Monday, 31 May 2010

31st May 2010

  • It’s a wicket that’s sticky
  • “She’s got her reputation to consider”

It’s a wicket that’s sticky

Oh the drama! The excitement! The Sticky Wicket!!!

Hotly anticipated (!), it’s finally time for the sticky wicket competition.

Actually, it was made a bit more of an event with Harry’s move into the Bull to make sure he could play – which, of course, has resulted in an even more surly and angry Jazzer.
“How English can you get? Sportsman like! Get out there and win!!!”

Said a rather over enthusiastic Jazzer to Tom. Desperate for Tom to beat Harry, Jazzer had backed the wrong mule this time.

So Harry romps it in front of a huge club of fans, and gathers a few new fans on the making.

“Harry is just what this village needs - did you see that boy play?”

Looks like Harry won’t be leaving Ambridge anytime soon. Sorry about that Jazzer.

“She’s got her reputation to consider”

And you’re clutching at straws, Mr McCreary.

30th May 2010

  • Now I’m really worried for Sid
  • Nachos!
  • David forgets he has three kids

Now I’m really worried for Sid

When I heard Jolene talking to Fallon, I thought to myself that they must have just got back from New Zealand.

Of course – they haven’t even been yet!

Jolene has been super silent for a while now, but Sid has turned into a silent character.

“It’s not as if I’m never going to see you again”

Yikes. Ominous and a tad concerning …


I was thinking that I’d be one of the Bull’s punters to complain about my Sunday Roast being replaced by Nachos – but then realised that I too probably would have been more than placated with a few margaritas.

And that’s why you can trust Lilian to rise to the occasion. Just give her a few bottles of booze, and she could calm a rioting mob.

David forgets he has three kids

Josh was complaining a while back that David and Ruth only had time for Pip – but what about Ben?

David knew that Josh was out, and had been trying to get Pip to spend some ‘quality’ time with home and Ruth. He only realised that Ben wasn’t even in the house when Ruth mentioned it.

It’s that sort of behaviour that will make Ben a tricky chap in the future (hurrah!).

28th May 2010

  • With such charming company, I won’t even notice I can’t escape
  • You don’t pass quit as close to a herd of cows as I do
  • Oh Helen – sorry …

With such charming company, I won’t even notice I can’t escap

Round two for Lilian/Matt Vs Brian/ Jennifer

All seemed to be a bit more civilised, with event Jennifer wondering whether prison has changed him.

I thought it was a bit ominous that Matt was a bit jumpy over Lilian’s mention of their business. Trying to pass it off as just something they chat about to ‘wile away the evenings’, is he being so secretive for reasons bigger than just that he can’t formally run a company?

Is Brian right that Matt is just using Lilian? Is Matt ‘just protecting his investment’?

You don’t pass quit as close to a herd of cows as I do

Oh dear. You know that something is mightily amiss with a relationship when you start having to leave each other notes.

It is indeed a bit ridiculous that Brenda and Tom run out of milk when (as they said) Tom’s dad is a dairy farmer, and Brenda’s a milkman. And there’s also no excuse for not having Tom’s Sausages, Helen’s cheese, veg from Bridge Farm etc etc etc

I know that it’s like being in a rural place, and not finding the time to do the shopping. But, that’s why god invented chest freezers...

Something’s got to give between Tom and Brenda.

Oh Helen – sorry …

Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with Helen’s decision to have a baby, it’s hard to not feel sorry for her when even her own brother can’t muster any joy or enthusiasm.

Still. He is Tom. What could we expect?

Friday, 28 May 2010

27th May 2010

  • Suet should look more exciting?
  • Ma puir wee lassies
  • You can always depend on Ian
  • “Do you think I cannae read either?!?”

Suet should look more exciting?

Bless wee Nic. She’s a brave one taking on a whole pudding for the first time.

Mind you, she’s a brave one taking on Mr Will Grundy. He’s been very quiet of late, but he’ll be back soon enough to punch Ed, or moan about the lack of space for his birds, or the way George is being brought up.

It’s good that Nic is getting out and about. Could this be the start of something else?

Ma puir wee lassies

If anyone is going to stand up to Tom’s Sausages when he gets in a shouty mood, it’ll be Jazzer.

Woe betide the person who spends more time worrying about machinery than worrying about Jazzer’s lassies!

I almost expected Jazzer to take them home for a cuddle after their “nasty experience”.

But I shouldn’t make fun. It’s always good to be reminded that most livestock handlers actually do give a hoot about their animals.

You can always depend on Ian

Regardless of what anyone thinks about Helen’s pregnancy, thank goodness that she has Ian for genuine support.

“That’s the best news ever”

And he meant it.

It was also nice to hear someone reacting to Helen’s news as they should when told that someone is pregnant. Refreshing stuff.

But, just when you thought it was all nice and normal – Helen comes out with:

“I’ll love it – look after it – and be in its life forever”

Oh dear.

Maybe this is what Helen was “meant to do” with her life, but it still feels quite eerie to hear an expectant mum put so much weight on her as-yet-to-be-born child’s shoulders.

We all know what happens when a parent is too demanding and needy with their kid. Just how many serial killers started off being emotionally smothered?

“Do you think I cannae read either?!?”

Oh Jazzer. You’re being a right sod.

Physically putting yourself on the sofa between Harry and Fallon (which is what I imagine will happen) isn’t going to stop anything happening, if that’s what they want.

And getting agro over Harry having “his hands” on the flat pack won’t do your any favours.

Though Fallon’s reasons for you not watching the DVD were a bit poor, can ye no take a hint?

Still. Classic Jazzer moment:

“Is that the way he spends his evenings? Wood work?”


Wednesday, 26 May 2010

26th May 2010

  • Oh no. no. no no no no no no no NO!
  • But wait – this is Helen we’re talking about
  • It’s really happening
  • It was me who messed up
  • Yes David. That’s called paranoia.

Oh no. no. no no no no no no no NO!

I know there’s probably many of us delighted to hear that Helen is pregnant,

but I was shouting ‘no’ to every Helen ‘yes’.

But wait – this is Helen we’re talking about

As she said herself:

“I didn’t think I could be this lucky. I thought something would go wrong again”

Which is highly ominous.

Seriously. Has anything, ever, gone right when Helen’s been happy?

Or will this be a first?

It’s really happening

Very early days yet, but it would seem so.

I do feel sorry for poor Tony. He’s no choice but to be:

“Glad you're happy”

And bless him for trying to show he cares by making sure Helen went to work without crashing her car.

Or, was just a ploy to get her as far away from you as possible?
“I try to be a good dad – which is more than the baby will get”

Will Tony ever come to accept this?

It was me who messed up.

Is that the words of a young girl becoming a responsible woman – or just Pip trying to cover Jude’s arse again?

She’s right that it was her fault. She could have said no, despite all of Jude’s pathetic pleading.

Still, first love will make a fool out of you.

Yes David. That’s called paranoia.

Fair enough to get angry with Elizabeth for telling you what’s what with your daughter, but do you seriously think Jude could get Elizabeth to try and talk you round? Jude just doesn’t have the class, intelligence or stamina.

I absolutely agree with Elizabeth that you’re:

“Completely irrational on the subject”

Though why Elizabeth is taking this all so seriously is beyond me.

“Someone's got to be there for Pip”

Did I miss something, or is Pip just a teenage lass, having her first real relationship, while discovering that her parents aren’t all necessarily right?

So why all the fuss from Elizabeth? She’s acting like Pip is doing drugs.

25th May 2010

  • The pigs still love Jazzer
  • Amateur error, Pip
  • Is Tom the new Matt Crawford?
  • My daughter might be pregnant. Please talk to me about anything else.
  • Of course it’s all David’s fault!

The pigs still love Jazzer

Which I’m sure is of great comfort to him.

Amateur error, Pip

You need to be a bit obsessive about important ‘where and when’ happenings, and I’m sure we’ve all got the time of an exam/job interview/meeting etc wrong – but it’s hard to have sympathy for wee whiny Pip right now.

She’s lucky she’s got Elizabeth to help sort her out.

Is Tom the new Matt Crawford?

Did I hear that right? Was Tom passing off Vicky’s idea of veal and ham pie as his own?

Cheeky monkey!

I don’t think Tom quite has the brains to pull off s stunt that would be better suited to Matt (or even Brian).

And I can’t quite see Vicky taking this quietly ….

My daughter might be pregnant. Please talk to me about anything else.

So we’ll all find out this week if Helen is pregnant.

I have a spot of sympathy for Tony. But it’s not going to go away, my friend.

Will she, won’t she?!?

Of course it’s all David’s fault!

Poor David is now going to have Elizabeth on his back about his attitude to Jude.

Elizabeth is right that his approach has made Pip distant from him – but Pip not telling her folks about missing her exam isn’t quite down to David. That’d be Pi’s fault for not checking the time, and going out partying with her manboy.

“Leave it alone Lizzy”

It doesn’t look likely, Nigel. And if you don’t watch Elizabeth’s step, you might find that Jude and Pip end up under your roof, and quite squarely your problem.

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

24th May 2010

  • At least the Vicar approves
  • Sid and Jolene: new careers as silent characters?
  • I love Matt

At least the Vicar approves

That’s always the best way to win the village’s approval in these modern times – just get the local vicar to approve.

With Alan onside, and Shula happy about the new charity side to the Sticky Wicket, what’s Jazzer going to find to complain about now? I'm sure he'll find something. That Harry just isn't going to find any peace away from that jealous wee Scotsman.

Sid and Jolene: new careers as silent characters?

What’s happened to them?

Jolene was heard to mutter a few words to Fallon some weeks ago, but Sid hasn’t been heard of for many a day.

Maybe they’re too busy packing.

I love Matt

And there you have it. The reason why Paul hasn’t won Lilian, and why she’s sticky with her Tiger.

In saying that, Lilian really shouldn’t be trying to call Paul, and Jennifer was absolutely right in being appalled that Lilian is trying to make all three of them friends.

I think prison has changed Matt, making him realise how important Lilian is.

And he even wants to than Brian and Jennifer. Properly.

Who’d have ever thought we’d have seen the day!?!

But how long will he last like that? How long before the pound signs take him over?

Monday, 24 May 2010

23rd May 2010

  • Matt gets all angry
  • … but if you want to leave a message, that’s cool
  • Then Matt chooses to ignore it

Matt gets all angry

I know Matt doesn’t have a majority of fans out there, but I’ll admit I took a lot of pleasure hearing him get back to his old feisty self. Especially as it was directed at Paul (I just can’t seem to find anything to like about him).

Starting out with ‘stay away from Lilian’

Moving onto ‘I know that your plan is’

Then bringing in the insults:

“Are you deaf as well as stupid!?!”

Matt’s had the best stab yet at working out what Paul’s cunning plan could have been. It does make sense that he could have known that Matt was in prison (though the newspapers and his local contacts). The ‘family’ knew that Matt and Lilian had money. So what better time to head over and offer a comforting shoulder?

But is that true?

Paul didn’t seem to be ‘dripping poison’, but do we think that his last minute attempt to pry Lilian away from Matt was genuine? Or was that just another step in a much longer plan???

I think so. When Matt pushed Paul though saying:

“A more red blooded male might have tried to get her into bed”

and ascertaining that he wouldn’t have even had the chance,

Paul came back with

“You think I didn’t?”

Now that’s hardly the words of a man who genuinely loves Lilian. If he did, he wouldn’t be trying to cause problems for her, especially through mentioning the night at the hotel.

I think that’s an attempt to put his cunning plan into action – or am I being cynical? Does he just want Matt to dump Lilian so that he can be with her?

Maybe it’s not just Matt who takes after their mum. There’s more than one way to be a bully, and protect your own interests. I don’t think Paul is as white as he paints himself to be.

… but if you want to leave a message, that’s cool

Oh my giddy aunt – I don’t think I can find any new way to express what an utter wanker Jude is.

Pip has to get a grip soon – her ability to find excuses for Jude’s behaviour must be starting to ring false even to herself.

She’s also starting to sound like him mum. A grown man shouldn’t need to be told he could have borrowed a mobile to call her – and a grown man shouldn’t have left his behind because he was so giddily excited to be going away with his mates.

Silly lass is now going clubbing the night before an exam, just to keep a complete waste-of-space-manboy like Jude interested.

Oh the shame. The shame …

Then Matt chooses to ignore it
“It enough for me to see why it would be hard for him to say goodbye”

As expected, Matt’s worked out that there was more to Lilian and Paul than just family.

He’s right that Lilian was lonely and needed someone – though I don’t think she was only interested in Paul as a ‘lame dog’

And her fantasy certainly wasn’t about the three of them being a happy family. Though I suppose it could have involved the three of them in a different scenario …

So we believe Matt when he says that he realises how lucky he is, and would never put Lilian through something like that again?

More importantly, will his pride really let him put Lilian and Paul back into the past???

Or, will Paul make sure that he can’t forget?

21st May 2010

  • Text me good luck when you get this
  • You will have a business partner you can trust completely
  • Difference between couldn’t and wouldn’t

Text me good luck when you get this

Oh dear.

Pip really just doesn’t get it.

She’s making all Jude’s excuses for him, not realising that he’s just being a selfish arse (again!).

Still, I reckon most of us can see a wee bit of ourselves in Pip – continuing to see someone when they blatantly don’t give a hoot.

She’ll be able to see all of that when they finally split up.

Though judging by her kowtowing, I can see that happening anytime soon.

You will have a business partner you can trust completely

Although Matt was still trying to wriggle out of using Lilian’s name/money without her direct involvement, her stiletto is firmly down.

He has a point about working with your partner, and how it can overtake all of your personal life. But he simply isn’t going to get Lilian to agree to anything less than a full partnership.

And I can see if working. If he behaves himself.

However, it was a bit much for Lilian to go on about:
“You will have a business partner you can trust completely – won’t be looking over your shoulder for the knife”

when she’s not quite been taking his wishes into account lately.

Maybe Lilian genuinely thinks she hasn’t done anything wrong in seeing Paul.

Difference between couldn’t and wouldn’t

So Lilian does the ‘right’ thing again, and tells Matt about going to his mum’s funeral, and seeing Paul.

Well, not quote. It was a highly abridged edition.

Matt was quite rightly furious (after he had told her that he wanted nothing to do with his family), but Lilian just won’t let it lie.
“what part of don’t go don’t you understand”

Matt couldn’t go to the funeral, but also wouldn’t have gone if he could.

I think he’s partly right in seeing Lilian’s motivations as being all about ‘happy families’ – but we obviously know that Paul became the reason why and how.

She was pushing her luck in saying:

“People who share blood and genes, and care about you”

as if blood and genes ever automatically also switch on a caring attitude.

And managed to trip herself up when she mentioned that Paul was nice, kind and working in Websterbridge.

Matt’s not daft. Her insistence that he meets Paul even just once is bound to backfire, and is a bit of a perplexing mission considering what Paul could say to Matt.

Shouldn’t she just her time with Paul into her shoebox and move on?

Friday, 21 May 2010

20th May 2010

  • Susan sounds heartfelt
  • Tom manages to get some menus
  • Pip still doesn’t see it

Susan sounds heartfelt

Coy about her firsthand experience of prison, Susan also sounded heartfelt about her irritation at being cornered by Vicky.

You could say it was her own fault for insisting Vicky watched her doing a sale at the village shop – but has she met her match? Does Vicky outtalk Susan?

Tom manages to get some menus

Hurrah to Roy for giving Tom a hard time

“The days when women had supper on the table for their men went out with the ark – get your butt in gear and get organised”

Though ‘butt’ surely should have been arse? It sounded very odd coming from a country lad like Roy.

Mind you, Brenda sounded happy enough with her man’s ability to hunt and forage for food (albeit at the pub).

Does Tesco’s not deliver to Ambridge? The food shortage could be solved with a few clicks on the computer (though with a heavy conscience)

Pip still doesn’t see it

It’s obviously going to be a long time before Pip sees Jude for what he is.

After his recent behaviour over her studying, why on earth does she think that he’ll have given even more than a second’s thought about whether she needs cheering up?

And as for Jude taking Pip somewhere special … the ‘man’ doesn’t have a clue!

It’ll be warm cans of cheap larger at a mates party. Pip won’t like it, but she’ll more than likely lump it.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

19th May 2010

  • Dreaded looking like Fanny Craddock
  • What you know about cricket you could write on the back of a fag pack and still have room for War and Peace
  • Brian’s on form
  • You grow the flipping things!

Dreaded looking like Fanny Craddock

I’m sure that’s something we all worry about. Daily.

What you know about cricket you could write on the back of a fag pack and still have room for War and Peace

Harsh Mr Tom’s Sausages (but probably all too true about Jazzer)

Brian’s on form

Forced to partake in cocktails at The Dower House with Matt and Lilian, Brian’s on top-notch form:

“I would rather stick pins in my eyes”

“All that fresh air, I expect” (on Jennifer’s comment to Matt that he was looking good)

“It was like skiing uphill” (at the end of their evening)

“He’s even cagier now than when he was put away – I wouldn’t trust him with a library book”

According to Brian and Jennifer, Matt and Lilian look rock solid. At the moment …

You grow the flipping things!

Second week into her new job, and the cracks are becoming huge between Tom and Brenda.

Why Brenda started cooking everything at the weekend for the week I’ll never know – is Tom completely bereft of any culinary skills? Or is he just lazy? Or has Brenda confused modern day living with a 1950s housewife role?

So while Brenda’s handing out samples (“like being back in a burger van with heels”), Tom can’t even get it together enough to have spuds or veg in the house. Which he grows.

“I’m so tired I’ll tell you where to stuff them”

Quite right Brenda. But you did create this situation by being such a doormat.

I don’t think they’ll be setting their wedding date anytime soon.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

18th May 2010

  • The gift that keeps on giving
  • The corkscrew has moved, but brandy upstairs ….
  • Ask Kenton about the Sticky Wicket
  • Did I hear silage mentioned?

The gift that keeps on giving

Never mind Eddie and Joe – the good was going while David didn’t know about it.

Of course he has right on his side, but didn’t he seem a bit pompous?

Casting up is never a good thing, and telling someone they only got the job because of you doing a good deed is a tad off-hand. Didn’t Eddie have a part to play in it?

Still – one cannot step on the reputation of Saint David, and he did at least pre-warn Eddie so that he wasn’t fired.


The corkscrew has moved, but brandy upstairs …

I know Matt doesn’t have that many fans out there, but I was glad to see him back at home with his Pusscat.

New robe, long shower, good food, a garden to relax in and a lovely woman to share it with.

A happy, fruity sounding Lilian. Just as we like her.

Ask Kenton about the Sticky Wicket

Seriously, I’ve said it before – but does anyone ever say anything nice about Kenton, or take an interest in him?

Did I hear silage mentioned?

That, and the Sticky Wicket, must mean that summer has started.

17th May 2010

  • Shouldn’t Vicky’s optimism be a good thing?
  • A bacon roll and a mineral water wouldn’t see ma granny through Jeremy Kyle
  • I’m fond of you …

Shouldn’t Vicky’s optimism be a good thing?

Well, it should.

So why does her never ending ability to look on the bright side annoy everyone and anyone?

It might be that she’s inappropriate – Lilian was hardly going to thank her for pointing out that Matt’s tag was a good thing as it’d lead to cuddles and wine

It might be that it’s based on an incomplete understanding – Tom makes organic sausages. Where do veal pies fit into that – even with a hint of ham?

Or, it could just be that Vicky’s optimism is an excuse for her to bully and command all she surveys.

The jury is out – until ‘it’ (whatever it is) happens.

A bacon roll and a mineral water wouldn’t see ma granny through Jeremy Kyle

Quite right Jazzer.

She’s need a tin of Irn Bru instead of the water.

I’m fond of you …

Ouch. That just isn’t something you want to hear from the one you’ve just told that you love them.

So – Paul loves Lilian – Lilian wanted to be desired, and thinks Paul is an open, generous, strong and warm man – but values his friendship – and sees her future life as being with Matt.

So Lilian’s made her choice, but is that the end of it?

What about Jennifer and Brian knowing about the whole frisson?

How will Lilian explain she’s even seen Paul, let alone that he’s been in the house, stayed overnight with her at a hotel, fixed her mum’s cooker …

And – what will Paul’s next step be? Will he try another angle? Tell Matt himself?

Or did he have an ulterior motive all along???

Either way, I’m glad the night in the hotel proved to be barren. That just wasn’t Lilian’s style.

16th May 2010

  • Sticky Wicket Bullying
  • Seriously. You can’t say ‘no’ to Vicky
  • The bull or an early night?
  • Matt scores the decider, with only one night to go

Sticky Wicket Bullying

Yup. It’s Alistair bullying about the sticky wicket. Again.

Seriously. You can’t say ‘no’ to Vicky

Mike couldn’t.

Brenda failed.

Ed’s going to hate to use that adjustable spanner to make her listen.

And even the normally self-serving Tom couldn’t stop Vicky’s march forwards.

The bull or an early night?

Tom wants the bull, Brenda wants an early night – but it’s all academic as Brenda has to do the cooking for the week.

Fast forward 20 years into their marriage. Tom is down the pub. Brenda is doing the dishes after cooking Sunday lunch, coping with their 5 kids, wondering where he career, opportunity and life went …

Mind you, that’s assuming Tom even managed to get Brenda down the aisle. Doesn’t look too good at the moment.

And Matt scores the decider, with only one night to go

Was that me, or did Matt sound like a completely different man?

Not sure if he has a great councillor, priest or cellmate inside, but he must be talking to someone who is helping him to notice his mistakes, and apologise for them before he causes any real damage.

And it appeared to be heartfelt.

He’s an idiot. Realised his mistake. Called himself an idiot. Told Lilian that it was her he wanted to come home to. And even realised that he couldn’t take Lilian for granted.

Whether that was all for real or not, Matt could have just grasped Lilian away from Paul, with only seconds left of injury time.

14th May 2010

  • Lycra and six packs
  • Now you’ve got to shut up and listen to me
  • “Whatever finesse means”
  • “Put the pie veal into the pie”

Lycra and six packs

So Jazzer reckons Harry

“persuaded her to let him move in”
And he also feels hard done by that Fallon never asked him to move in.

Ach Jazzer. Get a grip, dinnae fash about Harry and play it calm wae Fallon.

Otherwise, you’re in danger of being a real pain, not far removed from the behaviour of a certain Miss Pip Archer …

Now you’ve got to shut up and listen to me

Atta a girl Lilian! If Matt won’t stop to think about you, make him

Still – considering Matt doesn’t believe even Peggy and Ted are just good friends, you’ve no chance of persuading him about yourself and Paul.

“Whatever finesse means”

Ah. Thanks for the clarification there Tom. There was me thinking you were a cultured, educated guy.

Mind you, the fact that you’re still moaning about Brenda having to do all her ironing and the cooking for the week on one of her days off speaks volumes.

If I were you, I’d keep an eye out for Brenda having to ‘work late’ on a regular basis – especially when all you can offer is a night at the bull. While I reckon a quiet night in at the local is the perfect Friday night – that’s probably because my village doesn’t even have a local – and I’m not a 20-something like Brenda.

Also watch out for not being sensitive around Helen. She’s only going to get worse, and worse, and worse, and worse ….

“Put the pie veal into the pie”

Seriously – shouldn’t Vicky go onto Dragons’ Den? She’d be marvellous.

Vicky has a great sense of when a customer is, or isn’t, going to buy.

And her product development is second to none.

Still. She can be very, very persuasive. Just ask Mike …

Thursday, 13 May 2010

13th May 2010

  • Grundy’s Field Campsite
  • It’s not worth it Eddie!
  • South Africa just doesn’t compare to Felpersham
  • “Oh thank God” that’s Jude’s car

Grundy’s Field Campsite

For once, the Grundy’s are right and Brian is wrong.

Though I doubt that have done the Health and Safety checks – you can set-up a campsite with minimal facilities.

So what’s next?

Someone hurts themselves and they get sued? Wild stag parties that create havoc by trying to cow tip? The cows revolt and stampede through the campers? Floods? Joe selling his cider then getting arrested for having no licence?

It’s not worth it Eddie!

You’ll get caught – fired – then in major trouble with Clarrie.

Your dad Joe is just like having a devil on your shoulder.

South Africa just doesn’t compare to Felpersham

Sorry Kate. But it has to be utter bollocks that only Felpersham has the right course.

Still, can’t wait for the fireworks on your return!

“Oh thank God” that’s Jude’s car

Well that was something I didn’t see David ever saying.

I can see why he and Ruth felt they needed to compromise, but am truly gutted Jude is being let back onto the farm. The little swine will only think he’s won.

Still, it’s a good sign that Pip wanted to come home, and was heard to utter “my own fault.”

Maybe there’s hope yet? Or, now that she’s back at home, there’s always the ‘lock ‘em in’ solution.

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

12th May 2010

  • This Charming Man
  • Don’t they have TV in prison?
  • Now that’s a wonderful range of choices for an ex-con
  • Lovely
  • Does anyone give Kenton a break?

This Charming Man

My word – how Jennifer’s attitude to Paul has changed!

She’s gone from warning Lilian to not have anything to do with him, to being genuinely happy to see him, apologising for interrupting one of his and Lilian’s ‘moment’ and was blatantly trying to encourage Lilian’s attentions to him!

Amazing can happen when Brian gives the okay nod …

Anyhoo – Matt or Paul, Paul or Matt?

It doesn’t sound like life is going to be a heady swirl of wonders with Matt when he gets out. While I admit to not having seen The Sopranos, and have heard it’s quite superb, sitting in and watching it doesn’t sound like Lilian’s cup of gin. Especially when Paul’s shown her London, a nice hotel, and (perhaps) his …

Don’t they have TV in prison?

Or newspapers?

And didn’t the recession kick in well before Matt was banged up?

So – why on earth does he still think property will keep him in the manner he is accustomed to???

Now that’s a wonderful range of choices for an ex-con

So when Matt gets home next Tuesday, he can choose between doing nothing, pottering in the garden or playing golf.

I find it hard to see why that’s such a bad thing. Dodgy property deals, or having time to watch Midsomer Murders.



Glad to hear that Peggy has given into Ted’s charms.

That’s really quite nice, that is.

Does anyone give Kenton a break?

David’s ability to defecate on all thing’s Kenton is well known, but Elizabeth!?!

Poor Kenton. All he wanted to do was show photos of his daughter, and share his enthusiasm for the new look Jaxx.

11th May 2010

  • There’s nothing like getting pregnant with your mum 
  • Could Jude be any more of an utter w***er?

There’s nothing like getting pregnant with your mum

Each to their own, and I suppose if you are having a baby by yourself, there isn’t probably anyone better to be with you than your mum.

Especially Pat, who was heard to utter:

“She’s not pregnant – she’s just fat”

Typical Helen, but she’s massively over convinced that this first time has worked. While Pat was trying to calm her down, it’s going to be a long and painful road from conception, to birth, to toddler stage, to teens, to middle age …. *sigh*

Could Jude be any more of an utter w***er?

Honestly – whereas Vicky has superb entertainment value, Jude is simply devoid of any quality that would suggest he’s more than a one dimensional man-boy.

And poor Pip is falling for it.

She worriedly asks if she’s dull – after (what seemed like) hours of Jude berating her for studying. He tells her she’s too conscientious.

He became very shouty mcshouty – refusing to understand that Pip did need to work – getting angry for Pip apologising – making rash statements, then telling Pip to ‘Believe’ him.

And all of this over a mid-week party?!?

“Well, you’re no fun anymore”

I don’t think you’ve ever been fun, Jude.

Good on you Pip for at least standing up to his flak and not heading out with him. He’s trying to control you – wake up and accept that your dad is actually right …

10th May 2010

  • On Yersel Fallon!
  • Missed her during the cabbages
  • A day pregnant with anticipation

On Yersel Fallon!

At only the second time of meeting, you’ve managed to get Harry’s feet under your kitchen table.

Harry was

“Looking forward to seeing you padded up”

So maybe Jazzer was right to be worried?

Missed her during the cabbages

Oh for goodness sake Tom!

It’s bad enough saying that out loud, but to even think it in the first place doesn’t bode well for you and Brenda.

Quite simply, not everyone’s world revolves you, your family and your farm.

A day pregnant with anticipation

Just exactly what is going on at Helen’s NHS?

In a matter of months, she’s seen consultants, had her counselling and tests, and is off tomorrow to be impregnated.

From what I’ve experienced with friends, it can take years to even get to this stage – especially with a lack of sperm due to the fact that the child has a right to know who their biological father is when they turn 18.

Maybe there’s too much sperm in Ambridge?
“Nine months from tomorrow I shall very likely be a mum”

A shiver ran up my spine when Helen uttered that.

9th May 2010

  • Can’t Tom do the cooking?
  • Give it a wallop
  • Your Sticky Wicket needs you
  • We just don’t like Jude

Can’t Tom do the cooking?

Did I hear Brenda just say she’d done all of the cooking for the week?

I know Tom has expressed rather dated attitudes towards what he expects of a wife, but surely Brenda needs to make sure that they both share the domestic burden that her new job has created?

Not so much the modern woman after all.

Give it a wallop

And that makes for great video footage.

Jill does seem to be a natural, though. Following on from her stellar performance at Lower Loxley’s Christmas, she seems to have taken to the small screen with gusto.

Maybe she is the new Delia/Nigella/Fanny after all.

Your Sticky Wicket needs you!

It’ll be an on-going theme until the Sticky Wicket actually takes place, but, yet another year – and no-one is signing up for the sticky wicket. Again.

We just don’t like Jude

I think all of us are behind you on that one, Ruth.

“Mindless and irresponsible”

Spot on. While I don’t think he’s doing any of it on purpose, Jude is indeed deficient in all the important areas that would make him even a half decent person. No character at all.

7th May 2010

  • Would it be so terrible for a teenager to stay in on a Friday?
  • Out of the moos of cows
  • When you think of the Athenians …
  • Does Lilian want a fresh new start?
  • Pip loves Jude

Would it be so terrible for a teenager to stay in on a Friday?

Come on David.

Even though most of us would rather boil our heads than spend five minutes with Jude … you can’t honestly expect a teenager to want to stay in with their folks on a Friday night.

Out of the moos of cows

… come reconciliation between David and Pip/Jude?

Mais non mon matey – David made it clear that Jude was a great help, but only because there wasn’t anyone else.

Anyway – how did that fence get broken? Could Jude have had something to do with it?

When you think of the Athenians …

Of which, Jim, I am often found to do.

Nice to hear Ambridge had an opinion about anything to do with the election.

“some returning officers may be not returning”


“The only obstacle in Ambridge was Joe touting for his auction”

Superb. Sounds just like where I voted, which involved a 20 minute walk over stone bridges, fields and though our neighbouring village (which is a city compared to our humble hamlet). I won’t stress too much about my greyhounds accompanying me, while I was wearing my flat cap, but you get the picture …

Does Lilian want a fresh new start?

It didn’t really sound very convincing to me. Even Matt has picked up her unhappy vibes – even though he hasn’t really understood them.

Despite knowing that he can’t assume Lilian will be there to collect him from prison, he still manages to push on with ‘the business’.

Watch yourself Mr Crawford. I’m still on your side over Paul, but that sort of insensitivity will get you nowhere!

Pip loves Jude

I think we all felt David’s pain when Pip told him she loved Jude.

Silly, silly, silly lassie.

Still – she has a point that David is making her choose between Jude and the farm/her family.

If he backed off, she might just have the energy to spot what an utter pleb Jude actually is.

One can only hope.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

6th May 2010

  • On your knees mister – I want to see you grovel
  • When Fallon met Harry
  • So did Joe vote?
  • The ‘must have’ addition to any household
  • A new strategy for the Single Wicket must be found!

On your knees mister – I want to see you grovel

Oh that could have led to a whole new storyline between Fallon and Kenton.

When Fallon met Harry

How fast did she want Kenton to disappear when she saw Harry?

And again a mention of his surname – Henry Mason – looks like he won’t be disappearing anytime soon … more’s the pity for Jazzer.

So did Joe vote?

We must be told!

That hung parliament could have been tipped away by Mr Grundy Senior

The ‘must have’ addition to any household

Is seemingly an old mangle.


A new strategy for the Single Wicket must be found!

Here it comes again – I still have to check what it is – and numbers signing up are low.


5th May 2010

  • Pip a Kate-in-waiting?
  • Jill just had a loose wire
  • Ian would love to get hold of some cherries for the kitchen
  • If Paul has Jennifer and Brian on side …
  • Watch out Paul … she’s moving up from ham to steak!

Pip a Kate-in-waiting?

Or will she indeed

“come out it a sensible young woman”

Jill just had a loose wire

Jill was wishing Lilian had given her some more warning when she turned up with Paul, but she doesn’t know the half of it!

Well as Jill was hoping “he knows what he’s doing”, only Lilian knows the real truth ...

Ian would love to get hold of some cherries for the kitchen


If Paul has Jennifer and Brian on side …

“If she could just get over this blind loyalty”
“Kind and decent”

How delighted was Brian when Jennifer was saying that Paul was nice, and that Lilian should get someone better than Matt anyway!

Methinks Paul is on a ‘divide and conquer’ kick

Watch out Paul … she’s moving up from ham to steak!

“Come back afterward – I need to thank you … somehow”

Yikes. When a woman offers you steak, after previously offered you a nice slice of ham, you know you’re doing something right.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

4th May 2010

  • Jude is getting ‘inspired’
  • Sabrina can’t count?
  • Ambridge Heritage Group

Jude is getting ‘inspired’

While he may not be as callous as Leon (as far as we know), Jude’s behaviour is starting to really grate. The fact that Pip is falling for it just makes it all the more irritating.

He cares what “the guys” think.

But he couldn’t care less about Lower Loxley’s website – even though he’s studying website design. Though, does his lack of interest in work related to his studies suggest that he has some sort of trust fund? That might also explain where the car came from.

He reckons Pip is boring for studying, and isn’t quite supportive of the fact that she probably needs to study at his due to the atmosphere at home

And now he’s into film making. Of the gothic variety. I thought the Goth phase was more early teens (and isn’t it now Emo?).

Anyway – he’s so ‘inspired’ that he’s cornered Pip into staying overnight at his place.

“Who would you rather keep happy?”

Emotional blackmail of the lowest form, especially on an inexperienced lass like Pip.

David will be reaching for his shotgun any second now …

Sabrina can’t count???

Or is it just her reputation for being a bit flighty?

Very very glad that the Village Shop has worked out for Susan. It’s been lovely to have peace from her for the last wee while. I only hope it doesn’t start up again when the reality of the new Village Shop kicks in.

Ambridge Heritage Group

You cheeky monkey Joe!

“in aid of one of the oldest families in Ambridge”

was your biggest mistake. That’s way too obvious, and founding anything with ‘Group’ or ‘Committee’ was bound to get the attention of all those civic minded folks.

I wonder what rumour Oliver has in mind?

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

3rd May 2010

  • Probably turn out more like Fanny Cradock
  • Great Grundy Merchandise!
  • What’s the big deal about Kirsty?

Probably turn out more like Fanny Cradock

Could indeed – but what was Jill thinking that she might be more of a Nigella?

Deila – for sure – Fanny – most likely.

But I really can’t see Nigella’s vampish charm taking a Jill Archer form.

Still, she can but try!

Great Grundy Merchandise!

Oh aye – I thought Joe had been a bit quiet lately.

And there he is. With a pile full of (what probably is just) tat. And a scheme to make money.

Oh dear.

What’s the big deal about Kirsty?

Am I missing a subtle undertone, but what’s the big deal about Kenton being so desperate for Kirsty to work for him?

Does he want more than just a hand behind the bar?

Or is this more about Kirsty letting Sid/Jolene/Fallon and/or Helen down?

Or, something else to do with the whole bizarre Helen/Patrick/Kirsty/Tony circle?

2nd May 2010

  • The election comes to Ambridge
  • Who needs a man when you’ve got your mum
  • Pip should be strapped somewhere …
  • Paul starts work on the family

The election comes to Ambridge

In the form of an election flyer on the doormat.

Don’t politicians doorstep anymore?

Who needs a man when you’ve got your mum

Well, at least Helen can be 100% sure that Pat won’t run for the hills.

Can’t she …?

Pip should be strapped somewhere …

Not because she’s seeing Jude or (according to Ruth) not getting her College work done.

But because she’s utterly unbearable at the moment.

Amazing that she hasn’t realised that she can move out. Or, even more amazing, that David and Ruth haven’t worked that one out either.

Paul starts work on the family

He’s a crafty one indeed.

Who do we think the family will choose to back?

A seemingly nice chap, with a solid business, and who is happy to help out Lilian’s dear old mum.

Or a demonstrably dodgy geezer who has created family feuds, broken Lilian’s heart time and again and would rather make money than be part of the family.