Saturday 19 February 2011

The Archers Wed 16th Feb 2011: Royalty comes to Ambridge

  • “Such an exciting day for us all”
  • Do Susan and Clarrie write for Heat?
  • Correction fluid?
  • Susan and Clarrie chat to Camilla
  • Poor old Lyndee, stuck in the lavatory
  • Ah – that explains Lord Netherborne
  • Too slow for Charles?
  • So – she laughed, and liked the shortbread
  • I refuse to even comment on Kenton and Jolene anymore
  • Camilla should have stopped
  • “Has anyone seen Oliver?”



“Such an exciting day for us all”

So says Lynda. But, I must admit, she doesn’t quite speak for me.

I wish no harm on the Royals, but am not particularly excited about them or their doings.

My only joy out of this particular Royal visit is the classic Lyndee moments it has helped nurture.

But ho-hum. Well done Camilla. I suppose if anything, there might be a bit of a flurry of donations and support for osteoporosis.


Do Susan and Clarrie write for Heat?

Arriving early to bag a good place to watch Camilla go by, Clarrie and Susan then go off into a ‘she’s thin, she’s fat’ commentary.

Almost like the ‘eeek! How horribly thin is she’, followed a week later with a ‘eeeek! How horribly fat is she’ in Heat magazine.

Anyhoo. The woman from the telly is too thin (and looks frozen) whereas Helen:

[Susan] “Helen looks the better for carrying more weight since she had the baby”


Correction fluid?

What is this outbreak of rudery (Jazzer re mantelpieces the other day) and *snort* suggestions?

Was that really correction fluid on Lynda’s jacket?

I hope so. The alternative is too awful to contemplate.



Susan and Clarrie chat to Camilla

After much cheering, flag waving and Susan reckoning Camilla looked in her direction – Clarrie and Susan then get to actually speak to Camilla!

Actually, they even shook her hand!!!

My. Giddy. Aunt.

And wasn’t Lynda overjoyed for them …



Poor old Lyndee, stuck in the lavatory

[Lynda] “You? The Duchess spoke to you? I’m afraid I was elsewhere when the Duchess came through reception … I was infact in the ladies when the Duchess arrived … it was a bitter blow, I’m afraid … I’m afraid I’ve missed my moment”



Ah – that explains Lord Netherborne

His osteoporosis gave Caroline and Camilla something to chat about.

[Camilla] “Poor man. Not many people realise that man are affected by it as well as women,. Is he in a lot of pain?”

And poor chap for having to have a fall just so Caroline could make small talk to Royalty.



Too slow for Charles?

[Caroline – still talking about Lord Netherborne] “His recovery is quite slow … to slow for him anyway

[Camilla] “I know the feeling …”

Did I hear that right?

Could that have been a comment on Camilla being impatient about Charles’ lack of crown?

Surely not?


So – she laughed, and liked the shortbread

Camilla did seem a nice sort, and was very nice to Ambridge’s nicest resident – Mr Ian Craig.

What was Ian’s problem with meeting Camilla, after she had especially asked for him?

Just nerves?

[Caroline] “She’s lovely. It’s just like talking to anyone else”

Caroline manages to persuade him to say help, which he does. Even though it was a tad excruciating hearing Ian bow so low that he must have scraped his forehead on the floor.

Still – Camilla did make a very apt comment when asking Ian how he wound up in Ambridge:

[Camilla] “Ambridge got its hooks into you … I imagine that happens to a lot of people”

Indeed Camilla. If only you know how very true that is for some of us. There’s a whole gaggle of Ambridge-widowers out there.


I refuse to even comment on Kenton and Jolene anymore

I can’t actually not – but must be firm that it annoys me that I have to.

I am hereby deciding that Jolene and Kenton are not going to get it on – and that I will not play along with the ‘will they, won’t they’ shenanigans.

Well … at least until they actually get interesting again .


Camilla should have stopped

Lynda is beyond consolation at missing her moment with Royalty:

[Lynda] “What have I got to look forward to? A bike ride home in the cold and dark followed by the parish council meeting”

And then her chain falls off.

But what’s this?

The sound of a car.

It slows down.

Lynda exclaims: “Oh! Your Royal Highness”

And then …

… the car carries on.

So Camilla sees Lynda struggling (in the cold and dark) with her bike, but doesn’t instruct her driver to give her some help.

I think that’s rather rude.

I’d have stopped. And I don’t even have a driver to do all the ,mucky work.

Still – mustn’t grumble – as Lynda was delighted.

[Lynda] “… I got the most charming wave and smile in return”

Her bubble can’t even be burst by Kenton and Jolene pointing out that she has oil on her face,

[Lynda] “Oh anyway. What does it matter. My own personal wave. There’s no-one else in Ambridge who can claim that!”

That’s kinda sweet, I suppose.


“Has anyone seen Oliver?”

Asks Caroline.

He was seemingly around yesterday, and is in the kitchen today, but we haven’t heard from him for many a month.

Suspicious …

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