Friday, 30 September 2011

The Archers Friday 30th September 2011: Nic won’t take Will’s aggression

  • Brian hit a pheasant
  • Andrew’s upset Nic (again)
  • Jolene’s organising the barn dance
  • Kenton and Jolene’s love nest
  • Harry’s scaring folks
  • Tony tries Jennifer
  • Clarrie doesn’t punch Derek Fletcher
  • Will doesn’t know what he’s like

Brian hit a pheasant

And gave it to Will.

[Will] “It was a nice clean bang on the head … when it’s fresh road kill, there’s no shot to worry about”

Andrew’s upset Nic (again)

Seems he was on at her again about her wanting to know what’s going on in his life – and gave her a bit of a dressing down in front of the kids.

[Will] “He’s got a nerve … he can’t speak to you like that Nic!”

But Nic reckons that’s just what Andrew is like – and there’s no point in getting upset about it.

What’s more – she doesn’t want to hear Will getting all macho.

[Nic] “I can’t bear this … I can’t bear you being with Andrew like you’ve been with Ed … leave it Will, you don’t understand”

Jolene’s organising the barn dance

For the harvest supper.

I still don’t get why they didn’t just have the supper at The Bull again.

But Jolene doesn’t seem bothered.

Looks like The Bull is doing just fine at the moment.

Kenton and Jolene’s love nest

Jolene was telling Kenton that the offer to move in is still open. He can move in when he feels the time is right.

Kenton feels the time is right now.

And Elizabeth has given her blessing.

(how very generous of her!)

Harry’s scaring folks

His pining for Zofia is a wee bit off-putting.

[Jolene] “He seems to be able to clear a space around him in 30 seconds flat”

Tony tries Jennifer

Tony and Pat haven’t said it out loud – but looks like they’re now trying the Bank of Aldridge after their failed attempts at the Bank of Peggy.

Tony’s round seeing Jennifer (who is “quite hoarse after talking to Kate”)

[Tony] “It feels as if we’re staggering from one crisis to another”

Jennifer makes lots of sympathetic noises, and agrees that he and Pat really shouldn’t be hassling Peggy while she’s so stressed, but utterly; sidesteps Tony away from even being able to ask her if she and Brian would help.

[Jennifer] “Of course, these are difficult times for everyone, I’m afraid … well, do you want some more coffee Tony?”

So – Bank of Aldridge is not open either.

Who does that leave?

Lilian and Matt.

That’ll be interesting …

Clarrie doesn’t punch Derek Fletcher

Clarrie had a grand time during her first shift as a volunteer at the Village shop.

[Clarrie] “It were great to be behind the counter dealing with people”

She even coped with that Derek Fletcher when he came in,

[Clarrie] “I just said good morning and took his money”

So moral victory for Clarrie – she feels useful – and enjoys the banter.

Will doesn’t know what he’s like

Nic and Will are still have a bit if a bargy about Andrew.

Will wants to ‘have a word’. Nic wants him to stay away.

[Nic] “You do know what you’re like Will. You must”

[Will] “No. I don’t … “

Will reckons that he’s been really trying n(for Clarrie’s sake) to get on with Ed. But is doesn’t sound like Nic is convinced it’ll last.

[Nic] “It’s always a competition between you. And it’s been violent in the past, hasn’t it. We’re all treading on eggshells”

Nic’s worried that Will will behave as Will always does – and in the process ruin their relationship.

They’ve been having such a nice time together recently, and she feels Andrew could be part of making it all go horribly wrong.

So message is clear – Will’[s to shut up, stay away from Andrew and out up with Andrew treating Nic like muck.

The Archers Thursday 29th September 2011: More bad news for Bridge Farm

  • It’s Alice’s birthday
  • Andrew is still frustrating Nic
  • Elona says yes
  • It gets worse for Pat and Tony
  • Nic isn’t good with eggs

It’s Alice’s birthday

She loves the candles Chris made for her, but isn’t so enamoured of the two cashmere sweaters Jennifer and Brian gave her.

[Alice] “Oh dear … I’m trying to get rid of stuff not getting more”

Selfish wee madam!

[Alice] “She knows we’re saving why couldn't she have just given me a cheque!”

Even worse.

She really doesn’t deserve Chris then taking the afternoon off to go on a picnic.

But anyhoo, he does and they do.

They enjoy the Tofu wraps rejected from Susan’s book club spread

[Alice] “Hey, do think that duck would fancy a bit of tofu?”

(it did eat it)

They chat about Kirsty’s ideas for how to eat cheap and healthy through experimenting with lentils.

But it then starts chucking it down:

[Alice] “You must have ordered weather for the ducks by mistake”

(great days for ducks then – rain and tofu!)

Later on, in front of their crackling fire, they decide to have an early night.

So all-in-all quite a sedate, but nice, birthday.

Shame the cashmeres spoiling the start (!)

Andrew is still frustrating Nic

And she isn’t even going out with him anymore.

He’s meant to be having the kids later on, but after he let them down the other day, Nic’s worried he’ll do the same again.

So she texts – he texts back to say yes. And he does take the kids.

But it’s not all plain sailing.

When Nic later collected the kids from him, it seems he was “a bit off” with her.

[Nic] “It was my fault really … I just asked him if there was anything going on I need to know about … he seemed to resent me asking … said it was none of my business … I wouldn’t care but I need to know for Mia and Jake’s sake”

Will’s not happy to hear how Andrew’s treated Nic. Not happy at all.

Here we go again.

Will on a mission to teach another bloke what’s what.

Elona says yes

Peggy’s telling Elona about being worried she is so dependent on her family.

Which is the perfect moment to again tell Elona that the offer of No.3, and work at her house, is still open.

But Peggy is also now offering Darrell work. Doing odd jobs around the house.


[Elona] “We’d ;like to take up your kind offer Peggy”

[Peggy] “That’s wonderful Elona!”

So the die is cast …

It gets worse for Pat and Tony

They’ve received their fuel bill.

[Pat] “We’re really between a rock and a hard place … I can’t believe it's gone up so much … do we pay that or cover our mortgage payments …”

And they haven’t worked out how they’re also going to manage to pay the Underwoods fine.

Pat’s still as negative earlier on.

[Tony] “This time of night everything looks worse”

But Pat’s adamant that it looks bad no matter what time of day. And they’re out of options.

Nic isn’t good with eggs

[Nic] “Can you break the eggs for me. I always get so much shell in”

The Archers Wednesday 28th September 2011: Lilian enjoys ironing

(who’d have thunk it!?!)

  • Tom appreciates his pigs’ intelligence
  • Lilian finds ironing therapeutic
  • Lilian says something negative about James
  • Peggy fell for the ‘he’s a good boy’ ploy
  • Brenda’s irritated
  • I learned a new word today

Tom appreciates his pigs’ intelligence

Which is nice.

And at least he is enjoying the pigs playing football – probably about as much as the pigs enjoy playing it. Though it would seem they’re not actually very good at scoring a goal. Seems they haven’t even managed on so far.

(as a Queen of the South season ticket holder, that feels familiar …)

[Tom] “Pigs are such amazingly talented animals”

I’m quite clear on how much I dislike Tom – but I do like a food producer who respects his animals.

Lilian finds ironing therapeutic

So she says to Peggy. She found it to be calming during all her troubles with Matt.

I wonder if that’s true – or whether Lilian was just saying it to make Peggy feel less guilty about Lilian doing her ironing?

Lilian says something negative about James

She really is full or revelations today.

[Lilian] “I’m finding their constant efforts to find material for their book more than a little wearing”

Will she ever utter that to her beloved son, though?

Peggy fell for the ‘he’s a good boy’ ploy

Peggy is telling Lilian that Darrell is “a decent young man who was led astray” and gives Lilian a row for thinking anything other than that.

After all, Lilian should be aware that not all ex-cons are bad ‘uns.

So, it would seem that Peggy believes everything Elona tells her.

This doesn’t feel like it’s going to end well.

Brenda’s irritated

Rather than just being irritating.

[Brenda] “I’m just feeling really irritated, that’s all … it’s just o annoying to have to speak to James … and then having to hear Lilian bang on about this ridiculous book”

[Tom] “Is it anything to do with you and him?”

Blimey – forgot about Bust Brenda and james.

Seems she’s still annoyed she fell for his rubbish about having great contacts in the media.

I learned a new word today

Bucolic – which is a pastoral poem (noun), of or relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life.

I didn’t note down who said it but they were talking about the book club book:

“It all ends up in what I can describe as bucolic debauchery”

The Archers Tuesday 27th September 2011: Clarrie volunteers

  • Susan’s guide to life’s simple pleasures
  • Clarrie’s wants to be busy
  • Darrel’s a good boy really …
  • Autumn in Ambridge
  • Are vine leaves too much to cope with at a finger buffet?
  • Susan’s mum has a cough

Susan’s guide to life’s simple pleasures

[Susan] “It can make the evening, can’t it … nice finger food”
And Susan is al enjoying the book she chose for the book club, though she is wrong in thinking that Jennifer was also enjoying it (far from it, but Jennifer must be too polite to say so).

[Susan] “She did think it was a nice bit of escapism – but I’d describe it as a classic myself”

Clarrie’s wants to be busy

So she’s going to volunteer at the village shop.

That’s brave. What with what folks have been saying.

But Clarrie would rather suffer the indignity than have to sit around doing nothing.

So she goes to ask Jill, who is delighted that Clarrie wants to help.

[Clarrie] “It’s so long since I had a reception like, when Jill seemed so pleased, I nearly burst into tears”

Funny thing though – Susan said that Jennifer said “it’s really important not to lose the habit of work”. When was the last time Jennifer went out to work? Obviously brining up Ruairi was a full-time job in itself, but when did Jennifer last wear a boiler suit?

Darrel’s a good boy really …

The plot thickens.

Elona was talking to Peggy about how she likes to grow veg, and that she’s a country girl at heart (she grew up on a farm).

Elona then when onto say that Darrel wasn’t a bad chap. He just had “bad luck”, got in with the “group of people”, that he was “stupid” to believe that the boss wouldn’t mind if stuff was stolen from him, that he’s a “good man” who works hard for his family and is ashamed at having gone to prison …. Blah blah blah. Lots of clichés which felt like they were said to smooth the way in for Darrel with Peggy.

[Elona] “Who is going to employ a chippy with a criminal record?”

A stressed out older woman who trusts easily, that’s who.

So Peggy has another go at Lilian – making sure that her previous agreement to let Elona have No.3 for a lower price (without her knowing that Peggy’s aiming up the difference).

Lilian again agrees, so Peggy will no doubt start hassling Elona again.

Though I do think this is all exactly what Elona wants. I’m not convinced her Darrel isn’t a bad ‘un – nor that Elona herself isn’t anything other than a bad ‘un.

Autumn in Ambridge

[Peggy] “I love this time of year. The leaves seem to suddenly catch fire”

Are vine leaves too much to cope with at a finger buffet?

It’s far too big a question for me to answer.

Susan’s been making them for the book club spread – which is benefitting Chris and Alice, as he’s getting the rejects. Which are still good to eat – just not up to a book club standard.

Chris’ plan is to freeze them for Alice’s birthday picnic later in the week.

Susan’s mum has a cough

Oh dear.

Funeral to happen?

Clive to attend?

Monday, 26 September 2011

The Archers Monday 26th September 2011: Joe wants to sell Bartleby!


  • Clarrie wants to be worn out, Pat has a speedy potato harvest, and Susan’s cherry sank …
  • Pat also isn’t getting on well with the bookclub book
  • Doesn’t Joe have many “golden days” to go?
  • A bit of Keats
  • James and Leonie have annoyed Jim again
  • Pat wants to run away
  • Jim has a new pet project
  • The Christmas birds are getting ready
  • Bartleby for the glue factory?

Clarrie wants to be worn out, Pat has a speedy potato harvest, and Susan’s cherry sank …

I kid you not.

Clarrie would give anything to be worn out at the end of the day.

(she hasn’t got work to do)

Bridge Farm has got in the potato harvest in record time.

(well, they’re not busy elsewhere …)

And Pat got a cake from Susan as it was a reject from her Flower and Produce Show entries as the cherry had sunk to the bottom.

(Kathy can confirm that this often happens).

Pat also isn’t getting on well with the bookclub book

She’s stuck on page 20. And reckons it’s all “doom and gloom”

(must be a Scottish author then, I reckon).

[Pat] “The heroine spends her time sobbing in the milking parlour”

Doesn’t seem Susan’s choice is any better than the last one then.

Doesn’t Joe have many “golden days” to go?

Joe, Clarrie and Jim are out picking apples for Joe’s cider.

Joe starts talking about how there are not many golden days left.

Then Clarrie reckons he sounds a bit wheezy.

And when Jim checked Joe was okay about being squarely beaten by Bert entries to the Flower and produce Show.

[Joe] “ … no big deal is it eh, not in the great scheme of things”

Oh dear.

That’s not Joe at all.

A bit of Keats

[Jim] “Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, close bosom-friend of the maturing son … I think Keats must have imagined a scene just like this”

[Joe] “I tell you what, he should have wrote a poem to the Borchester Beauty!”

(an apple)

James and Leonie have annoyed Jim again

Jim is happy that James and Leonie didn’t discover about them apple picking.

[Jim] “We’ll have to swear everyone to secrecy about the cider making or they’ll be down on us like bats out of hell”

Pat wants to run away

[Pat] “It all gets on top of me, I suppose. I just can’t think straight”

Seems Pat and Tony are at the point of having to ask the bank to reduce their mortgage payments, or extend the loan – and Pat hasn’t even begun to think about the £10,000 fine from Underwoods (which isn’t covered by insurance).

[Pat] “I just feel like running away sometimes”

But she doesn’t.

Cause she’s Pat.

Pat tells Kathy that Tom’s being “more cheerful” these days because of his and Brenda’s marketing plans. Which obviously included ditching the brand Pat and Tony have worked for decades to build.

Can anyone blame Pat for feeling a bit negative?

[Kathy] “Things have got to get better, though”

[Pat] “That’s what I keep telling myself”

Jim has a new pet project

Clarrie was telling Jim that there were more varieties of apple when the Grundy’s lived at Grange Farm.

As Oliver hasn’t got time (eh? I thought he was very bored), he’s not looking after the orchard properly.

On pondering it, Jim thinks that the Orchard could produce twice as much as it does.

Ahoy community project!

[Jim] “It would be such a wonderful opportunity to preserve the old varieties”

[Clarrie] “It’s a nice thought Jim, but it’d need a lot of people giving up their time, wouldn’t it”

Which reminds them both of the Village Shop volunteers.

And reminds Jim that running a project with volunteers isn’t as easy as it could seem.

The Christmas birds are getting ready

Blimey – it’s almost like the supermarkets having the Christmas chocolate boxes already out now.

Still, as Clarrie said, the Grundy’s needs their birds this year more than ever.

Bartleby for the glue factory?

Joe tells Clarrie he’d been thinking about how to earn more money.

He doesn’t reckon his pony and trap business will make much difference.


[Joe] “why don't I sell Bartleby …”

[Clarrie] “That’s very kind, but I would let you”

[Joe] “He wouldn’t be worth very much I know … it’d save on his feed”

[Clarrie] “You are Bartleby comes as a pair”

[Joe] “Yeah, well you wouldn’t get much for me, come to that”

Good god!

It is very kind of Joe to put his family before himself – but none of it seems kind to poor Bartleby (and it would have broken Joe’s heart).

Why the severe sacrifice?

[Joe] “When I thought I’d never see you again …”

It’s only taken decades, but I think Joe (and Eddie) might finally appreciate Clarrie.

The Archers Sunday 25th September 2011: The Flower and Produce Show 2011

  • Sabrina’s measuring everything …
  • Peggy missed Church again
  • Jill Vs Peggy
  • James and Leonie are back *sigh*
  • Don’t call Peggy “gran”!
  • Prep on a Sunday
  • Lack of flat caps
  • And the winners are …
  • No Panto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Why Flower and Produce Shows are important

Sabrina’s measuring everything …

Peggy thinks Lynda looks “inundated”.

[Lynda] “Well, I do feel as if I’m turning into Joyce Grenfell”

Later on, when there’s an audible collective gasp from (what sounded like) the WRI

[Lynda] “Sabrina, Sabrina! Please do bother about measuring everything. I don’t think a centimetre here or there makes a difference …”

You tell that to Richard …

Peggy missed Church again

Though she has made it to the Flower and Produce Show to enter her enamelling.

Jill Vs Peggy

Lynda reckons Peggy has displayed her enamelling beautifully.

Peggy’s effort is quite different from Jill’s.

[Peggy] “Hmm, a little more conservative than mine, isn’t it?”

Lynda reckons Jill’s is just a bit more traditional.

Especially in comparison to a rather “garish” tea cosy that someone (unnamed) has entered.
So, who won the battle of the enamel …. ? (Look below a bit).

James and Leonie are back *sigh*

And they’ve been given special permission to get into the Flower and Produce Show before the judging.

(I thought that was a jail able offence)

James has now taken to calling Leonie his “partner”.

So it must be love. And here to stay for a bit.


Don’t call Peggy “gran”!

Especially when she isn’t your gran.

The minute James introduces Leonie to Peggy for the first time, Leonie has the nerve to call her “gran”.


Nasty woman.

(Leonie, not Peggy)

James then adds insult to injury:

[James to Peggy] “We’d love to get your takes on things grant, as an old village resident”

And he and Leonie take the Michael of our Bert taking the Flower and Produce Show so seriously.

Then they have a laugh at Lynda’s mention of gentleman’s buttonholes.

(what’s funny about that?)

THEN, Leonie thinks the “garish” tea cosy is Peggy’s.

For goodness sake!

[Peggy later on] “It was nice to see James this morning, but honestly, they both made me feel at least 100 … they wanted me to perch”

After successfully offending Peggy, Leonie and James move onto Lynda.

[Lynda] “But honestly, the judges’ comments are so amazing!”

[James] “I think the word you used was ridiculous”

[Lynda] “*Sniff*. I don’t think they’re ridiculous at all”

[Leonie] “But how can it matter if someone’s Victoria sponge has got icing sugar instead of caster sugar, or that, ooh, the wax disc has sunk into the jam … it’s all so wonderfully villagey and quaint”

Prep on a Sunday

Poor Freddie (and Lily).

Elizabeth’s keeping them working hard.

Which is pants, on a Sunday, especially as Freddie wants to spend time with Fabien the pony.

Seems Freddie shocked by the amount of homework.

I would too, if I was his age and had to work a Sunday.

Lack of flat caps

[Leonie] “You know what, I was really hoping there’d be more flat caps today”

Then she calls Peggy “gran” again in front of Tony.

[Tony] “Gran???”

[Peggy] “Don’t …”

And the winners are …

The tea cosy came second.

Jill got no placing with her enamel (oh dear)

[Lynda] “The art teacher from Borchester green seemed to think it was very Clarice Cliff”

Peggy got first!

Jim got something (undisclosed) for his Tigerella tomatoes.

But the shock of 2011 – Joe got almost nothing, whereas Bert cleaned up.

That’s a shame. The Grundy’s need a boost.

No Panto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has declared Lynda.

She’s doing a concert instead.

Though it will be festive, she reckons. Christmas Round the World, she says.

Not sure I like the sound of that. And was hoping James would manage to persuade Lynda …

[James] “I suppose there’s no chance you might change it”

Why Flower and Produce Shows are important

[Peggy talking about Jack] “It would have been so lovely to share my news about winning with him. It’s those little things, isn’t it?”

[Elizabeth] “I know …”

[Peggy] “Of course you do”

[Elizabeth] “Do you know what, Aunty Peggy,. It’s been so nice today to just walk out today and know they’re okay, and to feel part of village life again”

[Peggy] “I’m sure. I think today has done us both good, hasn’t it”

Village life. Part of the community. Neighbours. Friends.

That’s our Ambridge.

And that’s something James and Leonie will never get, nor capture in their book.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The Archers Friday 23rd September 2011: Tony is horrified by what he finds at Peggy’s

  • At least the cows are doing their bit
  • Tony likes Tom Archer’s; it just makes Pat sad
  • Marketing ideas in a pig field?!?
  • It’s still (book) bags at dawn
  • Clarrie goes to the dole office
  • Peggy’s house is untidy

At least the cows are doing their bit

at Bridge Farm.

Seems they’re milking well.

Hope their efforts are not going to waste.

Tony likes Tom Archer’s; it just makes Pat sad

Tony thinks Tom’s new brand is good. He likes the use of grass and the type face.

[Pat] “But doesn’t make you sad … that there’s no Bridge Farm anymore … seeing it kinda brings it home to you, like the end of something”

[Tony] “He’s trying to save the product, Pat … he’s not going to help us if his brand goes belly up as well”

Well, I suppose Tony is right. And in a way, Tom is doing the right thing.


I still think it’s odious that Tom has run so quickly away from his parents. They need his help, nit him simply thinking of his own future.

It’s a family business, after all.

Marketing ideas in a pig field?!?

Is Tony’s reaction to being told by Pat that they need to meet Tom in the pig field as he wants to explain his new marketing idea.

Tom actually doesn’t then show up (what a twit!), but Jazzer’s there to explain all and encourage the pigs to play their best.

Tony seems to be quite taken with the pigs playing football.

Jazzer now seems obsessed (I won’t even go into detail about Jazzer working with his pigs later on – he was asking for their commitment and effort. *sigh*)

[Jazzer] “This could be as big as celebrity darts. Bigger, I reckon”

Jazzer thinks that the pigs playing football proves that Tom’s pigs are “fit and healthy and lead an outdoor life”.

Pat isn’t convinced.

[Pat] “It may be modern marketing, but I can’t say I get it … it’s going to take a lot more than footballing pigs to revive our fortunes”

It’s still (book) bags at dawn

Between Emma and Nic.

Seems George had left his had in the shed – at Emma and Ed’s.

Clarrie’s found out, and tells Emma that she needs to tell Nic.

[Emma] ”I don’t think there’s any need for that. I never said she had it ..”

(ahem – that’s a lie, missy!)

[Clarrie] “I think she’d appreciate it if you called to explain”

Aye. Clarrie knows Emma’s tricks all right.

Wonder if Emma will call.

It’s not her style to admit a mistake, or say sorry.

Clarrie goes to the dole office

Or Job Centre, as they optimistically call it there days.

Eddie’s driving Clarrie to the centre. She has “butterflies” about going,

[Eddie] “You’re just asking for what you’re entitled to. So walk in there with your head held high”

But – like a few of us already thought – Clarrie isn’t entitled to anything for a wee bit, as she left her job voluntarily.

Must be such to realise that you can pay your stamp all your life, but you can’t access anything when you really need it.

But that’s the facts these days.

So Clarrie has to suck in her dignity for nothing. And when she does get a payment, it’ll barely keep Clarrie in scourers.

Peggy’s house is untidy

Tony was calling round to Peggy’s to ask her for a loan (second time lucky, especially now that Jack is a bit more settled), but she’s not in.

He goes into the house anyway.

And is shocked that it’s in a mess.

Very unlike Peggy.

Telling Pat about it later on:

[Tony] “What I did do was to get the place tidied up … there must have been two days of washing up in the kitchen, shopping not put away …”

Peggy came home to find Tony cleaning, and was embarrassed, but was also just popping in before she headed back to Jack.

[Tony] “I’m really worried, Pat, this isn’t like mum at all and she’s looking so tired … what are we going to do about it … somehow or other, we’re going to have to take more the burden off of her”
At last – someone notices that Peggy needs help.

Even though a few dirty dishes don’t sound like much, it’s pristine Peggy we’re talking about.

So – again no loan for Pat and Tony – but he’s a good enough son to care more for his mum than for just himself (and his wife).

You hear that Tom?

Thinking of others, no matter how dire your own circumstances are.

Especially your parents.

The Archers Thursday 22nd September 2011: Will and Nic go out

  • Joe insisted on showing Will his onions
  • Nic’s getting ready for a big night out
  • Debbie doesn’t impress David
  • Seems Zofia and Harry are having tearful goodbyes
  • What’s Susan’s bookclub book choice?
  • I’d like canapés in my lunch box
  • For once, it wasn’t Will's fault
  • Brookfield to fall to Home Farm?

Joe insisted on showing Will his onions

Well, Joe is of that age. And it is nearly Flower and Produce show time.

Nic’s getting ready for a big night out

She wants Will home in good time for a special supper, after she’s had time to have a bath and relax, then they’re off out to a gig,

[Nic] “I wanted to get glammed up for my man … Mitch Riley … I’m joking, Why would I want a lead singer when I’ve got you!”

(is Mitch Riley a real person, or a fabrication of Nic’s imagination?)

Debbie doesn’t impress David

With her talk of super dairies.

David was asking her if she thought that super dairies were the way the world was going.

[Debbie] “As far as the UK is concerned, I can see for all types, to be honest”

Debbie reckons that while “traditional” dairy farmers like David will do deals and sell direct into supermarkets and the like, the super dairies will sell on commodity markets – on a global scale.

David isn’t so sure.

He reckons that where UK super dairies will have thousands of cows, American ones will have thirty thousand. Meaning the Americans will drive down the global price, so UK super dairies have to go back into selling into local and national retailers – squeezing chaps like David out.

Seems Zofia and Harry are having tearful goodbyes

Though we don’t get to hear them. It’s Jennifer telling Brian about it.

Will Harry settle back into his Odd Couple relationship with Jazzer?

Will Fallon now have a look-in?

What’s Susan’s bookclub book choice?

Neither Jennifer nor Brian seems to be impressed by it.

[Jennifer] “That wretched tome I’ve having to plough through for the book club …”

Brian remembers that Jennifer was on about a character in it called Agnes, who had to walk through the snow for Christmas – Jennifer tells him that Agnes had to sleep in a sheep shed, and was “about to come under the influence of the local landowner …"


But neither Jennifer nor Brian tells is what the book is. What is annoying.

I’d like canapés in my lunch box

[Jennifer] “Poor Neil is getting canapé in his lunch box”

Seems Susan is going overdrive in trying to keep up with Jennifer.

Jennifer hosted the last bookclub meeting, so Susan’s determined to have as good as, if not better, hospitality.

So she’s testing her food out on Neil.

Whereas Brian reckons that Neil would be far happier with a cheese and pickle sandwich – I’d be quite happy to be such a guinea pig.

Sounds yum.

For once, it wasn’t Will's fault

Will arrives home to find a rather annoyed and upset Nic.

Seems her ex, Andrew, didn’t pick the kids up from school.

So Nic had to go and get them, grovel to their children, and then annoy her mum by having the dump the kids off with her.

Andrew texted after the fact (something had could up, he claims) but now won’t switch his phone answer Nic.

[Nic] “Everything’s spoilt … I haven’t even started the supper. I was going to do it in a lovely white sauce … I was going to have a really nice afternoon, pampering myself, now I look like an old frump … it’s just typical of him”

[Will] “I’m not going to let him ruin our plans … so let’s forget about your stupid ex and let’s get ready to party”

So Will cooks a rather passable supper while Nic gets ready.

He reckons she looks fabulous.

[Will] “How did I get to be so luck?”

[Nic] “It’s not luck. It’s just you”

Nic actually apologises for her outburst earlier on (blimey – who’d ever thought it’s be Nic rather than Will saying that?).

Nic kisses Will.

[Will] “What was that for?”

[Nic] “Everything,. Being you. Love you, Will Grundy”

Must (must) mean there will be wedding bells soon.

Brookfield to fall to Home Farm?

Debbie wants to have 1,500 cows on the super diary. That means she needs Borchester Land, and Home Farm to get involved.

In fact, if Debbie can persuade David to get involved – she could get the cows up to 2,000.

[Brian] “I can’t see that happening”

Debbie agrees, but she is a canny lady. We’ll have to keep our eye on her.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

The Archers Wednesday 21st September 2011: Tom is ridiculous

(more so than usual)

  • Tom Archer’s Borchester Sausages rides again
  • Jennifer offers Clarrie cream buns
  • Shula’s teaching Freddie to hunt
  • For F sake Tom …
  • Jazzer’s in danger from the Old Firm

Tom Archer’s Borchester Sausages rides again

I suppose it’s nice Tom has faith in Brenda

And vice versa.

Tom is showing Brenda the new logo he’s had designed. She approves. Seems it has good “colours, an interest in the design” and is, at the same time “reassuring”.

Tom’s delighted. After all, Brenda is a marketing expert (!!!!!!!!!).

So – welcome back Tom Archer’s Borchester Sausages. Even though you were reborn out of your parents’ tragedy … (selfish little twit).

Tom even has a great idea for the brand launch. Which is something to do with a little ball.

Jennifer offers Clarrie cream buns

Jennifer bumps into Clarrie in town.

Clarrie’s not had a good day of appointments. But Clarrie is very calm and philosophical. She comes out with a string of clichés – “No point crying about it” and the like – which doesn’t sound too convincing to me.
Jennifer offers Clarrie a nice big cream bun – which Clarrie at first politely refuses, but Jennifer really (really) wants a cream bun with Clarrie.

[Jennifer] “To be honest, I could rather do with some company,. Sure you couldn’t change your mind … and of course, it’d be my treat”

Seems Jennifer is lonely. Her days feel empty.

Seems Clarrie didn’t get a job she’d went for. She feels old and useless.

[Jennifer] “Oh Clarrie. You’re no age at all”

What’s more, Clarrie has the joys of going to the dole office.

[Clarrie] “Never thought I’d see myself on one of them places”

[Jennifer, slightly in awe of Clarrie having been in such a place and survived] “Was it alright?”

[Clarrie – in philosophical mood again] “At least it got me out the house, I suppose … I got to count my blessings, I still got me strength and health … plenty of people with real trouble, I ain’t got much to complain about when I weight it up”

Jennifer made a quite stupid remark about Clarrie should think about volunteering – forgetting that Clarrie isn’t looking for a job to fill het time, it’s to buy food and stuff.

Am I missing something – but surely Home Farm has some work for Clarrie?

How about Jennifer herself?

Do posh ladies still need companions?

Shula’s teaching Freddie to hunt

Well, she’s prepping his hunting riding skills.

And that’s all I have to say on the matter. It wasn’t particularly interesting.

For F sake Tom …

Imagine the scene.

Tom’s showing Brenda what his launch plan is.

He takes her outside. He has a ball.

Jazzer’s also there. With the pigs.

Have you guess yet?


Pigs playing football.


Expect, they weren’t playing football. They actually weren’t showing much of an interest at all.

[Tom] “Hang on., They really got stuck in last time”

Brenda doesn’t seem too impressed, but Tom reckons if he can get them going – and film it – he’ll use it online to ‘go viral’.

As @ElsieEmm said on Twitter: “Are you sure you want Bridge Farm to 'go viral' Tom? Again?”

(I know – technically not Bridge Farm, but point well indeed made).

It’s actually not a bad idea. It would have been quite a good idea, if anyone else has said it.

But it was Tom.

And he can really do no right, in my opinion.

Jazzer’s in danger from the Old Firm

I hope I heard this wrong – but I thought I heard Jazzer liken the pigs to Celtic and Rangers.

Good god man!

You should know that it isn’t clever to make fun of the Old Firm.

Folks have been stabbed for lesser comments …

The Archers Tuesday 20th September 2011: Chris and Brian’s candlesticks

  • Debbie is just outside Basingstoke
  • Peggy has a sore head
  • Chris had an odd request
  • At a new tea room near Darrington
  • Alice posing online
  • Enamel, decisions and a cloakroom

Debbie is just outside Basingstoke

Looking at more super dairies.

She’s really serious about it, then.

Peggy has a sore head

Oh dear. I hope this isn’t the start of something …

Peggy is very stressed.

Jack is out of hospital, and back at The laurels, but it hasn’t made life any easier for Peggy.

He’s very “needy”, hasn’t settled, is confused and can’t eat properly as his grip hasn’t improved.

Elona is the only other person who can calm Jack, so Peggy is having to spend most of her day at The Laurels looking after Jack.

[Jennifer] “You can’t do that every day mum,. You must make some space for yourself, or you’ll tire yourself out”

[Peggy] “Easier said than done I’m afraid … if you saw the way his face lights up when he sees me, it warms your heart, it really does”

Worried that Peggy also isn’t eating properly (she had beans on toast for breakfast … the shame!), Jennifer persuades her to partake of her beef casserole supper that evening.

Chris had an odd request

[Chris] “I’ve got a favour to ask, it might seem a bit strange …you know that candlestick you’ve got on the landing near Ruairi’s room, do you think I could have a quick look and maybe take a photo?”

Jennifer and Brian consent.

[Chris] “It’s heavy …”

[Brian] “I used to used it to prop open my office door”

Turns out Chris wants to copy the candlestick, so that he can “knock one up” in his forge (out of steel). Seems Alice has a very warm liking for it.

Aw. What a sweet (relatively) newlywed chap he is.

Alice posing online

Jennifer is aghast!

Seems Alice is selling some of her clothes online (EBay, one would imagine).

[Brian] “And there will be pictures, I suppose … Jennifer is a touch worried about that”

[Chris] “Tell her Alice isn’t going to be wearing them .. it’s a thought though. We might do much better if she did”

At a new tea room near Darrington

The new tea room is where Jennifer takes Jill on her (Elizabeth’s) first day back driving.

Jill does approve of the tea room. It has “lovely China” (which Jill thinks make all the difference) and also has lovely cakes.

Then – they play a game of Jill mentioning David, while Elizabeth ignores such mentions and then changes the subject.

Elizabeth asks about Pip’s trip away – she ignores Jill’s mention of seeing Pip when she went over for David’s birthday.

Elizabeth talks about Pip and Spencer, and Pip going to Uni – she ignores Jill’s mention of David being proud of Pip - and wanting her to be able to stay farming at Brookfield.

Elizabeth then talks about Freddie looking forward to going hunting, even though she knows Jill doesn’t approve of hunting. Jill would rather Freddie was just happy riding in the ring.

Enamel, decisions and a cloakroom

Peggy manages to make it to Jennifer and Brian for supper.

She’s still tired.

Seems Ted’s been irritating her – continually asking what enamel she’s putting into the flower and produce show. One, according to Peggy, is as she wants it to be – the other is a bit “abstract … a splodge of different colours”. Any anyway, Peggy doesn’t feel like making decisions right now,

In fact, she’s so tired and worn down that she asks Brian to drive her home before she’s had any supper.

Poor Peggy.

(but she does still call a cloakroom a cloakroom. Wonderful).

The Archers Monday 19th September 2011: There’s talk of The Dole

  • Emma’s having a go again
  • Joe got locusts and a nice card
  • Clarrie to sponge for a career?
  • I’d forgotten Pip was on holiday
  • Pip got David something soft and leather …
  • Crushing heifers
  • Since when was Alana “The vicar?”
  • Harvest supper at Brookfield?

Emma’s having a go again

So reckons Nic.

Seems Emma has been complaining that Will and Nic returned George minus his book bag – so he didn’t have his reading book at school.

[Will] “Typical Emma, she was making a big deal about it … she can be so high and mighty sometimes, like she’s the perfect parent, that no-one else has any idea”

Nic also reckons that it was Emma who has lost the bag.

It’d be (hand)bags at dawn if they could find it …

Joe got locusts and a nice card

Seems that after Amy and Alice arrived at Joe’s, the rest of the young ‘uns helping out at Bridge Farm also turned up to celebrate Joe’s birthday.

[Joe] “It was like a cloud of blooming locusts”

But, Joe was actually quite pleased.

He wasn’t so pleased that Alf couldn’t make it, but seems he did send him a nice birthday card.

Clarrie to sponge for a career?

Clarrie’s not having much luck finding any positions vacant.

[Clarrie] “Ain't never no jobs in the Westbury Courier”

She’s doing her best though. She’s even been pondering one of those foot-in-the-door sales jobs.

[Eddie] “No. I’m not having you selling door to door”

[Clarrie] “I’ve got to do summit,. The bills won’t pay themselves”
I’m with Eddie. I’d hate the thought of Clarrie selling door to door – the inevitable slams in the face would cripple her.

But Joe and Eddie have a plan B.

[Eddie] “We think you ought to sign on”

[Clarrie, a bit shocked] “Going on the Parish, my dad used to call it”

Clarrie later chats it all through with Nic.

[Clarrie] “I ain't used to sitting round with nothing to do … Joe and Eddie are doing my head in”

On the dole:

[Clarrie] “It’s probably hard at your age to understand … but we were taught to stand on your own two feet,. Not sponging off the state”

But Nic persuades Clarrie to at least have a look at what she’s entitled to. Which I perfectly agree with.


Is Clarrie entitled to anything right now? She left her job, so doesn’t she have to wait a while before she can claim?

And, as a rural dweller myself, I can reckon it doesn’t pay to be unemployed if you live in the countryside. It often costs more to get to the dole than you can actually claim.

I’d forgotten Pip was on holiday

In Dubrovnik.

But have remembered now that she’s back home. With her photos.

Pip got David something soft and leather …

… a bag.

How quite dull. But necessary, I suppose.

And it’s more than he got from Elizabeth for his birthday. Not even a card …

Crushing heifers

[Ruth] “I’ve got to get a couple of heifers in the crush before I get the rest of the cows in”

That’d sound painful, or something to do with a smoothie, if we didn’t know better,

Since when was Alan “The vicar?”

Pip is quite odd sometimes.

She goes through to Ruth to say that “the vicar” just called round to ask about a barn for the harvest supper.


Whoever (ever) calls Alan “the vicar”?

Pip’s getting dull and formal. Oh dear.

Harvest supper at Brookfield?

So, after “the vicar” spoke to Pip, Ruth’s a bit perturbed to find out that Pip has volunteered one of  Brookfield’s barns for the harvest supper.

Again – what’s wrong with The Bull?

Sunday, 18 September 2011

The Archers Sunday 18th September 2011: Joe Grundy’s Ninetieth Birthday

  • Clarrie doesn’t want to have to go
  • A ventouse is a kind of suction thing you put on a baby’s head
  • Amy and Alice tattie picking
  • Joe’s cider
  • Glamorous Clarrie?
  • Alice and Amy get vertical
  • Harvest supper venue problems, again
  • Jim’s sense of fun
  • Mike wants green burial, Alistair wants Josh
  • A thought for those departed
  • Did Jim have a point to make?
  • It’s also David’s birthday

Clarrie doesn’t want to have to go

She’s doing the food (Christine’s puddings are in the van, and the pork just need sliced), but even seeing a very helpful David doesn’t make Clarrie any more keen to go to Joe’s party.

[David] “Ninety years old, eh, that’s a bit special … Oh Clarrie, um, just wanted to say, well, it’s great to see you back. After your trip”

Eddie tries to bluster that Clarrie was just away for Rosie’s birthday, but I think Eddie’s attempts to cover up Clarrie going on a wander is backfiring.

[Clarrie] “Well that were nice of him. Don’t know what he were thinking … I wish I didn’t have to face everyone so soon”

But of course, Clarrie being Clarrie turns out for Joe’s birthday at the Cider Club.

A ventouse us a kind of suction thing you put on a baby’s head

So says Amy.

Amy and Alice tattie picking

Alice has persuaded Amy to help do tattie picking at Bridge Farm.

[Alice] “Their business is heading for the buffers, seemingly”

Which makes Alice feel that her and Chris’ economy drive is rather small fry in comparison.

Joe’s cider

[David] “Not a bad drop of stuff that, Joe”

[Joe] “Well take a proper swig then … finest tonic known to man, this is”

Seems Joe is starting on the 2011 vintage soon. And he has permission from Oliver to take the fallen apples off of his land.

[Joe] “Oliver Sterling … a great supporter of local enterprise”

Jim’s sense of fun

[Jim] “I don’t see much going on at this table”

[Joe] “That’s cause we’re enjoying ourselves”

[Jim] “Well, that can stop right now!”

Jim’s determined to stick to his and Bert’s plan of ye oldie fashioned games. So, Joe’s tables has to crack on with dominoes or cribbage.

Jim has even drawn up a fixture list. And:

[Jim] “A series of conversion factors allowing comparison of the point’s total of the various games, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory”

Right barrel of laughs, is our Jim.

Glamorous Clarrie?

[Jim] “Well we’re delighted to see you Clarrie. It’s what the cider club’s needed for a long time. A bit of glamour”

What is Clarrie wearing to Joe’s party???

Alice and Amy get vertical

Oo-er missus!

[Alice] “Hang on a bit. Cam we try being vertical for a couple of minutes? … Ooh. Doesn’t half get your back when you’re not used to it “


Harvest supper venue problems, again

Amy was asking Alice for an empty barn that her dad could use for the harvest supper.

As Amy herself said, Alan always seems to get let down last minute.

Didn’t they hold it in The Bull last year?

What’s wrong with going there again?

Mike wants green burial, Alistair wants Josh

 (it’s almost as if Frankie Howard was alive and well)

David reckons Mike’s interested in managing the green burial site.

And Alistair wants Josh for the cricket team.

A thought for those departed

[Joe] “Shame some of the old uns aren’t here to see it …Tom Forrest, Walter Gabriel, used to like a game of cribbage”

And as David reminded him, Dan Archer was also quite partial to a game of cribbage.

Did Jim have a point to make?

Jim seemed to be trying to say to Clarrie that it’s not her fault about the E. coli.

But, in a very cack handed way.

He complemented her on her egg and ham pie.

The started waffling about how everything it made in far too hygienic conditions these days, afy6er he’d noticed that Clarrie was drinking wine rather than Joe’s cider.

[Clarrie] “I wouldn’t touch that, I’ve seen how he makes it”

[Jim] “Which is precisely why it’s so beneficial in my opinion, it challenges the immune system which makes us all the stronger”

Seems Jim was trying to somehow say that Clarrie had done folks a favour by giving them E. coli.

Hmmm. Taking that a bit too far, Jim, methinks.

It’s also David’s birthday

Not that you’d have noticed amongst all the glory of Jim’s 90th.

But then again, suppose it would be very tasteful for David to have a big celebration, considering Nigel …

The Archers Friday 16th September 2011: Will and Ed pretend to be mates

  • The Tony Archer clan want Clarrie to know they care
  • Vicky is relieved
  • The Bridge Farm brand is not for dumping!
  • Ed and Will get cosy
  • It wasn’t about money
  • Meg stole George’s sausage roll

The Tony Archer clan want Clarrie to know they care

Pat’s wondering to Tony if she should go to see Clarrie. To tell her that she’s glad Clarrie got home okay.

[Pat] “I’m still very fond of her. I feel I should tell her”

[Tony] “I don’t think that’s a good idea, not right now. They’re all rallying round as a family … and I’ve been round to see her, she knows how we feel”

Tom also joins in. Pretending he gives a hoot for Clarrie …

[Tom] “Mum, it’s business. We had to let her go. Clarrie understand that. It doesn’t mean we’ve stopped caring for her”

What an ar*e. Does anyone buy that Tom actually cares for Clarrie?

[Pat] “He's got such and uncomplicated view of life has Tom”

[Tony] “That’s because he doesn’t see anyone else’s point of view”
Though Pat thinks that the whole Clarrie situation has emphasised just how family is more important than business – but I still reckon Tom would rather have money in his own pocket, than help Pat and Tony.

He’d even sell Peggy if he was offered the chance …

Vicky is relieved

That Clarrie is back home, though:

[Vicky] “I’ll never forgive myself for what I said …”
Vicky calls round to see Clarrie.

[Vicky] “I only said it because I was disgusted with Derek Fletcher’s comment … I felt terrible … I just wanted to say I was sorry. And are we friends again?”

[Clarrie] “Definitely. Life’s too short, innit"

(innit? When did Clarrie speak street lingo?)

And there we have it.

Saint Clarrie returns.

The Bridge Farm brand is not for dumping!

Pat’s still worried about Tony and Tom not talking.

So Tony has a chat with Tom.

Tony  tells Tom that he does understand about Tom rebranding.

[Tony] “If you feel that severing the link with Bridge Farm and bringing back the Tom Archer brand is the only way ahead, the last thing I’d want to do is stand in your way”

[Tom] “It’s not the way I want to go … but I have no choice”

Aye you do, Tom. In my humble opinion, you could choose to stand with and help your parents.

Tony asks Tom to still work with them to get the Bridge Farm brand back on an even level – which Tom does say yes to – but stipulates that Tony and Pat need to support (back off?) Tom and Helen in modernising.

(yup, he’s on about social networking gain … )

[Tony] “Your mum and I only wanted one thing for this busi9ess, and that was to hand it over to you and Helen, hopefully ins flourishing state”

(you know what Tony? If Helen wasn’t around – I’d say sell up now and retire. Forget about that selfish little numpty Tom)

While Tom did admit that he should have been a bit more “tolerant” of Pat and Tony when the poop really hit the fan – he’s now adamant that they’ve killed the Bridge Farm brand.

[Tony] “No way, Your mum and I have spent out lives building up that brand, I’m not about to give it up yet”

Quite right Tony. Dig in, do your best … and also disinherit your (remaining) son. He doesn’t deserve you.

Ed and Will get cosy

Only for Clarrie’s sake, though.

Ed suggests that Clarrie needs cheering up.

[Ed] “What I was thinking we could go round there together, like we’re mates”

[Will] “That’s pushing it a bit far!”

[Ed] “Yeah, I know what you mean … “

[Will] “What do you get out of it? You and Emma after some free babysitting are you?”

[Ed] “Course we’re not. You’ve got a really cynical attitude, you have”

Will relents, as it is for Clarrie, so agrees to go round with Ed. And to pay for half of the box of chocolates Ed already bought for Clarrie.

Odd thing, though. When Ed bought the chocolates from Vicky in the village shop, they were £10. He tells will they were £9.50. And is a tad irritated that Will gives him a fiver, and makes a point of asking for 25p back.

(I don’t have an answer for what that’s all about. Just that it was odd)

[Will] “Don’t expect me to act as if we’re best mates though. I can’t do the impossible!”

But they do manage to stay civil to each other, long enough to make Clarrie feel at home.

Ed is amazed at Eddie and Joe’s rather caring behaviour.

[Clarrie] “You're all getting me into bad habits. I could get used to this”

It’s come about in a really horrible way – but about time Clarrie was cared for.

It wasn’t about money

Tony is telling Pat about Tom’s opinion about the Bridge Farm brand.

That it’s now “toxic”

[Pat] “Oh Tony, we’ve put everything into that brand … we can’t let it go Tony, after all that … when you think what the name Bridge Farm used to stand for. I can’t believe it’s all gone …”

[Tony] “Things we wanted to achieve … it wasn’t about getting rich … what mattered in those days was local food, local jibs, creating a great environment …”

[Pat] “We were there long before it become fashionable … I’d still rather have all those things than make money”

[Tony] “Well, our kids aren’t like that. They’ve both got business heads on their shoulders”

[Pat] “Well maybe that’s what it needs, A bit less of the romantic stuff .. .who knows it might be a winning formula, us with our organic ideals, and those two with their hefty dose of market realism …”

[Tony] “… but while there’s life left in the business, the Bridge Farm name stays”

Still think they should just disinherit Tom …

Meg stole George’s sausage roll

And George thought it was brilliant.

Takes all sorts, I suppose.

The Archers Thursday 15th September 2011: Clarrie comes home

  • Joe doing the housework
  • Why did Clarrie leave?
  • Clarrie is useless?
  • Joe says his bit to Tony
  • That kid is out of hospital
  • Clarrie comes home
  • Eddie on a PR spin mission
  • Eddie loves Clarrie

Joe doing the housework

Ed was quite rightly left stunned and wondering if he’d walked into a parallel universe.

[Joe] “If you’re coming in, you’d better take them boots off”

[Ed] “Now there’s something I thought I’d never see, you washing the kitchen floor”

[Joe] “Well, we can’t have the place looking like a bullock yard when Clarrie gets back … I hope them overalls of yours ain't mucky, I don’t want them cushions smelling of jersey cow”

Why did Clarrie leave?

[Clarrie] “When I heard Vicky Tucker say them words, ‘that dirty woman’, something just snapped … I knew I had to get away, you understand that Eddie … so I though that’s it ... I've had enough”

Seems Clarrie was picked up by a “nice chap” in a delivery van into town (he’d seen her struggling along with her bags). Then she got the coach to Peterborough.

Then … she slept in the bus station. There wasn’t a way out to Yarmouth that night.

Eddie is aghast.

Even more so when Clarrie tells him that her sister Rosie had made her call home …

Clarrie is useless?

[Clarrie] “You see! I’m useless. It’d be better for everyone if I wasn’t around”

Nooo Clarrie. No.

[Eddie] “It's cobblers … and I won’t have you say anything like that ever again”

[Eddie] “We’ll get through it, like we have before”

[Clarrie] “There’s a chance I won’t never get a job again, not at my age … I don’t deserve you Eddie, like I said, I’m rubbish."

Joe says his bit to Tony

Tony’s round at the Grundy’s, seeing if Clarrie is back, or if there’s anything else he can do.

[Tony] “We thought we’d have all the bad news … we felt sick”

[Joe] “You shouldn’t have sacked her, should you … that’s what set al the tongues wagging round here … she took it really hard you know, losing her job … you think on it …”

Tony explains that she did leave of her own accord – but Joe reckons it’s the same difference.

Tony tries to explain to Joe just how hard life has been at Bridge Farm.

[Tony] “When a farm is on the slide, it’s hard to stop the rot …”

[Joe] “You’re sitting there pretty, Tony Archers … I grew up in the 30s remember, that’s when times really where really hard, so don’t you sit there telling me what a struggle it all is …”
Joe reckons that Tony at least has the land, that he can sell at a profit, even though he has a mortgage on it.

Clarrie has nothing to fall back on.

And he has Tom and Helen – who are clever and hard working.

Clarrie has Will and Ed (hard working, but can be a tad unreliable depending on who Emma’s decided she’s with).

In Joe’s mind – all will be well at Bridge Farm. But he can’t say the same about his Clarrie.

And that really (really) annoys him.

That kid is out of hospital

But what about the adults that were ill?

Are they not worth a mention?

Clarrie comes home

As Joe spots Clarrie and Eddie arriving home:

[Joe] “You stay where you are, Tony Archer go running off the moment she gets here, it’ll make her feel even worse”

Joe lays out a “nice bright tablecloth”.

[Joe] “Flowers Edward, please …Now then, let’s all be cheerful, shall we”

[Clarrie] “I must say this place is looking very spic and span”

[Joe] “Oh we missed you Clarrie, this place ain't the same without you”

Joe then offers to pop out for some pies, but Clarrie reckons she’ll open a tin of ham.

Is it just me, or is part of the problem that, without her job, Clarrie’s noticed what a humdrum life she has?

Tin of ham?

Clarrie deserves better. Much so.

Eddie on a PR spin mission

Eddie pops out to call Ruth (out of range of Clarrie’s ear). Ruth had been round earlier on, and knew that Clarrie had gone missing.

Eddie calls to play to down, and make like she’d just gone to Rosie’s for Rosie’s birthday.

Not more sinister than that.

[Eddie] “There’s probably all rumours flying round the village at the moment!”

Ruth at least says she understands. But I don’t think Eddie’s going to manage to convince anyone with that tall tale …

Eddie loves Clarrie

[Eddie] “I’m doing me best to understand what’s happened Clarrie, but it’s not easy …

…”but there’s one thing I want you to know, we’ll get through this together, like we always do …

“… you mean the whole world to me, Clarrie, you know that … no matter what happens, you’re the centre of my life and you’ll always will”

Bless him.

Maybe he should start by popping out to get more in for tea than a tin of ham …

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

The Archers Wednesday 14th September 2011: Joe has to make the tea

(only cups of, mind. Nic brought round sandwiches)

  • The Police have been called in
  • Mr Bennett is very proud of his cows
  • Vicky confesses
  • Eddie does care …
  • "Rosie, Won't You Please Come Home?"

The Police have been called in

It’s the morning after, and Clarrie still isn’t home.

Eddie is frantic.

Joe’s having to make the cups of tea.

They’ve called the Police – they’ve called all their friends – they’ve called Clarrie on her mobile.

But, she’s left it at home. (typical)

Where is Clarrie?

Ed bizarrely suggests to check their field, which perplexes everyone until he clarifies:

[Ed] “If she wants to be on her own for a bit … the cider club”

And the key to the Club is missing!

Is Clarrie in the shed drinking cider?

Mr Bennett is very proud of his cows

And Brian seems quite impressed as well.

Debbie’s plan to start a Super Dairy in Ambridge starts with persuading Brian that there’s nothing to be perturbed (or ashamed?) of.

So – Mr Bennett’s shed is airy – with loads of space – and the cows (Brian reckons) look good.

[Debbie] “Stick it (the shed) on arable like we’ve got on the estate, and you’ve got joined up thinking”

Case closed, super dairy ahoy?

Mais non.

Brian seems to be softening in his old age. Especially having worked at Brookfield briefly just after the cows had been let out after winter.

[Brian] “It’s all good hytec stuff, but the fact is that people still like seeing cows out on grass … so do I come to that”

So, Debbie has to do planning and strategy type reports to see if it’s all feasible.

But, Brian tells Debbie that they can’t tell Adam. Yet.


Will Adam be against it? Will it get in the way of his berries???

Vicky confesses

Vicky turns up at the Grundy’s to see Clarrie, so is told by Joe that Clarrie hasn’t returned home.

[Vicky] “Wherever can she be?”

[Joe] “I wish I knew missus”

[Vicky] “This is difficult to say, bit it’s possible I might be partly to blame for this …”

Vicky has to fess up in front of Joe, Eddie and Ed (as Eddie and Ed have returned from the Cider shed, still without Clarrie).

She tells them that she’d only been repeating the outrageous slur (my words) that Derek Fletcher had said, and that she hadn’t realise Clarrie was in the shop.

Ed, understandably, wants to have “a word” with Derek Fletcher.

And I have to give credit to Vicky for taking responsibility for her rather large mouth.

Abut after Vicky has left:

[Ed] “Stupid woman!”

Eddie does care …

[Eddie] “Edward look, I’m not sure I can go there (the quarry) , the thought of you mum being … if anything happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do …

“… this might seem daft to you, all the years your mum and me have been together, there’s a lot of stuff I’ve still got to tell her … things it’s hard to say in a marriage …

“ … well, things like they’re the reason you still want to get up in the morning and make something of the day, they’re the reason you go on believing in yourself, even though deep down you know you’re useless”

Luckily is not too little too late for Eddie – maybe this will all help him to treat Clarrie like the lovely lady she is from now on, rather than just chief cook and bottle washer?

"Rosie, Won't You Please Come Home?"

(song by The Kinks)

I might have missed something – but at one point Eddie realised that he should try and call Rosie (Clarrie’s sister). It’s her birthday today, she lives in Yarmouth, so Clarrie could be there.

After all, that’s where Will once nipped to …

But, after initial fears that Clarrie could be ‘in’ the quarry (she wasn’t), Clarrie calls.

She’s at Rosie’s.

[Clarrie] “I’m so ashamed, whatever must you have been though … as if I ain't caused enough trouble”

So why didn’t Eddie call Rosie earlier on? Or, did he, and Rosie lied?


Clarrie is safe.

But will she return?

The Archers Tuesday 13th September 2011: Where is Clarrie???

  • That was really (really) horrible
  • Freshly rubbed down trap for hire
  • Joe’s birthday will be a riot
  • “I know a joke about Pythagoras”
  • They only noticed when their tummies felt empty

That was really (really) horrible

Just an average day in the village shop.

Clarrie’s in buying scourers. Susan is wittering on about something or other (though her mum does have a best chest).

Never a word of warning about the horror we were about to witness.

Clarrie has been asking Susan about whether there had been any interested in the card she put up.

I thought it was brave of Clarrie in the first place – advertising that you are available for work could be seen as desperate, and I’d imagine could be a bit embarrassing. But, Clarrie is as Clarrie does – she soldiers on.
Susan told Clarrie that lots of people have “commented” on the card … “like they were interested”.

Though she did sound a bit shifty.

Clarrie then goes to the back of the shop to find a scourer – Vicky comes out from the store room (or something) and blurts out:

[Vicky] “Susan, I didn’t tell you, did I, about what the awful man Derek Fletcher said about Clarrie’s advert …’Who'd want that dirty woman doing your cleaning or looking after your kids’ …” 

Susan did try to tell Vicky to shut, and Vicky didn’t realise Clarrie was in.

But damage done.

Clarrie leaves the shop, understandably devastated.

[Vicky] “I only mentioned it, because he made me so angry about what he’d said Vicky … I need to tell her I’m on her side really!”

Good lord.

Bad enough that Clarrie brought E coli into Bridge Farm. Bad enough that folks got ill. Bad enough that Clarrie had to leave her job, and Pat/Tony are in dire straits. Bad enough that Clarrie knew there’d be rumours.


For a woman like Clarrie, to be so unreservedly called “dirty” is beyond the pale. She’ll now think that’s what everyone is has been saying behind her back.

My poor Clarrie. What have they done to you?

Freshly rubbed down trap for hire

I'd get in there quick, if I were you.

Joe’s also putting a sign up to say Bartleby’s trap is available for weddings AND funerals.

Wonder if that includes Bartleby’s services?

Joe’s birthday will be a riot

Well, not at all, actually.

Between Jim and Bert, it’s going to be a tad tame, if they get their way.

[Jim] “It’s never a good idea to spend the entire day drinking and eating”

[Bert] “I’m not sure Joe would agree with you there”

[Jim] “In my experience theses sort of landmark events are always more satisfying when there’s an element of intellectual stimulation … it’s Joe’s 90th which means he was born in 1921, how about a move, a period classic … The Battleship Potemkin, good action stuff

[Bert] “Is that one of Spielberg’s?”

[Jim] “Eisenstein …”

(course we, erm, all knew that …. Just in case, here’s where I looked it up:

Bert reckons that sort of film is not what Joe would want with his cider, and he also try to steer Jim away from another quiz (it’d hurt their heads, he reckons) – not a quiz as hurt heads.

Eddie comes in as they’re chatting, and tells them that they just need to have cider. The rest will take care of itself.

“I know a joke about Pythagoras”

Steady on there Jim!

Still on about Joe’s 90th, Bert has suggested a comedy hour. Then suggested a cribbage tournament. Eddie’s not amused by that one.

[Eddie] “about as exciting as watching a fly walk up the wall …might as well do a poker school”

[Bert] “My Freda don’t hold with poker”

[Eddie] “Women never do, that’s why blokes play it”

Jim came up with an interesting fact (that was genuinely interesting … or at least it was to me).

Seems Cribbage is the only pub game you can legally play for money.

(I did say it was interesting … not ground-breaking!).

The cribbage chat sets Bert and Jim off on thoughts of dominoes, shove ha’penny, table skittles …

… so, Joe’s birthday is now a day of “traditional pub games”

Which sounds fine.

Expect I agree with Eddie.

Just get the cider in.

They only noticed when their tummies felt empty

Eddie and Joe take a while to realise that something is amiss.

It’s only tea time that Eddie notices Clarrie isn’t around.

[Eddie] “Hasn’t she put any supper in?”

So – Eddie decides to check The Bull to see if Clarrie got a last minute shift.

Course, he doesn’t phone. He needs to go there in person.

But he makes sure that Joe knows to tell Clarrie that he fancies toad in the hole tonight.

After spending a fair while at the pub (talking to Jim and Bert about Joe’s 90th), Eddie returns home.

[Joe] “Oh there you are, have you brought anything in for supper?”

No. Eddie hasn’t, as he expected Clarrie back.

But she isn’t there.

She’s not at Will and Nic’s, he can’t get through to Ed and Emma, so Eddie calls Susan.

[Susan] “Are you saying he hasn’t been back since then … so where is she then … just a minute, there’s something I ought to tell you Eddie … very upset … I think she took it the wrong way …”

Eddie finally twigs that something is indeed amiss. Clarrie hasn’t been seen for hours on hours.

I am genuinely worried for Clarrie.

She feels so guilty, has no job, Eddie is having to work for make up for her loss of earnings AND now she knows for sure that folks are talking behind her back.

Goodness knows where she’s gone to.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

The Archers Monday 12th September 2011: Tom behaves appallingly to Tony

  • Tom decides Tom Archer’s is the only way forward
  • Freddie to start hunting
  • Happier times for Pat and Tony
  • Did Shula really say she had a gloryhole?
  • Helen talks sense, Pat just shouts

Tom decides Tom Archer’s is the only way forward

Not that it should come as a surprise. Tom has always been on the wanker side of being a knob.

(do excuse my French, but that Tom Archer has always been a pet hatred of mine)

Tom has lost his best customer, who had been buying off of him for two years.

[Tom] “Now he ends it with an email. ‘Sorry but I can’t afford to be linked with an infected farm’, thanks a lot, Dave”

Tom does the only reasonable thing. He blames Pat and Tony who he reckons are working against him and Helen, than working with them.

[Tom] “They’re pathetic, like a pair of rabbits in headlights. If they can’t handle it, they need to just get out of the way”

Tom is still angry about Pat not agreeing to do the Borchester Life article. I think he was right that every wee bit counts – but it was only a wee thing that wouldn’t have solved all of their problems. Tom seems to see it as indicative of the way Pat and Tony have dealt with the E. coli outbreak.

[Tom] “Why I ever brought my business back here I’ll ever now. I’d have been better off With Brian … what he wouldn’t be doing is sitting in that kitchen crying about”

So off Tom marches to tell Pat and Tony what’s what.

His timing is off. Tony is knackered after being up late calving. The last thing he needs is a Tom tantrum. But unfortunately, that’s what he gets.

[Tom] “I’ve decided to redesign my packaging, I’m going to take the words Bridge Farm off my label, and I’m going to go back to the Tom Archers brand as soon as soon as I can

“ … I am not prepared to see my business go belly up because of the mess you’ve made of the dairy enterprise .. you should have got a proper grip”

[Tony] “Well, thanks Tom, nothing like having your own son walk out on you at the first sign of trouble … This is about you and your interests, the world loyalty doesn’t even enter your head …”

[Tom] “Not if it doesn’t show up on the bottom line, no”

(what a wee bastard!)

Tony is understandably upset. He tries to tell Tom that all he (Tony) has ever done if work so that Tom and Helen can have the farm.

[Tom] “This ships going down … so it’s got to make sense to save whatever we can”

Oh my!

This is Tom at his very worst.

Disown the little ungrateful sod. Make him try and find a job in Birmingham!

But still keep his pigs.

It’s not their fault.

Freddie to start hunting

Elizabeth asks Shula to take Freddie to the Autumn hunts.

Seems he does really enjoy it – like father like son.

Elizabeth admitted herself that she was being a bit strange – but she mentioned that she thought Freddie looked so like Nigel when he was dressed up in his riding gear.

It’s not been long enough for Elizabeth to have a perspective.

But poor Freddie.

He’s not the brightest spark round. He doesn’t also need to dad’s legacy to try and live up to.

Happier times for Pat and Tony

Tony is tending to his newly born calf, and its mum.

[Tony] “At least I’m good at something”

[Pat] “Do you remember that Christmas night we spent out here … Mabel with the one horn …”

[Tony] “Good days … what’s to all been for, pat? My son seems to see us as the enemy … as far as he’s concerned, we’re superfluous. He wants us out of his way … when I think what we’ve done for that lad, both of them …”

Pat reckons Tom is just lashing out – but Tony can’t believe the sheer ungratefulness of his son.

Despite Pat reminding Tony how the family spirit was alive and well when they all lifted carrots the other day (!), all Tony can think about is how he and Pat took on the mortgage – put their lives back on hold – for Helen and Tom. He and Pat could have been retired by now.

[Tony] “We’re kidding ourselves. It’s over, And if someone asked me what the last 30 years have been for, I’m not sure I’d have an answer”

Did Shula really say she had a gloryhole?

I think so.

Do we think she even has a clue what that is common parlance for these days?

Helen talks sense, Pat just shouts

Tom’s back outside still ranting about how everything is Pat and Tony’s fault.

Helen’s calm, and rather sane.

[Helen] “you can't just blame mum and dad, it all happened so quickly … I think you underestimate the shock of this .. .it’s worse for them, this is their life’s work Tom, you and I have got time to build up a new business, hopefully”

[Tom] “In that case they should have taken better care of it!”

After having tried to comfort Tony, Pat heads over. And she’s taking no prisoners.

[Pat to Tom] “I’d rather you’d not talk to your father like that /… I am not interested in your point, I have just left him, he’s in bits over this”

(Tom tries to interrupt Pat, but Helen tells him to shut up)

[Pat] “I’d just like to remind you that your father has spent his entire life building up this business, and all he ever wanted was to pass it onto you as a going concern … now thanks to you, he thinks he’s a failure … I think you owe him a little more respect … I’m not going to have you speaking like that to him again Pat!”

Aye, quite right Pat.

Tom needs to be spoken to like that on a more regular basis.

The Archers Sunday 11th September 2011: Debbie has a Super plan

  • Debbie returns – yay!
  • Does Jennifer think everyone who shops in Lidl has rickets?
  • Poor Jack has lost his grip
  • Peggy has faith in Tom and Helen
  • Peggy forgets about church, shock!
  • Brian is something beginning with A
  • Super Dairy in Ambridge?
  • Peggy isn’t hearing Tony

Debbie returns – yay!

I think Debbie got all of the nice genes Jennifer had left, before she went on to have Kate.

(or it’s just Brian’s involvement that explains the vileness that is Kate).

First thing we hear from Debbie is that she want to go and see Jack.

What a nice thoughtful lass she is.

Does Jennifer think everyone who shops in Lidl has rickets?

Alice and Chris are saving £1,000 a month

Blimey. What on earth was in their shopping basket before they were saving?

Brian and Debbie are impressed, but Jennifer isn’t having it.

[Jennifer] “Not if it means compromising their health”

[Debbie] “She seems a lot happier to me, Alice, certainly since she first got back from Southampton … the two of them working as a team, with a definite goal”

Poor Jack has lost his grip

Although Jack is now up and walking, he now can’t find himself as he hasn’t got the grip.

That might get better with time and therapy, but it’s distressing for both Jack and Peggy.

Peggy is still worried about whether the Laurels will take Jack back. Seems one of their Nursing Supervisors has to make an assessment of Jack.

Peggy has faith in Tom and Helen 

Peggy reckons Tony is looking a bit peaky, which he isn’t offended about as he hasn’t been sleeping.

He’s also sounding none too positive about Bridge Farm.

[Peggy] “You’ve got one marvellous asset, you and Pat, those two youngsters of yours. I’ve got a lot of belief in those two. They’ve got their heads screwed on. They’ll find a way out of this, you’ll see”

Peggy forgets about church, shock!

Jennifer turns up to take Peggy to St Stephen’s, but Peggy has forgotten.

It is actually a shock.

Peggy really is most terribly worried about Jack.

Brian is something beginning with A

Brian reckons it is ‘Alpha’. A few of use might choose a completely different word …

[Brian, talking to Debbie about the Mart] “I wouldn’t say I was a particularly power hungry individual, well no more than the average alpha male … but there were times when this was going on when I would have cheerfully declared martial law”

[Debbie] “I’ve got to hand it to you, at an age when most men wouldn’t be thinking beyond the golf course …”

Super Dairy in Ambridge?

Maybe so, if Debbie gets her way.

She was harping onto Brian about something to do with “generic merit and meat blood lines”

Seems she’s thinking of a large scale dairy enterprise – but not in Hungry, “closer to home”.

Seems she reckons she can solve Brian’s weakness, or his:

[Brian] “exposure to volatile commodity”

(hmmm … is that what he calls it these days?)

Debbie’s great plan is:

[Debbie] “Dairy farming, but not the way David and Ruth do it, I’m talking big scale 2 1st century fairy where you control your costs and maximise your output”

[Brian] “A super diary?”

[Debbie] “If that’s you want to call it that …”

Seems a super dairy is a way of not having to rely on world prices.

You get 1,000 cows in a “light and airy shed”. On sand. With vets and experts on to look after them 24/7.

Their slurry goes to an AD unit which sells to the grid. The Digestate goes back to the land, to grown more stuff. It’s sustainable. The cows are feed entirely from everything grown on their own land.

Or the alternative for Brian?

[Debbie] “Maybe you like marketing your crops like betting in a roulette wheel?”

Well, if Debbie puts it that way – stand back for the Super Diary Vs Lynda bun fight.

Or, will Debbie and Brian listen to Tony?

[Tony] “Our whole dairy business has gone belly up …

“The power of all this, it’s frightening, go on the internet and their pages upon of pages about out poisonous products …

“ … what I wouldn’t give in your position Brian, put it all to arable, we could have the whole lot done by contractor s and Pat and I could get our lives back again

“ … why anyone in their right mind would want to get into dairy farming is beyond me”

Will they listen?

Heck no!

Peggy isn’t hearing Tony

Tony starts to tell Peggy about his and Pat’s cashflow problem, but she can only think of Jack.

Looks like the bank of Peggy isn’t necessarily closed. It’s just popped out for a bit to something more important.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

The Archers Friday 9th September 2011: Peggy is being pessimistic … or “realistic?”

  • Jill is thankful
  • Ruth doesn’t know the head from the tail
  • Phoebe gone, Debbie on her way
  • Lily is a jolly hockey, Freddie got lost and Ruairi’s on email
  • Laser Fray?
  • Peggy is a tad maudlin

Jill is thankful 

Jennifer’s telling Jill about Jack being in hospital.

She reckons Peggy is “being brave but is worried”, and Jack is “very alarmed and difficult”

[Jill] “I’ve always felt how blessed Phil was, keeping his health until the very end”

Indeed. I’d be very glad indeed to have as dignified and quiet end as our Phil did.

Ruth doesn’t know the head from the tail

Well, she does. She’s just winding Pip up.

Pip’s actually stopped talking about marketing strategies and social networking (hurrah!), but is now onto more practical advice.

Someone called Chad seemed to have sold her on the idea of new farming methods (he was a salesman at the New Smithsfield), so she’s not telling Ruth what’s what.

Chad’s suggestion of “intensive, mainly indoors” cows doesn’t suit Brookfield at all, but Pip reckons they should get a nutritionist for the cows.

Ruth reckons they do just fine, without the Cow equivalent of Gillian Mckeith

[Ruth] “Before you go Pip, can you remind me, which is the calf’s head and which is the tail?”

As much as Pip seems to be irritating Ruth, Ruth is glad that Pip has enthusiasm. Seems David was exactly the same way with Phil.

Phoebe gone, Debbie on her way

[Jennifer] “Brian’s right, you know. As soon as one’s gone, one comes back”

Seems Phoebe got to South Africa just fine, and Debbie’s coming back for 10 whole days.

Looks like Jennifer isn’t going to have time to twiddle her thumbs after all.

Lily is a jolly hockey, Freddie got lost and Ruairi’s on email

So all the wee Archer kids have been packed off to their respective private schools.

I think it’s very odd that a wee 9 year old has an email address to contact his parents. Why aren’t they allowed mobiles? Surely that would help Ruairi get over any homesickness – that he can call his folks at any time.

But, sounds like he has settled in. Jennifer also seems calmer.

Freddie and Lily are, according to Elizabeth, also getting ion grand at the Cathedral school

Lily has joined the drama and art club, and is going for the hockey trials.

[Elizabeth] “I just think she likes the idea of running round biffing people with a stick”

And Freddie?

[Elizabeth] “He’s fine, doing things in his own sweet way as usual”

He hasn’t joined any clubs yet – Elizabeth reckons he’s exploring first.

Seems he has a new mate, Lochlan, who also enjoys exploring. They both got lost the other day in the school grounds when trying to keep up with a goldfinch (!). But Daniel found them, so all was well.

[Elizabeth] “Freddie though it was a terrific hoot. He really is his father’s son”

Freddie’s more interested in the Pony Clun than his school. But he and Lily don’t get much time to really escape – they get home, have a wee break, have their tea, then back onto their homework. Not much of a carefree life for a 12 year old, is it?

Laser Fray?

Jill wasn’t too sure what that was – I’m also not too sure myself.

Is it just a laser quest type thing?

Either way – all the kids are going out next Tuesday to it, for Josh’s birthday.

Again – Freddie and Lily don’t get much of a break. They have to be home by 8pm as it’s a school night.

Peggy is a tad maudlin

Actually – maybe maudlin isn’t the right word. She just seems to be accepting that Jack’s stroke could be the start of the end.

Jennifer thinks it is “encouraging” that he ‘only’ had a mild stroke.

[Peggy] “Hardly encouraging, dear … it’s affected his face and hand. All of his left side …

"This has all been so frightening for him …The plain fact is. He’s not a well man … he’s started on a journey which, no matter how long it takes, can only have one destination”"

[Jennifer] “It’s the same for all of us, isn’t it mum?”

[Peggy] “Yes … above all, I want the last part of jack’s life to be peaceful and happy … suppose after this the Laurel’s doesn’t feel able to look after him? … and if they won’t take him after he’s discharged, what on earth is going to happen to him?”

Back at home, with Elona working for Peggy full time (if Peggy can persuade her to stay)?

Poor Jack, and poor Peggy.

As I said above, if only we could all go quickly and quietly, like Phil.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

The Archers Thursday 8th September 2011: Jack has a stroke

  • “you look like you’ve been blown up with a bicycle pump”
  • Jack’s really angry
  • Roy isn’t coping

“you look like you’ve been blown up with a bicycle pump”

JLS makes Phoebe feel at home.

I suppose she’s just that sort of age – where having a poster of one’s favourite pop band is so very, very important.

Phoebe seems to still be trying to take everything she owns with her to South Africa.

[Hayley] “It will be here when you get home, everything will be the same … but what’s wrong with you, you look like you’ve been blown up with a bicycle pump”

Seems Phoebe is trying to get round the baggage allowance by wearing multiple t-shirts, and such. All the clothes she sees as special, especially the ones she’s been given by her nearest and dearest.

[Phoebe] “It doesn’t matter, I just look a bit fat”

Very admirable that a young lass isn’t worried about looking plump – but Hayley isn’t having it. She reckons Phoebe will pass out from overheating.

Roy starts shouting up for them to get a move on. Phoebe has a plane to catch.

[Hayley] “Just a slight wardrobe malfunction to sort out …”

Jack’s really angry

Tony gets to Peggy’s, to ask her for a loan, but finds her very upset.

She comes on the phone and asks Tony to take her to the hospital straight away.

Seems the care home found Jack slumped in his chair, and he was too drowsy and weak to be roused.

Tony later tells Pat, from the hospital, that it is probably a stroke:

[Tony] “When you see his face, it’s like when mum had hers, his face is fallen on one side”

Which is bad enough – but it’s also hard to tell if Jack is in pain. He can’t talk properly, and his reactions and communication is obviously affected by his Alzheimers.

[Tony] “I think he’s angry, being prodded and poked at … he hasn’t any real idea what’s happening”

[Peggy] “He’s so unhappy. He kept trying to push my hand away … when this happened to me, it was such a horrible experience, a complete bolt out of the blue, being out of control, the awful feeling in your head … and at least I had some idea of what was going on, but poor Jack …”

When Tony gets home (Peggy’s also at home, with Lilian probably staying over), he doesn’t want his dinner.

Not even a cuppa.

Pat seems to start to ask whether he asked Peggy about the loan … her mind really can’t cope with anything else at the moment.

[Tony] “There was no way I could ask about a loan … we’ll just have to battle on, manage on our own somehow, only goodness knows how we’ll do it”

Oh dear.

Disaster all round.

Roy isn’t coping

When they finally get Phoebe to the airport, there’s lots of loving and hugs.

Phoebe is told to text them as soon as she arrives (that’ll cost a fortune, by the way), and to SKYPE that evening (the mention of SKYPE proves that The Archers are Real … the BBC wouldn’t script a mention of a brand …).

[Hayley] “Look at her … I swear she still has extra leggings on … I only hope she doesn’t have to go to the loo in a hurry …”

Hayley’s interrupted by huge sobs from Roy, as he watches Phoebe leaved them.

[Roy] “Our little girl … I never thought … it’d be so hard to let go”

Poor Roy.

He’ll miss Phoebe.

I only hope that when she returns, she isn’t a mini-Kate …

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

The Archers Wednesday 7th September 2011: Pat won’t stand for it anymore!

  • David takes the Michael out of Spencer
  • Susan has been bending all morning …
  • Wishful thinking
  • Wales has rain
  • Peggy to save Bridge Farm?
  • Pat finally lets it out

David takes the Michael out of Spencer

David, Ruth, Pip and Spencer are at the New Smithsfield.

Spencer seems particularly hyper.

[David] “Typical arable boy, runs wild when you let him out of a tractor cab!”

Spender is getting particularly hot under the collar about an automated milking machine:

[Spencer] “Seriously cool .. the cows walks in, it’s scanned, teats rinsed, teacups on .. all robotically”

Pip pours cold water on Spencer’s fantasising – the machine is a whopping £300,000.

Spencer then gates “fascinated” by the yard scrapers.

[David] “Inside every barley baron is a cowman trying to get out … or a proper farmer, as I like to call them”


Susan has been bending all morning …

Picking carrots.

[Neil] “Oh yes, there’s allot of that in carrot picking”

Very helpful Neil. Indeed.

Susan has the last laugh, though.

When Neil later comes in to check if his tea is ready (cheeky), Susan has done nothing. She’s been on her feet all day.

(hand on – doesn’t potting up yoghurt normally happen in a standing position?)

[Susan] “Tea is going to be ready whenever you're going to take me down The Bull and order it”

Wishful thinking

Susan wants her grandkids growing up in Ambridge, unlike Jennifer and Brian sending Ruairi to boarding school, and Hayley and Roy letting Phoebe going to South Africa for a year.

She doesn’t mean Emma’s rather random brood – she already has plans for Chris.

[Neil] “Alice and Christopher haven't got any children yet … so don’t start setting the poor little nipper’s entrance exams!”

Wales has rain

No sh*t Sherlock!

David amazes us once again with his powers of observation.

He’s seen a new farming system, at the New Smithsfield, where the cows are out all of the time.

Seems that can only work in Wales.

Where it rains.

Pat finally lets it out

Pat is bagging up carrots. In Bridge Farm bags.

Tony tries to tell her that there’s no point in that. The carrots won’t sell if they can be spotted as Bridge Farm produce.

Pat is furious.

[Pat] “How are we ever going to get our market back skulking around?”

[Tony] “Look, we have to be realistic, these just won’t sell without our name on it”

[Pat] “No! No they won’t! Not if you’re going to be so utterly defeatist.

“I won’t give up. I will not.

“I won’t be ashamed of Bridge Farm … taking our name off everything, pretending we don’t exist, I can’t stand much more if it!

“ … and now Bridge’s Farm is like a dirty secret … we have to pretend like we're someone else”

Pat’s rant ends in tears.

[Tony] “It’s alright. Get your cry out, love”


This really isn’t fair.

Peggy to save Bridge Farm?

Pat’s calmed down a bit.

She now feels “ashamed” that she’s had to make Susan lift carrots.

And she’s starting to ponder whether she should listen to Tom about Borchester Life.

But, then she’s off again …

[Pat] “One of things that gave me strength, after John, we had to keep going for Tom and Helen … and the farm was part of that … part if the life we were making for our children that we hoped to pass on …

“ …we can’t hide from it Tony, We can’t go on like this for much longer .. .we do need to stick our heads above the parapets … we need to get back in the marketplace, at a proper price … looking at the figures, we really don’t have very long before we go out of business”

[Tony] “I’ll go and ask mum, agreed?”

Neither Tony nor Pat like to have to ask Peggy for help, but needs most definitely must.

[Tony] “I’ll go round with a begging bowl then”