Monday, 13 August 2012

There’s two “decent” gay bars in Felpersham: Mon 13.08.12

The Archers Monday 13th August 2012
  • Stuck between Matt and a Scooter
  • Three go Mad in Dorset!
  • Rave? Is it the Nineties?
  • Ian’s gaydar is broken
  • Ian wants to party with Pavel

Stuck between Matt and a Scooter

Darrell’s going to see Walters’ house again.

[Matt] “Good man, good man, pleased to hear it, knew you’d come to see it my way .. .we’d be doing them a favour Darrell.”

[Darrell] “Yeah but mate, it’s really not that bad …”

[Matt] “Never mind, the sooner we can persuade them to move out, the better.”

[Darrell] “I’ll be  honest with ya, I’m still not too happy about this business.”

I’m surprised Darrell got away with calling Matt “mate”.

Darrell insists he’s going to talk to Joyce and Arthur (aka the Walters) before he makes a decision about what to do.

[Matt] “If that’s the want you want to play it.”

[Darrell] “It’s the only way I know how.”

Later on, Matt meets Darrell coming out of the Walters’:

[Matt] “Keeping well, are they?”

Darrell starts going on about Joyce’s dodgy hip which, of course, Matt really couldn’t give a hoot about. He just wants them out. The hip is only another excuse to get them into an easy. Modern (tiny) flat (beneath Jazzer – who’s likely to be even more noisy now that harry isn’t there).

[Darrell] “It’s not on Matt, I can’t really do it.”

[Matt] “Just tell me it’s much more serious … the place won’t be fit to live in while you work.”

[Darrell] “I don’t know if I can Matt. They’re not stupid you know.”

[Matt] “You’re not trying Darrell.”

[Darrell] “They’re happy. This is their home … it feels a bit like harassment to me.”

[Matt] “Oh does it now … may it’s time to show me just how grateful you are … you’ve got a big heart and it’s in the right place … (but) … go home, have a think about it, and see if you can’t find a way to change your mind.”

When Darrell gets home, it’s Rosa’s bloomin’ scooter than changes Darrell’s mind.

She and Elona went off and bought it, for £50 deposit and no interest for a year.

Rosa goes on and on about how brilliant it is that Darrell can’t seem to tell her no.

[Darrell] “No, no of course you won’t have to take it back."

I can see why Darrell ended up in prison the last time. He has string principles, and is fundamentally a decent chap but he’s also a bit weak.

Three go Mad in Dorset!

Pip’s getting the milking lady cows in on her own.

David and Ruth (and Ben) are off on their holiday to Dorset.

For one while night!

Even though it’s such a short break (which hardly seems worth doing), Ruth still has to check-in

[Pip] “The cows, are fine, Josh is fine, the sheep are fine, and guess what, the house isn’t falling down either.”

Chill pill Ruth and David. Take longer, go further and don’t waste your time checking back.

Rave? Is it the Nineties?

[Rosa] “There’s a rumour that there’s going to be a big rave on Thursday night.”

[Pip] “Rave?”

[Rosa] “Like a massive party to celebrate the exam results.”

Goodness me – I haven’t heard anyone say ‘rave’ for many a moon!

Surely something folks of my age used to say when Rosa’s age – not Rosa’s age still saying it.

She’s an odd ‘un, that Rosa.

She was trying to find out if Pip or Josh know where the “rave” was – the seemed to be sad she wouldn’t be invited (she’s still a new ‘un) – then determined to crash it.

[Rosa] “who needs an invite!”

Ian’s gaydar is broken

Pavel’s round for tea at Ian and Adam’s.

Pavel was invited by Ian (Adam has no say in the matter – Ian was insistent) to help make Polish food. Pierogi, to be exact.

But Pavel has a confession to make …

[Pavel] “So I lied about my grandmother, she was a lousy cook, and she died before I was born.”

[Ian] “I fell straight for that one, didn’t I”

When Adam comes home, and Pavel goes to hunt the beer:

[Ian] “Have you heard the news about harry the milkman … I think it’s great .. .though he’s left a lot of disappointed women around Ambridge.”

[Adam] “Was that what you were talking about with when I came in?”

[Ian] “What, with Pavel? No. Does he even know Harry?”

[Adam] “Maybe not, but he’d be interested. Surely.”

[Ian] “Why? What? Really, are you telling me, he’s …”

[Adam] “Oh come, surely you must have …”

[Ian] “How do you know? Come on, what makes you so sure, have you actually asked him?”

[Adam] “No. What about that famous gaydar of yours?”

[Ian] “Alright, so maybe he is, but he’s said nothing to me about it.”

[Adam] “So why don’t you ask?”

Is it just me, or is Adam asking for Ian to find out that he slept with Pavel? And not by having to tell him himself?!?

As Adam leaves them in the kitchen:

[Ian] “He’s tired, he’ll soon perk up.”

[Pavel] “I hope so.”

(I wasn’t going to fall for mentioning any of the 'oh Matrons' being made in tonight’s eavesdropping, but am just about to)

I bet he does!


Ian wants to party with Pavel

Oh dear.

Later on in the evening, it sounded like Pavel, Ian and Adam were in the hot tub. Ian sounded quite merry indeed:

[Ian] “Toast, to the home farm arable manager, and to me not having to find a new job in Botswana … you only did it because you couldn’t bear to leave the hot tub behind!”

[Pavel] “To the hot tub, Na zdrowie”

The Pavel gets serious.

[Pavel] “I can say this now that there’s no secrets between us … I’m happy that you know.”

(well, Ian doesn’t know the half of it!)

[Ian] I’m so slow on the uptake. Adam got there way before I did I!”

(did he ever!)

Pavel starts talking about the sheer freedom Adam and Ian have. They can be together. Do what they like. Without fear.

(well, in some parts of Britain. There’s still plenty where they’d have their windows broken, or chased out with pitchforks)

[Pavel] “It’s like having to learn a whole new language, and sometimes I get it wrong, I can’t read the signs, you understand … but it’s still so much better.”

Ian tells Pavel he must make the most of him time over here. So Pavel asks where the “fun places” are. Ian tells him there are a  “couple decent gay bars in Felpersham”.

(who’d have thunk it!)

They also arrange to have a meet up before, and do something after, the Home Farm pickers party this Friday.

Adam agrees.

Oh this really isn’t going to end well …

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