- Brenda admits defeat … then has an idea!
- Poor Brian only had an assault course
- Jazzer is only trying to protect Harry …
- Debbie’s coming home
- Will Jennifer ruin Ruairi for life?
Brenda admits defeat … then has an idea!
Lord preserve us!
Just before Tom heads out to work, Brenda wants them to check the search engine rankings again.
[Tom] “Good idea Bren, let’s see what effect we’re having”
(can’t you just picture Tom and Brenda spending every evening clicking away on their website – bless. Such hedonism on ones so young)
They put ‘Bridge Farm Ambridge’ in (to what I imagine is Google), and hurrah! The Farm’s website comes up first.
But … boooo! The Echo comes second and third, with its hysterical reporting on E. Coli. Then the Courier.
But yay! The Bridge Farm website pops back – with its ‘A Day in the Life of a Dairy Cow’ article.
(aye – that’ll solve everything!)
But booo! Then it’s Borchester Radio.
And the Wetlands article is only on the second page.
[Brenda] “Maybe it’s time we handed it over to the professionals”
Blimey. Brenda has seen sense at last (and can maybe get back to making coffee and flyers).
Problem is that experts are expensive – about £300-£500 a month AND they’d need to commit to them long term of they really want to have an impact. Tom reckons Pat and Tony will never go for that.
(even though that seems like a fine enough price to me. Though cash flow wouldn’t cope with that right now, I suspect)
Brenda then calls Tom later on with yet another bright idea.
This time, she wants to get a feature for Bridge Farm in Borchester Life – which sound s like one of those quality, glossy regional magazines.
Tom is again unconvinced, as it could take months for the feature to appear.
[Tom] “It’s a nice idea Bren, but it’ll take too long to do any good and we haven’t got time”
But it’s fine. Brenda knows someone called Ros, who can speed things up.
Poor Brian only had an assault course
Ruairi has a climbing wall, adventure playground, canoeing, archery, clay pigeon shooting …
Brian and Jennifer are having a last look at Ruairi’s school grounds before they head off, after dropping him off.
[Jennifer] “He will be alright, won’t be Brian?”
[Brian] “He’ll love it … the way he went off …”
[Jennifer] “You know he looked so, uncertain, when he left us … Ruairi’s very good at keeping up a front”
Brian still reckons he’ll be fine, even though there were also tears this morning.
It’s a difficult one. On the one hand, Ruairi does seem like a confident wee kid who’ll enjoy boarding schools.
But, on the other, Brian seems to be assuming Ruairi is a carbon copy of himself – and he loved boarding school
[Brian] “It was worth it for all the sticky pudding if nothing else, and it gave me the best possible start in life”
Hmmm. I’d disagree that it’s guaranteed to do that, but Brian’s not for listening.
Jazzer is only trying to protect Harry …
Anyone believe that?
[Jazzer] “It was helping you or a cosy afternoon at the flat … Harry and Zofia staring at each other like love sick chimps, it’s mair fun setting fire to your eyebrows … I’ve noting against Harry, alright he comes across a bit of a Jessie first off … once you get to know him, get a few beers in him, he’s no such a bad lad …”
But after having said all that, Jazzer then goes onto say that he’s actually only thinking of Harry.
Jazzer reckons Harry isn’t “clued up about women”, and that Zofia is taking advantage.
He reckons Zofia is now talking about staying on after the picking, to be part of the clean-up team, so will suddenly be suggesting she moves in.
[Jazzer] “There’s nae room for three on a tandem, and it’ll be me sent sailing over the handle bars”
Poor Jazzer.
He really did enjoy life as one half of the Odd Couple, didn’t he?
Debbie’s coming home
Jennifer was wondering what she’ll do with herself, with no-one home apart from herself and Brian.
But seems Debbie is on her way back over for the weekend – marvellous!
With Alice’s birthday also coming up, and Ruairi due for a home visit at the end of the month, Brian reckons
Jennifer should enjoy the peace while she has it.
Will Jennifer ruin Ruairi for life?
Ruairi called. Brian reckons he sounded fine. But Jennifer reckons he “let his guard down” with her, and told her he was homesick.
Worse still – seems all the other boys have brought their cuddly toys with them! Ruairi left his behind.
[Jennifer] “Now he feels completely bereft without mousey”
So, Jennifer is about to jump in the car with mousey (Jennifer’s going to drive, of course), to take him to Ruairi that evening.
Brian is horrified!
[Brian] “Jennifer, if his mother comes racing back the first night with a cuddly toy … “
Though Jennifer reckons she’ll be “perfectly discreet”, Brian’s of the opinion that Jennifer will utterly show Ruairi up, and will earn him nicknames that will last for the rest of his life.
Oh dear.
4 comments:
How old is ruairi? I went to boarding school but not until secondary school. I loved it. But there were boarders who were younger and I always thought that pre-secondary scool was too young.
Ruairi is 9 or so. Still a teeny wee man ... You;re right. Boarding school can be grand, but wee men need their teddies ;)
Love the bit in parenthesis at the top!
Cheers ;)
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