Saturday, 19 May 2012

The Beast of Ambridge? 03.05.12

The Archers Thursday 3rd May 2012
  • Squirrel, cheetah, lioness, hedgehog, fox … or beast?
  • Jolene’s in a mood with Lynda
  • Usha and Ruth/Amy and Carl
  • Pip’s Bridge Farm headed?
  • Why is Ruth living life vicariously?
  • David’s fine, by the way
  • Amy wants Carl 24/7

Squirrel, cheetah, lioness, hedgehog, fox … or beast?

Jim and Lynda have made up after their run in yesterday over the theme if the village fete (I actually thought it wasn’t very heated).

[Jim] “Spots versus the arts. It’s an interesting debate”

They’re re-bonding by taking Scruff out for a walk.

[Jim] “He’s an inquisitive boy, isn’t he?”

[Lynda] “That’s because he’s intelligent”

Scruff suddenly runs off and starts barking. Lynda reckons it might just be a squirrel.


Lynda has to go and get Scruff:

[Lynda] “Do you think Scruff has found a particularly large squirrel?”

When she gets to him, she sounds quite shocked. Scruff also starts whimpering rather than barking.

(for a moment, I thought they’d found a dead body. Very common thing for dog walkers to do)

When Lynda (and Scruff) gets back to Jim, she’s very upset.

[Lynda] “I caught sight of something running off … but I tell you this Jim, it was bigger than a squirrel!”

What could be bigger than a squirrel, Lynda?

[Lynda] “I’m telling you Jim, it was a big cat … it was the size of a cheetah, or perhaps a small lioness”

[Jim] “And what would a cheetah, or perhaps a small lioness, be doing in Haydan Wood, this isn’t the African veld!”

[Lynda] “I don’t know. Maybe it’s escaped”

[Jim] “Where from? Manorfield Close!?!”

[Lynda] “People do keep exotic pets illegally you know”

[Jim] “In Ambridge?”

[Lynda] “In Borchestershire!”

Jim’s not convinced. Though we all heard of the ‘big cat’ or local beast stories, he thinks there’s no proper evidence behind them.

[Jim] “We like to believe in monsters. It’s an age old human desire”

Jim then went on to say that if wolves and bears were reintroduced to the UK, that the big cat sightings would stop.

(odd reasoning, but I see his point)

He thinks Lynda has just seen a large fox.

[Jim] “Well perhaps they’re getting bigger, we are. Perhaps it was an obese urban fox come for a rest cure with its rural cousins … perhaps it was a very nasty fox. They don’t have a very good reputation in fairy stories”

He also wonders why, if it was a big cat/beast, why it didn’t roar.

[Lynda] “I thought I heard some snuffling”

[Jim] “Mystery solved. Must have been a giant hedgehog. Even the little ones sound asthmatic … I’d be scared of a giant hedgehog!”

[Lynda] “You won’t change my mind,. Ambridge has its own big cat. I’m sure of it”

Wasn’t there talk of an Ambridge Beast back in the 80s?

I’d also though there was one back in 2010 when there was avian slaughter in the churchyard (turned out to be the Peregrines).

Anyhoo – it’s back!

Jolene’s in a mood with Lynda

Which isn’t really fair. She should only be in a mood with James and Leonie.

After all the effort Jolene went to training her regulars to make the bulls horn for James and Leonie’s flyover, the book is no longer going to be published. Because James and Leonie have split up.

Which is hardly any of Lynda’s doing.

[Lynda] “It’s guilt by association”

Anyhoo, all might be well. Jim thinks they could use Jolene’s bull horns as part of the Olympic/Village fete celebrations.

Usha and Ruth/Amy and Carl

As Usha chews Ruth’s ear about her worries over Amy and Carl, Amy and Carl are off having a rather fine time in Bristol.

Usha thinks Amy can’t know about Carl being married (if he is) as she was the one who wanted the impromptu holiday.

[Ruth] “If people trust you they believe you. I’m afraid it’s really easy to lie to them …Has he genuinely fallen for Amy or is he just stringing her along?”

[Usha] “How can I possibly tell? He’s just a brilliant liar”

Over with Amy and Carl, carl’s counselling that they should enjoy the moment:

[Carl] “Not until tomorrow morning. Let’s seize the day”

(he says that sort of thing a lot. Like they have to enjoy what they have before it all falls apart …)

Over to Usha and Ruth:

[Usha] “It’s awful, It makes me feel like I’m his accomplice, keeping his secret for him”

What’s more, all of this has happened when Usha and Amy were becoming close.

[Usha] “These last twelve months, Amy has really felt like my daughter”

Ever the practical Ruth:

[Ruth] “You know what you can do now, tell Amy, or Alan, as soon as you can”

Quite right. Either which way, Usha can at least stop torturing herself.

Pip’s Bridge Farm headed?

Well, she’s certainly becoming a fixture.

Wonder if Pip will become part of Tim’s Empire rather than having to fight Josh (and possibly Ben) for a spot at Brookfield.

Why is Ruth living life vicariously?

[Ruth] “I do love having a daughter to I can live through it all again. All of the pleasure, none of the pain”

Life a bit dull, Ruth?

But true enough that Pip seems to be doing well in work, and in love.

David’s fine, by the way

Though obviously obsessed by Carl and Amy, Usha remembers to ask if David is okay after having found Adam (nearly as he’d once found Nigel).

Ruth says he’s fine. It’d been her panicking.

Amy wants Carl 24/7

As Carl is wishing every day could be like the day they’re having together in Bristol, Amy drops a whopper.

She asks if she should move in. So that every day could be like this.

[Amy] “Wake up together, have breakfast together … we could do that every day …I just want to be with you. All the time. And I know you want that too”

Oh ‘eck!

We didn’t get to hear carl’s response, but wonder what his wife will say (if Usha is right that he has one).

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