The Archers Thurs 6th Jan 2011: Mistletoe Kits

• Pondering The Archers: One whole year
• Does Bridge Farm do sick pay?
• “Babies can bring a family together, if you’re lucky
• “She’s still so grateful …”
• “He was such a nice man”
• Dioecious
• Tony’s a man obsessed
• Not the bloomin’ yard tractor!
• Who does Henry look like?
• Shula reveals herself to Jim!
• Jim jumps off to the Druids

Pondering The Archers: One whole year

 I wrote a blog about the episode of The Archers which went out on the 6th of January, 2010.

One year on – I’ve now posted my ponderings on each and every recording of The Archers, from Jan 6th 2010 to Jan 6th 2011.

I often tell folks that I started the blog to save my partner from having to hear me prattle on about the events in Ambridge. Which I think that was the reason, but I also think that this has been a lot of effort, when I could have just phoned one of my friends (who are Ambridge eavesdroppers). Or, I could have just tweeted about it. Gone onto Facebook. Or the BBC’s message board.

(No – scratch that last one. Even now, I still think the folks on those message boards are a bit too angry)

Maybe it’s been more about The Archers than it has been about me.

Maybe the reason I started blogging is the same reason why millions of us tune in to hear the secret recordings of Ambridge.

It’s probably the same reason why I can’t explain why I like The Archers so much.

Why I spend time after each episode blogging (often with a glass of cider – hence the spelling mistakes …).

Why I want to go to The Bull for a G&T with Lillian, and out on the proper Raz with Jazzer.

Why I wanted to take a contract out on Jude.

Why I fumed at Kenton and Kathy for continually shouting.

Why I was delighted with Alice and Chris for marrying (hurrah to Susan Vs Jennifer!)

Why I adore Ian so much, and loathe Tom ...

....

Why I had to sit quietly for a while as Jill realised Phil had died …

.....

Why I actually bellowed as Nigel screamed in terror as he fell off Lower Loxley’s roof …

(and I could go on and on).

Why?

I think, therefore I Ambridge*

Cheers for reading!


Does Bridge Farm do sick pay?

Clarrie’s over for a cup of tea and a chatter with Pat.

We haven’t heard from Clarrie since before Christmas, but her hand is a lot better (though not totally mended), and she sounds keen to get back to work.

I wonder if that is out of concern for Pat’s workloads, or whether it’s because Bridge Farm doesn’t do sick pay?


“Babies can bring a family together, if you’re lucky”

[Pat] “Turned out for the best … where’s Tony’s concerned, certainly … you know he had his doubts … but now he could be happier. And he’s completed besotted by the baby … he and Helen are getting on so well”

[Clarrie] “Babies can bring a family together, if you’re lucky”

Oh dear. Sounds like there’s disquiet in the Grundy household.

It seems Clarrie’s hardly seen anything of Emma in the last wee while.

Despite Clarrie being one hand down. And despite Emma being pregnant with Ed’s child.

Clarrie may be a nice lady, but I really wouldn’t annoy her again if I was Emma. She can be quite protective of her grandkids, as well as her sons, I reckon.



“She’s still so grateful …”

Did anyone else hear anything odd in Pat saying about Helen:

[Pat] “She’s still so grateful he’s here and safe and healthy”

Note the word ‘still’.

Does that mean, anytime now, Helen will get over the sheer relief of Henry being okay, and revert back to Hellin?

I hope not. I’ve spent the last few days telling everyone ‘I told you Helen wasn’t that bad’.

Don’t let me down now!


“He was such a nice man”

Well said Clarrie.

Pat’s feeling as much guilt as Helen does – over feeling so happy when there’s also a huge sadness in Ambridge.

I don’t think that can be helped.

Still, at least Eddie’s in Clarrie’s good books for taking the time to chat to Freddie especially, as Clarrie said, when so many people avoid the kids as they don’t know how to handle the situation.

A friendship formed as rats. Lovely.


Dioecious

You just know that when Joe Grundy starts using big words, Jim’s been involved in one way or another.

Joe’s out with (a very reluctant) Eddie, trying to fell ‘grow your own mistletoe’ kits.

Eddie doesn’t buy it. He can’t think of why anyone would want to grow their own. And if they did – it’d then cut into his own mistletoe supply business.

[Joe] “Oh, it’ll take years before that happens, I’ll be long gone”

[Eddie] “Oh thanks, ruin my business from beyond the grave, why don’t you!”

Joe then went onto explain the snazzy part of this scam.

Mistletoe is a Dioecious plant, which means (I have just found out), a plant which has separate male and female plants.

Which means it’s incredibly hard to grow.

(For some reason, Eddie finds the discussion about the male and female reproductive organs disgusting. Not prudish, are we Eddie?)

But, Eddie thinks that if no-one really has a chance of growing their own, he and Joe will have even less chance of selling them in the first place.

So, Joe reckons they admit it’s a “gamble” to prospective buyers, cut the price accordingly (to £5)

[Joe] “If there’s one thing that people like is as bargain, almost as much as a gamble … don’t you think are plenty of gullible idiots in grange spinney, as I do!”

But alas, dear Joe – he was wrong.

While blaming Eddie for not selling hard enough:

[Joe] “Folks could tell you got no faith in the product”

Joe also accepts that folks were put off by the fact that these kits were not a very exciting opportunity.

I blame Jim entirely. It was Jim that helped Joe check the internet for mistletoe information, so him that put Dioecious in Joe’s head in the first place.

And if it hadn’t been in Joe’s head, he wouldn’t have mentioned it to Eddie.

Which would have avoided them basically trying to sell something which they were also admitting probably would work.

And really – would it have mattered if they’d sold all those “gullible idiots” a dud product? Or are Joe and Eddie now taking Customer Relationship Management seriously …


Tony’s a man obsessed

We all think would happen when Tony first saw Helen’s baby – and right enough, the wee blighter has melted Tony.

But it does sound like Tony is now taking it too far:

[Tony] “I am a bit obsessed .. he is the most beautiful baby in the world”

Of course, he loves his first grandson, but his over-exuberance is also in-part due to guilt.

[Tony] “Pat, I’m sorry. What I put you through when Helen was pregnant”

[Pat] “You were entitled to you own opinion”

[Tony]

“I can’t think why made such a fuss about it now …

“When we were driving here on Sunday when I thought I might lose her and the baby, when I thought her dying memoires of me might be the arguments, and the coldness and my stupid stupid pride …

“what did it matter whether I was right or not?

“ How could I let things get so bad between me and my own daughter. I loved her. That was all that mattered”

[Pat] “The look on your face when you saw Henry … that was enough for her”

So, it would seem all’s well that ends well, with that side of the Archer clan.

Oh, wait a minute.

Was that a mention of a tractor …




Not the bloomin’ yard tractor!

I was about to throw something at my radio when Tony mentioned that the yard tractor was broken again … but it’s okay:

[Tony] “Oh, bother the yard tractor. Let it rust!”

Phew!


Who does Henry look like?

[Tony to Clarrie] “You think he looks like anyone?”

[Pat] “The right answer to that is - yes Tony, he’s got your nose “

I wonder.

Will we have the modern day equivalent of the search for Adam’s father – by folks trying to work out who he looked like?

That’ll be a job and a half. Surely it could be at least a few hundred local men?

We might just have to wait until Henry turns 18.


Shula reveals herself to Jim!

Well, not quite. But sort of:

[Jim] “Shula’s been a revelation to me … so strong for everyone else … I can see why Alistair married her now”

[Clarrie] “She is being brave … perhaps you don’t this, but she used to go out with Nigel”

[Jim] “Did She? Good heavens. All the more credit to her. They are quite a remarkable family”

As much as Jim can be a pompous irritant, he also often comes out with the most generous of statements.



Jim jumps off to the Druids

Back off to Jim and his “net” after his first failed attempt at selling Mistletoe kits, Joe’s at first perplexed to be getting a lecture about Druids

Seemingly, Mistletoe was important to Druids.

The Romans had problems when confronted with the magic and mystery of Druids.

[Jim] “It was said the chief Druid could fly”

[Joe] “They the ones that dresses up in white and dances round Stonehenge, is it?”

[Jim] “Oh Joe, there’s so much more to them than that. They have much to teach us”

[Joe] “Like how to fly?”

(*snort!*)

Just as Joe was about to lose the will to live, he’s perked up by Jim’s mention that Druid’s has rituals to make mistletoe grow, because it was sacred to them.

So we can now expect Joe to be outside in the freezing cold, dressed in one of Clarrie’s old frocks, chanting to his mistletoe kits.

Ah well. At least it get’s him out the house.



*which I am happy to admit is the quote from an Archers Addict mug, still available to purchase from them online.