Thursday, 30 September 2010

The Archers Thurs 30th Sept 2010: The Bird Hide marauders are discovered

The Archers: Alice goes back to University … it’s Kate’s birthday … Matt and Brian talk business … Patrick wants to call the cops

  • My word – Kate’s becoming Jennifer
  • “Do be quiet you noisy beast”
  • Kate being an utter brat … so soon!
  • Patrick’s name is mud
  • Patrick and Kirsty?
  • Helen’s blooming
  • Is Matt not getting out enough?
  • The blinking contest continues
  • How can you not deliberately carve something into wood?

My word – Kate’s becoming Jennifer!

They (whoever ‘they' are) say that all women become their mothers.

And so it has come to pass with Kate.

Well, not entirely – but they do agree that Chris and Alice’s marriage won’t last.

Who needs enemies when you can have a sister like Kate! It’d be one thing for Kate to say what she thinks to Alice, but she’s being snide behind her back. With their mum (no less!).

[Kate] “She could have at least hung onto her own name … she’ll only have to change back”

[Kate] “Vegas marriages never do [last]”

Jennifer’s delighted that someone else agrees with her, though she only said that when both Alice and Brian were out of earshot.

[Jennifer] “I just feel that ...”

[Kate] “she could have done better …”

[Jennifer] “.. obviously, and ...”

[Kate] “she’s far too young to be tied down ...

[Jennifer] “…yes”

[Kate] “she'll realise her mistake soon enough”

Just goes to show, you can take the posh bird out of the castle, but you can’t make her swill down with the rest of them.

Poor Chris. He’s a nice sort. I do worry about him, now that Alice isn’t there to defend him – but Jennifer has found an ally in Kate.

“Do be quiet you noisy beast”

Did anyone else catch Kate saying that?

What was it to?

It might have been a cow, or a pig, or an overgrown rabbit (for all I know!).

Kate being an utter brat … so soon

Well that really didn’t take her anytime at all.

As well as nicely stitching up her sister to take sides with Jennifer about her marriage, Kate seems to think the world has to stop because it’s her birthday.

(mind that song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – the Gene Wilder original – “I want the world … I want the whole world … do care how, I want it now!)

In Kate’s bubble, missing a day at College (after she’s only been there a few days), and pulling Phoebe out of school is absolutely justified because it’s her birthday. And she wants to spend it shopping with her daughter.

Hayley was right to be so angry about Kate’s return. She’s barely got over her jet lag, and she’s already using the ‘but I’m her mother’ excuse.

At least Kate did buy sensible clothes for Phoebe when they were out shopping (“woolly tights and a warm jacket”).

But then she tries to mess with Ruairi’s routine. Which Jennifer doesn’t like at all, beginning to launch into a ‘the world doesn’t revolve around you’ routine.

But Kate is saved in time by the call of a vuvuzela.

The cunning lass knew those would come in handy.

Ah well. I’m sure there’s more (and more and more) of this to come.

Patrick’s name is mud

Ah bless. He’s not even a fully fledged resident, yet he’s seemingly being blamed for the Peregrine controversy (which wasn’t really a controversy until a few days ago).

Jill and Susan are now also unhappy about the peregrines being encouraged to roost on the church tower. Seemingly that’s not what churches are far (oh! I thought it was was ‘ALL things bright and beautiful, ALL creatures great and small …’), and folks are also worried about bits of prey falling on their heads.

Feelings are running high. Which is never a pretty sight in Ambridge .

Patrick and Kirsty?

What’s the problem with all these new chaps? They don’t seem to notice that the nice single young ladies of Ambridge are actually available.

First there’s Harry and Fallon (Fallon now seems to be making eyes at him, but he’s shown no interest … apart from a possibly interest in Nic).

Now there’s Patrick and Kirsty.

They have been mates for quite a while now, and Patrick claims to live by:

“you should never resist temptation - you'll miss out on all the fun!”

Hmmm. Maybe Kirsty just isn’t his idea of ‘fun’.

Either way, he’s keen for Kirsty to owl watch with him. Which is nice.

Helen’s blooming

So says Kirsty.

Helen’s 20 week scan is all fine, though she doesn’t want to know the baby’s sex.

Which I joined Jennifer in being surprised about.

Is this really our Helen?

Helen. Wants to keep it a surprise. Without any control???

Ah well. As long as Helen continues to bloom, we might be soon introduced to a permanent Happy Helen!

Is Matt not getting out enough?

It seems to me that Matt’s turning into an elderly gentleman.

The other day he said:

“you can beat a nice bit of Stilton”


“you can't beat a decent Bordeaux”

I’m not saying Matt hasn’t got good taste, but he’ll be wanting a ‘nice slice of pork luncheon’ next.

The blinking contest continues

Brian and Matt meet to discuss Brian’s proposal (from Adam’s idea) of setting up a new company for Lilian to be on the board of (rather than BL).

After Matt’s run-in with Martin the other day, he is getting worried that BL will pull the whole project if he doesn’t at least play nicely.

[Matt] “someone has to compromise … so here I am”

(I also have to admit that I shut most of my brain off when business is discussed in details by any of the Ambridge residents. I want cows and bees!).

The short of it is that Amside would get a 20% share in this new company, and Lilian would be on the board.

Matt’s happy enough with that BUT he’s now doubled the asking price for the land.

[Brian] “I reckon you're pushing your luck!”

Well, that’s seemingly Matt’s final word on the matter. Double the money, or quits.

Nice to have him back properly.

How can you not deliberately carve something into wood?

As Patrick and Kirsty come close to the bird hide (for their spot of owl watching), they catch Jamie and his gang in full ‘party’ mode.

Which involved lighting a fire inside the bird hide (albeit in a biscuit tin), stubbing their cigarettes out on the bench, and graffiti:

“deliberately carved into the wood”

Hmmm. How can a carving be anything other than deliberate?

Anyway – Patrick chased them off, was rightly livid and was about to call the Police.

But, Kirsty spotted Jamie and wants to talk to Kathy before they do anything else.

“he's not some kind of delinquent … just a really unhappy kid”

Which is an interesting take on delinquency. Jamie is a delinquent through his actions, but aren’t all delinquents just kids trying to get attention (or am I going soft in my old age?!?).

Either way, I’d have preferred it if Patrick had called the Police. Although Kathy would have shouted, and Jamie would have shouted back, there’s hope that the shock of being arrested might wake him up put of his ‘whatever’ stupor.

By doing it Kirsty’s way, we’re [probably in for weeks of shouting. And I’d imagine Kenton will get involved. Which means three way shouting.

That’s something to look forward to.

The Archers Wed 29th September 2010: Nigel's anniversary surprise

The Archers: Kenton tries to fool Elizabeth ... Pip's planning for the Barn Dance ... Nigel is such a sweetheart!

  • The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Kenton ...
  • “who the hell are you?”
  • The Harvester is on its way!
  • Why the keen interest in driving lessons?
  • Josh will have to be locked up
  • Ruth signs cards for David
  • Jamie’s picking on his nearest and dearest

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Kenton ...

... this time nearly went aft agley.

It never really struck me anyway that Kenton had devised a good scheme for getting Elizabeth out of the way so that Nigel could setup her anniversary surprise … but I do have to give him credit for trying.

Especially as he blames Elizabeth for telling Kathy about his shenanigans with Holly.

Kenton being part of Nigel’s master plan did:

"just seems a bit perverse"

(which was Elizabeth’s reaction to having to meet a client interested in hiring Lower Loxley anywhere other than Lower Loxley)

Kenton's plan of setting up a meeting with a potential lucrative client for Elizabeth didn't make sense from the off.

That a client would want to meet at a place other than Lower Loxley was decidedly odd. That Kenton also chose his mate Barry to play the client also seemed to be a critical mistake (as Kirsty had said it would be).

As Kenton's plan progressed (or actually began to fray and unravel), Kenton’s only saving grace was Elizabeth being incredibly slow to realise that all was not necessarily legitimate.

[Kenton on how this new client made his fortune] "selling ... stuff"

[Kenton trying to rescue Barry from giving Elizabeth an idea of how many delegates he’d have at his conference] “Barry can’t talk numbers”

[Kenton] “Duncan Bannatyne told Barry not to hide his light under a bushel”

[Barry] “I better ... um ... grasp the nettle”


Not even able to get their story straight about how they’d even met, Kenton and Barry stumble their way through the charade.

Just as Elizabeth is about to slap one of them for being such obvious idiots, Nigel calls Kenton to ask that he keeps Elizabeth busy for at least another hour.

[Nigel] “I got the measurements a bit wrong [for] the platform for the harpist”

(oh I do love you Nigel!)

[Kenton] “I’ve only given Barry material for another hour! And he’s hopeless!”

So Barry got drunk, Elizabeth was starting to smell a rat … and then Kenton had to drive home (very very slowly) with an increasingly irate Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth] “I think it’s revenge for telling Kathy about your nocturnal adventures”

Which meant all led up to:

“who the hell are you?”

Poor chap. He was only trying to be a butler!

Kenton had managed to wind Elizabeth up to the point that she initially spat abuse to the strange chap who opened her front door to let her in.

All the poor man said was:

“Good evening madam”

Nigel had to explain that he was “Fielding the Butler”. Then Elizabeth realised why Kenton had been even more of a pillock than usual, and also why she could hear harpist music in the background (Nigel seemingly sorted the platform out!).

[Elizabeth] “Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”

I’ll repeat that:

[Elizabeth] “Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”

Elizabeth. Asking for forgiveness for breaking Nigel’s’ confidence about Kenton and Holly.

Elizabeth. Realising she was wrong, while at the same time realising that Nigel is a gent and a saint for still pressing on with such a special surprise when she wasn’t exactly be best wife material.

[Nigel] “You know I can’t stay mad at you for more than 5 minutes … I love you far too much for that”


We could all do with a Nigel in our lives.

The Harvester is on its way!

Huzzah and Hooray!

David also seems to have had a good harvest.


Why the keen interest in driving lessons?

David seems to be abnormally interested and keen that Pip does her driving lessons.

I know full well that young 'uns living in rural areas are desperate to get driving, but I haven’t ever heard of a parent so keen to get his child onto the road.

Where’s this all going?

Josh will have to be locked up

Pip’s plan for the Young Farmer’s Barn Dance seem to be going well.

She even managed to persuade Tom to do the catering, and make a donation (much to David’s surprise).

Pip’s only problem so far is Josh.

He’s been plotting with his mates to try and gatecrash the Dance, so Pip wants him under lock and key to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Seriously Pip. There are worse folk who could be gate crashing – maybe it’d be an idea to invite Josh to avoid any confrontations.

We’ve all heard what can happen when a party ends up as a ‘free for all’ invite on Facebook …

Ruth signs cards for David

David has heard about Kenton and Kathy splitting up, so calls Lower Loxley to speak to Elizabeth.

Nigel answers (Elizabeth is meeting ‘Barry’), and explains he’s a bit busy as it’s their anniversary.

David says he didn’t realise, which Nigel replies with:

“You sent us a card”

Which means Ruth doesn’t even make David sit down and sign his own name to a card for his own sister’s anniversary.

Come on David! I thought family meant more to you than that.

David also confirmed that Kathy and Jamie wouldn’t be going to Jill’s 80th.

Phew, but won’t that ruin Elizabeth’s seating plans?!?

Jamie’s picking on his nearest and dearest

Having already picked on Daniel for not being ‘one of the gang’ at their highly exciting and rebellious (!) time at the Bird Hide, Jamie’s now picking on Josh.

Jamie seemingly made fun of Josh in front of his makes.

And as we all know, school ground etiquette dictates that one should, not take the rip out of one’s friends in public.

It’s just not cricket.

It doesn’t bode well for Jamie calming down anytime soon (as naught as Josh can be, he really isn’t a stereotypical hoodie – he’s more of a Tom Brown’s Schooldays lad).

Josh would at least hold Jamie back from doing something completely idiotic. Now, who’s there to stop him?

The Archers Tues 28th Sept 2010: We Love The Bull gets the punters in

The Archers: The t-shirts have arrived ... Jazzer's homeless ... Matt might be snookered

  • But why is Jolene wearing a We Love The Bull t-shirt?
  • Is Bicycle racing a suitable subject for a quiz?
  • Wonder where Jazzer really wants to bed down ...
  • "You can't beat a nice bit of Stilton"
  • The Odd Couple?
  • Matt wants Lilian on the top table
  • Martin Gibson sounds like a right ...
  • Do we think Jazzer is 'extra large'?
  • Harry's only ever on the diet lemonades

But why is Jolene wearing a We Love The Bull t-shirt?

Harry's t-shirts have arrived. Seemingly they're bold enough to be seen from the other side of the green.

But why is Jolene wearing them?

I thought the whole point of We Love The Bull was to show Jolene how much the village needed and appreciated her, as well as basically blackmailing her into not giving up their pub.

So isn't it 'job done' if even Jolene is taking part? In showing herself?

Or, does she need to be supported and nurtured even further?

That I'd buy - but there's also something a bit shifty about Fallon and Jolene now selling the t-shirts over the bar.

Fair enough that they cover their costs, but something doesn’t sit quite right for me.

Is the whole We Love The Bull campaign destined to be used by The Bull as a cheap marketing campaign?

Have we been hoodwinked?


Whatever everyone's motives, we can support The Bull as a cherished part of our Ambridge daily (except Saturday) pilgrimage.

And if the campaign is getting more folks into The Bull on a Tuesday afternoon, thrice hurrah!

Show your support:

Save The Bull! 

Join Us:



@welovethebull (517 followers and counting)
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We Love The Bull :

(where no money shall ever change hands!).

Is Bicycle racing a suitable subject for a quiz?

I must say, I don't share Jolene's concerns on that front.

But she is right to worry that Jim will make the pub quiz a tad "high brow".

Maybe this will be Jim’s chance to get back at Joe for the Food and Produce Show.

Wonder where Jazzer really wants to bed down ...

Jazzer finds himself of no fixed abode when he mum sticks up for his brother Stu (who Jazzer reckons is a "thief and a liar" after going through his pockets to steal nearly £200).

He's walked out of his family flat, and moved temporarily with "Tanya with the pink hair". That has to be a temporary arrangement as her husband's seemingly back from Dubai next week ...

So - quelle surprise - Jazzer asks to stay at The Bull.

Fallon doesn't at all keen when he asks her.

Admitting why to Jolene:

"He's a good mate and everything, but I think he still fancies me"

Feeling bad about letting Jazzer not stay, but not wanting to risk any inevitable 'misunderstandings', Fallon does what every young woman does in her shoes.

She gets her mum to sort it.

Jolene tells Jazzer that she isn't ready to have anyone staying.

I can't help feeling that Fallon is being an utterly rubbish friend. I understand her discomfort, but wouldn’t a real mate be honest?

Either way, I'm glad Jazzer's devotion for Fallon is being brought up again. I'd almost forgotten about that.

And maybe - just maybe - Jazzer has as well.

The Odd Couple?

Jazzer doesn't seem to be remotely interested in Harry's offer of a spot in his flat.

However, Harry's offer of a room (that's seemingly not bigger than a cupboard) might become Jazzer's only option.

Goodness me. If The Archers was actually fictional (pah!), I could have seen a spin-off series right there.

"You can't beat a nice bit of Stilton"

It's the small moments that we should cherish.

Especially when they remind us that folks like Matt like cheese just as much as your next chap does.

Matt wants Lilian on the top table

So after the normality of having a nice spot of cheese, we're back to Matt's wheeling and dealing.

Matt reckons Adam was just being used as Brian's "go-between".

And that the idea of Lilian being on the board of a completely separate company (from BL) is just a ploy - a trick to sideline Matt and Lilian, in fact:

"A sop ... a consolation prize"

Matt seems intent of having his staring contest with Brian, banking (quite literally) on Brian and BL having to crawl to him.

Martin Gibson sounds like a right ...

... nasty wee slim of a man.

Matt stood his own against Martin's onslaughts (Martin's a BL board member, and has been quite vocal about not giving into Matt's demands).

But what a nasty piece of work Martin was. He made Matt's cackling seem quite well intentioned!

[Martin] "I think your notion of fairness, Matt, is a little at odds with the accepted definition"

[Martin] "and you can tell her indoors not to hold her breath!"

(cripes, he was very lucky Lilian wasn't around to hear that)

After claiming that Matt's attempts to get what he wanted out of BL was "ransom ... blackmail ... extortion ... sharp practice"

Matt just came back with a very calm:

"I call it business"

And quite right too! Martin's problem with Matt has more to do with his recent stay at her Majesty's pleasure than Matt having done something untoward.

Matt spotted an opportunity, now wants his asking price.

That is exactly "business".

[Matt on Martin]"What a smug condescending oaf he is"

Quite agree with you there Matt.

Martin does, however, rattle Matt to the point(with talks of abandoning the mart project) that he's willing to call .. nay, have over to lunch ... Brian.

But is that really what BL wants? To give up on the Mart altogether and just use the land for residential? Are they just bluffing?

I think Matt should keep holding her nerve. Residential properties aren't exactly big business at the moment - whereas the Mart already has a buyer in waiting.

When all's said and done - will BL dance with Matt, or lose a profit?

Do we think Jazzer is 'extra large'?

I had him down as understatedly muscled, tallish, with a ever-so-slightly-noticeable beer belly.

Or maybe the extra size is to fit in the muscles.

Jazzer certainly didn't take Harry's offer of an extra large We Love The Bull t-shirt as a compliment. Which actually says little, as Harry can’t say anything right by Jazzer.

And again, Jazzer's take on supporting of the We Love The Bull campaign:

"I donate a large chunk of my wages to the bull in return for a few pints each week ... I think that does mair to ensure the pub has a future"

As he said before, he's fully supportive with his drinking arm.

That's until he finds out that Fallon's wearing one of the t-shirts.

Suddenly, Jazzer's being verbally restrained by Jolene from stripping off in the bar!

[Jazzer] "how do I look?"

[Harry] "sensational"

[Jolene] "ooh, it suits you!"

(wahey! Jolene seems truly back on form)

[Jazzer] "I feel like a prat"

Harry's only ever on the diet lemonades

Now I think there's a story there ...

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

The Archers Mon 27th Sept 2010: Adam has an idea for Brian

The Archers: Adam sorts out Brian's problems ... Kate starts Uni ... Kate's annoyed at Alice ... Alice loves Chris ... Kenton decides whether to help Nigel

  • Adam teaches the teacher
  • Kate's first day at Uni
  • Matt still plays poker, Lilian still makes a wonderful G&T
  • "Oh that smell ... singed horses hoof"
  • To Barry or not to Barry

Adam teaches the teacher

Stressed out that the BL board are constantly hassling him over the deal with Matt, Brian takes to farming for a "a little light relaxation" (how very patronising to 'proper' farmers!).

But hope comes in the form of Adam (who has been ever so quiet of late).

Adam suggests to Brian that, rather than entirely give up on his "shiny new project", they accept Lilian's involvement - but in a different company.

So - rather than have Lilian on the BL board (which the rest of the board just won't let happen), BL creates a new company just for this project, which Lilian can be part of without Matt being able to have any involvement in BL.

Crafty! You are indeed "not just a pretty face" Adam.

Kate's first day at Uni

Worried about all of her classmates being 18 and straight from school, Kate's glad to find out that she's far from the oldest.

Seems like she's had a great time, even if:

"spotty youths were trying to get me into their societies"

Is that what they call it now during freshers' week? It was far more blunt in my day ...

Matt still plays poker, Lilian still makes a wonderful G&T

Brian's surprised to hear that Matt's still got the pennies to play poker, but Adam's delighted that Lilian still knows how to mix her drinks.

I was a bit surprised to hear Adam offering to speak to Lilian about this business deal. I thought he genuinely liked Lilian – so why get their friendship a bit soiled by bringing business into it?

Anyway, over G&Ts, Adam explains the potential proposal.

It would seem Lilian is entirely in agreement with Matt that she should be on the BL board, if Amside is going to be a partner.

Hang on there.

From what I understood, and from what Matt has said to Brian, the land belongs to Matt and is nothing to do with Amside.

What’s changed?

That aside (which I suppose is actually quite important – they wouldn’t have to even think of Lilian if what Matt previously had said about the ownership of the land is true), Lilian was very form about who runs Amside:

“I’m Director of Amside, not Matt. I am by no means just a figurehead. Ultimately every decision is mine.”

Alrighty. We hear you saying it, but don’t see that quite happening in reality.

If Lilian is in control, why has it only been Matt who’s been negotiating with Brian and BL?

Is Lilian oblivious to such discussions? Does she not realise that she does indeed just look like a figurehead, because she does do the wheeling and dealing?

And does the lady protest too much?

Either way, Lilian’s not making any decisions about Adam’s idea until she speaks to Matt. So watch this space (with an eager sense of anticipation, I’m sure …!)

And by-the-by – I think Lilian should dismiss the idea of just being a figurehead so quickly. She’d get all the glory, lots of fawning and plenty of time to mix more G&Ts. The Queen looks quite well on it …

"Oh that smell ... singed horses hoof"

As Kate put it, Alice is turning is fast turning into a bit of a 1950s wife.

Preferring to sit and watch Chris work all day, and choosing to have her birthday at home with Chris, Alice seems to be far too wrapped up in Chris to want to do anything else.

Which is fine.

Especially as it seems that Chris working is quite a sight to behold:

[Lilian] "He's a sight for sore eyes ... isn't with that sheen of sweat on his muscles"

Steady Lilian! If that had come from Kenton, I'd have been searching out my sick bag!

Having initially been delighted that Alice and Chris got married in such a dramatically irresponsible way (well, that's how Jennifer saw it), Kate's now horrified that her wee sister is running round after her new husband. Like a good wife should.

Kate does have a point. The roast they're having for Alice's birthday will be cooked by Alice (Chris says he can only manage "sausage and beans").

But isn't that just young love? There's plenty of time to stat arguing about the cooking, dishes, bills ...

[Kate] "so young to get hitched ... why didn't they just live together ... so easier to extricate self when things fall apart"

Hmmm. Which was Jennifer's exact point when she found about they’d got married.

Is Kate going to meddle? Try and lead Alice back to be a young hip chick?

Or will the differences between Chris and Alice become more evident when Alice goes back to Uni?

It's one thing to have a hunky boyfriend back home, but quite another to have a husband. I can imagine late nights out with the mobile switched off could become a problem.

And what about this:

[Alice] "You're just as clever as me ... just a different sort of clever"

Oh dear. That doesn’t bode well. Especially if Chris isn’t even clever enough to bung a roast in the oven ...

To Barry or not to Barry

Kenton's not letting Elizabeth off the hook anytime soon, preferring to blame her for Kathy finding out about Holly - rather than take responsibility himself (now there's a surprise!).

Elizabeth isn't aware of this, but Kenton holds all the cards when it comes to her anniversary.

Will he or won't he take her to meet 'Barry'?

Will he be churlish and childish enough to refuse to get her out of the way while Nigel sets up her surprise?

[Kenton] "I'll always be happy to promote your business - I'd be happy if you kept out of mine"

[Elizabeth] "I will stop interfering if you stop acting like a teenager"

[Kenton] "If that's the case, you'll probably be interfering until the day I die"

Which Kenton did say with a chuckle.

So if he's aware of it, why (oh why!) doesn't he either stop it, or at least realise that he creates his own dramas?

Thankfully (for Nigel), Kenton decides that Barry is still on. Which could actually turn out to be a shame, as I still think Kenton is the last person Nigel should have involved.

The Archers Sun 26th Sept 2010: Kathy confronts Kenton

The Archers: Another Boost for The Bull ...Lower Loxley's allotments are coming along nicely ... Kenton and Kathy bump into each other

  • The Harvest Supper at The Bull
  • Clever Bert and Eddie
  • "Don't be such a sanctimonious git"
  • "Freddie! No! That is a very rare specimen"
  • So there is controversy about the Peregrines after all
  • Kenton should have never told a Nigel a secret
  • Nigel should never told Elizabeth a secret

The Harvest Supper at The Bull

Debunking all myths of what Church of England ‘types’ are like, Fallon's delighted that Jolene's agreed to Alan hosting his Harvest Supper at The Bull.

Fallon's excited that so many folks from other parishes (that Alan ministers to) will be in The Bull, spending their money, having a nice time, and coming back again.

And who's the first person she wants to tell about the good news?



Let's also hope that Jolene really is back on form. Alan’s made all the arrangements with her ...

Clever Bert and Eddie

Seemingly Bert and Eddie have done a cracking job on laying out the allotments at Lower Loxley.

Hang on for a second ...

Eddie Grundy.

It surely can't have been that simple? Eddie did tell Nigel that it was all very "difficult" to do, but Eddie and Joe must be planning some way to take advantage of this new community development.

Or was Eddie satisfied at getting the practise in for the ploughing contest (and should I stop assuming there's always a scam afoot when the Grundy's are involved?).

"Don't be such a sanctimonious git"

Well, Kathy's hardly being shy about Kenton's one night stand.

She's been in The Bull telling Fallon. (Yet, she hasn’t even told Jamie that they've split up, as she thinks he'll just blame her (which is more than likely).)

When she later bumps into Kenton at the Village Shop, and gets into the inevitable (and very atypical) argument with him, she doesn't care who hears that Kenton hasn’t exactly been keeping himself for when he and Kathy got back together.

Which is actually a nice change from her fretting over what people think.

Whether you do think Kenton cheated or not, he was being an utter arse when he suggested that meet up for a drink ("or something") to talk about things.

(Unless he just wanted to make more formal arrangements about their split. Which I very much doubt.)

So Kenton wanted to have his fun, then go back to Kathy.

What joy the little toad was caught! Especially as Kenton was very slow to realise that Kathy knew all:

[Kenton] "are you and Jamie are still coming [to Jill's 80th]?"

[Kathy] "I hardly think that would be appropriate"

[Kenton] "I was wondering ... if you fancy meeting up for a drink or something?"

[Kathy] "why would I want to do that?"

[Kenton] "to talk about things"

[Kathy] "I don't want to talk about anything to you"

Kathy then demanded that Kenton move his stuff out before she put it out with the rubbish.

[Kenton] "well, okay. If that's the way you feel. You're right. It might be time to call it a day and move on ..."

[Kathy] "don't be such a sanctimonious git! You've already moved on!"

At which point, Kathy has to spell it out that she knows about Kenton sleeping with his customers (well, one of, so far).

Kenton spluttered, but Kathy was in full flight:

[Kathy] "if you think there's the remotest chance of me letting you move back into my life and my home after that kind of behaviour, then you’re even more stupid than I gave you credit for"

[Kenton] "let's keep this civilised"

[Kathy] "a man of your age picking up a young women in a bar ... that's civilised behaviour is it?!?"


Kenton sloped off with his tail well and truly cropped, slinging a rather pathetic "I hope you're satisfied" last say.

My sense of glee about Kathy giving Kenton such a basting was the fact that he had the sheer audacity to try and work things out with her - knowing she'd hate him for having slept with another women - and probably fully intending to make sure she never found out.

Far from Kenton thinking he as 'on a break', the slimy cretin wanted the best of both worlds - and hang how anyone else felt about that.

Kathy is surely no angel, nor has she been particularly reasonable at times, but thrice hurrah for Kenton being well and truly caught with his (far too young for a man his age) jeans down!

"Freddie! No! That is a very rare specimen"

So far, Freddie seems not to be a traditional lad (not into sports), not very brainy (already needs a tutor) and was scared of going to boarding school.

Now he also has a penchant for rare trees.

What the future beholds for this wee chap, one does wonder ...

So there is controversy about the Peregrines after all

Phew! I was worried that the Ambridge residents were just waffling about something which wasn't going to lead anywhere ...

"Where does it say in the bible that thou shalt provide sanctuary for dangerous birds of prey?"

Says Charles Harvey to Fallon, though he does have a vested interested (his wife Jean has a dovecot with ornamental doves). And seemingly Derek Fletcher is none too happy neither.

Alan's being his usual placatory self, and sees it all at a very early consultation stage.

Only problem I can foresee is that Lynda is very set on the Peregrines having a perch.

It's been a while since she got her placards out.

And by-the-by - I learnt tonight that a 'faculty' means to get permission to change the fabric of a church building. That's the joy of eavesdropping - you never know what you didn’t know in the first place!

Kenton should have never told a Nigel a secret

Quite expertly chastised by Kathy, Kenton instead tries to blame it all on Nigel.

Who passes the blame on Elizabeth.

Who just won't accept it! (I bet she would be the same at pass-the-parcel. I can see Elizabeth would be one of those folks who refuse to let it go).

[Kenton] "Kathy has thrown me out, thanks to you and your big mouth ... you were the only person who knew"

[Nigel] "I didn't tell her ... I never said a word ... well, not to Kathy anyway ...

(pause for Nigel's brain to shift a gear)

"I can't believe she .. she wouldn't! ... Oh dear. What a mess"

So Kenton and Nigel manage to work out that Elizabeth told Kathy. Kenton's now furious with both Pargetter's (especially since Nigel's supposed to be a mate - I don’t think he expects anything less of Elizabeth!).

Rather naively (and actually quite tactless, which is unusual), Nigel immediately asks Kenton if he'll still help with Elizabeth's anniversary surprise.

[Kenton] "Strange as it may seem, your wedding anniversary isn’t high on my priority ...  my life is in ruins thanks to you and Elizabeth"

Can you believe the cheek of the man! He decides to sleep with another woman, yet it's someone else’s fault that Kathy found out, just when he was trying to patch things up.

So he wanted to hide it from Kathy, which leaving Nigel to stew in the knowledge of what he'd done.

There is, of course, the argument that Nigel shouldn’t have told Elizabeth, but that isn't Nigel's style. He was worried about what he was supposed to do with this rather unwanted information from Kenton, especially as he'd been trying to persuade Kathy to give him another chance.

And how many couples don’t tell each other almost everything? Maybe they shouldn't, especially when it means giving up a friend's confidence, but just how many couples start a conversation with "Now don't tell anyone ...".

Kenton's actions. Kenton's fault. If he really didn’t want anyone to know, he shouldn’t have been so quick to boast to Nigel about his conquest. After all, he hardly told Nigel to express his feelings about it. He just wanted to brag and beat his chest!

Nigel should never told Elizabeth a secret

I was all for stringing Elizabeth up as a bit of a witch - certainly a bad sister - and most definitely a woman's who's forgotten her own colourful past to try and become a moral pillar of the community.

Which was exactly how Kenton felt.

But, Elizabeth's explanation did make sense.

[Elizabeth] "it was so tricky Kenton ... I had to in the end"

[Kenton] "she was standing there with a gun to your head, was she?"

[Nigel] "Oh Lizzie. What have you done? I told you in absolute confidence"

[Elizabeth] "I got cornered. I couldn't very well say no"

Which is actually quite true. Kathy wanted her advice as to whether she should take Kenton back. Elizabeth knew about Kenton and Holly.

And, more importantly, Elizabeth knew that (a) Kenton wouldn't be man enough to tell Kathy and (b) Kenton sleeping with Holly was indicative of his feelings for Kathy (not very strong at all).

[Elizabeth] "I knew getting Kenton was getting hopelessly drunk and had been shagging this Holly person. When she asked me point blank what to do, I couldn't lie to her face"

Fair enough. But I can’t entirely shake the feeling that Elizabeth probably would have told Kathy at some point anyway. But I’ll let her off the hook this time as she did actually do the right thing.

Next problem is how on earth is Kenton, Elizabeth and Nigel all going to live together? And what about Nigel and Kenton's madcap nights out???

"He's never going to trust me again"

Ah well. At least Kenton still has ... well, I suppose ... erm ... um ... his own ego???

Friday, 24 September 2010

The Archers Fri 24th Sept 2010: Kathy asks Elizabeth to be honest

The Archers: Hayley's already irritated by Kate ... Lucy's had her baby ... Jolene seems back on form ... We Love The Bull gathers pace ... Elizabeth's a really bad sister (I mean REALLY bad)

  • Those Peregrines are awfully fickle
  • Fallon's more interested in Harry's 'furniture'
  • Hello Sidney Gemmell 
  • I'd forgotten about the Golf Club Dinner
  • Jolene speaks!
  • How we can show We Love The Bull
  • Hayley needs to be "a saint"
  • Really Elizabeth! There was no call for that.

Those Peregrines are awfully fickle

Is it just me, or is there actually no story to tell about the Peregrines?

It's almost edging on there being some controversy, but no-one actually seems to really have a problem with them.

Maybe we'll have 'Lynda's Peregrine 101' lessons alongside Jill and her bees.

Fallon's more interested in Harry's 'furniture'

Actually, I shouldn't have put quotation marks around the word furniture - as it was only the furniture that Fallon was indeed interested in.

Or was it?

Helping to save Harry from his "underfurnished existence", Fallon's too engrossed to even listen to Harry properly about the We Love The Bull campaign.

[Fallon]"surely you want a deep sumptuous rug to roll around in?"


The later on:

"I didn't manage to persuade harry to buy the rug that i liked"


So, can we take it that Fallon wants a roll in the rug with Harry?!?

Hello Sidney Gemmell

Lucy has had a baby boy, and named him after her dad.

Erm ... and that's all there is to say. The poor chap has hardly been born to trumpeting angels!

I'd forgotten about the Golf Club Dinner

And that was why Nigel was talking to Kenton about his lack of control when drinking.

Is the moral of the tale going to be Kenton's descent in alcoholism?

Jolene speaks!

Hurrah! Jolene held a whole conversation, gave advice and had an opinion.

Is this sign of a recovery?

Bad timing though. She finally manages to engage with another human being, but it's a damn shame it was Kathy AND Jolene was telling her that maybe Kenton was trying to make things better.

If you're going to try and keep Kathy and Kenton together, you probably should just go back to your aimless wandering, Jolene. That's though, but Kenton and Kathy have been very tough on us.

How we can show We Love The Bull

The Ambridge residents have decided to make t-shirts (ready for next week), for Jim to run a quiz night (hmmm. Will anyone get an answer right?) and for the flower tubs to be tidied.

But there seems to be a problem about changing the menu. Fallon seems to think that even suggesting it would tip Jolene back over the edge.

(am I missing something? Was Sid fanatical about the menu? Does it staying the same keep his memory alive?!?)

Yet her worries were unfounded. Delighted about the quiz and flower tubs:

"oh no ... you're not serious? .. oh! ... that's fantastic ... thank you!"

Jolene sounded like she was bear hugging Harry and Fallon when they (very gently) raise the issue of the menus:

"I ain't worried darling ... oh come here you two ... you're gorgeous ... so nice you care about the pub"

Hurrah and hooray! Is Jolene back? Has The Bull already been saved by simply showing how much We Love The Bull through a few flowers, some old academic bloke asking questions and changing from straight cut chips to curly fries?!?

We shall see.

But just in case - make sure you support The Bull on Twitter (follow @welovethebull) and Facebook (click here for the We Love The Bull cause)

The BBC article should also bring on more supporters - click see to see it

By the by - another thought I had was that maybe we should be actually going to The Bull when doors open, until doors close.

That seemed to be Jazzer's approach. Bum on seat. Beer in hand. Cash in till.

Now where did I put The Bull's address ....

Hayley needs to be "a saint"

Hayley's still livid about Phoebe going to stay with Kate for a week.

Seemingly Kate's while attitude is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Somehow, I think it;s Roy who's going to have to be the saint in all of this.

Regardless of whether Kate does 'do a Kate' or not, Hayley's going to find fault.

(and all this without Kate saying a word today!)

Really Elizabeth! There was no call for that.

Well, Kathy did ask for honesty, but Elizabeth didn't really need an excuse to drop Kenton in it.

After having had a chat with Jolene, Kathy seems to think it;s worth talking to Elizabeth to see if Kenton has indeed changed. That he's been making an effort with Jamie has given her some hope.

And who better to ask than his own sister. Who never holds back from criticising, blaming. judging (etc. etc.) Kenton.

[K] "what do you think?"

[E] "I'm not sure it's for me to say ..."

[K] "maybe I've blamed Kenton too much."

[E] "I really can't answer"

But it felt like one of those moments when you offer a friend petrol money, they refuse, but you know you're both just being polite until they take it.

Except, in this instance, it's a bit more of a sensitive subject.

I felt really sad for Kathy (which is the first in many, many weeks), as she did seem to genuinely hope that Kenton was being more "mature and responsible".

After all of those heated arguments, maybe she did realise that she loves him.

Or, at least was lonely without him.

Either way, Kathy felt that maybe she had been unfair, and maybe they should give it another go, or at least give Kenton another chance.

After all, Nigel told her to. As did Jolene, Clarrie and Pat.

Maybe she could have saved herself a lot of time by heading straight to Elizabeth:

[K] "Just tell me - do you think i should give Kenton another chance? You can be honest"

[E] "My brother's not going to change. As far as I can see, he will always be the same ..."

(here it comes)

[E] "He was with somebody else, Kathy"

[K] "but ... who ... no, forget it ... no, it doesn't matter ... oh ..."

(after Elizabeth saying it was only a one night stand)

[K] "and that's meant to make me feel better?"

[K] "Of all the things he could have done ... and after everything ... right ... well ... that's that I suppose. Thank you for telling me ... I can never forgive him for this ... There is nothing to say. As far as I'm concerned, it's all over"

Phew! That was a long time coming.

But at the end, quite sad.

If I did believe the The Archers wasn't real, I'd have said that the 'actor' 'playing' Kathy did a wonderful performance tonight.

But as that's not what I believe - Kathy, I think you were impeccable.

Breaking News Fri 24th Sept 2010:

We Love The Bull on the BBC! (click here for the article)

I’ll admit that I have a foot in both camps (though I’m not sure you’re allowed to only be partly an Anarchist).

I believe that “The Archers Are real. There Are No Actors”. The BBC pretending that they write The Archers is just a conspiracy to keep everyone from finding out where Ambridge is. After all, wouldn’t we all like to live there?

But, I also admit (with slight trepidation in case my fellow Archers Anarchists put me first up against the wall) that I am a member of the Archers Addicts. I have even been known to look at the ‘actors’ pictures on the BBC website (which I always feel slightly soiled about after).

So, I can’t claim to be an AA puritan, nor do I accept (in my mind) the claims of the BBC that they create The Archers for us. (Which is a ridiculous thought. Why on earth would they have kept a ‘radio soap’ about a small rural area on the air for nearly 60 years. Who on earth would be interested in that!?!).

So the piece on the BBC Archers pages about the We Love The Bull campaign is very rewarding for Harry, and the rest of us who have been working away to show Jolene about how much we do Love The Bull.

But it’s also a bit perplexing for me as @thearchersfan to actually be part of this BBC conspiracy.

And while it’s a great peace and will hopefully fuel even further support for We Love The Bull, I don’t understand what it means about the Archers residents on Twitter being ‘listeners’.

Surely not?

I hate to think that the chats I’ve been having with @bartlebythepony were actually just with some bloke …

I’ll have to regroup to ponder this new development, which is in danger of making my entire view of the world split like an atom.

Either way - the important thing is to show that We Love The Bull!

Save The Bull!

Join Us

- twitter

@welovethebull (446 followers and counting)
There is a @savethebull, but there’s no tweets under that account as yet

- Facebook cause:
We Love The Bull :

The Archers Thurs 23rd Sept 2010: Kate has landed!

The Archers: The return of Kate … Brian can’t sleep … Kenton staggers back to Lower Loxley

  • Brian can’t sleep for thinking of Matt
  • Nigel slept very well indeed
  • Jill’s fretting and Freddie sounds a tad lacking in the brain department
  • “Don’t expect me to be any nicer to you later!”
  • “Here she is!”
  • Nigel has to sneak comfort to Kenton
  • “It’s always a jolly day, isn’t it!”
  • So was it cheating?

Brian can’t sleep for thinking of Matt

And even Phoebe is losing out because of it, as Brian was merrily chomping away at ‘her’ cereal when he decided he’d had enough of lying awake.

“I can’t stop thinking about Matt and this damn land”

“Matt just wants to prove how much smarter he is”

Well, Matt has been smarter this time round. But I’m sure Brian will find a way to scupper him. Then Matt will do something else to block Brian and BL. Then Brian will get his own back … and on.

Not that it’s ever dull when Matt and Brian lock horns. Just slightly inevitable.

Nigel slept very well indeed

But he seemingly snores enough to drown out any sign of Kenton returning.

Which Elizabeth was listening out for, but never did hear as (unbeknownst to her) he was off at his lady friend’s).

Jill’s fretting and Freddie sounds a tad lacking in the brain department

Now that Lily and Freddie don’t have to go away to boarding school , Jill’s found something new to worry about.

Jill thinks that the entrance exams are putting the twins under “too much pressure”.

And Elizabeth also has concerns over Freddie.

Whereas Lily is expected to have no trouble with the exams, seemingly the academic side of life isn’t Freddie’s strong point.

Chin up old chap! The Pargetter’s didn’t build their empire on brains, you know!

“Don’t expect me to be any nicer to you later!”

As Kenton drags himself through the front door, Elizabeth is shocked and appalled by the state he’s in.

[E] “Oh you reek! You haven’t just got back, have you?!?”

[K] “It was a bit of a heavy night – I just need some caffeine …is there any bacon?”

Kenton doesn’t seem to be able to focus on anything other than trying to make himself even feel a tiny bit human after his binger and ‘session’, but he’s making the classic mistake of not realising that Elizabeth is livid (and maybe he should have thought about coffee last night!)

And a livid Elizabeth won’t make you coffee and bacon.

“Bacon! What do you think you’re playing at Kenton!?! Is this how you think you can behave? Wasn’t getting locked up enough for you?”

Poor Nigel (who had just been released from having to do penance for his part to play in Kenton getting arrested) is yet again stuck in between.

He’s far too nice about it though. While I think that Elizabeth is reacting far too harshly (after all, Kenton is an adult and he’s hardly caused that much bother for her and Nigel), I also think that hangovers do not come under the heading “not well”.

We’ve all had them. They’re our own fault. And don’t really deserve that much sympathy.

But Kenton just don’t know when to stop, admit defeat in the face of Elizabeth’s fury, and slope off to a nice dark room:

[K] “I understand if you’re angry, but can you just do it in a slightly quieter voice …”

[E] “I can speak how I like in my own home!”

Finally admitting defeat, Kenton’s sent to his room. At the age of 52. By his younger sister (aged 43).

“Here she is!”

And so it begins.

The quiet before the storm just sees Kate arriving home, to the joy and delight of Jennifer and Brian (even though Kate already stressed Jennifer out a wee bit by unpacking some of her things downstairs).

Eager to see the new Mrs Carter, Kate also manages to blame Brian and Jennifer for both her and Alice’s slightly random behaviour

“must be something in the genes”

But wrapped in the glow of their newly returned daughter, neither Brian nor Jennifer take the bait.

And Kate’s delighted to hear that Phoebe will be staying for a week.

Especially as she’s got her a vuvuzela (which Brian eventually got to work).

I wonder how long it’ll take for the vuvuzela to be made to disappear …

… and I’m sure Roy will also be delighted with his. Especially as it’ll surely make up for all the chaos that Kate’s going to being back to his life (!!!).

Nigel has to sneak comfort to Kenton

While Elizabeth is taking the kids to school, Nigel manages to smuggle some coffee and paracetamol to Kenton.

Who’s grateful, and busting to tell Nigel about his exploits:

(if you have a weak stomach, I suggest you probably don’t want to continue reading … )

[K] “I stayed over with someone … it was one of my customers …a female one. Don’t look so surprised!”

[K] “ …Holly – runs a dept at Underwoods – blond hair, big eyes and ... phew, she knows some tricks in the bedroom!”

[K] “I know … I should be feeling guilty about Kathy, but this might just be what I needed … who knows where me and Kathy stand”

[K] “This was just your pure … raw animal …”

(thankfully interrupted by Nigel with “yes, alright- I get the picture”)

[K]” With Kathy it’s never exactly swinging from the lampshades, but with Holly … to have a woman like her want someone like me the way she wanted me last night – doesn’t half polish off the ego!”

Oh my. It really doesn’t bear thinking about, let alone hearing about!

Kenton feels “alive” for the first time in ages.

Nigel, ever wise and cautious (well, out of his gorilla suit):

“You’re an adult … so it’s not for me to say what you can and can’t do. Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much. It’s not good for you, beside just isn’t sensible if you’re so out of control”

Which is a fair enough point, but Kenton confirmed that he had been “careful” (which brought an image which I didn’t want to see, and suspect will have to cope with for a long time to follow!)

And surely it isn’t Kenton’s drinking that’s causing the problem. Isn’t this all more about Kenton’s mid-life crisis? And the fact he doesn’t seem to want her partner (nor her him)?

And why on earth is it so wrong that an adult man wanders back ‘home’ after a night out drinking and … um … well, you know …?

“I’m sorry and duly chastised”

And so seemingly is Nigel, as Elizabeth’s also thrown him back into the sin bin for having done nothing wrong at all.

So now both men are going to have to kowtow and walk on (Faberge) eggshells, while Elizabeth gets to be righteous and pure in her anger.

Of course, all will be well if they manage to make her and Nigel’s’ anniversary surprise a really special one.

But then again, we are talking about Nigel and Kenton …

“It’s always a jolly day, isn’t it!”

Nigel, I would pick grapes with you anytime.

So was it cheating?

Isn’t Nigel just adorable when he’s been upset, or is unsure about something.

“[Kenton] told me something Lizzie. I don’t know what to think about it”

Nigel’s torn between being Kenton’s mate, being Elizabeth’s husband and also having given Kathy a “give him another chance” speech last week.

[N] “There’s no point being judgemental, is there?”

[E] “He cheated on Kathy!”

[N] “But has he, I mean, really?”

Of course, Elizabeth sees no shades of grey. As far as she’s concerned, Kenton and Kathy haven’t properly split up, so Kenton sleeping with another woman is utterly wrong.

While getting increasingly alarmed at Elizabeth’s reactionary and conservative (small c) attitudes, I can see her point.

Kenton hasn’t made a final break with Kathy, and he blatantly lied to Holly to ensure she didn’t think Kathy was still an issue.

But, Kathy has also made it clear that she doesn’t want Kenton back, so I think she has no right to stop him being with other women.

Rather than it being cheating, I think it’s just Kenton being an arse. Pure and simple. He knows the grown-up thing to have done would have been to be honest with Holly, and to realise that he needs to officially end things with Kathy before he gets involve with another woman.

After all, even if this was just a one night stand, there’s no way he can do anything without it somehow getting back to Kathy.

[E]“And what about Kathy? Can you imagine how she’d feel if she found out? How could he do that to her?”

Very easily, and without a second thought for Kathy, Jamie and the rest of Ambridge that will get caught in the impending crossfire.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

The Archers Wed 22nd Sept 2010: Kenton 'has' a lady friend

The Archers: Kenton spends time with Jamie ...Kenton gets a pull (eh???) ... Pip's planning the barn dance

  • Nachos and Shandy
  • "I didn't recognise you in the daylight"
  • David knows what a 'chilling zone' is
  • Pip and her mean machine
  • Times haven't changed when it comes to vodka from the local shop
  • No! Not the sofa!

Computer Games, Nachos and Shandy

Say what I will about Kenton, he does know what a young lad wants from a day out.

And for five minutes Jamie wasn't shouting.


"I didn't recognise you in the daylight"

Can you believe it was Kenton saying that to his new lady friend Holly than the other way round?

(Though, I suppose that depends on what you think Kenton looks like.)

He'd met Holly last night when she was celebrating her birthday in Jaxx (see my post from yesterday).

Amazingly enough, she actually liked the attention Kenton was lavishing on her!

Who'd have thunk it???

"it was great ... you really made it special ... I almost didn't mind getting a year older"

And then, Holly says she'll be in Jaxx later on to see Kenton. And mentioned "it's a date".

Even Kenton couldn't believe that one.

Do we actually believe Holly (or any other woman, for that matter) would fall so quickly for Kenton's over exuberant charms?

David knows what a 'chilling zone' is

What with Nic standing up for herself, Kenton getting a pull and now David knowing what a 'chilling zone', I'm all at sea with what I think I should think about Ambridge's residents.

But then again - isn't the correct term 'a chill out' zone?

(and I am very happy to be corrected on that one!).

Anyway, Pip's planning the Young Farmers' Barn Dance at Brookfield, and all seems to be well.

Ruth had to have one of her moments:

"have you proved to your dad that you can do it responsibly?"

(ach wheest woman!)

But David seems quite happy with the arrangements.

So nothing could go wrong, could it?

Pip and her mean machine

Well, to be fair it'll probably be a ten year old fiesta.

David seems quite keen for Pip to learn to drive (maybe so that he and Ruth can stop being her taxi service).

And bless his pride in his daughter:

"I don't expect you're going to need many anyway"

Ah bless. All's well that ends with Jude not being around ...

Times haven't changed when it comes to vodka from the local shop

Nope indeed they haven't.

The chances of being served alcohol in your local village shop are next to none if you're (a) underage and (b) a local.

I'm not sure where this Marty mate of Jamie comes from, but it seemed Jamie thought he stood a better chance of getting Sabrina to serve them:

"give her a wink, say you like her hair"

Really? Is that all it takes to get something from Sabrina?

Maybe someone should tell Kenton ...

Anyway, David Archers spoiled the party by stopping to chat.

But looks like they succeeded somehow.

Jamie and Marty later left a voice message on Kenton's phone which sounded rather drunken. And it was also rather badly timed ...

No! Not the sofa!

Kenton wows Holly with his Tom Cruise impression (from Cocktail), but then gets a light grilling about who Jamie was.

Holly thought Jamie looked like Kenton, but Kenton made clear the Jamie was his stepson.

And that they are very close.

Unlike his relationship with Kathy!

"we've split up now ... it's been a while"

"me and Kathy ... it's definitely over. Really, there's nothing going on"

Oh dear. Not quite the truth there Kenton Archer!

Still, it's a white(ish) lie. But it's one which most definitely come back to bite Kenton on his bum. The whole "but we were on a break" reasoning just isn't going to wash with Kathy. Or Holly. Or David, Elizabeth, Jill, Jamie ...

So just to make it worse, Kenton then ends up back at Holly's flat. With wine. A sofa. And a vibrating pocket

(which was Jamie making his drunken call).

While Kenton listens to Jamie's voicemail, and almost has a pang of guilt, Holly's merrily pouring more wine while singing a Gwen Stefani tune (don't ask me which one - I just recognised the 'whoo-hoo, hee-hoo', or something similar to that).

Then they snog (never a pleasant thing to hear on the radio), and the final words we're left with (surely haunting our nightmares) is:

"i think the bedroom is a very good idea"

Well, yuk (some on, it is Kenton having a sexual thrill!) and 'oh deary, deary, deary me'.

While I don't think Kenton has been especially wrong in having a fling (if it is just that), he's certainly not been thinking with his brain.

Expect a full-blown fall-out.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

The Archers Tues 21st September 2010: Nic reveals herself


The Archers: BL make their decision ... We Love The Bull meeting ... Mighty Me! On yersel Nic!

  • I'd feel sorry for BL if they weren't so rich
  • Ambridge villagers rush to signup to We Love The Bull
  • Nic has bite!
  • Will's not impressing Brian
  • Harry and Nic?
  • Kenton finds a new friend?!?

I'd feel sorry for BL if they weren't so rich

Borchester Land vote on whether they accept Matt's terms (that Lilian joins the board, as well as a good price for his land), and it was seemingly a close one.

After lots of testosterone fuelled posturing and shouting, they vote to tell Matt no to Lilian being on the board - it's cash only.

I'll admit that a have a sneaky smugness for their woes. As they pointed out, Matt's managed to create major havoc for them only months after getting out of prison.

"he now wants to see who's going to blink first"

I think Matt super glued his eyes open before he was released, and I think Brian's right that they'd better

"hope that Matt is bluffing"

As if it's not, they had indeed better start looking around for other projects.

Ambridge villagers rush to signup to We Love The Bull

Well, we only have Nic and Harry's word for it. We didn't get to listen in to their first meeting.

Seemingly Bert, Mike, Roy, Hayley and Jim are active supporters, and Jolene's had a look at the website.

And that's the whole point of it.

Lest we forget that The Bull isn't actually about to close - it just could close if Jolene doesn't shape up.

And Ambridge's way of helping someone shape up is to show them some love.


Now where can I buy a We Love The Bull t-shirt that Harry was on about ...

(and don't forget t follow @welovethebull on Twitter, plus join Facebook's We Love the Bull page)

Nic has bite!

Who'd have thought it!

I certainly completely misread Nic. I thought she was a pushover for Will, and would (quite literally) be pushed over by him without complaint.

Yet she came out fighting, and floored Will within the first round!

After mentioning that she'd have liked to have gone for a "nice drink" with Harry and the rest of the We Love The Bull supporters, Nic suddenly has a sense of clarity when Will reacts badly.

"honestly Will, you don't have to get tetchy. I'm not going to abandon you"

Which was followed up Nic utterly letting rip when she got back from work to find a Will stressed out by the kids, read to pick a fight with her about Harry.

To paraphrase:

[Will] "he's just all you seemed to talk about at the moment - Harry this, Harry that ..." (interrupted by Nic)

[Nic] "what are you saying?"

[W] "it just don't make it very easy for me you doing all these shifts ... I'm wondering why you want to spend so much time there"

[N] "you're jealous!"

[W] " ... eh?!?" (sorry to interrupt - but, aye right then Will!)

[N] "you think there's something going on between me and harry!"

[W] "i dropped by ... you're round the corner hugging and kissing"

[N] "With Fallon there!" (interrupted by Nic)

(deep breath folks, and read the rest of Nic's parts of this with the angriest voice your head can muster)

[N] "I am not Emma! Is that what you think? I can't believe you actually think I would ever cheat on you ... you know what happened with Andrew ... I'd never hurt you like that"

[W] "If I'm wrong, that's fine ... " (interrupted by Nic)

[N] "it's no more than your mum does" (meaning Clarrie works behind the bar as well)

[N] "It's because of that stupid tramp and what she did to you ... maybe you'd like it if I never spoke to anyone ...if someone bought me a drink, throw it back in their face!"

[W] "who has been buying you drinks?" (interrupted by Nic)

[N] "I am not going to spend the rest of my life making up for the mistake of that women ... I'm not going to let whatever is going on in your head spoilt it for me. I love you - you need to believe me. You're just going to start having a bit of faith in me"


I was applauding Nic all the way through that.

There was me thinking she was a sitting duck for Will's anger and frustration, yet she headed him off at the pass with fifty elephants to his one.

All well and good, but will Will come back fighting?

And what's going to happen when he hears about Emma's pregnancy ...?

Will's not impressing Brian

This happened a few days back as well, but it would seem that Will isn't doing very at his gamekeeper job.

He didn't sound pleased to see Brian - fudged his way through telling Brian the figures (which weren't as good as Brian expected) - and generally seemed to be in a bit of a muddle.

As we all know, Brian doesn't suffer such ineptness.

As I said before - will Will lose his job, girlfriends and dignity (Emma having a baby with Ed) all in one go?

Harry and Nic?

It'd be a bit obvious, but yet more hints are falling about Harry and Nic.

Well, at least that seems to me to be what's happening. And Will (yikes!)

A bit of a *snort* moment when Harry surprised Nic by popping up from somewhere unusual:

"I wasn't expecting you to be back there!"

('just where was Harry!', I hear you cry)

Harry does seem like a nice enough bloke, and Nic could do with a nice enough bloke (she needs to get away from Will before he really blows!).

But then again, I'm with Jazzer that Harry is possibly too good enough to be true.

Kenton finds a new friend?!?

I never understand how the BBC announcers can foretell what's going to happen in Ambridge, but the nice chap mentioned that Kenton will find a new friend tomorrow night.

Do we think the friend will be of the lady variety?

And will Kathy be relived or livid?

Monday, 20 September 2010

The Archers Mon 20th September 2010: Kate creates upset before even arriving

The Archers: Jennifer wants Phoebe ... Kenton has a cunning plan (*groan*) ... Helen has good news

  • Did Vicky cheat?
  • Caught in the middle with Roy
  • Yup. Kenton's about to screw it up for Nigel.
  • Kenton didn't remember Helen was pregnant ... then offered her "innocent passion"
  • "no harm in mutual appreciation"
  • Helen's at a low risk

Did Vicky cheat?

I must have heard that wrong when Kirsty said to Jennifer that Vicky won one of the Flower and Produce Show categories by using a garden designer (which must've been after her cake collapsing last year).

But Jennifer didn't react.

I must have got that wrong.

Or Jennifer was too preoccupied buying food and trying to work out what Kate is actually studying (something to do with " post-disaster relief" and "project management". Ye Gods!)

Or, is it okay to use a professional in Ambridge?

That's certainly not the way it's done round here. Folks have been hounded out with pitchforks for less!

Caught in the middle with Roy

Kate hasn't even arrived in Ambridge, but there's already a to-do.

Jennifer has decided that it'd be a good idea for Phoebe to stay with Kate for a week, before Kate starts College and has less time on her hands.

While Roy didn't seem to happy about it, he wasn't half as vicious about it as Hayley.

You know how protective mums can be when it comes to their brood - and Hayley's no exception!

Poor Roy's trying to get the balance right between Phoebe having time with her biological mum, not upsetting her de facto mum and also not having to confront Kate's own mum!

Poor chap indeed.

"I don't want her [Phoebe] to think she shouldn't spend time with her mum"

"of course not ... but I'm her mum too! I'm not here to be replaced when Kate fancies being a parent"

Ouch. Try and get a fair compromise out of that one!

As Hayley said, we're all going to have months of this. Roy's plan is to muddle along as best he can, showing "willing" to Kate and Jennifer.

But that isn't going to pass muster with Hayley.

And, after all, can we really trust Kate to be a proper parent to Phoebe? Surely Kate will get her second wind (while minus other kids and husband), and party?

Thank goodness Jude isn't still around for Kate to stumble over. I think they have the same maturity levels.

Yup. Kenton's about to screw it up for Nigel.

As predicted, Nigel should have stood his ground in not letting Kenton 'help' him get Elizabeth out of Lower Loxley while he sets up her anniversary surprise.

Kenton's great plan is to pretend some bloke called Barry is an important entrepreneur (who Kirsty reckons will never pass for such) who needs to meet Elizabeth at the other side of Felpersham to talk about a booking (which Kirsty reckoned Elizabeth will never buy into as he'd surely need to see Lower Loxley).

Here we go again. I foresee one apologetic Nigel, one livid Elizabeth and one unrepentant Kenton.

Kenton didn't remember Helen was pregnant ..
... then offered her "innocent passion"

Upset that Kenton didn't even notice she was pregnant, let alone remembered she was (those Archers really stick together, don't they!), Helen was righteously angry when Kenton offered her a cocktail.

Moving onto non-alcoholic concoctions:

[Kenton] "I can highly recommend my innocent passion"

[Helen] "I'd rather you didn't"

ooh. Couldn't you just feel an icy wind blowing as Helen uttered that!

"no harm in mutual appreciation"

Seemingly in an "excitable mood", Kenton's cracking Jaxx's music up, and taking special care of 'the ladies'

At least being sensible in checking what Kirsty and Helen thought a particular young lady's age was (mid to late 30s), Kenton does seem to be bouncing merrily on the rebound train.

Let's just hope this Holly lady doesn't get a special surprise from Kenton for her birthday.

Not because it'd be wrong to do so (and it would hopefully put the final nail into his relationship with Kathy), but just the very thought of it ... yuk!

Helen's at a low risk

Which is a superb improvement from a low mood!

The tests show that the chances of Helen's baby having problems are small, so Helen can relax a wee bit.

And she's even made a new resolution:

"What will be, will be"

Boy oh boy, who'd have thought Helen would ever say such a thing! She's going to try and only worry about the stuff she can control, rather than that she can't.

What Helen thinks she can control is "eating properly" and rest.

Um ..

Is it just me, or is that exactly what Helen can't control?

Surely the baby will take care of her not having any rest - and Helen controlling her eating? Not her strongest point so far.

The Archers Sun 19th Sept 2010: The Flower and Produce Show

The Archers: Kathy's made to listen ... Judge Joe

  • Kathy is a wandering cloud of doom and gloom
  • "Bigger than an honour from the Queen"
  • So Veg judging means plenty of cakes and wine
  • Ad Victoriam 
  • Ex Dolo Malo 
  • "the bounty of Ambridge - it never ceases to amaze!"
  • A pint and a cake for your 89th birthday
  • Even Jim is supporting We Love The Bull!

Kathy is a wandering cloud of doom and gloom

Talking to Clarrie (well, moaning at Clarrie), Kathy thinks Jamie was bragging about Kenton's Police cell time to Eddie.

Kathy reckons that it's Kenton's fault for showing off, rather than being embarrassed and humbled by the experience.

"I can't imagine he'd do something like that"

responds Clarrie.

So while Kenton has his defenders, Kathy sounds like she's had enough. Finally!

"In the end ... I told him we're better off without him here"

Phew! Whether you side with Kathy or Kenton, them splitting up must be good news for us all. Well, apart from Jamie (who will inflict months of 'whatever').

"But there's always another side to a story, isn't there?"

No no no Clarrie. Don't put doubts in Kathy's head that she isn't right to leave things with Kenton as they are. We all deserve a break ...

Then bloomin' (but the ever lovely and well meaning) Nigel tries to convince Kathy that Kenton isn't bad (this was while Kathy was at the Show, doing her best to wilt the flowers with her despondent glare).

After a failed first attempt

"Let me explain ... it was never my intention ... i don't want you to think I was somehow colluding ... Kenton was very upset ... drowning his sorrows"

Nigel won't let it go:

"something I think you should understand ... you know what he's like ... likes to pretend nothing affects him ... the worst that it gets the more he tries to run away ..."

And again:

"I'm just trying to say ... don't judge him too harshly ... he does care ...particularly about Jamie ... that boy means the world to him"

And tops it off with:

"He's his own worst enemy, but he's not a lost cause ... do give him another chance"

Oh for pity sake Nigel! You can also stop your nonsense. They're just not right for each other. And that's never going to make for a happy relationship, let alone a home for Jamie.

Leave them be. Let them both be stubborn, stay away from each other and move on.

"Bigger than an honour from the Queen"

Which is what Clarrie reckons Joe sees being asked to be a judge at the Flower and Produce Show.

Anything that gets Joe Grundy up early and into a suit is a good thing. Especially when it doesn't involve a court hearing.

(that isn't fair of me. He's hardly a Horrobin...)

So Veg judging means plenty of cakes and wine

Ah, you're a cheeky monkey Mr Joe Grundy.

Trying to 'help' Nigel out with the wine so that he doesn't get into trouble again (like last Friday), I love Joe for his inability to call Nigel by anything other than his full name:

"watch out with that there wine, Nigel Pargetter"

Joe also helped Ian with cakes, but, to be fair, he helped Edgar Titcombe with the flower judging. Joe gave away that the winner of the roses was someone whose honey cakes collapsed last year ...

As for his real job as veg judge, Joe was well ahead of himself. Done and dusted in time to sample the other delights of the Show, Joe reckoned that his judging was fair:

"even if makes some folks unhappy ... there's no going back now"

Sounds ominous!

Ad Victoriam

Quite right too, Jim. Nice to see that at least Bert and Jim can have a drink together, even though they're pitted in earnest against each other for the glory of the veg awards.

But, Ad Victoriam soon turned to ...

Ex Dolo Malo

And Bert wasn't to blame. It was purely Joe's pure adherence to the rules.

Jim's outraged to find that his onions have been disqualified for being "not to schedule". Which is because Jim used some twine to hold his onions together. Which isn't in the rules.

Of course, Jim can't quite believe that the judging wasn't just about the quality of the onions (seemingly poor Bob Pullen's were nothing to remark about, yet won third place).

"anyone with eyes can see mine are the best on the table"

"honestly - he can recognise excellence can't he - why on earth would he be so damn petty!"

Well, in the first place, Jim, that's what happens at these shows. Rules are rules, and they have to be stuck to.

In the second place, Joe later nearly admitted that Jim's disqualification might have had to do with Joe seeing Bert buy some twine in the shop.

Telling Jim:

"I hope you ain't casting aspersions"

Joe's quite simply gone and picked the wrong onions.

So not only is Jim livid with him, Joe also has to suffer a very smug Bert - who won onions, carrots, leeks and tomatoes.

"thank you. You've been very far minded ... that takes a big man!"

crowed Bert

"I ain't going to do it again. All this authority ain't what it's cracked up what it supposed to be. Folk just want to blame you for everything!"

Ah, that's a shame Joe. Especially as all your plans came to nothing, and it's a whole year until you can knock Bert back into his place.

If only Harold Asquith hadn't run off with Colin Carpenter ..

"the bounty of Ambridge - it never ceases to amaze!"

Which is why millions of us eavesdrop every night (apart from Saturday), and I spend a decent chunk of my evening blogging.

My other half wonders whether there's a support group for Ambridge-widowers. Any ideas?

A pint and a cake for your 89th birthday

Ah well. I guess that, along with the extra wine, made Joe a happy birthday boy indeed.

Even Jim is supporting We Love The Bull!

Jim on the We Love the Bull website:

"what i imagine what one might call virtual community ... designed to encourage people to pledge their affiliation to The Bull"

So if Jim is happy to "help in anyway", what will you be able to say you did for The Bull?

Join Us:



@welovethebull (154 followers and counting)
There is a @savethebull, but there’s no tweets under that account as yet

Facebook causes:

We Love The Bull :

(and by-the-by, the @welovethebull isn't me on Twitter (I#m @thearchersfan), and the Facebook cause isn't about raising money. Just a bit of fun for the sake of The Bull).

The Archers Fri 17th Sept 2010: The morning after the night before

The Archers: Jamie and Kenton have hangovers ... Lynda clears up the bird hide ... Joe's being cheeky ... Brian's worried

  • Jamie's in trouble with Kathy
  • Kenton's in trouble with Kathy (and the Police)
  • "you haven't said you want me back"
  • Lynda's desperate for bin bags
  • Blackadder for history
  • Joe's looking dapper
  • Joe's back to form
  • "now matt can just squat there"
  • "it looks as if it's the pub that's under threat"

Jamie's in trouble with Kathy

Kathy has her work cut out trying to get Jamie out of bed to school.

Later on,

"are you listening?"

("No! I'm texting")

Kathy isn't able to get Jamie to tell her where he was and what he was doing, but she's knows all too well that mischief was afoot.

"why did I think I could smell alcohol?"

Despite a respite from grumpy Jamie for the last few weeks, he's back on top form. Not only refusing to talk about whether he was drinking or not, he then turns it on Kathy after noting the wine in the kitchen (Kathy had "a couple" with Pat)

Cheeky wee lad.

"get off my back"

"just get over it will you!"

Ah, the sweet melodic lyrics of a teenager backed into a corner.

Of course, Kenton doesn't help matters by calling Jamie on his mobile ...

Kenton's in trouble with Kathy (and the Police)

... and where Kathy thinks Kenton called Jamie to boast and make fun of the fact he'd spent some time in Police cells the night before, Kenton thinks he's being responsible letting Jamie know that he can't meet him later on.

That'll be because of the hangover.

It might be said that Kenton didn't exactly use his experience as a warning to Jamie about getting into serious trouble:

"harmless ... had a run in with the police"

Which Jamie sees as no big deal, as all Kenton had done was to be a "bit lippy", got locked up for just a couple of hours and didn't get charged.

Of course, Kathy doesn't see it that way. She thinks Kenton was bragging to Jamie about being arrested, especially as he's been in touch with Jamie but not her.

Kathy does have a point that Jamie's gone back to being "rude and aggressive" since Kenton moved out, and although she shouldn't put all of the blame for that onto Kenton (it takes two to split up), Kenton's behaviour is hardly going to help get Jamie back on track.

After all, if it's alright for Kenton to stay out and get arrested, Jamie staying out and not getting arrested is (in a teen's mind) no big deal.

So we're back at an impasse. Kathy blames Kenton. Kenton doesn't see what he's done wrong. Jamie's going loopy in-between.

But then we got to the crux of Kenton moving out ...

"you haven't said you want me back"

I couldn't believe I was hearing that right.

What a nerve!

Kathy’s lambasting Kenton for being a bad role model/father to Jamie, Kenton then turns that into Kathy only wanting him for Jamie's sake.

"obvious you don’t need me for anything else ... you haven't said you want me back"

Which Kathy responds with (after first laughing):

"Are you serious!?! ... Is that what you're expecting ... me begging to have you back ... you're wrong!"

So it would seem Kenton thought he'd moved out for a few days, Kathy would realise how much she adored and wanted him, and would ask him to come back.

Aye right Kenton! Have you been somewhere else for the last few months? Have you not heard Kathy saying (over and over again) that you've been rubbish as a partner, rubbish as a dad, immature, irresponsible ... (etc etc etc)

Kathy will not have Kenton back

"until you grow up"


That's going to be a long wait then.

As I've already said, fault lays on both sides, but it was good to hear Kathy finally putting her foot down.

Kenton's going to have to make a real decision rather than letting Kathy make the decision for them.

Either he does grow up, or he wants his new Jaxx life more than he wants Kathy and Jamie.

I think I know which path he’ll take.

Lynda's desperate for bin bags

Finding the bird hide wrecked, yet again, Lynda's on a mission.

Seemingly the "foliage" is also damaged this time (they were swinging on trees ... I suppose there isn't that much to do in Ambridge when you're a teen!).

I'd be terrified if I was Jamie and his mates. Once Lynda locks her mind into a task, it'll get done to her satisfaction.

Which means Jamie might be following Kenton into Police custody sooner rather than later.

Blackadder for history

I think I agree with Jamie that going to school for history isn't that a priority if the lesson only involved watching an episode of Blackadder.

As groovy as that sounds, it's not quite the three r's.

Joe's looking dapper

Taking his position as veg judge very seriously, Joe's had his beard professionally trimmed.

Rather than getting Clarrie to do it.

Which I can only assume Clarrie's heartbroken about (!), especially as that leaves her with just his toenails to care for ...

"I'm setting the bar high this year"

As Jennifer and Lynda remarked, it's great to see Joe taking this seriously.

Though how long his sense of righteous authority will last is anyone's guess ...

Joe's back to form

... oh, that lasted approximately 5 minutes then!

Heading round to Jim's, Joe tries to be bribed.

After sorting out who Socrates was (Joe swore blind that he used to be the captain of Brazil's football team), Joe offers Jim

"the benefits of my advice"

in return for a "drop" of brandy.

Of course, "professor" Jim isn't one to play underhand, and refuses Jim's offer.

"more than confident you'll recognise the superiority of my onions on Sunday"

Question is - as Jim and Joe are passing pals, why the need for Joe to have to bribe Jim for a drink? Is Jim that stingy?!?

"now matt can just squat there"

Not quite an image I want to take to my grave, but it's an image also causing Brian nightmares.

Not even able to enjoy the shoot (as Benedict will be there, who, if he hears about Matt's "ransom strip" could pull the whole mart project from Brian), Brian's ploy of having a staring contest with Matt doesn't seem to be doing his nerves any good.

"it was going to be my crowning achievement"

"now matt can just squat there for no other reason that his amusement"

So Matt wants Lilian on BL's board - Brian (and the rest of the board) think Lilian will merely be Matt's puppet - the rest of the board would rather lose the project (and the profit) than have Matt's influence on the board again - but Brian is increasingly sounding desperate to have the project go ahead.

Hm. Rock and a hard place.

Even Jennifer's not having her usual reaction (to take Brian's side against every and anyone)

"sick and tired of business interfering with family"

So we won't have the screaming rows and weeks of silence between Jennifer and Lilian.

Looks like Brian's very much on his own with this one.

"now it looks as if it's the pub that's under threat"

Jennifer finally catches up on the gossip.

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Thursday, 16 September 2010

The Archers Thurs 16th Sept 2010: Jamie, Kathy and Kenton on the lash

The Archers: Jamie shouts at Kathy (prt 500974) ... Kathy and Kenton start to see that maybe they're not love's late-fifties dream ... that's who the litter louts are ...Nigel and Kenton 'go large'

  • "Maybe I am just a miserable old trout"
  • "You've been a cow"
  • So is it Kathy's or Kenton's fault?
  • Oh Nigel. You know that's not a good idea.
  • Good lad Daniel, bad lad Jamie
  • Beer before wine, you'll feel fine - wine before beer ...

"Maybe I am just a miserable old trout"

So how many of us were nodding as Kathy said that?

And also when she said

"Am I so terrible to live with?"

Once again getting tea and sympathy from Pat (though this time wine was involved), Kathy's still furious with Kenton, though doesn't seem too perturbed that he hasn't contacted her.

At least Kathy is starting to work out why Kenton's run away from her. She answered her own question of

"'time away' from what? ... for god sake!"

"You've been a cow"

Boy, was Kathy being made out to be a real animal today!

Jamie let rip at Kathy, this time telling a few more home truths than was comfortable for her.

Accusing Kathy of driving Kenton away, Jamie thinks he's lost both Sid and Kenton - with Kenton at least being better at "not prying" in comparison to Kathy.

Kathy really can't win (a teenage lad never wants his mum hanging around, asking if he's okay), but maybe there is something there. Whereas Kathy's been suffocating, Kenton's been laid back and matey.

"he's not even related to dad"

Which was also a fair point when it came to why Kenton didn't go to Sid's funeral in New Zealand.

"making him pay ever since"

And another fair point.

"make everyone just as miserable as you"

But that's the voice of a grumpy teenager speaking.

I still think Kenton should have gone to the funeral to support Kathy and Jamie, but it has to be said that both Kenton and Kathy have been behaving horribly to each other.

I don't know how may more times we'll have to sit through their dramas, but surely it's time for the split?

So is it Kathy's or Kenton's fault?

Kenton's moved out blaming Kathy - Kathy blames Kenton for moving out - Jamie blames Kathy for driving Kenton away.

Oh deary me.

BUT, it sounded like both Kathy and Kenton were starting to realise that they're not just meant to be.

Bemoaning Kenton's rather juvenile spirit

"poker ... tattoo ... ridiculous car ... now that stupid bar"

what used to attract Kathy, or rather she put down as "impulsive", just makes her have to

"act like Kenton's mother".

And as Kathy said, having to be a mum to your partner as well as your son isn't entirely what every 57 year old woman dreams of.

"he used to make me feel young and alive. Now I just feel exhausted"

"really not sure it's what i need anymore"

On the other side of the fence is Kenton, who Nigel manages to get to talk about Kathy.

All Kenton could mutter was something about how his

"reaction to everything isn't just going to hold my heads in my hands and just moan"

and that he might have just stayed with Kathy out of guilt.


So, Kathy's starting to take on that she might have some blame (though how long that will last, I don't know), and is also starting to see their relationship for what it is.

Utterly dire.

Whereas Kenton is still focusing on Kathy as the bad person, but he is at least also thinking that they're relationship isn't quite right.

Oh Nigel. You know that's not a good idea

As Kenton was quizzing Nigel on how he and Elizabeth manage to keep their spark, Nigel somehow manages to agree to Kenton helping him out.

After saying:

"i just wake up every morning want to make her happy"

(aw, isn't he just gorgeous!)

Nigel explains that he also likes to surprise Elizabeth.

Like the one he's organising for their wedding anniversary. Which will involve transforming their dining room, a butler and "petit four round a roaring fire".

Problem is he needs to get Elizabeth out of the house so that he can setup.

Which Kenton was glad to volunteer his services for.

Which means he'll make a mess of it, making Elizabeth furious and Nigel very sad.

Kenton. Please just don't.

Good lad Daniel, bad lad Jamie

Could this be a taste of what's to come for Ambridge's young folks?

It's Jamie, Daniel (and some lad called Martin), plus a bunch of other grunting teenage lads, who've been misusing the new bird hide and leaving litter/bottles/cigarette butts all over the place.


"give us the fags"

"we're going to really get wrecked"

"down in one"

"we're going to mash this place up"

(sorry to interrupt - but just exactly what does that pertain to? When Ambridge does 'youth', I feel like a pensioner ...and I must also say that one does not expect to eavesdrop on Ambridge and hear popular disco music *shudder*)


"my parents will want to know where I've been"


"don't be such a wuss"


"It's not funny, Jamie! You're going to get caught"


"fine Mr goody goody ... no-one cares about me, i can do whatever i like!"

And there we have it. Daniel's a nice boy, worried about his parents worrying and not wanting to get into trouble.

Jamie's a damaged wee lad who's going to create havoc for himself.

Let's hope Ed catches him in the act again, and is able to sort him out properly this time before he does some serious damage to his life.

Beer before wine, you'll feel fine - wine before beer ...

... and you'll feel queer.


(could that be Kenton's problem? I had heard that he was, at one point, supposed to come back from the Merchant Navy to then come out. Hmmm)

Like father like stepson, Kenton's also getting "trashed". But unlike Jamie, who won't listen to that nice boy Daniel, Kenton has the ever resilient Nigel to keep him right.

Well, at least Nigel has a go. But, as per usual, doesn't manage to stop Kenton's antics.

I once again found myself falling head over heels for Nigel as he expresses his concern that Kenton might have broken a bollard (is that possible?).

But alas. All effort was in vain as Nigel closed today's antics with:

"Food evening Officer ... does there seem to be a problem?"