Monday, 30 April 2012

Adam wakes up 30.04.12

The Archers Monday 30th April 2012
  • Debbie puts work first
  • What if Amy’s happy to be a mistress?
  • The mention of caravans wakes Adam up
  • Having his hair done makes Adam speak

Debbie puts work first

[Jennifer] “Oh and that’s more important, of course”

Jennifer’s leathering Debbie by phone for not flying over to see (the still unconscious) Adam.

Though Debbie claims she is thinking of them all, she can’t leave her work.

Despite her brother being critical. Despite Brian badly needing help to run Home Farm. Despite Jennifer pleading with her to be there.

[Debbie] “There’s no good trying to make me feel guilty, but I can’t come”

Though Debbie reckons she has good reason. Her deputy’s wife has done into premature labour, so there’s no-one to take over. And she reckons it’s a critical week for negotiations they’re having with the Hungarian government over land that they lease.

[Jennifer] “It’s Adam you see, darling, I keep thinking maybe if he just heard your voice …”

I don’t buy it, Debbie.

Surely there’s nothing that should be big enough to keep you away from your brother, and rest of family, in such a dire situation?

What if Amy’s happy to be a mistress?

About Carl being married.

Though it’s starting to get complicated …

First off, Usha is basing her knowledge of Carl being married on what Annabelle told her.

So, in my humble opinion, this could all be a red herring.

Ruth suggests to Usha that she should talk to Alan. But Usha thinks she should actually talk to Amy first.

[Ruth] “Are you sure that’s the right way around?”

[Usha] “At first I was sure Amy doesn’t know about this … but suppose she does … suppose she knows Carl’s married?”

Ruth can’t believe that Amy would be with Carl if she knew that he was married, but Usha thinks love conquers all. Especially as this is the first time Amy has been in love.

[Usha] “And she’s so inexperienced”

[Ruth] “And so happy”

[Usha] “I just keeping thinking Ruth … who could do that to his partner … I could no more do that to Alan than, I could fly …”

[Ruth, sounding sheepish] “No …”

[Usha, only now remembering about Sam] “Oh Ruth, I’m so sorry!”

[Ruth] “Don’t say it was different, what I did. You kid yourself that you want it so much, it must be alright”

If Amy does know, Usha thinks it’ll also be because Carl will have done the ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ line.

[Ruth] “I’m not in a position to cast the first stone at Amy, no matter what she’s done”

[Usha] “And I’m not. It’s Alan I’m worried about … he'd be so bitterly disappointed”

[Ruth] “Do you think so? I thought he was so liberal in his views”

Only so far, it would seem. Usha reckons Alan will blame himself if Amy is happy to be with a man who is already married. He will think he’s failed.

So – upshot if that Usha needs to talk to Amy first to find out if Amy does know, before she says anything to Alan that will upset him.

The mention of caravans wakes Adam up

As Jennifer talks to the (still unconscious)  about everything the needs to do on the farm – spraying, walking the fields to start the seasons plans, getting the caravans ready for the fruit pickers …

[Jennifer] “Adam? Adam, can you hear me … nurse!”

Next we hear Ian shouting at someone to get a move on with the vegetables (one assumes he’s back at work). He takes a call from Jennifer.

[Jennifer] “Don’t worry … its good news … I was talking to him and I saw his eyelids flutter … he responded”

Having his hair done makes Adam speak

As Ian is tidying Adam’s hair so he can look respectable when he wakes up proper (seems the nurse doesn’t do it the way Adam likes it), Adam makes a grunt.

Then wakes.

 [Adam] “Ian … where  … throat sore … hospital, why … how long … go on …. Go on, my hair, nice …”

Jennifer comes back to see Adam fully awake (with an obviously delighted Ian), and plays Adam a voice message that Debbie recorded for him.

Welcome back Adam!

(Shame on you, Debbie. Far too little. Far too late)

Adam still isn’t waking 29.04.12

The Archers Sunday 29th April 2012
  • No change
  • The family gather
  • Alan has announced it is May
  • Carl pops round
  • It’s not normal, Adam being still

No change

Adam isn’t any better. He isn’t any worse. And he still hasn’t woken up.

Jennifer’s worried that the pressure in his brain hasn’t lessened:

[Jennifer] “The longer it stays high …”

Oh dear.

The family gather

Alice and Jennifer are at the hospital. Peggy and Lilian are on their way. Though they are a bit worried about how Peggy will cope:

[Alice] “She’s strong, and Aunty Lilian won’t be lost for words”

And what of Debbie and Kate?

[Jennifer] “Kate, bless her, she’d have got on the next plan if I’d let her!”

[Alice] “Well that’s Kate … Debbie likes to do things properly”

Eh? What does that mean? Debbie can only come and see her very seriously hurt brother if she has time to pack. book the right seats on the plane and leave copious notes for the business to carry on without her?


If so, why would Alice defend that?

[Jennifer] “It would be awful if …”

[Ian] “She didn’t get here in time … we just don’t know, do we. That’s the worst thing. We don’t know how he is”

Alan has announced it is May

[Alan] “There it was, Mike struggling to put up the maypole on the green. Proof positive”

We believe you!

Carl pops round

Just as Usha seemed to be about to talk to Alan about Carl (possibly being married), Amy bursts in to say that Carl is going to visit, to take her out. Which is a nice surprise for her as he had been planning to spend the whole weekend with his nan (!).

He’s brought flowers for Usha, and Alan’s favourite wine. Which he’d remembered after Amy had only mentioned it once. Seems he has a great memory.

[Usha] “That must be very useful … in your work”


She’s on to you, matey.

It’s not normal, Adam being still

Ian’s used to Adam being a bit of a mover in bed … he normally has to keep pulling the duvet back over them during the night.

[Ian] “He seems to put as much energy into sleeping as he does to everything else …”

So, seeing Adam lying so still is worrying. Though Jennifer thinks Adam is working hard as he lies there, fighting.

[Ian] “We need you back”

Ian wants Adam to wake up 27.04.12

The Archers Friday 27th April 2012
  • Ian and Adam
  • Jennifer’s third head trauma
  • David’s third death?
  • Alan’s home
  • Debbie isn’t home

Ian and Adam

[Ian] “I’ve got to hand it to you love, you’ve got us all worried, even Brian. If you were looking for a way to take his eye off the ball with the dairy, this is a cracker”

Adam is still unconscious.

So Ian’s sitting next to him in the hospital, talking “rubbish”.

[Ian] “I’m hoping he’ll get so annoyed he’ll wake up and tell me to shut it! …It’s the same thing over and over. That I love him. That I want him to come back. If he’d just stir. Seeing him lying like this …”

On the robbers who hurt Adam so badly:

[Ian] “Deliberate, mindless, brutal …”

(when they’re found, just put them into a room with Ian and a few of his kitchen knives)

[Jennifer] “But I don’t care what happens to them, as long as he wakes up”

(later on, David has been able to identify them from Police mug shots. After all they did, as David kept repeating, also (allegedly) try to run him over)

Ian’s also refusing to leave Adam’s side to get some sleep.

[Ian] “I want to be here when Adam wakes up. That must be soon,. Mustn’t it. It must!”

Later speaking to Alan:

[Ian] “This is going to sound really selfish Alan, but no one has ever loved me like Adam has. He’s changed my life. I love him so much. If he doesn’t wake up, Alan, I don’t know what I’m going to do”

As Ian finally accepts that he should get some sleep:

[Ian] “It means you can stay asleep a bit longer, which seems to be what you want … it’s more than a day since we last spoke, and that wasn’t much of a conversation … you’re always such a grump in the morning. I mean I know I’m always telling you it’s because you don’t get enough sleep, but seriously, this is overdoing it so, when I get back sleeping beauty, I want you back and as grumpy as ever …”

(oh Ian …)

Jennifer’s third head trauma

She’s really not having much luck. Brian twice (I’d forgotten about the momentary epilepsy), and now her son.

David’s third death?

(oh I do hope not)

Jethro. Nigel. Now Adam.


[Ruth] “It must have been so awful for him finding Adam. As if Nigel wasn’t enough for one life time”

Alan’s home

And wasn’t Usha pleased to see him!

Though the first thing he asks about is what’s the gossip:

[Usha] “I don’t think your retreats done you any good. It hasn’t purified your thoughts!”

[Alan] “It’s made me appreciate the variety and richness of the community I live in …”

Just as Usha is about to talk to him about what she’s discovered about Carl (being married, we assume), Ruth calls.

Ruth’s worried for David (so needs a sympathetic ear) and also wants to tell Alan about Adam, so that he can offer his support (which he does).

Ruth later offers Usha her supportive ear if she ever needs it. But Usha’s not for offloading about Carl. Not right yet.

Debbie isn’t home

Jennifer was saying that Debbie was “frantic”, but couldn’t get away.


Work or brother?!?

Debbie really has changed into quite an awful person.

Adam is attacked 26.04.12

The Archers Thursday 26th April 2012
  • David’s first on the scene (again)
  • Usha’s going to pick her moment
  • Brian bestows a gift to the village
  • Alice is “restricted”
  • At the hospital
David’s first on the scene (again)

Adam called David to say that a bloke called Jeff had called him (still with me?) to tell him that a truck and van with a low loader had been seen near the Home Farm poly tunnels.

With Brian out on the razzle (well, at dinner) with Jennifer, Adam’s on his tod. David agrees to meet him there to see what’s what, while the Police are on their way.

When David gets there, he can get Adam on his mobile. David eventually spots the van, which drives straight at him at a fair speed.

David tries to call Adam again. Still no answer.

Then he spots Adam. Hard to say where Adam was as David just starting shouting his name, and sounding very (very worried). There was no response from Adam. David makes a call:

[David] “I need an ambulance. Fast!”

When the ambulance arrives:

[David] “He’s my cousin, well, kind of …”

(eh? Dan begat Phil, Christine and Jack. Phil begat David, Kenton, Shula and Elizabeth. Jack begat Tony, Lilian and Jennifer. Paddy the cowman begat Adam by Jennifer)

The ambulance person tells David that while Adam has a nasty head wound, it’s at least stopped bleeding. Though Adam is unconscious.

Usha’s going to pick her moment

After spotting Carl with his wife (?!?) last night, Usha seems to be feeling her way into telling Amy, rather than just coming right out to tell her.

Usha asks Amy what Carl does when she’s on night shift.

[Amy] “Sits at home and pines for me, of course”

Usha’s also interested in why Carl spends most of his weekends with his, *ahem*, nan …

I think Usha’s tackling this the wrong way. Just tell her outright and be done. The messenger is better shot than hung slowly.

Brian bestows a gift to the village

Isn’t that generous of him.

Though his nose was a bit out of joint that not all of the BL Board were beyond themselves with excitement that the Super Dairy was going ahead (Annabelle seemingly had to twist arms to get Brian a vote of thanks), Brian was still in a rather good mood.

He made sure that the Board agreed to give “pass a gift of the field” to the village.

(the strip of land behind the village shop at the river’s edge)

Even as Brian himself put it:

[Brian] “Small and half the board didn’t realise BL owned it”

Alice is “restricted”

To Borchestershire. By Chris. According to Jennifer.

Will that woman ever give up?

At the hospital

David had called Brian and Jennifer, meeting them at the hospital.

[David] “Basically, someone seems to have knocked him on the head”

(and before anyone thinks that Felpersham Infirmary doesn’t treat civil partnerships seriously – they most certainly do. David didn’t call Ian as he didn’t have his number, but the hospital did. And they spoke to Ian about Adam first)

[Nurse] “We’re helping Adam with his breathing … that’s quite routine”

And they were about to give Adam a CT to see how serious the damage is. The nurse mentioned that a neurosurgeon will assess the scan.

Jennifer hears the word surgery. Then thinks brain surgery. Then panics.

Oh dear.

Should we all be panicking?

Carl’s not a saint after all 25.04.12


The Archers Wednesday 25th April 2012
  • The Super Dairy lives!
  • Chris van gets burgled
  • Alice passed her exams
  • Jennifer will stop Chris and Alice having kids
  • Is Carl married?

The Super Dairy lives!

[Jennifer] “The dairy plans have got the go-ahead … it is such a  relief”

Well, only for some.

Though especially for Jennifer, I suppose. She might get Brian to talk to about something else.

Bit surprising that the Super Dairy getting the planning permission wasn’t the hot topic of Ambridge today.

But those residents will make their own mind up about what to talk about near those secret microphones.

Chris van gets burgled

Poor Chris.

Scrimps and saves to buy his own business, and only moments into it, someone robs him.

He’d left tools in the van overnight. Which he has to do as he has so many of them. And it doesn’t help that the van has to be parked away from the house as there’s no room to park it out front.

AND no-one had thought to tell Chris and Alice about the suspicious car seen on Home Farm land.

Jennifer did seem that sympathetic when Alice told her. I think she was slightly put out that Alice’s news had overshadowed Brian’s about the Super Dairy.

[Jennifer] “Well at least they didn’t take the van itself … they can buy more tools, surely.”

True. And the insurance will cover it.

But it means the van will be out of action for at least a few days (while the lock is getting fixed). And, it’s not just about ‘stuff’.

[Alice] “The van was practically new. It was his pride and joy,. We went through a lot to get it”

Alice passed her exams

Not that she’s pleased about it (because of Chris’ tolls getting stolen), nor that Jennifer thought to ask (too preoccupied by Brian possibly now not being preoccupied).

But they all later come to and start to celebrate.

[Jennifer] “My daughter … the Engineer”

[Chris] “My wife, the engineer”

And though Jennifer wanted them both to come out on a celebratory dinner, Chris pretended that he’d already booked a table.

[Chris] “I wasn’t going to have your mum steal a march on me!”

Jennifer will stop Chris and Alice having kids

If she keeps walking in on them getting *ahem* close.

Jennifer walked in as Alice was just about to console Chris about his tools.

But Alice is also getting just as good at being unsubtle:

[Alice] “Oh no don’t do that. Mum’s just going”

[Jennifer] “Am I?”

Is Carl married?

Usha bumps into Annabelle at a Chamber do (the one Alan couldn’t go to because he’s on retreat). They pal up.

While Annabelle has to do her BL duty and talk momentarily to other BL directors, Usha spots Amy’s Carl. He seems surprised.

[Carl] “I just didn’t realise there would be lawyers here”

[Usha] “Well it is the Chamber of Commerce. Where there’s money you usually find lawyers, I’m afraid”

Then things got very odd.

Carl seemed to be at first particularly glad that Alan wasn’t there.

[Carl] “Oh, safely out of the way then”

But then Carl seemed to make a quick escape from Usha. While she sounded quite keen to spent time with him.

I didn’t really understand what was happening. Did Carl have a fancy for Usha? Or she him?

Then Annabelle started talking about a lady called Rochelle also at the do.

A talented lawyer. Beautiful, brainy.

And, she has a rather handsome husband. Who is standing right next to her …

… anyone didn’t (by that point) guess that it was Carl?

[Annabelle] “Talk about having it all. Doesn’t it make you sick?”

[Usha] “Yes. Yes it does”

Right, well that would explain the more wonderful than wonderful Carl.

Or does it?

What’s Peggy on about? 24.04.12

The Archers Tuesday 24th April 2012
  • An oddly parked car
  • David still hates those badgers
  • The penny drops for David
  • Office politics
  • It was Jazzer wot caught him
  • Peggy’s a fan of Tom’s ready meals

An oddly parked car

Has been spotted near Home Farm. In a secluded spot. So David’s been told.

The robber gang?

[Ruth] “Casing the joint, get you Kojak!”

David still hates those badgers

As the new slurry tank is being built:

[David] “All that money, just because of a few badgers!”

Aye, I’m sure they’re none too fond of you either, David … you badger murderer you …

The penny drops for David

He’s finally worked out he has three kids, but only one farm.

[David] “You know, in some ways, it would be good if she and Josh didn’t both want to work on the far … it’d be a lot easier that way … I’m just musing”

Ruth thought it sounded like David was already choosing Josh over Pip (really), and she had to remind him about Ben.

Office politics

Though Tom reckons his new office system has saved the day in cutting down the time it takes to do things, but Tony does not concur.

He reckons the old way was the better, and quicker, way.

Later after Tony has been doing some work, Tom was annoyed to find that he’d have to do it again.

As he later moaned to David:

[Tom] “It’s just so hard for him to grasp anything new … it’s just frustrating. I don’t have time to redo what he’s done”

Though David did remind him that Tony only very recently had a heart attack.

So, when Tony suggests that Tom leave the office to him, Tom isn’t that amused.

It was Jazzer wot caught him

Seems the Police found Tom’s quad because a bloke, known to them, was advertising his quad on the internet. Tom was able to identify it.

[Tom] “There was that dent on the ball bars. I’ve never been so grateful for Jazzer’s bad driving”

Peggy’s a fan of Tom’s ready meals

Ah, that’s why Tom started talking about them again the other day.

Peggy and Pat were having a chinwag about Bridge Farm, and that Tony still needs to take things easy.

Though Pat reckons something good did come out of Tony’s heart attack. Clarrie returning:

[Pat] “I’m so much happier about the dairy now that Clarrie’s back”

(Pat forgets too easily who made Clarrie not be at Home Farm for a while  … Pat!)

Anyhoo, there’s no love like a grandmother’s love. She’s feeling calm about Tony being able to step back from working because he has his Tom.

Not his Helen, nor his Pat, mind. His Tom.

[Peggy] “Tony could let Tom take on more of the strategic planning of the farm … it just seems a waste of Tom’s talents to have him sitting on the tractor”

And on the ready meals:

[Peggy] “Tony seems to think it’s some kind of add on …”

Now while I can accept that Peggy thinks her grandson is wonderful – but to the point where he’s better than her son?

I hope she never says that to Tony. He’d have another heart attack.

When Alan met Carl 23.04.12

(it was adoration at first sight)

The Archers Monday 23rd April 2012
  • Those “so English” bells
  • Phil’s birthday
  • When’s a cake not a cake?
  • Tom’s had a grand day
  • Carl comes to tea
  • Lynda to “have a blitz on the noticeboards”
  • Promises still to be delivered
Those “so English” bells

Seemed the whole village was enjoying today’s bell ringing for Saint George’s Day. And Lily was one of the ringers.

Alan and Jill listened in together.

Well, they actually spoke through most of it.

Phil’s birthday

Was today. He would have really enjoyed the bells, reckoned Jill.

When’s a cake not a cake?

When it’s a gateau made by Lily for Elizabeth’s birthday the other day.

Actually, Lily had made Elizabeth’s whole birthday tea French themed.

Tom’s had a grand day

Which I always hate to hear, as success does make him ever that bit more smug.

Tom was actually taking time off to relax with a glass of wine, in the garden, with Brenda (while they listened to the bells).

Tom was chuffed that his poly tunnels are finally on their way. Because of the mix up, he’s also scored an inset netting and a shade net (whatever they are) thrown in free.

And he’s chuffed that Underwoods has increased their order for sausages.

And he’s chuffed that he’s also asked for, and got, a discount from one of their feed suppliers.

[Tom] “It shows how much untapped potential there is on the farm … think what I could do if I really got stuck in”

AND the Police have found his quad bike.

Phew! What a day.

[Brenda] “You just sit here and enjoy the warm glow of a good days work”

Though Tom did make mention that he might put the ready meals on hold for a while.

Interesting … actually, probably not.

Carl comes to tea
(and a biscuit)

Though Amy was annoyed at Alan for being late to meet Carl (only be 10 minutes), the ‘meet the parents’ trauma wasn’t at all traumatic.

Usha and Carl bonded over her experience of moving from Africa (her words), and his grandparents having moved from Jamaica to the UK. Usha says she still misses the warmth and colours of the African sun. The UK feels drab in comparison.

[Amy] “Nan said that too, like god has switched the lights off”

Carl reckons that his nan thinks that too. What’s more:

[Carl] “She likes to play up her exotic Caribbean routes”

They’re on again about how Carl goes to see his nan every weekend.

But that he’s got a photo of his nan on his phone is a bit creepy …

Seems Carl’s grandparents came from Mandeville in Jamaica. Which is also where Mabel (Amy’s nan, Alan’s first wife’s mum) came from.

That’s a coincidence.

And when Alan first comes in, Carl calls him “sir”. Then again when he was leaving.

Which was again a bit creepy, and quite unnecessary.

[Carl] “My grandmother is so impressed I’m going out with a pastor’s daughter”

Huh. Blatant sooking up as well.

After he’d gone:

[Alan] “Well, what a nice young man … and he really seems to have feelings for Amy … nice to be able to share Catherine’s memories. Mabel’s going to be so pleased Amy’s going out with someone with Jamaican roots”

[Usha] “Mabel will be buying a hat”

[Alan] “Amy’s found a thoughtful intelligent man who makes her happy”

Hmmm …

Lynda to “have a blitz on the noticeboards”

While Neil and Jill was sort out the wildlife area of the graveyard.

All in good cause:

[Jill] “You’ve got to have it all spick and span looking for the jubilee”


Promises still to be delivered

It’s taking some folks some time to come good on the promises they auctioned off.

Though I suppose some of it was seasonal.

Ed and George will be round tonight to do a slug patrol at Jill’s.

Those eyebrows are still being raised about Sabrina Thwaite still telling Harry to wait to do his bit for her. Everyone thinks she wants it to be hot enough for him to take his top off.

[Jill] “If I was a bit younger, I might have out a bid in for him myself!”

Aye indeed. Good looking, intelligent, and ever so silent (these days …).

Ifty is ever so dishy 22.04.12

The Archers Sunday 22nd April 2012
  • Ian’s gone all teenage over Ifty
  • A lamb attacks Brian
  • Alan’s obsessed with Carl
  • Chamber of Commerce or Vicar’s retreat?

Ian’s gone all teenage over Ifty

Ian’s very excited about the prospect of Ifty (Ambridge’s new youth cricket coach).

[Ian] “The word is he’s very handsome”

[Adam] “Word is he’s a very talented cricketer, that’s what I’m interested in”

Ian even later turns up to the cricket pitch.

[Ian] “I thought I’d just take a look … the rumours don’t do him justice!”

Alistair reckons that Ifty has drawn a crowd bigger than if he’d got Alastair Cook to coach (I had to look him up. He plays cricket for England. Not to be confused with Alistair Cooke. That lovely chap who did Letter from America. I did get confused … why would Alistair think a dead journalist would be a draw …)

[Alistair] “Training’s not usually a spectator sport”

Nic had also turned out to see Ifty, though she claimed it was to bring Mia and Jake along, in case they wanted to join in one day (aye, in about 10 years’ time!).

It’s a shame for the boys. They were getting coached by one of Ifty’s mates in a different part of the field, while all the girls got Ifty and a big crowd watching.

The girls included Jamie’s Natalie, who brought all of her hockey pals, and does genuinely seem interested in playing cricket.

[Alistair, accepting reality] “I do think seeing him in his cricket whites was a bit of a bonus!”

So good looking, Great at cricket. A superb coach. And Ifty also reckons he can try and get a grant so that they can buy more equipment.

[Ian] “Hmm not just a pretty face then”

A lamb attacks Brian

Brian was late to help Adam weigh the lambs. Adam wasn’t surprised, Jennifer had already said that she’d spent the weekend “walking on eggshells” as Brian was in a right grump about no progress on the Environment Report for the Super Dairy.

When Brian does turn up and gets on with the job, he’s also being grumpy with the sheep.

Just as he’s calling them stupid for not going in the direction he wants them to, one of them sweeps him off his feet. He goes down. Hard.

Adam keeps Brian sitting down, and notices he’s bleeding.

[Brian] “Adam there’s really no need for you to ruin a good handkerchief”

Brian also refuses to let Adam get his first aid kit, or take him home to Jennifer (who Brian reckons will just fuss).

Brian’s being very manly about being unmanned by a lamb …

And he blames the Environment Agency. It’s their fault that his mind wasn’t on the job.

Later on, Adam tells Ian about the incident:

[Ian, barely suppressing his laughter] “A lamb did?”

[Adam] “I was quite worried about him for a moment”

[Ian] “Well of course you were. You are very fond of him … and he is of you”

[Adam] “Then he mentioned the environment agency, and it was back to normal … well, what passes for normal these days … He’s not used to having to wait for what he wants”

(and worth saying that a lamb isn’t a tiny, cute wee thing. As they were weighing them, assumedly for selling, they’ll be fairly large)

Alan’s obsessed with Carl

And he hasn’t even met him yet!

Now that Usha has met carl, Amy’s relented, and has invited Carl to take tea with her, Alan and Usha.

Alan’s in a right tizzy about it.

She’s terrified that he’ll let Amy down. As it’s the first time she’s brought home a serious boyfriend (in fact, Carl is the first boy she’s ever been serious about), it’s also the first time for Alan.

He thinks he’s somehow going to ruin it for her.

[Alan] “You’ll kick me, won’t you, if I started saying something embarrassing”

[Usha] “Want to be covered in bruises, do you?”

Usha’s just jesting. She thinks Carl and Alan will get on very well indeed.

As they later sync their diaries, Alan insists on outing Carl’s visit in his diary.

[Usha] “That’s tomorrow … and are you going to put it in big red letters … don’t let Amy see, it’ll spook her!”

Alan’s a  bit perturbed that he has to see Lynda tomorrow. He’d far rather be at home, tidying for Carl.

He really is taking this far too seriously!

But not to worry, Usha tells him to still see Lynda, then go off and  sit on green and listen to bell ringers (for St George’s Day – Lily is going to be ringing).

[Usha] “I’ll do the vacuuming”

Chamber of Commerce or Vicar’s retreat?

Horror upon horrors – Usha and Alan have a double booking.

On the night that Usha has a Chamber of Commerce event, Alan’s away on a  retreat.

Usha can cope at the Chamber by herself, but prefers it when Alan can come:

[Usha] “Having you there would have livened it up … I know what you and your clerical pals get up to when on retreat!”

Why, what do they get up to?!?

Hello to Amy’s Carl 20.04.12

The Archers Friday 20th April 2012
  • Alan feels sorry for girls named Beyoncé
  • What’s wrong with Carl?
  • Is Usha representing Clive?
  • Brian’s ignoring Jennifer
  • Carl’s take on Ambridge
  • Usha’s a lemon
  • Usha’s been in Ambridge for 20 years
  • Robert challenged James to step outside …

Alan feels sorry for girls named Beyoncé


He was sparked to say that after Usha mentioned New Zealand has brought in regulations to stop parents naming their kids silly names. Like Tallulah Does The Hula from Hawaii.

What’s wrong with Carl?

[Alan] “I’m beginning to think this bloke’s got too heads or something”

Is Usha representing Clive?

Usha’s not happy about a client she’s having to represent. She tried to palm him off on a colleague, but has “drawn the short straw” again. She’s represented him before, and knows that if she doesn’t get him off, no matter how clear his guilt, he’ll blame her.

That sounds like Mr Clive Horrobin …

Brian’s ignoring Jennifer

Jennifer’s trying to talk to Brian about anything other than the Super Dairy.

On Kate’s studying:

[Jennifer] “I didn’t think there was that much to say about vibration in aeroplanes … all sounds pretty dull stuff to me”

But Brian’s not listening. He’s getting angry about being asked for more documentation from the Environment Agency, which he’s already sent to them.

He later walks away when Jennifer was telling him the gossip about James and Leonie.

It’s simply Super Dairy, Super Dairy, Super Dairy for Brian.

[Brian] “I don’t understand it Jenny … I don’t know what else to do”

[Jennifer] “Look, come and have a drink .. .darling, how about a whisky?”

Brian’s particularly annoyed that it’s now after office hours on Friday, so he’ll have to wait through the whole weekend to see on Monday if the Environment Agency will finally send their report.

He’s especially worried about the Board meeting next Thursday. If the report still isn’t in, or if (worse still) the report doesn’t back the Super Dairy, he’ll resign.

Carl’s take on Ambridge

We get to meet Carl

And he’s sounds perfectly normal. Well, at least it didn’t sound like he was talking out of two heads …

He and Amy are having a drink in Jaxx.

[Amy] “Half the people in the village are called Archer. It’s a sort of, dynasty”

[Carl] “Lords of the manor?”

[Amy] “Not at all. They’re all farmers”

[Carl] “Except this Kenton”

[Amy] “I think he’s the bad boy of the family”

[Carl] “Two bars and a merry widow called Jolene, what more could a man wish for? … I must say I’m beginning to like the sound of Ambridge … an idyllic little village with all these boiling passions just under the surface … the gamekeeper fighting his brother over a woman …your posh friend running off with the village blacksmith  … I wonder if it’s true of all villages … that beneath the tranquil surface, and the roses round the door, there are dark secrets and endless feuds …”

Amy doesn’t think that exactly sounds like Ambridge, and also points out that the worst thing of living in Ambridge is how information has a habit of “leaking out into the community”.

(ha! Hasn’t Amy just been “leaking information” to Carl?)

Usha’s a lemon

Usha walks into Jaxx while Amy and Carl are kissing.

She’s says hello, then tries to go and sit elsewhere. But Carl insists that she sits down with them.

She finds out that Carl works in IT, for a company that has something to do with automotive components. Just as Shula sometimes has difficult Carl, so does he (when trying to introduce new systems and the like).

[Carl to Amy] “At least all your clients are fabulously grateful!”

Usha later told Alan:

[Usha] “I felt like a lemon”

But on Carl:

[Usha] “Absolutely charming … early thirties … and very good looking … so polite and easy going … and he’s obviously just as smitten with Amy as she is with him … Amy’s found herself a good ‘un, be glad!”

Wow. Sounds like if Amy doesn’t want him, Usha would gladly step in.

Usha’s been in Ambridge for 20 years


[Usha] “I would say the pleasures of village life far outweigh the disadvantages”

Robert challenged James to step outside …

(well no, not really)

Jennifer had heard from Lilian that Robert had turned up at James’ door for Leonie’s stuff.

[Brian] “What Robert? There to defend his daughter’s honour? To challenge James to a duel?”

Though Robert didn’t challenge James, he did have to play referee. Seems Leonie and James couldn’t split their stuff without squabbling.

[Jennifer] “She tried to walk off with an Afghan rig that James had bought long before they got together and ended up having a tug of war …”

Where did Robert go wrong with Leonie? 19.04.12

The Archers Thursday 19th April 2012
  • Leonie’s annoying Mr & Mrs Pickering
  • A surprise for Elizabeth’s birthday
  • Lynda tackles Leonie
  • Lily ate horse
  • Leonie is Robert’s fault?
  • Hurrah for Maxie!

Leonie’s annoying Mr & Mrs Pickering

Mr Pickering has already complained about how loud Leonie had the TV on. And Robert had to, last night, tell her to turn it down again.

She’d also downed a bottle of wine.

[Robert] “She was rather drunk. And maudlin”

Then she raided the fridge, dropped a bottle of milk, and didn’t make a good job of cleaning up after herself.

If Jazzer didn’t turn up to Ambridge Hall soon that morning, there wouldn’t even be enough milk for Mr & Mrs Pickering.

AND Leonie didn’t put the shower curtain in the bath after her shower, so Robert had to mop us a “small lake”. She also used all of the towels.

[Robert] “Leonie, you don’t seem to understand”

If we remember a week or so back, and as Robert reminds Leonie, Mr & Mrs Pickering had booked an extra week at Ambridge Hall because of the peace and quiet.

[Robert] “We can only afford to continue living in the house by taking in B&B guests”

Leonie doesn’t understand, care or seem to accept that Robert and Lynda are trying to run a business. She reckons they have enough “dosh”.

[Robert] “You’re perfectly welcome to stay, but you must observe some basic rules”

Robert then asked Leonie how long she was going to stay with them. Especially considering she had only taken a week off of work. So Leonie thinks he’s trying to get rid of her, Robert thinks he’s just trying to be practical.

[Robert] “I’ve tried, Lyndy, I’ve really tried, but she twists everything I say … and obviously feels that the depths of her misery is ample excuse for her inappropriate behaviour”

Sounds like Lynda and Robert’s patience is running out. Though they sympathise, Lynda reckons they actually don’t want her at Ambridge Hall if she keeps on like this.

[Lynda] “Seriously Robert, she can’t just loaf about here indefinitely”

A surprise for Elizabeth’s birthday

Involves Jill, Lily and a gateau.

Seems Lily has been inspired during her trip to France.

[Jill] “I’m a bit nervous, to be honest. It’s not something I’ve tried to make before, and it involves a lot of chocolate”

Lynda tackles Leonie

Lynda tells Leonie that she’s heard from Lilian that James also isn’t a happy chappy.

[Leonie] “And she told you James is suffering?”

Slightly not the point, as Lynda wants to give Leonie a kick up the proverbial to get her moving again.

[Lynda] “I want you to think about your future”

Leonie hears that as Lynda also wanting to get rid of her.

[Leonie] “First James, and now you”

(aha – so James did dump Leonie)

Lily ate horse

Though Lower Loxley was slightly quieter than previous Easters (visitors are tightening their belt):

[Elizabeth] “What I really noticed was how quiet it was without Lily”

Lily had a wonderful time in France, and can now speak French with confidence.

[Elizabeth] “It really gets up Freddie’s nose … he’s not good at … and she said she’d eaten horse!”

Oh poor Freddie. Don’t wind the wee lad up. He can’t spot sarcasm … bless.

Leonie is Robert’s fault?

[Robert] “Always at the back of my mind, if I hadn’t left their mother, if I hadn’t walked out on the family …”

[Lynda] “But your Coriander’s father too, and you couldn’t wish for a more charming and well-adjusted young woman”

[Robert] “So what went wrong with Leonie?”

[Lynda] “She’s always been … well …”

[Robert] “Unhappy”

[Lynda] “Yes. There’s a kind of profound pessimism about her”

Lynda thinks Leonie needs a strong bout of counselling, but Robert would dare suggest that to Leonie.

Well, Leonie is annoying. But she’s not as bad as Kate. And Leonie no longer forming a tag team with the odious James is a positive development. I reckon.

Hurrah for Maxie!

Leonie asks Robert to borrow a transit van. It for her. Pick up her stuff from James’. Drive it back to Ambridge Hall. And store her stuff there.

While (and this is the important bit) she moves in with her friend Maxie in London. Tomorrow.

[Lynda] “Don’t worry Leonie. Tomorrow will be absolutely fine”

Phew! Thank goodness for that.

Lynda and Lilian face-off 18.04.12

The Archers Wednesday 18th April 2012
  • Jazzer’s neighbours moved out in a hurry
  • Lynda “has a delicate matter to discuss” with Lilian
  • Jack ate his lunch, Elona likes ironing
  • Peggy interested in farm management software
  • Back to “is Elona a bad ‘un?”

Jazzer’s neighbours moved out in a hurry

Which is not good news for Lilian (it’s her flats).

Lilian was worried about them having been driven out by Jazzer’s antics (Harry never gets any blame, though remember Jazzer being woken up by Robbie Williams at stupid o’ clock one night).

But when Brenda went round to check the flat that had just been vacated, she reckoned the soundproofing was great – she couldn’t hear Jazzer’s TV from downstairs, even though it was blazing.

[Brenda] “He did say they weren’t very friendly”

[Lilian] “Which in Jazzer’s book probably means quiet and sober”

Sounds like the tenants were themselves to blame. Brenda found the flat  in a  bit of a mess – untidy and broken furniture – and they’d also left just before their next rent was due. So the deposit may cover the damage, but Lilian will lose out if she doesn’t get another tenant in as quick as.

Which means quick repairs. So Brenda suggests Elona’s Darrell as the very chap.

Lynda “has a delicate matter to discuss” with Lilian

[Lynda] “Have you spoken to James in the last couple of days?”

[Lilian] “Ah, this is about the end of the affair is it?”

[Lynda] “So far we have completely failed to ascertain what happened … what is was that James did?”

[Lilian] “What James did? …If I’d been in his shoes, I’d have given up long ago. But he’s finally admitted it. That girl has serious problems … oh come on Lynda, don’t pretend you think she’s a ray of sunshine!”

[Lynda] “Well she can be a bit difficult …”

[Lilian] “James’ patience was tried to the limit, and he felt he could no longer continue pandering to Leonie’s childish neurosis”

[Lynda] “Well I suggest she was tired of being kicked around by a man who hasn’t matured beyond adolescence”

[Lilian] “Are you calling my son immature?”

[Lynda] “If the cap fits … I never understand what Leonie saw in him!”

[Lilian] “Yes well, you’re an appalling judge of character”

[Lilian] “I beg your pardon!”

[Lynda] “Now, I think you’d better leave Lynda before one of us says something we’ll regret”

Now while I expect Lilian to hear no wrong about James (she takes a mother’s blindness to extremes), what’s Lynda up to? She knows Leonie is a bit odd and annoying. So, why get involved?

Though Brenda hasn’t been in the room, Lilian gave her a full rundown. She later reckoned to Tom that it ended in a stalemate.

[Tom] “Sad though. If there’s one thing you can say about James and Leonie, they really deserved each other!”

Jack ate his lunch, Elona likes ironing

Elona was telling Peggy that Jack gave her a big smile after he’d finished all of his lunch. Sounds like he’s doing quite well, considering.

Elona’s at Peggy’s doing her general cleaning and helping shift. Today, Peggy had a large pile of ironing to do, while Elona is more than happy about – she seemingly loved a freshly pressed, tidy piles of clothes.

She tells Peggy that she and the family love it in Ambridge. Especially since they’ve got to know their neighbours Tom and Brenda. Seems Tom helped Darrell with a flat tyre the other day, and Elona is having a cuppa with Brenda later on.

Well I never!

Tom being helpful, Brenda being hospitable!

Peggy interested in farm management software

Or, she was just trying to show an interest to (in turn) show encouragement to Tom.

She made the right noises when he showed her how the modules talk to each other (!), and also when he excitedly told her that he now has a complete record of every animal, and the cost per kilo of every part of meat they produce.

(actually, that does sound quite nifty)

Peggy is still worried about Tony’s health, but is also worried about Tom overworking. So maybe her delight in the new system is her hope that he can get more time to relax.

Back to “is Elona a bad ‘un?”


Elona was having her brew with Brenda.

She spent most of her time telling Brenda about how expensive the live in Ambridge – the cost of anything from the village shop, and the cost of having to drive the kids everywhere – Darrell not having enough work – Anna needing piano lessons (and a piano!) but them not able to afford it …

I think she was about to sting Brenda for a few notes, bit Tom walked in (with a 1950s hubby-returning-from-work “Heeellooooo”. Numpty).

[Brenda] “She is a really nice woman”

I really do have my doubts, again.

The Super Dairy goes before Planning 17.04.12

The Archers Tuesday 17th April 2012
  • All go at Brookfield
  • Hattie Marshall speaks for everyone
  • Odds against
  • Linda at the back and quiet!?!
  • The Environment Agency don’t care for deadlines
  • Appalling Planning Officer
  • The Councillors make a decision
  • Pat and Brian, both confident
All go at Brookfield

The slurry tank foundations are going down at Brookfield

The badgers will be irritated. But bets on they’ll find a way to climb …

Hattie Marshall speaks for everyone

Well, all those who oppose the Super Dairy.

(I thought she sounded, very suspiciously, like Kirsty)

At the Planning meeting, Hattie gets to make a statement on behalf of the anti-lobby.

[Hattie] “The problem with milk is the farm gate price. Ordinary farmers are being paid less than the cost of production. And units like this, whose stated aim is to drive down costs, will simply compound the problem and force conventional dairy farmers out of business … We face the real prospect of cows in the fields disappearing from our countryside, they’ll all be in vast industrial complexes like the one proposed here. Now, BL would have us believe that cows prefer to be indoors, lolling about on sand, rather than out in the fields grazing. Would they, I wonder, argue that because children prefer lolling about on sofas watching television, it’s better for them than to be outside playing?”

(ooh – that’s a bit of a rubbish argument, in my humble opinion)

[Hattie] “So, let us turn to the environmental consequences … (interrupted) I will refrain from voicing my criticism of the aesthetic appeal of the building, we can all recognise an eyesore when we see one”

Hattie’s speech sounded very long (though we didn’t have to sit through it all). The Chair (Townsend) had a hard time pushing her on. She also talked about the strong chance of Ammonia and nitrogen oxygen emissions – potential accidents causing environmental disaster – concerns about:

[Hattie] “the future of countryside, the future of British Farming, and indeed the planet!”

[Pat] “Have you seen Brian’s face?”

[Ruth] “He looks really fed up, doesn’t he!”

Odds against

Brian was very chummy with Councillor Townsend. Seems they bonded over the planning for the Mart.

Townsend also doesn’t sound like one to tolerate ‘lefties’.

[Townsend] “And who are this lot?”

[Brian] “I’m afraid our opponents have sent out a three line whip”

[Townsend] “Planning meetings aren’t usually so popular”

[Brian] “They could be a bit hostile, I’m afraid”

[Townsend] “Don’t worry. Any trouble, I’ll clear the public gallery”

As Pat and Ruth later discussed:

[Pat] “He and Brian got to be very matey during the planning stages of the market …”

[Ruth] “So much for the impartiality of the Chair”


Lynda at the back and quiet!?!

What on earth?

Though  Lynda was at the Planning meeting, not a peep.

Quite bizarre.

Actually, Kirsty and Brenda were also there. But silent.

It was only Pat and Ruth (of the Ambridge residents) who uttered a word. Though Pat really did make up for everyone …

The Environment Agency don’t care for deadlines

Their report hadn’t arrived before the planning meeting.

Their report hadn’t arrived during the planning meeting.

And their report hadn’t arrived by the end of the meeting.

Which left the decision at the mercy of the …

Appalling Planning Officer

What is it with some Council officials and their overinflated sense of importance and intelligence?

The Planning Officer was an awful person.

He approved the application, which is no bad thing in itself.

But then proceeded to interrupt Councillors (elected officials!) to correct their opinions.

Their opinions, mind. Which is the entire point of the Council process.

The officers make their recommendations. As do other experts. The Councillors debate. And a consensus is formed (or not, but either way at least all opinions are heard).

This particular Planning Officer had decided that the Super Dairy should go ahead, and didn’t want to hear anything against it.

Nasty little man.

The Councillors make a decision

Or not. As is apt to happen at Councils.

Esther Sutton was the first Councillor to speak. She almost broke out in a rendition of Jerusalem – that she’d been on the Council for over 20 years, “rural England as its finest and picturesque”, that she was at first appalled about the prospect of a Super Dairy, but after studying the information she’d changed her mind. Esther had decided that in 2012, during a recession, the priorities should be jobs and investment.

[Pat, shouting out] “What about all the conventional dairy farmers whose jobs will disappear?”

[Martin Sykes, a Councillor] “You’ve been taken in by the hype Esther!”

[Ruth] “If you met her in the street you’d put her down as a real countrywoman”

Martin Sykes then waded back in. He has that is Esther couldn’t see the reality of the Super Dairy, she needed her eyes tested (oo-er!). And that the DVD Brian was so proud of was:

[Martin Sykes] “A little fantasy production … as Postman Pat does to the Royal Mail …  a blatant piece of greenwash”

Hah! Hope someone tells PR guru Rufus that he didn’t win them all over.

Anyhoo – because of the lack of the Environment Agency report – the chairperson (Brian’s lackey) decided that they’d have to vote on whether they delay their decision … and hand it over to that nasty we Planning Officer! The vote went for that way forward, which means the Planning Officer gets to decide whether Ambridge gets a Super Dairy.


Pat and Brian, both confident
Though dealt a blow, Pat thinks the battle is far from lost. She thinks it’s not a done deal, and that the Environment Agency won’t ever pass the Super Dairy.

[Pat] “They know it’s a really dodgy proposition”

But Brian is just as positive. He even makes a beeline for the media to make a statement on the radio.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Alan’s burnt his nose 16.04.12

The Archers Monday 16th April 2012
  • Alan and Usha are back from Marrakech
  • Amy’s back from her weekend
  • What’s the problem with Carl?
  • Hattie Marshall is “alternative”
  • Heavy lorries
  • Jennifer is bored
  • Mildew in the wheat
  • What’s James’ side of the argument?

Alan and Usha are back from Marrakech

They had a lovely time, but Alan is also quite glad to get back to his own bed, and to being cool again. He has a sunburnt nose.

[Alan] “I’m from Yorkshire; we don’t really do blazing sunshine!”
Usha does not concur.

[Usha] “It was just what I needed … proper sunshine”

But we’ll leave it to Alan to tell us why we should all visit Marrakech.

[Alan] “You’ve got to put it in your list of places to visit before you do … and it’s so pink”

Um … okay … right you are, Alan.

Amy’s back from her weekend

Though Alan was a bit surprised she came back home rather than staying at Carl’s – she came straight back after midnight.

[Amy] “It was quite wonderful … brilliantly, fabulously wonderful”

Amy and Carl stayed in a lovely, huge, luxurious room.

Though Alan rather naïvely asked Amy what they did … Amy answered ‘walks’ … hmmm.

What’s the problem with Carl?

I don’t know if I’m missing something – but (a) why is Amy keeping Carl at arm’s length from her nearest and dearest and (b) why is Alan, Usha and Alice so desperate to meet him?

[Usha] “You always imagine the worst”

[Alan] “I worry about her. She seems so keen on this bloke”

Amy thinks Alice is so interested because she and Chris are on a budget, which means:

[Usha] “She has to get her thrills vicariously”

Still odd that they are all so obsessed with meeting Carl. But I agree with Alan that it’s just as od d that Amy is being so secretive.

[Amy] “He’s my boyfriend, I don’t have to share him around”

Ach well, we’ll meet Carl sooner or later.

Hattie Marshall is “alternative”

It’s planning meeting eve.

Lynda’s a bit perturbed to hear Alan say that he isn’t going to the Planning Meeting. He reckons he’s already “alienated half” of his family. He also doesn’t see what good it would do. The Super Dairy will march on regardless.

Lynda argues that not all of the planning committee are decided, and they are also unaware of how strong public opinion is against the Super Dairy. Coming back to Hattie Marshall as their secret weapon – Lynda boasts about just how articulate Hattie can be.

[Alan] “Though she’s a bit, alternative … combat trousers and a nose ring”

Whatever could Adam mean by that …???

[Lynda] “You shouldn’t judge people by their appearance, Adam”

Quite right Lynda.

Adam should know better. But then again, he is the spawn of Jennifer …

Heavy lorries

Will be on their way through Ambridge if the Super Dairy goes ahead.

One went by Lynda today, which she got uppity about.

But it was actually going to Brookfield (it’s the start of the materials for the new Tank being delivered).

Wait until Lynda hears about Brookfield’s new system also meaning the cows will be in for longer.

Jennifer is bored

Of Brian’s incessant rambling about the Super Dairy.

With the Planning Meeting looming, it really is all he can think about, talk about and do.

Kevin Townsend says Esther Sutton is in favour of the dairy, says Brian.

[Brian] “She’s about 105, she’s been on the council forever … well, she’s got to be outing 80 … she’s really old school … an arch traditionalist,. All in favour of cows in fields and milk maids with stools”

And it’s okay about the impact on the crayfish in the Am – they sorted that out by just filling out a few forms.

(will no one think of the crayfish?!?)

But the Environmental Health Agency haven’t as yet filled their report. Which could scupper the planning meeting.

No wonder Jennifer is bored and find escape at Grey Gables’ swimming pool.

Mildew in the wheat

Adam has found mildew in the Home Farm wheat.

Brian could care less.

Trouble at Home Farm while Brian’s absorbed in the Super Dairy?

What’s James’ side of the argument?

Lynda’s certainly keen to know. Actually, Leonie isn’t even revealing what the argument (which split them up) was about in the first place.

[Lynda] “We’ve had a comprehensive run down of james’ character flows, his personal habits and his unfortunate choice of friends, but we’re none the wiser what precipitated the parting of ways”

[Jennifer] “I think it’s something of a miracle the relationship lasted long as it did … they do say every cloud has a silver lining”

Quite agree Jennifer. Though hope the Leonie-in-Ambridge situation isn’t too prolonged.

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Leonie leaves James 15.04.12

(not sure if that should raise a ‘hurrah’ or a ‘Leonie moping … oh bother)
The Archers Sunday 15th April 2012
  • Tony’s tired
  • There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall
  • James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault
  • Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Tony’s tired

He slept in until 10am (unheard of, even for a Sunday). Which annoys him.

But he’s more annoyed about being so tired. He wants to be able to do both milkings but, after gentle persuasion from Pat and Yom, he decides that he should just stick to the afternoon milking, and office work.

There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall

Lynda and Robert’s B&B business seems to be flourishing.

Mr and Mrs Pickering want to stay another week:

[Lynda] “Mr Pickering is full of praise for your skill with a frying pan!”

And another couple are arriving shortly. So it’s a full house.

The Leonie calls.

She’s left James, and is on a train (with only her handbag and her phone) to Ambridge, expecting to be able to stay.

When she’s told that they’re packed:

[Leonie] “But, I’m family, and this is an emergency!”

Lynda Robert and Robert manage to squeeze Leonie into Robert’s office, on a child’s fold out bed. Though, as Lynda says, why doesn’t Leonie have any friends to stay with …

Still, must be better than sharing a bed with James Bellamy …

James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault

On Robert asking Leonie what happened to make her flee James:

[Leonie] “J is what happened … that man is a complete barbarian!”

[Robert] “Was he violent?”

[Leonie] “No … no of course not. Well not physically anyway. He’s an emotional sadist. He finds the most sensitive party of your soul, sticks the knife in and twists until the pain becomes unbearable … and it’s obvious where he gets it from, his mother”

[Robert] “Lilian?”

[Leonie] “He is such a mummy’s boy, whatever little James wants, little James will have .. he has never learnt empathy, he has absolutely no understanding of how other people feel, particularly women, he’s utterly selfish and grotesquely immature”

(I know – I can hear you shouting it along with me – pot, kettle, black)

Later on, as Robert and Lynda get her room ready:

[Robert] “I know Leonie can be difficult”

[Lynda] “Robert, the poor girl is suffering … she showed such sensitivity about the peregrines”

(mais non. Lynda is unaware that Leonie was only caring about Leonie)

When Leonie arrives at Ambridge Hall:

[Leonie] “I really don’t want to talk about that man anymore”

[Lynda] “Although I have to say Leonie, I’m not entirely surprised … I’ve always thought James Bellamy was a bit of a narcissistic … rather too fond of his own voice … course he takes after his mother in that respect …”

[Leonie, delighted that Lynda concurs] “And he didn’t have the first idea about country life … that business with the peregrines … no more empathy for wild creatures than he has for his fellow humans. And he wasn’t a very good photographer … Why do I pick the wrong men all the time, why do I end up with such losers?”

So she cries to Lynda, while Robert tries to make them have a cup of tea (and shoosh Lynda from being so negative about James … we know what’ll happen when/if Leonie and James get back together).

Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Pat gets a call from Martin Sykes – who (Pat tells us) is a Councillor, is on the Planning committee meeting, and is ever-so-slightly on the Free the Ambridge Cow side of the debate. He also gives Pat the inside nod about what Brian’s been up to.

[Pat] “That wretched DVD of Brian’s has gone to every councillor …Implying they’re  free to wander out whenever they like it … gross misrepresentation!”

Though Pat is allowed to speak at the Planning meeting, Hattie Marshall most certainly is (as chair of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

So – it’s not over until the Hattie lady sings!

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Thieves and Propagandists 13.04.12

The Archers Friday 13th April 2012
  • Bridge Farm is robbed
  • Brian unveils his DVD

Bridge Farm is robbed

Someone has broken into one of the sheds at Bridge Farm during the night, even though it was padlocked.

[Tom] “They’re only as secure as the screws holding the fastenings”

They only stole a quad bike, but that’s bad enough.

Pat, Tony and Tom wonder how they knew that the quad bike was in that particular shed. There is a window, but it would have been too dark to see through it.

(erm, something to do with Tom’s photographs and films being on the internet?)

When Tony calls David to start spreading the word to other farms that there is a gang about, Brian also listens in to Tony’s call (David puts him on speakerphone).

[Brian] “Very irritating for you”

(huh! There’s a man who can afford to lose a quad bike, unlike Tony and co)

They all agree it does sound like it was a gang who are “stealing to order”. They reckon they’re lucky the gang hasn’t got an order for a tractor.

Tony’s also annoyed that the security lights were useless

[Tony] “Fat lot of good that did us”

(aye – that was Tom’s idea)

When Pat and Ruth are talking about it later on:

[Pat] “When he got to the shed …”

[Ruth] “The cupboard was bare … the thought of someone roaming around in your yard at night”

[Pat] “It’s only an object, isn’t it … though Tony was very relieved his MG was still there!”

(nice to see Tony still has some priorities out of the farm).

They reckon the quad bike is probably being shipped to Eastern Europe.

[Pat] “It’s typical, just when we start to get back on our feet, this comes along”

(odd. Pat seemed quite positive when she was speaking to Ruth).

Brian unveils his DVD

To David.

Who is in a tricky position. He’s against the Super Dairy (as a dairy farmer himself), but has to be open and fair as he’s also NFU president.

[David] “Are you pleased with it?”

[Brian] “Very … should dispel a few myths … address the concerns that have been raised by certain elements … these are going to be the most pampered cows in the county!”

Meanwhile, Pat’s telling Ruth about Ed saying no to doing the newspaper feature as he doesn’t want to rock the boat (he rents BL land).

[Pat] “The influence that wretched company has around here, they really need to be shown they don’t rule the roost!”

So by the time Ruth gets home, she’s fuming. Unfortunately for Brian, he doesn’t realise and starts waxing lyrical about the DVD …

[Ruth] “You’re had a promotional video made … how much did that cost .. .you;re really pulling out all of the stops … this is yet another example of BL using its financial muscle to get its own way … we think the arguments against this dairy is insurmountable …!”

Ruth reckons is just propaganda, and it’s “plain wrong”.

That’ll be both Ruth and Pat back on the warpath then.

The Borchestershire Flagon 12.04.12

The Archers Thursday 12th April 2012
  • Vicky’s Lobelia crazy!
  • Pip’s a sponge
  • Mike’s a fibber
  • Jim doesn’t like Brian
  • Challenge Alan
  • Hello Ifty!

Vicky’s Lobelia crazy!

She’s plating red ones, next to white ones, next to blue ones.

Yup, you guessed it. She’s being patriotic for the Jubilee, and for Britain in Bloom (though Mike does point out that they’re too far out of the village for the judges to visit them).

Pip’s a sponge

She learns something at Uni, then comes home and sees it everywhere.

Today, she’s worried that some of the young calves might have Bovine Viral Diarrhoea (BVD). She just learnt about it at Uni.

[Pip] “BVD … did you know it’s the most significant economic viral disease in castle, bit just here but in Ireland and America as well .. scouring is one of the major symptoms”

Actually, David did know all of that (clever clogs!), and tells her that the problem with BVD is that you generally can’t spot it until it’s too late. And there may be other reasons for diarrhoea.

When Mike pops by, they tell him they might have a BVD problem (if Pip isn’t just being hysterical).

[Mike] “Ooh ay, you don’t want that!”

Very helpful, that was Mike.

David agrees to get Alistair in to take a proper look, but he cautions Pip to not start panicking.

[David] “Let’s not meet trouble half way”

After Alistair has been, David confirms that it probably isn’t BVD – likely to just be them being turned out onto grass for the first time.

But to be sure, they need to keep them away from the pregnant animals, and also be extra careful with hygiene.

Now that that’s sorted (for the time being):

[David] “I’m going to self-medicate. With some Grundy cider!”

Mike’s a fibber

Jim’s doling out the Cider Club’s share of the Community orchard cider (produced by Grundy enterprises).

But Mike turns up with a slightly larger than usual flagon.

[Mike] “That’s a standard Borchestershire flagon, that is”

When Jim queries how many litres it holds:

[Mike] “Oh now, this is an ancient traditional measure, you wouldn’t use litres”

When Jim then asks how many pints, Mike responds that it’s a flagon!

Jim is not convinced, so goes away to get a measuring jug. Bert Fry asks Mike what on earth he’s on about.

[Mike] “Just back me up, alright!”

Seems Mike was never taken-in by Jim’s mathematical magic in working out what gets what share of the cider.

[Bert] “It looked complicated enough”

[Mike] “He blinded us with science”

Seems Mike won his argument. Though I found it a bit odd David got his share from the Grundy share (David is a member of the club, but didn’t do any work on the Community Orchard – that leaves it up to him and the Grundys to work out what/why he gets from their share).

As they sup up, all agree it’s a grand drop.

[Jim] “Enough for a very convivial year ahead”

Jim doesn’t like Brian

Or his Super Dairy.

[Jim] “He really is the most insufferable pompous self-centred man, don’t you think?”

[Vicky] “Well, he can be quite charming at times”

[Jim] “Yes, I grant you, he can put in a carapace face of charm when he’s trying to sugar-coat this megalomaniac scheme to blight our glorious countryside with a monstrous industrial edifice”

Jim is also furious that BL are trying to bride local opinion with cash donations and pints of shires.

[Jim] “Then he’s heading for the biggest disappointment since Sibinus trusted the word of Ambiorix the Gaul, and we all know how that ended!”

[Vicky] “Erm, was he the one with the potion?”

Well, Vicky guessed better than I could have!

Challenge Alan

I’ve been very slow to pick up on that joke … ho hum.

Bert was today remarking on the change in Jim – that he’s back to his cantankerous old self after finishing Alan’s lent challenge (so it was really Alan’s Challenge, but I won’t split hairs).

On the other hand, Vicky is delighted that normal service has resumed.

[Vicky] “Let’s just say that some people aren’t born to make compliments”

Hello Ifty!

Iftikhar (who everyone calls Ifty) popped into the Village shop today, on his way to find the cricket ground.

Vicky seems quite giddy as she’s talking to him. When he mentions that everyone’s welcome to come to the youth nets (including girls):

[Vicky] “Ooh, I think I’m a bit too old!”

(though he didn’t pay a compliment of saying she didn’t look too old).

After he’d left:

[Vicky] “Ooh he’s lovely isn’t he, I’m not surprised about the girls .. they’ll be flocking to nets!”

Now love interest for Helen/Fallon/Kirsty ahoy!

Anyhoo – back to the business in hand. Seems Ifty is happy enough that girls do come to nets. Though he concurs with local opinion that only boys and girls of primary age can play together. Older ones can practise fitness together, but not skills.

Ifty sounds like quite a nice chap indeed. He’s volunteered to work with the young ‘uns because:

[Ifty] “I got my chance when I was young because people offered their time”