Sunday, 31 October 2010

The Archers Sun 31st Oct 2010: The first Panto rehearsal & Halloween at The Bull

The Archers: Lynda stresses ... so does Freda ... Jolene seems happy ... Kenton is helpful

  • So it begins …
  • Black balloons and Monster mash
  • Kenton and Fallon?
  • Ambridge has gone ‘little black dress’ crazy!
  • Panto *snort* moments #2
  • Lynda forgives easily
  • Harry wins again
  • “Bonfire night was always one of Sid’s big nights”
  • The Panto cast (so far) #2

So it begins …

The Panto rehearsals begin in earnest, with Lynda being very earnest indeed.

[Lynda] “So any questions, comments criticisms …”

[Nigel] “That’s very brave Lynda!”

[Lynda] “ … I was just joking”

I’m not sure why Lynda outs herself through this (almost) every year, as she gets so tense.

She’s stressed about Nigel having to leave early. Josh being late. Vicky being a bit dim.

[Lynda] “Oh dear. This will be Oscar’s first theatrical experiences and the highlights of Coriander’s stay”

Phew! That’s a lot to ask of a village Panton Lynda.

Maybe slim down those expectations a wee bit?

Black balloons and Monster mash

It must be Halloween at The Bull.

Jolene seems to be well and truly ‘perking’ up.


She refuses the hat and cloak, but is happy to don the gloves and glittery make-up.

Is our Jolene back for good?

Kenton and Fallon?

Just a passing thought, but Kenton does seem ever so keen to help with The Bull.

I know that might be because he wants to prove himself to Jamie.

Or that he might bump into Kathy (possibly)?

But you just never know with Kenton

Ambridge has gone ‘little black dress’ crazy!

Yesterday, Nigel was trying to get Elizabeth into hers.

Today it’s Fallon encouraging Jolene.

Panto *snort* moments #2

[Nigel] “I can stick the sausages in”

[Lynda] “Puts one sausage into each other of Idle jack’s hands”

[Vicky] “Waiting for one of them to get the pie in their face”

Lynda forgives easily

After Vicky being a bit of a bad mate when she sided with Brian over the Peregrines, I’d have thought Lynda would have given her the frosty treatment for weeks to come.

But all Vicky had to do was (a) be completely oblivious to Lynda being angry at her and (b) mention ’tactics’ in relation to the Panto.

Lynda was right in there!

Harry wins again

Despite Kenton making such an effort, and Frieda being in a “Simon Cowell mood”, Harry wins the prize for best costume.

Jazzer at least had a go (by splashing tomato sauce on his shirt … which actually could have just been because Jazzer hadn’t changed his shirt from the night before). And I actually think dressing as a Hammer Horror monster shows a great taste in horror film (hurrah to 1970s horrors, ya-booo to modern slasher ones).

After a deeply tense moment:

“If daylight doesn’t kill us, the suspense will…”

As per usual, it’s Harry who ‘wows’ the crowds. Jazzer seemingly said he looked:

“like a cross between Pete Docherty and a supply teacher he once locked in a stationery cupboard”

(Fallon “Well I think you look dreamy”. Oh for goodness sake Fallon – just ask him out for a cup of tea and an iced bun already!)

Quite surprised that Freda (the sole judge) chose Harry

“I think she’d more into knitting patterns than twilight books”,

Kenton was more concerned that Jamie hadn’t been at the party.

Ah, poor Kenton.

It’s a lesson learned very late in life, but he might have at last got the point that actions have consequences.

Especially the ones involving sex.

“Bonfire night was always one of Sid’s big nights”


Maybe Jolene isn’t quite over Sid yet.

Are we going to remember the 5th of November?

The Panto cast (so far) #2

Jill: fairy beau bells

Vicky: Mrs Fitzwarren

Sabrina: Whittington’s cat

Nigel: Sarah the Cook (The Dame)

Harry: Idle Jack

Richard Thwaite: King Rat

Nathan Booth: Rate Henchman 1

Eddie: Rat Henchman 2

Jim: The Imperial Majesty

(but still no Dick or Alice!)

Robert and Neil constructing the sets

Daniel is helping with set and lighting

And Vicky is going to work on getting Mike to act (“It’s be great fun getting to play husband and wife”)

But still looking for two leading ladies …

Fallon? For

“A girl who can really belt out big numbers for the part of Dick”

Brenda as her lady love?

Saturday, 30 October 2010

The Archers Fri 29th Oct 2010: The Panto auditions

The Archers: the Odd Couple’s House meeting … it’s ‘no’ to the Peregrines … Eddie doesn’t want to be a rat …Nigel does want to be a Dame … Elizabeth just isn’t any fun at all

  • Jazzer and Harry’s house meeting
  • Lynda’s hoping for dead pigeons
  • Panto *snort* moments #1
  • “How come he gets to be the dame?”
  • “I know who Van Helsing is … I just didn’t realise he looked like Nigel”
  • “I’ve got more to worry about than your irrational hatred of Nathan booth”
  • Does smoking out of the window count?
  • The Panto cast (so far) #1

Jazzer and Harry’s house meeting

That seemed to go quite well.

£20 for the kitty, and Jazzer agrees to do a bit of cleaning.

Could this Odd Couple actually work out?

Later on, Jazzer even says to Harry, as he’s off out clubbing:

“Sweet dreams darling … don’t wait up”

(*snort*! He did say that sarcastically)

Panto *snort* moments #1

[Jazzer to Harry] “Off you, go trixi bell”

[Harry to Jazzer] “Titchy dwarf”

[Eddie on Sabrina being a cat] “Pussy galore?”

[Lynda in reply to the above] “No. .. Tom”
[Eddie, still on about Sabrina being a cat] “She can tickle your whiskers any day, eh Nigel!”

Lynda’s hoping for dead pigeons

It was a ‘no’ to the Peregrines, so Lynda is fuming and wishing dead matter falls on all the naysayers heads.

Ah that Lynda. You can always depend on her to be magnanimous in defeat.

“How come he gets to be the Dame?”

Poor Eddie.

He read for Idle Jack, but has ended up a Rat.

Well, Second rat.

Actually Rat Henchman Two.

With Nathan Booth as Rat Henchman One.

And Richard Thwaite as King Rat.

Eddie was desperately trying to get Nigel to give him the Dame part (but Nigel was increasingly quite taken with the idea … it sounded like he was even already planning some nice frocks).

Ah well.

It’s the taking part that counts.

“I know who Van Helsing is … I just didn’t realise he looked like Nigel”

Kenton’s making a real effort for The Bull’s Halloween party tomorrow. Which seems to involve wearing all of Nigel’s clothes in an effort to be Van Helsing.

Elizabeth seems quite bemused at Kenton and Nigel acting like two wee laddies setting off on guising.

Actually, when was the last time Elizabeth actually had any fun at all (apart from when Nigel goes all out to surprise her).

Does she ever just relax and enjoy?

Even her wee quip to Kenton sounded flat and a bit like nagging, when said by anyone else it would have been witty:

“When you do [go out with Nigel] … bring Nigel back in the realm of the living”

“I’ve got more to worry about than your irrational hatred of Nathan Booth”

[Eddie to Lynda] “It’s not irrational … you can ask anyone!”

[Lynda to Eddie] “I’m sure you and Nathan could come to an amicable working relationship”


Lynda’s not listening to Eddie, and Eddie isn’t listening to Lynda.

“If you were such a great actor, Eddie, you’d be able to empathise”

I think you could both do with a bit of empathy Lynda.

Does smoking out of the window count?

Ah, that’s more like it.

Harry’s not amused that Jazzer has been smoking in the flat.

But Jazzer reckons he hasn’t been. As he was leaning out of the window at the time. And he was also doing it in his own room, which he pays for.

[Jazzer] “I’ve done everything else you wanted … I’ve sat through your meetings … paid for the kitty … even cleaned up”

And, Harry admitted that he couldn’t even smell the smoke. He’d noticed Jazzer hanging out of the window on his way back to the flat.

I’m with Jazzer on this one.

The Panto cast (so far) #1

Jill: fairy beau bells

Vicky: Mrs Fitzwarren

Sabrina: Whittington’s cat

Nigel: Sarah the Cook (The Dame)

Harry: Idle Jack

Richard Thwaite: King Rat

Nathan Booth: Rate Henchman 1

Eddie: Rat Henchman 2

Jim: The Imperial Majesty

(but still no Dick or Alice!)

Friday, 29 October 2010

The Archers Thurs 28th Oct 2010: Kate’s upsetting Ruari

The Archers: the world revolves around Kate … Jennifer is still on about Alice’s marriage … David’s a man in demand … Bert’s not a happy chappy … Ruari thinks he’d done something wrong

  • “I knew this would happen when she married Christopher”
  • Ruari’s gingerbread man is angry
  • Kate can’t even look after Ruari for 15 minutes
  • Bert only has an hour …
  • Wheat causes chaffing
  • I hope that cow is okay
  • Aw, wee Ruari
  • Kate apologises!
  • Pip’s new man

“I knew this would happen when she married Christopher”

Jennifer’s still very grumpy about Alice deciding to come back home to Felpersham to do her masters.

I’d agree with Jennifer that Alice would indeed be:

“narrowing her horizons”

if I for a moment, believed that Jennifer had actually taken the time to see if Felpersham was as dire for engineering as she suspects it to be.

This is nothing to do with the quality of College’s.

It’s purely Jennifer still being a snob about Chris. Still!

Ruairi’s gingerbread man is angry

Oh dear.

Aren’t proper alarm bells supposed to start ringing when a child creates ‘angry’ stuff like paintings? Or even gingerbread men?!?

Kate can’t even look after Ruairi for 15 minutes

First Kate automatically thinks Jennifer is stressing about her (when it’s Alice), then she can’t look after Ruari for a few moments to let Jennifer dash off on one her mini missions (to post a few letters).

“We are supposed to be a family”

Kate retorts that she thought Jennifer didn’t want her to interfere with Rurai, and that there’s always hell to pay when anyone jerks Ruairi’s routine out of kilter.

Which is true.

What’s fine for Kate is when it’s fine for Kate.

But also what’s fine for Jennifer is when it’s fine for Jennifer.

Is there something there about an apple never falling far from the tree?

Bert only has an hour …

… before he’s disqualified from his ploughing match.

Something’s broken, David needs to rush a new part down to Bert, but David seems to be getting interrupted at every turn.

David does eventually make it in time, but Bert only cam 6th (as he was all a fluster).

Will this really cost Bert the championship?

Wheat causes chaffing

According to David, the rise in the price of wheat has been a savour.

But it’s not quite had the same positive effect for Adam and Debbie.

They’ve seemingly had a row over Debbie demanding that Adam sell in a hurry, which turned out to be just before the price rocketed.

Oh dear. Setup for a family Christmas day row?

I hope that cow is okay

Didn’t that sound nasty?

One of David and Ruth cows went down with milk fever, which resulted in her being unconscious.

Some nifty work by Ruth and Pip seemed to do the trick, but I hope we do get updated.

Aw, wee Ruairi

After hearing the stooshie between Jennifer and Kate over Kat being a selfish besom, poor wee Ruairi thinks it’s all his fault.

Despite still nurturing a very odd accent, Rurai is such a toots. And a sensitive one to boot.

Has Brian Aldridge really fathered such a child?

Kate apologises!

But only after Jennifer apologised first. So I reckon that cancels it out.

Phew. Will Jennifer ever realise that Kate should have had a bloomin’ good clip round the ear many a moon ago?

Still, at least Kate is now going to help with Ruari’s birthday party.

What could possibly go wrong?!?

Pip’s new man

Well, not really, but David and Ruth certainly want him to be.

Some chap called Lucan has asked Pip to be his partner at the Young Farmer’s dinner dance.

Queue David and Ruth giggling like school girls.

David also had to mention ‘Juuude’


Lucan is more than welcome to woo our young Pip, but he shall be chased out with pick forks if he turns out to be like that other awful young man.

Thursday, 28 October 2010

The Archers Wed 27th Oct 2010: Jamie has nae mates

The Archers: Jazzer still isn't tidy ... Jill joins the computer lessons ... Kathy and Jamie row ... Kathy and Pat drink wine

  • “How Jazzer can drive the milk van safely is beyond me”
  • Why was Fallon so affronted?
  • “You have to be firm with him – he’ll come back wagging his tail anyway”
  • Harry’s got a threesome
  • Shandy!
  • Peggy really wants a bit of Con
  • “not everything is about you”
  • First mention of Christmas shopping

“How Jazzer can drive the milk van safely is beyond me”

Harry is discovering that Jazzer doesn’t need much sleep.

“He’s like a shark … and I still can’t get him to do the washing up”

Well, come on now Harry – when was the last time you saw a Shark get a pair of rubber gloves on?!?

Why was Fallon so affronted?

After Harry telling Fallon all about Jazzer’s habits, Fallon was utterly seething.

So, Jazzer is a shark that won’t go near marigolds. So, Jazzer leaves his dirty clothes in a bin next to the toilet. So, Harry feels:

“dirtier after I come out of the bathroom than when I went in”

What’s any of that to Fallon?

She gets so het up, demanding Harry creates a rota (oh my giddy aunt!), that even Harry remarks:

“Blimey – it’s a good job he didn’t move in with you!”

I think Fallon is increasingly falling for Mr Harry Mason’s charms, so sees any insult on his honour (well … his flat), as a slight on her.

“You have to be firm with him – he’ll come back wagging his tail anyway”

Just following on from Fallon’s odd behaviour over Jazzer’s lack of domestic skills, what on earth was she on about when she said the above?

Has Jazzer ever wagged his tail?

Or, does this give us more insight into Fallon maybe not being the all-round good lass that we think her to be.

Has she just been treating mean/keeping keen Jazzer all these years?

Harry’s got a threesome

And wasn’t it nice of Peggy to share him with Jill.

But to be serious – I found it lovely to eavesdrop in on Peggy and Jill having a chat.

It was like coming in from a horrible winter’s storm (anyone shouting at each other in Ambridge) to a lovely warm fire, with a wee toddy close to hand.

But, it was sad to hear  Jill mention that she might go to the Panton auditions because

“it would be nice to be involved in over Christmas”

The first Christmas without Phil. Here’s hoping Jill’s family don’t forget she’ll need that extra bit of festive TLC.


What’s wrong with Jamie?

Come on – shandy, two (TWO!) pepperoni pizzas, a Hawaiian pizza, chips and dips (which I really hope Kathy meant actual chips, cause it’d have been ‘crisps’ otherwise).

There’s a right teenage riot setup for you!

But of course, it isn’t cool if mum made it happen.

So we’re back to bad communication between Kathy and Jamie yet again.

Kathy said Jamie could have his mates over. He grunted. She assumes. He grunts again. She makes an effort. He’s still grunting. She shouts. He goes out.

I though Kathy was making a bit too much out of Jamie having nae mates – but it’s typical of her seeing everything he does as an attack on her, rather than it just being his life.

Poor chap had to go over Fallon’s to watch DVDs to escape his mum, and exactly because he has next to no mates.

I’d almost feel sorry for the wee lout …

Peggy really wants a bit of Con

As Jill and Peggy silver surf the internet, Peggy is once again on about her long lost American GI Con.

My word. We are keen!

With Harry’s help, Peggy has worked out Con’s old army unit, and has sent email to his veterans association.

“I suppose it is easier than ever to track someone down”


It’s also called ‘stalking’

At least Peggy does mention that she’ll tell Con about Jack (though it didn’t sound like it’d be in the context of ‘I’m already taken).

And there is something nice about Peggy acting like a teenage girl, checking her emails every day in case of a reply.

Kinda scary, but kinda cute as well.

“not everything is about you”

Hurrah Pat!

Well said, if you were a bit tardy in saying it. Months ago would have been perfect.

After not being able to get the extra pizzas into her freezer, Kathy invites Pat over.

Alongside the moaning and groaning from Kathy, I think Pat actually made a breakthrough:”

“He’s a teenager Kathy … they have mood …  not everything is about you or Kenton or even his dad”

“You’re his mother you’ll never do anything right”

“Perhaps you should spend a bit of time on yourself”

While, seconds later, resulted in Kathy saying

“If Jamie doesn’t want to spend time with me, I may as well spend time on myself!”

Yikes! Is Kathy moving on? Letting go? About to have fun?

For starters, Pat and her are going to take a whole afternoon off to go shopping.


First mention of Christmas shopping

As  much as I love Ambridge, that wasn’t fair or right.

The Archers Tues 26th Oct 2010: The Clash of the Titans (over Peregrines)

The Archers: Roll up for the Panto! … Ed and Vicky still not speaking … Vicky's a traitor ... Will's paranoid

  • Nigel says yes, Mike says no, Ed says no on behalf of Emma
  • “All in all, I’ve failed at everything”
  • “I’m expecting Brian to be quite vociferous”
  • Hey, there, psycho Will ..
  • Odds on Amy delivering Helen and/or Emma’s babies?
  • “I’ll have you out of your cabin, spitting teeth, before you know it”
  • “Do partridges really live in pear trees?”

Nigel says yes, Mike says no, Ed says no on behalf of Emma

Yup, it’s most definitely Panto audition time again.

And there’s no escape this year, what with Lynda volunteering in the Village Shop.

Folks can’t move for Lynda strong arming them to be a donkey when they were just after a pint of milk.

(I know, there probably even isn’t a donkey in Dick Wittington…

Lynda is especially sad to hear that Mike won’t be auditioning:

“But he made such a superlative dame last time!”


“All in all, I’ve failed at everything”

As much as Vicky does irritate, I do believe her when she says she was only trying to contribute (in Mike’s business).

Neither her nor Ed are speaking to each other (a little unsold veal goes a long way indeed), but I don’t think Ed really noticed. He has other, more brutal, enemies to consider …

At least Lynda tried to cheer her up:

“You tried to improve the lot of those poor animals … one can’t always succeeded you know”

Quite right, but I must admit I fail to understand how keeping those bull calves to be killed for veal was any better than them being killed almost after birth.

“I’m expecting Brian to be quite vociferous”

So said Lynda prior to the meeting about the Peregrines, while asking Vicky to come along to support her.

Later on, Lynda wishes she’d never even mentioned her birds to Vicky

Sparring with Brian before even either of them put their case for (Lynda) or against (Brian) the Peregrine nesting platform, Lynda even put to boot into Will

“No need to wait [for Will] … we’re going to hear with his master’s voice anyway”

The argument in short:


“Should be honoured … wonderful species chosen Ambridge”

(on the aesthetic impact) “nesting platform will be crafted and entirely removable”

(on bits of dead things falling on churchgoers bonnets) “It will be on the east side of the tower”

“Two peregrines aren’t going to make the difference”


(who generally stressed the importance of the village shoot – for jobs, other businesses, and nature. Fair enough, but don’t think those pheasants will agree)

“Profligate killers – don’t even eat all of their kill”

“What about the bird hide?” (and the birds at it)

Other folks also chipped in:

[Nigel] “ Instead of seeing them as a threat … creating balance in the ecosystem”

[Nigel] “Peregrines take their prey in flight” (so are little danger to the shoot birds)

[Vicky] “I have a pole feeder”


[Vicky] “What about the birds in my garden – will they be killed as well?”

(*glare* just listen properly, Vicky)

In the end, it was hard to tell exactly who won the argument:

[Brian] “I’m not suggesting should be shot out of the sky …”

[Lynda] “ … unlike your pheasants”

[Lynda] “You’re protecting your assets”

[Brian] “And in the process doing a great deal to support the nature environment … contribution the shoot makes to biodiversity”

Lynda certainly didn’t feel she’d won over Brian, and felt quite betrayed by Vicky’s turncoat from supporter to opponent.

Lynda didn’t even want to walk home with Vicky. Fancy that.

Hey, there, psycho Will …

… revving up the lane to scare Ed’s cows

(sing the above to “Georgy Girl” by The Seekers)

Oh that Will is just beyond the joke now.

Unless Ed was being as cheeky as Will thinks (which I don’t think he was), Will is super aggressive, super angry and supper paranoid.

Would Ed really have let the cows into the lane because he saw Will driving up?

Would Ed really care whether he made Will late/have to wait?

[Ed] “get over yourself …you’re a joke … grow up”

[Will] “I ain't got time for you and your childish games”

It’s all in your mind, Will.

All in that rather terrifyingly furious mind.

Odds on Amy delivering Helen and/or Emma’s babies?

According to Alan, Amy has applied for a midwife job at Felpersham General’s Women’s unit.

I reckon she’ll either deliver one, both, or will be on-hand for a fraught unplanned home birth.

“I’ll have you out of your cabin, spitting teeth, before you know it”

Will’s behaviour most definitely did not go unchecked by Ed.

“Don’t. You. Ever. Do. That. Again”

After meeting Will’s aggression with aggression, Ed actually manages to get Will to back down.

But then pushes beyond his advantage when I think he should have walked away.

That last dig will only have only made Will more determined to get even more revenge …

“Do partridges really live in pear trees?”

Ah Vicky.

You are a bit annoying.

But you can be quite funny (on purpose) sometimes.

Just make try and not wind up Will about Ed and Emma having a baby.

I really don’t think he cares who he hits …

Monday, 25 October 2010

The Archers Mon 25th Oct 2010: Alice at Felpersham?

The Archers: Brian has to deal with Lilian and Kate … Pip’s buying a dress … Alice has plans

  • Brian is grumping about Lilian
  • Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement
  • Poor Ruari didn’t get to Apple Day
  • “Can’t you just give me the money”
  • Only 10 tickets left
  • Pip off to Uni
  • Ruth has a stubborn cow
  • “Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”
  • The great debate

Brian is grumping about Lilian

And she hasn’t even done anything wrong.

All Lilian is doing is trying to make sure she’s properly informed for the new mart business.

Now that’s not the attitude to start with, Mr Aldridge!

Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement

When did that happen?

I’ll bet Roy is a happy man.

Poor Rurai didn’t get to Apple Day

How very dare Kate not take Ruari to Apple Day at Lower Loxely. Especially after all that fuss she made about Jennifer not letting Ruari stay up for Harvest Supper.

[Jennifer] “As if she ever listens”

Hmmm. As if you ever tell her outright, Jennifer.

“Can’t you just give me the money”

Well, it must happen to all mums.

Their teenage kid doesn’t want to be seen shopping with them (or at all in public).

Jamie’s being his usual ‘whatever’ self, but Kathy doesn’t seem to get the hint.

The poor lad is dragged round the shops, regardless that he’s blatantly unhappy to do so.

Kathy’s also now trying to keep Jamie close by letting him invite his mates over (which can only end up in a burnt carpet and vomit).

As much as Jamie has been a wee toe rag, Kathy just needs to back off.

He really doesn’t need a ‘cool’ mum. He just needs a clip round the ear.

Only 10 tickets left

Phew! I was worried about Pip and her dinner dance.

But all now seems well.

Apart from Ruth badgering Pip about who she’s going to the dance with.

Seemingly no-one, now that Izzy has snatched up Matthew.

Pip off to Uni

So what do we think – will Pip eventually choose Felpersham, or will she branch out and go away for a few years?

Ruth has a stubborn cow

And seemingly Izzy’s boyfriend Gary is a bit boring (which is why she’s off with Matthew).

“Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”

so says Jennifer

“a master of science, actually”

so corrected Brian.

Alice is thinking about doing a masters, but might decide to do it at Felpersham.

Jennifer is horrified:

“ … ending up on a substandard course … at this time in her life, Alice should be aiming for the best”

I think I actually agree with Jennifer. Brian’s right that it’s good that Alice is planning for her future, but should she be settling for second best because of her marriage?

At least she’s planning ahead

The great debate …

… falcons or not

“Alice has to sort out her future – I’ve got to face down Lynda Snell”

I know what I’d rather do!

The Archers Sun 25th Oct 2010: Apply Day at Lower Loxley

The Archers: Kenton’s not being useful … neither is Jazzer … Will isn’t Angry (what???)

  • Kenton’s on the shaving horse
  • “Everything’s ready for the longest peel competition”
  • Phil only managed to make a chair leg
  • Jazzer’s taking the scrumpy …
  • Was that our Will Nic was talking about?
  • Kenton now doesn’t need to be at Jaxx
  • Jolene’s back to her usual self
  • The Panto jesting begins

Kenton’s on the shaving horse

But doesn’t know the difference between carpentry and “green wood working”.

Must admit neither do I, but Nigel seemed quite concerned to get it correct.

As well as kicking Kenton off of the shaving horse.

“The last thing I need on apple day is for you to decapitate yourself”

“Everything’s ready for the longest peel competition”

So, it’s not all a loss.

But what was that about a crack barn?

Phil only managed to make a chair leg

Aw, bless Phil.

I agree with Kenton that it’s a shame he never got to make the whole chair.

Jazzer’s taking the scrumpy …

I’m seriously starting to think that there must be something very amiss with Harry.

How did he manage to keep his temper?

Jazzer drank the cider that he was going to use for their pork (part of the Sunday lunch he was cooking for them both);

had the TV blaring at stupid-o’clock the previous night;

then puts the oven up full blast, ruining the Sunday lunch, while Harry was out trying to buy more cider.

“It’s no ma fault ma Ma never taught me how to cook”

Jazzer is as Jazzer does – but why is Harry putting up with all of this?

At least he makes Jazzer pay … for lunch at The Bull.

But why is he being so calm in the face of such blatant misuse and abuse of his good nature?

Will the worm turn?

Was that our Will Nic was talking about?

I don’t think that could have been.

Nic and Will have seemingly had a “chat” about Emma being pregnant – with Will “happy to talk about it” and not angry anymore.

Sorry. Did Will suddenly become a decent, rationale human being?

That just can’t be right at all.

Although Nic think’s that Emma being pregnant:

“ …it’s great … it’s the best thing that could have happened to all of us”

I don’t accept that Will is anything other than seething.

Hoping I am wrong, for Nic’s sake and sanity …

Kenton now doesn’t need to be at Jaxx


What is wrong with that man?

One minute he must be at Jaxx every waking moment, now he can swan off to enjoy himself.

What’s changed?

Well, Jaxx is up and running for one.

And Kenton also doesn’t need to avoid Kathy anymore.

I’m not sure whether his constant checking about Kathy’s movements is either to get to see her, or to still avoid her.

[Kenton to Nigel] “How do you fancy being count Dracula to my Van Helsing?”

Oh dear.

Do we feel another Kenton and Nigel big night out (ending up in the gutter, or arrested, or in bed with a random woman)?

Or maybe it’s Jazzer we need to watch out for at The Bull’s Halloween party:
“As long as you give me lots of lassies to sink my teeth intae”

Jolene’s back to her usual self

But is still wearing a We Love The Bull t-shirt.

I thought the point of the campaign was getting Jolene to realise how much everyone needed her at The Bull?

Now, I think it feels like we’re just adding to her holiday fund …

The Panto jesting begins

[Nic] “My Jake’s going to be a little rat”

[Clarrie on Eddie auditioning] “Lord knows why … he always wants to throttle Lynda by the end of it”

[Nic to a thinking-of-auditioning Harry] “Still, you wouldn’t’ have to sit around watching people getting tortured”

[Clarrie] “Oh, she ain’t that bad”

(Nic was referring to Jazzer – Harry wants to get out of the house to avoid Jazzer’s very loud and gory horror movies).

How very droll ;-)

The Archers Fri 22nd Oct 2010: Jazzer, Harry and a bag of chips

The Archers: The Odd Couple … Jamie’s avoiding Kenton … the Peregrine plot thickens … Peggy has yet another computer lesson

  • “You binned my chips!”
  • “Just a little white lie to keep things simple”
  • Vampire night at The Bull
  • It was only Fallon
  • The Peregrines led to Clash of the Titans
  • Peggy’s determined to find her GI

“You binned my chips!”

Well, we never really expected Harry and Jazzer to share a flat without Jazzer being a bit disgusting, and Harry fruitlessly trying to encourage him to better ways.

Harry has got another day of being a thoroughly nice, helpful chap.

Whereas Jazzer is looking for his chips from last night. He was going to have them for his lunch chip butty.

Harry shouldn’t have just dumped the chips. And his offer of

“Apple … muesli … dried apricots”

Was hardly acceptable for our Jazzer.

“I’m no a gerbil – I need some real grub!”

Then shock and horror! Harry’s racing bike mug is missing.

As are numerous other mugs.

Two blokes. One small flat. One a slob, the other a bit of a maiden aunt when it comes to cleanliness.

Better get more mugs.

“Just a little white lie to keep things simple”

Kenton’s feeling hard done by.

Jamie won’t return his calls or texts, and it’s all the fault of that Holly.

“I can’t believe she’d do that! Prances over … starts snogging me like there’s no tomorrow. Holly’s a lovely girl in many ways, and in other circumstances …”

Despite Kirsty being right that Kenton is allowed to see other people, it’s not Kenton just seeing other people that Jamie has a problem with.

Kenton lied to Jamie when he said that Holly was just a friend.

Kenton lied to Holly that he and Kathy was well and truly over.

And now Kenton’s lying to himself in trying to lay the blame at any door other than his own.

As he himself later admitted:

“To be fair, Holly didn’t know the whole story”

And stop the press!

“It’s all my fault”

“I should’ve had more sense … more willpower … I should’ve thought about what it would do to Jamie”

“I had a real chance to help him – now I’ve just blown it”

Yet again, Kenton.

You’re blown it yet again.

Vampire night at The Bull

Harry to Fallon:

“You’d look great as Kristen Stewart”

Didn’t Fallon sound delighted to get such a compliment from Harry!

The lady does indeed like. She likes very much!

Seemingly Kathy’s also doing a vampire menu. Which you can bring your own teeth to (tee-hee!).

It was only Fallon

Jazzer had asked Harry if it was alright for him to have a friend back.

But it turned out to only be Fallon.

Obviously keen to keep Fallon to himself, Jazzer tries to keep her in his teeny wee box bedroom.

[Jazzer] “Just about room for two if we hold our breaths”

[Fallon] “What’s that smell – is it pigs?”

Jazzer’s tiny room is now seemingly set off with dirty clothes, dirty plates (and mugs!) and general muck and mire.

The muck extends to a few choice pictures of scantily clad women:

“Harry prefers blokes in lyrca but me, I’m more conventional”

Both Harry and Jazzer seem to think that they’ll be fine living together. It’ll just be a case of getting used to each other’s routines.


The Peregrines have led to the Clash of the Titans

Peggy is against the Peregrines:

“I don’t want to see half eaten songbirds”

But, Harry:

“I suppose falcon wise, I’m a bit of a fence sitter”

Which Peggy thinks is probably a safe place to be, considering Brian and Lynda will be speaking on opposing sides at a meeting to discuss the whole issue.

Peggy’s determined to find her GI

At yet another computer learning session with Harry, Peggy us yet again on about trying to find her long lost GI.

“We danced the jitterbug and won a prize … I was very young and naive”

Oo-er! Just how naive were you Peggy?

I’m in two minds about all this GI business.

It’ll be lovely for Peggy to meet up with an old friend.

But won’t he be disappointed yet again if he wants more, only to find she’s again married?

And what about Jack?

The Archers Thurs 21st Oct 2010: Pat’s worried about Helen

The Archers: Helen’s happy for Emma … Kathy has tea with Pat … Kenton spends more quality time with Jamie

  • So excited!
  • “I was lucky with George, I suppose”
  • “I’m finally single again”
  • It’s Helen. There has to be a catch …
  • Bollywood Night at Jaxx
  • “My sexy Bollywood star”

So excited!

Despite Helen having to mark down the Raspberries down (to three for a pound. Bargain!), Helen’s delighted to be able to congratulate Emma face-to-face when she pops into Ambridge Organics.

Pat was also full of the joys for Emma, but Helen was a tad terrifying with her enthusiasm.

Thrilled that she’s only two months ahead of Emma, Helen seemed particularly delighted that:

“I won’t be the only pregnant girl in the village”

(though Emma said there must be more – who? who?? who???)

Helen was just as thrilled at the idea of her and Emma chumming each other to ante natal.

Whereas Emma seemed quite bewildered by Helen’s excitement.

Worse still for Emma was Helen’s rather detailed advice about how to morning sickness.

“Have you tried slow burn wholegrain food?”

Helen does seem to think she’s the perfect example of pregnancy, and that Emma could benefit from her months of research.

She does mean well, but doesn’t she go on!

And Helen should also probably realise that Emma’s not quite the wholefood type.

After all, just look at the whole artichoke saga ….

“I was lucky with George, I suppose”

If you say so Emma.

I know you were talking about being how easy it was to be pregnant with George, but I really don’t think there was any ‘luck’ that can be associated to George’s conception, birth, paternity test …

“I’m finally single again”

Now that Kenton’s making an effort with Jamie, Kathy is freed up to get on with her own life.

(Though it has to be said that she still didn’t sound very impressed with Kenton’s efforts. Too little too late?)

So, what wild and exciting things does Kathy immediately get up to?

Round to Pat and Tony’s for tea.

Steady on!

Kathy’s decided to take charge of her life and:

“make my own agenda”

Great and good. As long as it means less shouting and grumping, I’ll be happy. And maybe (just maybe) we’ll see a whole, new happy Kathy?!?

Just one odd thing – Kathy said:

“I’m finally single again”

Does that mean she wanted to split up with Kenton for a while? That she was hankering after a sassy single lady lifestyle?

Or, was Kathy just realising that she and Kenton should have split up many many months before they actually did.

It’s Helen. There has to be a catch …

Continuing her “fascinating” lecture on the right food and fitness routine for pregnant women, Helen didn’t seem to think that neither Pat nor Kathy would have anything useful or sensible to say on the topic.

It’s almost as if Helen’s the first woman to ever be pregnant.

Poo-pooing Kathy’s mention of “having to eat for two”, Helen announced:

“In the last 6 months … women only need 300 calories a day”

And she’s back!

Happy Helen has once again turned into Controlling/smug/know-it-all/rather rude Helen.

But Pat’s more worried about Helen’s entire attitude to food, than her mate being insulted by her daughter.

[Pat]“You do see what I mean about Helen?”

[Kathy] “She does seem quite picky about what she’s eating …”

[Pat] “You saw her sad little helping tonight … it’s not enough to feed a sparrow … worried she’s just using it as an excuse”

Oh dear.

As Kathy said, would Helen really put the baby at risk?

Or, is Pat just panicking about Helen because of her unhappy history with food?

“It’s her obsessive attitude I find worrying … she’s counting every calorie … surely can’t be a good sign where Helen’s concerned?”

While Pat might have a point that medical professionals are more worried about obesity, Kathy’s right that surely Helen’s midwife will be able to spot anything amiss (especially with Helen’s medical history to hand)? Especially if her midwife turns out to be Amy …

Either way, it was good to actually hear Pat being able to offload for once.

And Tony was quite right to steer well clear, with his umpiring rule book. It’ll soon come to a time where no excuse will be accepted …

Bollywood Night at Jaxx

Kenton’s entertaining Jamie at Jaxx, and does seem to be getting somewhere in encouraging Jamie to say more than ‘whatever’.

Although I do question Kenton’s tactic of using Kathy’s attitudes as a means to get Jamie to behave (if you do x, y will stop nagging you), anything that can help Jamie back to being a nice lad is welcome.

But, as with almost everything Kenton does, his attempts are doomed to failure …

“My sexy Bollywood star”

… so this time, Kenton’s failure comes in the form of Holly.

With Kenton’s rather detailed descriptions to Nigel the morning after forever etched in our darkest nightmares, we’ll never forget Kenton’s night of passion with Holly.

But, it seems Kenton had. It’s a shame for him that Holly hadn’t!

The fact that Kenton hasn’t called her since that night hasn’t quenched Holly’s passion for him. She even gave him a massive snog (right in the middle of Jaxx), rather than slapping him.

“It was a pretty memorable occasion!”

Does Holly have no shame?

Can she not take a hint? (that Kenton can’t be that interested if he hadn’t tried to contact her)

Bunny boiler material, methinks.

Anyway, Jamie is not at all impressed with Holly’s display of affection to Kenton, even though Kenton did try and explain to her that now wasn’t a good time for a reunion.

Jamie flees from Jaxx. Kenton catches up with him to explain:

[Kenton] “She’s just a friend … I haven’t; seen her for four weeks”

[Jamie] “You’re pathetic … why should I believe a word you say!?!”


Jamie has met Holly before, at which point Kenton had also claimed she was just a friend.

Quite simply, friends don’t snog. And Jamie knows that.

Ah well. The lack of shouting was nice while it lasted.

Thursday, 21 October 2010

The Archers Wed 20th Oct 2010: Will finds out about Emma's pregnancy

The Archers: Susan's spreading the news ... Kenton takes Jamie out ... Apple days and Deck The Halls ... Will gets angry (pt 6000000940265)

  • Clarrie is just an all round good sort
  • We can depend on Susan
  • Why on earth didn’t Eddie and Clarrie not expect Will to go off on one?
  • They really didn’t expect it.
  • Kenton and Kathy in a 'Not shouting' shock!
  • Kenton gets through to Jamie?
  • Apples, Deck and Panto (oh my!)

Clarrie is just an all round good sort

Clarrie was having a chat with Kathy, when Kenton arrived to take Jamie out.

Not only did Clarrie not fish for gossip - she immediately left them to it - mentioned to Kathy that she could call round anytime for a chat - and gave Eddie a tap for trying to be nosey.

Nice person indeed.

We can depend on Susan

Actually, I think it's fair enough that Susan is spreading the news far and wide.

After all, it is her daughter that's pregnant.

The way Will found out can't exactly be blamed on Susan gossiping (for once). Methinks Ed had planned it all along ... (see below)

Why on earth didn’t Eddie and Clarrie not expect Will to go off on one?

As @meerkatmartin pointed out to me on Twitter, parents generally only see the good in their kids.

Which is absolutely true.

The trouble is, have Eddie and Clarrie been completely oblivious to the continued animosity between their sons?

When was the last time Will and Ed were in the same room, let alone acted like brothers?

I’m quite stunned that they didn't think to (a) tell Will about Emma's pregnancy become common knowledge and (b) assume that he'd go loopy about it.

[Clarrie] "isn’t it nice!"

[Will] "so why didn’t someone tell me?"

[Will] "Jennifer a telling me I’m going to be an uncle ... how do you think I felt?"

Clarrie also had to admit that she'd known for a wee while, which made Will even more angry.

I can see Will's point that it's not right he had to hear it from "the gossips".

Perhaps Eddie and Clarrie should have insisted Ed tell Will, but I don't think Ed gives a stuff.

I think his plan all along was to truly rub Will up the wrong way by making sure he found out the wrong way.

[Clarrie] "are you pleased for them?"

[Will] "what!"

[Clarrie] "well, it’s good news"

[Will] "Dad ... after what Ed's done to me, do you think I’m going to congratulate him?"

And then we get onto Will’s new strategy:

[Will] "you really think he's ft to be a father? ... he's just not responsible"


I’m not sure where that come from (I can only remember George once hitting his head, while Ed and Will were having a punch up).

Anyone else have an idea of how Will could justify Ed not being a good dad?

Either way - looks like Will isn’t going to take this quietly. I think he'll try and get custody of George, while making Emma's pregnancy a far less joyous experience than it should be (for all concerned).

They really didn’t expect it.

"I never thought he'd take it as bad as that"

"and after all this time, you’d think he start to get over it"

"he'll soon calm down"

"a lot of it is because he's been made to feel a fool in front of Jennifer Aldridge"

Ah, come on now Eddie and Clarrie. Will has shown nothing but utter contempt for Ed since the whole Emma-gate.

But you're also missing the fact that Nic is now going to have to cope with the full brunt of Will's unreasonable anger.

"Nic is such a nice sensible girl ... perhaps she can talk him round"

Actually, maybe Nic can. She has stood up to Will before.

But, because Nic is such a "nice" girl, I hope she runs for the hills (or Harry) when she realises that Will is going to be going utterly overboard throughout and beyond Emma's pregnancy.

Kenton and Kathy in a 'Not shouting' shock!

While Kathy was very frosty to Kenton when he collected Jamie, she didn't shout at him.

When Kenton said:

"I thought it might help the situation ... I’ve been busy but not been on another planet"

Kathy didn’t shout at him.

When Kenton brought Jamie back home.

Kathy still didn’t find to something to shout at him about.

And, when Kenton offered to collect Jamie from school, so that he could hang out with him again AND give Kathy a break ...

... Kathy accepted his help in the straightforward manner it was offered.

Phew! Think we've turned a corner?

Kenton gets through to Jamie?

As well as Kathy and Kenton having a normal conversation, and agreeing to something, is it too much to hope that Kenton will actually manage to help stop Jamie being such a thug?

Jamie seemed to take on board Kenton's point that his shenanigans to Pip's Barn Dance was mote about him being rude than underage drinking.

And then also admitted that he is

"bored ... fed up ... people [are] annoying me ... there's nothing good in my life ... everyone just comes down on me"

On the matter of Kathy dropping him at and collecting him from school, Jamie did have a good point to make that it is actually making her life more stressful.

Which Kenton heard, and late came up with a solution for (see above). Which I was heartened by, considering Kenton had at first said

"it does seem a little bit bonkers"

(I was imaging that he'd say those exact words to Kathy, sending her off into a fury yet again. Which he didn't. Phew!)

And what's more, did Kenton actually persuade Jamie to go to school and actually do the work while he's there?

[Kenton] "I’m not a shining example of academic achievement - but at least I had some O levels ... if you have to go, might as well get something out of it"

Oh my. This has to be too good to be true.

Apples, Deck and Panto (oh my!)

The previous mention of the Panto, and tonight's mention that Deck The Halls will be back this year (at Lower Loxley), has made me warm and happy.

It's been a very trying year in many, many respects.

And though often a twee farce, the Christmas 'specials' also raise a smile.

As Clarrie put it:

"something to look forward to it"

What's more, Lower Loxley is also having an apple day soon.

Which Joe is helping out with (by getting old varieties from Grange Farm).

Can we sense a cider scam forthcoming?

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

The Archers Tues 19th Oct 2010: Emma’s spreading the happy news

The Archers: Pip’s stressed about ticket sales … Bert’s a ploughing champ … Vicky’s bull calves go off to mart … Emma tells Susan and David/Ruth

  • Only 42!
  • 106 might have mastitis
  • Bert might win the county championship
  • “Nice looking bunch of calves”
  • “Sorry. There’s a bit of tea on there.”
  • Susan’s not happy
  • Why was David and Ruth so nervous?
  • And then there’s Will

Only 42!

Pip’s target for the YFC Ball next Friday is 70.

She’s sold 42 and has 10 more days.

Why the stress, young lady? That’s bags of time.

As Pip later sold more to some of the local residents, I was a bit confused about how couples buying tickets only meant one more ticket sold.

Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe Pip should be selling one ticket per person? Just a thought …

106 might have mastitis


I do prefer Ed’s habit of naming his cows.

There’s something a bit too clinical about Ruth and David’s numbering system.

Bert might win the county championship

With Bert’s “arch rival Jimmy Prentice” retired from ploughing competitions, Bert’s seemingly in a great place to win the trophy.

Winning today’s competition, he’s now second in the County Championship.

Is there no end to that man’s talents?

“Nice looking bunch of calves”

And here endeth the lesson.

Mike and Ed load up Vicky’s bull calves for the mart, with a rather upset Vicky watching over them to say goodbye (without interfering … her words, not mine).

Mike reckoned:

“that they’re going off for junk food is a shame”

At mart, the calves made £100 each. Which isn’t great:

[Vicky] “I knew it’d be bad, but after all me hard work …”

(Sorry Vicky – your hard work???)

But it means Vicky only owes Ed £350.

Mike also gave Ed another £30 (as he thought Ed’s cost didn’t really cover his time and effort), with both he and Ed glad this whole whim of Vicky’s is done and dusted.

[Vicky] “I’ve learnt on thing from this – don’t want to see another calf ever again … I just don’t think I could bear it”

Fair enough. Apart from the fact you live in the country. And your husband does a milk round.

Avoiding calves might be more difficult that you’d think, Vicky. The trick is not to get involved with farming when you haven’t got the stomach for the more hard of realities.

“Sorry. There’s a bit of tea on there.”

Ed’s rushed through the numbers, and has got his invoice ready for Vicky.

It even has the free bonus of some food matter smeared onto it.


Coming in at £1,150, Mike reckons the price is more than fair – and then also manages to pass the invoice off as properly detailed.

I’d have expected Vicky to make more of a fuss about it being so rushed, but she was obviously quite upset about her “beautiful boys” going off the mart …

Susan’s not happy

When Emma tells Susan that she’s pregnant, Susan is utterly delighted.

However, she’s not so chuffed that Clarrie already knows.

As Emma explained, Clarrie did guess

[Clarrie] “Well I’ve seen more of you than Clarrie, and I’ve never noticed”

But then again, Susan has been busy with Chris’ marriage and the Village Shop.

“By next April you’ll be a grandmother again!”

All nice and happy.

What a difference to when Helen told her family …

Why was David and Ruth so nervous?

Did they think Josh was back to being Emma’s stalker again?

They just seemed very reticent when Emma asked to speak to them. David even tried to leg it!

Anyway, they’re also delighted that Emma’s pregnant, and are fine with her taking time off.

And then there’s Will

I’m relieved someone has finally mentioned Will in relation to Emma’s baby.

[Ed] “This time he can’t say it’s not mine”

Jokes aside, Ed, it’s going to be tricky.

Emma was all for going to see Will, and tell him. But only when Nic was there (poor thing. Could you imagine the mood Will would be in after Ed and Emma left!).

[Ed] “I shouldn’t worry about it. He will find out soon enough”

I suppose we can’t expect Ed to anything less than utterly unconcerned about how Will feels about Emma having a baby with Ed.

But it’s not about Will – it’s more about the utter fury he’ll unleash on anyone and everyone hear him.

Seriously – I hope Nic has a panic button ready.

The Archers Mon 18th Oct 2010: Emma's ready to start announcing her pregnancy

The Archers: Panto planning time ... Mike build's bridges ... Jamie feels like an idiot ... Kenton finally deals with Jamie ... Clarrie's been patient

  • Bull!
  • Hurrah! The Panto is back
  • Clarrie had a nice day
  • Jamie's clutching at straws
  • At least Vicky was committed ...
  • Kenton to the rescue?
  • What about Will?!??!?!?!?!?!?


"Does she think this is Texas?"

"she comes here, and tells me how to run my herd"

"it don’t matter to calves - they'll just end up dead either way"

Ed's still furious with Vicky for the way she spoke to him, and for her last-ditch attempt to make some 'proper' use of her bull calves.

Hurrah! The Panto is back

I badly missed it last year, so am delighted to hear Lynda planning for her interpretation of Dick Wittington.

Three cheers!

As Kenton said - it’s a hard to believe that it’s that time of year already.

Clarrie had a nice day

And about time too. Clarrie doesn’t get much in the way of anything less than drudgery.

Despite Will being his typical grumpy self, Nic has joined the WI, so was on their trip to Oxford yesterday.

Seemingly Clarrie and Nic had a proper laugh

"strolling through the college pretending to be professors"

Lynda reports that Hillary Noakes will be pleased that Nic has joined the WI (she has a dive on for younger members), and I’m delighted that Clarrie has had fun and is getting along so well with Nic.

Let's face it - Nic will badly need a practical, yet supportive, ally like Clarrie for when Will properly kicks off ...

Jamie's clutching at straws

Nice try Jamie - but trying to dissuade Kathy from picking you up and dropping you off at school using an environmental argument was not clever.

"just look at what you're doing to the planet

Yup. That's really going to convince Kathy that her driving you to and from uses too much petrol.

I think proving to Kathy that you can be trusted might have more of an effect.

At least Vicky was committed ...

... but not to where some would like her to be.

It's a fair point that Mike made - Vicky did try her best to sell the veal. Most of the time.

And at least Ed is reasonable enough to see Vicky's point of view (via the ever diplomatic Mike). And he agrees to draw a line under the whole veal business.

Which is very generous, considering everything Vicky said (was there ever too brothers more different?).

But - do we sense trouble in Mike saying it was okay for Ed not to give as detailed an invoice (for caring for the bull calves) as Vicky demanded?

She did give very strict instructions.

An invoice and an apology.

I wouldn’t like to be in Mike's wellies if he doesn't return which exactly just that.

Kenton to the rescue?

After he chat with Jolene at the Harvest Supper, and Lynda also sticking her oar in (again!), Kenton finally calls Jamie.

"I hear it’s been kinda interesting for you recently"

Putting it lightly, but maybe that's what Jamie needs?

A bloke, who is more of a mate than a parent, but who isn’t daft enough to get him drunk. Or arrested ...

Um ... actually ... maybe Kenton isn’t the right man for the job after all.

What about Will?!??!?!?!?!?!?

All fine and good for Emma to starting telling family that she's pregnant, and very good that Clarrie doesn't have to bite her tongue any longer, but haven't they forgotten someone?

Will is going to go absolutely ballistic!

Best get Nic prepared (or at least out of the house ... maybe even a different country) as this is going to be nasty.

The Archers Sun 17th Oct 2010: Ed and Vicky have a right old barney

The Archers: Jazzer moves in with Harry ... Vicky faces Ed ... Peggy's second lesson with Harry

  • "even a pig ark is bigger than this"
  • Men on bikes?
  • Jazzer 'two plastic bags' McCreary
  • Widows get a basket of produce
  • To give Vicky credit ...
  • "Scrub calves!"
  • "Call yourself a farmer? I wouldn't trust you to run a pets corner!"
  • Google, perchance?

"even a pig ark is bigger than this"

So there's a surprise. Jazzer's not impressed with his room at Harry's.

Despite Harry trying to tell Jazzer that

"space is all relative",

the box room does sound teeny. It's not even small enough to have a bed - Jazzer has to make do with a futon (which has to stay up as a sofa if he wants to move around at all).

Alarm bells are sounding already with Harry mentioning to Jazzer that he "might want" to leave his shoes in the hall ...

"we'll get along fine ... Jazzer old son"

I very much doubt it, Harry me old mate.

Men on bikes?

It'd be a bit clumsy to deduce anything from Harry having pictures of last year's Tour de France up in his box room (now Jazzer's bedroom), but what else would be the point of it, in this context?

Harry claims the pictures were to:

"add a touch of colour, a bit of class"

Jazzer's response:

"if I do have to live in a shoe box, I don't plan to share it with a bunch of pumped up guys in lyrca"

The obvious response to all of this would be to assume Harry might be gay.

It would explain why he's shown little interest in Fallon (isn't she supposed to be a bit of a looker?), though it wouldn't explain his interest in Nic.

It might also explain why he's gone to such lengths to be a useful part of the village. Maybe he thinks Ambridge still burns gay men (or lesbians) at the stake, so best to be integrated before the big reveal?


I'm not convinced.

Maybe this was more about Jazzer being a bit of an insecure lout, than anything about Harry.

Making a point of saying how he'll put up

"some fine wee lassies",

and how his toiletries amount to a toothbrush and a razor - maybe Jazzer actually doth protest too much?

Jazzer 'two plastic bags' McCreary


Jazzer can fit all of his worldly possessions into (which sounded like) two plastic carrier bags.

What a wee shame.

Still, if he didn't spend so much down The Bull ...

Widows get a basket of produce

That seems to be the case during the Harvest sermon at the church.

Jill was given once as she's been recently widowed.

I’m not sure whether I'd be touched or embarrassed (and upset), in her place.

To give Vicky credit ...

... she does at least her the nerve to face Ed to tell him that she's failed to sell any veal (apart from a wee bit to Ian).

And she kept her cool when Ed basically said 'I told you so'.

Though she doesn't entirely accept that it was a doomed to failure plan:

[Vicky] "how could we know till we tried?"

[Ed] "It's just common sense!"

Despite Ed getting quite blatantly more and more angry, Vicky continues to blunder on - now suggesting that they keep the calves for breeding bulls.

Which leads us to:

"Scrub calves!"

[Ed] "scrub calves! They're not good enough! They're not fit for anything!"

How did Vicky explode when Ed called her beloved calves "scrub"!

Quite suddenly, she went from slightly humble, to furiously righteous:

[Vicky] "It's a failure .. because I couldn't guarantee continuity of supply! ... if you'd shown a bit more guts and imagination ..."

[Ed] "either way, it's a stupid idea"

[Vicky] "you just think you know it all!"

[Ed] "you must be away with the fairies!"

Al of which results with:

"Call yourself a farmer? I wouldn't trust you to run a pets corner!"

Ouch! That final verbal blast from Vicky must have somewhat bruised Ed.

When Vicky later retells the rather unsightly scene between herself and Ed to Mike

"my lovely boys ... scrub calves!"

Demanding that Mike takes her side, and to tell Ed that

"before he gets anything from me ... I'll proper detailed invoice and an apology"

What's the chances of either of those being forthcoming from Ed?

While Vicky does owe him money for the upkeep of her "lovely boys", her frothing rant won't make Ed keen to be nice to her anytime soon.

Poor Mike, stuck in-between.

If only he hadn't pandered to Vicky's whims in the first place.

Google, perchance?

Harry was showing Peggy how to use 'one of the most popular search engines".

The first thing Peggy wants to look up is Alzheimers.

Which was a bit of a sad moment, as Peggy also mentioned that everything with Jack might have been a bit different if she'd has access to the wealth of information on the internet before now.

Very true. Peggy could have found more advice and support.

Peggy's GI is back!

Well - not really. He's not back in body, but it looks like he is well and truly back in Peggy's mind.

As Harry shows Peggy how to look people up, and despite saying that she'd be able to have few friends on Facebook (as they'll either have forgotten her or are ... well ... dead), Peggy does want to look up Con Korchmar (sp?).

Will Peggy find her lost love?

And if she does, what will happen (considering that her husband is still actually alive)?

The Archers Fri 15th Oct 2010: Vicky's big veal deal

The Archers: Vicky's off to Birmingham ... Jazzer and Brenda fight over a slice of ham ... Peggy gets computer lessons ... Mike has a cunning plan

  • How many of you wished you could turn Vicky's voice off?
  • "This is the full Monty"
  • Breed!
  • Peggy gets a gold star!
  • A roaring trade in pasties
  • "It's like having a stray dog in the house"
  • Does Harry really know what he's letting himself in for?
  • The meat supplier says ...

How many of you wished you could turn Vicky's voice off?

Worried about the directions to her big meeting in Birmingham, Vicky didn't want to use her sat nav because:

[Vicky] "she just annoys me ... I end up shouting at her"

[Mike] "you could always turn the voice off"

I actually don't mind Vicky all that much (though she's far from one of my favourite residents), but I could hear many Archers Eavesdroppers wishing they could turn Vicky off just as easily!

"This is the full Monty"

Vicky on how big and important her potential veal client is:

"this isn't just your backstreet butcher, or half baked pie maker - this is the full Monty!"

Phew! That's a whole lotta nonsensical waffling m'lady!

And it would seem everything hangs on this client taking an order. As everyone else (apart from Ian and his 'best cuts') has said 'no'.

[Vicky] "you wouldn't believe how picky these people can be!"


A tiny new supplier with a product there's no demand for.

Vicky really doesn't get this whole business thing, does she?


Which is Scottish for bread.

Which Jazzer ate.

Which left Brenda with none to eat.


Jazzer's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.

Making an effort to be clean, he still gets screeched at by Brenda for eating what she reckons was her lunch.

[Jazzer] "tom just said to come and help myself"

[Brenda] "you cleaned us out ... I don't want your sandwich. I want my own! You greedy pig!!!"

Now, I think Brenda was making far too much of a fuss over what was basically one slice of ham and a bit of bread.

Jazzer didn't expect her to come home for lunch:

"They let you out for dinner then eh? Con man Crawford and his missus"

And I think he was quite right to leg it as Brenda's rant reached a peak.

Brenda just doesn't want Jazzer around. Tom's being his usual blinkered self. Jazzer can't win.

Peggy gets a gold star!

Was it just me, or was Harry a tad patronising towards Peggy?

Why was he so surprised that Peggy could touch type, when typewriters have most definitely predate computer?

(but I will admit that Harry is starting to irk me. Just what is his angle?)

Peggy did actually sound like she knew what she was doing - maybe she just wanted to spend some one-on-one time with the hunky milkman?

Harry also sounded like he was enjoying his time with Peggy. Though it wasn't anything other than pupil/teacher appreciation:

"she's amazing isn’t she - a real super gran!"

And will we see Peggy on Twitter and Facebook soon? She sounded enthused by the idea of social networking, though I have a nasty suspicion she could end up downloading films without actually paying for them ...

Peggy wasn't so sure about things like Skyping. She thinks seeing someone you love, when they're actually far away, actually makes it harder.

Especially on kids.

Was that yet another dig at Kate?

A roaring trade in pasties

Never mind veal, Vicky and Tom should be battling over pasties!

Will had one the other week, now Mike has to make do with one after giving his lunch to Brenda.

(and I bet Brenda used to steal lunch money off the other kids at school. After all, she's happy to steal an older man's lunch!)

"It's like having a stray dog in the house"


Since when were strays dogs "idiots" with "no respect, no consideration"?

If Brenda had meant Jazzer had cowered in a corner, piddled on the carpet, then ripped open a few cushions, I could have understood.

But that just didn’t work, Brenda.

Does Harry really know what he's letting himself in for?

Mike's plan to get Jazzer out of Brenda's life, is to foist him on Harry.

And Harry seems quite happy at the prospect.

Why oh why oh why???

Is this all part of Harry's plan, or is he just that dense?

Surely he can't have failed to notice that Jazzer hates him, and will make his life (and home) a living hell?

With Jazzer completely cornered - Brenda's given him until the morning to get out, and Harry has a room - he has no choice but to bed down in Harry's pad.

"it’s a great little room jazz, and you’d be just the man to fit it"

(queue the music for The Odd Couple!)

The meat supplier says ...

... no!

[Vicky] "it was horrible ... he said no ... he doesn't want it ... no continuity of supply ...demand ..."

[Vicky] "it's no god Mike. I’ve failed. I can't sell it. we should never have kept those calves"

Oh dear. I actually feel a bit sorry for Vicky.

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

The Archers Thurs 14th Oct 2010: The Harvest Supper

The Archers: Kenton is interested in Kathy … Brian shuts up Kate (for a millisecond) and is in a rather good mood … Kate’s idea of motherhood … Kenton decides to help Jamie

  • Kenton and Alan like Jolene’s We Love The Bull t-shirt
  • We Love Jaxx
  • What’s Kenton’s motive?
  • “I think Sid would have been with you on that one”
  • Jennifer has no judgement when rushed
  • Daddy saves the day
  • Becky Simmons
  • Alan’s ‘bar wars’ joke
  • Brian’s good mood (courtesy of Matt)
  • Kate’s parenting tips
  • What’s funny about Peggy taking computer lessons?
  • “you find you have a civil war”

Kenton and Alan like Jolene’s We Love The Bull t-shirt

And so they should (though I haven’t actually seen one as yet …).

To date:

@welovethebull on Twitter has 567 followers

And the Facebook cause has 482 supporters

Are you part of the solution?!?

We Love Jaxx

Um …

Probably not.

I think a new bar in a larger town doesn’t quite qualify for such adoring support.

After all, there’s always another bar just round the corner.

What’s Kenton’s motive?

I might be wrong to question’s Kenton’s motives for helping Jolene, but it’s a habit born out of months of shouting between him and Kathy,

Showing special interest in why Kathy was too busy to get Jolene’s new menu flyers printed up, Kenton then offers to step in.

But why?

Is he just being nice to Jolene?

Is he trying to help Kathy out – by finishing what she couldn’t?

Or, is he trying to somehow show Kathy up? Demonstrate that he isn’t the useless piece of fluff that she’s painted? And that he’s actually a better neighbour than her?

I don‘t know anymore.

But Kenton actually being helpful has to be viewed with suspicion.

“I think Sid would have been with you on that one”

Realising that Kathy is having a tough time with Jamie, Kenton has a chat with Jolene about what to do.

He’d heard about the Barn Dance and the Bird Hide – but claims he hasn’t got involved because of Kathy (that she’d probably tear him a new one if he come anywhere near wither her of Jamie).

If Kenton’s being honest, he’s probably reticent to get involved because he knows he hasn’t been the best stepdad to Jamie, regardless of what’s happened between Kathy and himself.

[Jolene] “maybe he needs some man to man advice … I think Sid would have been with you on that one … I mean a quiet chant is not going to hurt”

[Kenton] “I owe it to Jamie. whatever Kathy thinks, I’ll have to give it a try”

I, for one, wish Kenton every bit of luck in his endeavours to help Jamie.

If only for some peace our end …

Jennifer has no judgement when rushed

And as a result, I do worry about the output of her baking efforts (was there too much sugar?).

But then again, Jennifer doesn’t seem to have good judgement at the best of times.

While not going back years upon years to revisit the mistakes of her youth (*ahem* Adam *ahem*), Jennifer seems to completely lose all common sense when it comes to her daughter Kate.

While she gives her other daughter’s husband a hard time for not being quite ‘of standard’.


Surely Kate should be the one getting a hard time, rather than the very affable Chris?

Jennifer seems to prefer getting angry about Kate kicking her off her own computer, than telling Kate to just go away.

And does Jennifer really think that Kate sees her time in Ambridge, away from her kids in South Africa, as a “big sacrifice”?

Maybe Kate does have some human emotions from time to time, but surely Kate just mainly thinks about what’s good for Kate?!?

[Jennifer to Peggy] “she's quite sensitive about it  …  so we all have to be careful what we say”

I think too little too late. Peggy’s already given Kate a telling off for her rather inept mothering skills – do we think she’d hold back from any further home truths?

That Kate ignored Peggy’s mention of Jack (has Kate been to see him yet), instead ploughing into Jennifer for not taking Ruari to the Harvest Supper – Kate’s behaviour just gets more and more self-obsessed … and rather bizarre.

[Kate] “oh for goodness sake! So he stays up late - it's not going to hurt him!”

Seriously. What’s the problem with wee Ruari having a restful night ahead of school, rather than a night in the pub?

Daddy saves the day

Brian’s bought Kate a new laptop.

Taking the path of least resistance to the squabbling between the womenfolk (over the desktop computer. That Jennifer owns), Brian yet again spoils Kate.

Here’s an example of why Kate is such a brat!

Jennifer also mention that Kate’s new laptop was:

“much smarter than mine”

Oops Brian.

Keep daughter happy at the expense of your wife? I’d almost think you were an amateur at this …

Becky Simmons

Lives at Grange Spinney and is quite suitable to babysit Ruari.

(more to follow if we’re told anything else!)

Alan’s ‘bar wars’ joke

Which I only got a couple of days after I heard it.

“maybe that's why I’m a vicar and not a stand-up comedian”

Ah, but we still like you and your funny nicey-nice ways.

Brian’s good mood (courtesy of Matt)

Thoroughly enjoying the Harvest Supper at The Bull, Brian seems to be slightly more chirpy than usual (or for a man of his tastes at a Harvest Supper at The Bull!).

Seemingly Matt’s confirmed that the deal is on.

Lilian shall be on the board (of a new company) and Matt gets a few pennies from the sale of his ransom strip.

Triples all round!

Can’t wait to hear the first Board meeting …

Kate’s parenting tips

Good lordy. Can’t anyone shut Kate up!

I’m surprised Peggy was so composed (maybe she thinks Kate will keep for another day), but astounded both Brian and Jennifer didn’t slap her!

[Kate] “Mum stop worrying! Stop cosseting him … all these middle class English kids are so feather bedded and over protected …  he'll grow up totally neurotic”

[Kate] “it’s so different back in South Africa …”


I suppose, after all, the only reasonable response to Kate’s outburst was Peggy’s:

“I’m so pleased to hear, dear. Would you like some more pickle?”

What’s funny about Peggy taking computer lessons?

Tell me, Jennifer.

Why’s that funny?

On yersel, Peggy, I do declare!

“you find you have a civil war”

Brian corners Alan to have a chat about the Peregrines.

As we know – Will’s not happy (because he’s a gamekeeper).

The church goers are not happy (“worrying about dismembered corpses in the churchyard”)

“Mrs. Harvey worried about her ornamental doves”

Alan’s finding that like “a lot of bright ideas”, this one seems to have spikes.

Just wait until Lynda finds out there’s opposition to her plans …

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

The Archers Wed 13th Oct 2010: Will has a Peregrine problem

The Archers: Nic joins the WI ... Ruth takes Josh to the dentist ... David helps another farmer ... Jamie and Kathy go to school

  • What problem will Will have with the WI?
  • The Peregrine issue finally takes flight
  • In Brian, there's a gossiping old woman trying to break free
  • TB makes a comeback
  • Zero cavities for Josh
  • "Don't mention the Barn Dance"
  • You may be laughing now, Jamie, but ...

What problem will Will have with the WI?

Well, he couldn't. If he was a fair and reasonable person.

Which, of course, Will is anything but.

Nic sounded absolutely delighted with her first WI visit. She got her nails done, met lots of nice folks and is looking forward to Sabrina's talking about her holiday to Croatia (!).

So surely, Will can’t have an issue with her going regularly?

Surely, he can see how happy t made Nic to get out, meet new people and have fun??

As her partner, Will must (surely, surely!) want Nic to have something in her life other than work, the kids and his pasties???

Hmmm. This will end in tears, one way or another (unless Harry manages to whisk Nic away on his white bicycle!)

The Peregrine issue finally takes flight!

It feels like years since they were first mentioned, but all has become clear.

As well as the church folks worried about whether it’s correct that a church is used to encourage birds of prey (as well as potentially dropping kill and bodily matters on their heads), Will has realised what's happening.

(does Will live in a complete anger daze? Did he miss the pub chat as well as all the notices round the village?).

As a gamekeeper, Will's not happy that the Peregrines will be encouraged to stay around the area. He reckons:

"you can bet a falcon would take a partridge if it's flying"

Brian agrees with Will, and is going to take it up with Alan.

But - on checking the RSPB website, I found that Peregrines eat

"Medium-sized birds, such as wading birds, pigeons and small ducks"


"Peregrines have suffered illegal killing from gamekeepers and landowners, and been a target for egg collectors, but better legal protection and control of pesticides (which indirectly poisoned birds) have helped the population to recover considerably from a low in the 1960s."

(read the article by clicking here).

I live in an area where Red Kites have been re-introduced, and was at a Community Council meeting where a very nice chap from the RSPB gave a talk about them.

Despite only eating "Carrion, worms and small mammals", plus scavenging, Red Kites were almost made extinct by folks thinking they ate lambs and other small livestock/game birds.

At the meet, and despite the very detailed reasons the RSPB chap gave for why Red Kites should be welcome rather than hunted down again, quite a few people would not shift from their view that Red Kites are a menace.

I suppose it's a case of some folks not wishing to be told facts, choosing instead to base their opinion on misinformed fables.

Will is certainly not a man to take to 'new ideas' easily, so is likely to cause huge headaches for Lynda and her fellow Peregrines enthusiasts.

Lynda Vs Will?

Despite Will's aggression, my money would be on Lynda.

In Brian, there's a gossiping old woman trying to break free

He puts a swagger on it, but Brian's tends to be a bit interested in local gossip.

And not in his macho, manly way.

David and Ruth didn’t give him the chat he was looking for about the Barn Dance

"There was no real trouble at all"

But, of course, that wasn't why Brian was there in the first place ...

TB makes a comeback

But not to Ambridge itself.

As well as gossiping, Brian was in seeing David to ask if he could give Jim Evans a call, in David's capacity as NUF rep.

Jim Evans is seemingly a farmer over at Leyton Cross. Though he doesn't farm now, his nephew Donald has kept his place going.

Having been shut down with TB for two years, they've just had the horrific news that half a dozen of their cattle have reacted to testing again.

Brian, being in a nice mood, would a good chap asking David to try and help Jim out.

I didn’t know this, but there are "fattening" places that farmers can send some of their infected stock, to at least be able to make something out of their herd.

Good good.

Here's also hoping TB does manage to stay away from our Ambridge folks as well.

Zero cavities for Josh

Well, we wouldn't expect anything less.

Josh is such an angel, compared to his now ex-mate Jamie ...

"Don't mention the Barn Dance"

David's no Basil Fawlty, but that was actually quite witty of him.

You may be laughing now, Jamie, but ...

... being dropped off and collected from school will utterly trash that rebel persona you've been so tenderly nurturing this last while.

After getting shouted at by Jamie’s teacher for his all-round rubbish behaviour, Kathy's desperate.

[Kathy] "you don’t leave me any choice"

[Kathy] "I can't let you waste your life Jamie ... throw your chances away"

[Kathy] "what have you got to say?"

[Jamie] "yeah .. do whatever you like ... I really don't care"

Argh! How much do we all have to take from this little thug?!?

I realise Jamie has had a horrific time losing his dad, but really, what has to happen before he meets Kathy half way?

And what else can Kathy do?

While I’m not Kathy's biggest fan, she really hasn't got many choices left, considering Jamie won’t listen or even try.

If he's a big enough lad to not need school, not listen to his mum, smoke, drink and stay out all night - maybe it's time he stopped assuming mum will be there to wash up after him.

The army, prison or kicked out of the house. I know that's harsh, but Jamie is quite simply running Ambridge for us all!

If you can't lead a teenager to talk about their problems ...

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

The Archers Tues 12th Oct 2010: Vicky’s calves are ready

The Archers: 12 new heifers for Ed and Mike … Vicky’s the business … Hayley annoys Kate

  • “Are these them?”
  • Come get your veal
  • “you seem a bit stressed out”
  • Kate’s got a touch of frost
  • If I had a photograph of …

“Are these them?”

Ah Vicky. You not only have a supreme command of the English language, you also are quite good at asking the bloomin’ obvious …

Yes. Those cow shaped things Mike and Ed were putting in the fields were indeed cows.

Come get your veal

Vicky’s disappearance for the last wee while has also caused her to forget she was trying to sell veal.

It took Ed to remind her that her calves are “almost up to weight”, and will be ready by the end of the month.

So off Vicky trots to harangue some unaware buyers.

At first getting no firm orders, Mike tried to bolster Vicky up by looking on the bright side

“At least you have no firm ‘nos”

Nice try, but a pie maker in Felpersham seeming gave a resounding no.

Not to be put off so easily, Vicky even called a buyer at home.

I’m very surprised that they didn’t just slam the phone down. The cheek of the woman! I’d imagine someone at that company will be handed their cards quite soon (it’s hard enough to even get an email address out of some businesses these days).

So am flabbergast that they seemingly sounded interested, and have invited her to meet with them on Friday.

“so, I think we're in business!”

Hmm. We heard that last time Vicky was trying to sell veal, when she only managed to get a fairly non-committal response from Ian.

Has she completely gone off the idea of pies?

Maybe Brenda was (finally) nice enough to tell her that Tom’s research showed there was no market for them.

“you seem a bit stressed out”

Poor wee Phoebe.

She’s picked up on Hayley’s constant anger towards Kate (hard not to, really). Phoebe even checks that Hayley is okay with her going to Home Farm .

That’ll take a lot of therapy later in life to sort out. She calls both ‘mum’ to their face, but Hayley’s mum to others, and Kate is Kate.

That’s got to confuse somewhere deep down … Sounds like Phoebe is trying to please everyone all of the time.

Phoebe is also quite adept at dropping adults in it.

This time, she tells Hayley about Kate being upset over Nolly’s email.

Which then leads to …

Kate’s got a touch of frost

Kate’s in a general hump with Hayley for the recent dressing down she got over Phoebe missing a day of school (and the subsequent letter from the school).

Despite Hayley trying to make general conversation, Kate was only giving grunts.

Ooh, catty!

Now, I’m not sure whether Hayley meant to offend Kate, or whether she was still just making conversation, but she brought up Nolly. That Nolly had said she was lonely and missing Kate.

Boy oh boy – was Kate’s response pure white anger!

Later speaking to Jennifer:

“you think it's all in my head … that I'm just being paranoid”

Well, the jury’s out on that one for me. I think Hayley has it in her to wind up Kate, but I also think Kate’s touchy for a very good reason.

She seems desperate to be in constant contact with Nolly (even potentially being late to collect Phoebe, while she check to see if Nolly is online).

So, going back to the last few days, are we assume that not all is well with Kate and her family in Jo’Burg?

If I had a photograph of …


(sorry – sing that line above to the tune of Wishing (If I Had a Photograph of You) by A Flock of Seagulls – then it’ll make sense. But it still won’t be that funny …)

Ed’s taking pictures of his new cows so that he can keep a check on their progress.

How cute!

Remember he also gives his cows names rather than numbers.

And that’s where all of our milk should come from. Farms where the farmers see their cows as live animals, deserving of a bit of respect and care.

Good on you Ed. What a long, long way you’ve come since your youthful days …

The Archers Mon 11th Oct 2010: A Letter from Jamie’s school

The Archers: Jazzer's making a mess of it ... Jamie’s in trouble (part 337, Season 89) … Harry is odd

  • Jazzer brought a mate home ...
  • ... who wears tights
  • Steady on Harry!
  • "fun, brilliant things for folks to do after the harvest supper"
  • Harry and the Silver Surfers
  • A fresh start that went rotten after seconds
  • Sir Harry

Jazzer brought a mate home

And Brenda's not too happy about it. Not happy about it at all.

Although Jazzer brought his mate back, he managed to do so quietly enough not to wake Tom or Brenda.

"I didnae want tae make a rumpus"

Which surely is a good thing, but I suppose it made the surprise of the mess in the morning all that more unexpected and annoying.

Jazzer had to sniff the remnants of the take away to remember what it was ("chicken korma"), Brenda was especially unamused to sniff the remnants of smoking

Brenda was starting to sound a bit like Helen, and Jazzer had a point

"you cannae always be on parade"

but making Brenda so unhappy so soon was not clever. Especially when she quite often has the casting vote when it comes to household matters.

... who wears tights

I really do think some of the Ambridge residents need to get out more.

Whoever said that Jazzer's mate was a bloke?

And can't blokes wear tights.

(erm .. actually that doesn’t work. The next question would be why the bloke took off the tights. As well all know, Jazzer's strictly a ladies man).

Either way, Jazzer's made a mess at Tom and Brenda's, and has also been caught taking a young lady back.

Brenda was most decidedly odd about it. That she was angry to find the tights was understandable (to a degree), but why the fuss over when she found them:

"under the settee, at dinner time"

Did it matter that it was dinner time? And what on earth was Brenda doing under the settee while having said dinner.


[Jazzer] "she's a sweet wee lassie but she still lives with her ma .. and I’m trying to wean her off the fags, even bought her nicotine patches"

[Brenda] "I don’t want to interfere with your love life but I don’t want it all over my settee"

Actually - Brenda does have a very going point to make about love life and settees.

But what's the solution?

Jazzer gets kicked out, or Jazzer goes celibate?

Steady on Harry!

"just a half of coke"

Phew! I'm glad he didn’t push the boat out and go for a whole pint. Can you imagine how hyper he'd have got with all that sugar!

"fun, brilliant things for folks to do after the harvest supper"

The answer is seemingly bar games.

That'll really 'wow' the punters.

I suppose Harry's idea is probably just right for the type of clientele who'll be looking for fun and frolics after the Harvest Supper.

So it's a "proper tournament" of dominoes, bar skittles and a ha'penny board.

Do we sense Jim trying to win back some ground after his failures at the Flower & produce Show and the recent pub quiz?

Either way, we should all be very thankful that they dismissed the karaoke idea so quickly.

Unless, of course, it’d mean we’d get to hear Jazzer’s wonderful signing again (and still no sign of it on iTunes. You’d have thought a canny lad like Jazzer would have had it straight up there!).

Harry and the Silver Surfers

(wonder if JK Rowling wants that for a book title?!?)

Harry's next idea for We Love The Bull is to use The Bull's computers to give 'older' folks lessons in how to use computers.

Not a bad idea at all.

But hardly as outstanding as Fallon gushed:

"that's fantastic ... you’re so creative're wasted on that milk round"

Yup. I get the distinct impression Fallon's falling for Harry. Too little to late (or even too little and not remotely reciprocated?!?).

A fresh start that went rotten after seconds

After all of her 'friends' trying to help yesterday (I noticed Pat wasn't trying to foist her shoulder onto Kathy, which is the sign of true friend), Kathy has yet another attempt at trying to calm her relationship down with Jamie.

It was a very one sided "fresh start", with Kathy asking for better communication

"like normal families do"

(Eh? I think Kathy and Jamie have a very 'normal' mother/teenage son relationship - lots of shouting and slammed doors - sounds quite right).

Jamie, as per, was grunting his consent just to get Kathy to be quiet for a moment.

Then Kathy finds a letter from Jamie's school. Can you guess what's next? Jamie certainly did. He ran out of the door faster than a greyhound who has spotted a real rabbit.

When she later tracks him down, it’s to give him a bollocking.

Jamie’s had three unauthorised absences over the last few weeks, and has lows standards of “attitude” and “behaviour”.

Which means a trip to the school for both Kathy and Jamie to get shouted at by his teacher, which will lead to Kathy shouting at Jamie, Jamie shouting back …. Sound familiar?

I do feel for Kathy. Jamie’s being a complete numpty, especially considering he has his exams this year.

And, as Kathy pointed out, bunking off is against the law.

Which could mean Kathy ‘doing time’.

Question is – how does she stop Jamie behaving like this?

And how does she does that before she gets arrested?!?

Sir Harry

I know it's unfair to be suspicious of someone who never drinks, but there has to be something more to Harry than he's letting be seen.

Jazzer's on at him again for being so 'helpful'

"are you after a statue on the green ... Sir Harry ... the man who saved the bull"

but he does have a good point to make.

Why is Harry so determined to do god deeds? His We Love The Bull campaign, endless great ideas to help out the very unimaginative Fallon and Jolene, and now him giving up some spare time to teach Silver Surfers ... what's the catch?

Harry has once bitten back at Jazzer, and he was decidedly smug when Brenda brandished those tights.

"Jazz ... you are so busted"

Harry’s glee was palpable. Which wasn’t not an attractive sound for him.

Harry is right to bite back, enough considering all the grief Jazzer hands out to him, but did I sense a touch of 'not so nice Harry'?