- Not a grand day out
- Daniel gets ice cream
- Now Tony is shouting at Tom
- “close encounters of the bovine kind”
- The Spice Boys
Not a grand day out
Jazzer isn’t having a good bank holiday.
First, his aftershave isn’t in the right place. Harry moved it.
(are Jazzer and Harry swapping personalities? Since when did Jazzer care about what was where – and since when did Harry not have everything in its right place?)
Then, some lady called Nicolette had a better offer than spending the day with Jazzer (on a double date with him, Harry and Zofia). How very dare she! Jazzer was offering a hedonistic day of an early beer, a meal then a band. I’d have gone.
Even worse, Jazzer had done to a lot of effort:
[Jazzer] “I put my new trainers on an all!”
So Jazzer is now gooseberry to Zofia and Harry.
But it isn’t all bad. Seemingly the band they’re going to see has a lady drummer with more than just drumming skills to admire:
[Jazzer] “… a chest you could stand your pint on”
Daniel gets ice cream
Daniel did well in his exams, so Shula gets him Bridge Farm ice cream to celebrate (and to support her brother).
Never mind Daniel. I’m sure the “large cheque" Reg and Bunty gave you made up for it.
Now Tony is shouting at Tom
Tom’s being a bit in Tony’s posterior.
He’s going on about the surplus Bridge Farm is producing
[Tony] “Well, if you’re just going to stand there and point out the obvious!”
Bridge Farm manage to get the local co-op to take half of the surplus, but the rest have to be composted. Which is a shame, as much as it is a waste.
So with a surplus they can’t shift, and ever less orders coming in, Tony reckons they’re going to have to try and get by on the milk cheque and what the co-op pays for vegetables.
Which is not a great situation. So he certainly doesn’t need Tom making even more trouble.
Seems a very angry Deli manager left a message at Bridge Farm. He was furious that Tom wasn’t “straight with him” when he called to sell him Bridge Farm products. After he’d spoken with Tom, he’d checked Bridge Farm on the internet so, surprise surprise, he found out about the E. coli, and now doesn’t ever want to hear from Bridge Farm again.
Oops.
It sends Tony off on a rant about how it proves that Tom and Brenda’s work to cold call and re-do the internet is a complete waste of time.
[Tony] “I just can’t believe how naive you’ve been. If you thought that all our problems could be solved by being economical with the truth, you couldn’t have been more wrong”Blimey.
[Tom] “I haven’t been economical with the truth. And at least I’ve been proactive. Not just stuck my head in the sand waiting for it to blow over!”
[Tony] “No, you just thought you could get round it by pretending it never happened! The whole of the Bridge Farm brand is contaminated … it’s just not going to work”
Rebranding exercise, or does Tony mean they should just pack up completely?
“close encounters of the bovine kind”
Despite anticipation of the delights of the lady drummer, Jazzer’s day is getting bad again.
He’s being harassed by cows.
[Jazzer] “What’s it daein now, the cow, is it chasing me? I cannae look …”
[Harry] “It’s giving you the evils, does that count?”
Harry decided that they should walk to the pub, which has involved crossing a field with cows in it.
Though Jazzer works on farms, they doesn’t seem to be coping with these cows.
[Harry] “How does that make you qualified in bovine psychology?”
[Jazzer] “Cows can be vicious if you get on the wrang side of them”
[Harry] “What? If you support a different football team or disagree with their politics?”
[Jazzer] “You can take the mic, alright, but they’re moving here noo”
What’s more – Jazzer’s new trainers are not so new (or red) any more, after walking over the fields.
[Harry] “Another hazard of close encounters with the bovine kind”
That Harry, he’s a real wit.
Actually – he’s turning into a bit of an arse.
When they get to a kissing gate, he makes a play of having Zofia kiss him before she can get through.
That’s a bit unfair on Jazzer – he doesn’t need to see them slobbering over each other. He’s a third wheel today, and he also wanted Zofia.
The Spice Boys
So, to top it all, the band Jazzer wanted to see isn’t playing tonight. It’s karaoke instead.
Harry then signs Jazzer and himself up to sing. To The Spice Girls Wannabe. Which Harry and Jazzer are actually quite good at – and Jazzer certainly seems to enjoy, even though he’s worried about his reputation …
[Harry] “You came over really well as Scary McSpice”
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