Thursday, 31 May 2012

Harry returns to place the crown 31.05.12

The Archers Thursday 31st May 2012
  • Harry’s back
  • Up a ladder
  • Blokes’ chat
  • Pip’s no a girl to be on film
  • It’ll take a lot of wood to build that Beacon
  • Vicky really does want to retire
  • Silver Jubilee memories
  • Lost to Darrington

Harry’s back

Phew! He had me worried there. He hadn’t been anywhere, just ever so silent for so long.

Up a ladder

Harry’s only been back a few seconds, and Vicky already has him in a position where she can admire his bum!

She asks him to go up a ladder to fix a crown she’s made onto the top of the phone box.

[Clarrie] “Clever eh, padded radiator foil stuck on card”

[Harry] “Yeah very, eh, innovative”

When Harry makes a suggestion to improve the crown:

[Vicky] “Oh, you’re not just a buff pair of cycle shorts, are you?”

Blokes’ chat

[Spencer] “Alright mate”

[Harry] “Oh, hi Spencer”

[Spencer] “What you doing?”

[Harry] “Isn’t it obvious?”

[Spencer] “Well, no”

[Harry] “Making a crown for the phone box”

[Spencer] “I think you want to get out more mate”

[Harry] “Hmm, you’re not wrong”

Pip’s no a girl to be on film

[Pip] “Oh dad, you said you’d never do this … you hate them!”

[David] “Well, needs must”

[Pip] “I don’t; want to live in a prison. But why, dad?”

[David] “Times changes”

[Pip] “What next, a ten foot security fence … it’s so creepy  ... it’s bad enough being spied upon in town, but I live here”

When David, Josh and Ben are looking at the camera – trying to work out who someone is that’s just come onto the Farm. David sounds panicky, but it’s just Spencer:

[Ben] “No it’s not; it’s the beast of Haydn wood!”

Pip later says to Spencer that she knows something’s afoot that David and Ruth aren’t telling her. She knows it’s something to do with Adam, but thinks it more about David having also found Nigel. Sounds like she thinks he’s lost the plot.

I thought David and Ruth had decided to tell Pip as she’s the most at risk?

It’ll take a lot of wood to build that Beacon

Two sessions, Mike reckons.

Vicky really does want to retire

Which is fair enough.

She and Mike are having a wee time out on Lakey Hill.

[Mike] “It's good to have the time to stop and stare”

[Vicky] “We don’t have enough down time together, do we”

Hint hint …

Vicky says she’s looking forward to Mike retiring. And wonders if Harry would want to buy into the bottling plant.

[Mike] “It’ll be nice to have a bit of time for me”

[Vicky] “Us. We’ll have a fantastic time together”

Ah – but that’s where there could be trouble. Mike sees his retirement being in front of a flat screen TV. Vicky wants to dance, go in for competitions, do Zumba …

[Mike] “Well the over 60s put on some nice coach trips …”

[Vicky, ignoring Mike’s mention of bus trips] “There’s an extra’s agency opened up in Felpersham, we could be on telly”

Vicky sees television competitions. Win big, And jet off to Dubai.

Mike sounds like he just wants his slippers!

[Vicky] “Oh, we’ve got so much to look forward to”

[Mike] “Spending time with the grandkids”

[Vicky] “Oh, I hope that won’t mean less time for me, Mr Bubbles”

[Mike] “Oh never, Mrs Bubbles”

Silver Jubilee memories

[Vicky] “Rowena Ballam pelted me with jelly at our street party”

And Mike lit the Beacon at the very spot they’re now sitting on.

Lost to Darrington

Did the Ambridge cricket team. Though Harry reckons they at least gave them a fright. Probably just with how bad they are …

[Harry] “We should be proud of ourselves. Ifty calls us a work in progress”

Adam’s been thinking 30.05.12

The Archers Wednesday 20th May 2012
  • Elona hopes Lynda gets her 60 sponges
  • The Queen is deemed a good ‘un
  • A new supermarket!
  • Jim and Christine still estranged
  • Adam’s in a reflective mood
  • Lilian sorts the wages
  • Kenton and Jolene New Zealand bound?
  • Two years since Sid
  • Peggy still gets (junk) mail at Grey Gables
  • Kenton’s new cocktails
  • Jolene’s an ardent ex-smoker

Elona hopes Lynda gets her 60 sponges

[Lilian] “Or she’ll be a few sponges short of a jubilee!”

The Queen is deemed a good ‘un

[Elona] “She’s a marvellous woman”

[Lilian] “Well, she’s lived the good life”

[Peggy] “And worked very hard, Lilian!”

During the war:

[Peggy] “I was only a lowly stores orderly; while she got to drive a jeep … I could have fancied to learn to drive in a convoy”

A new supermarket!

And no one seems to give a hoot. Odd.

It’s on the site of the old mart, so I suppose it was a done deal. Lynda (and her like) must be too busy with Jubilees, Britain in Bloom, and a Super Dairy on the way …

Jim and Christine still estranged

[Peggy] “Oh, have you heard, Jim and Christine have fallen out. Did you know he was an anarchist and a republican?”

But I though Jim was a Royalist. Wasn’t he quite excited and supportive about Camilla’s visit?

Adam’s in a reflective mood

Not working, at home recuperating, Adam’s got time the time to ponder.

He’s been reading his dairies from when he was travelling through Senegal. Some of it’s quite poetic. Some of it isn’t.

[Ian, reading the diary aloud] “Stubbed my big toe on a fence post, swore like a docker”

[Adam] “It’s like I’m reading about someone else”

[Ian] “All very different from an English Country Garden”

(Adam sighed at that)

When Adam later went out for hack with Lilian, he told her he’d phoned his mate Vince, with whom who’d been in Kenya. Vince is just about to go to Malawi to do some charity work, helping to fit fuel efficient cooking stoves.

[Adam] “It’s made me nostalgic … for my younger self. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t have stayed”

[Lilian] “But then you would have met Ian. And he’s worth a thousand fuel efficient cooking stoves”

[Adam] “He’s the one bright spot at the moment … what do I do that makes any impact at all … I’m a cog in a corporate machine .. it’s not why I wanted to be a farmer”

[Lilian] “Everyone needs food, and you produce it … don’t sell yourself short”

When Lilian later has a wine with Ian, she tells him Adam is brooding. And needs taking out of himself.

Lilian sorts the wages

Lilian checked with Elona to see how Matt paid Darrell. It was cash. Again.

Lilian then later phones Elona to tell her it’s all sorted. She claims she took the “thumb screws” to Matt, and Darrell will be on formal wages by the end of the week.

Wonder if Matt knows?

Kenton and Jolene New Zealand bound?

Meriel has emailed Kenton a new photo:

[Kenton] “Suddenly she doesn’t look like a tiddler anymore”

(Meriel’s 11)

Kenton wants Jolene to meet Meriel – Jolene wants Kenton to meet little Sidney.

But, Jolene can’t see how they can afford to go.

[Jolene] “Let’s park it for now”

Ha! Knowing Kenton, he’ll buy the tickets and have Jolene off to New Zealand in a matter of weeks.

Two years since Sid

On the mention of Sid’s grandson Sidney:

[Jolene] “It’s almost two years now. I can hardly believe it”

Peggy still gets (junk) mail at Grey Gables

Must be a very long age such Peggy stopped working there.

Kenton’s new cocktails

Include a Presidential Pick Me Up and:

[Kenton] “Can I interest you in our republican cocktail or you the man for our royal flush?”

Ian declines. Wine is just fine.

Jolene’s an ardent ex-smoker

[Jolene] “I wish people wouldn’t stub their fags out in the tubs. Filthy habit”

[Lilian] “Time was, darling”

[Jolene] “One day you’ll see the light an all”

I very much doubt that. How can Fagash Lil by Fagash Lil without the fags?

Lynda offended by yellow 29.05.12

The Archers Tuesday 29th May 2012
  • Susan and Vicky talk Jubilee
  • The kids practice for the Jubilee
  • Maypole abused by Alf Grundy
  • Vicky wants to retire?
  • Amy thinks Carl wasn’t married
  • Alice bakes a cake
  • It’s Lynda’s birthday
  • The horror!

Susan and Vicky talk Jubilee

They seem to be cutting out pictures of The Queen as they’re working in the village shop:

[Vicky] “I can’t help thinking we’re missing a golden opportunity to put the phone box on the map”

[Susan] “A diamond opportunity!”

[Vicky] “My great aunt Nellie had a Welsh corgi, it used to sleep on the bed … Hey, how about we wrap it in Clingfilm, like that artist?””

[Susan] “It’s not a packed lunch Vicky, and how would people get in and out?”

[Vicky] “I’m just thinking outside the box”

[Susan] “We can use some of the decorations we used when Camilla visited”

[Vicky] “Oh come on, we want more pizazz than that!”

Ah bless them and their idle chatter.

The kids practice for the Jubilee

[Vicky] “That tunes getting on my wick”

Vicky is not amused by Lynda and the Village kids (not people, mind) constantly practising their Jubilee maypole dancing. Mainly because they’re doing so on the village green, which the village shops faces onto. As it’s too hot to close their door, Vicky has to suffer hearing their maypole music over and over and over …

Lynda also doesn’t seem to be having much luck with the kids getting any better.

[Lynda] “Lift your knees everyone, I want skippity skip, not clumpty clump … what an unfit bunch …”

Seems that Tracey’s Brad is causing particular mayhem:

[Lynda] “Brad, he’s an anarchist … if he frightens Molly Button with his rat again on Sunday, he’s not getting his jubilee commemoration mug”

Brad will be devastated, I’m sure. Lynda tells us that she still treasurers her Coronation mug. In has “pride of place in our downstairs loo”.

Maypole abused by Alf Grundy

[Susan] “Alf Grundy set light when he was young, apparently. Went up like a giant cigar, Eddie said”

Vicky wants to retire?

What’s Vicky most looking forward to during the Jubilee?

[Vicky] “The best thing is having such a long time off work”

She then later mentioned that she was finding the drive to and from Felpersham twice a week for work a bit if a frustration. She reckons it “upsets her rhythm”.

Sounds like someone does want to work anymore …

Amy thinks Carl wasn’t married

Amy’s on about Usha to Alice yet again. But is at least now looking at flats in Felpersham. Alongside ending the constant bickering, it’s also time Amy moved up and out.

Amy is also starting to question whether Usha was right about Carl. She thinks that Alan brought her up to be a good judge of character.

[Amy] “The more I think about it, I've been given second hand information. I don’t think he’s married at all”

Ach, that girl is just silly.

[Amy] “It may be a marriage of convenience … they must have fallen out of love for hi, to behave the way he did for me ... maybe he stayed out of loyalty, or just for show …what do you think?”

[Alice] “I think I don’t want you hurt”

She thinks Usha has an agenda. Though what Usha would gain from Amy going out with a married man is anyone’s guess.

Alice bakes a cake

For Brian and Jennifer’s 36th wedding anniversary.

[Alice] “Mum and dad have been through some dodgy times but hey, they belong together”

And she’ll be making one of the sponges for the giant WI jubilee cake.

It’s Lynda’s birthday

She got a new straw hat. Robert’s taking her out for a meal. And Christine invites her round for tea and a scone.

The horror!

Lynda’s pleasantly surprised by the effort Adam and Ian have made with their garden for Britain in Bloom.

[Lynda] “Oh they’ve done spectacularly well to create a cottage garden from a  standing start.”

[Christine] “Curtosey of the garden centre … Adam found it very therapeutic”

Lynda I also very impressed by Jim’s experiment – he’s grown vegetables in with his plants (chard, beetroot, and globe artichokes to be exact).

Then, Lynda, Christine and Jim walk up to No. 8 Glebeland.

[Lynda] “How could they possibly do such a thing … yellow!”

[Christine] “A whole garden thrugh of them”

[Lynda] “This is appalling, They’ve driven a coach and horses through the red white and blue motif”

[Christine] “I don’t know who lives here … I think they’re commuters … do you think they’re republicans … really Jim, I don’t think you realised just how upset she as going to be”

[Jim] “Plating yellow flowers is hardly a capital offense … Britain has a fine tradition of disobedience. It keeps our democracy alive, my dear”

[Christine] “Don’t you ‘my dear’ me. I’d rather have the queen as head of state any date over some sleazy politician!”

[Jim] “A democratically elected sleazy politician …”

[Christine] “I think I’ll head back. I don’t like to miss the news”

[Jim] “Oops …”

The sausage game 28.05.12

The Archers Monday 28th May 2012
  • Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon
  • Darrington won
  • Usha shouts at Amy
  • Tony’s made sandwiches
  • Ruth has a panic button
  • Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor
  • What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?
  • The sausage game

Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon

Well, that’s one way to celebrate the Jubilee, I suppose. Though, as Pip points out, she does get paid for being at something she would have gone to anyway.

Darrington won
Seems Ambridge got a “respectable” 180, but they were “chasing” 214.

From the way David told it, I assume that’s particularly bad?

Usha shouts at Amy

It’s about time!

Amy wanted to put something into the wash. Usha already had something in, but offered to out Amy’s on after. Amy says no, and wants to tale her clothes back.

[Usha] “Oh Amy, that’s ridiculous”

[Amy] “I don’t need you to do my washing, okay!”

[Usha, losing patience] “Right how long are you going to keep this up?”

Usha tells Amy that she’s the one tearing Alan apart. He builds the bridge, she smashes them down. Usha was especially angry about the effort Alan went to the other night when he cooked Amy’s favourite curry (a recipe of Mabel’s). Amy claims she did have some:

[Usha] “Yeah, skulking round the kitchen when we were gone, like a teenager”

[Amy] “He didn’t say you’d be there …”

[Usha] “I’M HIS WIFE, WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE? I LIVE HERE. He went to so much trouble ... poor Alan”

[Amy] “You've always had your own agenda, all that I'm your stepmother stuff, it was always a sham”

[Usha] “You don’t really believe that”

[Amy] “Don't I?”

Och Amy – go boil yer heid!

Tony’s made sandwiches

[Tom] “Oh, blimey!”

Tony making lunch is not a common occurrence.

And we find out why – he’s made a beef and avocado, plus brie and mushroom.

Odd. Tom chooses the brie and mushroom, but then wants to put ketchup on it.

Ach, pick the mushroom out ya fussy lad!

Ruth has a panic button

And now even locks the door behind her.

Pondering how they will run Open Farm Sunday while being on such high alert. Their only answer is to keep everything locked, and make the tour shorter.

Cancel it would be safer, surely?

Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor

Tony’s on fire today!

First the sandwiches, now he’s actually hired in someone to help with the milking.

It’s a bloke called Trevor. Who is in a band. But is “no spring chicken” (according to Pat, who hasn’t met him yet).

Trevor will work 5 days a week, 1 weekend a month, covering the afternoon milking. Trevor used to have his own herd and though he doesn’t miss the morning milking, he’s looking forward to working again (him and his wife also need the cash).

[Tom] “An old rocker, keeping his hand in eh. I bet he's got a ponytail!”

Tony’s seemingly most pleased with himself.

What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?

Trevor owns one, which made Tom groan.

Worried about Trevor and Tony spending hours just gazing at it?

The sausage game

[Ben] “Mum, dad can we play sausages?”

They said yes. Here it is:

[Ben] “Mum, what did you brush your teeth with today?”

[Ruth] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Pip, what does Spencer wear on his feet?”

[Pip] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Dad, what do you cut your hair with?”

[David, laughing] “Sausages”

Aha – David lost! You’re not supposed to laugh.

His forfeit (set by Ben) was to get under the table - then bark like a dog.

Though Ruth had the last word:

[Ruth] “What's Tom's only topic of conversation?”

All together now … Sausages!

David shot Walter Gabriel’s wheelbarrow 25.05.12

The Archers Friday 25th May 2012
  • Alice invites Amy to the DJ night
  • Brookfield’s gates were open
  • Alan’s on Usha’s side?

Alice invites Amy to the DJ night

Though we didn’t hear Chris tonight, he’d planned that night out to get away from Amy. He will not be a happy chappy …

But Alice is a pal. And she wants to cheer Amy up by getting dolled up and going out.

[Alice] “Nails, the works, like two hormonal teenagers”

[Amy] “Alright. Just don’t expect me to sparkle”

Brookfield’s gates were open

On one of their fields. Alan found it, and had to coax the cows back in.

Alan tells her as she’s picking up bits of glass from the broken security lights, but she doesn’t tell him what’s happened. When Alan leaves, and David comes over, he tells her he has called the Police, and they’re on their way over. The Police are taking it seriously – they even want to test the newspaper.

[David] “Sorry. You were right”

He and Ruth agree not to tell the kids.

After the Police have been, they do mention that a farmer in Penny Hassett has had a wheel shout at, which they reckon were indeed kids. But, they do think there’s a connection between the on goings at Brookfield and the gang that attacked Adam.

Ruth wants security cameras. David concurs. But he doesn’t want Ruth to get too overwrought.

[David] “Honestly, you don’t need to start inventing things to worry about … They'll find some spotty kid … I popped a pellet into Walter Gabriel's wheelbarrow with my first air rifle, he wasn’t happy, and neither was I when he told dad. We both need to get things in perspective love ... we can’t live our lives hiding in shadows.”

But then the phone rings. Ruth goes to answer it:

[unidentified bloke] “You;re going to have to take more care. Your security lights. Not secure anymore, are they. it’s getting darker, isn’t it …”

Alan’s on Usha’s side?

He certainly seems to be starting to see that Amy isn’t exactly being rational.

[Alan] “Difficult, it’s impossible. I feel like a UN Peacekeeper … I’m so worried, Ruth. What is there's no happy ending and the relationship never heals”

[Ruth] “Oh it'll come right Alan. I’m sure it will”

When Alan later takes Amy up Lakey Hill:

[Amy] “It's just to breathe air that isn’t hospital”

Alan tries to persuade Amy to forgive Usha.

[Amy] “You can't change what's happened”

[Alan] “You can change what's going to happen, though”

[Amy] “I'm locking Carl away, in a box, with all the other horrible things”

[Alan] “He broke your heart, don’t let him break anything else”

But Amy won’t stay and talk. She storms off, again.

Is it just me – or is Amy taking this too far? Carl was a bad ‘un, and hurt her, but they really hadn’t been going out for that long. And it’s certainly beyond the call still punishing Usha over it.

Amy later says to Alice:

[Amy] “She didn’t feel like a stepmum anymore, she was a mum to me Alice. How could she have kept quiet ... she could have saved me ... how can I trust her now?”

This is starting to sound like a petulant child, whining …

Broken sensor lights and cash in hand 24.05.12

The Archers Thursday 24th May 2012
  • Elona’s a doormat
  • Lilian takes Darrell’s side, but wouldn’t marry him
  • Ben’s help build the silage clamp
  • Scary times at Brookfield

Elona’s cutting Tom’s hedge

After Darrell has already cut their lawn. He thinks Tom and Brenda are taking advantage.

[Elona] “No. They’re friends”

[Darrell] “Only sometimes can you try too hard, then you become a doormat”

[Elona] “There is a law in life Darrell. If you give out, you get back”

Actually – Tom and Brenda should be ashamed of themselves. Adam, mere weeks after being attacked, is getting on with his own garden.

Lilian takes Darrell’s side, but wouldn’t marry him

Darrell gives Elona £50 to put to the fund they’re saving for one of their daughters. Which means Matt gave Darrell cash in hand again. Elona isn’t happy about that, as Darrell knows.

[Darrell] “We should be grateful someone’s taken a chance on me … Elona, it’s the build trade, not the civil service”

[Elona] “I just don’t want you slipping back (to prison) … You accuse me of being a doormat, being eager to please, but you are just the same … stand up for yourself … I won’t accept this way of living. Go back to Matt and tell him to make you official. From next week … I’m not living in the shadows. Think about your girls”

[Darrell “This is going to be embarrassing”

[Elona] “That’s your choice, isn’t it. Embarrassment or shame”

Darrel chose embarrassment. He went to round to Matt's to ask to be paid on the books, just as Matt and Lilian are off out in the car.

Matt says he’ll get back to him.

[Lilian] “I wish you wouldn’t do that … where’s my lighter … tell people you’ll do things when you haven’t the slightest intention of doing them … we should think about it, you know. Darrell’s a damn good chippie. I’d be sorry if he walked away”

[Matt] “With his record, in this climate, are you kidding?”

Matt reckons he doesn’t want to complicate what’s an easy casual arrangement.

[Lilian] “It obviously took a lot for him to summon up the nerve to ask you”

[Matt] “Ah, that’s just his pushy wife, innit”

[Lilian] “She needs to be pushy. He’s very sweet, but not husband material”

[Matt] “How very old fashioned you are sometimes, pussycat”

[Lilian] “I can’t stand a wishy washy man, though considerate would be nice … If we upset Elona, we’ll have mum to answer to …You should pay for quality, Matt. Surely I’ve taught you that”

Matt tells Lilian to leave “the workforce” to him, but Lilian is far from done.

Ben’s help build the silage clamp

Well done Ben.

Scary times at Brookfield

David has to go to an NFU meeting tonight, which means Ruth’s home alone.

[Ruth] “Well I’ll just barricade myself in with the kids”

When David gets back (he needs to have his breaks check, by the way. They were very squeaky), it’s gone 10.30pm. Ruth’s in a flap, even though David texted.

David’s also a bit perturbed that the security lights didn’t come on when he drove back in. He goes to check. At first he thinks the glass is blown, but if it has, it’s more than one light that’s gone. They’re all shattered.

[David] “I reckon this is kids, Ruth. They’ve seen the kitchen is dark and taken their chance”

[Ruth] “This light’s just below Ben’s room … what if he’d been at the window … I want you to ring the Police”

[David] “I don’t think we should assume the worst”

[Ruth] “It’s a priority to me … we need to report it. Just  do it. Please”

Alan’s back to being Usha’s husband 27.05.12

(not just exclusively Amy’s dad)

The Archers Sunday 27th June 2012

  • Brookfield to be filmed
  • Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed
  • Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed
  • Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Brookfield to be filmed

[Ruth] “So, we've finally joined the surveillance society”

David and Ruth are choosing security cameras online. They also decide to tell Pip what’s going on, as she’s the most vulnerable one (being out and about the most by herself).

Worryingly, David’s taken to sleeping with a shotgun next to the bed. Ruth nearly hit it instead of the alarm clock …

[Ruth] “We’re sitting targets”

[David] “Well, they may be scum, but they can't be completely stupid. They won’t want to be caught on camera”

[Ruth] “Everything's changing, isn’t it?”

Would seem so. The days of being able to leave their doors unlocked are (at least temporarily) gone.

[David] “Ruth, I am not going to let these thugs get in my head … Think about it, why are they doing this, how do they want us to feel, rattled and insecure ... they are not taking over our lives ...”

[Ruth] “I must say Farm Sunday is the last thing I feel like doing right now”

Sounds like the bad men are winning …

Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed

(yes – nearly in ‘that’ way. What’s going on with the older-than-young-but-not-quite-old Ambridge married couples? Why all of the randyness?)

He comes home after early communion (where he only had half a dozen people attend, but seemed happy enough with that), to find Usha still in bed. She stayed there after she’d heard Amy up and about. Usha wanted to wait until Amy went back to her room.

[Alan] “You shouldn't have to hide away”

[Usha] “I'm not. I'm just avoiding unnecessary confrontation”

[Alan] “God has committed us to the work of reconciliation”

[Usha] “Well water wears a stone down eventually”

Usha has the measure of Amy. She thinks Amy is running rings round her and Alan.

[Usha] “We need to get on with our lives, you and I”

So they do. Seems Usha is 50 next month, and Alan wants them to celebrate properly.

A meal at Grey Gables? A party outside? Aha – hiring The Bull upstairs.

But they can’t do it on the 17th (Usha’s actual birthday) as it’s also Open Farm Sunday – which David and Ruth will be running at Brookfield.

(wonder why they didn’t ask Brian to do it this year)

Either which way, Usha is ever so happy that Alan’s being nice/normal to her again.

[Usha] “You have cheered up my morning, darling”

[Alan] “So, do you want her there?”

[Usha] “Yes, yes I do, though whether she'll want to be there is another matter”


Amy will manage to ruin Usha’s birthday, one way or another.

When Alan mentions their plans for Usha’s birthday, Amy says she expects to be working. When Alan tries to reason with her:

[Amy] “Don't you get it dad, I don’t want anything to do with her!”

Usha overheard. But I don’t suppose she’ll be surprised, or shocked, to hear Amy talk that way anymore.

Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed

Must be slaughter time for some of them.

Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Wee toot.

Ruth and David make him go and watch the Darrington game – where everything knows Ambridge will be gubbed.

They only wanted him safely somewhere else, as they’d be too busy working to keep an eye on him. So no need for such punishment!

Oh. My. Word. Will to breed again! 23.05.12

The Archers Wednesday 23rd May 2012
  • Helen’s back!
  • Clarrie’s not impressed by Tom’s ready meals
  • A near meltdown at soft play
  • Welshman are only designed for rugby?
  • Even the peacock is winding Rhys up
  • Will tells Chris to put his foot down
  • Nic wants Will’s child
  • Ifty’s quite firm!

Helen’s back!

Bout time too. Tom will persuade Pat and Tony to sign all of Bridge Farm over to him if Helen isn’t there to fight her corner.

Clarrie’s not impressed by Tom’s ready meals

[Clarrie] “I don’t say Joe would fancy a spicy meatball”

Helen thinks Joe might surprise Clarrie.

I doubt it.

A near meltdown at soft play

Helen’s taking Henry and Rowan to soft play (Helen looks after Rowan a few days a week, with Rowan’s mum taking Henry when Helen works).

Luckily for Helen, Nic came along at the right moment. Helen was (from the sounds of it) about to lose the plot.

Welshman are only designed for rugby?

So reckons Rhys. He’s still getting the Michael ripped out of him for falling over at cricket.

[Rhys] “I told you. A Welshman is not designed to run with massive pads on … Now when you’ve had a prop forward crash into you, you know about it … Anyway, you can talk. You hardly covered yourself in glory, quack quack”

(anyone who can enlighten me to why Rhys said “quack quack” to Will?)

Even the peacock is winding Rhys up

As Rhys is outside of The Bull, he gets a scare when the resident peacock lets off one of his creams.

[Rhys] “I swear, he creeps up on me sometimes ... the sooner he joins the rest of them up in peacock heaven, the better”

Will tells Chris to put his foot down

Chris wants a night out with Alice, mainly so they can get away from Amy. She’s always round there, often leaving quite late.

[Will] “You better put your foot down”

[Chris] “It's boyfriend trouble. More than my life's worth”

(as if Will can talk about putting his foot down. He’s hardly done that, or could do that, with Nic)

Chris then told Will about Amy’s Carl being married.

Wonder how long it’ll take Will to tell Clarrie. Clarrie to tell Susan. Susan to tell the world …

Nic wants Will’s child

And not just George for the weekend.

There had been signs that Nic wanted to procreate with Will.

She’d been packing up some of Mia and Jake’s baby stuff to take to the charity shop the other day. And seemed quite sad about it. Especially when Mia gave up Mr Penguin.

She today bumped into Helen in town, and started smelling Henry’s head.

She then mentioned how she’d first met Will – he’d helped her on the bus with her buggy and bags. The asked her out.

And Nic couldn’t bring herself to actually take the bags of baby stuff she’d packed to a charity shop today.

She explained to Clarrie that giving up the bay clothes “felt so final”.

[Clarrie] “Nic, if you;re not ready to part with them, maybe it’s just not the right time”

(ah – that Clarrie is a wise, wise lady who sees all).

When Will gets home, he spots the bags.

[Nic] “I couldn’t part with Mia's baby things ... I’ve tried to fight the feeling, but it just won’t go away, not that I want it to go away ... I want you and me to have a baby together ... (Will gets  a bit over excited) steady on Will, just one.”

[Will] “One's perfect!”

As much as it pains me to say this, with the new calm and sensible Will (due to Nic's steady influence), he’ll actually make a lovely dad. He’s been great with George, and that he doesn’t fly at Ed every time he sees him is a huge bonus.

Ifty’s quite firm!

Ifty was taking nets today with the adult Ambridge cricket team. Who have, so far, lost every match of the season.

He wasn’t amused when Will said he’d have to leave, after only being there for a short time, as he had to eat before he went back out to work.

[Ifty] “Maybe so, but we've got some work to do here judging on Sunday's performance”

Will then got a (quite polite) lecture on how he needs to be committed and have focus.

Ifty tells Chris could be an asset to the team with bowl and bat, but Rhys gets a slightly harsher message:

[Ifty] “We're going to use the best of what you’ve got, while you work on the rest ... all you’ve got to do is lose the habit of a lifetime. Playing the wrong game, mate”

As Will later said:

[Ifty] “So charming, you don’t realise he's telling you off”

Slow day, despite an escaped rat 22.05.12

The Archers 22nd May 2012

  • We haven’t had a slow Ambridge day for a while. But here it was:

Adam has gaps in his garden
After weeding so much

Adam and Ian got to a garden centre
To have lunch and buy colourful plants. Adam gets tired.

Ian thinks Keith looks like a medallion man

But Adam says Clive was the ‘down the top with a worm’ bad ‘un

Keith gave Chelsea a hamster called Hopkirk, Brad a rat called Randall

Randall escape under the sofa

Blood relations do not include fathers of the child

[Keith on Tracey’s ex] “But he’s not a Horrobin trace. He’s low life”

Confirmation Adam has red hair
[Keith] “He hasn’t changed at all. I’d recognise that red hair anywhere”
(so the chap on the BBC website definitely isn’t Adam)

Alan tells Amy Usha will be there for the curry

So Amy calls off

Keith would rather Sam and Ash got married in Gretna
He’d even pay for their bus fare (as it’s cheaper)

Wild Boars are quite common, says Kirsty 21.05.12

The Archers Monday 21st May 2012
  • When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
  • Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto
  • Is Oliver being sexist?
  • Wild Boars are too common for Lynda
  • Who did Ruth have to apologise to?
  • Oliver delighted to be silaging
  • The price of bread is over £2
  • Boycott of Alice’s stall?
  • Is David going mad?

When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
Alan tries to get Amy to sit down with him and Usha.

Amy only gets up when she thinks Usha has left the house (she was thwarted today – Usha had just gone out to do a bit of gardening). And sidestepped a mid-morning coffee with Alan and Usha by saying she was staying in bed.

He then manages to get her agree to have tea – he’s going to attempt Mabel’s famous Sweet Potato Curry. Even though he’s never made it right or hot enough before. Amy didn't sound keen at all.

Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto

[Lynda] “Hej. Godmorgen. Hoe is uw dag?”

(apologies to anyone who  is Dutch. My transcription of Lynda’s bad pronunciation is probably way off!)

Lynda explains to Olive that she has Nordic guests staying.

[Lynda] “I just like to make the effort. Nations shall speak peace unto nation. I wished I’d learnt Esperanto, actually”

[Oliver] “Well, you won’t find dried herring in the village shop, but it does sell Danish bacon”

[Lynda] “Oh no no. We're strictly local”

(I’d have thought Lynda would have made a point of saying that they never, ever, buy Danish bacon because of the bad (supposed to be changed but not), way the pigs are held. Maybe too controversial for too early in the morning)

When Lynda also later tells Alice about her guests:

[Alice] “Oh well, I hope their jumpers don’t disappoint”

Lynda was not amused.

Is Oliver being sexist?

[Lynda] “What have you got there? Fistful of chocolate bars I see”

Olive explains it’s to keep him going, as he has work to do at Brookfield. Lynda starts to explain that a sugar rush is only temporary:

[Oliver] “No, Lynda, I won’t accept lectures on chocolate from a woman”


That’s not our usual cuddly, gentleman Oliver.

Wild Boars are too common for Lynda

[Oliver] “I suppose you know Kirsty and Patrick were in the woods together on Sunday?”

[Lynda, sensing juicy gossip] “No, really!?!”

[Oliver] “Close to where Ed found signs of grubbing up in the fields. They were looking for evidence of a wild boar”

[Lynda] “Oh. That”

[Oliver] “Well they actually found some tracks, and what could have been tusk marks on a tree trunk. Exciting, eh … Kirsty says their population is on the increase. In fact, they’re quite common now”

[Lynda] “Hmm”

[Oliver] “Well you don’t seem very interested”

[Lynda] “Well, it’s fascinating, of course, but a wild pig hasn’t the allure of a sleek and predatory big cat”

Oh Lynda. You are fickle.

Patrick’s going to set up a night camera, so hopefully the mystery of boar Vs big cat will be resolved soon enough.

Who did Ruth have to apologise to?

Was it Oliver?

She made mention that she has to apologise to someone for shouting down the phone when she answered it in last eavesdropping episode. Also to Ben for seemingly losing the plot.

[Ruth] “Still it broke the curse. I’m going to answer it from now on”

David thinks the nasty bloke won’t try it again, as he won’t want his number to be traced.

[David] “That bloke has watched too many gangster movies”

Oliver delighted to be silaging

[Oliver] “Back to driving a tractor … how will our backs cope!”

Ruth though Oliver certainly looked more at home on the tractor, than at Grey Gables.

The price of bread is over £2

Good lord!

That was special organic bread Lynda bought from the market, but nae need at all!

Boycott of Alice’s stall?

Alice mentioned to Lynda that her stall has been quiet (she’s selling fruit and venison from Home Farm).

Lynda gave the opinion that the stall was out of kilter with the now perception of Home Farm. Super Dairy does not equal local produce.

[Alice] “So take it up with my dad, not me!”

[Lynda] “I’m only saying people aren’t stupid”

(once Lynda has gone)

[Alice] “It’s funny how you can go off people …”

As Alice (and Amy, who has finally got out of bed) pack up, Alice does wonder if Lynda’s right. She’s hardly sold anything. Amy reckons it’s just folks cutting back – why buy a punnet of strawberries from a market if you can get 2 for 1 at a supermarket?

Is David going mad?

David calls Ruth in a panic.

[Ruth] “I don’t understand what the problem is”

[David] “It’s the newspaper on the tractor seat”

[Ruth] “A copy of The Echo, yeah you said. So, they’re often is”

[David] “That’s the whole point Ruth. It wasn’t here before”

[Ruth] “And you don’t think it’s Oliver’s or Eddie’s?”

[David] “No. I’m sorry. Look, it’s not the most recent one … it has been carefully folded over to reveal the headline about the assault on Adam … and this has happened in the last few minutes Ruth while I was getting my drink … someone has placed it here”

[Ruth] “This is horrible”

[David] “We’re going to have to be careful”

When Ruth suggests that she should check their recycling to see if their copy has gone:

[David] “Oh, so it’s walked on its own to the tractor seat!”

[Ruth] “Okay, so we phone the police”

David doesn’t want to. He thinks they will be wasting their time. And that it’s not direct intimidation anyway, so there’s nothing the Police could do.

[Ruth] “Someone was watching you David, waiting to do this”

[David] “And he was trying to spook me”

[Ruth] “Well not just spook you, warn you”

I’m with Ruth. They should call the Police, pronto.

The christening of the new slurry tank 20.05.12

The Archers Sunday 20th May 2012
  • Terror of the phone
  • The slurry tank party
  • Slaughtered by Little Croxley
  • Pip enjoyed her Gourmet Burger shift
  • Everyone wants someone else at Bridge Farm

Terror of the phone

[Ruth] “I'm on edge every time the phone rings”

[David] “Maybe it's enough for him that we've had a miserable weekend, he'll leave us alone now”

[Ruth] “I don’t want to feel bullied”

[David] “Well I won’t be. I'm not going to let Adam down, I’m the only witness”

Good on David. I’m not his biggest fan, but he will always stand on the side of right.

They’ve had to put the phone answering machine on so that they don’t have to chance speaking to that bloke again. Though no mention of them telling the Place.

At the end of tonight’s eavesdropping, Ben had managed to get to the phone when it rang before Ruth could grab him. She did manage to speak first on it, but we didn’t get to hear who was calling,

The slurry tank party

As organised by Ben and Bert.

Jill had to find out from Bert when they were at church.

[David] “You can come if you like”

[Jill] “I will”

(that’s not like David, to be rude to his mum)

Bert has a special surprise for the party, but won’t tell David.

[David] “Champagne, dancing girls?”

Jill thinks the tank is very smart.

David is impressed by the cakes:

[David] “Significant enough for fairy cakes ... I refuse to call them cupcakes!”

David also tells everyone that they’re thinking of turning the old slurry lagoon into a reservoir.

[Ben] “But it’s had cow poo in it!”

[David] “It won’t be for our drinking water Ben”

After the stress of ‘that’ phone call, David’s not really in the mood to celebrate. But regardless of whatever else is happening, the new slurry tank is good news.

[Ruth] “We have managed to save the herd”

[Jill] “See, Bert was right. It is something to celebrate”

Bert arrives back from the cricket. He’s also rather despondent (because of the cricket), but brightens up when he make his big reveal.

A bottle of milk to christen the tank across its bough - and champagne.

(wow – steady on there!)

[Jill] “Well, I think your father would thoroughly approve of this new tank”

[Bert] “This is the cleanest it'll ever be, so inhale deeply and enjoy it while you can”

Slaughtered by Little Croxley

Were the Ambridge cricket team.

There Jamie was in for Tom:

[Bert] “We were annihilated again …  What a shower. No Roy, no Adam of course, no Tom to boot. Talk about the B team. It was like watching a slow car crash”

Seems Will “missed a sitter”, and Rhys fell over.

[Bert] “I don’t know how we're going to pull it round before the next grudge match”

(which is against Darrington)

Pip enjoyed her Gourmet Burger shift

[Tom] “Can't beat that smell of grease and the roar of the crowd”

Well, you can. But each to their own.

Everyone wants someone else at Bridge Farm

First, David.

[David] “Tom, if you don’t confront problems, they're only going to fester”

Then Pat, when she was talking about how the family had to pull together to get through the E.coli nightmare.

[Pat] “Tom and Helen came of age. It was Tom who saw the direction we had to take to save the business ... so, we can't expect Tom and Helen to shrink back now and do what they're told”

[Tony] “Huh, I never expect my son to be a shrinking violet”

[Pat] “We're the older generation now Tony. It's not always easy to accept but it’s the way it should be ... it’s time to give them their heads. treat them as equals. Even take the lead sometimes. if not, well I’m frightened we'll lose Tom ... we need him”

[Tony] “I know you;re right Pat, but I suppose I feel scared of stepping back”

[Pat] “It'll be strange for me too. It's Helen who'll be at the helm in the dairy too ... I'll be the washer upper”

[Tony] “But I’m not ready to be like Bert at Brookfield. Pottering around like some handyman”

Later on, Tony stuns Tom and Pat:

[Tony] “So I propose we pull in a new relief milker for the afternoons … I still expect the upper hand in the office Tom. And sole use of the big chair”

So, guard change at Bridge Farm then.

Still think it’s odd that Helen’s not having as much say as Tom … where is she?

Some bloke threatens David 18.05.12

The Archers Friday 18th May 2012
  • Pip’s a Gourmet Burger girl
  • Peggy pushes in
  • All’s well at Brookfield
  • Pip got 79% and is off clubbing
  • Now Ruth’s on heat
  • Bad, bad men!

Pip’s a Gourmet Burger girl

And she genuinely sounds happy about it. Off with Brenda to do her first shift in the van:

[Tom] “You'll be a burger pro in no time”

[Peggy] “She really is proving to be worth her weight in gold”

Peggy thinks they should take Pip on full time. Watch out for that becoming part of a recurring theme for our Peg.

Peggy pushes in

It’s not like Peggy to interfere, but the only exception is when it comes to Tom (he can do no wrong).

She hears Tony annoyed about a bloke called Howard changing his order – which Tom had arranged, but hadn’t written down in a place Tony could find.

Tom then takes her to see the new Poly Tunnel.

[Peggy] “Goodness. It's larger than I expected”

(how did Bridge Farm get that up without any hassle? Home Farm had a horrific time. But, I suppose that had a lot to down to Lynda)

Yom talks her through where the Chillies, new varieties of peppers, and maybe even aubergines will go.

[Tom] “It's a risk, but a good profit if it works. And we've got the space”

[Peggy] “And when are you going to manage all of this?”

Ah. Peggy’s twigged that Tom’s not happy doing the menial work, and that there’s plenty office politics afoot.

[Peggy] “Let's be honest, you;re doing each other's jobs. Tony should be on the farm, while you push forward the business”

But Tom knows it’s a current necessary evil. Tony isn’t well enough to cope with working the farm.

[Tom] “I mean that's the priority, and I don’t want to push him”

Tom doesn’t even have time to play cricket. (I’d swear that Tom was playing quite an astute game here by saying the things Peggy is bound to support him on. But Tom wouldn’t make sure Peggy took his side rather than Tony’s … would he?)

[Peggy] “You must give yourself a break, though”

[Tom] “Maybe I'll have some time to put on my whites in August, by which point we'll be firmly ensconced at the bottom of the league”

Later, Peggy has a chat with Tony.

[Peggy] “It's such a shame his energies are being wasted ...well it hardly makes sense for him to squander his time on the daily chores ... he should be concentrating on developing the business”

[Tony] “And he's welcome to, when I'm feeling a bit stronger … What has he been saying to you?”

[Peggy] “Other than what's patently clear, he's frustrated, he's raring to go”

[Tom] “Well pardon me, sorry for almost dying”

[Peggy] “Oh Tony, will you please listen. Even if you hadn't been ill, it would still be time to give Tom more of a say ... he was brimming over with drive and ambition”

[Tony] “And I'm just a stick in the mud, I suppose”

[Peggy] “How old were you and Pat when you decided to go organic ... so, the same age as Tom then. And look how you transformed the farm. Tom's not a boy anymore, Tony, he's in the prime of life. You should be taking advantage of that, especially now you’ve had your heart attack. It's something you;re need to come to terms with, and Pat as well”

Peggy wants Tony and Pat to bring an extra worker, so that Tom can concentrate away from ‘just’ working the farm.

[Peggy] “And what's the alternative hobbling on financially as you are,  or Give Tom's the reigns and let him actually build the business ... hire some help Tony, I promise you, once Tom's running things, it will pay for itself”

All’s well at Brookfield

Though they don’t have Tom or Tony to help out with silaging, they’re coping well with Oliver and Eddie’s help.

They can also start using their new slurry tank.

There’s a real air of positivity at Brookfield.

[David] “It's weird isn’t it. Surely something’s got to go wrong”

Pip got 79% and is off clubbing,

[Pip] “I need to be extra glam”

[David] “Extra glam! Oh to be young again!”

She’s also going on holiday (no mention of where) with her pals. Spencer’s fine with staying home (he’ll have the harvest on anyway).

With University, milking at Bridge Farm, working Tom’s burger van, Spencer AND having a wider social life – David’s worried Pip will burn out.

[Ruth] “She's enjoying herself. That's what she's supposed to be doing!”

Now Ruth’s on heat

My word! Seems the arrival of a new slurry tank really does something to David and Ruth’s sex drive.

Yesterday it was David, this time it’s Ruth. She made mention of them having a spare few moments … which David didn’t seem to notice.

But he did. He’d heard the hint loud and clear. So, later on:

[David] “We can't let these youngsters have all the fun. Glass of wine, darling?”

But, when we eavesdrop in late on at Brookfield, David’s fallen asleep.

[Ruth, not sounding upset] “Wakey wakey, Casanova. So much for an evening of passion!”

[David, trying to rouse himself in more ways than one] “Oh, right then!”

[Ruth] “Oh forget it. You’ve still half asleep and the boys will be back home soon”

[David] “Well, then I'll be quick. You'll be surprised!”

(the phone starts ringing)

[Ruth] “It might be your mum”

[David, passion firmly killed off by that remark] “Oh. don’t say that”

But it isn’t Jill …

Bad, bad men!

When David answers the call:

[unidentified bloke] “Is that David Archer, of Brookfield Farm? Listen to me David, you;re not going to give your evidence, okay. When they asked you to be a witness, you;re going to tell them that you can't remember what you saw. You love your family, right, because if you want them to stay safe, you'll do exactly as I say”


That bloke must have been watching too many soap operas like Eastenders. What a clich├ęd way to threaten someone!

But, taking it seriously, David was right to say that Brookfield’s happiness couldn’t last.

Mr Penguin leaves Ambridge 17.05.12

The Archers Thursday 17th May 2012
  • The Ambridge Beast is grubbing Ed’s pastures?
  • Joe’s not the eldest elder statesman
  • Answers do come in Church
  • Bye bye, Mr Penguin

The Ambridge Beast is grubbing Ed’s pastures?

[Joe] “So George believes in Lynda Snells' monster then, does he?”

[Ed] “Yeah, along with the tooth fairy and the troll under the bride ... he's been drawing picture, running around growling, scaring Keira”

[Joe] “You’re supposed to have a fertile imagination at that age. Can't the same for the Snell woman ... she's off her rocker”

Ed then gets distracted. He can see his pasture has been grubbed again.

Joe reckons it could be a pig (as Ed reckons). Though he’s also guessing it could be a wild boar. Or even the Ambridge beast.

[Joe] “Ring your brother. he might have seen summit”

Ed’s (understandably) not keen to call Will. But, he is the chap to talk to about what might be wandering about the estate. So he does. But Will hasn’t seen anything.

[Joe] “It could still be wild boar then. You ants to be careful Ed, they can be vicious animals. Remember when your dad was attacked?”

[Ed] “Yeah, so he says”

[Joe] “What, don’t you believe him? Hey Clarrie, you tell the lad, Eddie was attacked by a wild boar?”

[Clarrie] “Oh,. I remember summit. You know Eddie though”

[Ed] “Well, whatever it was, it's wrecking my pasture” 
[Ed] “I'll keep my eye out for the rampaging boars”

Joe’s not the eldest elder statesman

Joe’s heard that Lynda needs someone to cut the giant jubilee cake.

[Joe] “An elder statesman. Who do you reckon that sounds like then?”

[Ed] “I don’t know, Oliver?”

[Joe] “I was walking the fields round here when the Queen’s grandfather was on the throne. I’ve been dropping a few hints to Clarrie, subtle like ...”

As Clarrie talks Nic through baking some of the sponges for the giant cake:

[Nic] “I can just see me turning up with some burnt stodgy brick thing”

Clarrie talks about how “subtle” Joe’s been:

[Clarrie] “He ain't stopped banging on. You’d think he was getting knighted or something”

Later on:

[Clarrie, back from the village shop] “Now Joe, I've got some bad new I’m afraid”

[Joe] “What do say that ain’t got no humbugs”

[Clarrie] “Mr Pullen's going to do it”

[Joe] “WHAT! Pullen!”

[Clarrie] “Well he is the oldest person in the village. He's 96”

(did Clarrie say 96? I though Bob was 99)

[Joe] “I thought they wanted elder not eldest. I thought they was looking for someone dignified, with a bit of gravitas ... what happens if he gets caught short ... decisions made behind closed doors”

[Clarrie] “It's the women's institute!”

[Joe] “Exactly, a discriminatory organisation”

Joe thinks all the ‘elder’ names should have gone into a hat for a fair, random draw.

Though I suspect he still would have claimed foul play if he still hadn’t won.

Answers do come in Church

Usha interrupts Alan as he’s praying in Church. She makes him sit down with her. And asks him to stop being angry with her.

[Usha] “I understand why you;re upset, but you can't keep taking it out on me ... I’m not the enemy here, but at the moment it's two against one”

[Alan] “I don’t know hat you expect me to do. I’m trying to pick up the pieces. Amy's the one who's been hurt here, don’t blame me for the way she feels about you”

[Usha] “Well don’t blame me either Alan. I've said I’m sorry. I’ve admitted I handled things badly … It's been really hurtful, but I don’t think you’ve even noticed ... in your heart, you think she's right. You don't kiss me good night anymore”

[Alan] “I didn’t realise. I haven't been thinking. I suppose I’ve been so engrossed with Amy, it’s so hard to see her going through this, she's my little girl, all I want to do is take that pain away … I’m angry, but I should have taken it out on you”

[Usha] “I just want us to deal with it together. I ;love you Alan, and I love Amy,. Please don’t shut me out”

Later on, as they leave the Church, they sound reconciled and relaxed with each other.

[Alan] “Some vicar I am. I’m meat to be giving marriage classes tonight. I don’t feel very qualified right now”

[Usha] “I know she's heartbroken, but it goes deeper than that. It's about her mum?”

Alan reckons so. Amy really has no-one to trust but Alan.

Where does that leave Usha? On the outside.

Bye bye, Mr Penguin

Nic has been doing some clearing out, taking the unwanted and unused to the charity shop.

Mia wants to help.

[Mia] “It's to go in the bags. For the poor people”

Mia puts in some books, and Mr Penguin.

[Mia] “I know, but I don’t need him anymore. I’m a big girl now … Bye bye Mr penguin”

Nic sounded quite upset. Her wee girl must be growing up.

Hope Mr Penguin finds another nice little young ‘un to spend retirement with.

Usha doesn’t get to watch Toy Story 16.05.12

The Archers Wednesday 16th May
  • Amy wants biscuits
  • Court shadowed by Lynda
  • David’s on heat
  • Sounds like Josh & Phoebe is more Josh
  • Toy Story
  • Emma’s back at work
  • Usha turns to Ruth

Amy wants biscuits

But there aren’t any. Alan makes her a cheese sandwich instead.

Amy had only had a few chocolates during the day, which had been bought for her be a glowing couple who’d she’d midwifed for. They’d actually upset her by just being a couple:

[Amy] “Even that couple ... well, it’s not nice ... when I saw them together, and they were so happy ... (she starts crying. Usha comes in) … oh no … (and leaves)”

Alan isn’t any friendlier to Usha. He mentions that he’s off to visit a Mrs Smyth. Usha remembers her as being important to Alan, as she made him feel so welcome when he first arrived in Ambridge. But Alan blanks her. Again.

Court shadowed by Lynda

David was telling Ruth that the nasty men who attached Adam are in remand, next step is Crown Court.

[David] “Adam sounded pretty good ...visitations from Lynda aside. She's been pestering him about his garden ... apparently it’s blighting the village green”

Seems Adam gave in to Lynda (we did hear his reply to her badgering the other day), and David also reports that Tom (via Darrell and Elona) also gave way.

[David] “Apparently every beautiful village requires a Stalinist reign of terror”

David’s on heat

Ghastly, but unfortunately true.

She and David find themselves in Brookfield alone, which is a very rare occurrence.

[David] “Unless, that is, you don't fancy, um ...”

[Ruth] “Go and do your work mister, that'll cool you off in no time”

Blimey. Wonder if those will have a late baby … *shudder*

(anyway, sounded like Josh was still in the house)

Sounds like Josh & Phoebe is more Josh

We heard Josh and Phoebe talking on Skype today. Josh was excited about taking Phoebe to cricket during the summer (is Phoebe coming back then? Just for the summer, or for good?). Phoebe sounded rather nonplussed.

(David came in to kick Josh off so he could get some work done. Seems David thinks the only way to talk on Skype is to shout).

Later on, David teases Josh.

[David] “You're going to impress Phoebe with his cricketing prowess. He's going to show her his googlies!”

Josh is not amused. But I think David’s rush. Josh has his first proper crush.

Toy Story

Is what Alan puts on to try and comfort Amy. It was her favourite as a child. (good lordy that makes me feel old).

[Alan] “Back then, I could just put in on, cuddle up on the sofa, and in a minute she'd be lost in it … I want to help her, like I used to. I just feel so useless. She doesn't deserve this”

[Usha] “No, but you can't protect her from the world, can you?”

When Amy comes into the room with popcorn, Usha leaves them to it. Neither of them is making her feel particularly welcome or wanted.

Later on, Alan’s paused the film. Amy thinks it’s because he’s scared (especially of the spider doll).

[Alan] “Oh come on, it's like something out of the exorcist!”

He wants to talk to Amy. She’s all adrift, with no-one but him to turn to:

[Amy] “You're the only one I know you really loves me”

Alan reckons her next man friend will have to go through a hefty set of tests before he’ll get to date her:

[Alan] “CV, birth certificate, blood group”

But when Alan tries to talk to Amy about Usha, she clams up again.

Emma’s back at work

Well, after she left Lower Loxley, she didn’t quite Brookfield at the same time. But, she’s now back at Lower Loxley for the weekend. Ruth reckons they need the cash.

Well, Princess attire does cost.

Usha turns to Ruth

Well, Alan isn’t listening.

[Ruth] “I’m sure that once she gets over the shock, she'll see you were in an impossible situation”

[Usha] “If I ask about her, he says it’s none of my business ... if he got angry, actually started shouted, at least we could deal with it, but this ... I’m sick of it Ruth. He can see how she's treating me. Perhaps it’s his way of punishing me”

[Ruth] “Usha, you’ve got to stop blaming this yourself. It wasn’t your fault”

[Usha] “I’m not sure I’ve even entered his thoughts”

[Ruth] “if Alan won’t see it, then you'll just to make him”

Easier said than done. Amy and Alan formed a fairly exclusive bond after Catherine died.

Lynda goes on a Bloomin’ rampage 15.05.12

The Archers Tuesday 15th May 2012
  • Poly tunnels excite Tom
  • The pig arks need moved … again!
  • Adam and Jennifer give Darrell their thumbs up
  • Prison or the mother of your victim?
  • Don’t worry about the farm
  • Lynda is doing odd things in the cemetery
  • Grubbed pasture
  • Harry didn’t get his shirt off
  • An elder statesman or stateswoman required
  • Lynda’s badly misbehaving
  • Elona’s definitely an honest ‘un

Poly tunnels excite Tom

[Tom] “It’s arrived!”

[Jazzer] “My delivery for the playboy mansion? … aye, I saw the grin on your face. Only you could look that excited about a ploy tunnel”

The pig arks need moved … again!

Really – anyone know if pig arks need moved every other week?

It seems to be the only thing Tom ever tells Jazzer to do.

Jazzer’s none too happy about having to do it today. Tom suspects he has a hangover, but Jazzer reckons it’s just because he’s been up early doing the mil round (surely he does that most days?).

Adam and Jennifer give Darrell their thumbs up

[Darrell] “Takes more than a whack over the head to see this one, eh!”

Adam is out having a slow wander with Jennifer, stopping to have a chat with his near neighbour Darrell.

Adam reckons he’s sweet, Jennifer that he seems like a good chap.

Wonder if Jennifer would still think that if she knew he had a record …

Prison or the mother of your victim?

I reckon most would choose prison every time. Especially when that mother happens to be Jennifer Aldridge.

The nasty blokes who attacked Adam are on remand. They’ll face a court trial fairly soon.

[Jennifer] “Well, when they get one, I hope they throw away the key!”

[Adam] “Perhaps we should set you on them mum, then they’ll get what they deserve”

Don’t worry about the farm

Is what Brian and Jennifer keep telling Adam – but they’re the ones who keep mentioning it,

Seems the bloke who’s been hired to help I settling in well. Two of the deer have had calves, and the herd’s ear tagging is going well.

Lynda is doing odd things in the cemetery

Really, is there anything Lynda could do that would surprise us?

She’s been gathering broken eggshells. The broken eggshells mean the peregrines’ eggs are hatching. Lynda’s trying to work out how many chicks they have from the shells.

Well, that’s reasonable enough, I’d say.

Grubbed pasture

[Tom] “Ed had his pasture grubbed up, he thought one of the pigs might have escaped”

But no, all of Tom’s pigs are present and correct.

What could be doing that then? The Ambridge Beast …?

Harry didn’t get his shirt off

What a horrid man he is! Sabrina’s been on heat for months and months … all for nothing.

[Jazzer] “Did I tell ye, about Harry and Sabrina Thwaite? He did his lady Chatterley act for her … on her flower beds, for the promises auction, made sure his husband was away … not that she got her money’s worth, he kept his shirt on, mair fool him”

Poor Sabrina.

Though a good day for her husband Richard, I’d say.

(and again, why isn’t Harry speaking at the moment? Not like him to leave Jazzer to tell his business)

An elder statesman or stateswoman required

To cut the giant cake at the Jubilee.

Apply to Lynda Snell.

Lynda’s badly misbehaving

Lynda had earlier tried to corner Adam, but he and Jennifer had pleaded that he was tired and needed rest.

So, Lynda later went round his house. She didn’t take the hint, then.

He tells her again that he’s tired. But she’s not listening.

[Lynda] “Have you any plans for your front garden? … do you think you might spruce up? … It needn’t be too taxing. And gardening can be wonderfully therapeutic”

We didn’t get to hear Adam’s reply …

Next, we can hear Lynda and Tom having a rather loud and terse discussion, while we’re actually over at Elona and Darrell’s eavesdropping on their conversation.

[Lynda] “You see, I’m only referring to the parts of your garden that face the Green”

Lynda points out that The Bull and the Village shop will be perfect. Tom points out that they’re businesses. She then points out that Christine and Jim will also be perfect. Tom points out that they’re retired. He and Brenda work, and work all hours.

(well, Tom does. I’m sure Brenda could spare a few hours after she’s done making Matt and Lilian’s coffee)

[Lynda] “Even Adam’s agreed. Yes Tom. Even Adam. And I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be the one to spoilt it”

Tom tries to use Tony’s heart attack as an excuse (actually, it’s a fair one. Tom has to work extra to allow Tony to ease himself back into work gently).

[Lynda] “Maybe you should think of it as time to relax!”

Relax? Tom reckons he barely has time to breathe.

They’ve hit an impasse – until Darrell and Elona pop over. I thought they were about to complain about the noise, but they’re over to offer to do Tom and Brenda’s garden for them. Seems Elona has green fingers (but she also has at least 2 jobs … the busier helping the busy, it would seem).

[Lynda] “That’s what Britain in Bloom ought to be about, people pulling together to help one another, even when they’re still relatively new to the community. Upstanding citizens”

That’s the third resident to give Darrell and Elona their okay today. This must be heading to a great reveal of Darrell’s past.

Elona’s definitely an honest ‘un

Darrell’s chuffed that Matt is going to give him some regular work, 2 or 3 days a week at least.

Elona’s not so chuffed. Though they need the work, she’s not happy that Matt only pays Darrell cash in hand. She wants Darrell to talk to Matt about it, to make it a proper arrangement.

[Darrell] “I can’t. It’s none of my business”

Lynda gets squiffy 14.05.12

The Archers Monday 14th May 2012
  • The recession finally hits Elizabeth?
  • Racing insect larvae
  • Ambridge lost (badly) to Waterly Cross
  • A lethal cocktail
  • The Fields in Trust have visited
  • Roy doesn’t seem keen to leave for home
  • Lynda’s on a Britain in Bloom mission

The recession finally hits Elizabeth?

Seems business isn’t blooming at Lower Loxley.

[Jill] “Well at least people are still getting married. Don’t worry darling, I’m sure business will pick up”

Racing insect larvae

The Village Fete committee convenes

It was tonight, at The Bull. With Kenton also on the committee, alongside the usual suspects, to help with the games. Obviously, they play an important part this year because of the Olympics.

[Kenton] “London better watch. After I’m finished, the Ambridge Fete will be THE festival of sport”

As Kenton outlines his plans:

[Lynda] “Kenton, you’re not serious, a caterpillar race!”

[Kenton] “Absolutely”

[Lynda] “So, in addition to hurling boots around …”

[Kenton] “Ah, competitive well wanging”

[Lynda] “And bouncing about on space hoppers”

[Jill] “The children would love that!”

[Lynda] “You’re now saying we should descend to the level of racing insect larvae”

[Kenton] “No, we’re not going to actually race caterpillars Lynda. We tie people into sleeping bags, and they wriggle along the ground as if they were caterpillars”

[Lynda] “Oh, for goodness sake!”

[Jill, who is obviously in a good mood] “I think it sounds rather fun”

[Lynda] “Look, I can abide the tug of war, at least it was an Olympic sport, but please everyone, can we not aspire to something more elevated, such as my idea for a celebration of art, poetry and prose”

[Jill] “Kenton’s ideas would have a wider appeal”

They ask Usha (who is in the room, but very quiet. Only Jill seemed to notice, later remarking “Did Usha seem okay to you?”) about what she’d prefer:

[Lynda] “The imaginative output of the children of the village, beautifully displayed in the village hall”

[Kenton] “Or an adrenalin pumped battle between human caterpillars!”

Usha goes with caterpillars.

[Lynda] “What about those people who don’t like sport. We’re going to have so much of it this summer, we can’t all be athletes can we, I’m thinking particularly of the youngsters now … I genuinely believe this elitist culture of competition can be extremely corrosive (sniff) I still have very painful memories of being ostracised at school because I wasn’t good at hockey. And these things leave scars”

[Kenton] “Yeah, on your shins maybe”

[Lynda] “Oh you can mock Kenton”

[Kenton] “I don’t think anyone’s going to be ostracised because they fall off their space hopper!”

It seems Lynda had her sports kit hidden at school, and, by the sounds of it, hasn’t got over it.

Jill suggests that they could have awards for stuff other than winning. Best sportsman like behaviour, and such.

[Kenton, sarcastically] “Sportsperson like, please”

[Jill, reminding him who’s mum] “Kenton!”

And with that, they all agree on Kenton’s rather than Lynda’s ideas.

[Lynda] “Left on the sidelines again …”

(oh good lord – was Lynda also the last picked for every game? No wonder she’s bitter).

Ambridge lost (badly) to Waterly Cross

The cricket team really does seem to be suffering minus Adam (due to injury), and the permanent loss of David and Robert.

Though Rhys has stepped up, he’s not exactly got the experience. Which Kenton is quick to point out.

[Kenton] “It was a compliment. It was. You just have an usual batting style. Have you played tennis?”

Rhys is not amused. He’d been laughed at enough during the game itself.

A lethal cocktail

[Kenton] “To her Madge. May her subjects never go thirsty”

For the Jubilee, you can order a picnic box from The Bull to then go and sit out to enjoy the party.

Kenton and Rhys are also creating jubilee themes cocktails.

They give Jill one to taste. She’s beyond horrified … one assumes because it’s so strong (knowing Rhys and Kenton). She makes Kenton promise not to give it to anyone else.

But, boys will be boys.

Kenton insists that Lynda sup of their cocktail before she leaves, after the committee meeting.

[Lynda] “I have to admit, that’s actually rather delicious”

It has sparkling wine, peach schnapps and cherry liqueur.

Kenton insists Lynda finishes her glass …

A few moments later, when Lynda is talking to Jill outside, Lynda is hiccupping. And sounding a bit slurred. Spotting something is awry …

[Jill] “Are you cycling home?”

The Fields in Trust have visited

And they should have approval for the site BL has (generously …!) given to the village.

Roy doesn’t seem keen to leave for home

Elizabeth even had to threaten to put his coat on him.

It’s well past office hours, but Roy is keen to keep going.

He’s excited about entering Lower Loxley wine for Wine of the Year.

[Elizabeth] “Thank you … You can’t imagine how proud Nigel would be”

Hayley won’t be so chuffed. I though Roy had earlier mentioned that she needed to get to the Fete committee meeting – but that Vicky and Mike could take care of the kids if need be.

But, Hayley wasn’t at the committee meeting. Oh dear. Could that have had something to do with Roy being late?

And is it just the work that’s keeping Roy so engrossed with lower Loxley?!?

Lynda’s on a Britain in Bloom mission

Though a tad tiddly, Lynda is genuinely concerned about Britain in Bloom.

She thinks she can rely on Jim and Christine doing them proud with both their gardens, and the village hall. Susan will take care of the Village Shop, Jolene The Bull. But, she’s concerned about Honeysuckle Cottage (Adam and Ian), and No.1 The Green (Tom and Brenda). Everyone facing the Green has to have a perfect garden.

Problem is, Adam and Ian have more important matters to care about (Adam recovering from his attack), and Tom and Brenda are fairly busy with work.

[Lynda] “But this is important. What about all the hard work everyone else is putting in”

[Jill] “Surely it’s the taking part that counts”

[Lynda] “Heavens no. I want to win. There’s no point doing it otherwise”

Oh blimey. Be very afraid, those of you round the Green without a perfect garden!

Usha’s still being ostracised 13.05.12

The Archers Sunday 13th May 2012
  • Church is the answer
  • Alan and Amy really aren’t being remotely Christian
  • Adam gets room service
  • Fly has passed away
  • The giant WI cake

Church is the answer

Well, it is if you’re Alan.

[Alan] “What do you reckon to it Amy, eh? A bit of time in church”

No. Amy would rather stay in bed. She’s had no sleep, a long shift and would rather be alone.

When Jennifer later commended Alan on his sermon, seems it had been about trusting in God to heal a broken heart. Jennifer felt Alan had spoken it from the heart.

So, that’s why he was so keen for Amy to attend.

Alan and Amy really aren’t being remotely Christian

Usha tries to talk to Amy:

[Usha] “I know you’re angry with me, but I don’t want it to be like this … please, just hear me out. I’m sorry, I made a mistake. I should have told you about Carl … but the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. You mean the world to me … I just didn’t know what to do for the best. You were so happy … I didn’t want to shatter your illusions”

[Amy] “You thought I knew. About Carl being married … you let me make a complete fool of myself … dreaming about all the things me and Carl were going to do together … and all that was just a fantasy … you stood there and you let him lie, and give you flowers and take me away … have you any idea how violated that makes me feel? Well, have you?”

[Usha] “Amy. I made a mistake. I don’t want what else to say to you”

[Amy] “Try saying nothing. You’re good at that”

Amy’s still beyond herself with fury that Usha not only knew about Carl, but that Usha also though Amy knew. She’s just not that sort of girl. Which, Amy thinks, Usha should know.

Alan’s not any better towards Usha. He’s still being short with her.

After Usha had tried to talk to Amy, Amy left and went to see Alan at the Church, visibly upset.

[Alan] “Usha, honestly, just leave it … I wouldn’t try talking to her for a while. Please Usha, just leave it. Let me deal with Amy, ok!”

What on earth is wrong with Alan? Understandable Amy is lashing out, but Alan’s normally so reasonable.

Seems not so when it comes to his daughter. Even if that means being none too understanding to his wife.

Adam gets room service

And quite right too. Ian’s such a wee gem – he brings Adam continental coffee, croissants, Jill’s honey (yum!), orange juice and the Sunday papers.

[Adam] “You don’t have to go to this trouble. It almost makes me glad I got bashed over the head … it’s the most time we’ve spent together in months”

Adam’s enjoying it so much; he even tries to encourage Ian to pull a sickie. But Ian’s not for persuading. He has to get back to work, and Jennifer will take over caring for Adam (which she’s more than likely desperate to do).

[Adam] “So, one more day. I suppose we better make the most of it then”

Ian suggests going to the cricket match, even though he hates cricket. He reckons he can do with some practise watching it ahead of the test match Brian got Adam tickets for, and:

[Ian] “If I do get bored, I can fall asleep in the sun”

Fly has passed away

Fly was one of Home Farm’s dogs. He died peacefully, Brian finding hum curled up this morning.

[Adam] “It won’t be the same without him lolloping up in the morning to say hello”

God speed, fly. Have a grand time in that great rabbit field in the sky.

The giant WI cake

Is being made by the WI for the Jubilee.

Clarrie has to ice 60 (yes, 60!) sponges.

They also need volunteers to eat it.

Sounds like a tough job.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Alan’s not being particularly vicar-like 11.05.12

The Archers Friday 11th May 2012
  • Brian wants to watch swifts
  • Alan doesn’t want Usha’s food
  • Game pie and hazelnut meringues
  • Alan’s loses his temper
  • Welshman playing cricket = Ambridge laughed at?
  • Adam didn’t remember about the Super Dairy
  • Mark Winford
  • Usha can’t even walk into a room …

Brian wants to watch swifts

Brian suggests that he and Jennifer take a walk to Valley Farm. Jennifer mentions that there are swifts nesting there, which Brian fakes interest in …

When they get to Valley Farm:

[Jennifer] “They’re astonishing; They’re flown all the way from Africa just to build their nests here”

Which start Jennifer off on wishing her kids would come home more often.

Which also starts her off again on wondering why Debbie can’t be with them. Especially when Brian needs help to run the farm.

Ah … but what’s this?

Brian’s spotted a barn. That could be the perfect spot for a couple of houses.

And … oh really? … the land is coming up for sale! It’d actually be perfect for housing the Super Dairy workers.

Oh Brian. You’re so subtle

[Jennifer] “What about the swifts. I mean it’s their home too”

[Brian] “I know. Birds have their risks too”

[Jennifer] “I’m serious Brian. Those birds have nested here for as long as I can remember”

So, two points for me.

Firstly, if it’s land coming up for sale, Matt and Lilian will know about it.

Secondly, Brian should know that Jennifer doesn’t muck around when it comes to things she loves. That includes swifts.

Good luck buying and converting. You’ll have Matt and Jennifer in the way.

Alan doesn’t want Usha’s food

Though Usha had bought food for her, Alan and Amy’s tea, Alan’s already making a lasagne. He wants Amy to have comfort food. Not something Usha’s bought.

Game pie and hazelnut meringues

It’s a day of food.

Jennifer’s brought Adam a game pie. Though he lives with a chef, Jennifer reasons that even Ian wants some time away from the cooker.

Infact, though Ian is meant to be off of work, he’s gone in today to check the catering for a wedding.

The hazelnut meringues are a major concern.

Alan’s loses his temper

Oh! That was a shock.

[Alan] “How could that man just toy with the emotions if a young girl like Amy, knowing full well he was going to break his heart? How can he just walk away? How can he sleep at night!?!”

Alan’s stunned that Carl could have been so callous to Amy. Infact, to all of them. He’s especially smarting over the ‘I visit my grandmother every weekend’ lie. (assuming it was)

[Usha] “It’s a kind of psychopathic behaviour …”

[Alan] “Is that supposed to be some sort of excuse for him? … please just spare me your insights into the criminal mind.  I don’t care why he’s like that, I just want to find out where he’s holed up, and wipe that smarmy ingratiating smile off his face and punch his perfect teeth out. I want to punch him to the floor and kick him when he’s down … I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I'm a man of god. I’m a peacemaker”

[Usha] “You’re Amy’s father first and foremost”

But Alan’s not interested in Usha’s reasoning. He tells her that she can’t possibly understand (one assumes because she’s not a mum), and that she most certainly doesn’t understand Amy.

[Usha] “I made a mistake, Alan. I’ve said I’m sorry. You’ve got to forgive me”

[Alan] “I know. I know that … I’m going for a walk”

Welshman playing cricket = Ambridge laughed at?

So reckons Adam.

Adam didn’t remember about the Super Dairy

Adam’s still has a very sore head.

Not surprisingly, really.

But it also comes with a bad memory. Even for things that happened before he was attacked.

[Adam] “There is one thing I feel I should remember … the plan for the BL dairy … it is going ahead, isn’t it?”

Blimey! He doesn’t even remember that the Super Dairy has got planning permission.

Quite oddly, Jennifer tries to cheer Adam up by telling him that there’s still massive opposition to the Super Dairy, so he has to make sure that “they don’t give up the fight”.


Jennifer really has to completely split herself when it comes to her son and husband.

Good on her.

I think …

Mark Winford

Starts work on Monday at Home Farm.

Usha can’t even walk into a room …

… without Amy and Alan turning stony.


Monday, 21 May 2012

A Welshman to play cricket 10.05.12

The Archers Thursday 10th May 2012
  • Will doesn’t mind Nic going out ‘wearing that’
  • Chris would get drunk, Alice would cry
  • Ifty in action
  • Alice drools over Rhys
  • Rhys joins Ambridge cricket team
  • The maypole ended in disaster
  • Alice drools over Ifty

Will doesn’t mind Nic going out ‘wearing that’

Blimey, Will really has utterly changed beyond all recognition!

As he find clean pyjamas for Mia to wear before he puts the kids to bed, Nic’s off out to do a shift at The Bull.

[Will] “I do like that top. Very sexy”

[Nic] “Do you think? Should I change … I don’t want to stand behind the bar looking like a tart!”

[Will] “You don’t look like a tart. You look lovely”

Not even six months ago, Will would have locked Nic in the cellar (if they have one) rather than let her go out looking alluring.

Chris would get drunk, Alice would cry

Seems Amy has gone home, so Chris has Alice back to himself.

[Alice] “You were so sweet. Discreetly sloping off like that”

[Chris] “I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know someone could cry that much”

Alice says she would cry that much if Chris dumped her. Chris reckoned he’d go out on the lash, and pull another woman.

Ifty in action

[Ifty] “That’s more like it. Well done. You got it right in the sweet spot”

(where’s the “sweet spot” in cricket then?)

He was coaching Daniel, who Alistair thinks took a lot of persuading to go to nets in the first place. Though they both reckon Daniel is quite good (Alistair thinks he must have got that from his birth dad Mark).

[Ifty] “Eye on the ball Daniel. Not the Girls.”

Alice drools over Rhys

Rhys had been helping Jamie out with his cricket practice. He seemingly has a go himself, and could hit the ball quite hard.

[Alice] “Well I can imagine … that Rhys can really wallop a ball. I mean, look at those lovely biceps”

[Chris] “Excuse me, do you mind not squeezing another man muscles infront of me?”

[Alice] “Oh, you’re a farrier Chris, don’t be ridiculous”

Rhys joins Ambridge cricket team

Seems Alistair saw Rhys helping Jamie practice, and has asked him along to nets (as well as signed him up for the Single Wicket … is it that time of year already?).

[Rhys] “I don’t even know the rules”

[Alice] “There’re not rules, they’re laws”

With Adam not been able to play, word is that Rhys could be asked to play for the team.

[Rhys] “Me, play for Ambridge?”

[Nic] “What’s this? Another one of your bizarre fantasies?”

(oh – I’d like to hear more of Rhys’ bizarre fantasies. Juts out of interest, of course).

At the last nets, only seven people tuned up.

[Alistair] “And they all retired early to the pub”

At their last game (the first of the season), Ambridge lost to Netherbourne.

[Alistair] “Quite embarrassingly badly”

And it’s not only Adam out of action. David’s not playing (not one of their best players, but seems he’s a good all-rounder), and Robert has retired. So … Alistair asks Rhys to “turn out”.

[Rhys] “You really are serious … just wait until I tell my mam. This is always as good as being asked to play rugby for Wales. Well not quite, but nearly!”

(calm down my boy. Rugby over cricket? And your national team Vs a local team? Surely not!)

The maypole ended in disaster

[Alice] “A bit of a pile up and they all got their ribbons tangled”

[Nic] “I bet it was deliberate, that little Tilly Button …”

Alice drools over Ifty

[Will] “Well, he’s just come into the bar, so you girls can feats your eyes!”

(beyond shocked at the change in Will Grundy! And he’s at The Bull because Clarrie’s babysitting, by the way)

As Alistair and Ifty try and work out how to get Ambridge up to a full team, Alice, Nic, Will and Chris pressgang him.

Though Alistair and Ifty settle on Jamie as another player to bring in (though he wasn’t reliable before, he’s now taller), the gang try to get Ifty to play for Ambridge.

And they do so why Alice is giggling. She’s blatantly silly over Ifty.

[Chris] “Come along Mrs Carter!”

Though they leave Alistair and Ifty to discuss Ifty at least coaching for the Ambridge team, Alice hasn’t had enough.

[Chris] “You’re doing it again! Eyeing him up”

[Alice] “I’m merely admiring, in an aesthetic sort of way the admirable proportions of his physic”

Rhys then starts winding Nic up about also having a fancy for Ifty. He reckons Nic said:

[Rhys] “That his skin was like toasted cinnamon, his hair black like a raven’s wing, and his eyes like deep pools of chocolate …”

Nic does not concur. She claims she only went down to watch nets as her kids might be interested in cricket (though they are far, far, too young to play).

[Will] “Not the best excuse I’ve ever heard …Well I know it’s not true, but you look so lovely when you blush”

(again, where’s Will! What a transformation)

Blood’s thicker than marriage 09.05.12

The Archers Wednesday 9th May 2012
  • Well hello Keith Horrobin!
  • Ruth’s not happy with Pat
  • Pat and Ruth lose their cojones
  • Usha gets the cold shoulder
  • Keith’s business isn’t doing well
  • The Ambridge Beast is seen again!
  • Susan mentions the white elephant

Well hello Keith Horrobin!

Has Keith Horrobin ever spoken in Ambridge before?

He certainly did tonight. Right old chatterbox was Keith.

Keith turned up at Bert’s (well, Tracey’s). He was surprised to see how much work had to be done to the house.

[Keith] “What a difference a coat of paint makes, eh!”

Tracey gloated about all the changes, and how Neil had done all of the work.

[Tracey] “Susan picked a good ‘un there”

Though Keith wasn’t just round to admire Neil’s paintwork. He was there to tell Tracey about some good family news. His Samantha is getting married to Ash.

Hurrah! A Horrobin wedding.

Though Samantha and Ash had a “rough patch” last year, they’ve made up and have decided to make themselves proper. They also want Tracey’s Chelsea to be a bridesmaid – which is seemingly Chelsea’s “number one ambition”.

Ruth’s not happy with Pat

Well, technically she’s not happy with Tom for asking Pip to run the Gourmet Burger van.

[Ruth] “I appreciate he needs the help. I just wish he’d found someone else”

Pat could only apologise. But must be secretly pleased that Bridge Farm has another helping hand.

Is Pip still going to do the milking?

Pat and Ruth lose their cojones

Ruth wasn’t just round to have a go at Pat because of Tom.

Ruth and Pat had a meeting with Hattie Marshall (of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

The news isn’t that good. Hattie thinks that although they could appeal against the Super Dairy being given planning permission, the appeal would cost them. And they’d likely lose.

But, Hattie thinks that there’s more than one way to stop a Super Dairy. She thinks the next step would be to put “real” pressure on BL:

[Hattie] “Make it more trouble that it’s worth”

So, that means (in Hattie’s mind) picketing the Mart again. Try and force business to go elsewhere, while getting publicity.

Ruth isn’t so sure. She’s mainly thinking of the impact it’d have on David as NFU Chair. He’s supposed to remain neutral.

[Hattie] “This has got to be a matter of individual conscience … but there’s a big principle at stake here”

So, Hattie suggests a boycott of all Home Farm produce. Which would largely mean their soft fruit and venison. Which is Adam’s side of the business. And Adam, as we all know, is already against the Super Dairy.

[Pat] “I don’t feel comfortable with a boycott that hits someone that’s opposed to the boycott anyway”

[Hattie, getting frustrated] “I’m beginning to sense that neither of you have the stomach to carry on”

She’s quite right. Pat and Ruth tell her that they think they’ve already lost. Nothing more to be done.

[Hattie] “There are plenty of people who are appalled that the Council has capitulated to BL”

So although Pat and Ruth have given up, Hattie is very much full steam ahead …

… hmmm. The protest against the Super Dairy being led by a non-local.

That’ll be interesting.

Usha gets the cold shoulder

Usha calls Ruth, very upset.

Amy’s still not come home from Alice’s. And Alan is “out of his mind” with worry. But he won’t talk to Usha as he thinks Amy not being at home is Usha’s fault (for not telling Amy that Carl was married. If he is).

When Ruth later meets up with Usha, she finds Usha annoyed at herself for having “procrastinated”.

[Usha] “That’s the worst thing. He’s absolutely wretched … he can’t talk to me about it … He so desperately wants her to come home. And because of me she won’t … for so many years it was Alan and Amy against the world … and now, I’m on the outside again”

Keith’s business isn’t doing well

Does Keith run a garage? Car showroom?

Seems he does. He was saying that he hasn’t sold anything in a fortnight, so is surviving on MOTs and maintenance.

‘Tis tough out there indeed.

The Ambridge Beast is seen again!

And nearly rear ended another car when it braked suddenly as “the beast” ran across the road.

[Keith] “Biggish, brownish”

Seems Jazzer has also had a “beast” experience.

[Susan] “Seen what he describes as a great hairy mutant disappearing into the morning mist”

[Keith] “Probably was Lynda Snell”


So, what do we reckon “the beast” is?

An escaped zoo animal? A (very) large lurcher?

Susan mentions the white elephant

Talking about Keith’s Samantha getting married, Susan wonders when Ed and Emma will do the deed.

[Keith] “At least Emma’s a Grundy already”