Saturday, 31 December 2011

Caroline drops the cake 30/12/11

The Archers Friday 30th December 2011

  • Brookfield in for a bumpy 2012
  • The cake arrives
  • Joe’s fixing the chandelier?
  • No dairy at Brookfield?!?
  • The cake gets sat on

Brookfield in for a bumpy 2012

It’s raining

Actually, it’s a downpour. Which is a real worry for Brookfield.

They’ve had to spread extra slurry to empty the slurry lagoon. If it rains too much, that slurry will be washed into waterways (which will result in fines, as well as pollution).

But all looks fine so far, with no run off.

[David] “And certainly no dead fish, thank god”

Seems Pip and Josh have been worrying about the slurry problem. Specifically, where Brookfield will find the money to fix it.

[David] “I didn’t want all this to spoil Christmas for them”

Between the slurry problem and milk prices also being down:

[Ruth] “I’m afraid we may be in for a bit of a bumpy ride this year”

But rather than watch their new DVD, Josh and Pip would rather sit down with Ruth and David to talk through what choices Brookfield need to make.

The cake arrives

[Ian] “I promised Will I take delivery of his wedding cake with my own fair hands”

There’s already a problem with the cake, though. Rather than Eddie delivering it, they’ve had to entrust it to Joe (as Eddie had a last minute job). Will is not amused.

[Ian] “I’d be in a state if I thought my wedding cake was being transported in a pony and trap!”

Joe eventually struggles in with the cake – though it sounded like Ian and Caroline were more worried about Joe dropping it, than him feeling the burden on his 90+ bones. Seems he decided to carry all the tiers in at the same time rather than have to make 3 trips back and forth to the trap.

[Joe] “Clarrie out them in three boxes so it wouldn’t have hurt if I’d dropped one”


Anyhoo – Joe hands over the cake safely. So all is well …

Joe’s fixing the chandelier?

I thought Roy had said that it wouldn’t be a Del Boy and Rodney farce …

But all Joe wanted to do was have a look at it.

Caroline tries to stop him going up a ladder to do so.

[Joe] “Cause of all that health and safety nonsense?”

[Caroline] “Because I don’t want you spending Will’s wedding in hospital!”

Never one to listen, Joe tries to climb on the ladder that Caroline is already on. She manages to shoo him down before they both end up in hospital.

[Joe] “I just wanted to tell Will I’d checked the chandelier with me own eyes”

[Caroline] “You’re lucky it’s still there at all, if I’d had to hold onto it to steady the ladder!”

[Joe] “Sorry missus … Will’s last wedding turned into being such a fiasco, I wants everything to go absolutely right for the lad this time”

Ah, that’s the lovely thing about Joe. His heart is generally always in the right place. He just often sets about it cack-handed.

No dairy at Brookfield?!?

The family discussion at Brookfield (minus Ben, who isn’t quite ready to be taking life too seriously) went along the lines of: they’d get a better price selling direct to supermarkets, but recent experience has proved that it isn’t way forward – they need to find other ways of selling milk at a premium price – they couldn’t do a milk round as Mike already has that market locally– intensive?, good go no – they could cut costs by having s smaller herd, but would then have no decent return – they could scale up production, but would need to lose sheep

[David] “It’s a family tradition. Your great grandfather was very proud of his sheep”

[Pip] “We could come out of dairy altogether and concentrate on the sheep and the beef cattle”

[Josh] “We can’t do that! Brookfield without dairy, that’s impossible … no, absolutely no”

[David] “I wouldn't be happy. I promised my father I’d keep Brookfield a mixed farm”

[Pip] “Granddad was always such a practical man, he knew times change”

Pip wants them to at least look at new enterprises – as Phil did when he brought pigs in.

[Pip] “Mixed doesn’t have to include dairying”

And she reckons they’d have more time and energy to do other things, as well as more of a social life and (shock horror) have holidays, if they didn’t do dairy.

[Josh] “I’d rather have the cows”

[Ruth] “I would too”

As David and Ruth later mull it over together:

[David] “They’re pretty impressive, our kids”

[Ruth] “It’s so sweet Josh is so loyal to the dairy”

And while they both hope that they won’t have to end dairying at Brookfield:

[David] “Pip’s right. We can’t rule anything out”

The cake gets sat on

Ian and Caroline have opened the wedding cake boxes, and reckon it’s a stunner. Such intricacy.

[Ian] “Clarrie certainly knows how to ice a cake”

I’m still not clear why, but Caroline felt the need to pick up one if the tiers, and walk across the kitchen.

She slips. And comes down with a rather heavy bump. Onto the cake.

Oh dear.

[Caroline] “Never mind about me. Look at the cake. Oh Ian. What are we going to do?”

Ian blames himself for moping down the floor after Joe’s muddy boots,

[Ian] “A wet kitchen floor is an accident waiting to happen, second rule in the chefs rule book”

[Caroline] “What’s the first?”

[Ian] “Don’t drop the wedding cake!”

Ian doesn’t seem too panicked. He has time to make up a new tier, though it’ll have to be sponge rather than fruit cake. He reckons the guests won’t notice (they’ll have had enough to drink by the cake cutting part of the day), and if Caroline makes sure that Nic and Will cut another tier, even they won’t notice. Though Ian is worried about the icing.

[Ian] “Icing a cake. It’s like a signature”

[Caroline] “Oh good lord, the top tear. Some people ask us to save it so they can use it as a christening cake!”

[Ian] “Well at least they won’t notice it was sponge until after the wedding … Do we even know Nic and Will want children, haven’t they go enough already!”

[Caroline] “I don’t know Ian. I can hardly ask them on their wedding day”

So Caroline will have to whip away two tiers – one because it’s sponge, and another to save for a possible christening.

Dearie me.

It’s not like our ever dependable and precise Caroline to create a crisis. Especially after Joe and Bartleby managed to deliver that cake safely.

Piglets set free 29/12/11

The Archers Thursday 29th December 2011
  • Was it fixed?
  • Tracey lets the pig out of the bag
  • Helen’s back on the booze
  • Roy’s checking his list twice

Was it fixed?

Neil was trapped in the Village shop, with Susan, having to listen to Vicky’s ramblings about last night’s Christmas around the World.

[Neil] “I only popped in for some mints, not a minute by minute run down o last night’s show. I mean, we were there!”

Vicky is not only crowing about the success of Christmas around the World – she’s also elated that she won the table centrepiece decoration competition. Susan reckons it was a fix. Vicky was one of the organisers of Christmas around the World, so was also on the inside of the competition. In Susan’s opinion, Vicky shouldn’t have been allowed to enter.

[Neil] “But half the village would have been cut out!”

Tracey lets the pig out of the bag

Susan wants to call Jennifer to see if Ruairi is okay after having been sick at their Christmas morning soiree. Susan reckons Jennifer will be embarrassed:

[Neil] “Not as embarrassed as we should be if she finds out it was Tracey feeding him chocolate”

[Susan] “Maybe it would be better just to leave it”

[Neil] “Talking of leaving things and Tracey …”

[Susan] “What’s she done now?”

[Neil] “She’s still here!”

Seems Susan and Neil have different opinions about when Christmas is over. Neil reckons now – Susan reckons it’s after New Year. And she doesn’t want to ask Tracey to leave until Christmas is over.

Neil leaves it at that, but later arrives home to find chaos. His piglets are out of their pen, running amok, but Tracey is just standing around laughing.

Seems her Chelsea wanted to stroke the piglets. How that led to them all getting out isn’t explained …

[Neil] “Oh for heaven’s sake Tracey, they’re not pets!”

[Tracey] “Oh well, it’s all good exercise isn’t it, for us and the pigs”

Susan then arrives home to find her garden wrecked (piglets and gardening don’t mix well). Seems it took Neil (and Tracey, eventually) over an hour to get the piglets back where they should be.

[Neil] “It’s not on Tracey. These pigs are my livelihood … doesn’t seem like you or your kids respect that at all. This isn’t a petty zoo, and what happened wasn’t funny”

Tracey apologies and reassures that it won’t happen again. Neil is just about to tell her to pack her bags and be gone, but Susan calls time out (for a cup of tea).

[Neil] “It’s not going to work Susan. You’re not going to put me off this time!”

[Susan] “But losing your temper isn’t going to get Tracey out ... it won’t happen at all if we don’t do it properly”

Susan’s plan is to get their dad, Bert, to ask Tracey to move in – rather than for Susan and Neil to ask her to move out. A positive rather than a negative.

Either which way, Susan better get a move on before a piglet is hurt.

Helen’s back on the booze

Pink champagne, this time.

She brought it round for the wedding hairdresser rehearsal with Nic and Mia.

Slippery slope … Mike’d better stay indoors again.

Roy’s checking his list twice

Mainly because Will’s nerves are running high.

He wants to be sure Mia and Jake now how to give Nic away. That Roy had the Vangelis, Shania Twain and Handel music ready. And that Ian will be waiting on the door step with open arms for the wedding cake from Eddie.

Roy does his best to reassure Will.

But, then tells him that there is a problem with the chandelier in their function room at Grey Gables. Seems another, quite boisterous, party had been in the other night, and someone had “knocked off some of the dangly bits”.

Not sure why Roy felt the need to tell Will, as it’ll be fixed before his wedding. It sends Will into a frenzied panic. He’s worried the whole thing will now fall down (a la Phantom of the Opera style, one supposes) halfway through their wedding.

[Roy] “She’s going to ask the maintenance man to do it, not Del Boy and Rodney!”

But Will calls Caroline anyway to triple check. He does know he’s being a pain, but he also wants to be sure everything will be perfect for Nic.

[Will] “I want to give her the wedding she deserves. I love her so much”

Later on – Will is still worrying. He’s checking with Nic that Helen knows when to arrive and what to do (being Helen, she already has her own timetable written down anyway!). A bigger worry is Emma. She needs to organise George as the ring bearer. Do we sense that’s one aspect that could be a disaster …?

Nic tries to give him a sense of perspective.

[Nic] “As long as you turn up, it will be. That’s all I care about”

Sounds like that won’t be enough for Will. He needs perfection (bless ‘im).

It’s New Year (!) 29/12/11

Ambridge Extra 29th December 2011

  • Shula makes Daniel see sense
  • Clive’s in hospital
  • Amy genetically wired to stab someone?
  • Daniel ruins Erin’s New Year

Shula makes Daniel see sense

Daniel came in at 3am last night, and doesn’t want anything to do with Alistair. He won’t even sit down at the kitchen table to talk.

[Daniel] “No. Not while he’s here … didn’t you hear me, you shouldn’t even still be here”

He tries to go out riding, but Shula catches up with him before he can leave:

[Shula] “This isn’t going to get any better if we don’t talk about it … darling, I need you to see something. Last night dad showed me the texts Erin sent him”

[Daniel] “Don’t you get it, I’m not interested, he’s full of bull”

[Shula] “I didn’t want to look either but I had to. You're just going to have to be grown up about this. Here. It’s both side of the conversation. You can see the dates”

Daniel reading Erin’s texts to himself:
(from Erin) ‘When are you visiting next, I could do with some more of that smile’
(from Erin) ‘Hey Al, don’t worry about Mr Purvis, I’ll just flutter my eyelashes at him’
(November 21st from Alistair)’ tomorrow fine Erin, but I can only spend half an hour’
(November 22nd from Erin) – had a fab time with you today, can’t stop thinking about when I can come over again’
(from Erin) ‘My evenings are you boring when I’m not with you x x’

[Shula] “She was the one coming onto him, He really didn’t do anything”

[Daniel, the truth starting to dawn] “He still could have stopped her”

[Shula] “Your dad just didn’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all. Oh come on love, he knows he made a mistake. Your dad would never do what she’s accusing him of. I know that, and believe me I was furious when he first told me, and you know it too don’t you … look, I’m sorry, I wish I didn’t have to show you those, but you were so convinced”

[Daniel, upset] “I thought she really like me mum, and all the time … not as much as dad though”

[Shula] “Oh come here, this is my fault as well, I should have told you sooner, I only didn’t because I love you and your dad loves you as well”

Daniel goes back in to say sorry to Alistair for everything that he’d said. Alistair apologies to him as well.

[Alistair] “If I could go back and do things differently. I just hoped I could let Erin down gently without destroying your relationship”

[Daniel] “I should have known she’d never have been interested in me anyway”

Daniel now doesn’t want to go the ball as he thinks everyone will be laughing at him. And Erin will be there

[Alistair] “This isn’t about you. Honestly, the way Erin’s treated you, she doesn’t deserve you. She’s not worth it Daniel … she just uses men for attention, none of this reflects on you” … In fact, it would be good if she sees you there. Show her you’re above her silly games”

I still think Alistair did encourage Erin to an extent (and it was all middle-aged ego), but he did stop it before it went too far. Again – don’t play games with kids!

Clive’s in hospital

Earlier on, we hears Usha talking to Amy about meeting up to do the sales. It was obvious Amy hadn’t told Usha about the Clive and her car incident.

Amy is now visiting Clive:

[Clive] “Come to gloat?”

[Amy] “I just wanted to check how you are. You’re looking better than I expected”

Clive is alive, but with two broken ribs, a “battered” pelvis and a hairline fracture on his neck.

[Clive] “I suppose I really ought to thank you, it’s what these doctors keep telling me anyhow, you know, cause of me spine”

(goodness me – Clive sounds rather sheepish)

[Amy] “I could hardly leave you there could I?”

[Clive] “Well I would have done … well anyway, ta”

[Amy] “That’s alright”

Clive tells her than his “rambling” after she had knocked him over was “rubbish”

[Clive] “You’re not to pay any heed to it”

So – he doesn’t want her to think of what he was saying about his childhood. He also starts blustering that hospital is great – free meals and pretty nurses.

As Amy is leaving:

[Clive] “Oh and eh Amy, maybe I’ll see you in Ambridge sometime”

[Amy] “You’re not coming back, are you?”

[Clive] “Who knows? Never say never, eh?”


Has Amy literally knocked some sense into Clive – meaning his return will be of a prodigal come good – or will he be back to his usual Horrible Horrobin self?

Does he think that he now has a friend in Amy?

Amy genetically wired to stab someone?

Amy meets up with Usha, and tells her everything about Clive.

Usha is upset that Amy didn’t tell her and Alan about Clive stalking her. Usha thinks he should have been reported first time round.

But Amy’s worries go beyond Clive.

[Amy] “I’m not even sure I didn’t mean to hit him Usha. Yes, he was drunk, and he stumbled out in front of the car, but I don’t know maybe, subconsciously …”

[Usha] “Oh come on, you know that’s nonsense”

[Amy] “I’m not sure anymore, the way that I felt when I saw him last week, it was like, just this anger, I couldn’t control it. What if it’s the same thing that made my mum stab that girl? … I’ve always had a temper and dad, he says how much I remind him of her. It used to make me feel connected to her, but know?”

[Usha] “Your mum made a mistake, you don’t believe it made a bad person do you, so you’re not a bad person either … we all have parts of us we’re ashamed of, thoughts that we wouldn’t want anyone else to hear, it’s how we act on them that’s important, and you helped Clive”

[Amy] “That was just my training kicking in”

[Usha] “Exactly, your instincts as a carer.”

[Amy] “If things had been different for me, if I’d have had his upbringing …”

[Usha, first saying lots of ‘no, no, no’] “Clive had his choices … you’re kind and compassionate and warm hearted, your mum would be very proud, and so am I. For what it’s worth”

Amy reckons Usha’s pride in her is worth a lot. Especially as she doesn’t feel she could talk to her dad or Mabel like this.

[Amy] “I’m so glad that you’re part of your family, And you’re right. It’s not about the past”

[Usha] “You’re a very special girl Amy. Makes me wish I’d known your mum. She must have been very special too”

That’s better.

It had been recently sounding like Usha was jealous of (the dearly departed) Catherine, and that Amy didn’t really accept Usha in their family. But, now sounds like that’s all sorted.

Just took a drunk Clive and assault with a car.

Daniel ruins Erin’s New Year

Daniel has gone to the ball. After making sure he’s out his cloakroom ticket somewhere safe (bless him and his pedantic ways), he spots Erin. And goes over to her.

Daniel – to himself - God she looks amazing

[Erin, surprised] “Dan, you came!”

Daniel – to himself - Who’s that she’s with?

Seems Erin is at the ball with some chap called Miles, who Daniel reckons to himself is at least twice her age.

But Amy saves him (that’s 2 blokes in as many days!). She’s at the ball, and when he tells her that he’s split up with is girlfriend, she drags him off to spend New Year with her and her mates.

Later on, as Daniel is getting a drink, he bumps into that Miles chap again.

And what’s this …. When Daniel mentions that he knows Erin as they goes to school together, Miles seems confused.

[miles] “But Erin’s a vet. She’s just graduated”

[Daniel, laughing] “Is that what she’s told you?!?”

Erin comes over:

[Miles] “Erin what’s all this about you two going to school together? How old are you?”

[Erin, laughing nervously] “Dan, what have you been telling him?”

[Miles, now angry] “How old?”

[Dan, loving the scene] “Well, go on”

There’s silence from Erin.

[Daniel] “She’s seventeen!”

[Mile, horrified] “Seventeen! Seriously?”

[Erin] “Does it matter?”

[Miles] Just a bit. I’m not a cradle snatcher. Keep your drink. Go find someone your own age!”

[a rather triumphant Daniel] “You lied to him. Seems like you’ve been doing that a lot … give it up. I’m not falling for it, alright,. Tell your story to somebody else. I’ve got a life to get on with!”

It’s just before the bells, so Amy returns to Daniel. Seems she had introduced him to a girl he’s been getting on with, but as the countdown has started, they seal their New year with a friendly peck.

Daniel – to himself, texting - Hey, thanks for always being there dad. Happy New Year


Corny and obvious?

Possibly – but I enjoyed that moment. Good for Daniel to see that Erin was just a little witch (or replace that ‘w; with a ‘b’) and good for Daniel to see in the New Year with mates, and a good feeling about Alistair.

My only slight confusion is that we eavesdropped into this on the 29th (though I am writing this up on the 31st). Was this a mock New Year ball?

(I know – Ambridge Extra time is a law unto itself)

Christmas around the World 28/12/11

The Archers Wednesday 28th December 2011
  • Tom loves his nephew
  • Of course … Tom was worried about Tom
  • Lynda still doesn’t know what Jazzer is singing
  • No more “it’ll be alright on the night”
  • Yes Jim, what equipment do you need?
  • Albanian music
  • James at the concert
  • Peggy’s ankle is better
  • Jazzer isn’t too impressed
  • Jim did fine
  • Jazzer’s singing was …

Tom loves his nephew

Which is sweet.

Not something you can generally say about Tom …

He’s been spending quality time with Henry. It seemed to have something to do with a ball pit.

Tom not merely recognises that Henry is better with balls than his pigs are (blimey!), but he also reckons Henry is great to be with.


Wonder if that means he’ll be impregnating Brenda anytime soon?

Considering their engagement as seemed to be forgotten, I’d reckon not.

Of course … Tom was worried about Tom

Pat manipulated Helen?

Brenda and Tom are talking about Helen’s apparent change of heart about Rich. Helen has softened to the idea of why Pat and Tony chased so hard to meet Rich.

[Tom] “Only because mum manipulated her … she played the John card, that trumps everything”

[Brenda] “I really don’t think your mum is that calculating”

[Tom] “I still think it’s very generous of Helen to take everything that mum said at face value”

[Brenda] “You’re very protective of Helen and Henry, aren’t you?”

[Tom] “Someone’s got to be. I’m only looking after their interest. I’m protecting my sister and my nephews”

[Brenda] “And yourself. Tom you’re so angry, Are you sure some of this isn’t about you?”

But of course it is! What else would really motive Tom, despite that his claims of wanting to protect Helen and Henry.

Tom sees Rich as a threat. As predicted.

[Tom] “Sounds so paranoid … I can’t stop wondering if Rich might turn up here one day”

[Brenda] “And it would bother you if he did … even if it made your mum  happy?”

[Tom] “It would depend why he’d come, I mean if wanted anything to do with the farm …”

[Brenda] “I don’t think it’s very likely. He doesn’t even know there is a farm”

(eh? He will one day, surely Brenda?)

[Brenda] “All the work you’ve put into Bridge farm over the years, naturally you want to protect it”

[Tom] “He might want a  stake in it, a say in how we do things”

Brenda reckons Pat and Tony would never let that happen.

[Brenda] “You saved Bridge Farm … This kid may be John’s son, but you’re his heir”

True enough that Tom took on John’s business and made it work. But hardly true that he saved Bridge Farm after E. coli – he merely saved his own neck.

Typical Tom. It’s always about Tom Archer’s.

Lynda still doesn’t know what Jazzer is singing

Though the show is now, and Jazzer has told Robert (for lighting) and Patrick (for the piano), he still won’t tell Lynda.

[Lynda] “I’m the only one in the dark, then”


No more “it’ll be alright on the night”

Or else Lynda will get very (very) upset.

Yes Jim, what equipment do you need?

Jim’s equipment still hasn’t been sorted.
[Jim] “You’d be surprised …”

[Lynda] “I wash my hands of the whole thing”

[Jim] “Now Lynda, there’s no need to get a state into all of this … I’m sorry Lynda, I do appreciate your hard work, I really do”

Later on, when it’s nearly Jim’s turn and the equipment still hasn’t arrived (Lynda has a hard time getting hold of someone at Grey Gables – they are busy, after all. Ian was meant to take the equipment with the food but had no room. So Caroline is due to arrive with it, but she hasn’t arrived as yet), Jim suggests they move his spot to end the end in place of Jazzer.

Lynda’s also having none of that nonsense. Seems she’d prefer to take a chance on whatever Jazzer will sing than ending her show with Latin.

Albanian music

One of Elona’s daughters has just done her turn.

[Vicky] “I’ve never heard Albania music before”

[Lynda] “I don’t suppose anyone has”


James at the concert

Taking photos.

But we don’t have to suffer him talking.

Seems Leonie is also there. She even makes up a plate for Lynda.

But we also don’t have to suffer her talking.

Happy Christmas!

Peggy’s ankle is better


Seems Elona is still being a great (paid) help to her.

Peggy spent Christmas lunch with Matt and Lilian, then went to see Jack.

Glad to hear she’s doing okay. Always worrying when someone gets hurt then goes silent …

Jazzer isn’t too impressed

Not by the food:

[Jazzer] “Too fiddly. All these wee bits and pieces. I want something ah can get ma teeth intae”

Nor by Rhys’ recitation:

[Jazzer] “I couldnae understand a word Rhys was saying”

[Tom] “He was reading it in English!”

[Jazzer] “I know. That was the trouble”

Jim did fine

After all that stress – and a horrible moment when it seemed he was about to do a PowerPoint presentation – Jim’s bit was fine.

All he needed was a computer, a screen and a projector. Simple, really.

He’s reading from Virgil’s Georgix book 2 lines 513-531.

[Jim] “For those of you who don’t know it it’s a poetic handbook on the arts of husbandry, should any of the farmers here wants to borrow my copy … I’ve chosen some lines on the pleasures of winter after the hard work of the agricultural year, that may strike a chord, it even ends with a darts match.

“ … But still the farmer furrows the land with his curving plough, the land this is annual labour, it keeps his native country …”

[Lynda] “That’s English, Robert, he’s reading in English!”

[Robert] “Yes indeed Lyndee, he is”

[Jim] “His little grandsons and herds of cattle and trusty bullocks …” (and on)

So Jim’s surprise was to put the Latin on the screen, but ready in English.

Steady on there! Too much excitement indeed.

Jazzer’s singing was …

… disappointing, in my humble opinion.

[Jazzer] “Ah have tae apologise to all they folks who were expecting a Scottish Christmas song, but it turns out we save our energies for Hogmanay … I thought I could cross the ocean as so many we scots have done in the past”

So he sings Have Yourself a Merry little Christmas … but quite badly. Lynda seemed to enjoy it, but I think Jazzer performs best with his wee ditties – this was a bit too much for him.

[Lynda] “Oh Robert, that’s beautiful., What a lovely song,. Fancy Jazzer coming up with it!”

[Robert] “It’s been an evening of surprises. And all good ones. Thanks to you. Happy Christmas Lyndee”

Helen understands Pat 27/12/11

The Archers Tuesday 27th December

  • Pat talks to Kathy
  • Robert tries to calm down Lynda
  • Pat is primeval
  • Where’s Jim’s equipment?

Pat talks to Kathy

Over lunch and a white wine spritzer.

Kathy was telling Pat that Lilian asking for list of invites for her 60th birthday.

[Pat] “I don’t know if I can face it. … maybe I’ll cancel it. I don’t feel like I have much to celebrate … I thought I could forget, if I threw myself into our family Christmas, I could forget.

“But I couldn’t … I made a complete fool of myself on Christmas afternoon … Helen said, just think this time last year you didn’t have a grandson ..,. and I though yes, now I've got two, only one I can’t see, It was too much. I broke down.

“Then we had the most terrible row, the children’s were so angry with me … there was Henry, lovely, lovely Henry who I see every day and the thought that I was never going to see Rich again”

[Kathy] “Again? What do you mean again? Pat, you didn’t?”

[Pat] “I thought it would help … it’s made things worse, for everyone. I think it was a terrible mistake”

Pat had thought that seeing Rich would help her move on, but it hasn’t. (obviously)

[Pat] “I know from the photos that he looked like John, I’d steel myself for that … but he has some of John’s mannerisms too, I hadn’t expected that. It was heart stopping”

[Kathy] “Jamie has some of Sid’s. It takes my breath away sometimes … but, he’s not John”

[Kathy] “I know. But that’s how I’d been thinking of him. A piece of John. He’s so much more. He’s his own person, even in the short time we were together, I could such a strong sense of his personality”

[Kathy] “That’s a good thing isn’t it, if you can separate him from John?”

[Pat] “No. because now I want to get to know him better. I want it so much … So, for the sake of 10 minutes with a grandson I shall never see again, I've totally alienated my own children … they were so angry, I don’t know if they’ll ever forgive me”

[Kathy] “It’s been a big shock finding a cuckoo in their nest … what does it actually mean to them. It just brings back painful memoires of losing John … at the moment they’re just jealous, Rich has been taking an awful lot of your attention and Tony’s”

Pat tells Kathy that it hasn’t changed the way she and Tony feel about Helen and Tom. Kathy tells Pat that they need to tell them that.

Robert tries to calm down Lynda

Not an easy thing to do, considering Christmas around the World is tomorrow.

[Robert] “Sit down, relax and pass me that cheese … pour us both a glass of wine and relax for half an hour”

Lynda is worried about everything – but especially Jazzer. She still doesn’t know what his song is …

Pat is primeval

Once home, Pat apologies to Helen.

[Pat] “I see now how wrong it was for me and your dad to go and see rich without telling you and Tom”

[Helen] “We’d ask you not to …”

[Pat] “I know. We’d just got swept up. I just couldn’t bear not to see him. Even if it was only once”

[Helen] “Despite what we wanted?”

[Pat] “Despite what anyone wanted., It was primeval. That’s an explanation, not an excuse”

As Helen has said to Tom, she needed time to ponder. She’s been trying to see things from pat’s point of view, and has also been looking at the pictures of Rich.

[Pat] “I was seeing Rich for the first time, but then I saw John again”

[Helen] “It seems now that he’s turned out not to be your first grandchild, Henry just doesn’t count anymore. That’s what’s really upsetting me mum”

[Pat] “If anything, this has made me love Henry even more. Because it’s made me realise how blessed I am to have my grandson in my house, where I can see him every day, watch him develop, love him as much as I want to. I can never have that with Rich … Henry has always been extra precious because we nearly lost him, now he’s even more. If this had happened and I hadn’t got henry, I don’t know what I would have done”

[Helen] “You’ve seemed lost in the past, back with John, and Tom and I felt the same, as if we didn’t count anymore”

[Pat] “Losing John made me love you more, if that’s possible”

[Helen] “That’s all I wanted to know. I hated feeling jealous. I wanted to be happy John had a son”

[Pat] “You can be. He’s a lovely boy. You know Helen, he’s called John too”

[Helen] “So, Sharon did love John after all?”

[Pat] “I think she did. I wonder if she’ll ever forgive us”

[Helen] “Or let us meet him .. he may try and find him himself”

They agree that if you love someone, you have to let them go. As they all had to do with John.

As Helen reminds herself, she also had to let go of Greg Turner. Then Annette turned up.

So – Helen now understands that you can move on, until that reminder comes back onto your life. Her mention of maybe Rich one day trying to find them sounds like she now also wants to meet him.

That just leaves Tom to convince.

Where’s Jim’s equipment?

After Robert managed to get Lynda to sit down, they’re now at the hall doing the final setup for Christmas around the World.

[Jim] “What a hive of activity!”

[Robert] “And you’ve come as an extra bee?”

No. Jim’s not a drone – he’s just come to rehearse.

But there’s a problem.

Jim was expecting Lynda to sort his equipment. But Lynda thought he had just been describing his equipment to her (oo-er!), and that he’d sort himself.

[Jim] “It is your show, Lynda!”

[Lynda] “And it’s your poem, Jim. No one else wants anything this complicated!”

Robert steps in to say that he can at least sort the computing back – and Lynda reckons she can sort the rest out from Grey Gables.

Damn that Jim!

As if Lynda needs the extra stress.

And what equipment does one need to recite a Latin poem?

Alistair loses a son & Clive’s dying? 27/12/11

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 27th December 2011
  • Clive’s stalking Amy
  • Daniel’s stalking Erin
  • Erin crashes Daniel’s world
  • Amy crashes into Clive
  • Daniel opts out from Alistair

Clive’s stalking Amy

Clive sounds like he’s stood on a street, drinking. His bottle is nearly empty.

Clive – to himself - Need something to warm me up … where are you miss Franks. Every other nurse has walked by. You’ve got to come out of there eventually. Well I’m damned if I’m going to let some stuck up vicar’s daughter treat me that way … right then,. Let’s have some fun!

He sees Amy leaving the hospital, and smashes down his bottle as he sets off after her.

[Clive] “Amy. Amy, Amy. Young women like you should be careful in a place like this”

[Amy, trying to get into her car] “Just go away. Let me open the door”

She smells the booze on his breath.

[Clive] “I only want to know if you had a nice Christmas. How do you think I spent my then, eh?”

Amy - to herself – please somebody

[Amy] “Help. Over here!”

[Clive] “Well, you seem to think you know so much about me?”

Sounds like Amy kicks or punches him, managing to him away from her and her car.

Daniel’s stalking Erin

Daniel really is creepy. I know fist love can warp the best of us, but he clearly isn’t taking any notice of the fact that she’s been ignoring and avoiding him.

He’s at Erin’s house, ringing and banging her door. When he sees movement in the house, he starts shouting … when Erin finally comes to the door (hopefully while calling the Police!):

Daniel to himself - Okay. Just act natural. She’s seen me now

(he’s scary…)

[Daniel] “Happy belated Christmas!”

[Erin] “Daniel, what you doing here. You can’t just turn up, you should have called or something”

He says he wanted to surprise her. Then begs to be let in. He has brought her Christmas presents.

[Daniel] “What’s the problem? Look, just give me 5 minutes”

I would have slammed the door in his face (harsh, but might have made the point, finally). But Erin lets him in.

Erin crashes Daniel’s world

[Daniel] “At least open the presents .. I’ve gone to all this effort”

[Erin] “Well you shouldn’t have. Just stop pushing me. I said in my text I couldn’t see you”

[Daniel] “Have I done something wrong? Cause if I have then I can fix it”

[Erin] “It isn’t you … you’re a really sweet guy”

[Daniel] “Sweet? So I never meant that much to you? It was only a game? … is there someone else? … just tell me the truth, please”

[Erin] “Then you’d better go and ask your dad …”

[Daniel] “My dad? What do you mean?”

[Erin] “He made a pass at me Dan. Why do you think I’ve been staying away? How could I keep seeing you after he … “

[Daniel] “Erin, tell me, what did he do?”

[Erin] “When we went to the Clinical Club together, outside at the pub,. He tried to kiss me … and at the Christmas concert he got me in a room with him during the interval …”

[Daniel] “No, he wouldn’t”

[Erin] “I’m not lying to you, you can see his texts … at first I thought he was just being nice because of the vets stuff, but then …”

Daniel – reading a text from Alistair to Erin - Hi Erin, just wanted to say how *fantastic you were. Wish I could take you *everywhere with me. Al (Daniel’s emphasis)

[Erin] “I’m sorry Dan, but what could I do? Your dad, he just wouldn’t leave me alone”

Amy crashes into Clive

[Amy to Clive] “You probably spent it in the gutter that’s where you belong … just leave me alone, or next time, I’ll call the Police”

As Amy starts to drive away, Clive is hammering on her car. She has to turn the car round to get out, which means having to go by Clive again (who is still shouting at her).

Then there’s a big thump.

A – to herself - Oh no no no no no no no. I didn’t … he just stepped out

[Amy] “Clive. Clive! We’re gonna need some help!”

Flipping ‘eck.

Amy Franks has gone and run over Clive Horrobin!

As she’s trying to get him to lie still, Clive is saying his chest hurts. And that he needs to get back because of his curfew. Amy put her jacket over him to keep him warm as she swears about help not coming fast enough (as she says to herself - at a hospital for god’s sake!)

[Clive] “Are they going to take me away? Cause of the video Crawford took?”

[Amy] “Matt?”

[Clive] “It wasn’t my fault, honest. He told me to lift the scrap … I only wanted to see me mum”

[Amy, sounding increasingly worried] “Can you tell me where you are?”

[Clive] “No. He picked me up his car . Always the same. Matt, George, dad, I were always to blame, even when I weren’t …”

[Amy] “Clive, don’t go to sleep!”

And she asks him to keep talking.

[Clive] “My dad. He was a git. Took his belt to me for messing with his shed. And the teachers. Horrible Horrobin. That’s all I’ve ever always been. The playground. The other kids. I couldn’t help it. Dad said, just stand up to them. Hit them harder. They all stayed away from me after that … don’t let them lock me up again”

[Amy] “It’s okay. They’re here to look after you”

So help has arrived.


Course, we’re left wondering if Clive will survive. Will Amy get into trouble for running him over (though it was an accident – but will her previous behaviour towards him make folks think it was deliberate?)?

BUT – anyone else actually feel sorry for Clive? Did anything he said explain (though not excuse)?

Daniel opts out from Alistair

Alistair is home alone. He’s been on the phone to Shula, and is now thinking about trying to book accommodation for their Olympics trip.

Daniel walks in, and Alistair asks him whether he wants to make a proper holiday out of their trip.

[Daniel] “As if I’d go anywhere with you … you BASTARD! How could you? You make me sick. Don’t pretend you don’t know. What was it, some kind of midlife crises? You just couldn’t keep your hands off her … she was my girlfriend, my first proper girlfriend, and you …”

[Alistair] “What? What’s Erin told you?”

[Daniel] “It’s disgusting”

[Alistair] “Because I can promise you, whatever it is, it’s not true”

[Daniel] “You kissed her … and you forced yourself on her in a classroom at school”

[Alistair] “That’s a lie!”

[Daniel] “You’re the liar!”

[Alistair] “She’s the one that kissed me. She had a crush and though I felt the same”

[Daniel] “So what about the texts. Did she make those up?”

Alistair tries to explain that his texts are not the way they sound. That the whole’ fantastic” bit was him talking about how she charmed Mr Purves. That it was Erin who had insisted on staying late (etc).

But Daniel throws back to Alistair that he had talked him out of seeing Erin.

[Daniel] “You just wanted her for yourself”

[Alistair] “Now that’s ridiculous … I was trying to protect you… I knew what she was like “

[Daniel] “You just didn’t want me to find out your dirty little secret … You make my skin crawl … you better start packing your bags”

[Alistair] “There’s no way in this world I’d do something like that to you or your mum. Maybe I could have been more astute. But you’re right. I didn’t think a young girl like that would be interested in an old fart like me … and then she asked to spend more and more time with me, and telling me stuff … personal stuff … look, I know I should have nipped it in the bud but honestly I didn’t want you to get hurt … As soon as she did I told her that it was wrong, that nothing could happen between us”

[Daniel] “So all the time she was seeing me, it was an excuse to be with you?”

[Alistair] “I don’t know. I can’t explain what was going on in her head, all I can tell you is that I did nothing wrong to encourage her”

[Daniel] “Except for the texts”

[Alistair] “Oh for god’s sake. Have you any idea how serious this is for me? To have a 17 year old girl accuse me of kissing her or molesting her or god knows what else, because that’s what she was doing at the concert. That’s why I told your mum, you have to believe me”

[Daniel] “Well I don’t. You did see how upset she was, I had to force it out of her”

[Alistair] “I’m only telling the truth. She’s a fantasist. She’s not the girl you think she is”

[Daniel] “No. Don’t you dare. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I felt about Erin. She really liked me, even though I’m not like all the other lads .. .and now you’ve ruined everything. You might have managed to fool mum bit it won’t work on me”

[Alistair] “I’m not trying to fool anyone. Daniel please, I’m your father.”

[Daniel] “No you’re not,. And you never will be”


Shula does already know – Daniel’s mention of Alistair having to pack his bags was him threatening to tell his mum and get Alistair kicked out – but who will she side with?

She believes Alistair, but is angry that he kept his secret.

And now she had a devastated son.


I reckon Alistair does have to take a lot of the blame. He shouldn’t have been playing with kids …

Boxing Day Meet & continued Implosion at Bridge Farm 26/12/11

The Archers Monday 26th December 2011
  • Freddie’s first Boxing Day Meet
  • A “Sassenach feast”
  • The Bridge Farm bust up
  • Elizabeth and David were in the same room
  • Alistair got tickets to the Olympics
  • Bridge Farm bust up round 2
  • Helen’s for turning

Freddie’s first Boxing Day Meet

Shula’s taking Freddie to the meet, though his thoughts obviously keep drifting onto his dad:

[Freddie] “We had a really good Christmas last year … I wish we could be riding together today”

Freddie said it in quite a happy (ish), fond way. Shula said it was good to have good memories.

Elizabeth and Lily are watching the start of the meet. Elizabeth again can’t believe how much Freddie looks like Nigel when he’s kitted out in his riding gear. Lily is slightly concerned that Freddie will get hurt.

[Elizabeth] “You don’t have to worry. Freddie’s a very good rider”

[Lily] “But he’s such an idiot!”

I learned today that one should call the riders’ coats pink, not red (!). Lily thinks they all look very smart, and that the hounds are “cut”.

[Lily] “I still don’t like the idea of them killing the fox, though”

[Elizabeth] “They’re not allowed to anymore, that’s what he was explaining, they’re just following a scent … you take after grandma, she’s never approved of hunting either”

[Lily] “I don’t understand why daddy did, he loved animals”

[Elizabeth] “It was the riding he liked really, between you and me, he used to be quite glad when the fox got away, but don’t tell Oliver”

A “Sassenach feast”

Pardon me? What is Helen on about?

[Helen to Tom] “I thought Jazzer didn’t mind doing the Christmas shift since he considers it such a Sassenach feast”

[Tom] “Well, that’s what he says but it never seems to stop him celebrating it”

Pardon moi? Since when did any Scot consider Christmas an English thing? I think you’ll find that Christianity first came to the Isles at Whithorn in Dumfries and Galloway, and Iona.

That aside, Jazzer is also dodging feeding Tom’s pigs as he reckons he has to put the finishing touches to his Christmas around the World song. We still don’t know what it is …

The Bridge Farm bust up

Seems there was a huge row at Bridge Farm after they turned off the secret microphones. The kids aren’t speaking to the parents. Seems Helen left Bridge Farm with Tom and Brenda yesterday.

[Helen] “I can’t trust myself around mum and dad at the moment”

[Tom] “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust them again … I don’t know how they have the nerve to even mention that Rich in the same breath as our Henry”

Helen and Tom feel betrayed. That Pat and Tony went behind their backs by contacting Sharon, and also meeting Rich. That they don’t care and they certainly don’t “get it”.

[Helen] “They seemed surprised we were upset”

[Tom] “Unbelievable … what they did, what they’re doing, it has so many implications for you and me and Henry … yet they’re acting as though this is a private matter between them and this Rich … don’t we count anymore? Are we suddenly outside our own family?”

[Helen] “It was awful yesterday, us shouting to mum and dad though a soundproof window and they couldn’t hear me”

[Tom] “They’ve temporarily gone mad. We’ve got to make them see sense, Helen”

The added worry is that Pat and Tony will now do something even crazier … though what, they didn’t say.

Kidnap Rich?

Elizabeth and David were in the same room

Elizabeth and the twins “didn’t have a too bad” Christmas day. They were with Shula, Alistair and Daniel at the Stables during the day, and did go to Kenton’s party at The Bull during the evening.

[Elizabeth] “They made it easy for us. David and I were able to steer clear of each other without spoiling anything”

That’s progress, I reckon.

Alistair got tickets to the Olympics

For Shula and Daniel and himself.

They didn’t say what event they’re going to see, but Elizabeth was amazed that he got something in the rather high pressured lottery, and that Alistair didn’t tell them he was successful.

[Elizabeth] “He must be good at keeping secrets”


Bridge Farm bust up round 2

Tom and Helen Vs. Tony.

[Tony] “Your feelings? I don’t know how you can be so selfish … and what about your mother, have you stopped for one moment to consider what all of this is doing to her?”

[Helen] “Of course we’re thinking about mum”

[Tom] “She doesn’t seem to be thinking much about us …”

[Tony] “Oh grow up Tom! The world doesn’t revolve around you … neither of you have made the slightest effort to see things from her point of view”

Seems Pat is still in her room, sobbing.

[Tom] “For Rich. For this previous grandson that she’s only seen for 10 while minutes”

[Tony] “No … for John … he left something behind, when we thought we’d lost everything about him forever … but you’re here, both of you here, Henry here, and John never will be”

And now Rich has also gone from their lives.

Helen’s for turning

As Tom and Helen talk things through:

[Tom] “It was always going to end in tears”

[Helen] “Once they realised John had a son, they were bound to want to find out more”

[Tom] “Technically, maybe it’s true. But it doesn’t mean anything”

[Helen] “Well, that’s a bit hard”

[Tom] “I’m being realistic Helen, you of all people should understand that … let me ask you a question, do you ever think about Henry’s father?”

[Helen] “No. No I don’t. I’ve kind of forgotten he had one”

[Tom] “We all have. He’s ours now, the next Archer”

[Helen] “I see what you mean. You think that’s how Sharon and her husband feel about Rich?”

[Tom] “Of course they do, he belongs to them like Henry belongs to us”

Tom thinks Pat is deluding herself.

[Tom] “Rich existing isn’t going to bring John back”

[Helen on Tony] “What he said shocked me”

[Tom] “Emotional blackmail, more like”

[Helen] “No. It’s more complicated than that. I need to think this through”

Ah – Helen looks to be switching sides …

Christmas Day 25/12/11

The Archers Sunday 25th December 2011

  • Tracey starts well
  • Bridge Farm also starts well
  • The Carters’ Christmas morning party
  • Debbie on Panto duty
  • Bridge Farm implodes

Tracey starts well

She, Brad and Chelsea have setup the Carters’ Christmas morning party while Susan and Neil were at church.

All very impressive.

Though Susan complains that they’ve set out too many crisps and peanuts, which doesn’t set the right tone.

[Susan] “What will the Aldridges think?”

Neil and Susan then seem to try and get rid of Tracey and her brood for a bit, by suggesting that they go out for a walk.

[Tracey] “A walk, on Christmas day? And miss all the fun?”

There’s a glint of mischief in Tracey’s eye …

She starts talking about the Aldridge’s and ‘Roodey’ (Ruairi). Tracey was wondering if they’d leave him with his nanny, to be told that he doesn’t have one – he’s at Boarding school.

[Tracey] “Poor mite … still I suppose it’s understandable in the circumstances …. being Brian’s love child”

Susan is horrified. She makes Tracey promise that she won’t say anything like that to Jennifer or Brian.

Bridge Farm also starts well

Henry’s first Christmas, and his favourite present (at the moment) is a train set.

Tony and Helen are also having a moment:

[Tony] “We never forget how lucky we are he’s here. Both of you are … bit different from last year, you and I barely speaking to each other”

[Helen] “Seems so silly now”

[Tony] “Well it did the moment I saw Henry, when I thought I might lose both of you”

They agree they’re both lucky, especially when they think of Elizabeth and the twins.

While they’ll be celebrating Henry’s first birthday next Monday, the other half of the Archer clan will be mourning their loss of Nigel.

Anyway – back to Christmas. Brenda, Tom, Mike, Vicky, and Kathy will be coming over to Bridge Farm later.

The Carters’ Christmas morning party

All seems to be jolly enough, but Susan is worried that Tracey had been talking to Jennifer and Brian for a long time,

[Neil] “They look quite hypnotised”

[Susan] “That’s what worrying me … I think we should go and break it up”

[Neil] “What, both of us?”

[Susan] “Well it might take two”

While they steel themselves, we eavesdrop in on Tracey’s conversation with the Aldridges.

[Tracey] “Well you know what it’s like, don’t you, well you being married 3 times, talk about a glutton for punishment!”

[Jennifer] “It’s twice, actually”

[Tracey] “Oh, yes sorry, I get confused with you having four children”

[Brian] “Five”

[Tracey] “Oh yes, counting Ruairi”

[Jennifer] “Which we do”

[Tracey] “Oh, I think that’s great, what with you not being his birth mother …”

[Brian] “Ruairi couldn’t wish for a better mother”

[Jennifer] “Oh thank you darling … I do completely think of him as my own”

[Tracey] “Pretty wonderful wife too, you’re a lucky man”

Susan would be appalled – Tracey was warned not to talk about Ruairi not being Jennifer’s by birth.

They’re all then distracted by the sight of Ruairi eating all of the canapés.

[Tracey] “Greedy?”

[Jennifer] “Sophisticated taste!”

Tracey tells Jennifer and Brian that Ruairi's only eating the canapés because Susan hid the crisps and nuts as Susan reckoned it lowered the tone … Jennifer tittered at that (Susan will be furious!). Susan then makes her interruption with Neil, he offering top ups and she apologising for the lack of canapés (Emma is on the way with more).

[Tracey] “It just shows you, people will eat anything at Christmas!”


[Tracey] “I expect he’s eating them cause he’s bored, nothing much for the children to do is there?”

Susan takes her new opportunity to get rid of Tracey, and tells her to take all of the kids upstairs to watch a DVD.

Later on, Tracey returns to say that Ruairi has been sick. Jennifer rushes off to him.

[Tracey] “It’s her son. Let her find the disinfect and the rubber gloves herself”

Tracey blames the canapés (she reckons kids shouldn’t eat them), but Susan blames the chocolate that Tracey had given him. On top of the canapés.

Debbie on Panto duty

Jennifer’s now worried about taking Ruairi and the twins, with Elizabeth, to the Panto on Monday.

I suppose she doesn’t want to have to cope with any ‘scenes’, with it being the anniversary of Nigel’s death.

So Brian suggests Debbie takes Ruairi in her place.

Sure Debbie will thank him for that (and also think twice about coming home again)

Bridge Farm implodes

Once Tom and Brenda arrive, and are talking to Helen:

[Brenda] “Tom’s determined you’re going to have a great Christmas, despite the elephant in the room”

[Tom] “That elephant’s long packed its trunk and has left our circus!”

BUT Helen now quite likes to think of John having a son.

[Helen] “A little bit of him carrying on”

Tom does not concur.

[Tom] “Dad’s right, we should be thinking about the little bit of you that’s carrying on “

Later on, as Henry is zipping about the room in his new walker (the wee toots is already trying to make it out of the door!), the while family is talking about how special Henry is. That he sat up, got his first tooth and also rolled over early. (Doesn’t every baby?)

[Helen] “Just think mum, this time last year you didn’t even have a grandson!”

To which Pat starts sobbing and runs off, much to Helen’s bemusement.

[Tom] “But she wasn’t thinking of Henry, was she dad. She was thinking of Rich!”

Tony sends Brenda off after Pat (he still doesn’t see her as being family enough to join in family discussions). Tom reckons he had smelled out that something had happened …

[Tony] “You mother and I … have seen him. Have seen Rich”

But that’s when the secret microphones are turned off. So we don’t get to hear the full implosion …

Helen breaks tradition! 23/12/11

The Archers Friday 23rd December 2011
  • The dairy is scrubbed for Christmas
  • Pat and Kathy do Felpersham
  • Five go mad in the country
  • David still on about Badgers
  • A change at Bridge Farm
  • Jamie is still with Natalie
  • Pat’s even okay with turning 60

The dairy is scrubbed for Christmas

At Bridge Farm, which means work in it is done and dusted until Tuesday.

Wonder if Pat will relax a wee bit?

Or is there enough beg orders to keep them all busy?

Pat and Kathy do Felpersham

Tony’s arranged for Pat to go into town with Kathy, to shop and see one of Kathy’s pal sing carols.

Five go mad in the country

(nearly, if it hadn’t been for the Police)

Helen’s wearing sunglasses in December

And she admits that it’s purely due to a hangover from the hen night.

[Helen] “Yeah it was great, if a touch bizarre”

On telling Kathy why the Police brought them home:

[Helen] “What they didn’t want was five drunk women loose in the British countryside all night”

On the Stag do, Helen didn’t sound impressed:

[Helen] “Nothing ground-breaking like us girls!”

She and Kathy then decide that limo parties “could be the next big thing”!

[Helen] “Small and intimate gatherings, very good for bonding”


Aren’t they already commonplace?

Maybe just not in Borchestershire.

David still on about Badgers

Now to Tony:

[David] “Seems bizarre to be dreaming up ways of protecting badgers when they’re doing our best to put us out of business”

If he repairs the slurry lagoon, the badgers will likely just damage it again.

What’s worse, David could be in trouble for just carrying out the repair work, as “ it could be seen as interfering with badger set”.

Very frustrating.

But – on a different note – David reckons most folks were optimistic at the NFU dinner. Prices seem to be looking okay.

Though that may be true, the slurry problem could be costly for Brookfield, and they still have managed to get their milk yield up. It looks good for their beef, but not as good for their milk.

[Tony] “I couldn’t imagine Brookfield without a dairy herd. That really would check my faith in the future”

A change at Bridge Farm

Though there have been a number of (unwanted) changes at Bridge Farm over 2010 – the biggest of all come today.

Tony brought in (what sounded like) a very handsome Christmas tree.

Then shock! Helen wanted to decorate it tonight, rather than Christmas eve. As in traditional at Bridge Farm.

Helen wanted Harry to see the tree decorated there and then. Which Tony agreed to:

[Tony] “Of course I don’t mind, Everything has to move on”

And it then sounded like they’d finished it all without Pat and Tom (and Brenda) being there.

Blimey. I’ve said it many times before, but Harry really has changed Helen.

Jamie is still with Natalie

We haven’t heard from Jamie in quite a while, but Kathy was saying to Pat that he is still with Natalie. That he’s behaving. And is even spending boxing day with Natalie’s family (they’re both at Kathy’s for Christmas).

As Kathy said, the comparison to the Jamie of Christmas 2010 is startling.

Pat’s even okay with turning 60

That one, brief meeting with Rich really does seem to have satisfied Pat (for now).

She’s even looking forward to her 60yh.

[Pat] “Seems incredibly old to me, but as Tony says, new decade, fresh start”

Will’s Stag and Nic’s Hen Dos: The Archers Thursday 22nd December 2011:

  • Will’s late for his own do
  • Brenda needs a foreign pig farm
  • “Here’s to the condemned party!”
  • Tom makes use of a magazine rack
  • Elona's hubby selling knock offs?
  • Daniel Craig
  • A bit of tonic with your vodka
  • Ritual humiliation for Will
  • Helen is drunk
  • Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car

Will’s late for his own do

As he had a shoot on, which took time to clear up after, but netted him a fair amount of tips (his regulars knew he is getting married, so were generous).

He’s off to the pub, then a stand-up club, then a curry, then a club.

The girls are taking a limo to a club.

[Will] “It’s the driver I feel sorry for. Hope they’ve given him a set of earplugs”

Brenda needs a foreign pig farm

If she’s to persuade Tom to go somewhere hot with a beach.

“Here’s to the condemned party!”

So raised Helen at the start of Nic’s stag do.

A bit harsh, surely?

Though she sounded it in jest.

Tom makes use of a magazine rack

Says Brenda.

She keeps leaving holiday brochures lying around, but seems he tidies them up to the magazine rack without glancing inside.

Good that he’s a tidy lad, but who on earth has a magazine rack these days?

Elona’s hubby selling knock offs?

Tom spotted Elona’s Darrell in the market, selling t-shirts and mobiles. and stuff. off a stall.

Knocked off or legit?

Back to his stealing ways already?

Daniel Craig

Is what Kirsty reckons the hen night’s limo driver looks like.

[Helen] “Don’t distract him”

[Nic] “I’d have to see him in his swimming trunks to know if it’s Daniel Craig”

Seems Daniel drives a “nice and cosy and well stocked car”. Which keeps the hens happy.

A bit of tonic with your vodka

Kirsty had to be persuaded to do so …

But then a big thump is hear, losing nearly half the gin …

Ritual humiliation for Will

Sounds like the boys told the comic (at the comedy club) about Will being a gamekeeper.

The resulting jokes sounded quite blue …

The stags reckoned the comic explained why Will spends so time in the woods … though Will assures it was nothing to do with fairies, or teddy bears or picnics …

[Will] “People going home from here won’t have the first idea what we do for wildlife management”

[Tom] “Maybe so, but they are mighty impressed by what you do with badgers!”

Helen is drunk

It’s been a fair while since we’ve heard Helen merry on sherry. And she is actually merry this time!

The big thump we heard earlier was the limo running over some rocks, which have damaged its underside. So the girls are stuck in a country lane. But in comfort, with a stocked bar.

Helen goes out to see if she can get a mobile signal. No luck, but:

[Helen] “it’s strangely beautiful out here … full of stars”

There’s a big ‘hurrah!’ when the hens discover peanuts AND crisps.

And Helen seems delighted while taking a photo of Daniel Craig’s legs to put on the village website.

(he’s under the limo trying to fix it).

[Nic] “If this was the titanic, and we were about to go down, I can’t think of any better mates to share a lifeboat with”

Two hours later … they’re still in the limo, stuck in a country lane.

Daniel Craig had to sit in the front with crisps and lemonade (poor Daniel Craig).

But the hens sound happy enough. Especially Nic.

When it looks like help is coming, she doesn’t want the party to end. She tells them to tell their rescuers that they’re okay, and don’t require any assistance.


[Nic] “Why has the world turned blue?”

Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car

Will and Tom return back to Will’s. Tom is horrified to realise that Will is sober and also still has his own clothes on.

[Tom] “What’s the matter with us? Are we over the hill?”

But Will seems happy enough. He’d earlier thanked his mates for being there for him over the years, and that they were the best mates a bloke could have. He’d had a grand night.

Then the Police turn up at Will’s. They have Nic and Helen.

Seems the limo damaged was “terminal”. When Daniel Craig managed to walk to get a mobile signal, his limo colleagues were none too quick to come out and help. So, a motorist who had passed them had called the Police.

[Helen] “We just got a lift home with a rather tasty uniformed chauffer!”

[Nic] “After our captain Daniel failed to accomlp0ish his mission”

[Helen] “So he choose to go down with the ship!”

When Tom drags Helen off home:

[Nic] “I want to marry you, Will Grundy”

[Will] “It can’t come too soon for me”

Aw. And good luck to them.

Clive is harassed by Amy: Ambridge Extra Thursday 22nd December 2011

  • The Arch Deacon on pot washing
  • Clive’s a piece of scum
  • Alan gives Amy a talking to
  • Should Clive be fed?
  • Daniel is getting a bit scary
  • Praying does work
  • Usha Vs Alan and Amy?
  • What was Clive up to?

The Arch Deacon on pot washing

Alan and Usha are making and serves Christmas dinners to the wanting and needy.

(are there no workhouses or prisons???)

( …just jesting)

Even the Arch Deacon is helping out, and Amy also turns up for a shift, even though she’s working later on. Seems there’s more folks in need than ever before.

Clive’s a piece of scum

So says Amy.

He turns up at the dinner Alan and co have put on. He and Amy spot each other.

[Clive] “You’re that mouthy bird … the one with Alice”

Amy then tries to throw Clive out. She reckons the meals are only for the folks that need them.

[Amy] “Well at least I’m not a piece of scum like you … People like you should be left to starve!”

[Clive] “Crazy mare!”

There then sounds like some sort or tussle between them, which Alan has to pull apart.

[Clive] “Just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean I won’t hit you!”

Amy is dragged off to the kitchen, while Usha takes Clive to be sat down.

Alan gives Amy a talking to

[Alan] “You think Clive’s the only person out there who’s ever done any wrong?”

[Amy] “They haven’t terrorised people. Treated them less than human”

[Alan] “How do you know … we are not here to judge”

[Amy] “I suppose that was what mum was supposed to do? Just turn the other cheek?”

Ah – so this is a mother rather than a Clive issue …

Should Clive be fed?

Amy doesn’t think so

Clive gets fed at the hostel.

Usha sits down to talk with Clive. He doesn’t recognise her at first.

Clive reckons Amy is a “bint and should be chucked out”. Usha tells him Alan is her dad and she’s her step mum.

[Clive] “What is this? The united nations?”

(steady on!)

[Usha] “Excuse me?!? I defended you in court remember? And it’s not as if you haven’t got a short fuse yourself … so let’s just watch what kind of language we’re throwing about”

Clive tells Usha that he thinks he was better off in prison. He has no money, so can’t buy things like food (which he then has to cook himself). He’s hassled to go to the job centre, so is never left in peace. And his family won’t have anything to do with him.

[Clive] “At least I felt like somebody. People didn’t treat me like dirt”

So I suppose Clive is entitled to a meal as a needy person.

Should we spare a thought for him, alone at Christmas time?

Aye bug**y we should!

Deserves everything he gets, I reckon.

Good on Amy!

Daniel is getting a bit scary

I thought Daniel was a bit odd when we heard his inner thoughts during Ambridge Extra – and seems it is the case.

Despite being totally ignored by Erin, he’s bought her a stack of Christmas presents – including earrings and a £40 perfume. Plus a playlist that he’s saved to a memory stick.

(ah – don’t we miss the days of mixed tapes! Mind you, always an embarrassment when the recipient isn’t interested)

But it seems to work.

Erin texts him back. To say that she’s in Bristol for Christmas.

Daniel – to himself - so that’s why she’s not been in touch,. Yeah. Never mind, I’ll just have to wait until after Christmas to give her her presents D

Oh, come on boy! Take the hint. She doesn’t want you – though I bet she’s the type to gladly take away your gifts.

Praying does work

Alan reckons that Clive eating his meal and then simply leaving shows that praying works sometimes.

Each to their own belief.

But I think Usha having a word with him might have had something more to do with it.

Usha Vs Alan and Amy?

Alan reckons that Amy is a fiery one, and bottles things up.

But he thinks that more to do with him and her having to be a team when Catherine died, rather than anything inherited.

Amy had to support Alan, and felt she didn't want to add to his woes with her troubles.

[Alan] “Perhaps I should remind Amy, I’ve got you to prop me up now”

Usha – to herself - If you could,. Might make a nice change

Blimey. There really is a divide in the Franks’ household that I’d never really noticed.

What was Clive up to?

As Amy’s walking to work, she’s pondering to herself about the way she flew at Clive.

Amy – to herself - Is that how mum felt, like someone had taken over, how else do you stick a knife in a person?

Not surprisingly (was very obvious this would happen from the moment Amy refused a lift with Alan and Usha), she then meets Clive, in what sounds like an alleyway.

He starts shouting at her. Nothing too offensive – just snide, how she wasn’t Christian, and the like.

As Amy increase her walking pace, Clive shouts that he just wants to talk with her.

Amy – to herself - alright. … run!

[Clive] “And a merry Christmas to you!”

Sounds like Clive wasn’t going to attack her – but also sounded like he didn’t really want a quiet chat.

Is he really just that lonely?

Pat’s Party at the Dower House (c/o Lilian):The Archers Wednesday 21st December 2011

  • Christine’s 80th
  • Home Farm workers’ party
  • Party at the Dower House
  • Damn! Tom’s doing well
  • Casper arrives
  • “He hoped when the visitors went home they felt a bit better about the world”
  • Why is a Panto a good idea?

Christine’s 80th

Seems to have gone well.

Peggy, Shula, Christine and Jim all had lunch at Grey Gables.

[Lilian] “Lucky Jim, lunching with such a bevy of beauties”

I thought it was very uncouth of Lilian to then ask Jill:

[Lilian] “And who’s paying?”

Peter, Christine’s son, as a matter of fact. But why did Lilian want to know?

Odd, and a bit rude.

Anyhoo – they had a great lunch – and Peter called to wish Christine best wishes, and to tell her that he’ll take to a London show when he’s back in the UK.

What’s more – Jim also treated them all to champagne.

[Jill] “So as you can imagine we were all a bit jolly!”

Good good. Christine deserves it after all the Clive Horrobin related stress.

Home Farm workers’ party

[Lilian] “Do you remember when a party for the farm staff meant dozens of people … now they have to get in rent a crowd like me and Matt”

Party at the Dower House

Lilian’s telling Jill of her plans to hold Pat’s 60th at the Dower House (before she’s talked to Pat).

[Jill] “We need some cheering up at that time of year”

When Lilian is later sounding out Pat about what she thinks to the plans, Pat agrees that it all sounds fine.

Up to 60 people, and a “fork supper”.

[Lilian] “Your birthday comes at that rather dismal time of year, if you don’t me saying so … Christmas and new year long time but the winter still got ages to go, the long dark nights and all that … a good party in January, do us all the world of good”

Hmm. Wouldn’t have put it that way myself, but Pat and Tony agree that it’s all a good idea.

When pat has top leave the room, Lilian asks Tony is this is what Pat wants. She seems to have detected a slight undercurrent. But Tony says it’s fine – it is what Pat wants.

Well, Lilian isn’t to know that what Pat wants is her son’s son.

Damn! Tom’s doing well

I can’t help but only wish ill for Tom. But seems my wishes aren’t being granted – he’s up 7% like for like.

[Pat] “Not too sure how we managed it Tony, but all our offspring have seemed to have turned into pretty good entrepreneurs, starting with John”

Seems John sold football cards when he was wee, at school.

Pat and Tony out themselves down. It’s their example of hard work and independence that has influenced their kids.

And Pat seems to be ever calmer after seeing Rich.

[Pat] “I’ve got to stop it. Be grateful for what we do have”

[Tony] “It’s Christmas Pat, let’s make it good for everyone … especially Henry”

Yup. One grandson may not be good as two (!), but it’s better than none.

Casper arrives

Freddie’s been getting his stable ready all day. He’s got new straw laid down, and a bag of carrots

[Elizabeth] “How about a box of chocolates?”

[Freddie] “Don’t be silly mum … if I look out for him, he’ll look out for me when we’re out hunting”

It is nice to hear Freddie genuinely excited and happy about something.

When Casper arrives:

[Shula] “This is when the hard work begins!”

All those early mornings working with Casper before school:

[Freddie] “Won’t bother me. I’m looking forward to it”

I believe him. Freddie will be good at this.

Though Shula tells him he has put too much straw down. Casper wouldn’t be able to get up, and it’s expensive stuff. But he’ll learn.

[Freddie, sounding like he’s giving Casper a carrot] “Here you are Casper, and mind my fingers please”

One boy and his horse …

[Freddie] “It’s brilliant, isn’t it mum. I just wish dad was here …”

[Shula] “Of course you do, We all do, darling”

“He hoped when the visitors went home they felt a bit better about the world”

Elizabeth’s talking about Deck the Halls – specifically the lights on the island – which almost made her cry the first time she saw them.

Why is a Panto a good idea?

Jill was telling Elizabeth that Jennifer is taking Ruairi to a Panto on the 2nd of January.

Cinderella, In Felpersham. With “some comic from the telly”

Jill was wondering whether the twins would also like to go. A full family outing, as a treat from Jill.

Elizabeth gets quite weepy and says it would be wonderful.

Am I missing something?

The first anniversary of their dad’s death. How will going to a Panto help?

I understand that it’ll be a distraction and a laugh – but enough, considering?

Jazzer’s ditty is too risqué: The Archers Tuesday 20th December 2011

  • Tracey’s coming good
  • Bah humbug Mr Carter!
  • Jazzer’s Christmas ditty
  • Not a happy day for the Grundy turkeys
  • The Buttons’ music is very “evocative”
  • Why so confident about Virgil?
  • Not a happy day for the Grundy turkeys
  • Christmas without Ivy

Tracey’s coming good

[Susan] “Tracey’s going to get a list of jobs. And she’ll have to do them. It’s a three line whip”

Tough talk from Clarrie, but it does also seem that Tracey’s has been being more helpful. She’s been helping their dad and Gary to get a bit more sorted.

Which is taking a lot of strain off of Susan.

But, Susan think it’s time yet to mention Tracey moving in with their dad and Gary. Though Neil is obviously very keen to see her gone.

Bah humbug Mr Carter!

[Jazzer] “I like the wee Santa on your back windae … (to which Neil groans at) … you’re an auld scrooge, Neil Carter!”

Jazzer’s Christmas ditty

To be sung as part of Christmas around the World.

[Jazzer] “It’s a morality song, in a manner o speaking”

He’s practising in front of Lynda and Vicky, on the recently staged stage.

[Jazzer] “Awesome stage set ladies. I’ll definitely wear my kilt!”

Seems Patrick Hennessey will be doing the piano again. Don’t think we’ve heard from him since the Panto last year.

And they’re also filming all of the rehearsals.

[Jazzer] “You’re no gonnae put it on the web?”

Seems not. It’s just for Lynda and Vicky to watch back to give detailed feedback.

[Jazzer] “I’m used to feedback, though it’s never useful, and they don’t usually wait til I’ve finished”

Jazzer starts singing, but gets a choked throat.

[Jazzer] “Sorry ladies, I need some water”

[Lynda] “What you need is fewer cigarettes …”

When Jazzer does get started, this is what he sings (in his surprisingly fine voice):

[Jazzer] “I woke up with an aching head, as usual 
I can’t remember going to bed, as usual
Oh my stomach is feeling awfully queer
(Vicky and Lynda – “oh dear”)
I’ve got a thunder storm in my left ear
(more audible grumbling from Lynda and Vicky)
It must have been that shires beer, as usual”

[Lynda] “I’m sorry Jazzer, there’s no way you can perform that one … it’s quite inappropriate, that’s why not. What do you think Vicky?”

Vicky concurs.

[Jazzer] “What’s wrang wae it?”

[Vicky] “I’m not saying it’s not funny in its way, it’s just not right for our show”

[Lynda] “Exactly, we are a family show, a celebration of life”

[Jazzer] “So’s ma song, the guy’s woke up and he’s glad to be alive”

[Vicky] “He’s lucky to be alive, the amount he’s been drinking!”
[Jazzer] “There you are then, a celebration!”

[Vicky] “What we want is a nice cheerful number, something Christmassy”

[Jazzer] “Well there’s home and horizontal, that’s popular where I came fae … I’m sorry to disappoint you ladies but in my family we’re not all that interested in the White heather Club”

[Lynda, spitting with anger] “Oh Pity!”

[Jazzer] “So if you think I’m gonnae stan there signing Donald Whur’s your Troosers, you’ve got another think coming!”

Brick wall then.

Surely Jazzer could do the usual Auld Lang Syne? Would be good to hear it with the ‘Auld’ rather than the ‘Old’ …

(sorry to be pedantic, but that it’s annoying that folks choose what to and what to not translate. Leave it be and as it should be!)

The Buttons’ music is very “evocative”

Still not sure the coconut dance is suitable for two wee girls to be doing …

Why so confident about Virgil?

Seems Jim isn’t having to rehearse his reading from Virgil.

Lynda is just that confident that he’ll be fine.

What’s she up to? Not like Lynda to let anyone else have control …

Not a happy day for the Grundy turkeys

They’re being killed and plucked ready for Christmas day.

Sounds like Ed was the killer, with Clarrie plucking and preparing in their kitchen. Susan drops round for a cup of tea:

[Clarrie] “It’s nice to have some company, As long as you’ve got a strong stomach!”

Clarrie and Susan have a natter about Christmas, and also that a New Year will follow shortly (as per!).

Neither will be un happy to send to end of 2011. Clarrie lost her job, and reckons she’ll never get another.

[Clarrie] “Anyway, couldn’t have got off to a worse start could it with what happened to poor Nigel Pargetter”

(I suppose we can expect a lot more Nigel memories heading into the start of 2012)

And of course, Susan lost her mum. She’s especially feeling it now. She has memories of Ivy in her pinny slaving away. Clarrie agrees that Ivy was a grafter.

[Susan, sadly) “And she got little enough back for it in her lifetime”

Susan reckons it’s now down to Tracey and herself to fill the gap that Ivy has left. Which is a lot, considering Gary and their dad (and the rest of the clan) are useless.

[Susan] “It keeps me busy. Otherwise I’d just sit down and cry”

But it’s not all been a bad year for Susan and Clarrie. Little Keira was born.

Christmas without Ivy

Susan and Tracey had been round at her dad and Gary’s putting up Christmas decorations.

[Susan] “By the time we’d left, even dad had noticed!”

She’d also been opening the Christmas cards (as Bert doesn’t seem to bother)

There was one from a Ken and Mavis Buller, who neither Susan nor Neil seem to know. They out it to Ivy and Bert, and hope to see them soon. So, Susan will have to break the news to them. Whoever they are.

It reminds Susan even more that her mum is missed.

[Susan] “Oh when I think back to Christmases when I was little there was always a lot of shouting and scraping, that’s what my lot were like, and in the middle of it, there was my mum, trying to keep everyone happy making it all work”

[Neil] “She was lovely”

[Susan] “Didn’t matter how bad things were, if dad was out of work again, she always saw to it that Clive got his electric cars and I got my Bay City Rollers stuff, I dunno how she managed it, but she did”

[Neil] “Salt of the earth, your mum”

[Susan] “She was Neil. That’s why we have to ensure that everyone has a good time. Think we can”

[Neil] “I’m sure we can. We’ll do it for your mum”

Even I’ll excuse Susan if she’s a tad overzealous this Christmas time.

She misses her mum.

Shula believes Alistair: Ambridge Extra Tuesday 20th December 2011

  • Shula’s mood lifts
  • Amy reads her mum’s letters
  • Amy doesn’t accept Usha?
  • Daniel’s playing with Jamie again
  • Shula is a girl

Shula’s mood lifts

Shula still seems to be in a grump with Alistair, after he told her about Erin making advances. Shula’s angry that he kept it secret from her for a while.

Alistair – to himself - Fore heaven’s sake Shula – how many times – what does she want from me – is she going to keep this up forever – A

[Alistair] “Wait. Please. We can’t go on like this … you were the one who kept pushing for Erin to shadow me …”

[Shula] “So this is my fault? I also forced Erin to kiss you?”

Alistair tries to reason that he couldn’t tell Erin never to “darken their door”. Apart from anything else, she was Daniel’s girlfriend (kind of). Shula agrees with that.

Alistair also claims that he couldn’t tell her what was happening as he was embarrassed.

[Alistair] “I’m not denying she’s attractive, but she’s still a child. I didn’t want to humiliate her … she’s messed up … I tried to deal with it in a way that would cause the least amount of pain for everyone, you have to see that”

But they have to leave it there, as Daniel comes in. Shula is very keen that Daniel has no inkling of what’s going on.

When Alistair and Shula are alone again later on:

[Alistair] “You can’t honestly think I’d mess around with Erin behind your back. Well do you?”

[Shula] “No”

[Alistair] “So you believe me then?”

[Shula] “It’s not as simple as that. Of course I believe you. It still doesn’t change what she did though … dreading the next time she comes over … should I pretend that she didn’t make a pass at you, that she hasn’t been lying to Daniel and what if she does say something to him?”

[Alistair. Slightly smugly) “So you can see now what I’ve been dealing with!?”

So, should they also tell Daniel that his girlfriend has been coming on to his dad? Be better to hear it from them?

But, on the other hand, it’d knock Daniel’s already fragile confidence. And Daniel reckons it’s cooled off between them anyway – or, at least Erin seems to have cooled.

[Alistair] “She hasn’t said anything so far. We’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed that it stays that way”


I still think Erin is a bunny boiler. And bunny boilers don’t give up that easily.

Amy reads her mum’s letters

Taking Usha’s advice, Alan shows Amy her mum’s letter (from when she was in Falconwood, a secure detention centre). Mabel (and I) think that she should have been left in ignorance.

But, Alan reckons Amy needs to know now so that they can talk it through. He doesn’t want her going through the same pain and confusion he had to.

But Amy is still obviously confused. More so about why her mum never told anyone the reason why she’s stabbed that other girl.

[Alan] “Mum was probably ashamed. She’d have been appalled by what she’d done”

As Amy is later out in her car:

Amy – to herself - How could they? She was 14. She was only a girl. And all that time, it was because of some bigot. Some snivelling coward who’s probably still around, still spreading her hate. The poor innocent victim who got stabbed by the black girl. I hope the knife damn well hurt

Amy’s so wound up that she nearly chases after a “wagon” (a large tuck, I’d assume, rather than a coach and horses …)

Amy – to herself - What am I doing? Pull over, I don’t even know what I’d do if I caught him. Oh mum. What happened? Why couldn’t you tell anyone? I am so sorry.

Wonder if Amy is going to hunt down the girl that was stabbed to get a final kick in the ribs for her mum …

Amy doesn’t accept Usha?


When Alan showed Amy her mum’s letters, and that he and Usha has to do some digging to find out the full story behind them, Amy responded:

[Amy] “You let Usha read these?”

How odd.

Is Amy still protective of her mum over Usha? From recent mutterings, Usha certainly seems to feel that Catherine is an unwelcome presence.

Daniel’s playing with Jamie again

Well, I don’t suppose it is ‘playing’ at their age. More hanging out.

Either way, he’s at Jamie’s today doing computer games.

Looks like they’ve made up.

Shula is a girl

Daniel has called, texted and posted message on Erin’s Facebook wall. But nothing.

As Shula comes into his room to find any neglected crockery, she asks him about Erin.

(eh? Shouldn’t she be avoiding that subject completely?)

[Daniel] “Mum, I think Erin’s gone off me … you’re a girl, what do you think I should do?”

[Shula] “I think you need to decide whether you want to be involved with someone who treats you that way … she’s sending you come pretty clear signals … Honesty love, I really don’t think Erin’s worth all this heartache”

Shula – to herself - He wants to know why, bless him. He thinks it’s all his fault

This is going to be a major explosion when it comes out … especially as Daniel doesn’t seem to be listening to reason.

Daniel – to himself - I love her, and I’d do anything. Make it a Christmas she won’t forget

David Vs The Badgers: The Archers Monday 19th December 2011

  • Will the badgers lay off of David?
  • Thank goodness for Tom’s burgers
  • Tony and Pat finally accept Sharon’s love for John?
  • Dairy farming isn’t an exact science
  • David still needs to get out more
  • Bridge Farm’s new branding approved
  • Elona’s husband has moved in

Will the badgers lay off of David?

Brookfield is having to keep tinkering out the slurry, cross fingers that there won’t be any flash floods (which would spread their slurry into waterways) AND pray that the badgers don’t actually keep on at the lagoon to make things even worse.

Naughty badgers.

Still, might just be revenge (served very cold, and smelly, indeed).

David was also talking to Tom about what his and Tony’s take would be on the badger vaccination that Oliver is so keen on. Tom and Tony would be interested and supportive, so there’s enough folks saying ‘yes’ to call a NFU meeting in the New Year.

[David] “Why am I expending all this energy on an animal that’s doing its best to ruin our business, I don’t know”

[Tom] “It’s because you’re all heart, David”

Thank goodness for Tom’s burgers

Seems Ruth and David’s kids will be very relieved that Tom has dropped off a batch of his burgers.

After so many days of supermarket pizza, it’ll be good for them to get some variation in their diet.

Tony and Pat finally accept Sharon’s love for John?

[Pat] “I can’t forget his smile Tony … it was John … so much about him was John, I think I’ll buy him a little present …”

[Tony] “We’ve made an agreement”

[Pat] “We’ve seen him Tony, John’s boy. There’s a part of him still out there in the world”

And blow me down – Tony then said that he thinks Sharon must have indeed love John after all, since she named their son after him.

Pat actually sounds quite calm. They’re both glad they met Rich/John. And they both seem to accept that they won’t see him again until he decides.

[Pat] “We can only hope he’ll come find us”

Dairy farming isn’t an exact science

Not according to Tom.

He’s comparing notes with David. Though milk prices have cropped up again, it’s still not among David’s herd yield any more milk.

But – David’s beef herd and sheep doing okay.

[David] “There’s still something to be said for mixed farming, just like my dad used to say”

David still needs to get out more

Tom suggests to David that he come on Will’s stag night.

[Ruth] “There you are David, a curry and a good laugh what more do you want?”

But David would rather have a DVD and an early night.

Bridge Farm’s new branding approved

The new Ambridge Organics brand has met with everyone’s approval. Seems it’s modern, clean lines with strong colours.

And Ambridge Organics, the shop, is up at the moment. Though they reckon some of that is due to folks giving themselves a Christmas treat, it may also suggest that they were right to go with that as the brand (though the ‘organics’ bit will be downplayed).

So Pat and Tony reckon well done Tom and Helen.

(I still think Tom’s an arse for pushing ahead with the Tom Archer’s bran, abandoning Bridge Farm, and the rest of his family …)

Elona’s husband has moved in

Thinks Tom. A bloke has been seen with a van, moving what seems to be his stuff into No.3

So far, Elona does seem to be a good ‘un. No complaints from Tom and Brenda having her and her teenage girls as neighbours. And she saved the day when Peggy twisted her ankle.

Wonder if he husband Darrell will change all that.