Monday, 28 February 2011

The Archers Mon 28th Feb 2011: Lilian without a drink!!!!

  • Lily is quite evil
  • “I’ve got an awkward little decision to make”
  • Now Topper’s for it
  • “Tell your mum”
  • “You just got on with it”

Lily is quite evil

Lily has the makings of a really nasty piece of work.

It’s bad enough that she told Freddie he’s mucked his exam up – but did she really then have to go through all of the questions assuming she was right and he was wrong?

Bless little Freddie (who was overjoyed when he thought he might have actually got one right). He deserves far better in a sister.

“I’ve got an awkward little decision to make”

That’s one of the biggest understatements I’ve ever heard!

Lilian’s propping up the bar of Jaxx.

Kenton quite believe that she’s only drinking coffee:

[Kenton] “It’s unusual seeing you with a drink that can’t bite back”

But she’s pondering away, on her “little decision” about whether she should sell The Bull. This goes on for hours, with no sign of booze, until Kenton can’t take it anymore.

[Kenton] “Lilian, I don't want you in any way to take this personally … if you carry on sitting there, I may have to put a lampshade over your head or else passers-by will assume we’re holding a festival of gloom”

So – Lilian has a G&T (hurrah!) and starts to tell Kenton her woes:

[Lilian] “What’s been so maddening, is that he’s been right all along”

(Swearing Kenton to secrecy before she’ll tell him anything, Kenton respond with)

[Kenton] “The secret of the Marie Celeste … the real reason the Mona Lisa is smiling… Lord Lucan’s current postcode. I know them all. But I haven't breathed a word”

When Lilian tells him, Kenton can’t believe it.

He can’t believe Jolene would sell – especially not when it’d mean The Bull wouldn’t be actually sold and kept as a pub.

So he decides to go and see Jolene, but she’s away. (can I just say – what an arse that man can be. He’s been blanking Jolene for a while now, but suddenly decides he can see her when there’s a pub at stake. Nice mate, that one).

But Lilian reckons Jolene’s seeming willingness to see The Bull bulldozed (gettit!) goes deep.

[Lilian] “I got the impression she simply can’t wait to leave Ambridge”

Now Topper’s for it

Topper was Nigel’s hunter – which no-one will now ride.

Which seemingly isn’t good for a horse (though some would think an easy life of grazing and grooming would be quite a nice prospect).

So – he’s to be sold.

And as per, David wants to arrange it, even though Shula could more than likely do a far better job.

Will that man ever stop punishing himself? He’ll be causing yet more disaster if he continues like this.

“Tell your mum”

Jill isn’t daft when it comes to reading her kids.

She spots David’s not quite up to par. And manages to get him to talk about him and Ruth.

[David] “We seem to have lost the knack of talking to each other sensibly at the moment”

[Jill] “You shouldn’t be running backwards and forwards all the time … come less often, but do spend more time when you are here”

The thing is – everyone around Elizabeth agrees that the only real answer to everyone’s woes is to get a professional manager in for Lower Loxley.

But no. They’re all still tip-toeing around her as she:

[Jill] “Still can’t bear the thought of someone taking Nigel’s place”

I know that it will take a very long time for Elizabeth to heal (if ever), but how long will David have to go on half-killing himself working at both Lower Loxley and Brookfield … or how long before Ruth kills him?

And I think Jill actually made things worse. She made mention of what would happen if David didn’t help out as much – Elizabeth would try and do everything herself, which would put strain on her already dodgy heart and could result in death.

Nice work Jill.

As if David needed any more guilt to cope with.

“You just got on with it”

And there it is – Elizabeth spelt out why she is insisting on making life so difficult for everyone in not hiring a professional manager:

[Elizabeth] “I want you to know it really doesn’t matter if you pass or fail … yet you just got on with it”

Talking to Freddie and Lily to reassure them if they fail their exams – Elizabeth seemed to be saying she was proud of them for ‘getting on with it’ through their grief.

Is that her measure?

Could explain a lot. And mean a lot more hassle for David long-term.

The Archers Sun 27th Feb 2011: David forgets the by-pass tap

  • He’s lying
  • It is worth crying over contaminated milk
  • What wintering ducks are left?
  • Will the papers force Helen back to Bridge farm?
  • Kirsty’s not the maternal type
  • Emma’s not the bookish type
  • Helen’s now not interested in stew packs and spices
  • Ruth can apply a docking ring without falling over

He’s lying

David, David, David … when are you going to learn?

You were nice to let Ruth have a longer sleep (by starting the milking), but why did you then pretend to Ruth that all was in hand with Elizabeth?

You didn’t even have the conversation with her that you promised you would (to Ruth).

And giving Elizabeth yet another excuse for not hiring in a professional manager (Elizabeth can’t focus because of the coroner letter) isn’t going to wash with Ruth anymore.

Why make it harder on yourself? Just be honest with Ruth. She’ll work it out in the end anyway … your absence will speak volumes.

It is worth crying over contaminated milk

David’s tired, stressed and rushing – so has made yet another mistake at Brookfield.

This time, he didn’t switch the bypass on – which meant that all of the milk from this morning, and from last night, was contaminated with dirty water.

And Ruth most definitely isn’t a happy chappy.

[Ruth] “You’re over at Lower Loxley everyday no matter what I say”

[David] “What she’s going through … every time I see her, she’s in so much pain”

David sees it as a “question of timing”. Ruth sees it as a question of David doing the best thing for both his family and for Elizabeth – by letting go of his guilt, and letting Elizabeth stop being so dependent on him.

[Ruth] “So, how do we wait? Until you’ve wrecked everything here …”

Hopefully not Ruth, but goodness knows when David will take back control of his own life.

As Ruth later said to Usha:

[Ruth] “He needs to stop his heart ruling his head … we can’t cope with him being part-time here any longer ... he’s making things worse for Elizabeth – how’s she ever going to face reality again?”

What wintering ducks are left?

Kirsty mentioned that she and Patrick were off to see – but I doubt we’ll hear more about it.


It’s those all too important moments which some hidden microphones cannot reach …

Will the papers force Helen back to Bridge farm?

Seemingly Helen’s losing sleep over noise from downstairs, as well as due to Henry.

How the volunteers in the village shop can be so noisy over newspapers, one can only hazard a guess.

But I wonder if it’ll be Jim Lloyd et al who will encourage Helen on her way back ‘home’ …

Kirsty’s not the maternal type

Or that is at least what it sounded like when Helen left her with Henry.

Emma’s not the bookish type

Bless Usha for having open enough a mind to even think of asking Emma if she wanted to join the book club.

Seems that Richard Thwaite and Caroline have also joined. Sabrina must be still trying to get out of her cat suit, and goodness knows where Oliver’s gone to.

Their first book is The Suspicions of Mr Whicher (which I also highly recommend), but that didn’t seem to entice Emma.

[Emma] “I don’t see the point of sitting around and talking about it afterwards … too much like school, takes all the fun out if it”

Which is fair enough. Emma always struck me as more of a Hello reader …

Helen’s now not interested in stew packs and spices

She’s barely got Henry back from hospital – but now Kirsty is also trying to get her back into work mode (as well as Tony the other day).

I suppose they’re all starting to realise how much work Helen did. It’s all fine and good telling someone to take it easy, but harder to cope without them.

Kirsty has some new ideas, but Helen really couldn’t give a hoot.

She even took it as far to tell Kirsty just to crack on:

[Helen] “Plough right on and see what happens”

And nor was she interested in new salad grower.


All Helen wanted to look at, talk about and think about was Henry.

Ah – there’s a typical new mum for you.

[Helen] “I want to show you his bath mitt – pink sponge hippopotamus – perfect for getting behind his ears – you’ll love it!”


Ruth can apply a docking ring without falling over

On yersel!

The Archers Fri 25th Feb 2011: Jolene’s willing to sell

  • Come on Eddie – take Clarrie to Paris
  • Cripes – Emma is most certainly Susan’s daughter
  • “they think it wasn’t an accident?”
  • Susan and Neil’s 27th anniversary
  • “my mate what was on Mastermind”
  • Emma’s pants askew
  • “he wasn’t quite so … Anglo Saxon”
  • Jolene’s made a decision
  • Lilian gives it to Matt with both barrels

Come on Eddie – take Clarrie to Paris

How happy did Clarrie sound at the thought of Paris. Mind you, Eddie didn’t seem to notice.

Although it was a bit unfair of Clarrie asking Eddie to forgo his ideal 60th birthday celebration ( a day at the races) for Paris – it might have been quite lovely of Eddie to give Clarrie a proper break.

The last time Clarrie managed to get to rest her feet was when she broke herself, rather than had a break …

Still, Eddie is Eddie – and Eddie is happy with Felpersham.

Each to their own – but spare a thought for them that keep your world running right.

Cripes – Emma is most certainly Susan’s daughter

So Emma simply had to read David’s letter from the coroner because it was lying next to the ironing …. aye, right then!

What’s worse, Emma then had to blab about it. And she blabs about it to her mum. Who will then tell all and every.

Emma really does need to get on Clarrie’s better side and learn a bit about being honourable, discreet, caring …

“they think it wasn’t an accident?”

So in typical Susan-Carter-fashion, Emma then starts pondering aloud as to whether the Coroner letters mean that Nigel’s death is being treated as suspicious.

Susan did put her right (that it’s only a formality), but it was actually about time the gossip started about Nigel’s death being a bit dodgy.

Two grown men, go up on a stately home’s roof, to untie a banner, in the dark, when it was frosty.

Who’d believe that?

There’s been a murder …

(well, no there hasn’t, but it only takes one drum to start banging …)

Susan and Neil’s 27th anniversary

Poor Neil.

“my mate what was on Mastermind”

I want to go to Eddie’s birthday race day.

He sounds like he’s got a right varied bunch of mates going:

“And Lenny, my mate what was on Mastermind”

How intriguing.

What was Lenny’s specialist subject?

Emma’s pants askew

(or gets her knickers in a twist)

Emma’s nose if well out of joint because Eddie was raving about his birthday party in the village shop to Susan – but Emma know nothing about it. She just had to grin and pretend she’d been invited.

After Eddie leaves, Emma has a right good moan to Susan:

[Emma] “They just presume … it’s like I’m an afterthought … I'm just this person who delivers George”

[Susan] Seriously Emma, I haven’t time to listen to your conspiracy theories”

So Susan packs Emma off to actually talk to Clarrie, rather than just rant about it.

Eddie and Clarrie put Emma right – Eddie had made a mistake in thinking they had invited Emma and Ed.

(but surely Eddie or Clarrie should have thought they were the first who needed to be invited? That they weren’t says a lot …).

But not to be completely placated easily, Emma’s now worried about how much money her and Ed will be able to put into the pot for Eddie to gamble with (Will and Nic have more ready cash to hand – so might show them up), and was increasingly put-out that the whole birthday had been planned by Nic.

Come on Emma.

I know you’re not the brightest spark in the fire, but surely even you can join the dots between being a genuinely caring daughter-in-law/friend to your partner’s parents, and being fully accepted into the family?

“he wasn’t quite so … Anglo Saxon”

Talking her and Matt’s trip to Paris, Lilian gave us a very odd (and quite stomach churning) veiled reference to fruity liaisons with Matt:

[Lilian] “The romance even rubbed off on Matt … he wasn’t quite so … Anglo Saxon”


Jolene’s made a decision

Having a chat with Lilian, Jolene comes out with:

[Jolene] “I would be willing to consider selling you my share of the Bull”

As I’ve said before – I’m fairly nonplussed about Jolene selling. The woman just hasn’t got the hunger to make selling pint of Shires and crisps a proper goer anymore (despite our We Love The Bull campaign).

But – it would be a bit odd to no longer be able to eavesdrop in on the boozy Ambridge moments.

So I’m fine with Jolene selling – but a bit perturbed if that means we no longer have a village pub.

Anyway – Jolene explains to (a rather shocked-but-trying-to-hide-it) Lilian that she made her mind up after realising that The Bull means just as much to Lilian that it does to her – so that it must be okay if Lilian is ready to let it go.

[Jolene] “But at the end of the day, it’s a business. And it’s no good to either of us if it doesn’t make money”

Lilian does manage to gulp back her shock – but it’s all news to her. Jolene’s been persuaded by Matt, without Lilian knowing a thing about it.

Which takes me neatly to:

Lilian gives it to Matt with both barrels

After her chat with Jolene, Lilian is utterly boiling with fury.

Matt went to Jolene, after she had told him not to, behind her back, with a proposal that she had not agreed to.

[Lilian] “I told you not to take it any further. You know how I feel. I have got no intention of closing The Bull.”

Furthermore, Lilian feels that Matt’s simply taking advantage of a woman who is still in deep grief over the death of her husband, so is “playing with her emotions”

[Lilian] “That’s still not an invitation for you to start dripping poison in her ear”

Matt’s response is typical. Although he went behind Lilian’s back – it’s done now – it looks like he’s got a result – so they should just crack on.

But Lilian seems adamant that she’s not going to let him away with this.

[Lilian] “I am not going to be the person held responsible for closing down the village pub”

Lilian then tried to say that she also didn’t want to turn The Bull into flats because of memories of her dad (which didn’t quite ring true – surely Lilian hasn’t forgotten that Jack was an alcoholic? Not the best state of mind for a publican …).

[Lilian] “not everything is a business opportunity , Matt … Just because you haven’t got a past that you care about”


[Matt] “No, I’m far too busy worrying about the future”

[Lilian] “Don’t patronise me”

[Matt] “Then don’t be so sentimental”

[Lilian – storming off for a drink] “If you can’t work as a team, see how you get on without me”

Hmmm. Where have we heard that before.

As much as I utterly adore Lilian, there’s always a feeling that Matt will ultimately get what Matt wants.

The Archers Thurs 24th Feb 2011: Furious wife or bereaved sister

  • Tony wants Helen back home
  • David’s already breaking his promise
  • The Reichstag … wonderful???
  • General is now in a good place
  • Wasnae me – it was the coroner!

Tony wants Helen back home

Still in quite an unnervingly Buddha-calm like temper – Helen seems to be coping quite well on her own with Henry.

Helen even joked with Tony about him taking Henry to The Bull the other night:

[Helen] “ … even when Eddie was showing him how to play darts”

[Tony] “That was only for a moment”

However – Helen doesn’t seem to have had an utter personality transplant overnight.

Pat later sounded very exasperated that Helen won’t even let her change henry’s nappy (being over controlling again, trying to prove a point or just a new mum wanting to do everything for her bairn?).

While Tony’s seems to have accepted that Helen has had her baby solo – he sounds to not be entirely convinced that Henry should actually be brought up just with Helen.

[Tony] “Better for Henry to have lots of people … and we are his only grandparents. That makes us doubly important.”

[Pat] “Tony, I agree”

[Tony] “Oh! Right!!!”

(the shock in Tony’s voice that Pat agreed with him was palpable).

However, both agree that it won’t be an easy task to persuade Helen that she should move back to Bridge Farm.

Good luck with that one, folks!

David’s already breaking his promise

Taking time to properly (and genuinely) thank Ruth for everything she’s having to do alone while he is at Lower Loxley, David makes his first slip in telling Ruth that Elizabeth is also aware of the fact that Ruth is having to work her wee socks off.

While is either a lie (Elizabeth has no awareness of anything beyond the doors of Lower Loxley), or is David lying to himself.

Ruth has another go at David about him finally (and firmly) telling Elizabeth to hire a professional manager, which David agrees to do.

However …

Wasnae me – it was the coroner!

… as David tentatively tries to start telling Elizabeth that he and Ruth can no longer cope with the extra workload – and that she must get a professional manager – Elizabeth interrupts David to tell him that she got a letter from the coroner.

The coroner wants to know what dates Elizabeth is free – and has also probably written to David.

[Elizabeth] “it came as a shock – seeing Nigel’s name in cold, hard print”

Oh dear.

So Elizabeth is very upset again, and David can’t tell her that he needs to step back from being of direct support.

What a dilemma.

Keep your wife happy (or at least avoid her dying from exhaustion), and let your very recently bereaved sister down – or chance divorce out of guilt and familial love.

Hmmm. Don’t think that’s once that can be answered anytime soon.

The Reichstag … wonderful???

Tony gets a text from Tom – who has just arrived in Berlin for his joint 30th birthday treat with Brenda.

[Tony] “(They’re) apparently in a taxi driving past the Reichstag”

[Pat] “Really? That’s wonderful!”

It might just have been me, but Pat’s enthusiasm for the Reichstag felt a bit odd.

Something we don’t know about???

General is now in a good place

Reported David to Elizabeth.

I am glad.

Any bull that lets a child ride his back deserves all nice things to happen.

The Archers Wed 23rd Feb 2011: Scotland’s so far away

  • VisitScotland need to sort this one out
  • “I can’t be with you all the time”
  • Usha’s book club slowly attracts the likelys
  • Temper temper, Ruth
  • Brian’s got the measure of Matt and Lilian
  • Spare a thought for Jill
  • Bunty hasn’t changed
  • David needs to stop promising

VisitScotland need to sort this one out

So it’s taken David a few months to drive a bull up to Scotland – and many months more to get back.

Come on chaps – it isn’t quite the Siberian outpost it used to be.

Not exactly a great advertisement for holidaying in Scotland (if it is such a trauma getting to and from it), but then again, you can’t blame Ambridge folks for speaking their mind.

(and I also declare my interest - I’m working on a tourism project in Scotland at the moment. So I guess it’s as much my problem to sort as it is VisitScotland!).

“I can’t be with you all the time”

Oh Kate – do shut up, will you.

Poor Phoebe is showing her age (that she’s still a child), but Kate doesn’t seem to notice and/or actually give a toss!

Jennifer was worried about Brian on route back from Paris – which got Phoebe worried about her own trip – then, when Brian came back with tales of lost boarding passes and dodgy engines, Phoebe was starting to sound terrified.

Phoebe asked Kate to change her plans to fly back with her, but Kate’s refusing in order to spend time with her kids in South Africa.

Which is fine. But she takes no time to hear what Phoebe is really saying (that she’s scared), instead assumes that Phoebe is some sort of carbon copy of herself as a youngster.

[Kate] “Just think how grown up you’d feel. What an adventure!”

No Kate. No.

Phoebe doesn’t want an adventure.

She wants a mum who spares two thoughts for her own feelings.

Usha’s book club slowly attracts the likelys

She’s not quite going at a Richard & Judy’s Book Club pace, but Usha does seem to be getting some interest.

Ruth is being ever so gently frogmarched into it, but Jim’s also joining – and Jennifer sounds very keen indeed.

I wonder if this will inspire Jennifer to return to her authoress days?

Temper temper, Ruth

Stressed out yet again due to an absence of David, Ruth has a go at Pip for wanting to go to a party.

Now you know that’s not fair, Ruth.

Pip’s been a gem at helping out, but she is still a teenager who wants to do teenage things. Like “go off and get drunk with your friends”.

Not that Pip wants to get drunk. She’s just happy to have passed her test, so has no problem with being the designated driver.

Brian’s got the measure of Matt and Lilian

Back from his trip to Paris with Matt and Lilian in tow:

[Jennifer] “What about Matt and Lilian? Was it everything you feared?”

[Brian] “They weren’t that bad … I got a little tired of being treated as their PA … having so much time to watch them operate … I thought it was only a matter of time before one of them throttled the other, but actually seeing the two of them work together, they make a formidable pair.”

Will this herald a whole new attitude towards Lilian? Will she finally be accepted as something more than just Matt’s puppet.

Actually – does she really deserve more? Lilian may not be as daft as she often seems, but she’s hardly any real use in doing her own bidding …

Spare a thought for Jill

Jill’s either at Lower Loxley or Brookfield – helping out, cooking food, and soothing nerves/tempers.

Difference is that there’s no-one there to get angry on her behalf.


Bunty hasn’t changed

According to Jill.

And Bunty reckons Daniel’s growing up to look like Mark.

Well at least we know something about Daniel. He’s been very, very quiet as of late.

David needs to stop promising

We all know now that the moment David promises Ruth that he’ll be around at Brookfield more, something else will mean he’ll break that promise.

Goodness sake man. I know you’re in a difficult position, but will you ever learn?

The Archers Tues 22nd Feb 2011: Henry’s down the pub

  • What Parade?
  • Jolene went funny at the mention of Kenton
  • Peter the financial adviser has a cold
  • Cropping plans, Romanesco and Chard
  • The lady was for turning
  • What’s wrong with Tony, eh Eddie?
  • “Here we still are”

What Parade?

Helen mentioned she was going to ‘The Parade’ with Henry.

What parade? Surely parades are such a commonplace event in Borchester that they become so commonplace?

I’ll wonder about that for weeks now. Was it Disney cartoons? A local festival? A Riding? Charity floats? Gay Pride?

We must be told.

Jolene went funny at the mention of Kenton

It’s a wee shame on her. Kenton really needs to explain himself. Jolene needs her mates right now.

Peter the financial adviser has a cold

Poor Peter (though we know not a lot about him – so I suppose sympathy can only go so far).

Jolene’s in seeing Peter about potentially selling The Bull.

[Peter] “That’s a shame … not a complete surprise after all you’ve been through over the last year”

Seemingly Sid and Jolene got The Bull valued a few years ago – when it was worth half a million. But Peter now guesses it’ll only be £450,000.

Which, after putting Jamie’s legacy aside – buying a new house – sorting the legals etc wouldn’t leave much change.

[Jolene] “It’s not exactly much for almost 40 years of Sid’s life”

Now there’s a thought.

Will the recession actually save The Bull? Will Jolene realise that it’s better to sit tight and wait for better times?

Mind you – that could be a very long wait indeed.

Cropping plans, Romanesco and Chard

Despite harassing Helen to stay away from Ambridge Organics, Tony then pops over later on to talk about cropping plans.

Come on Tony – either Helen’s working, or she isn’t.

(mind you – Romanesco is a grand idea. I had it a coupe, of times in a veg box I used to get. After having to look it up online first to work out what it was and what to do with it – I can highly recommend it steamed, then served with a squeeze of lemon and a bit of grated parmesan. Brilliant).

The lady was for turning

I no longer recognise Helen

Which is a tad unsettling as I always enjoyed a prolonged Helen whine.

I thought that she would surely return to form over Tony taking Henry to the pub (while she caught up on her sleep), but no. She was fine with it. All she said was:

[Helen] “Mind? No. I’m pleased you had a nice time. Just ask me first next time, eh”


Even Tony seems to have picked up Helen’s glow. Which paints an interesting image indeed.

What’s wrong with Tony, eh Eddie?

Chatting to Mike about his forthcoming birthday do at the racing, Eddie seemed quite perturbed that Tony would think that he was also invited.

What’s so wrong with Tony?

I’m not saying I’d want to spend a few hours in his company, but the poor chap doesn’t have much else outside of the farm, wife, kids and now grandkid.

“Here we still are”

[Eddie] “Here we still are … sat round a table in the bull … just like when we were young whippersnappers”

Now where you could see Eddie, Mike and Tony as sad old craters for having stuck to the same pub/village/life for all these years – but I reckon there’s something warmly satisfying about it.

Monday, 21 February 2011

The Archers Mon 21st Feb 2011: A wild time in Paris (mais non!)

  • Not really
  • We want Debbie!
  • Josh nearly hit one of the lambs with a football
  • Matt’s not letting Brian look at seed drills
  • Roy tries to make Elizabeth go away
  • Matt calls Lilian Pusscat
  • Matt says it, Lilian agrees it and Brian does it
  • Josh is the man of the farm
  • “All the way to Scotland”
  • “It would have finished any other man”
  • “I hope you’re glad you stuck with me”

Not really

That we a bit of a slow Ambridge night – which is surprising, considering Matt, Lilian and Brian are in Paris.

Still, I suppose one really shouldn’t expect that much from an agricultural exhibition.

However – I shall keep this briefer than brief (as there isn’t actually much to say).

So here's Ten Topics from tonight, in 10 words or less.

We want Debbie!

Debbie in Paris, but no secret microphones nearby. Booo!

Josh nearly hit one of the lambs with a football

But didn’t.

Matt’s not letting Brian look at seed drills

Just because he’s playing some sort of power game.

Roy tries to make Elizabeth go away

And succeeds. Roy should be new Lower Loxley manager?

Matt calls Lilian Pusscat

During a business discussion, which I find highly unprofessional

Matt says it, Lilian agrees it and Brian does it

Matt and Lilian eat and shop, Brian haggles the salesman.

Josh is the man of the farm

Says David. Josh birthed one lamb.

“All the way to Scotland”

Where General Custard is heading. But Scotland isn’t far. Honestly.

“It would have finished any other man”

Lilian to Matt on turning his luck around.

[Matt] “I hope you’re glad you stuck with me”

[Lilian] “Always …”

Lilian to retract sentiments over The Bull?

Sunday, 20 February 2011

The Archers Sun 20th Feb 2011: Kenton upsets Jolene

  • Susan’s front page news
  • Lynda’s still going on, and on, and on …
  • Ian Craig to do THE wedding?
  • Brian’s off to Paris
  • Kenton’s being a twerp
  • Eddie’s a Bonnie Tyler fan
  • Ruined packet of crisps
  • Poor Jolene

Susan’s front page news

Susan is on the front page of The Echo – as she was near Camilla when the picture was taken.

Seemingly Clarrie isn’t happy about it. She can’t be seen.

To be exact, she can’t be seen because Susan is waving her Union Jack flag over Clarrie’s face.

Ah Clarrie. Will your light ever be let out from that bushel?

Lynda’s still going on, and on, and on …

Now Lynda reckons that Camilla gave a hoot that her bicycle chain had come off, while she was alone, in the dark, on a country lane. She’s seemingly not saying:

[Jennifer] “How affected by her plight (Camilla) was”

[Jolene] “I’m not so sure about that Jennifer. She just gave her a wave”

Quite right Jolene.

In fact, Camilla saw that Lynda was in distress, and just drove on.

Hardly the beginnings of a deep and meaningful relationship.

Ian Craig to do THE wedding?

(and I will admit that I had to go and do a bit of research to get the notion out of my mind that they were talking about Andrew and Fergie … my how time has marched on without me noticing)

Probably not. I’d have thought they’d chose their chef based on more than just some decent shortbread.

However, I wouldn’t put it by Camilla to soon launch a new range of Duchy …

Brian’s off to Paris

With Matt and Lilian.

That wasn’t Brian’s plan. It did sound like he was up to something, after all the effort he want to in persuading Jennifer that it’d be pointless her tagging alone.

My money was on him asking Ruth to accompany him but, let’s face it, I don’t think Brian would actually have been that fussy.

Anyhoo – he’s got no chance to dally with Lilian and Matt also on the trip. In fact, he can’t even relax in his room without Lilian stalking him (though to be fair, he did say he’d be down to dinner).

[Brian] “How to matt and Lilian manage to stick their beaks into everything?”

Just to keep annoying you, Brian …

Kenton’s being a twerp

After his chat with Kirsty yesterday, Kenton seems to have decided that the best way for him to deal with Jolene is to avoid and ignore.

He refuses a coffee.

Then cancels their night out at a gig, by telephone, during which he hung up very abruptly, before Jolene could say goodbye.

That’s simply spot on Kenton. Good job indeed. You have feelings for Jolene, you think that’s wrong, so – of course – the best thing to do is to be an arse to Jolene, and make her feel like crap.

That’s just what she needs – and is certainly what Matt wants …

Nice one Kenton. You’re a true friend indeed (!)

Eddie’s a Bonnie Tyler fan

Who’d have thunk it?

Nic’s decided that she and Will need to sort something out for Eddie’s impending 60th birthday, rather than assuming Clarrie will sort it.

[Nic] “Why does it always have to be up to her. Why can’t we do something … be nice if we could do the organising for a change”

Will agrees with Nic, and later comes up with the idea that Eddie would love a night at the races.

They even reckon that they could give Eddie money to gamble with, rather than giving him presents. Which Will is glad about, as he was running out of ideas:

[Will] “I can’t get him another Bonnie Tyler CD”

I’m off to ponder this new information that Eddie is a Bonnie Tyler fan …

Ruined packet of crisps

That Jake and Mia can’t be trusted with a prawn cocktail packet of crisps.

They ended up ruining them by spilling them all over the floor as they fought over them.

But all’s well. There was another box of them our back.


Poor Jolene

She’s not a daft one, is our Jolene.

Kenton suddenly blowing cold is all too obvious to Jolene – and she’s annoyed with herself for being so upset that Kenton’s cancelled their night out at the gig.

Trying to tell herself that it doesn’t matter, Nic catches her muttering away to herself.

[Nic] “I won't tell anyone, except myself”

(nice touch Nic).

So maybe Jolene also liked Kenton – maybe she didn’t, and is just gutted that a friend can treat her so badly.

Either way – Kenton, you are a twerp!

The Archers Fri 18th Feb 2011: Harry’s being stalked

  • Jazzer’s making some sense
  • Tom’s efforts go unnoticed
  • The Crown and Cushion at Penny Hasset comes Kenton recommended
  • Poor Roy
  • Kenton doth protest?

Jazzer’s making some sense

[Jazzer] “Have you learned nothing from me laddie? You never give your number to a lassie you’re no interested in … you give them one digit wrong, or you give them Mike’s number or Tom’s number or the number to the Chinese takeaway”

[Harry] “Some of us have a conscience, Jazzer”

I’m with Jazzer on this one. Harry should just face up to the lady (well, ladies) in question, and be honest.

Though I can see why he’s worried.

Harry’s had 20 texts from Tasha – and has been replying so not to seem to be rude – and now her mate Zoe’s getting in on the act. Zoe reckons that if he doesn’t want Tasha, she’d be happy to get it on with Flash Harry.

While Harry reckons it’s all Jazzer’s fault – this is actually one time it was utterly not of Jazzer’s doing.

Harry agreed to go on the date. Harry flirted with both ladies. Harry isn’t being straight with them by text.

Ignoring Jazzer’s suggestion that he tell them he’s too busy “worming the cat”, Harry doesn’t seem to have any decent ideas about how to cope with his multiple-but-unwanted-female-interest.

So Jazzer takes control of Harry’s mobile, and texts “Not interested. Have a nice life.” to them both.

Job done. Methinks.

I’m just glad Harry doesn’t have a rabbit.

Tom’s efforts go unnoticed

Pat and Tony are back from their rather wonderful holiday – but Kirsty reckons:

[Kirsty] “Tom was quite hurt. He was ever so proud to spot mastitis …”

But of course – one cannot compete with a recently born grandchild.

Wonder how long it’ll take Tom to try and inseminate Brenda, if that’s the only way to get a bit of glory.

The Crown and Cushion at Penny Hasset comes Kenton recommended

Good-o. I’m always on the look for a good pub with decent scran.

Poor Roy

First off, he has to suffer:

[Roy] “Another dose of Lynda going on about her special relationship with Royalty”

(by-the-by – Ian is being quite modest about his proper brush with Camilla)

Now he has to “face the dreaded Mrs Blisset” in order to beg for Phoebe’s time off of school to go to South Africa.

He’ll be getting it tight from Hayley for even having to broker the compromise.

And he’s having to do Elizabeth’s work for her (even though Grey Gables is her client).

Ach well.

Could be worse.

He could be related to Vicky.

Oh, hang on …

Kenton doth protest?

Spotting that Kenton has yet again been out with Jolene, Kirsty reckons there’s more to their friendship that Kenton will admit:

[Kirsty] “It’s not occasionally though. It’s a heck of a lot … come on … just good friends, we all know what that means.”

[Kenton] “You may live your life by the headlines in the celebrity magazines … in the real world, just good friends means just that”

Which would be fine, and understandable, if Kenton hadn’t gone on to say:

[Kenton] “The idea that I’m hitting on her when Sid hasn’t been dead even a year … it’d be totally wrong. Totally inappropriate. I’m totally shocked that you’d even say that. Totally inappropriate.”

Aha! There it is then. Kenton wants to. But knows it’s a tad dodgy.

Problem is, I’m not sure how much ,more I can stomach of Kenton and Jolene not being Kenton and Jolene.

Time to make or stop?

The Archers Thurs 17th Feb 2011: Pip’s 18th

  • Cars rather than brothers
  • What colour Usha. WHAT COLOUR????
  • Usha’s book club
  • He who shall not be named
  • Elizabeth has some self-awareness
  • The 18th that wasn’t really much ado

Cars rather than brothers

Well chuffed with her new car (especially with its new car smell), Pip offers to take Josh and Ben to school.

And promises to be careful:

[Pip] “I will be … especially as it’s my car”

That’s right Pip. Priorities perfectly aligned.

Still wondering what type of car it is though …

What colour Usha. WHAT COLOUR????

There’s too much teasing going on from Ambridge residents these days.

They won’t tell us what car Pip has got.

And Usha seemingly has inside knowledge about what the ‘in’ colour is this season, but didn’t say what it is.

We can’t see you, by the way folks.

Usha’s book club

Will this be the new savour for book sales, taking the mantle from Richard & Judy?

[Usha] “It’s just want the cultural landscape in Ambridge needs”


Maybe not,

He who shall not be named

But Pip did.

Spotting that Elizabeth wasn’t exactly the life and soul, Pip thanked Elizabeth for her support during the whole … *spit* … Jude … *spit* … saga. …

I just had a horrible thought.

You don’t think He will return one day?

Elizabeth has some self-awareness

At last – Elizabeth mentions that she is making things difficult at Brookfield.

But, she didn’t mention that she was going to cease doing so.

Ah – completely self-obsessed. That’s more like our Elizabeth.

And not to forget the fact that times are still very tough for her (and will continue to be so for a fair while).

[Pip] “It must be so hard to have to pin a smile on and be happy”

[Elizabeth] “Just enjoy it. Enjoy it while you can”

Hmmm. There’s a cheery thought for an 18th!

The 18th that wasn’t really much ado

So Pip’s now legal, but her birthday wasn’t really up to much for an 18th.

Ach well. Pip seemed quietly satisfied.

She got a car. A nodding cow for the car (from Freddie and Lily). And some jewellery.

Plus she had a nice tea with her family.

Which is nothing to be sniffed at, considering it involved Jill’s pavlova.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

The Archers Wed 16th Feb 2011: Royalty comes to Ambridge

  • “Such an exciting day for us all”
  • Do Susan and Clarrie write for Heat?
  • Correction fluid?
  • Susan and Clarrie chat to Camilla
  • Poor old Lyndee, stuck in the lavatory
  • Ah – that explains Lord Netherborne
  • Too slow for Charles?
  • So – she laughed, and liked the shortbread
  • I refuse to even comment on Kenton and Jolene anymore
  • Camilla should have stopped
  • “Has anyone seen Oliver?”

“Such an exciting day for us all”

So says Lynda. But, I must admit, she doesn’t quite speak for me.

I wish no harm on the Royals, but am not particularly excited about them or their doings.

My only joy out of this particular Royal visit is the classic Lyndee moments it has helped nurture.

But ho-hum. Well done Camilla. I suppose if anything, there might be a bit of a flurry of donations and support for osteoporosis.

Do Susan and Clarrie write for Heat?

Arriving early to bag a good place to watch Camilla go by, Clarrie and Susan then go off into a ‘she’s thin, she’s fat’ commentary.

Almost like the ‘eeek! How horribly thin is she’, followed a week later with a ‘eeeek! How horribly fat is she’ in Heat magazine.

Anyhoo. The woman from the telly is too thin (and looks frozen) whereas Helen:

[Susan] “Helen looks the better for carrying more weight since she had the baby”

Correction fluid?

What is this outbreak of rudery (Jazzer re mantelpieces the other day) and *snort* suggestions?

Was that really correction fluid on Lynda’s jacket?

I hope so. The alternative is too awful to contemplate.

Susan and Clarrie chat to Camilla

After much cheering, flag waving and Susan reckoning Camilla looked in her direction – Clarrie and Susan then get to actually speak to Camilla!

Actually, they even shook her hand!!!

My. Giddy. Aunt.

And wasn’t Lynda overjoyed for them …

Poor old Lyndee, stuck in the lavatory

[Lynda] “You? The Duchess spoke to you? I’m afraid I was elsewhere when the Duchess came through reception … I was infact in the ladies when the Duchess arrived … it was a bitter blow, I’m afraid … I’m afraid I’ve missed my moment”

Ah – that explains Lord Netherborne

His osteoporosis gave Caroline and Camilla something to chat about.

[Camilla] “Poor man. Not many people realise that man are affected by it as well as women,. Is he in a lot of pain?”

And poor chap for having to have a fall just so Caroline could make small talk to Royalty.

Too slow for Charles?

[Caroline – still talking about Lord Netherborne] “His recovery is quite slow … to slow for him anyway

[Camilla] “I know the feeling …”

Did I hear that right?

Could that have been a comment on Camilla being impatient about Charles’ lack of crown?

Surely not?

So – she laughed, and liked the shortbread

Camilla did seem a nice sort, and was very nice to Ambridge’s nicest resident – Mr Ian Craig.

What was Ian’s problem with meeting Camilla, after she had especially asked for him?

Just nerves?

[Caroline] “She’s lovely. It’s just like talking to anyone else”

Caroline manages to persuade him to say help, which he does. Even though it was a tad excruciating hearing Ian bow so low that he must have scraped his forehead on the floor.

Still – Camilla did make a very apt comment when asking Ian how he wound up in Ambridge:

[Camilla] “Ambridge got its hooks into you … I imagine that happens to a lot of people”

Indeed Camilla. If only you know how very true that is for some of us. There’s a whole gaggle of Ambridge-widowers out there.

I refuse to even comment on Kenton and Jolene anymore

I can’t actually not – but must be firm that it annoys me that I have to.

I am hereby deciding that Jolene and Kenton are not going to get it on – and that I will not play along with the ‘will they, won’t they’ shenanigans.

Well … at least until they actually get interesting again .

Camilla should have stopped

Lynda is beyond consolation at missing her moment with Royalty:

[Lynda] “What have I got to look forward to? A bike ride home in the cold and dark followed by the parish council meeting”

And then her chain falls off.

But what’s this?

The sound of a car.

It slows down.

Lynda exclaims: “Oh! Your Royal Highness”

And then …

… the car carries on.

So Camilla sees Lynda struggling (in the cold and dark) with her bike, but doesn’t instruct her driver to give her some help.

I think that’s rather rude.

I’d have stopped. And I don’t even have a driver to do all the ,mucky work.

Still – mustn’t grumble – as Lynda was delighted.

[Lynda] “… I got the most charming wave and smile in return”

Her bubble can’t even be burst by Kenton and Jolene pointing out that she has oil on her face,

[Lynda] “Oh anyway. What does it matter. My own personal wave. There’s no-one else in Ambridge who can claim that!”

That’s kinda sweet, I suppose.

“Has anyone seen Oliver?”

Asks Caroline.

He was seemingly around yesterday, and is in the kitchen today, but we haven’t heard from him for many a month.

Suspicious …

The Archers Tues 15th Feb 2011: Helen’s in a flap

  • Roy has to go and see the head
  • Will The Queen be upset about Ambridge Post Office closing?
  • Vicky has a friend called Alice
  • Here we go with Helen …
  • How can one have lambs coming out of one’s ears, David?
  • A use for Susan!
  • It’s all bull
  • The oddness of Lynda

Roy has to go and see the head

He and Hayley have decided that Phoebe should finish school a week earlier so that she can experience flying with Kate first, before she then has to do the return trip by herself.

However, I doubt we’ve heard the last of this.

[Roy] “Hayley’s not happy about any of it”

Will The Queen be upset about Ambridge Post Office closing?

Helen’s not interested in seeing The Duchess, but Susan is so excited that she’s actually shutting the Post Office.

Read that again.


Is shutting.

The Post Office.


But it’s okay. Susan reckons Camilla’s mother-in-law won’t be too worried.

Vicky has a friend called Alice

Have we heard about her before? I didn’t think Vicky had any friends.

Who the flump is Alice?

Here we go with Helen …

I’m a bit confused.

On the one hand, Helen has changed to the point where she can leave Henry alone in the flat while she pops down to the shop (actually – I don’t think she should have done that …), but then she exhibits perfect signs of being a tad weird.

As she was talking to Susan about Jazzer being in a grump about the sham that was his double date last night:

[Helen] “Ah. It sounded ghastly. Thank goodness I’m not part of that scene anymore. I’ve got the only man I want in my life upstairs”

Yikes! Psycho mum …

That Harry is a happy and quiet wee chap either means he is just that – happy – or that Helen is, behind the scenes, terrifying him with severe overprotective love into peaceful submission.

Time shall tell on this one, I reckon.

How can one have lambs coming out of one’s ears, David?

I’m no sheep farmer, but it sounds to me like Brookfield has a decidedly odd way of lambing.

A use for Susan!

Helen runs into the shop, just as Susan is getting ready to go home, in an utter panic.

Wee Henry has “an awful, awful rash”.

With Pat and Tony being on holiday, Helen doesn’t know who else to turn to.

And lucky Susan was there. She was able to calm Helen, and work out that Henry only had milk spots. Which are quite common (so I understand).

Panic over, Susan’s done a good deed and Helen has now learned how to read her baby advice books.

It’s all bull

Oh boy, is Ruth furious.

Once again – after promising that everything would settle down – David now decides that he needs to drive to Scotland to safely deliver General (the Bull) to his new home.

And he wants to do it over two nights. Which would mean missing Pip’s 18th birthday morning.

David’s point is that General was one of Nigel’s favourites, so he wants to be sure that Elizabeth knows he’s being taken care of properly.

Ruth’s point is that David is once again putting Elizabeth before his wife and kids… and lambs.

[Ruth] “Understand? I’ve been doing nothing but! …No David. Absolutely not … you seriously mean you’re not even going to be here for your daughter’s 18th birthday …You promised you’d be here”

[David] “I’ve promised to deliver the bull”

But – David has also promised to sort out (and hide) Pip’s car, help with the lambing, be around more often etc etc etc

[David] “I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone”

[Ruth] “Well you’re not doing what’s best for you”

David is also seemingly not sleeping well due to stress, so Ruth’s as much angry at him as she is worried.

His claim that this all “won’t be for much longer” has been said many times before, and is becoming increasingly hollow.

Despite David changing his trip to Scotland to next week – Ruth is still unhappy. It still means less help on-hand during lambing, and that David is once again looking after Elizabeth’s interests first.

She really didn’t sound like she wanted that hug from David …

The oddness of Lynda

[Roy] “I just had the most bizarre conversation with Lynda … I’ve already got Vicky wanting me to ask the Duchess if she’s excited about the wedding … now Lynda’s told me that if I get to speak to her, I’ve got to tell her about this amazing coincidence which is that Nolly and one of her grandchildren were born three days apart … Nolly’s like about 7 years older”

Roy’s confusion is that he doesn’t really see Nolly as his relation, and that this ‘coincidence’ isn’t really much of a coincidence.

Lynda odd behaviour is making Caroline regret allowing Lynda to work on the Camilla shift:

[Caroline] “ … and if I catch Lynda anywhere but behind that reception desk tomorrow …”

[Roy] “You don’t think she’s going to try and smuggle herself into the tea?”

[Caroline] “I only hope we can keep her under control …”

The Archers Mon 14th Feb 2011: Harry and Jazzer double date

  • At least David and Ruth have low expectations of each other
  • Kate’s boxed Hayley and Roy
  • Nigel’s romantic gestures
  • Pre-double date
  • During double date
  • David’s so rubbish, Ruth chased the florist away

At least David and Ruth have low expectations of each other

Which is good, as it means no-one was upset that they only got a card from the other.

In fact, they were both quite delighted.

Kate’s boxed Hayley and Roy

Or so reckons Hayley.

Her and Roy have no choice but to let Phoebe go to South Africa (as she really, really, wants to go – plus it is an amazing chance for her) – which means Phoebe either misses school, or has to fly by herself.

Bloomin’ Kate and her bloomin’ promises.

So Hayley and Roy are now shouting at each other about which is the worst option.

[Hayley] “If he thinks I can stand there and watch Phoebe disappear off through security with someone she’s never met … and have to hope Kate remembers to pick her up the other end …”

(Hayley put a big emphasis on ‘hope’)

Nigel’s romantic gestures

It is indeed a bit of a quiet Valentine’s day in Ambridge without Nigel.

Poor Elizabeth. Instead of harpists, she takes flowers to his grave.

That’s sad. Very sad indeed.

Pre-double date

The postie hasn’t been yet, but Jazzer already reckons he’s a winner, with 4 texts to Harry’s zero.

Not that Harry’s actually cares (or so he says …)

Harry’s a bit shocked that they’re not dining their ladies – it’s a pub, then a club. they can get a chippie or a kebab if they’re hungry, and that food is just “killing time” before they can get the ladies back to the flat.

But Harry is also shocked at the very idea of the ladies coming home.

[Jazzer] “If you’re so shocked at the idea of taking the girls back to our place, how come you changed your sheets?”

Harry’s answer was that they needed to be changed anyway. Which I’d be suspect of with anyone else – but Harry, I can believe.

Whereas it would never even occur to Jazzer that sheets need changing:

[Jazzer] “What for? They’d only get all sweaty and tangled up anyway”

During double date

Not a great start.

Tasha isn’t Tasha.

Harry made a mistake, and spotted the wrong girl when he went to scope out Tasha.

Which isn’t good. As the real Tasha doesn’t seem to be much of a looker.

[Jazzer] “You don’t have to look at the mantelpiece when you poke the fire …”

(my word Jazzer – such blunt rudery in Ambridge! Well, I never).

But what’s this?

Zoe (Jazzer’s date) actually fancies Harry.

Leaving Jazzer with nae burd at all – unless he wants to lower his standards and have a go with Tasha

(poor Tasha – I’d have thought at least Harry would have been de cent enough to look beyond the surface. Maybe he is more of a normal man than I’ve given him credit for)

But Jazzer throws all of his toys out of his pram – and tries to get Harry to join him in running away while the girls are in the toilet. Which Harry won’t do. As that would be rude.

[Jazzer] “Have both of them if you’re man enough … just don’t keep me awake with the heid board banging”

I somehow don’t think that will be happening …

David’s so rubbish, Ruth chased the florist away


David had organised flowers for Ruth – but she was so sure (and used) to him not even thinking about her, that she tried to tell him to go elsewhere.

Ah well. All’s well.

Ruth’s chuffed.

Even to the point that she seemed to suggest she wanted carnal knowledge of her hubby in the lambing shed.


The Archers Sun 13th Feb 2011: Two Feet isn’t enough for Lynda

  • Nigel’s racing mice
  • Classic ghost stories aren’t appropriate
  • Will no-one think of Eileen Titcombe?
  • Royalty and a gluten free lady
  • Do Royalty use the toilet?
  • “I can’t settle to anything”
  • Have we forgotten Phil already?
  • Lynda glazes Ian
  • Oliver lives!
  • Enough already, Kenton and Jolene

Nigel’s racing mice

Kenton is proving to be quite a responsible and nice chap these days – well, at least when it comes to his niece and nephew.

He’s taken Lily and Freddie to the Science Museum today. Although they didn’t want to stay long (they do worry about mummy), but Kenton did have time to tell them of some happy memories about their father.

Kenton told them about Nigel’s racing mice.

[Kenton] “He even got Shula knitting them little racing jerseys …”

Freddie was quite tickled to realise that this wasn’t a childhood hobby – it was his dad in his thirties.

Ah Nigel. You did make us giggle.

Classic ghost stories aren’t appropriate

According to Elizabeth.

She seems to be quite annoyed that Lily is engrossed in a book – and thinks she shouldn't be reading it because it’s a ghost story. Even though Kenton reckons it’s a classic.

What’s wrong? The book itself (which we didn’t get to hear the title of), or that Lily is engrossed?

Will no-one think of Eileen Titcombe?

According to Elizabeth, one of the results of Lily having her head in a book is her not keeping her bedroom today.

Which just simply isn’t fair on Eileen and her vacuum.


(though “vacuum” shows Elizabeth’s class – it’s most definitely a hoover in ma hoose!)

Royalty and a gluten free lady

Phew! Ian is going to have his work cut out for him.

And doesn’t he sound nervous.

Do Royalty use the toilet?

Lynda certainly seems to think so, and she’d be one I’d trust to know.

[Lynda] “Have you given any thought to the cloakroom arrangements?”

For goodness sake woman! Not content with forcing your way back onto shift, you now want to go to the toilet with Camilla.

Enough already. You’ll only embarrass yourself.

“I can’t settle to anything”

With the kids off to the Science Museum, Elizabeth has time to think.

Which isn’t comfortable for her at all.

[Jill] “Darling, it is how it is, I’m afraid, You're going to feel like that for a good while yet … it’s when there’s nothing to do and you’re by yourself. You start thinking.”

Have we forgotten Phil already?

Not quite, as the year anniversary of his death was on a non-eavesdropping day.

Quite startling to compare Nigel’s horrific to Phil’s rather gently fitting death.

But then again, Phil wouldn’t have been daft enough to have gone up on that roof.

Playing the piano to pigs was more his style.

Lynda glazes Ian

Lynda just isn’t going to give up on her dreams of a close brush with Camilla.
Being caught by Ian practising the moment she is introduced to Camilla:

[Lynda] “On wants to have a few conversational gambits to the ready … I have discovered the most similarities between her life and mine”

Seemingly Lynda reckons they will be bosom buddies are they are both grandmothers, and have a grandchild born in October.

Lynda seems to have missed the point that she isn’t actually due to be introduced during the Royal visit.

[Caroline] “You've got that glazed look Ian. What’s she been saying?”

[Ian] “Something about babies and being presented to the Duchess …”

[Caroline] “What? She’s not satisfied with being on the desk. She’s trying to gate-crash the tea now!”

Oliver lives!

Hurrah! He has been spotted tasting Ian’s samples of the food he’ll cook for Camilla.

Phew. I was about to head round to dig up Caroline’s patio.

Must say that he is being a tad useless. Didn’t he hand over the reins to Ed so that he could be of more use to Caroline at Grey Gables?

Enough already, Kenton and Jolene

[Kenton] “We’ll have to get together after the event and compare notes”

Kenton’s checking when Jolene’s has her days off, so that they can get together again to see how they did during Valentine’s.

[Kenton] “See who did best at fleecing the gullible romantics of Borchester”

Fair enough. They’re in the same trade. They’re both having Valentine’s themed evenings. And they have time on their hands.

One should never assume that just because two folks are single and spending time together that they’re being, or heading towards being, ‘intimate’ – but surely these two are making enough hints collectively for one of them to do something about it?

I reckon they would make a grand couple.

Even though Kenton would – yet again – be under the shadow of Saint Sid.

The Archers Fri 11th Feb 2011: Matt makes his move

  • It’s the Graham Ryder meeting
  • Lewis has bronchitis
  • Jill’s “honey lyptus might just be the thing”
  • Pip’s car is red
  • Harry has a pulse!
  • Matt has a point about The Bull
  • Bert’s holding the hurdle, Ruth’s tying it

It’s the Graham Ryder meeting

Which David comes back from in a very chirpy mood.

Not sure if it will actually make any real difference to Ruth.

While she doesn’t get her afternoon nap, David gets to fall asleep while he’s later opening the wine.


Lewis has bronchitis

Poor chap.

That might also cause a few more headaches for Elizabeth and the rest of Lower Loxley.

But never fear. Jill is on her way with chicken and ‘other goodies’ …

Jill’s “honey lyptus might just be the thing”

Steady on there!

Pip’s car is red

That’s all Ruth can mind on about the car Kenton’s chosen for her.

David has to be arm wrestled into making Kenton find Pip a car for her birthday, that Ruth can’t even remember the make of.

Nice parents. Lucky Pip will be turning 18, so doesn’t have to utterly depend on them.

Should we be sending a food parcel over to Ben and Josh?

Harry has a pulse!

And then even a pint of Shires.

Who’d have thunk it. At least he’s not an utter lamppost …

Jazzer has decided Harry needs to come on a double date with him, as he’s after a lassie who insists on taking her friend with her.

So Harry has agreed, even though he reckons double dates are a

[Harry] “ … recipe for disaster … Jazz has an answer for everything”

(‘Jazz’? Sounds like a term of endearment to me.)

Harry has scoped out his date (he had a quick look at her while she was working, in a café, on Wednesday), and:

[Harry] “She was really attractive … I’m looking forward to meeting her … I get to go out with a pretty girl, Jazzer wants to line up his next conquest”

Surely this can’t go at all well for anyone involved?!?

Matt has a point about The Bull

Matt’s making his move on Jolene.

[Matt] “I’ve noticed you’ve been worried about the pub …(I asked a mate that) if this pub were ever to come up for sale, what would be the chances of developing it for residential purposes … and it’s very good news for you …”

It would seem The Bull could easily be turned into flats, and the car park into muse cottages.

And clever old Matt – he even manages to make out that Jolene would be doing a good thing for Ambridge if she sold up and The Bull became flats. He reckons that Ambridge has a shortage of housing.

[Matt] “People get very upset, but when a pub business becomes unviable, it doesn’t have to be a total loss to the community”

So – Jolene would actually be helping the community.

And it sounded like she bought into Matt’s pitch. She even checked Matt would be interested in buying.

[Jolene] “But I wouldn’t want anything getting out. Not til I’ve made up my mind”

Course, Matt’s lips are well and truly sealed. He needs Jolene to be kept from harassment so that she concentrates on what’s best for her.

And actually – Matt’s right (though quote devious).

If The Bull is so important to Ambridge residents, why is it so quiet? Would it actually be missed if hardly anyone is in there these days?

[Jolene] “Maybe the village pub has had its day”

[Harry] “Just remember you’re the heart and soul of this community .. .as soon as the weather warms up back in droves … trust me, I’m a milkman”

Eh? When were milkmen ever trustworthy?!?

And, name me one time since Sid died that Jolene has been anything but a moping misery, bringing down the entire spirit of The Bull?

What is Harry on about? Does he have some sort of vested interest in The Bull?

Bert’s holding the hurdle, Ruth’s tying it

(which is all something to do with lambing, my fellow non-agricultural eavesdroppers)

Ah – nice to have the dulcet tones of Bert back in Ambridge.

His back must be better, and in good time too for the lambing.

While some may say that it was Bert who put David to sleep before he could open his wine, I was riveted by the sheer wealth of information I learned from Bert about Gloucester Cows.

They are dual purpose (good for milk, good for beef).

Were triple purpose back in the day:

[Bert] “used them as draught animals in the olden days”

(which doesn’t mean that they were used to keep rooms toasty – it means they pulled stuff. I only know because I looked it up …)

And, the first smallpox vaccine came from a Gloucester cow.

Excellent. That’s a classic Archers moment, thank you very much Mr Fry.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

The Archers Thurs 10th Feb 2011: Mole!

  • Ruth missed her window
  • Now there’s a surprise … Kate asking for Brian’s money
  • New mart by Christmas
  • An untidy Helen worries Clarrie
  • Bridge Farm to Shut!
  • Robotic Milkers
  • Nae luck Brian – a Prozac free Paris
  • “Roy’s a freak, he was born middle aged”
  • Will Tony find a sense of humour?

Ruth missed her window

Jennifer’s worried about how tired Ruth looks, but Brian’s saying he now hasn’t got time to help out at Brookfield (what with the Mart marching ahead).

Ah well Ruth. You never know. Jennifer might push Brian to you yet.

Now there’s a surprise … Kate asking for Brian’s money

Pretending to Jennifer and Brian that Roy and Hayley are fairly fine with Phoebe’s trip to South Africa, Kate then hits Brian with a polite request that he pays for Phoebe’s fare.

Oh I didn’t see that one coming …

New mart by Christmas

It’s not been the most scintillating of Ambridge happenings – but the Mart is, by Brian’s reckoning, going to be ready for Christmas.

[Brian] “You know me Jenny, if anything’s worth doing it’s worth doing yesterday”

(and excuse me while I go rest in a dark room. Mention of Christmas in February. Ugh!)

An untidy Helen worries Clarrie

Clarrie didn’t quite know how to say what she wanted to say to Pat about Helen – but it came out as “it don’t be like it used to be” (or something similar).


Clarrie was worried that Helen’s flat is no longer pristine, but Pat reckons it’s healthier. It shows that Helen finally has a life! (albeit through her baby)

Bridge Farm to Shut!

For a whole afternoon.

Steady on Pat!

With Clarrie disappointed that she couldn’t get the afternoon off – Vicky unavailable – Tom covering for Pat and Tony while they’re away to Salzburg – and Helen busy with Henry, Pat has made an executive decision to shut down.

And all because Clarrie wants her glimpse of Royalty.

Which is fair enough I suppose. Clarrie has few moments of glamour and glitter in her life.

Robotic Milkers

That’s quite enough of Debbie’s personal life, thank you very much!

Nae luck Brian – a Prozac free Paris

Lilian and Matt have somehow found out about Brian’s trip to Paris, and have decided to go as well.

Brian’s making out that he’s annoyed the Borchester Land seems to have a mole, but I reckon he’s more perturbed that he managed to persuade Jennifer not to accompany him, but now he’s got her sister.

“Roy’s a freak, he was born middle aged”

Well, I bet Roy’s also hasn’t got anything nice to say about you Kate!

What a female dog she is.

[Kate] “Honestly, what did I ever see in Roy Tucker?”

[Kate] “He’s jealous of the relationship I have with Phoebe …”

Does Kate not possess any self-awareness?

Jennifer tries to tell Kate that she isn’t being entirely fair on Roy and Hayley, but, in the same breath, agrees that Phoebe should go on this trip.

Kate’s big plan is to let Phoebe travel over by herself, so that she doesn’t miss school.

Phoebe would have a chaperone on the plane, but Roy isn’t having any of it.

Must admit I think Kate has a point that it’d be an amazing holiday for Phoebe – and really, how much can go wrong just on the plane? – but she’s obviously gone about this whole thing the wrong way.

I’m predicting this again – Phoebe ain’t coming back …

Will Tony find a sense of humour?

I doubt it.

Kathy’s got him one of those brain-training-DS thingys for the over 60s.

Pat thinks he’ll like it, but Kathy’s now wondering if it’ll just make things worse with Tony.

Never mind. Run off with Pat and leave him to his yard tractor.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

The Archers Wed 9th Feb 2011: Pat and Kathy were just on a break

  • Slow day …
  • Some more folks met Henry
  • Brian asked about Jamie
  • Susan’s planning lunch with Brian
  • Helen hasn’t done the dishes
  • You can wave at royalty
  • Lilian thinks it is fine to miss school
  • Vicky is “very full of the Royal visit”
  • Lilian reckons it was Matt who sorted the Mart
  • It must be love!

Slow day

So I shall be able to keep this brief and snappy (well, there's not a lot to say!)

Some more folks met Henry

Including Brian. Susan reckons a lot of calls to the shop are now an excuse to go and see Henry.

Brian asked about Jamie

Which was nearly a moment – but Kathy just said he was fine.

Susan’s planning lunch with Brian

At the yet to be built Mart.

Helen hasn’t done the dishes

As she’s busy with her new baby Henry

You can wave at royalty

Which Susan seemed surprised about

Lilian thinks it is fine to miss school

Whereas Brian is annoyed with Kate for planning a trip to South Africa with Phoebe, without talking to Roy and Hayley

(by-the-by Lilian – you are nothing like Kate, my darling gin!)

Vicky is “very full of the Royal visit”

According to Susan, while warning Pat that Vicky might try and get time off of work.

Lilian reckons it was Matt who sorted the Mart

And got it through Planning.

Brian begs to differ,

It must be love!

[Kathy] “Pat, I thought it might be best … I have been coming over far too often”

[Pat] “We’ve had our little break, now can we get back to normal”


Pat and Kathy get back together, regardless of how much Tony is going to hump and puff about it.

The Archers Tues 8th Feb 2011: Lynda breaks her sniff record

  • Ruth knows she’s a farmer
  • You need to be fresh, not frazzled, for lambing
  • “I’m not one to complain, Roy …”
  • The first ‘shut up Kate!’ of 2011
  • “I’m not one to make a song and dance about status …”
  • Uh-oh – Lewis has a cough
  • Who is Graham Ryder?

Ruth knows she’s a farmer


That’s a good start, I reckon

You need to be fresh, not frazzled, for lambing

Usha’s popped over to see Ruth, only to find she can’t stop for coffee and is rather stressed.

Ruth hasn’t had a break in 5 weeks, and was astonished to find out from David that Elizabeth had managed to persuade the trustees that she didn’t need a professional manager to be brought in.

While Ruth says she understands that David wants to support Elizabeth, she also needs some support from David herself before she collapses.

[Ruth] “I feel so mean going on like this. What are my problems compared to what Elizabeth is going through?”

Usha does manage to get Ruth to stop for a coffee, and gives Ruth her

[Usha] “You’re not on your own remedy”

Which basically means giving Ruth space to relax and have a friendly ear.

“I’m not one to complain, Roy …”

[Lynda] “I’m not one to complain Roy, you know that, but I do feel I’ve been rather shabbily treated in all this … I’m supposed to be senior receptionist here … so I’m rather concerned I wasn’t given advance notice of next week’s special visit”

[Roy] “It wasn’t possible, for security reasons”

[Lynda] “I’m, very disappointed I must say”

[Roy] “I presume this about you not being on duty that afternoon”

[Lynda] “Quite”

Lynda is very (very) sniffy about not knowing about Camilla’s visit, which has led to her not being on the rota.

And now no-one will swap their shift with her.

To make matters worse, Caroline actually suggested to Lynda that she could simply stand at the gate of Grey Gables with the “rest of the village”.

Oh dear. Did Lynda not appreciate the very idea that she’d have to be one of the great unwashed!

[Lynda] “I won’t be doing that … well, really!”

Lynda continues – appalled that her being in charge of the rotas really doesn’t mean that at all. She’s not allowed to change them in this instance, so that means she’s really not in charge at all.

Dear me. Lynda is in full toddler tantrum mode today. Lots and lots of sniffing.

The first ‘shut up Kate!’ of 2011

Interrupting Roy’s ‘chat’ with Lynda (which I suspect he was actually quite glad about), Kate’s on one. Again.

[Kate] “I’m getting really fed up of Hayley calling me up and implying that I’m a bad mother”

[Roy] “Why do you think that is?”

[Kate] “ … because I’m taking Phoebe on the trip of her life, because I’m enriching her life with a new culture and new relationships”

[Roy] “No, because you won’t think things through before you make rash promises … what’s so difficult about talking to use first? We could avoid all these traumas …”

[Kate] “What don’t you trying thinking of Phoebe for a change!”

(big pause while Roy gathered his anger – I was right there with him!)

[Roy] “Meaning what, exactly!?!?!”

Kate was stupid enough to try and make out that Hayley and Roy only cared about her missing some school – and that they should be thinking about the horrific time she’s had as Lily and Freddie’s pal (really? I didn’t know they were so close).

As Roy pointed out, Hayley’s been spending a lot of time looking after and helping Lily and Freddie, as well as Phoebe.

So it was a bad argument for Kate to pick.

Not to be outdone, Kate then picks on Roy not wanting to pay for Phoebe’s trip. Which he didn’t say, but cost is obviously an issue – especially as neither Roy nor Hayley seem to be that well off.

As Roy tells Kate to leave, she tells him that they won’t have to pay a penny.


Either Brian’s going to have to pay, or Kate will yet again break another promise to Phoebe, but will blame Roy and Hayley.

Is it too late to turn Kate back into a silent character?

“I’m not one to make a song and dance about status …”

Robert has taken Lynda to The Bull for one of Freda’s pies, and to get away from the stress at Grey Gables.

[Lynda] “I’m just feeling undervalued … you know me Robert, I’m not one to make a song and dance about status …”

[Robert] “You’re the last one, I’d say”

Ah bless Robert, and his Lynda coloured spectacles.

Robert then has a moment of sheer brilliance in its simplicity.

Instead of trying to swap a shift, surely Grey Gables needs to increase their staffing on “an important occasion like this”

[Lynda] “Oh Robert, I’ve said this before, but you really are a genius!”

And so it came to pass. Lynda told a sniggering Roy, and a slightly bemused Caroline, of her plan – and that she would “step into the breach” without pay.

Caroline tells her she will be paid, but one does wonder if she ever regrets hiring Lyndee in the first place …

Uh-oh – Lewis has a cough

Well, quite a “horrid” one, according to Caroline.

With things slightly slipping at Lower Loxley (Roy will have to organise most of a forthcoming event Grey Gables is holding there), Lewis having to go off sick really would be disaster.

I see Ruth ever inching further towards Brian’s arms …

Who is Graham Ryder?

Seriously – anyone know?

It would seem he’s Ruth and David’s last hope of a normal life – the last chance they have of Elizabeth seeing sense and bringing in a manager.

Who he???

Monday, 7 February 2011

The Archers Mon 7th Feb 2011: Kate speaks *sigh*

  • Nigel wasn’t a fan of the cull
  • Kate’s silence hasn’t brought her wisdom
  • Elizabeth’s not for turning
  • Ellie Collins is a total turnip
  • Is Hayley happy?

Nigel wasn’t a fan of the cull

It’s Trustee meeting time, and Stephen Maitland is first to wade in.

He seems like a really nice chap, but immediately singles out the rare breeds as a ‘drain’ on Lower Loxley.

[Elizabeth] “Nigel got very attached to the animals, he didn’t like letting anything go, especially anything born here”

But not to worry. David’s there (as per, rather than at Brookfield) to sort all out.

The rare breeds are to be cut by a third.

Ah. Nigel would weep.

Kate’s silence hasn’t brought her wisdom

She’s been back for a bit, but has so far kept herself away from the secret microphones.

But it couldn’t last.

And of course, Kate’s first act is to promise Phoebe without talking to Roy and Hayley first.

(Kate’s talking about seeing her kids on Skype, and missing her)

[Phoebe] “You’ve got me now”

[Kate] “Yes, it’s a pity I can’t have all three of you at once”

[Phoebe] “You could … I could come back with you at Easter … come on … you promised!”

And, of course, Kate says ‘yes’.

What’s more, Kate even managed to promised Phoebe that everyone else would pay for her:

[Kate] “I’m sure your dad and Hayley will help out … and your gran and granddad”

Hayley is going to be so pleased …

Elizabeth’s not for turning

Despite doing his best to keep bringing the conversation back to the sense in Elizabeth bringing in a professional manager, Stephen Maitland doesn’t seem to be winning her over.

[Stephen] “You can have good people, but you still need good leadership … keep the whole thing running smoothly can’t be easy … you’d benefit from having the support of a manager”

[Elizabeth] “Not worth taking the risk … not when I can do it the way that Nigel would want it done”

And Elizabeth wins through. The Trustees leave happy, and Elizabeth gets her way.

No professional manager.

She proudly tells David that they managed to win through – completely missing the fact that David actually wanted a manager to be brought in.

So who will David be brave enough to disappoint?

Elizabeth, in her hour of need.

Or Ruth. In her life of need …

Ellie Collins is a total turnip

So says Phoebe.

Is Hayley happy?

No she’s not.

Phoebe bursts in to tell Hayley about her wonderful plans to go to South Africa at Easter.

Hayley shocked. Then confused. Then furious.

[Phoebe] “You’re just trying to find problems …Why can’t you just be pleased for me. Kate wants me to go. So I am going. At Easter. And you better get used to it. And there’s no way you or Roy are going to stop me.”

[Hayley] “Thanks a lot Kate.”

And here we go. Again.

The Archers Sun 6th Feb 2011: Ruth needs someone …

  • Now David is ignoring Pip’s birthday present
  • “I don’t want anyone else sitting in Daddy’s chair”
  • Is that a Sparrowhawk or a Kestrel?
  • Fox poisoned or shot?
  • Was Elizabeth aware of the bull riding?
  • How long will Ruth go on?

Now David is ignoring Pip’s birthday present

Ever loyal to her dad, I don’t think Pip would mind if he didn’t get her birthday present. Even though it is a car.

But Ruth isn’t letting it go. She’s pushing David to do as he promised and find Pip a car.

[David] “And I will, but not this morning, okay”

[Ruth] “No … I’m not having you ignoring that, along with everything else”

[David] “I’ll do it this evening”

[David] “No … just for once, can you give priority to your own family”

[David] “Ruth, you know what I am having to do”

[Ruth] “Yes, and I fully support it, but not at the expense of your OWN CHILDREN”

[David] “I’d never do that”

But you kinda are, aren’t you David?

Ruth’s making a big deal about Pip’s birthday because Pip’s been doing so much to keep the farm going in David’s absence. So Ruth wants to show her that they’re just as committed to her, as she is to Brookfield.

But there’s more to it than just rewarding Pip. Ruth really isn’t a happy bunny.

She’s even starting to blame Elizabeth for not realising the stress she’s putting David to.

But David need not worry his head about Pip’s present.

[Kenton] “Leave it with me squire, honest Kenton will see you right”

“I don’t want anyone else sitting in Daddy’s chair”

So says Lily.

Having a chat about the Trustees Meeting tomorrow, while wandering through the countryside, Kenton’s trying to reassure Freddie and Lily (and Elizabeth) that the Trustees are there to help Elizabeth. Not kick them out, or replace Nigel.

How scary must it be having other folks have such a huge say in your life?

Comes with being Landed Gentry, one supposes.

Is that a Sparrowhawk or a Kestrel?

A Kestrel. So poor Kenton was wrong (bless him for trying to be au natural!).

Fox poisoned or shot?

[Lily] “On the outside he looked really beautiful, but underneath he was all rotten”

There’s no sign of any wound, so it could have been poisoning. Or just old age.

Either way, Freddie is quite right that:

[Freddie] “You can’t give the kiss of life to a fox”

Though I’d add ‘unless you’re on very intimate terms’.

Was Elizabeth aware of the bull riding?

It didn’t seem so – but she didn’t seemed that bothered to hear Freddie reveal that Nigel used to let him rider General Custard.

Actually, Freddie generally sounded quite interested in the estate, from foxes, to bulls, to pheasants (Jennifer’s pheasants, by the by).

Maybe that’s where his talents will be found.

How long will Ruth go on?

[Pip on David helping at Lower Loxley] “Good old dad”

[Ruth] “He’s making it all very difficult here, though”

(which is when Ruth said that she needs “someone, that’s for sure”)

Is it just me, or could David do a better job at explaining to Ruth why he’s so driven to support Elizabeth?

As he says to Kenton:

“I can’t just walk out and leave her to it … not until I’m sure she’s got the proper help in place”

All Ruth’s left with is no David, half-finished jobs and lambing about to happen.

She does manage to get Eddie for a few extra nights, but it still doesn’t seem to be enough.

Despite spotting that David has arrived home (early) with a stack of Lower Loxley books to work on:

[Ruth] “Well done, you’re back just in time for the milking”

(if there was ever a hook into an argument, there was one!)

David slips off to do yet more work on the ‘Ryder meeting’, leaving Ruth to do the milking alone. Again.

[Pip] “Once we get the lambing out of the way, we’ll probably get back to normal”

Ruth didn’t sound so sure. And wondered aloud how long she could go on working like this.

I wonder if David will notice in time.

He didn’t even notice that Ruth had beef in, rather than frozen pizza …

The Archers Fri 4th Feb 2011: Helen’s still in her pyjamas

  • It’s okay. Jennifer’s got veal casserole
  • Pip’s driving and fixing lambing sheds
  • Is that Helen?
  • Lilian out to spoil a good walk
  • What’s Matt up to?
  • Now Jim’s a Royalist!
  • Industrial action at Grey Gables?

It’s okay. Jennifer’s got venison casserole

Tony’s in a state about Helen not being at Bridge Farm (she returns to her flat today), but Jennifer’s going to sort everything by taking her a casserole.

Actually. I shouldn’t take the Michael. That sounds quite perfect.

Jennifer is also one of the few Ambridge folks who will know exactly how Helen will be feeling. Jennifer managed to cope with Adam while coping alone (well, just about managed)

[Jennifer] “Your father phoned me last night and convinced me you’d starve here on your own”

So venison casserole it is, but I doubt Helen will eat those cupcakes.

Pip’s driving and fixing lambing sheds

Most teenagers would reveal in the sheer freedom of being able to drive up and down the village with their music blaring – but our wee saintly Pip is more than content to get to pick up the shopping. Then tackle the lambing sheds.

Josh was going to help with the sheds, but seemingly got bored after half an hour.

[Ruth] “Well it’s not the most thrilling way to spend a Friday night!”

Too right you are Ruth!

But Ruth is lucky she has got Pip.

David should have sorted the lambing sheds. David should have got in the supplies for dressing the lambs (and what not). David should have fixed the broken heat lamps …

[Ruth] “It’s not okay though, is it … I haven’t got time to chase around him checking up … the thing that really gets to me … ‘thanks very much, we don’t need you anymore’”

Which is what David said to Brian.

Even though Brian reckons:

[Brian] “It’s a shame really. I was starting to enjoy it.”

Hmmm. Brian and Ruth. Pip killed when speeding home with the frozen pizzas, or crushed when her handiwork falls apart.

Is that Helen?

It’s the first morning living solo with Henry, and Helen’s in a fluster.

Nothing’s actually wrong. Henry just won’t be put down without wailing. Which means Helen can’t have a shower, brush her teeth, or change out of her pyjamas.

And the Health Visitor is coming over.

But what’s this?

It’s our lovely Ian to the rescue. He takes Henry while Helen gets herself sorted – and has a man to man chat with him (which seemed to work).

Later on, Helen is happy to report that the Health Visitor was very pleased with her and Henry.

It will take some getting used to (us included!), but Henry very much looks to be the making of Helen. Maybe a tad stressed out and frantic at times, but nothing like the Helen of ‘back then’ who’d have a heart attack over a crumb.

Lilian out to spoil a good walk

Matt and Brian are trying to play gold, but Lilian doesn’t quite seem to get ‘it’.

[Matt, trying to get Lilian out of the way so that he can make his play] “ …look at her, strolling down the fairway like it’s Borchester high street”

What’s Matt up to?

Does this Docherty chap he’s lined up for Brian and the shoot sound as good as Matt makes him out to be?

Who is his mole at the Council, and what’s he to gain from having inside information about the Mart development?

Why is he being so smug with Brian?

Is it The Bull about to be turned into flats?

Or is Matt about to stage a coup for Lower Loxley? He is assuming that Elizabeth will want to hand over everything to a management company … and it sounds like he’s already started planning which bits of the estate would make good property sites.

None of this bodes well.

I think we can safely assume the old Matt is well and truly back …

[Matt] “It’ll take a big of digging to get your ball out of that!”


Now Jim’s a Royalist!

I’m as surprised as Ian:

[Ian] “Jim Lloyd, I would have out money on him being staunch republication”

[Helen] “Well, maybe he is, but he seems to thoroughly approve of the Duchess of Cornwall”

Industrial action at Grey Gables?

It would seem that Lynda’s determination to make sure she’s on shift when Camilla arrives is alienating the rest of the staff.

They seemingly nearly walked out over her changing the rota.

Oh dear Lynda. Seems like it’s no holds barred when it comes to simpering at Royalty.

The Archers Thurs 3rd Feb 2011: Elizabeth finally gets angry

  • Emma is seemingly quite big now
  • Is David thick?
  • I’d never have taken Pat for a Royalist
  • Clarrie reckons Camilla “looks really nice”
  • Clarrie’s not having it
  • Nigel’s filing causes the meltdown

Emma is seemingly quite big now

And is finding it hard to bend down.

That’s a shame. She really needs to grovel quite low to get Clarrie back on side …

Is David thick?

He certainly seems to be so when it comes to Ruth.

[David] “There’s no way you can manage the house as well as the farm”


The right thing to have said, David, was that trying to manage without Emma doing some house cleaning while she’s off having her baby would be: ‘There’s no way WE can manage the house as well as the farm’.

Honestly. What an amateur.

Later on, as he’s once again tripping back home late because he’s been at Lower Loxley all day:

[Ruth] “Where the hell have you been! …You said things are going to be easier from now on. You promised.”

[David, without any sincerity] “Well I was wrong, sorry”

[Ruth] “By the way David, you might be interested you know that your daughter passed her driving test”

Oh dear. And after all the fuss David made about Pip when she first started learning, he ends up completely missing the important part.

David better hope Brian doesn’t start ‘helping# Ruth again …

I’d never have taken Pat for a Royalist

But she seemed just as chuffed as Clarrie was. Pat even reminisced about Princes Margaret.

Where did that feisty Welsh feminist/socialist go?

Clarrie reckons Camilla “looks really nice”

[Clarrie] “You’d think she’d have a look round. I always think she looks really nice. Approachable, you know, like a regular person. I best you could have a proper chat with her.”

[Emma] “You’ll be camping out in the pavement, won’t you!”

Hmmm. I don’t think taking the Michael out of Clarrie was the best way for Emma to win her back …

Clarrie’s not having it

So after taking the Michael, Emma then, very tentatively, asks Clarrie to go shopping with her for the baby.

Which is seemingly a very nice thing for a prospective grandmother to be asked to do.

But Clarrie wasn’t impressed. She even tried to pass it back to Emma as something she should be doing with her own mum.

[Emma] “This baby’s your grandchild too”

Clarrie then said she couldn’t get the time off, promoting Emma to point out that Clarrie had a day off of work to spend time with Nic.

But Clarrie reckoned that was different. It was a WI outing.

Later, Clarrie’s talking to Pat about Emma:

[Clarrie] “Ah, you know what it’s about, don’t you? All them weeks I was laid up with me arm in plaster and in need of a helping hand I hardly saw hide nor hair of her .. .where as Nic were round our place every other day, a little tresasure she were … so now, Emma;s noticed that Nic and me are good friednds and she's jealous … silly girl”

Ouch! Far, far too little, far far too late, Emma.

Nigel’s filing causes the meltdown

David’s screwed up yet again.

He’s god rid of Brian’s help, Emma’s about to not be available for work due to impending baby, and now he realised that THE meeting with Graham Ryder isn’t as straightforward as it seems.

(I’m not exactly sure who Graham Ryder is – possibly the lawyer, accountant or Trustee. Whatever he is, he’s important enough to get stressed about).

David needs more information, but is having an awful time trying to find anything in Nigel’s rather eccentric filing system.

[Elizabeth] “Sometimes you need to think a bit laterally for Nigel’s filing”

And Elizabeth went on to explain that Nigel once filed an invoice under B for beard as that was all he could ever remember about the supplier.


But as Elizabeth tries to track everything down for David, she gets more and more irate (which David doesn’t seem to notice – which is odd, considering he was the one saying that she needed to let it all out).


“How could anyone else possibly deal with his eccentric setup …

(when she told him that they’d be knackered if he was run over by a bus) “ …he just laughed, and he promised he’d take care when crossing the road, as I literally meant a bus …he never took any notice of me, never …


“…I try not to give into it, it doesn’t do any good, but sometimes….”


I think we all felt a wee bit better for that.