Saturday 31 December 2011

Will’s Stag and Nic’s Hen Dos: The Archers Thursday 22nd December 2011:

  • Will’s late for his own do
  • Brenda needs a foreign pig farm
  • “Here’s to the condemned party!”
  • Tom makes use of a magazine rack
  • Elona's hubby selling knock offs?
  • Daniel Craig
  • A bit of tonic with your vodka
  • Ritual humiliation for Will
  • Helen is drunk
  • Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car



Will’s late for his own do

As he had a shoot on, which took time to clear up after, but netted him a fair amount of tips (his regulars knew he is getting married, so were generous).

He’s off to the pub, then a stand-up club, then a curry, then a club.

The girls are taking a limo to a club.

[Will] “It’s the driver I feel sorry for. Hope they’ve given him a set of earplugs”


Brenda needs a foreign pig farm

If she’s to persuade Tom to go somewhere hot with a beach.


“Here’s to the condemned party!”

So raised Helen at the start of Nic’s stag do.

A bit harsh, surely?

Though she sounded it in jest.


Tom makes use of a magazine rack

Says Brenda.

She keeps leaving holiday brochures lying around, but seems he tidies them up to the magazine rack without glancing inside.

Good that he’s a tidy lad, but who on earth has a magazine rack these days?



Elona’s hubby selling knock offs?

Tom spotted Elona’s Darrell in the market, selling t-shirts and mobiles. and stuff. off a stall.

Knocked off or legit?

Back to his stealing ways already?


Daniel Craig

Is what Kirsty reckons the hen night’s limo driver looks like.

[Helen] “Don’t distract him”

[Nic] “I’d have to see him in his swimming trunks to know if it’s Daniel Craig”

Seems Daniel drives a “nice and cosy and well stocked car”. Which keeps the hens happy.



A bit of tonic with your vodka

Kirsty had to be persuaded to do so …

But then a big thump is hear, losing nearly half the gin …


Ritual humiliation for Will

Sounds like the boys told the comic (at the comedy club) about Will being a gamekeeper.

The resulting jokes sounded quite blue …

The stags reckoned the comic explained why Will spends so time in the woods … though Will assures it was nothing to do with fairies, or teddy bears or picnics …

[Will] “People going home from here won’t have the first idea what we do for wildlife management”

[Tom] “Maybe so, but they are mighty impressed by what you do with badgers!”


Helen is drunk

It’s been a fair while since we’ve heard Helen merry on sherry. And she is actually merry this time!

The big thump we heard earlier was the limo running over some rocks, which have damaged its underside. So the girls are stuck in a country lane. But in comfort, with a stocked bar.

Helen goes out to see if she can get a mobile signal. No luck, but:

[Helen] “it’s strangely beautiful out here … full of stars”

There’s a big ‘hurrah!’ when the hens discover peanuts AND crisps.

And Helen seems delighted while taking a photo of Daniel Craig’s legs to put on the village website.

(he’s under the limo trying to fix it).

[Nic] “If this was the titanic, and we were about to go down, I can’t think of any better mates to share a lifeboat with”

Two hours later … they’re still in the limo, stuck in a country lane.

Daniel Craig had to sit in the front with crisps and lemonade (poor Daniel Craig).

But the hens sound happy enough. Especially Nic.

When it looks like help is coming, she doesn’t want the party to end. She tells them to tell their rescuers that they’re okay, and don’t require any assistance.

Then:

[Nic] “Why has the world turned blue?”


Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car

Will and Tom return back to Will’s. Tom is horrified to realise that Will is sober and also still has his own clothes on.

[Tom] “What’s the matter with us? Are we over the hill?”

But Will seems happy enough. He’d earlier thanked his mates for being there for him over the years, and that they were the best mates a bloke could have. He’d had a grand night.

Then the Police turn up at Will’s. They have Nic and Helen.

Seems the limo damaged was “terminal”. When Daniel Craig managed to walk to get a mobile signal, his limo colleagues were none too quick to come out and help. So, a motorist who had passed them had called the Police.

[Helen] “We just got a lift home with a rather tasty uniformed chauffer!”

[Nic] “After our captain Daniel failed to accomlp0ish his mission”

[Helen] “So he choose to go down with the ship!”

When Tom drags Helen off home:

[Nic] “I want to marry you, Will Grundy”

[Will] “It can’t come too soon for me”

Aw. And good luck to them.

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