have you back inside before you can turn around!”

[Clive] “Oh big man!”

Neil then, quite smugly, tells Clive that his plan to take George out bowling has been thwarted. Ed and Emma are taking George off out somewhere else, and no-one will tell Clive where.

[Clive] “You think you’re so clever … think you’re better than me”

[Neil] “Read my lips Clive, stay away!”

Phew!

I actually think Neil won that round. And Clive has shown his full colours.

He’s still a nasty ‘un.


Erin’s coming for tea

Erin wants to meet up with Daniel.

He doesn’t want to meet her in Ambridge. He said to himself that it’d only mean everyone asking if she was his girlfriend.

So, they agree to meet at the Arts and Café place in Penny Hassett.

Daniel shows Erin Tom’s football playing pigs online. She’s impressed with that, and with both Daniel’s farming knowledge and that he lives at a stables. It means he can ride anytime.

Daniel then, rather clumsily, invites Erin for tea. He simply blames his parents.

[Daniel] “Mum keeps wanting to invite you round for tea … like, you know, meet the parents”

And Erin agrees.

She does sound keen.

But not sure whether she’s keen on Daniel, or just to see the stables (and get on with their homework project).


Do we need to be reminded who is scared of Clive?

Surely everyone not in the know must know by now?

Time to turn off the microphones when folks like Shula and Neil (and anyone else) is running through the very long list. Becoming a bit repetitive.


No sugar? The evil bas*ards!

Clive is annoyed that there’s no sugar at Ivy’s for his tea.

And he’s horrified when Ivy has the cheek to ask him to pop out for it.

Well – actually – I would understand if Clive felt sheepish about going to the Village Shop (after all, he wasn’t exactly polite last time he was there!), but Clive isn’t annoyed by that.

He’s just annoyed that (the very sick) Ivy or the (very stressed and busy) Susan hasn’t sorted the sugar for him.


I couldn’t tell the difference between wheezing Ivy and squealing pigs

So Ivy must be very ill indeed.

Or, pigs sound like sick older women when they’re playing football!


Clive sees Christine

Clive – to himself - pathetic. Can’t even see when the sugar is running out. Better get something in for me dinner … a familiar face … yes, it is, Christine Barford … who’s that old codger with her … George’s replacement … last time I saw you, I torched your house didn’t I, should I go over and say hello, no hard feelings…

But Clive doesn’t go over. More out of not wanting to cause probation problems than wanting to scare/upset Christine. And I don’t think he was really serious about wanting to make amends.

Not sure if Christine spotted him. Jim seems to have looked over.


Clive is annoyed

Seems Clive is annoyed all of the time at the moment. Which can’t be a good thing for anyone else.

He’s annoyed at the way Jim looked at him. He’s annoyed with Neil telling him what’s what. He’s annoyed with Matt for lording it over him. And, he annoyed at the way he was treated when he went into the Village Shop.

[Clive] “I’ve done me time, and that’s the end to it, but people won’t let it lie …I went in the shop, nice and polite … you’d think I’d have a sawn off in me hand for the reaction I got. Hitler would get better service!”

Ivy doesn’t want Clive to get himself upset. And she says that while she sounds like she’s coughing up her own lungs …

… there’s nowt so blind, eh?

The Archers Monday 24th October 2011: Slow day … so only 7 things to say

• Ivy isn’t saying much. She’s too ill
• Nic and Will can get a registrar for Jan 1st. But only 10.30 in the morning
• But, they’ll be married in the same room the Duchess of Cornwall had her tea. Nic is very excited
• Shula and Caroline have lunch. Shula’s worried about Clive. And Christine
• Emma and George bump into Clive. He gets George excited about going bowling with him. Emma isn’t pleased
• Emma such a very grudgingly congratulations to Nic and Will
• Ed reckons Will and Nic getting married will take the pressure off of him and Emma having to get married. Emma’s not pleased with him for saying that.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 20th October 2011: Shula admits she had any boy she liked …

(what a harlot! You wouldn’t think it to hear her now …)

• The inner monologue of Shula
• Clive stealing off his (possibly dying) mum
• Alistair reckons Clive isn’t out for revenge …
• Clive kissing Matt’s behind
• Daniel spends Friday night with his parents

The inner monologue of Shula

Was quite interesting. She reminded me that she wasn’t born a saint …

She’s been suggesting to Daniel that they all sit down and watch TV together (though nothing about gambling, she said to herself).

Then she was pushing Daniel on whether he and Erin were dating. He reckoned not – they’re just friends.

[Shula] “Well, it’s good that you can be friends with a girl”

[Daniel] “They’re not a different species”

[Shula] “Not in my day … wasn’t so usual to be just friends”

Shula – to herself - "any boy I liked. It was always all or nothing …”

If only Daniel knew! He’d be mortified.


Clive stealing off his (possibly dying) mum

Ivy doesn’t indeed sound like she’s ringing death’s doorbell. She was coughing constantly, and didn’t even want to get out of bed for her dinner.

She was mentioning the Clive that she doesn’t wear her rinds anymore. Then tells him where they are.

Clive – to himself – “waste, lying in a drawer … doesn’t wear them …the price of gold these days”

After borrowing a couple of quid off of Ivy (well – he took notes from her purse, which Ivy didn’t notice. One assumes it was more than a few quid, unless Ivy was carrying round Scottish £1 notes)

Clive – to himself – “not like she’s going out spending”

I don’t think Clive actually stole the rings. This time round.

So he hasn’t changed after all.

There’s a surprise …


Alistair reckons Clive isn’t out for revenge …

… but is fitting a new security light system in their backyard anyway. Wonder if that’s just to keep Shula calm?

They’re talking about Christine not knowing about Clive’s return.

[Shula] “He burnt her house down; she’ll be terrified, not anxious! … I know it is how I feel”

But Alistair reasons that Clive has been round for a while and nothing has happened. And George is dead.
And, if anyone should be worried about Clive wanting to attack them, it should be Susan.

[Alistair] “The point is, Clive isn’t behaving like he’s looking for revenge in anyone”

Hmmm. Not convinced about that.

But Shula does seem to be consoled. She’s agreed that she won’t get any more sleeping pills. Which Alistair thinks is very sensible and brave.


Clive kissing Matt’s behind

Matt returns home to find Clive raking up leaves at The Dower House.

Matt hasn’t asked him to – Clive’s just “kissing some serious backside” (Clive, to himself).

Matt’s at first a bit perturbed, then tells Clive he should be using the plastic rake, then (cheeky monkey that he is) tells Clive to mow the law.

Clive – to himself – “are you going to pay me for this, or am I your slave … you patronising … who does he think he is?”

(someone with all the work and money?)

But Clive’s volunteering gets him work. Matt tells him to keep his head down and “work on my terms”.

So Clive gets what he wants, but doesn’t sound like he’s a fan of Matt’s.

Do we feel trouble brewing?


Daniel spends Friday night with his parents

At The Bull, doing the Apple Day quiz.

Shula is worried about him having nothing to do on a Friday night than spend time with his folks – she thinks he should be out with a lass.

[Shula] “I’m not saying I want him to have some wild romance”

[Alistair] “But it works both ways, doesn’t it … it’s not in our gift, is it?”

Don’t worry Shula. Sounds like Daniel is doing quite well in winning the fair hand of Erin.

The Archers Tuesday 18th October 2011: Tom is forced to bow down to Underwoods

(hurrah! Love it when Tom gets humiliated)

• Will and Emma agree!
• Doug Somerville’s assistant is supercilious
• It’s nearly audition time
• Don’t upset Hilary’s cockatoo!
• Tom forced to kiss Doug Somerville’s shoes (not literally)
• Ivy’s not getting any better
• Princess Emma
• It’ll be blamed on the pigs …

Will and Emma agree!

Shock of the week!

Will doesn’t want George to see Clive again. Emma concurs.

Will is worried about the PlayStation. Emma agrees that she also didn’t want George to have one at his age, but at least can put Will’s mind at rest that it isn’t knocked off.

And – Will is worried about George’s obsession with playing burglar. As is Emma.

Well that’s at least one good thing to have come out of Clive’s return. Emma and Will talking without screaming, as well as agreeing on what’s best for George.


Doug Somerville’s assistant is supercilious

So says Tom.


It’s nearly audition time

Lynda’s putting her notices up and around about auditions for the Christmas around the World concert.

Though not everyone gets the concept:

[Susan] “I’ve never been away for Christmas!”

Now now Susan. You’ll have to come up with a better excuse than that to not take part.

I’m just (still) annoyed that it’s not a panto …

Anyhoo – Lynda is chasing after Emma to take part, though she’s actually mainly after Keira. She was the both of them to be a:

[Lynda] “Nativity tableau as the grand finale …All the nations could gather round the crib!”

[Susan] “Oh, isn’t that nice. Your first Christmas and you’ve got a starring role already”

Emma didn’t seem that keen. Funny. She normally scratches eyes out to be the centre of the attention. Think she’s worried about Keira upstaging her?


Don’t upset Hilary’s cockatoo!

Hilary Noakes has a petition on the go.

Tough action from ol’ Noakes. Hilary is against the bonfire being held on the village green (as it always is) because it’ll leave scorch marks (as it always does).

[Lynda] “I tried to reason with her but she kept coming up with more spurious objections … the noise upsets her cockatoo!”

[Susan] “Oh really … we change everything just for one person, or a cockatoo!”

Seems Hilary is claiming that all pet owners are upset about the noise – though Susan reckons they don’t complain about all the other fireworks parties, and they should also know by now to keep their pets inside.

Seems most folks, in reality, agree with Susan.

No-one has signed Hilary’s petition as yet.


Tom forced to kiss Doug Somerville’s shoes (not literally)

After being forced to wait an age, and only allowed a few moments of Doug Somerville’s time, Tom’s bristling to get a fair deal with Underwoods.

But Doug’s not for turning.

[Doug] “It remains to be seen … Tom Archer’s may ring a bell. An alarm bell … I’m taking a big risk here. Frankly, I’ve have expected a little more gratitude!”

[Tom] “You know how good my sausages are!”

Buy Doug reckons that he can take his pick of sausages producers – most of whom would give their “eye teeth” for the deal he’s offering Tom. In his humble (!) opinion, Tom needs to invest and work hard to try and make the best of it. He can’t expect everything to be as it was before, and Doug reckons the risk is all on Underwoods.

[Doug] “Are we clear where we stand? No more whinging or nik picking … I like you Tom, or I wouldn’t be giving you this chance. But you’ve got to see where you are. You used to be backed by a bigger brand … but that’s changed … so let’s see if Tom Archer’s Borchester brand can work on its own”

[Tom … chomping on some humble pie] “Yes. I do know it’s a great opportunity”

[Doug … as patronising as he can muster] “Yes. You’re a lucky boy”

Ivy’s not getting any better

Seems she just wants to stay in bed all the time. Which isn’t like her.

Infact, Susan reckons she’s getting worse.

Oh dear.

Both for Ivy.

But also for what it could mean about Clive. Could Ivy stipulate in her will that Clive gets to stay in her house?


Princess Emma

Emma’s talking to Susan about how worried she is that George is obsessing about playing burglar.

[Emma] “I mean all the time. In full costume”

But Susan reminds Emma that she was obsessed with being a princess when she was wee. Infact, she took it further than most:

[Susan] “Do all little girls insist their mum hide a pea under their mattress to see if they could feel it … for weeks we had to call you princess Emma!”

So, though George sleeps in his burglar mask – Susan reckons it must be more comfortable than the tiara Emma slept in.

[Susan] “He’ll get tired of it. I mean, I haven’t seen you in a tiara for years!”

It’ll be blamed on the pigs …

At home, Tom admits to Brenda that Doug “wiped the floor” with him.

[Tom] “I’m beginning to agree with mum. He’s not a nice man”

So Tom’s lost that battle. He’ll now concentrate on British Sausage Week (31st October – 6th November - http://www.lovepork.co.uk/blog/article/sausage_week_2011)

And, he reckons he’ll have his football playing pigs up on his website this weekend.

[Tom] “Those girls have a lot riding on them “

I hope, for their sake, they do generate interest.

Mind you – the worst that could happen to them is going to happen regardless …

The Archers Monday 10th October 2011: Nic and Will place bets on Emma

• Pat’s quite irritated by Tom
• Clarrie didn’t get the supermarket job
• It’s Susan’s birthday
• Seems Susan’s mum’s standards are also slipping
• Nic has Emma sussed
• No pressure, but …

Pat’s quite irritated by Tom

Seems Tom felt his meeting with Underwoods went well.

Pat doesn’t seem impressed.

[Susan] “It’s good you’re talking to him again”

[Pat – not sounding very enthusiastic] “I suppose it is”

She’s obviously still furious that Tom decided to rebrand, leaving Tony and Pat to try and cope with the ever-so damaged Bridge Farm brand by themselves.

[Susan] “We’ll you can change it back I suppose, when people forget”

I hope so.

And I hope it’s at a time when Tom Archer’s Borchester Sausages is on its way back down …


Clarrie didn’t get the supermarket job

[Clarrie] “It were only stacking shelves … younger than me, better qualified, I didn’t stand a chance”

Seems the job went to a younger woman who’d been made redundant from a bank. Though Nic reckons Clarrie’s age makes her more reliable and experienced, Clarrie reckons it’s qualifications that count. But in her day, they didn’t go for qualifications:

[Clarrie]” … unless you was clever …  jobs was easy to find them … I’m 57 and on the scrapheap … I just feel useless Nic, quite useless”

[Nic] “What would your family do without you, what would I do without you? … you are a treasure Clarrie and any employer would be lucky to have you”

Indeed.

But with so many and so few jobs, Clarrie’s recent E. coli status probably does knock her out of many of the running.

Even though she is a treasure.


It’s Susan’s birthday

And she’s off to a tribute band with Neil.

They never said who, though.


Seems Susan’s mum’s standards are also slipping

(like Peggy’s had been).

Does that mean Clive will worm his way into being her carer?

Or will she die, and leave Clive everything?

[Susan] “Clive can unsettle anybody , and I don’t trust him to have tapped her for some money … the good news is that he’s gone back to his bail hospital”

Which is only in Felpersham.

Come on Ivy – rally round.

We don’t want you to give Clive an excuse to move back in.


Nic has Emma sussed

On their way over to collect George from Emma’s:

[Nic] “You can play my game if you like … I try   to guess what’s she’s going to complain about this time … he stayed the night, so it’ll be his bedtime routine … he’s looking very tired, she’ll say … I think it’s funny, I’m just waiting to see what she’ll say next”

Seems Nic places bets with herself when guessing what Emma will complain about. She reckons Emma will say George looks tired, that they’re keeping him up late AND they’re reading him the wrong bedtime story.
 Emma does ask for it, really. She does prattle on about how her Keira and George started waddling/walking before Jake and Mia.

[Emma] “She can roll right across the room”

[Will, sarcastically] “Very useful …”

Will reckons that George did move around early. He remembers George just sitting in the middle of the room  and them having to take their toys to him.

Emma does not concur!

Emma then asks what bedtime book they’re reading to George. The answer is Jack and the Beanstalk:

[Emma] “Oh, he doesn’t really like that anymore, too babyish, I suppose that was Jake’s idea?”

So 1-nil to Nic, with Emma claiming George was too polite to tell Nic and Will that he didn’t want to read that book – and he also would have said so if he was at ‘home’.

Then

[Emma] “He’s looking really tired, I expect you let him stay up last night …”

2-mil for Nic!

She and Will break out in giggles that Nic got Emma almost word for word.

Ah Emma.

Mind when brothers used to fight over you?

Now, you’re just predictable.


No pressure, but …

Susan calls Emma to warn her that Clive wants to meet his great nephew and niece, and has said so to Ivy.

So, Ivy really wants Clive to meet his great nephew and niece.

[Emma] “Why?”

[Susan] “Why does that man do anything?”

Emma, quite rightly (for once) doesn’t want George and Keira anywhere near Clive.

Susan agrees, but also tells her that Ivy has her “heart set on it”

[Susan] “All I’m saying is she’s going to be really upset if you say no”

That’s helpful, Susan.

Either Emma lets a rather bad man meets her kids – or she lets down her (very ill) grand mum.

Emma's choice indeed.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 6th October 2011: Susan’s shocked by Clive (part deux)

(she was first shocked in yesterday’s Archers proper)

• Clive frightens everyone
• Erin wants to be Daniel’s partner
• You don’t woo a lady with a gun
• Clive and Matt?

Clive frightens everyone

Susan’s brought the shopping round to her mum’s, and stoops down to pick up the post, when:

[Clive] “Boo! … sorry sis, couldn’t resists … where you going, can’t I get a hug … don’t worry, I ain't escaped”

Seems Ivy didn’t phone Susan the moment Clive returned – so Susan had to find out from the man himself.

The Horrobins are a strange lot.

[Ivy] “He wanted it to be a surprise”

[Susan] “He hates me, mum”

Ivy reckons Clive doesn’t hate Susan now … so, that makes it alright then?

Susan doesn’t think so. Not after the horses. The fire. The robbery.

[Ivy] “He ain’t like that no more … stop spoiling things. Your brother wants to make a fresh start”

Hmmmm.


Erin wants to be Daniel’s partner

But only for a school project.

Seems our Daniel is very good with the female species.

He ‘likes’ Erin, but says no to be her project partner.

He’s lucky that Erin likes him being a bit:

[Erin] “ …strange … mysterious … he’s not like the rest of you guys”

[some bloke – I didn’t catch his name] “He’s a muppet”

Daniel seems to come to his senses, and says that he will do the project with Erin.

And then begins muttering internally that he’s got to remember not to pull his hair when he’s around Erin.

Eh?

Maybe some internal mutterings make sense only in one’s own mind.


You don’t woo a lady with a gun

Forced to sit and make small chat with Clive at her mums, Susan is quite perturbed to hear that Clive wants to see Keira and George.

Clive’s also impressed that Chris bagged an Aldridge.

[Clive] “Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I should have chatted up the posh birds, I always had a thing for that Debbie”

[Susan] “Well you shouldn’t have pointed a gun at her then!”

Later on:

[Susan] “Clive what are you doing here . … I'm serious. You’ll only frighten people … the whole village is terrified of you!”

[Clive] “Are you scared of me? … I understand why you shopped me. I should never have gone after Barford and his missus, he should have kept his nose out, I were only coming back to see me family. Why did you have to go and tell the police?”

But, that’s all over as far as Clive is now concerned (so why’d he bring it up?)/. He reckons he needs Susan, and wants to “put the past behind them”.

Double Hmmmm.


Clive and Matt?

Clive heard from Ivy that Matt lives in the Dower House:

[Clive] “Who says crime don’t pay?”

And they’re both astonished Matt only got a year:

[Ivy] “Did I say … it’s one rule for the rich”

Oh come on!

Matt ripped off the inland revenue (yah!) and the banks (hurrah!), whereas Clive maimed animals, assaulted people, stole from the local village shop (so technically Peggy and Jack), scared the life out of young women, old men and Betty, staled George and Christine …. Hardly compares, does it?

Later on, when Clive’s in The Bull (muttering internally that Fallon's grown up nicely … what a slime – and also saying to himself about Mike “Fatty Tucker. You’d think I had lurgy or something”), he bumps into Matt again.

Seems Lilian (quite rightly) gave Matt an earful for taking Clive home – though to be fair on Matt, he’d no idea who Clive as at first.

[Matt] “Just keep your nose clean and to hell with everyone else”

[Clive] “I just need to get myself a job. A Home. A woman. Just like you have … we all deserve a second chance”

Okay – so bets on for (a) Clive somehow blackmailing/backing Matt into a corner and both of them ending up in trouble (b) Matt seeing Clive as a useful odd-job man to have around, and both of them ending up in trouble (c) Clive stealing from Matt either by burglary or by stealth, and somehow both of them ending up in trouble.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday October 4th 2011: Oh horror! It’s Clive Horrobin!

(which I predicted 27th September as Susan’s mum had a cough)

• “That wasn’t Clive Horrobin, was it?”
• Internal wonderings
• Some girl called Erin
• When Matt met Clive
• The Who … that’s better
• To Friend or not to Friend, that is the question
• Alistair is a bit nervous
• At least Ivy is happy

“That wasn’t Clive Horrobin, was it?”

So the first Ambridge Extra of this season starts with some bloke trying to hitch a lift.

He’s wondering to himself he should have just “jacked” one.

And he sounds Liverpuddian.

Alistair drives by with Daniel in the car. Alistair wonders to himself:

[Alistair] “That wasn’t Clive Horrobin was it? Couldn’t have been. They wouldn’t have released him yet, surely?”

So can't be Liverpuddian. Unless he was sharing a cell with one.


Internal wonderings

I reckon Ambridge Extra got off to a good start this time – the secret microphones certainly seem to be in a better place (so they don’t just pick up the mumblings of Ambridge’s teens).

But what’s all this internal monologue stuff?

Very odd.


Some girl called Erin

Daniel was telling Alistair about some girl called Erin Hayes.

I must admit I drifted off as they were talking, but sounds like she’s in his class at school, and had glandular fever once.


When Matt met Clive

Matt picks up the bloke who has been trying to hitch for a fair while now.

Both Matt and the bloke are surprised that they’re both heading to Ambridge.

And why is the bloke going to Ambridge?

[Clive] “Just me old mum. She ain't well”

Aha (we all cry!). It is Clive!

[Matt] “Aren’t you supposed to be a maniac or something … I heard they’d thrown away the key”

[Clive] “Look, I know I’ve got a bad reputation”

[Matt] “You’ve earned it, son”

[Clive – shouting at first] “I WERE ANGRY … I’m passed it now. Like it got me anywhere. On a twelve year bit … got out after 6.

“ … back then I reckoned the whole world were against me … you spend so long trying to keep your place in the pecking order you forget who you were fighting”

Seems Clive now reckons he’d been fighting the system.

Conveniently forgetting all the folks he hurt along the way.

As Matt drops him off, Matt behaves a bit oddly. He at first didn’t want to tell Clive his name.

But anyhoo – Matt’s first words when he arrives home:

[Clive] “What are you looking at ... stupid gnomes.”

Then as he’s waiting for the door to be opened:

[Clive] “Screws? How come he knew so much about jail?”

The Who … that’s better

I was worried about blasts of pop music in Ambridge Extra – but its okay.

The musical blasts have progressed to something a bit more classy.

Matt was playing Who Are You by The Who.

That’s better.


To Friend or not to Friend, that is the question

Daniel is wondering to himself if he should Friend Erin (on what I assume was Facebook).

He’s being a bit of a stalker, but I suppose that’s just what we do these days.

Spot someone you like. Google them. Facebook them. Follow them on Twitter.

Suppose it’s safer than hanging outside your target’s window …


Alistair is a bit nervous

He’s checking all of their windows are shut.

He worried about Clive coming back to attack them again.

Well – technically he’d attached their horses. And quite viciously so. How he could have slashed the horses in the first place I don’t know – and why that was a good way of trying to get at Christine and George (who he thought still owned the stables) is also a bit strange.


At least Ivy is happy

Clive arrives home. Bert and Gary are there.

And his mum, Ivy, is over the moon.

[Ivy] “I can’t believe it. My little boy’s come home!”

I think ivy will be the only one to be glad to see Clive.