Pondering The Archers: open farm sunday

“Oh noooo.”

I love it when Ruth says that. I even have 5 of those “oh noooo” t-shirts!

Anyhoo – the “oh noooo” was uttered by Ruth when she saw the front page headline of The Echo:

Terror on local farm headline

Not amusing at all. Though Josh has found it to be useful. The girls at his school were calling him a hero, because:

[Josh] “ … in this one it looks like I’m the only steward facing the bullocks.”

[David] “And you’re proud of that, are you … makes us look at least inept, and at the very worst completely unprofessional and unsafe … it’s an image of our farm that will stay in everybody’s mind, no matter what it says about vandalism or whatever!”

[Ruth] “For goodness sake David, it’s not Josh’s fault.”

[David] “Well he doesn’t seem that bothered about it …”

The newspaper article has quotes from parents calling Brookfield “incompetent”, and describes how scared, terrified and desperate folks were. Which Ruth reckons all of which is true.

Alice tends to (a more reasonable?) Amy

Again.

She’s got wine and a DVD, while Chris escapes to his mum’s to get his birthday present, then onto nets and The Bull.

From the start, it sounded like Amy was coming back to being ‘normal’ again. She tells Alice of her day at work. Which involved being midwife to a 15 year old, who lives in a care home, birthing partner was a care worker, the father of her child not to be seen, and her own mother not speaking to her.

[Amy] “Kinda puts your own pathetic problems into perspective, doesn’t it?”

Later on:

[Amy] “I’m so ashamed … I’d have stayed with Carl, even though in know he was married with a little girl, if he told me he’d leave them for me. I’m a monster.”

[Alice] “You were in love.”

[Amy] “You know, the sad thing is, I think his marriage really is a sham … the things he said when he talked his wife, it was all about money really … status, I don’t think he once said he loved her … Usha was right about me all along. I said some horrible hateful; things to her. I didn’t event take her a birthday card, can you believe it … I don’t think I can even face her.”

[Alice] “If it were me, I’d get it over with, as soon as I could.”

I concur.

And hurrah to Amy finally realising she’s not been the most rationale, easy or mature people of late.

Josh is scared

Quite right to be so.

[Josh] “Suppose I’ve accidentally filmed something or somebody.”

Josh handed his camera over to the Police, and he’s worried he did unwittingly film something important, which will mean he has to give evidence. Ruth reckons it won’t come to that, but will ask Usha.

[Josh] “When’s it all going to be over mum?”

Moussaka

My goodness, it was refreshing to hear Amy and Alice just chat about stuff, rather than about Amy … Carl … Usha …

Alice has made Moussaka for Amy, which Amy muchly appreciates. Alice muchly appreciates Amy being appreciative.

[Alice] “Sometimes the way Chris eats, I swear he hardly notices what it is let alone what it tastes like. It’s not so much eating as posting it down.”

Neil’s doing star jumps

[Adam] “Someone said they spotted Neil doing a few star jumps and press ups before nets”

Now there’s a picture …

Seems Ambridge lost to Paxley, but has high hopes of beating Loxley Barrett this weekend.

But sounds like Neil’s efforts to impress don’t have much chance of winning.

[Adam] “I don’t know if Ifty can work some sort of magic, at his age.”

Meow!

David needs to tell Adam

As David and Adam are having a pint, Adam mentions that he thinks the bullocks being let loose was only due to vandalism, and that it was probably kids who’d done the damage.

So, he still hasn’t a clue …

David asks Adam about his birthday plans:

[Adam] “Ian’s got plans, apparently they involve a Michelin star … To be honest, I’m doing it for him. It’s lovely, but I know I’m just going to be so tired.”

Adam also mentions that he’s back at work, but not up to full par.

[Adam] “It’s stick to my fingers a bit, if you know what I mean.”

He tells David how much of a “nightmare” it’s been since he was attacked, and how amazing Ian has been in supporting him.

[David] “Well don’t you worry. I’ll be there in court to help nail them.”

What else could David say?

And really, what else can David do but still see this through?

The horror, the humanity – it’s Open Farm Sunday 2012: Sun 17.06.12

The Archers Sunday 17 June 2012

A horrible Open Farm Sunday for Brookfield
It’s also Father’s Day
And it’s also Usha’s birthday
Emma and Neil’s grand day out

A horrible Open Farm Sunday for Brookfield

It all started so well.

David, Ruth, Pip, Josh and Ben were in good spirits, well organised, and it even sounded like it wasn’t raining!

There was to be a speech from David on “plough to plate”, pots for the kids to have cream in, which they could shake to make into butter and then spread on scones:

[Ruth] “If they have a spare three hours!”

Though they will all still aware that extra caution was required after the recent threats from the gang who attacked Adam. The stewards had to be particularly well briefed:

[David] “Make absolutely sure everyone is on message”

Emma was also nervous about leaving George and Ed at Brookfield while she and Keira went had a day out with Neil.

Turns out Emma was quite right to be worried.

Just as David was telling the visitors about the cows being milked, there was a loud bang.

[David] “Whoops, there goes my sister’s father in law in his old banger … sorry, Riley”

(why David didn’t immediately connect the band to the gang is a mystery)

Ed then started frantically shouting for everyone to get into the Orchard.

The bullocks were loose, and storming their way.

There was then screaming, shouting and George being daft enough not to stay put (Ed got to him in time).

No one was hurt. The closest to harm had been:

[David] “A few idiots taking snaps on their mobiles.”

Though:

[David] “One of two of them muttering darkly about lawyers … how the hell did they get out?”

Later on:

[David] “It’s the gang, isn’t it?”

Seems they’d made a gap in the fence, and set off a firework to get the bullocks running.

[Pip, crying] “How can anyone be that cruel … How dare they sabotage our open farm Sunday like this, how dare they! They all could have been hurt!”

So the Police are called again.

(though we did know something bad was going to happen when David previously had said it was going to be an Open Farm Sunday to remember)

It’s also Father’s Day

David got a beer from a microbrewery, and toast for breakfast.

Which Ben then burnt.

(the toast, not the beer)

George was allowed to make two cards at school, so nor arguments between Ed and Will.

And Neil had a day out with Emma.

But Amy didn’t send or give Alan a card.

And it’s also Usha’s birthday

[David] “Just think, half century!”

[Ruth] “Just as long as you don’t phrase it that way to her.”

Again, Amy didn’t show up with or send a card.

Emma and Neil’s grand day out

For Father’s day, Emma took Neil out for lunch, while Susan and Tracey were treating Bert to a Sunday roast. (no mention of Chris, though).

Neil didn’t exactly sound too thrilled at spending the day with Emma. Even though she said that as she’d been given a fair amount of tips at a wedding she’d worked at (one assumes Lower Loxley, “money was no object”.

Might have had something to do with there being a cricket match on that he could have gone to …

Funnily enough, Neil wants to go to Paxley. Emma spots Chris, Tom and Roy passing by in a car:

[Emma] “What are the chances dad?”

Hmmm …

After Emma gave Neil a row for getting texts from Richard Thwaite (who’s on the cricket team), and after they’d had a meal, Emma and Neil took a wee stroll. …

[Neil] “What’s behind the hedge … it’s Paxley cricket ground!”

[Emma] “Oh, you poor thing, why didn’t you say?”

Very surprisingly, but Emma (a) took Neil to watch the rest of the match and (b) genuinely sounded like she would have taken Neil there in the first place if Neil had told her.

Blimey.

Emma does a nice thing for someone else!

Darrell gets a promotion Fri 15.06.12

The Archers Friday 15 June 2012

Positive vibes about Open Farm Sunday
Chris can’t get into his own toilet
Matt appreciates Darrell
Brookfield had chilli and rice

Positive vibes about Open Farm Sunday

David, Ruth and their brood were getting ready for Open Farm Sunday. They decided to go ahead, despite the gang and their sneaky threats.

Actually, David and Ruth sounded quite excited.

They have a grand all time looking at the photos Josh has arranged to be displayed. Rather than use the same ones as last year (as Pip wanted), he’s gone back through all of their photos to get those memory lane types.

[Ruth] “Suddenly I’m beginning to appreciate how many adventures we’ve had here … Brookfield’s magic moments.”

[Pip, still put out the photos weren’t her idea] “According to Josh!”

For the bid day itself:

[Pip] “You never know, the best of Ambridge might turn up.”

[David] “Well that would be competition for Bert”

While they’re all being so positive, David also announces he’s booked them a table at The Bull on Saturday to take a break from all their planning, and celebrate Ruth’s birthday (which actually sounded very much like a second thought!).

[David] “Are you happy?”

[Ruth] “Very. I’m glad we didn’t back out. Feels so good when we all come together.”

[David] “You know, I’ve got an inkling Sunday’s going to be a day to remember.”

Hmmm.

We all know that it’s likely to be remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Chris can’t get into his own toilet

When Amy stormed out of the vicarage, she went to Alice and Chris’.

Chris is not amused. He was already irritated that Amy was always over, and now he hasn’t been able to get into his bathroom for 25 minutes!

[Alice] “Yeah, well it’s different for girls.”

Alice told Amy that she could stay. For a “while”.

[Chris] “How long is a while?”

Later on, Alice missed a wind vibration experiment because she was with Amy. Again.

Alice’s point is that Amy is in a very bad way. Amy isn’t sleeping or eating. As Amy’s friend, Alice has to help. That Amy was (unwittingly) having an affair with a married man is also something obvious very close to Alice’s home (having Brian as a father).

[Alice] “I just want to protect her.”

[Chris] “You can’t though … she’s just got to work through it, move on.”

So – Alice’s plan H is to try and get Amy and Carl to meet up again, so that Amy can see for herself how much of a “loser” Carl is.

Maybe then, Amy can move on.

Here’s hoping (for all our sakes).

Matt appreciates Darrell

It would seem so.

Matt called Darrell into the office. Darrell was worried that Matt was about to sack him. That Matt had just been shouting at someone else on the phone didn’t help matters:

[Matt] “Sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind in business .. .sometimes you just have to be cruel!”

But Darrell needed have worried. Matt had only good news for him – he’s been promoted to site manager.

[Darrell] “Seriously?”

[Matt] “I’m not really in a joking mood today.”

What’s more, Darrell’s position was to be formal and “above board”.

[Matt] “And if you accept, I do hope we can continue to develop a fruitful working relationship. If that doesn’t sound top slushy. So, what you do you say?”

[Darrell] “Erm, I do!”

Matt then wants to take Darrell for another pint, despite there still being work to be done.

What’s going on? Why the nice guy act from Matt? He’s surely up to something.

Brookfield had chilli and rice

Cooked by Ruth.

I really am obsessed about Ruth’s cooking. It is always a shock when you don’t hear the ping of a microwave in the background …

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The Archers Sunday 12th June 2011: Open Farm Sunday 2011

Starts slow
Here’s hoping Spencer is more reliable
I love it when Usha does rural
Those funny deer
Those even funnier sheep
David said “canoodle”
Big doesn’t mean bad
Joint birthday party next week
Toby with red hair wants to chat about sheep

Starts slow

Brian still isn’t convinced that they should have taken on Open Farm Sunday, and he at first seems to be proved right. There are only a few ‘great unwashed’ to be seen.

[Brian] “I shall be really fed-up if we don’t do as well as Brookfield after all the work we’ve put in”

Adam tries to tell Brian that it isn’t a competition …

Here’s hoping Spencer is more reliable

Pip and Spencer are helping out at Home Farm for Open Farm Sunday. As it’s quite, they have time to plan a summer holiday, before Pip goes to Uni (assuming she gets in).

Let’s hope it’s a holiday that Pip manages to get to go on. Remember what happened last time with Jude …

To go on holiday, Pip also needs to earn a few pennies. It would seem that the only place she can get work is Lower Loxley (surely not?). Which means she’ll have to talk to Elizabeth again.

Better her than me, with the mood Elizabeth is in at the moment.

I love it when Usha does rural

Alan’s busy (it is Sunday), so Usha takes herself down to Open Farm Sunday.

I adore Usha for her complete lack of pretence that she knows anything about farming. She’s openly admits her utter ignorance, even though she is rural dwelling.

She reckons the deer calves look like Bambi.

Usha found Open farm Sunday very “thought provoking”. David reckon he enjoyed Brian’s “propaganda”.

And she got to see Bambi.

Those funny deer

While the deer mums are better looked after at Home Farm than Bambi’s mum had been, they’re still not particularly maternal.

Adam tells us that they leave deer to their own devices when they give birth. And, the deer mums leave their new borns behind tree or grass after they’ve had them. The rest of the herd don’t get to meet them for a few weeks.

Those even funnier sheep

[Adam] “(Deer are) far less determined than sheep to get into trouble … they have a death wish. They do find creative ways of getting into trouble. But I reckon they’re more intelligent that they’re given credit for”

David said “canoodle”

And worse still, he said it to Spencer and Pip.

How embarrassing for all concerned.

Big doesn’t mean bad

Or, at least that’s what Adam and Brian want folks to understand about Home Farm.

Adam won’t apologise for using sprays on his crops. He reckons organic farmers use sprays as well, and the ones he uses, he uses sparingly. After all, they cost money.

The main thrust of his and Brian’s argument is that the world needs food, so they need big food producers to produce lots of it.

And they can produce lots of food while “also looking after the bugs”.

[Brian] “Maximising yields doesn’t mean not caring about the environment or wildlife, but you do have to care about people too. And farmers have to make a profit, or we wouldn’t be here too”

Joint birthday party next week

At Brookfield. For Ruth and Usha.

Toby with red hair wants to chat about sheep

But with Adam and Brian busy, David heads off to explain more.

It wasn’t even his Open Farm Sunday, but he was happy to help. Which is more than Kate did. She was too busy researching schools for Phoebe.

The Archers Friday 10th June 2011: Jazzer and The Scottish Play

Adam can park perfectly … with help from mum
The Aldridge’s need to borrow the Snell’s chairs
Upstairs, Downstairs
Jazzer’s in fine form
Live weight gains and finishing
Ian’s worried about Ruairi
Harry’s impressed by Adam’s whites
“Two hours of doom and gloom …”
Jennifer said ‘LOL’
Actually, Brian’s a bit doom and gloom
No. 3 isn’t a good ‘un?
Jennifer doesn’t need to read Mistress of the Paddocks …

Adam can park perfectly … with help from mum

Well, it was a combine.

The Aldridge’s need to borrow the Snell’s chairs!

Did we think we’d ever see such a day?

Open Farm Sunday is really mixing up the hierarchy.

Upstairs, Downstairs

I couldn’t help thinking of Zofia as a Victorian servant when she thanked Adam and Jennifer for taking her and her fellow pickers to see Shakespeare.

It sounds like she was thanking them for getting the scraps after the banquet. Or being allowed to go see the doctor with her severed arm, right during the croquet refreshments.

But, she did then reassert herself by outright refusing Jennifer’s request for her to help out with the strawberries at Open Farm Sunday as it was her day off.

Jazzer’s in fine form

[Jazzer] “The fly in your eyes when you’re whizzing through the skies … see what I did there?”

(no – I didn’t get it either, but it sounded witty)

[Jazzer] “Shakespeare? Do me a favour. If the good lord had intended men to wear tights he’d have given us the legs to go with them”

[Harry] “That’s rich, coming from a man who wears skirts”

(steady on Harry!)

[Jazzer, on Harry wearing tie to a theme park] “You can take the man out of the building society …”

[Jazzer] “It’ll be me who she’ll be cuddling up to when the rides get scary, no the apprentice”

[Jazzer] “Roond and roond Harry Boy, she’ll be that dizzy she’ll fall into my arms”

Live weight gains and finishing

Adam is a bit worried about ‘the general public’s’ reaction to learning about what really happens to lambs.

I’m with Jennifer that folks shouldn’t be squeamish about the reality of what goes onto their dinner plate But they also missed the point that the lamb on your plate isn’t the wee cut toot leaping about the field. The ‘lamb’ is a bit more of a sheep when it heads off to slaughter …

[Adam] “I just hope some bunny hugger doesn’t jump over the gates to liberate them”

Ian’s worried about Ruairi

So says Adam.

Ian also lost his mum when he was young, and worries that boarding school won’t be the best thing for Ruairi.

But it seems it’s a done deal. Jennifer reckons Bridget wants it, and Ruairi wants, “so there we are”.

Harry’s impressed by Adam’s whites

Isn’t it nice to have a chap in Ambridge who cares about appearance, health and cleanliness, and isn’t gay?

That’s out Harry. He ain’t no stereotype!

Congratulating Adam about his part in Ambridge’s recent cricket win (yet another! This must be shaping up to be quite a good season), Harry also compliments Adam on his whites, and asks him about how he gets them so.

[Adam] “Ian does something mysterious with them before they go into the washing machine”

Harry then invites Adam and Ian over for dinner, sometime.

That’ll be a fun one.

How many times will Jazzer natter on about how many women he’s pulled, just to make sure no-one has any doubts?

“Two hours of doom and gloom …”

[Jazzer] “…when I was expecting thrills and spills”

Ah, that was a mean trick to play on a man.

Jazzer had thought the pickers outing was to a funfair.

Neither Adam, nor Harry, thought it fit to tell him that it was Macbeth. They did the exact opposite.

[Jazzer] “It’s been me who’s been kippered!”

But it wasn’t a complete disaster.

Jazzer might be a bit annoyed, but he reckoned one of the witches was a looker – and he also got to sit with Zofia on the way back.

Jennifer said ‘LOL’

Which sounded very odd indeed.

Actually, Brian’s a bit doom and gloom

[Brian, on Phoebe’s forthcoming 13th] “Well, her best years are behind her now … life only gets more complicated when you grow up”

[Brian, on Phoebe’s birthday party at the hall] “Hope that all the ducks in the village pond get their earplugs ready”

He also reckoned the catering for her party could just be as simple as opening the front door, and throwing junk food at them.

It must be him worrying about the mart.

No. 3 isn’t a good ‘un?

There was a mention that Tom’s new neighbour has a dog that never stops barking.

Oh dear.

Either Jonti Waters isn’t going to be a very well behaved Ambridge resident – or he’s already died and the dog is just trying to tell everyone!

Jennifer doesn’t need to read Mistress of the Paddocks …

… because it must be one if hers.

Surely?

[Adam] “You’re going to have to read it eventually mum to find out who the Mistress of the Paddocks really is”

The Archers Tuesday 7th June 2011: Mucho Ado about … not alot

(Quiet day in Ambridge)

Brian’s eyes are watering over insurance for Open Farm Sunday
Bluebird Cottage in arrears
Adam gets a cracker in
The Scottish Play
Jill backed off

Brian’s eyes are watering over insurance for Open Farm Sunday

[Brian] “With the public bouncing round the tracks on the back of this thing and crawling all over the combine … what if some old dear falls into the lake and sues us?”

But Adam is staying positive.

It sounds like he’s even persuaded the morose Will – worried about folks disturbing, or even finding, “his birds” – to do a question and answer session.

Bluebird Cottage in arrears

So it seems. Someone/a family called Harrison. And Bluebird is one of Lower Loxley’s tied cottages.

Wonder if Elizabeth will turn into a hard and harsh landlord – or will Roy continue to soften her?

Adam gets a cracker in

Over Brian, believe it or not.

Brian’s talking about Kate being busy with her College work.

[Brian] “Something worthy about growing birth rates in far flung rural communities”

[Adam] “Ah, not something you’d know about then”

Tee-hee!

The Scottish Play

Odd that Adam referred to Macbeth as “The Scottish Play”.

It’s almost as if he was a thespian …

Anyhoo – Adam was talking about Macbeth as it’s a play the pickers are off to see.

Which Harry is interested in (he’s also a frequent at Home Farm), and reckons Jazzer might also be interested in as he’s … um …Scottish.

Either way. Zofia is going. So both are likely to be there.

Jill backed off

From reminding Elizabeth that it would have been Nigel’s birthday next week, even though she is concerned that Elizabeth seems to be ignoring it.

She instead reminded Elizabeth about Ruth’s birthday (also next week).

Not like Jill at all.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

The Archers Friday 3rd June 2011: Kate sits down to “talk sensibly”

Phoebe’s birthday bound to be a farce?
Abbie’s not an artistic type?
Hayley has a blonde moment
Open Farm Sunday will be at Home Farm
Grumpy bees
Kate tries to be an adult
Cakes and rifts
Shula’s comeback to St. Stephens?

Phoebe’s birthday bound to be a farce?

It’s Phoebe’s 13th birthday at the end of this month.

So, Roy and Hayley are busy planning. Village Hall, DJ, ‘bouncers’ to stop any cider being sneaked in (the bouncers will probably be a rotation of dads).

Abbie’s not an artistic type?

Roy and Hayley were being nice parents, and praising Abbie’s clay modelling efforts.

But both had to ask what it was she had just made for them (turned out to be cakes and tea).

Not to worry Abbie. You’re only 3. Plenty of time to find your calling.

Hayley has a blonde moment

[Hayley] “Lynda saw an Ostrich in the Forest of Dean”

On Roy saying ‘you what?’

[Hayley] “No … Goshawk … .knew there was on o in it somewhere”

Bless.

Open Farm Sunday will be at Home Farm

Phew.

That kept me awake all night, worrying.

And David is also very relieved.

Though he feels like he should be doing it – especially as he is President of the NFU – but needs must.

[David] “Well it will be easier working as normal instead of trying to entertain the masses”

Wonder how the Aldridge’s will cope with the masses … probably first time they’ve come into close contact with ‘them’. Though, of course, there is the Carter side of their family.

Grumpy bees

[Jill] “They’re still quite grumpy in the third hive, I hope I don’t have to end up re-queening”

Anyone who’s read this blog will know that I love a bit of bee action.

Lovely to hear Jill talking about them, and that Josh is still interested and helping.

Marvellous.

Kate tries to be an adult

Earlier on, Hayley had been talking about Phoebe.

[Hayley] “She’s still got such a grump on about South Africa”

Considering it was Kate that caused all of the problem in the first place by promising Phoebe that she could live with her in South Africa, it’s only right that Kate tries to sort it out.

Very surprisingly, and quite out of character for Kate, she actually tries to do just that.

Kate doesn’t get off to a good start. She arrives at Roy and Hayley’s unannounced, when Roy is sat around in socks with holes in them.

[Kate] “Don’t worry Roy, I’ve seen you in much worse states, haven’t I?”

You could feel Hayley’s hackles go up at that one.

But down to business.

[Kate] “She (Phoebe) seems so unhappy”

[Hayley] “Well, she is getting tugged backwards and forwards rather a lot at the moment”

Kate explains that Phoebe’s heart is set on going to South Africa to live for a bit. Roy reckons it’s just what Phoebe “thinks she wants”. But Kate insists they still need to:

[Kate] “talk sensibly and calmly”

(blimey!)

Kate explains that “mum and dad” (Brian and Jennifer) will be paying for Phoebe’s flights. (wonder if they know about that). Roy explains he doesn’t want to lose Phoebe for a whole year. Hayley reckons Phoebe is too young to be making that sort of move. Kate thinks it’s an amazing opportunity at the right time for Phoebe (before she starts exams and such), and that Roy and Hayley need to think about it properly, “for Phoebe’s sake”.

When Kate leaves, Hayley starts on a ‘the nerve of her’ rant, but Roy isn’t so sure that Late doesn’t have a good point about this being an amazing opportunity for Phoebe.

[Roy] “What if we’re being selfish?”

But, Hayley seems to be thinking with heart not head.

[Hayley] “They’re both my daughters (Abbie and Phoebe), just the same, and I can’t bear to see her go for so long”

Roy reckons they’ve all got to compromise. Which is a point well made.

BUT – isn’t the real problem that Phoebe going to South Africa means that Kate will be looking after her?

Would any of us trust the care of a child (or anyone, of any age) to Kate?

Cakes and rifts

Shula and Jill are having a chat about the twins.

Seemingly Freddie was “enormously enthusiastic” about making cakes with Jill – to the point where Jill is still finding bits of ingredients around the kitchen – and Lily made a good Victoria sponge.

Shula reckoned that Freddie and Lily going to see Brookfield’s new puppy Tigg was a small step forward for Elizabeth and David, but Jill thinks not.

[Jill] “ …Roy took them … there was no change in her (Elizabeth) own attitude. If anything, she and David seemed to be accepting that it was a permanent rift”

Poor Jill. What a horrific situation for a mum.

Shula’s comeback to St. Stephens?

During times of difficulty, Jill could normally find solace in St. Stephens

[Jill] “And no matter how hot and busy life is outside, or cold and miserable, I’ve nearly always found great comfort there”

In a very poignant and moving speech, Jill explains that she can go to St. Stephens, sit quietly, and let go of her troubles. After which, she’d often find that she found a solution to her problems.

[Jill] “And very often, I’ve been filled with a certainty, a real sense of God being with me … that’s when I’d see if he had time to take notice of my little troubles. He always did”

But, not last week.

[Jill] “No, all I could think about was David and Elizabeth and this terrible row … I sat and prayed after the service. I couldn’t see any way forward. None at all. I felt so helpless”

So Jill wants Shula to come with her to St. Stephens this week. Even though Shula still hasn’t resolved her issue with Alan, Usha and ‘that’ statue …

[Jill] “I don’t want to be all on my own again”

Goodness. Phil is still very much missed.

The Archers Thursday 2nd June 2011: Open Farm Sunday cliff-hanger

Jennifer’s a crafty player
“Have your strawberries got a vicious streak?”
Supermarkets – a positive news story?
Gisela “pulling the homesick stunt again”
Does Jennifer have cravings?
Kate likes the jade pendant
“Paddocks of Desire”
Not sure if I can wait until tomorrow …

Jennifer’s a crafty player

She sells every punnet of strawberry at the farmer’s market – then manages to get Jazzer into emptying out her van for her.

Sometimes easy to forget that Jennifer isn’t just the straight-man to Brian’s wheeler dealings.

“Have your strawberries got a vicious streak?”

Jazzer ends up emptying Jennifer’s van as he’s too distracted trying to get Zofia’s telephone number from Jennifer.

He reckons Zofia was about to give it to him anyway at the Sticky Wicket, before Harry interrupted them. Jazzer tells Jennifer that Zofia looks lonely, so he just wants to help.

[Jazzer] “You know me, always wanting to extend the hand of friendship”

Jennifer won’t give it to him (employee confidentiality), and also won’t let him go into the polytunnel to see Zofia.

[Jazzer] “Have your strawberries got a vicious streak?”

So, in return for all his effort, all Jazzer gets is a list of dates of when there will be Picker socials. And a loose promise from Adam that he’ll be invited to the next one.

Methinks Jazzer will have to be a lot more crafty if he wants to beat Harry to the chase.

Supermarkets – a positive news story?

Penny Marsh seems to think so.

Penny is Matt’s ‘insider’ at the Council – and meets with Brian and Annabelle to substantiate Matt’s claim that there’s more “sugar” to be had from the Council, if they get an early push on with the new Mart.

It seems that at least two supermarkets want the site – and Penny reckons the councils want them to be in on the site as soon as possible. It would (seemingly) be a terrific boost for the Council.

Hmmm.

I can see how making money out of a Supermarket buying a site is a boost. I can also see that a new supermarket creates more jobs, gets more folks in to the area (and so on), BUT don’t most communities fight against new supermarkets?

Death of local high streets. More traffic. Environmental impact (etc).

Either way, Brian still isn’t convinced that this is all real. It sounds like a great deal for him and his fellow directors, but it would involve having to move all of their plans forward – so more of a risk.

[Brian] “ … a golden opportunity for BMD or being bounced into something nasty by Matt?”

Gisela “pulling the homesick stunt again”

According to Adam.

Gisela is one of Home Farm’s pickers, and she wants to sue the office Skype to call home.

Adam reckons she just wants to chat to her boyfriend back home, but Jennifer is a bit more sympathetic (which is why Adam is probably asking Jennifer to speak to Gisela instead of tackling her himself).

Seems that Gisela has a bit of a dodgy boyfriend, who she literally needs an eye kept on to stop wandering.

Doubt a Skype call will achieve that …

Does Jennifer have cravings?

Jennifer is 66, so surely not.

Maybe the “seriously hot” Jalapeno Salsa was just a wee fancy of hers.

Though she is right to be a bit embarrassed that it wasn’t homemade. She has quite a reputation to up when it comes to culinary delights.

Kate likes the jade pendant

Even to the point where she thought it was the best present Brian had ever got for Jennifer.

If it hadn’t also gone down well with other folks (excluding Lilian, of course), I’d be sure it was naff, if only based on Kate’s approval.

Anyhoo – I didn’t quite understand what Jennifer meant when she said she gets Jade and Coral this year. I know it’s just been her and Brian’s 35th, and she was 66 in January – but what else is special about this year? She made mention of December. Is it just that she’s excited about what her Christmas present could be, considering Brian’s doing so well with his presents so far?

“Paddocks of Desire”

Would be a “ridiculous title” for a book, according to Jennifer.

Interesting that she hasn’t read past page 5 of Mistress of the Paddocks.

Talking to Adam about it, Jennifer claims that she thought it had been a good idea

[Jennifer] “ …local author … rural themes … much less daunting. For all Jim’s carping, it’s attracted at least one new member”

So while Jennifer seems to have not read it, it’s got Pat into the Book Club. I never took Pat as a romance fiction fan.

I can't track it down anywhere – but can we assume that Mistress of the Paddocks is one of Jennifer’s?

Not sure if I can wait until tomorrow …

… to find out about whether Brian will agree to Home Farm doing Open Farm Sunday in place of Brookfield.

Adam wants to. Jennifer’s also keen.

There was even mention of Tom’s burger van.

But Brian is oddly negative and cautious at the moment.

[Adam, to Bran] “ … open farm Sunday, yes or no?”

Blimey. The tension is awful!

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

The Archers Wednesday 1st June 2011: Tigg arrives at Brookfield

Why no memory stick?
“The sponge rubber people aren’t our biggest clients, but they do go back a long way”
Of course Jessica has perked up!
Get a puppy – problem solved
The waterpark isn’t as good as a puppy
Open Farm at Home Farm?

Why no memory stick?

A presenter, doing a presentation at Lower Loxley, is panicking in case his laptop fails him. So Roy has another one lined up for him.

Any presenter worth his salt surely takes another copy of their presentation on a memory stick?

Planning, people. Planning.

“The sponge rubber people aren’t our biggest clients, but they do go back a long way”

So says Elizabeth. So Roy takes good care of them.

Of course Jessica has perked up!

It would be sometimes easy to think that Elizabeth is just a bit dim.

She seems surprised Jessica is happier since was told that the Falconry wasn’t closing.

But – it’s not being Elizabeth dim – she’s just being her usual self-centred self.

She has no idea that her making a decision can impact on someone else. And that some folks actually depend on their jobs to earn a living.

Silly moo.

But at least Roy got a nice moment.

[Roy] “When Jessica hugs you, you stay hugged”

Get a puppy – problem solved!

David sounded so happy with Tigg.

In fact, that’s the happiest David has sounded since Nigel died.

Tigg is short for Tigger, as they reckon he “bounces all over the place”.

And he also listens. David was already getting him to respond to some basic commands.

Right. So we leave David in a room with Tigg for a few months, and problems solved?

The waterpark isn’t as good as a puppy

According to Freddie.

He’s miffed that he thought he was going to Brookfield to see Tigg.

But Elizabeth takes them to waterworld instead.

They take ages to get there (bad traffic), and they have to leave early as it’s too busy, and Freddie is still in a grump.

Or at least, Lily reckons that Freddie spoiled it for everyone.

Roy offers to take Freddie over to Brookfield, Elizabeth doesn’t sound keen, but eventually relents

(during their conversation, Lily was playing up a bit:

[Lily] “Does anybody care that I’m starving?

“Oh dear, I’ve just fainted. Nevermind …”)

And Lily doesn’t want to with Roy and Freddie to Brookfield. She reckon she’s had enough of Freddie’s company already …

Open Farm at Home Farm?

David pops over to Brian’s. He has the ulterior motive of trying to persuade Brian to take on Open Farm Sunday, instead of Brookfield.

After chatting about mice hiding in combines, the initial signals from Brian aren’t good. He thinks David is asking for his usual help at Brookfield for Open Farm Sunday – namely taking machinery over

[Brian] “So the great unwashed can see what a real combine is like”

And when David eventually asks him outright:

[Brian] “You’re must mo0re trusting than I am … you’re happy to have all and sundry clamouring around your farm, working out the best way to come back and pinch your diesel or nick a tractor”

David reassures that it isn’t all that bad.

Nobody steals anything (if they’re marshalled), it means cash in the pocket from folks signing up to buy meat (and such direct), it creates goodwill and educates, and there’s also good PR to be had.

Brian still seems unconvinced. Seemingly the venison virtually sells itself.

But, actually, the fishing lake numbers are down this year … so Brian is at least going to ask Adam …

Yup.

You heard it.

Brian has to ask Adam about a Home Farm decision.

He said himself it was going to take time to get used to – but how very odd that Adam is now taking over the reins, bit by bit.

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

The Archers Tuesday 31st May 2011: An Archer back in The Bull?

Matt is precious about his delphiniums
Jonti moved in
“There’s far too much romantic tripe around”
Penny Marsh! tut, tut
Kenton and Jolene exploring the fleshpots of Borchester
No Brookfield Open Farm Sunday?
Kenton might move his toothbrush in

Matt is precious about his delphiniums

Brian arrives early for a meeting with Matt, to find him gardening.

Not sure why Brian was surprised (and though Matt’s gardener was off sick) – doesn’t everyone know that Matt discovered a passionate for horticulture when he was in prison?

And boy, is he particular about his garden. His gardener seemingly does not impress him:

[Matt] “the lawn would better is he was (off sick), he practically scalped it yesterday. I’m not trusting him to stake the delphiniums”

(on seeing Brian’s surprise at Matt’s gardening knowledge:

[Matt] “I picked up a bit when her majesty insisted on giving me bed and breakfast, it passed the time”

Matt says he appreciates the “discipline” of gardening. It helps him keep his end in order.

Jonti moved in

To No.3

But we didn’t get to hear it. Or him.

Matt hasn’t really got much to say about him either:

[Matt] “Well, he hasn’t got two heads or a saxophone”

Can No.3 be heard at the Dower House? Or does Matt actually care for no.3’s neighbours.

“There’s far too much romantic tripe around”

So says Brian.

(I never saw tripe as being romantic. Each to their own, I suppose).

He’s complaining that Jazzer and Harry have been calling (separately) to speak to Zofia (as she’s picking fruit at Home Farm).

Wonder who will buy her a mobile phone first?

Penny Marsh! tut, tut

Matt reveals his source at the Council – it’s Penny Marsh, who is on the development subcommittee.

How terrible of Ms Marsh.

(and I have never heard of Penny Marsh before but she sounds like a bad public servant)

Matt’s arranging a meeting with Penny Marsh and Brian (and Annabelle):

[Matt] “The BMD team want to tap her on the head, to see if she rings true”

Kenton and Jolene exploring the fleshpots of Borchester

They have a day off together, so are in the car about to head to Borchester.

But, Kenton isn’t on best form.

He’s having a stressful time at Lower Loxley (Elizabeth crazy angry), with him mum (Jill is very upset) and David (not wanting to even be around him).

[Kenton] “It’s like we’re never going to be able to move on. Remember Nigel properly”

So, Jolene spots that he’s not a happy chappy, and takes him back inside to slob around (her words).

[Jolene] “Haven’t we got passed having to entertain each other?”

Oh no.

That’s not good.

It’s surely not time already for them to not make an effort anymore? To not be pretty, or even pretty smelling, for each other?

Slippery slope. Once you stop brushing your hair, the bed death will set in shortly …

No Brookfield Open Farm Sunday?

David still isn’t looking forward to Open Farm Sunday.

[David] “It’s just pretending to be jolly for the visitors”

Pip reckons they actually don’t have to do it. They could try and pass it onto another farm.

Will the world be the same without a Brookfield Open Farm Sunday?

Kenton might move his toothbrush in

And his underwear. His records. His dodgy shirts (which I always imagine he wears).

Jolene has asked Kenton to move in with her (and Fallon, actually) at The Bull.

[Kenton] “I’d love to. This … being with you … it feels like home. It’s where I want to be”

Yay! And Jolene knows what she’s getting into. She would seemingly love to try putting up with him.

But wait … there’s an Elizabeth shaped brick wall in the way.

Kenton wants to move in, but he can’t leave Elizabeth with all of the David fall-out happening.

Boooo.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

The Archers Sunday 29th May 2011: If Shula can still be friends with Caroline …

… why can’t Elizabeth be as humane?

“Hay, David’s getting ready to cut”
New sheep dog for Brookfield
David bumps Shula
“Oliver is living and breathing hunt puppies at the moment”
Who left the gate open?
Shula and Caroline
No appetite for Open Farm Sunday
At least Jill has the grandkids
A delightful Canadian lady wants Lower Loxley wine
“Thank heavens. I haven’t let my heart rule my head”
First half century of the season

“Hay, David’s getting ready to cut”

Was what the announcer said before today’s eavesdropping episode.

Must let him open the early sherry for the live Sunday experience …

New sheep dog for Brookfield

And David’s at pains to make sure Josh (and Ben) know it’s not a pet.

David bumps Shula

Shula seems to be having no luck with her siblings at the moment.

She clip-clops up to Josh and David, but David moves her on quick sharp (with the excuse that he and Josh need to do some halter training).

But Shula seems to be an oasis of calm while the rest of her family fall apart.

I suppose she’s been there, done that.

“Oliver is living and breathing hunt puppies at the moment”

AND he’s got a brand new panama hat.

Must be marvellous being Oliver, sometimes.

Who left the gate open?

That’s bad country code, that is.

Though, it’s just as bad country code to shut a gate you find open. The farmer could have left it that way on purpose.

Leave it as you find it …

Shula and Caroline

Obviously Caroline and Shula have many years between Mark’s death, but they are living proof of how friendship (and rationality) can rise above blame.

Shula often finds herself thinking about how Mark will never get older, and Caroline often thinks of Guy.

Neither are unhappy with their current chaps, but can’t help sometimes pondering what could have been.

[Shula] “That’s what’s so frustrating with Elizabeth … I understand so much of what she’s going through”

No appetite for Open Farm Sunday

Crickey.

David is indeed in a bad way.

At least Jill has the grandkids

Shula was telling Caroline that Jill is beyond distressed with the state of affairs between David and Elizabeth.

But Jill does take solace in her various grandchildren getting on so well.

Bodes well for the future.

But, then again, there’s plenty time for rivalries and fall-outs.

A delightful Canadian lady wants Lower Loxley wine

Good news for Elizabeth, and proves Lewis’ worth (the sale came from the free samples he was giving away at the gallery).

“Thank heavens. I haven’t let my heart rule my head”

Aye, so you are, Elizabeth.

She’s talking about the Falconry.

She was checking to see what Lewis thought she should do. Whether Roy was right that they should try at least another year.

[Lewis] “There’s no point in hiring Roy if you don’t trust his judgement on something like this”

Lewis has also looked at Roy’s figures, and reckons he’s right.

At which, Elizabeth is relieved. She’d actually already told Jessica that she could stay, after she saw her flying Hector.

[Elizabeth] “Thank heavens. I haven’t let my heart rule my head”

Hmmm.

Not so the case with how Elizabeth is dealing with David’s revelations.

And also not the case when it comes to Freddie wanting to go and visit Brookfield’s new puppy (doesn’t sound like she’s going to let him).

First half century of the season

By Alistair.

Well done, that man.

Monday, 14 June 2010

13th June 2010

Open Farm Sunday … Kathy sorts it out … Elizabeth still won’t leave it be

“This little tube. It don’t look much. But down it goes when lambs won’t suck.”
Oo-er – what’s gone on at the Grundy’s?
Kenton has a lot to learn from Kathy
And your point being what, Elizabeth?

“This little tube. It don’t look much. But down it goes when lambs won’t suck.”

Ah – the dulcet tones and rhymes of Bert. Bound to leave you better informed (though can offend some!).

Oo-er – what’s gone on at the Grundy’s?

It doesn’t sound good, whatever’s happened.

It would seem that the fire engine was on its way over (or was that a red herring?), but certainly the reports were that the Grundy’s Open Farm Sunday were in a bit of a “muddle”.

Still, David and Ruth’s clan seemed to fair well, with Pip returning to old form. For one day only?

Kenton has a lot to learn from Kathy

Kathy not only sorts out Fallon being able to fly to New Zealand, but also makes sure that the pub is covered.

See Kenton – that’s how you can support and think about other people.

Kathy’s in mourning, and also has to support poor Jamie, but still finds time to consider Fallon.

Funny that Kathy can do all of that, while you only seem to give a hoot about Jaxx.

And your point being what, Elizabeth?

Not content with trying to sort out the rift between Pip and her folks, Elizabeth seems to now be getting involved in Pip and Jude’s travel plans.

Why, oh why, oh why?

Is Nigel not doing his job as a husband properly (by getting the gorilla suit out on a regular basis)?

Friday, 11 June 2010

10th June 2010

When is a farm open day not a visit to Steptoe and son?

Seriously – watch out for Patrick!

Right not to tell Jack about Sid?

While Brenda’s away … Tom goes to his mum for his dinner

When is a farm open day not a visit to Steptoe and son?

When Clarrie gets involved.

Sounds like she’s managing her menfolk well enough, but how long before she ends up having to ‘clear up’ after them?

Will she have to pry Vicky and Joe apart when Vicky realises that her cut is only a percentage of the takings that Joe admits to (the main bulk of it being hidden under a cider barrel)?

Will their campers revolt after finding themselves stuck in the middle of an open day when they expected a quiet retreat?

Will Joe finally get caught by the Police selling alcohol without a licence?

Waiting with each anticipation …

Seriously – watch out for Patrick!

He keeps being mentioned, and is a regular visit to Bridge Farm.

Patrick’s now become my ‘next man for Helen’ about Greg from Wales, the Veg Man’s son and Harry.

Right not to tell Jack about Sid?

I think that Peggy and Lilian were right not to mention Sid’s death to Jack.

After all – what would it achieve? Does Jack even remember Sid?

While Brenda’s away … Tom goes to his mum for his dinner

Steady there Tom. You don’t want to have to readjust back to a normal, hum-drum life when Brenda returns to normal life.

Mind you, that should be ‘if’ Brenda returns …

Thursday, 10 June 2010

9th June 2010

Arse. Jude’s back

Matt’s foot in the pub?

Kenton. Stop it. Stop it now.

Map Sticks

Jazzer didn’t get them from the garage!

And on Sid …

Arse. Jude’s back

I really didn’t realise what a relief it was to have days sans Jude until he turned up again.

“All a bit biz at the moment”

You utter cretin.

While trying to get Pip to have ‘one more’ before the bar shuts, Jude was waxing lyrical about Ibiza.

Ibiza? Isn’t that, like, soooo late decade?

Still. That makes sense, considering Jude’s a man trying to be a teenage boy.

Pip. Please dump him. I don’t know how much more we can take …

Matt’s foot in the pub?

The more cynical listeners-in to Ambridge might see Matt’s attempts to help out at The Bull are just his way of worming into the setup now that Sid has departed us.

True? Or is this indeed the new caring, sharing Matt Crawford?

Kenton. Stop it. Stop it now.

Okay – so I can accept Kenton is handling Sid’s death in his own way. That means he must be coming across as insensitive because he really isn’t good at handling a personal crisis.

But, that really doesn’t excuse his eagerness to get Jamie out of the house and back to school, the day after his dad has died. Poor wee lamb ended up crying in the middle of a lesson.

And what about Kenton escaping to the pub to moan about Kathy’s ‘wallowing’?

Kenton reckons that Kathy shouldn’t be that upset, as it’s been many years since she spilt up with Sid.

Eh?

What about all the time they did spend together? That they had a son together? That Sid was still a part of Kathy’s life? It’s not as if they split up and moved continents apart.

But, then there have also been signs that Kenton does ‘get it’. While he was in the middle of berating Kathy for ‘influencing’ Jamie to be grief-stricken (hmmm. I think Jamie can find his own feelings about this without Kathy’s help) – he did tell Kathy to give Jamie a big hug and tell him he was thinking of him.

Maybe that’s the problem? Kenton can only hug metaphorically?

Either way – get a grip Kenton and be a husband and a step-dad. You running away will only mean your family will end up running away from you.

Map Sticks

Pip’s getting back into the swing of being part of the family, and shall be at Open Farm Sunday.

Though she did explain it – I don’t entirely get the concept of Map Sticks …

Jazzer didn’t get them from the garage!

Good on you matey. Nice flowers, nice gesture, and (seemingly) meant without any romantic undertones.

Has Jazzer seen the light and realised he’d be better off being Fallon’s mate?

Or, more surprisingly, has he realised when it is and isn’t appropriate to put the squeeze on a lady?

And on Sid …

Here’s a reason ‘why’ from Tim Bentinck on Twitter (@timbentinck):

“In answer to kind questions about Alan Deveraux, he's decided to retire after over 30 years of being probably the best actor in the show.”

Friday, 4 June 2010

3rd June 2010

Ebenezer Archer

Do it Pip

I’d go to see one pig and a few ferrets!

Ebenezer Archer

Joe Grundy wouldn’t be Joe Grundy if he wasn’t outraged at being charged for something.

I can see David’s point (that he’d be subsidising their profits if he didn’t charge), but have the suspicion that it’s more about not having to deal with the Grundy’s at Open Farm Sunday, rather than the cash.

Do it Pip

What on earth is wrong with Elizabeth?

Why all this interest in Pip?

And why should Pip have to tell her folks about missing an exam? Isn’t she old enough to be coping with her own mistakes? I think Pip is right that it’ll just make them more angry (though if that results on a new assault on Jude, that’s fine by me).

I know Elizabeth has had a checkered past, but this is all a bit too odd. Leave them be Elizabeth. They’ll manage to implode without your assistance.

Bless David for welling up when he was telling Pip that they have a lot of faith in her, and know she won’t let her down. Though, of course, that made it impossible for Pip to tell them about the missed exam.

Still, David and Ruth shouldn’t be putting that kind of pressure onto Pip. I think they shouldn’t be as involved in her College work as they are. She’s not a school kid anymore

(and as an aside – hurrah to the lack of Jude!)

I’d go to see one pig and a few ferrets!

The Grundy’s Open Farm Sunday sounds marvellous.

Especially if they do also have their compost, digger display and their mystery tour of their field.

Though why they think Tom’s sausages are foxy, I don’t know (or did I just hear that wrong?).

And also spare a thought for those campers who are expecting ‘peace and quiet’ but will get ‘fun and frolics for free’ (if Joe doesn’t get his way in charging them extra).

The war over Open Farm Sunday has begun …