The Archers Thurs 31st March 2011: Monte Carlo

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• It’s not Kathy that’s the problem
• Jamie is studying
• “Poor Lamb”
• Has Jennifer met her mistress?
• Was Jamie crying?
• Virginia Woolf reference
• Kathy won’t be bothered
• The first public kiss!

It’s not Kathy that’s the problem

Jolene reckons Jamie’s told Kathy about her and Kenton (why wouldn’t he?), so Jamie’s reluctance to see her/be at The Bull is down to Kathy not wanting him to do so.

Erm … I think it might have more to do with the fact that you’re stepping out with his stepdad, not that long after your husband – his dad – died.

Far closer to home, does the problem come from.



Jamie is studying

Jamie does go to see Fallon at The Bull, but asks her to help him study rather than watch a DVD.

If only Kathy knew, she might be a far calmer lady all round.


“Poor Lamb”

Would any of us have thought we’d see the day when the mighty Mr Jack Woolley was wetting himself like a child?

Later on, he didn’t want Jennifer to watch him eating his sandwich

Poor chap.

Lucky that he’s not really there to see it all.

At least Peggy’s still going strong.

[Peggy] “I thought I was getting feeble in my old age”

[Elona] “You, feeble? I don’t think so Mrs Woolley.”

Has Jennifer met her mistress?

I’m wondering if this Elona malarkey is just a red herring – but has Jennifer just meant Brian’s next love interest?


Was Jamie crying?

As Jamie leaves The Bull by the back door:

[Jamie] “I came this way as I thought you were in the bar”

[Jolene] “Bad luck …”

Jolene really is in the mood for apologies – mainly as she feels she has nothing to apologise for.

But now that she has Jamie cornered, she’s going to talk with him. Whether he wants to, or not.

Lamenting the huge change in their friendship recently:

[Jolene] “The difference must be because I’d started seeing Kenton”

[Jamie] “Oh, well done …Why Kenton? Why, with all the blokes out there, did it have to be him?”

[Jolene] “It’s partly because Kenton isn’t new, I knew him before as a friend, and course, he knew your dad as well”

[Jamie] “And he lived with my mum … doesn’t it make it kinda creepy?!?”

(yup Jamie – I reckon it is)

Jolene tells Jamie that she’ll always love Sid … and Jamie, because he’s part of Sid.

Now, I’m sure I heard Jamie quietly crying in the background, but Jolene didn’t seem to notice, and certainly didn’t mention that he’d cried when she was speaking later to Fallon.

Odd.

Anyway – looks like Jolene’s struck a chord.

Jamie and her are pals again.


Virginia Woolf reference

Elona’s telling Jennifer about her daughters (while Jennifer has to leave Jack and Peggy, eating his sandwich).

Her daughters are Anna (13) and Rosa (16).

Anna is pianist (or at least, quote good at piano), but Rosa was made out to be a bit thick.

But:

[Elona] “If you ask her, what she says she wants most is a room of her own”

I wonder.

Is it Elona or Rosa who has got to grips with Virginia Woolf?



Kathy won’t be bothered

Jolene reckons that Kathy won’t be that bothered about her seeing Kenton.

Eh?

[Fallon] “Even so, for her, it’s like history repeating itself”

Quite right Fallon.



The first public kiss!

Kenton’s all very excited about a present he’s got for Jolene.

Turns out to be a book on Monte Carlo.

Jolene’s a bit slow to get the point:

[Jolene] “It’s a little bit random, isn’t it?”

Course – Kenton’s gifting a trip to Monte Carlo. Three whole days.

[Kenton] “Seemed liked your kinda town, baby”

[Jolene] “And how! Oh you gorgeous man!”

And they have their first public kiss.

Aw!

To be cynical for just one moment – if Kenton is basically trying to get his leg over, that’s quite an expensive way of achieving it.

Jolene has already expressed her consent.

But, to not be cynical, maybe Kenton just wants to go that extra bit further to make it all unique and special (well, he has to do something to ensure he’s not going to be compared to Sid!)

[Kenton] “You’ll need something smart for the casino, but for the rest of the time ….”

I’m telling you – shower scene ahoy!!!

The Archers Wednesday 30th March 2011: Elizabeth wants Roy … permanently

• Ruth beginning to understand?
• Usha ain’t a country gal
• What did Usha expect?
• Elizabeth will be on about the pop parade next
• “He’s wonderful”
• “She brings her own mop and bucket”

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Ruth beginning to understand?

I’ve largely been on Ruth’s side while David’s been ignoring her and Brookfield- but maybe she’s right that David does need more time before he can ‘move on’ from the horrific experience of seeing Nigel fall to his death.

He’s been very quiet since the inquest. Having to relive it couldn’t have been easy.

[Ruth] “Maybe it’s too soon for him to feel that this is an ending of some sort”

Usha ain’t a country gal

I do adore Usha’s complete lack of knowledge about all things farming. Especially that she doesn’t try to pretend, or apologise, for it.

[Usha] “I saw him (David) guiding some sort of machine into one of your fields”

I live in deepest Galloway, and also don’t have a clue. Some of us are here, love where we are, are part of where we are – but not being able to tell the difference between different bits of farm equipment doesn’t make us any less rural. We have our other ways.



What did Usha expect?

Usha’s not happy about Jim’s choice of Ovid's Metamorphoses.

Now there’s a surprise!

Funny thing is that she asked him in the first place.


Elizabeth will be on about the pop parade next

Making Roy blush as she heaps praise onto him for her sterling work, Elizabeth’s also on about his notion of having gigs at Lower Loxley.

[Elizabeth] “I like your rock concert idea”

Oh ra ra ra!

She made it sound like some ancient prog-rock band would be turning up, rather than a current combo.

Bless her and her posh, antiquated ways.


“He’s wonderful”

Elizabeth is pondering about offering Roy a job.

[Elizabeth] “He does what I would do, or what Nigel would have done”

Shula is utterly horrified.

Not about the comparison to Nigel (which I found to be the slightly worrying bit – it all sounds like a bit of an indecent proposal to me), but that Elizabeth would poach Roy from Caroline. When Caroline only lent him in the first place to be a good friend and neighbour. Stealing him away would be a bit of a slap in the face.

Having a chat with a (rather distracted) David later on, Shula’ s a tad annoyed to find that he doesn’t agree with her.

He reckons that Roy might actually be ready to leave Grey gables.

[David] “He can always say no”

[Shula] “So you think it would be okay … ethical?”

David then kicks off on a major rant about how ‘ethical’ it is that Nigel has died, that Elizabeth has been left alone to cope etc etc etc

Come on David! Elizabeth hasn’t now got carte blanche to do as she likes.

Shula’s easily outraged at the best of times, but I reckon she’s right.



“She brings her own mop and bucket”

Ruth still doesn’t seem to be sure about her new cleaner, Patsy.

[Ruth] “Brings her own mop and bucket … doesn’t like our vacuum … and needs special wax”

Worse still, Patsy is demanding Ruth gets Josh’s and Ben’s bedrooms a bit more tidy. She’d like to be able to get to the floor through the ‘stuff’.

Fair do.

But it does sound like Patsy’s more work for Ruth than she saving.

The Archers Tuesday 29th March 2011: Nigel’s Inquest

• Don’t forget our Shula
• “They are only cows”
• Richard Rushworth – coroner for south Borchester
• Vicky is back, and in very good form
• David’s Inquest account
• Accidental death

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Don’t forget our Shula

If things had been slightly different, Nigel would have married Shula.

(well, if Shula had actually fancied him!)

Still, they were very good friends, and, as Shula said today, Nigel was incredibly supportive when Shula’s Mark was killed.


“They are only cows”

Just as David was leaving Brookfield to go to Nigel’s inquest, four cows were being taken away to slaughter because of Johne’s disease.

He’s a tad stressed and down about it, but is trying to keep it in perspective considering what Elizabeth has lost.

(How many cows do we reckon Nigel was worth?)..


Richard Rushworth – Coroner for south Borchester

Joined by Pam Clarkson, the Coroner’s Officer.

[Richard] “We’re here to induct an inquest into the death of Mr Nigel Gerald Pargetter. Its purpose is to establish the facts, who the deceased was, when, where and how he died …it’s an inquest not inquisition …”

At this point, I think we were all wondering if David would see it like that …



Vicky is back, and in very good form

I quite like Vicky.

Yes she’s loud and verging on offensive, but she doesn’t mean any harm. At least – she hasn’t so far.

She turns up as Hayley and Phoebe are shopping for Phoebe’s South Africa trip.

Phoebe’s being a bit stroppy (I paraphrase, but it was along the lines of ‘duh, mum. They have toothpaste in South Africa’)/

On chatting to Phoebe:

[Vicky] “You’re not happy about it, are you?”

Phoebe admits it’s all become such a big deal, and that she’s still stressed about it. Even with Jennifer tagging along.

But not to fear – Vicky has the solution, which she reveals as she takes them for something “nice” in Underwoods Café

As Hayley goes to get the something “nice”:

[Vicky] “What are you feeling then, Lovey?”

[Phoebe] “Three whole weeks. Without mum or dad. And Abby. And it’s Easter … It’s my own fault. I made such a fuss about going. And I can’t say anything now”

Phoebe still wants to go, but is feeling sad that she’ll be leaving her folks back in England – and she can’t talk to them about it as she made such a fuss to go in the first place.

[Vicky] “But that doesn’t mean like it isn’t perfectly normal to feel like you are. You have people you love in two different places”

So Vicky’s solution – buy Hayley something “nice” (she’s a poet and a half, is our Vicky), wrap it and hide it to be found when Phoebe has gone.
Buy something nice for them – hide it.

[Phoebe] “Oh Grandma Vicky … oh yes, yes please!”

[Vicky] “Oh look. I think I see cupcakes coming!”

Good on ya Vicky. Phoebe’s feeling bad that Hayley might think she doesn’t love her as much as she loves Kate (which isn’t true … I hope), so simple solution saves the day.

Brilliant.


David’s Inquest account

[David] “Nigel went out first … conditions dark … moon out … and it was cold … and the wind had got up a bit … tiles, bit of frost”

[Coroner] “You both start to inch your way across the roof …”

[David]” It wasn’t easy. Infact I slipped once. Nigel caught my arm. And then He volunteered to go and get the far end of the banner. He said he’d been clambouring around on that roof since he was a child … my end untied easily, the other end had been tied in a … it was more tricky”

[David] “Blew up … got caught on something … Nigel clamboured up after it … got loose again … flapped back in his face …started to slide down the roof … scrambling for footings with his hands and his feet … one of his shoes came off … I could see what was happening … I tried to get to him … Going through it now, I can see it all in slow motion. But at the time it was done in seconds”

On being asked by the coroner if he had anything else to add:

[David] “I’m so sorry Elizabeth!”

[Coroner] “Of course you are, Mr Archer. I’m sure we all are”

So – the banner was 10 foot – so David was a fair bit away from Nigel (so couldn’t get to him).

David also didn’t mention Kenton’s knot. Very noble and apt, but I wonder if that will come up in the next David/Kenton row?

And Nigel losing a show as he fell … that will stay with me for a long time.



Accidental death

[Elizabeth] “Accidental death. So. There we are”

And that’s that.

The coroner, everyone agrees, was very nice. And he said that because of the pitch of the roof, the frost and the banner – there was nothing David could have done.

But David still feels guilty. As he heads off to have a walk, he calls Ruth.

Trying to talk about cows rather than the inquest:

[David] “I said it was fine”

[Ruth] “David. This has to be an end to it, doesn’t it?”

[David] “An end?”

[Ruth] “It’s official. Accidental death. Case Closed. A line drawn under it. David, it’s over”

… we leave Ambridge as David is quietly sobbing down the phone to Ruth …

The Archers Monday 28th March 2011: Jolene’s a go-go

• Christine has a dental appointment
• Matt Crawford: a keen Gardners’ Question Time listener
• Jim likes Shula
• Kathy’s a clype!
• The Peregrines have Lynda to watch over them
• Jim has chosen the next Book Club book
• Clarrie has a plan
• Shower Scene ahoy!

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Christine has a dental appointment

Which means it’s up to Jim and Lynda to show the engineer from Gardners Question time round the village hall.

[Jim] “He’ll sound out the hall, literally”

And Pete (the engineer chap) was seemingly quite impressed with the hall.

(The tension, it does mount …)



Matt Crawford: a keen Gardners’ Question Time listener

Who’d have thunk it!

Despite Matt seeming to turn back to his bad old ways after coming out of Prison (lying to Lilian, scheming etc), one thing has changed.

He has found a love for horticulture.

[Jim] “Would you have Matt Crawford down as someone keen to get his hands on tickers for Gardners’ Question time?”

Mais non!

But he did do a lot of gardening on the inside (wonder if he managed to get roses to grow? The Prisoner Cell Block H ladies seemed to do quite well).



Jim likes Shula

And all it took was Nigel to die.

[Jim] “Shula’s strength and character have really come to the fore over the last few months. She’s been quite splendid”

Kathy’s a clype!

Clarrie was already too aware that Joe and Eddie had been up to culinary mischief on Sunday, but Kathy told her all.

[Clarrie] “They says all furtive like, that they had to go down the field”

So not content with almost being caught, Eddie and Joe had later stole off to collect their dinner from the shed and the van, then took it round Fat Paul’s to eat.

Cheeky!

Clarrie also found a dirty carving knife in a drawer, on top of her clean towels. So she didn’t really need Kathy to say anything.

[Clarrie] “Stood over them until they told me the whole story … I’m that ashamed of them, Jolene …Kathy though it was funny. But no, they need teaching a lesson”

Cripes. Clarrie does sound proper angry this time!




The Peregrines have Lynda to watch over them

They’re back, and it looks like Lynda reckons they have eggs.

She’ll keep them safe from those church goers (a bit of bird poop never did hurt anyone).




Jim has chosen the next Book Club book

And there was no great surprise what sort he went for.

Lynda though he might be reasonable and plump for one of his ‘Roman Detectives’:

[Lynda] “One doesn’t want anything too challenging for the likes of Joe Grundy”

But alas … Jim started waffling on about some roman folks I’d never heard of, and how the book should be:

[Jim] “A work with a far higher purpose.”

Hmmm.

So Jim’s choice is:

[Jim] “Ovid’s Metamorphoses … 15 books … I shall select a couple and let people know … it’s not as if I expect people to read it in the original”

*sigh*

Even Lynda was hard pushed to explain to Clarrie what the book was about. She started grasping at ‘something to do with changing … shape shifting’ and the like.

[Clarrie] “Maybe reading that will change him (Joe) into something I don’t have to be ashamed of”

Boy! Clarrie really isn’t going to let Eddie and Joe off lightly this time. No indeed not.


Clarrie has a plan

She’s going to set Jim on Eddie and Joe.

[Clarrie] “But this is bad, Lynda, even for Joe and Eddie”

(on Jim saying he thought their plan to get their Sunday dinner was ingenious)

[Lynda] “Ingenious! It’s downright deceitful”

So Clarrie decides that Jim needs to sort Joe out, as Joe actually listens to him.

Worth a try, I suppose.

But what about Eddie? Who on earth will he listen to?


Show Scene ahoy!

Kenton and Jolene are meant to be taking it slow, but are quite clearly very (very) attracted to each other.

Have a small mope that they won’t see much of each other over the next few days due to Nigel’s inquest (amongst other things), Kenton admits he loves being with Jolene all of the time.

[Kenton] “The phone is not the same as holding you … I know we said we’d take things slowly … but when I’m around you, I’m finding it really difficult”

(“No!”, I thought to myself “is he talking about adult liaisons???”)

[Kenton] “If, or when, you feel ready to mo9ve things on. Just say.”

(“Yes … they are talking about shagging!”)

And just as Kenton is about to leave:

[Jolene] “Oh, um, Kenton … I’m ready”

Cripes! Lock your children away from the radio … it’s about to get steamy.

The Archers Sunday 27th March 2011: Eddie cooks Sunday lunch

• Eddie went down the supermarket!!!!
• When it started to go wrong
• Can one play games over the phone?
• Even Kathy is sick of herself nagging
• Lunch at Emma’s
• Emma doesn’t want no Fool’s baby
• Now that’s taking the chicken!
• At least Kathy and Jamie laughed together
• Clarrie arrives home

Eddie went down the supermarket!!!!

Now that’s not a very Ambridge thing to do.

Needs must though, I suppose.

And what did he get for his and Joe’s sneaky Sunday lunch (which they’re not meant to have, as they’re meant to be forgoing for lent).

[Eddie] “ A nice plump chicken, a bag of frozen veg, roasties, and some mini Yorkshires”

Joe seemed quite taken aback that mini Yorkshires exist.

[Joe] “How do they do that then, supermarkets?”

So there we go – by cheating lent, Joe’s food experiences have widened!


When it started to go wrong

For starters – Clarrie decided she’d return home after Church, rather than go straight over to Ed and Emma’s (as Eddie and Joe had planned, and cajoled, for her to do).

[Clarrie] “I don’t expect she wants me for dinner at all except you two has gone and got me invited”

Eddie was cheeky enough to then say that Clarrie going to Ed and Emma’s would be a treat and a rest (aye right - her and Emma haven’t exactly been getting on recently), and Joe was quite put out that it would mean his Sunday lunch would have to be cooked late.

[Joe] “She ain't going out til nearly dinner time!”

Both Eddie and Joe completely missed the fact that Clarrie was returning home, mainly to iron their shirts.

(at this point, I was very happy that the forecast for them getting away with their dastardly plan was not at all good).


Can one play games over the phone?

Now I’m certainly no technophobe.

I have an iPhone (4), a Wii (free with a previous phone), 3 computers in the house (2 for work), know how to Skype, and can still set a video recorder.

But, I don’t get why/how Jamie was playing against Marty over the phone.

Were they playing something online while calling each other? Or can you play a game on a phone while on a call?

Enlighten me, someone. Maybe it’s my age. I did turn a whopping 35 today …



Even Kathy is sick of herself nagging

I don’t know about you, but the shouting between Jamie and Kathy seems quite muted compared to previous bouts.

Kathy’s also just fed up of the whole thing.

[Kathy] “Sometimes I really get sick of saying the same things, just like you”

She’s on at Jamie to revise, which is absolutely fair enough. That’s exactly what parents are for.

But, as per, he’s being a sarcastic wee blighter, who is bluffing just to get Kathy to leave him alone. That revision plan doesn’t exist, does it Jamie …?


Lunch at Emma’s

(Ed’s as well, but he was running late so we didn’t get to hear him. Also sounded like his lasagne was going to spoil … though it was last night’s (always better) and Emma now cooks up big batches to see them through, which Clarrie highly approved of. Anyway, I digress …)

As it’s Lent, Clarrie can’t have any tomato, pickle or salad with her bread and cheese.

Poor Emma (and you’ll not often see me say that) feels rotten having to give Clarrie such a basic meal. Especially considering their rather lukewarm relationship, recently.

[Emma] “It don’t feel very hospitable, that’s all”

But, not to worry, as Clarrie appreciates the thought.

In case Emma was still paranoid, Clarrie then says she has to rush off.

[Clarrie] “It’s been lovely. And really nice of you to have me. I’ve just got this feeling about Joe and Eddie ..”

Uh-oh!


Emma doesn’t want no Fool’s baby

[Emma] “I don’t want it coming on April Fools day and I’m determined not to have it on George’s birthday”

Seemingly George is being quite clingy – probably hasn’t got over the jumpers being thrust into his (chest of) drawers.

I wonder.

It would give Will so much ammunition if Ed and Emma did have a baby born on April Fools. Even more so if they ruin George’s life by having it on his special day.

George being too clingy


Now that’s taking the chicken!

Not content with pushing Clarrie onto Emma (and vice versa) – not content with sneaking around Clarrie's back – not content with taking the Michael out of Lent … Eddie then more-or-less wishes Emma to have a problem with the baby so that Clarrie will have to stay, and give him and Joe a chance to gorge themselves.

[Eddie] “If Clarrie stays with her, it will give us a bit more time, won’t it?”

Such wickedness? Eddie!!!

They had no idea that Clarrie was on her way home, then, just as they’re sitting down to eat, the phone rings. And rings. And rings. And rings.

It’s Emma, who is a very patient caller, to say that Clarrie has left her glasses at hers.

[Joe] “Clarrie’s coming!”

At least Kathy and Jamie laughed together

[Kathy] “What on earth …? What are they doing??”

Kathy and Jamie can see all of Eddie and Joe’s shenanigans from their window (I think they actually live in the cottage next to them – semi-detached?).

They spot Eddie running to the van with plates of food, and Joe running to the shed with pots.

[Jamie] “The Grundy’s are the best thing about living in Ambridge. They are crazy”

As much as I berate Joe and Eddie for their behaviour, at least they gave us a few seconds respite from the war that is Kathy and Jamie.


Clarrie arrives home

[Clarrie] “Have you been cooking summit have you? You know. Cooking. Food. You put it in the oven raw. It comes out cooked.”

(Eddie swears his innocence. Laughing at the very idea of him cooking)

[Clarrie] “Yes you. Cooking. ha ha ha”

(those ‘ha ha ha’s were said in a very mocking tone)

Clarrie says she can most definitely smell chicken, not quite masked by her air freshener.

[Eddie] “Too much cheese. You’re hallucinating”

But – what’s this - a classic mistake!

In their haste to get the good grub, Eddie and Joe had forgotten to eat (or hide) the bread and cheese Clarrie had left out for them.

Huge mistake.

Even if only bread and cheese for lunch, Eddie and Joe would have been bound to eat it.

Unless they had something better.

So, treating them like bairns, Clarrie makes them sit down to their cheese and bread.

While their Sunday lunch goes cold in the van and the shed.

Serves them quite right.

The Archers Friday 25th March 2011: Elona and Brian

• Cliff is the right choice
• Jill has a mocha
• Jolene’s thinking about weddings
• Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years
• All this talk of puddings …
• No-one has warned Elona?
• Jamie needs space
• The Bull’s Royal Wedding
• Just tell them!

Cliff is the right choice

Brian and Annabelle have chosen the Project Manager for the Mart – some bloke called Cliff who has ‘done’ a shopping centre.

Hmmm.

The only interest I have in the mart is Lilian. She manages to liven up even the dullest of Ambridge happenings!


Jill has a mocha

And also finds the seating in Jaxx to be to her liking.

[Jill] “Oh yes, this is comfortable. I’m never sure about leather furniture”

Jolene’s thinking about weddings

[Jolene] “Hello sailor!”

[Kenton] “What you thinking about”

[Jolene] “Weddings”

Steady!

Before we (and Kenton) have a heart attack – Jolene’s talking about the forthcoming Royal nuptials.

Actually … Kenton didn’t sound too upset to hear Jolene say weddings.

And, ‘what are you thinking about’ isn’t the words of a man taking it too slow …




Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years

And she doesn’t sound too perturbed by it.

Progress indeed.

However, Jill is in a ponderous mood.

[Jill] “It’s made me step back and ask some really big questions … indulge me … is the effort of running Lower Loxley worth the risk to your health … it crossed my mind, you don’t have to run the place, you could walk away”

Course – Elizabeth isn’t interested.

Jill does make some sense – Lower Loxley is in Trust, so it wouldn’t be lost to a hotel chain.

[Elizabeth] “It’s not what Nigel would have wanted.”

[Jill] “I don’t think Nigel would have wanted you to suffer”

[Elizabeth] “It’s Freddy’s future”

(my word – does that sort of thinking still really exist? That it’s automatically the boy who inherits?!? What a difference between Elizabeth and David – Pip looks like the chap for Brookfield).

[Elizabeth] “It’s not just bricks and mortar … his vision … it is Nigel”

But, where Jill loses one argument, she gains a small victory. Elizabeth is thinking of getting someone in to help cope with the office.


All this talk of puddings …

… has gained a great result.

[Jill] “I’m making a treacle pudding for the children … and Lewis”

No-one has warned Elona?

Peggy introduces Brian to Elona as he arrives to collect her from seeing Jack.

Elona’s Jack’s favourite staff member. I wonder if Brian can also see her charms …

While Brian takes a business call, Peggy settles down to find out more about Elona.

She’s from Albania.

[Elona] “I was brought up on a farm … modest, you know … there was no so much land for us both to stay there, and I not interested”

Elona then worked in a bar, where she met hubby-to-be Darren (or Terry – I heard Darren, but the BBC reckons Terry – anyone else hazard a guess?), who is from Coventry. She married him, settled in the UK and has two girls.

Her husband is a builder, who often works away from home. For weeks on end at a time.

Hmmm.

Not sure how ‘pretty’ she is (according to Brian’s standards), but high-time he was making jiggy again with someone other than Jennifer. Just for a bit of light relief … for us all.


Jamie needs space

Kenton and Jolene decide to keep giving Jamie space until he gets used to them.

After all, he is still speaking to Fallon.

Lucky, lucky Fallon!


The Bull’s Royal Wedding

So far – we have the wedding shown on a big screen and union jack bunting round the outside.

The menu is proving a bit tricky.

Kenton reckoned Coronation Chicken. And Windsor soup.

“Thin brown soup, followed by cold curry”

So that was quickly kyboshed.

Jolene had a fair few good ideas – roast beef and horseradish sandwiches – lamb – treacle sponge …

[Jolene] “I do like a nice trifle, though. Or how about queen of puddings”

[Kenton] “Ah, but she’s not the queen. As yet.”

(or ever!)

But what was Jolene on about when she mentioned Rhys’ idea of Anglesey eggs for the veggies?

Prince William being stationed there is a bit of a tenuous link for a wedding celebration, even though they sound quite nice indeed (leeks, boiled eggs, cheesy mash).

Tell you what – Ambridge knows how to celebrate a Royal Occasion! Bunting, beef and boiled eggs – oh my!




Just tell them!

Kenton had popped in to see Jolene, but had to go with Brian and Peggy to sit down as they assumed he was at a loose end.

Just tell them, for goodness sake!

Brian may have chocked on his non-alcoholic beer and korma – Peggy may have dropped her tuna sandwich – but you’re two adults who can choose to be together regardless of what anyone else thinks.

The Archers Thurs 24th March 2011: Lewis, Freddie and Puddings

• Free Roy!
• Oh, he’s quite happy. Actually.
• Emily Onslow
• Nasty Elizabeth
• Lewis on Julia
• Nasty Bert
• Roy’s good with flowers
• Grant is passionate about his savoys
• Topical insert
• Lewis says it with puddings

Free Roy!

I thought Caroline and Elizabeth were quite liberal ladies, but they’re starting to sound like slave traders.

Caroline’s agreed to give Roy for another week to Elizabeth.

He’s a man, not a stapler!



Oh, he’s quite happy. Actually.

Later on, as Roy’s talking to Lewis, he’s waxing lyrical about how impressive Lower Loxley is – big, luxurious and has a history.

[Roy] “I feel so energised this week, working here … I love my hotel work, but it’s quite repetitious … and there’s lots of potential”

And he’s off – talking to Elizabeth about strategies – bringing in younger people – rock bands – Glastonbury (which no, Elizabeth, is not quite the same as opera)

[Elizabeth] “I’m meant to be taking it easy this week, but here you are, firing up my brain”

oo-er!

Maybe Roy will have more than one position to fill!

(sorry – that’s very crude)

Anyhoo. I know I’d prefer to work for Caroline over Elizabeth, anyday.


Emily Onslow

VERY exciting news that Emily Onslow can judge the Easter Bonnet competition at Lower Loxley.

[Elizabeth] “she’s got that bijou hat shop in Felpersham”

And I thought having Camilla in Ambridge was a pinnacle!


Nasty Elizabeth

Everyone agrees that Lewis is still looking drawn and tired after his bout of flu.

But only Elizabeth is a bi*ch about it.

[Elizabeth] “You’re not responsible for everyone, mum”

[Jill] “Lewis is family”

Course he is! Which is why Jill is worried and wants to help him.

That Elizabeth can be such a selfish madam. If it isn’t about her, she isn’t interested.

Nevermind that Lewis was Nigel’s stepdad – moi, moi, moi!


Lewis on Julia

[Lewis] “Each room tells a story at Lower Loxley. I still expect to see Julia in every one of them … You and I lives our lives in black and white Roy, but Julia lives hers in a blaze of colour. Like a glorious, angry sunset”

[Roy] “The thing I remember about Julia is that she never could remember my name”

Nasty Bert

There must be something in the air, but Bert also turned nasty when talking to Elizabeth about the allotments.

Well, not exactly nasty. Just a bit pushy and insensitive.

Bert was laying it on thick that the allotments:

[Bert] “was like a last, big generous gesture”

Um.

I’m sure that wasn’t what Nigel was thinking as he screamed down to his death (“I’m so terribly glad I organised those allotments …”)

Bert’s worried as Elizabeth has delayed taking on seasonal staff for the Orangery until everything picks up again – and is determined to protect his beloved allotments.

Fair enough – good cause – laudable passion – but not quite the right timing.


Roy’s good with flowers

Or so it seems, if we can take Elizabeth’s reaction as an indicator.

What did he do to them that was so special?



Grant is passionate about his savoys

… but quite reserved in the shop.

So there you have it.



Topical insert

Elizabeth and Bert are talking about the clocks going back.

Bert’s happy as it means an hour longer in the allotments.

Elizabeth sees it as an hour less sleep.



Lewis says it with puddings

Lewis isn’t having an easy time of it.

Step-son dies. Gets shouted at a lot by his step-daughter-in-law. Gets the flu. And now seems to be peed off by some bloke at Lower Loxley.

[Lewis] “That man is a complete pain. Everything I say is wrong!”

(did anyone have a clue about who he was talking about)

Then Freddie gets on his nerves when Jill is asking what he wants for tea. Freddie wants lots of puddings Jill doesn’t have the ingredients for.

[Lewis] “Oh for heaven sake, Freddie you’re being very demanding. When I was a boy I ate what I was given!”

Jill takes him to task over speaking to Freddie like that. He is just a wee chap, who has lost his dad and recently had a scare over his mum.

Lewis is quite ashamed of himself.

[Lewis] “It’s been a whole since a woman told me off … I shouldn’t have spoken to him like that … I sometimes feel like the spare part around here”

Lewis later seeks Freddie out, as he’s visiting Cranford Chrystal. Lewis starts waffling on about semolina, and how he used to swirl the jam into it to make it pink, when he was a boy.

[Freddie] “Daddy promised I could join his pudding club this year”

Aha! There’s the reason for Freddie’s pudding obsession.

[Freddie] “What’s tapioca?”

[Lewis] “Frog-spawn, made with milk and sugar”

Lewis then mutters something about “lashings of hot custard”, and it seems they’re best mates again.

[Lewis] “I’m being a grumpy old man today. I can hear, but I just can’t stop it. We’re all doing our best, you know”

The Archers Wed 23rd March 2011: David and Ruth fallout over Johne’s

• Thought I’d stumbled onto an audio recording of Trainspotting
• David, Phil or Dan?
• Patsy and Horatio
• Poor Alistair
• A big boy did it and ran away
• George isn’t a happy chappy
• “You’re going a bit mad”
• Marty is back!
• Last man to see Nigel alive

Thought I’d stumbled onto an audio recording of Trainspotting

[Alistair] “It’s okay David, I’ve got the vein. Let me wipe it.”

Cripes!

It’s okay though. It was just Alistair testing the Brookfield herd for Johne’s Disease.

And anyway. Trainspotting is fiction.



David, Phil or Dan?

Alistair’s trying to reason with Ruth and David that Johne’s Disease could have been in the herd since Phil, and even Dan’s, time.

He also tries to explain that it could have been caused by “mismanagement, not just poor husbandry” – but either way, it sounds like someone (sometime) is to blame.

To make matters worse – while there is a vaccine, it’s one that interferes with TB testing. So is too big a risk.



Patsy and Horatio

Patsy, normally Brian and Jennifer’s cleaner, has started at Brookfield while Emma is off having the spawn of Ed.

And she seemingly has a cat called Horatio.

Fancy!

And what was the verdict on Patsy’s work?

[Ruth] “She was quite terrifying. Like a force of nature! I mean, Emma’s so easy going”

Later, Ed happens to say to Emma:

[Ed] “You should see David and Ruth’s kitchen, it’s gleaming!”

What an idiot. Emma then has to launch into how she does her best, but it is David and Ruth who are mingers (I paraphrase), and that Brookfield is so big.

I wonder what Ruth will find more important. A better cleaner, or a nicer cleaner.

From what Emma is saying, doesn’t sound like cleanliness is particularly high on Ruth’s priorities.




Poor Alistair

He asks both Ruth and David out for a drink, but only gets David.

That’s a shame.

David’s hardly the life and soul these days.



A big boy did it and ran away

Well, not quite, but I reckon that’s what David would have like to say to Ruth.

[Ruth] “Alistair’s talk of poor husbandry is quite timely, isn’t it … it was you who put off the repairs to the calf shed that caused them to cough”

[David] “Hey, that is not fair … if you had listened, Ruth, Alistair never said this outbreak had anything to do with recent lapses … it must have been in the herd for years”

[Ruth] “And I’m saying we shouldn’t be complacent, David. You’ve had your eye off the ball since January,. Your neglect could have devastating consequences down the line”

[David] “Don’t call it neglect”

[Ruth] “You left them in a draft in a bitter wind , what else should I call it … you were careless”

[David] “I did my best. But I head to give my time to Elizabeth. You were the one who was here, on the spot”

[Ruth] “Oh don’t you dare try to blame me for this … I kept this farm going. But I couldn’t do everything … (maintenance) if you dealt with them instead of playing superman at Lower Loxley!”

Thank goodness Ed interrupted them as he came out of Brookfield after collecting some of George’s toys. That was all very (very) shouty.

But I wonder is Ruth is right, and David is setting up disaster for whichever of their brood takes over Brookfield.

Later on, when David and Ruth have had a calm talk, and David meets Alistair for that pint, he’s also pondering if he’s setting Brookfield up for a fall.

[David] “It has made us question what we’re doing with the herd”

Main issue is whether he and Ruth have expanded the herd too fast.

Maybe. But it could indeed have been there for years – it could have been David’s ‘neglect’ – and, as Pip found on the internet, seemingly up to 50% of UK herds may have sudden clinical Johne’s disease.



George isn’t a happy chappy

Not only is he having to now share his drawers with the new (as yet to be born) baby – drawers for clothes, that is – his toys are also now being put away to create more room.

But not to worry, George.

Ed has the answer to all your woes.

[Ed] “Come on George, let’s settle you in front of the telly”

“You’re going a bit mad”

So says Ed to Emma.

Brave chap.

Emma does seem to be particularly stressed. Baby due. Lots to sort. And not enough temper to cope.

To top it all, Clarrie’s also coming round on Sunday for her lunch, after Eddie insisted (!).


Marty is back!

*Groan*

Marty is Jamie’s mate, and tends to encourage him to hang around, drinking.

I also think Marty does sound particularly thick …

Which is what they were doing when Alistair met them.

I never quite get the teenage propensity to snigger over nothing. Marty and Jamie though the fact that Alistair is Jamie’s (step)dad was worth a snigger.

[Marty] “I can see where Dan gets it”

Gets what?

A decent personality and basic politeness?

(hark at me ... Mary Whitehouse reincarnated)

Marty reckons Jamie’s lucky to only have one parent, as

[Marty] “They’re hard to dodge when there’s two of them”

Jamie’s quite rightly indignant that luck has nothing to do with it!

[Jamie] “My dad’s dead, Kenton’s deserted me, my step-mum’s gone mad … no-one gives a damn about me!”

*sigh*

That’s because you make it so hard to care, young sir.



Last man to see Nigel alive

Which is David. And he’s not looking forward to the inquest next week.

The Archers Tues 22nd March 2011: Gardeners’ Question Time AND the first Book Club

• Gardeners’ Question Time
• Hello Christine!
• “Roy is a treasure”
• Nigel and Topper – picture perfect
• No grazing allowed at the Book Blub
• “What’s under that there foil there, Caroline Sterling?”
• Can’t afford books??????????
• “Little Drummer boy died of his wounds an’ all”
• “Cheer up Nathan Booth”
• Joe enjoyed, Usha not so
• Sabrina’s “paucity of intellectual rigour”
• What will Jim choose?
• ‘That’ statue

Gardeners’ Question Time

Might be coming to Ambridge.

Steady on there! Camilla, possibly some hat woman AND Gardeners’ Question Time.

Makes one hope that loads are not being blown too soon …

No mention of exactly when, but they seemingly need the village hall from 12pm-2pm.

Ah – anticipation.



Hello Christine!

It’s been an age – so lovely to hear Christine again.

It was she who Jim had to race round to in order to check if the village hall would be free for Gardeners’ Question Time.

Christine mentioned that it was Phil who had first asked Gardeners’ Question Time to come to Ambridge.

(pause … sigh … lovely, lovely Phil)


“Roy is a treasure”

So says Elizabeth to Caroline.

Funny how suddenly Elizabeth feels less stressed now that Roy is on-hand – just goes to how that Farmer David’s intentions were good, but not really up to the job at hand.

Still, Elizabeth does sound in far better form, even though Lily is still having nightmares.

[Elizabeth] “The device has given me new confidence, and I’m being waited on hand and foot”

Nigel and Topper – picture perfect

To ease the Twins’ sadness at having to lose Topper (and, ahem, their dad), Caroline has framed a seemingly superb picture of Nigel and Topper.

Nigel’s holding the Stirrup Cup, and is “looking mischievous”.



No grazing allowed at the Book Blub

Usha’s being strict with her cultural endeavours – the Book Club shall break for nibbles, rather than be allowed to munch during the discussion. Avoids “greasy marks” on the book, you see …

Jennifer couldn’t be there (and Jim was surprised to learn she is a published author), and neither could Ruth (she never sounded that keen in the first place, and now wants to clean before Home farm’s cleaner comes to Brookfield to clean).

But Caroline, Jim, Richard Thwaite (Usha, of course) are all at the inaugural meeting.

As is Jim and Nathan Booth …



“What’s under that there foil there, Caroline Sterling?”

As suspected yesterday when Joe’s ears perked up at Robert Snell’s mention of nibbles and wine at the Book Club – Joe’s invited himself along.

He’s joined by a Nathan Booth, very keen to see Sabrina.

(one would have thought he’d been able to see enough of Sabrina in her cat show during the Panto to provide him with enough pleasurable memories for the next decade!).

And the answer to Joe’s question to Caroline – leftover canapés …


Can’t afford books??????????

Joe reckons he hasn’t read the book for the Book Club as he can’t afford books.

Have all the Borchester libraries already shut for good?

He later went onto say that he might get it on tape (if he can).

Why not just ask Clarrie to read it aloud while she’s clipping your toenails?




“Little Drummer boy died of his wounds an’ all”

As the group is getting into meaningful discussion about the murder (in The Suspicions of Mr Whicher – which I do highly recommend) was so shocking because it was middle class etc. etc. , Joe jumps in to ramble on about the Little Drummer Boy.

For those who don’t know it – he was shot by a round head musket, or an Irish one, the battle of Hassett Bridge on 14th June, he staggered to The Bull but died, then June 14th 1995 a cannon ball was hurled into The Bull, followed by a Tap, Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap from the wall – the very next week Sid opened the Hassett room in the Drummer Boy’s memory.

What’s that got to do with the topic at hand, Joe only knows!


“Cheer up Nathan Booth”

[Joe] “Cheer up Nathan Booth, it’s time for the nibbles”

And that was really all there was to cheer up poor Nathan.

[Joe] “Nathan Booth is a very disappointed man. He only showed up on the promise of Sabrina Thwaite coming … got a crush on her see. He don’t get to meet many women, socially”

Maybe Harry could help Nathan learn to use the internet.

I’ve said it before about our single Ambridge residents – dating websites …


Joe enjoyed, Usha not so

[Joe] “A nice social occasion with the grub and that Them canapés was past their best, mind …”

[Usha] “Oh the cheek of him … I don’t know who invited Joe, I certainly didn’t””

Jim relates that it was Robert’s fault for Joe being there – but he own fault for a scowling Nathan’s presence. It was he who mentioned Sabrina.

Though Usha thinks it was a disaster, Jim’s quick to correct her.

[Jim] “It went very well. No, you’ve heralded something culturally rather interesting for Ambridge”

Cripes!



Sabrina’s “paucity of intellectual rigour”

[Jim] “Then I made an ironic comment saying I could only hope Sabrina would join as well, if only to enrich her mind, Usha. She has such a paucity of intellectual rigour, I dread doing a shift with her in the shop”

Meow, Mr Lloyd. Me-ow!


What will Jim choose?

Usha is normally quite an astute lady – why did she give the next book choice to Jim?

He might surprise us all with Angela’s Ashes (or the like), but it’s a bit of a gamble for only the second meeting.

[Jim] “Ah,. Don’t you worry. I’m still cogitating. It’s going to be a hard one though, when you consider the legions of classic books so dear to my heart”

Hmmm.


‘That’ statue

[Joe] “Nice Indian Statue in the living room, by the way”

[Usha] “Thank you, not everyone thinks it”

Considering Usha and Shula actually spoke (and were civil) to each other just after Nigel died – I wonder if more is yet to come about the statue?

It’s been a fair while.

The Archers Mon 21st Mar 2011: Roy’s first day at Lower Loxley

• Get thee to Brookfield
• Jolene’s struggling to untangle old stems
• Delegates, wine and bonnets (oh my!)
• Fallon lays down the law
• Two more have Johne's
• He said the L word

Get thee to Brookfield

David isn’t coping with no longer being required at Lower Loxley.

Roy is straight in there, allowed by Elizabeth to use Nigel’s computer without any fuss, and had a grand first day being rather efficient.

David’s no a happy chappy, even though he should feel freedom!


Jolene’s struggling to untangle old stems

(which for me is rather an apt description of the tangled web her and Kenton and busy spinning)

Kenton helps Jolene trying to sort out the weeds from the flowers (which was normally Sid’s job). Funnily enough, Kenton isn’t much good at it.

What does that make it? 60-5 Sid V Kenton:?

Anyway, he and Jolene have a chat about Jamie’s reaction.

[Kenton] “There was no talking to him last night. He was just angry and bitter”

[Jolene] “I’m not sorry we got together, Kenton”

And while both agree they have no regrets,

[Kenton] “But, he’s a casualty”

And one which certainly isn’t going to let any wound be healed anytime soon.


Delegates, wine and bonnets (oh my!)

Roy is cracking on nicely at Lower Loxley.

The Conference is well under way.

He’s thinking ahead to who will judge the Easter Bonnet competition at Easter

(Emily Onslow – “that posh milliner” – should I know her?)

And he also sorts out the wine delivery.

Onwards and upward Mr Tucker!

Just mind on that Hayley has a really nasty temper. Take on Nigel’s’ mantle by all means, but not his missus.


Fallon lays down the law

(not literally. No idea if there are any nice Policeman around at the moment)

Fallon corners Kenton for a wee chat.

[Fallon] “He said some things, I need to know if they’re true … he said you’d had a girlfriend while he was living with him mum”

[Kenton] “It’s not true … well yes, I did have a fling ,,, but it was after I had moved out of April Cottage … I swear”

Hmmm. Kenton was right that he had moved out, but he hadn’t actually split up with Kathy. Which is what Fallon was really asking.

Kenton would be a fool to try and get one over on our Fallon. She’s certainly not afraid of mincing her words, or standing up for her mum.

[Fallon] “I mean you might be her reaction to losing him, for all we know”

(ouch!)

[Fallon, later on] “But it’s me who is going to be here for her, no matter how things pan out”

(MY mum)

[Fallon] “It’s taken me a while, and I don’t hate you like he does”

(ouch again!)

And after all that, Kenton still seems to think that Fallon will be his ally in helping to get Jamie back onside.

Possibly.

But I would keep as far away from Fallon, If I were him. Just the slightest wrong move …


Two more have Johne's

Oh bother.

Two more of Brookfield’s herd test positive, so:

[David] “we may have to see several of them go”

[Ruth] “standing about looking miserable won't get the yard scraped!”

Marvellous! Ruth just isn’t interested in David’s moping around anymore.

Later on, she has a go at him for both rushing over to Lower Loxley first thing (even though he wasn’t needed), and for leaving his hot soup and pork pies (oh aye!) to call Elizabeth to check if she’s okay.

[David] “Stop fussing!”

[Ruth] “She doesn’t need you anymore, but I do. Here. On the farm”

[David] “Ruth. She will always need me.”

[Ruth] “Oh, please! Time to move on!”

She outdoors has spoken.


He said the L word

[Kenton] “It’s one of the many things I love about her”

[Fallon] “Oh”

Cripes!

Maybe Kenton is actually serious, this time?

The Archers Sun 20th Mar 2011: Kenton has his best jeans on

• “Look Dad, proper napkins and everything!”
• Joe at the book club?
• Excuse me Eddie - ‘pronto’?
• Plan C
• Leonie’s coming next month
• Jamie shouts at Kenton
• Jamie shouts near Fallon

“Look Dad, proper napkins and everything!”

Eddie makes it sound like Clarrie makes them eat out of takeaway boxes …

After having conned Lynda into agreeing that he and Joe could have Sunday lunch with her and Robert (as Clarrie was working – real reason that they want to avoid the Lent meal of cheese and bread), Eddie’[s well chuffed with himself.

But it doesn’t last for long.

For starters – Lynda has had to work. Which is Elizabeth’s fault for having to ‘borrow; Roy, leaving Grey Gables’ rota in tatters.

So, it’s Robert cooking. Quite bizarrely – he seemingly looks like a boxer in his cooking mitts …

First Robert brings out the brown rice.

[Joe] “Curry for Sunday dinner, that ain’t right”

Then he brings out the puy lentils (which is seemingly naughty, and Lynda musn't be told)

Numpties didn’t check whether Lynda and Robert were also doing this non-Sunday lunch for lent!

[Joe] “Eh, got any brown sauce?”

Joe at the book club?

Robert happened to mention that Lynda will miss the first meeting of Usha’s book club (due to the new rota, again), and that explained it’s a discussion group with nibbles and wine.

Joe sounded very interested at that point.

Here’s hoping he does join, and the next book is the Vagina Monologues!



Excuse me Eddie - ‘pronto’?

Now Eddie may have been severely disappointed about Robert’s Sunday Lunch, but there was nae need to be that rude to Fallon.

We all know what happens to your food in the kitchen you’re rude to waiting folks …

[Eddie] “Two portions of pasties and chips, pronto … check with Freda, it’s an emergency!”

[Joe] “I can still taste that boiled rice”

[Eddie] “All that chewing Robert made us do to make us ‘appreciate it’”

But then – foiled again!

Robert walks into The Bull, just as Fallon has headed off ‘pronto’ like to check Eddie and Joe can have their food.

Ha!

Serves you right chaps. A bit of common courtesy wouldn’t have gone amiss


Plan C

[Eddie] “We’ve got to get our hands on the means of production”

Which means they’ll try and get Clarrie invited elsewhere, so that they can cook their own Sunday lunch.

I have to say that I am losing my patience with Eddie and Joe this time.

Clarrie never gets taken anywhere – but they’ll ‘get rid’ of her to suit their own needs.

They then decide that they can pass Clarrie off onto Emma – despite the fact that Emma and Clarrie are barley being civil to each other, and Emma is heavily pregnant.

Eddie’s right that Emma isn’t incapacitated, but guests are guests – and we all know that a mother-in-law visit means – lots of tidying!

The tight-fisted numpties won’t even just simp0ly pop out to The Bull to buy their own Sunday lunch. They have to go about it in a way which inconveniences everyone around them

Surely they must come a proper cropper? Clarrie will find out – and all of their shenanigans aren’t exactly in the spirit of Lent

[Robert] “It’s quite humbly to feel some solidarity with the hungry”

Humble pie, Eddie and Joe?


Leonie’s coming next month

And Robert is quite relieved that she had a new boyfriend called Jay.

[Robert] “A dose of happiness will bring out her amenable side …”

Here’s hoping.

Though Eddie did mention that Jay sounded “like a bird”.

I get it, but I also wonder …


Jamie shouts at Kenton

[Jamie] “You got your best jeans on .. you’re going on a date, aren’t you … with my stepmum … I saw you getting with her last Thursday”

[Kenton] “It’s not a causal thing,. It’s a proper relationship”

[Jamie] “You just can’t help sleeping around!”

[Kenton] “What has happened with Jolene is for real”

[Jamie] “Like it was for real with my mum! You’re such a loser!”

If only Kenton had learned his lesson from the last time, and told Jamie before he found it by seeing him in flagrante.

I reckon Jamie does have a right to be angry and confused.

His mum’s ex. With his dead dad’s wife.

Ouch.



Jamie shouts near Fallon

Thank goodness Jamie does have Fallon, and seems to listen to her.

[Jamie] “So how come that slime ball is down there?”

(on finding out that Fallon already knew about Kenton and Jolene – and that they wanted to keep everything quiet)

[Jamie] “Why does nobody tells me things. It’s like I’m invisible or something … I’m not people!”

[Fallon] “It was a real shock to me an all, if that helps … what I’ve tried to come to terms with is my mum moving on, from your dad … I still can’t honestly get my head round it”

[Jamie] “It’s gross”

[Fallon] “But they do seem genuinely happy together”

[Jamie, sarcastically] “Oh well, As long as Kenton’s happy”

[Fallon] “I know he’s hurt you … I think he’s genuinely sorry”

[Jamie] “Sorry he’s been found out! …who cares anyway …”

[Fallon] “My mum’s dead choosy, you know … I know my mum wouldn’t want you to be upset”

[Jamie] “Well, she better look out, that’s all. He double crossed my mum and will do the same to yours …”

[Fallon] “What do you mean, double crossed?”

[Jamie] “He had this woman, he picked her up in Jaxx, Holly, who was like this real slag … it was the breaking point for my mum … I best Holly wasn’t the only one …”

Choosing not to hear anymore, Fallon suggests they watch their DVD.

But job done, Jamie..

Telling Fallon about Holly will make Fallon more suspicious – and she’s bound to eventually tell Jolene, or accuse Kenton of something he hasn’t even done.

There’s a Jamie sized wedge about to get between Kenton and Jolene, methinks.

The Archers Friday 18th March 2011: Caroline solves Elizabeth’s woes (temporarily)

• Why did Alan buy so many cards for Elizabeth?
• Why are doctor’s so slow to discharge?
• Is hugging allowed?
• Elizabeth finally sees sense
• “You know Susan …”
• Elizabeth gets to borrow Roy
• Aunty Pat isn’t listening

Why did Alan buy so many cards for Elizabeth?

Is there something we (and Usha) don’t know about?

Surely it would have been more appropriate for the vicar to just collect everyone else’s cards to bring to Elizabeth, than go out and buy a stack to give them himself.

Oh … hang on a sec … (doh!)



Why are doctor’s so slow to discharge?

Anyone who has been in hospital can also more than likely testify to the fact that the worst part of hospital is not the feed – it’s the horrible wait to get released.

Maybe I should work on a plan to speed up that discharging process.

It’d save folks having to sit in their clothes, but still eating the nasty lunch, when knowing they are ready to leave – but the doctor just hasn’t got to them yet.

And it might speed up admission times. Save money, Save the NHS!

I’ll need to nip out to the local pub to get a beermat for all my thoughts on this. I’ll get back to you.


Is hugging allowed?

Surely be!

I thought David was being a bit dim when he asked Elizabeth about hugging, but she does seemingly need to use her right arm.

Is that just during the post-op time?

She also has to use the phone away from that side of her body (in case it interferes).

And she’s on about driving again.

David mentioned that Pip can also drive now (noooo – I always hear the word ‘doom’ when Pip and driving are mentioned together).

So after all that pondering about whether she should have her ICT or not (whether she wanted to live or not), turns out Elizabeth can’t really feel it and it’s also not that noticeable.

[Elizabeth] “The ICD will make a big difference … I’m in better condition now than I ever was”

Elizabeth finally sees sense

[Elizabeth] “You’ve been right all along. I’m going to hire a temporary manager”

Huzzah!

It only took a near heart attached, a near divorce and two very stressed out wee kids.

Though we need to keep an eye on wee Freddie. Choosing to stay at home because “there’s so much to do here”, rather than go out with his mates, isn’t a good sign is such a wee man.


“You know Susan …”

[Roy] “You know Susan. If the notice says 5 minutes, it won’t be 6”

And he was quite right. We heard Susan opening the village shop door as he and Kathy were chatting (but were thankfully spared a rant from Susan about the volunteer rota going badly wrong).
Elizabeth gets to borrow Roy

(we didn’t see that one coming!)

And Roy’s quite happy to be lent out.

Isn’t it nice that Caroline is happy to let her staff work somewhere else. Grey Gables must be doing marvellous business to let such a key member of the team wander off …


Aunty Pat isn’t listening

I don’t think I’ve ever heard Pat witter on at such length, as she did today.

She talked about Eddie’s win, and Clarrie’s shock about his win at the races – that Home Farm’s ‘lady that does’ is going to have a shock ‘doing’ at Brookfield while Emma’s off having her bairn – and some other stuff I must have tuned out.

Just as Kathy is trying to get a word in, Henry starts crying.

So Pat rushes off to see to him

(I was distracted for the rest of the eavesdropping instalment by the fact that Helen had left Henry – to go out to the pub – for Red Nose day with Brenda. What??? I think Tony collected the wrong Helen from the hospital).

Kathy seemed oddly uncomfortable around Henry (for a lady that’s popped out one of her own), but his presence also meat Kathy no longer wanted to offload onto Pat about Jolene and Kenton.

[Kathy] “Anything I have to say will easily keep for another time”

Now – that’s a blessing in some ways – but, on the other hand, a pent up Kathy is one ticking time bomb we don’t want in residential areas. Or even anywhere near the cattle.

The Archers Thurs 17th March 2011: Jamie catches Kenton and Jolene

• Kathy thanks Jolene for taking her man
• DVDS? Well, I never!
•  “It’s the work place of the loveliest woman in Borchester”
•  That could have been far, far worse for Jamie
•  Kenton hurts Jamie, so (of course) Jamie hurts Kathy
•  Elizabeth won’t be playing rugby for England

Kathy thanks Jolene for taking her man

Well, her wee man.

She bumps into Jolene, and thanks her for taking Jamie out, as he returned in a rare good mood.



DVDS? Well, I never!

It was fair enough that Jolene and Kathy sounded in awe of Fallon downloading a meal voucher to her mobile (did we ever expect we’d see the like?), but they also sounded a tad overexcited about the concept of DVDs.

Odd.



“It’s the work place of the loveliest woman in Borchester”

Aw! Kenton can be sweet when he tries.

No idea if this is all going to work out as smiles rather than tears, but it’s nice eavesdropping on two happy folks. Even if their kissing is rather slobbery.




That could have been far, far worse for Jamie

Jamie’s lucky that Kenton and Jolene have decided to take things slow.

When he walked in on them, there was only snogging to be seen.

Kenton never does learn. It must have crossed his mind that this would anger Jamie ever more than the one night stand – especially considering Jolene is his dead dad’s wife.

Somewhere in Borchester, there’s a therapist planning his retirement round Jamie Perks …





Kenton hurts Jamie, so (of course) Jamie hurts Kathy

Why does Jamie have to be such an utter prick to his mum Kathy?

I know he’s a teenage lad. I know he’s a teenage lad who recently lost his dad.

But why does Kathy have to be in the firing line everytime something goes wrong for Jamie?

Is that just normal mither/son stuff? I have no idea. My boy greyhounds never behave like that.

Kathy did the unspeakable crime of bringing Jamie a “hot blackcurrant and toast”, then tried to help him with his homework.

That blew up into Jamie berating her for treating him like a kid, (a rather wonderful moment, I thought) of Jamie and Kathy basically saying ‘duh!’ to each other, and Jamie then calling into question Kathy’s ability to do maths.

Shocking!

[Jamie] “You’re just as rubbish as maths as I am. Where do you think I get it from?”

Jamie does admit that he feels out of his depth at maths, but doesn’t want to say anything to his teacher as he reckons he’s the only one struggling – and doesn’t want to look thick.

As Kathy is trying to work out a solution with him, he turns on her like a very affronted hamster:

[Jamie] “Oh yes. Let’s ask Dad, or Kenton … oh no, we can’t can we, cause they’re not here, are they mum … I’ll just go down To the Bull to see Jolene, cause that's where Kenton will be., with her … Or didn’t you know that they were together now!”

Nasty. Nasty little boy.

Kathy was shocked and upset to hear that news, and left the room.

It sounded like Jamie than sighed (I’m guessing that means he knows he went too far), but – I’m very sad to announce – that it looks like Kathy and Jamie are back.

Here we go again. Months upon months of shouting, tantrums, slamming doors and tearful chats with Pat.

*sigh*


Elizabeth won’t be playing rugby for England

But other than that, her operation was “straight forward”

She can’t lift, run or do any contact sport – and also can’t drive for a while.

I reckon Topper needs to return.

Can one ride a horse down a motorway?

The Archers Wed 16th March 2011: No – not Andy Smith!!!

• “Not too many hangovers and thick heads”
• Jolene is still apologising
• No 3 The Green
• Catering therapy
• Topper!
• And the mole is unmasked as …
• Jamie has a night out with women who laugh at his jokes

“Not too many hangovers and thick heads”

Oh.

That’s a tad disappointing.

The Grundy’s have a day out, and no-one is feeling a tad poorly the next day.

The healthy living craze has finally got to them?


Jolene is still apologising

To Lilian for now not wanting to sell The Bull.

But Lilian’s more than happy.

[Lilian] “I don’t want the pub to close”

No 3 The Green

So instead of worrying about the lost opportunity of The Bull for Amside, Lilian seems particularly chirpy about going to see No 3 The Green.

Some of the Horrobins live at number 6, Tom and Brenda at number 1 – but no idea of who has lived in number 3.

And also surprised Lillian’s even interested in an ex-Council house.

Not quite her style.

(and that’s not me being snobbish, by the way. I live in an ex-Council in the country. It’s not exactly the best looking of places, but it’s a right proper, toasty home inside. Bless the Council builders of the 60s!).


Catering therapy

Lily’s been having nightmares, it being a bit sharp and short with Jill and Freddie – and Freddie is withdrawing into himself.

But not to worry, Jill’s on-hand to look after them while Elizabeth is in hospital. She’s decided that they way to get them to calm down and chat is to make a lemon drizzle cake.

Fair do – and it has the desired results.

Although I was worried about Freddie doing the maths for the recipe, Jill did manage to get home to talk about how he feels it’s his fault that Elizabeth was so stressed – because he made such a fuss about Topper.

But Jill had news for Freddie.


Topper!

Is being stabled at Shula’s, so Freddie can go and see him anytime he likes.

Things is – why did no-one think to mention that to Freddie before?

A tad cruel, if you ask me.


And the mole is unmasked as …

Adam Smith!

Well, I never! Not in a million years did I think it could be Adam.

BUT actually – have we ever really heard from Adam? I don’t think so, so the whole ‘who is the mole’ turned about to be ‘what is Adam Smith’.

A pfffff rather than a bang.

However – I did hate the way Lilian was then setup to make an arse of herself.

Brian knew feel well that she’d question them about the blokes they’d pretended (for their mole’s sake) had been spoken to about the Project Manager’s job.

Fair do, she was involved in the subterfuge, but I don’t think she should have been made to feel so small. She’s not the only they really need to go after – Matt's their man!

And Jennifer – Adam’s a “mole”. Mole is the word, not “weasel”.


Jamie has a night out with women who laugh at his jokes

Which is very nice of Jolene and Fallon.

We now also know that Jamie likes Aliens, Fallon likes The Abyss and Terminator, and reckons James Cameron is “a legend”.

Ho hum.

The Archers Tues 15th March 2011: Eddie’s 60th birthday

• A treat after milking
• Emma’s toys are out of the pram
• Punctures, Chinese lanterns and other strange objects
• Lynda’s fallen for Joe
• A grand day out
• “It’s just one thing after another”
• Elizabeth does want to live, after all

A treat after milking

Eddie maybe a cheeky chappy at times, and doesn’t quite seem to realise how much of a drudge Saint Clarrie’s is (often because of himself and Joe), but he is a man who knows how to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

He’s absolutely made up that Clarrie has made him bacon – and even more overjoyed that she’s also made him tomatoes AND mushrooms.

He even doesn’t grumble about having to do the milking first thing, even though it’s his 60th birthday.

And – Eddie makes all the right noises over Clarrie giving him a new tie for his birthday.

[Eddie] “Felpersham races, a picnic and a hundred quid just for betting with … today just gets better and better”

What a mighty good man.


Emma’s toys are out of the pram

Emma doesn’t go with the rest on Eddie’s birthday treat.

Clarrie doesn’t seem too fussed, but is starting to feel a teeny bit of guilt over giving her the cold shoulder at times.

[Clarrie] “I think she’s still a bit fed up with me. I’ll send her some party food back with Edward”

Punctures, Chinese lanterns and other strange objects

David’s not having a good day.

His trailer has a puncture, and he’s found a foreign object in one of the hedges which one of the cows has had a nibble on.

[David] “Stupid Chinese lantern … people have no idea”

A very calm and understanding Ruth gets David to talk about what’s really annoying him (actually – I think he already did have real reason to complain).

The real reason David is so on edge is because he’s worried about Elizabeth not making the tight decision about whether to get her pace-maker thingy fitted.

[David] “I just don’t get all this hesitation … It’s a no brainer, surely … she’ll have this procedure and she’ll never have another episode like the one on Friday ever again … why is she hesitating?”

[Ruth] “It’s a big thing for her … to get her head round. She’ll have this strange object inside her body … something that’s not part of her that she has no control over”

David reckons Elizabeth should only think of how this device is going to help her – and he was downright dismissive of Ruth touching on the fact that she knows exactly how Elizabeth feels.

[David] “(I want her to) see sense and go ahead”

Lynda’s fallen for Joe

That’s not like our Lyndee!

Joe’s managed to wangle an invite round to Sunday lunch at the Snell’s for himself and Eddie (so that they can avoid Clarrie’s meagre offering of bread and cheese, because of lent).

I’m surprised at Lynda being so easy to persuade.

Wonder if we’ll get to eavesdrop on that dinner conversation … the mind boggles!



A grand day out

And it just get better and better for Eddie – his birthday is turning out to be the gift that just keeps giving!

[Eddie] “That whisky fruitcake was a proper treat, that’ll brighten up me lunch boxes for the rest of the week”

Lilian brought champagne. Joe got a new cap. Clarrie chooses horses by colour (black and gold stripes), but doesn’t really want to have too much of a flutter:

[Clarrie] “It’s a bit too exciting when you put you hard earned cash on the line”

Eddie started off the day excited to have £100 just to bet with, but after losing £60, and dumping Lenny as his “tipster”.

But Fat Paul’s advice isn’t any better. Despite all their talk of being experts, Fat Paul, Lenny and Eddie haven’t had a winner between them all day.

Until the last race.

Eddie had sent Clarrie to put his money on a horse, but she went and choose the wrong one.

After the one Eddie thought he’d bet on fell over (but it’s okay – the horse was just fine …), Mine’s a Pint romped it home 20-1, giving Eddie a grand winning of £200.

Nice.

Think he’ll spend any of that on Clarrie?

I wouldn’t bet on it.




“It’s just one thing after another”

Johne’s disease is confirmed at Brookfield.

(nasty – here’s more info http://www.johnes.org/history/index.html)

Seemingly, the cow confirmed to have it could have had it for a while without showing any signs, and is likely to have had it since a calf. They pick it up from contaminated dung, straw or water

[David] “So that’s her down the road I suppose”

As well as slaughtering that cow, they’ll also now have to collect a dung sample off of every other cow.

Bollocks!

This really isn’t a good year for that side of the Archer clan.


Elizabeth does want to live, after all

And wasn’t David overjoyed to hear it!

After talking to the doctors and nurses, Elizabeth has decided to go ahead to have the operation.

[Elizabeth] “The nurse said to think of it like having my own little guardian angel on my shoulder”

[David] “Or your own hidden jump leads …”

[Elizabeth] “I decided nothing could be worse than putting mum and the children through that again”

Hmmm. Bit suspicious that Elizabeth sees herself doing this for the sake of others rather than herself, but I suppose the end result is still the same.

The Archers Mon 14th March 2011: Elizabeth alive but stubborn

• Kenton Archer: Mystery Man
• What’s Elizabeth’s problem now?!?!?!?
• Lamb with anchovies
• Didn’t he do well!
• Jolene mentioned hounds …
• Fallon onside .. what about Jamie?

Kenton Archer: Mystery Man

Chatting to Fallon about taking Jolene out, Kenton won’t tell her where they’re off to.

Which leads Fallon to call Kenton a “mystery man”.

The reality is a tad more mundane.

Kenton gives Jolene a scarf as a present (which was thoughtful, and I’m sure was very nice), and takes her for lunch on a boat restaurant in Felpersham (which was again thoughtful, and sounded very nice).

So – less of a ‘mystery man’ (which conjures up adventure, danger and exoticism) – more of a ‘very nice man’.



What’s Elizabeth’s problem now?!?!?!?

For a woman with a weak heart, she really knows how to wind herself up.

What on earth is wrong with getting an Implantable cardioverter-defibrillator?

[Elizabeth] “This weird object … it looks like an old fashioned cigarette lighter … I want to get used to the thought of it being under my skin”

Here’s what one looks like:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Implantable_cardioverter-defibrillator

(which I think is actually kinda groovy).

So – the doctors say this is what she needs – but Elizabeth reckons she needs time to think and get more information.

She wants to know if the shock will hurt – will it be obvious (it’s going into her shoulder) - will the kids needs to do anything if it needs to kick start their mum.

All fair enough questions – but what’s the alternative?

Chance of sudden death?

That’ll really be helping the Twins!

David’s rightly concerned that Elizabeth seems to be pondering over something which is actually not really a choice.

But Jill knows her daughter

[Jill] “I can be a sounding board, but I don’t want to put her under any pressure … the one person’s whose guidance she’d listen to isn’t here … once she has the facts, she’ll go ahead”

[David] “Will she?”

[Jill] “I hope so”

To be frank – I’m not really that bothered.

I’ve said it before – but Elizabeth makes it so hard to care …


Lamb with anchovies

Works well, according to Kenton (and I can also vouch for that), but maybe not quite right for Freda. Or The Bull’s punters.

(‘you what? Fish? On my lamb???? I’ll just have a pie’)


Didn’t he do well!

Kathy will be beyond fury when she realised that Kenton is seeing Jolene – and that he’s being attentive, caring and thoughtful.

Jolene had mentioned that she’d always wanted a barge holiday when she was a kid – so he takes her for a surprise lunch on a boat.

He listens and then thinks it through.

Caw blimey!

[Kenton] “You travel the world, and find the thing you were looking for was right here”

Here’s hoping. I am enjoying this union. So far.

(any mention of showers, I’m outta here!)



Jolene mentioned hounds …

She probably meant: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_hunting

But I’ll use it as an excuse to plug the charity I foster for – retired/rescued greyhounds.

http://www.dgrescue.org.uk/id3.html

(and contrary to common misconceptions – they’re the laziest breed you’ll ever meet, are placid and eager to please, great with kids, don’t need long exercise AND some of them like cats!)


Fallon onside .. what about Jamie?

I totally forgot about Jamie.

Must have wiped him from my mind for being such a moronic arse of a teenager.

Anyway – though Kenton and Jolene didn’t kiss goodbye in front of Fallon (easy does it!) – looks like Fallon ‘gets it’

[Fallon] “I can see you had a great time … it’s been ages since I saw you so happy”

[Jolene] “It’s been ages since I’ve been so happy”

Hurrah!

But then in walks Jamie, who is utterly oblivious that his dead dad’s wife is seeing his mum’s ex-boyfriend – when his mum was also his dad’s ex-wife …

Ouch. Lucky there was nothing to see, this time.

Some shouting ahoy?

The Archers Sun 13th March 2011: Phew! Elizabeth’s alive.

• David looks very serious
• Keeping the Twins busy
• Keeping your hands clean
• “Careful you don’t unplug her”
• Thank goodness for Jill
• “where have you hidden the proper tackle?”
• The Snell’s shall provide
• How much guilt can one man take?

David looks very serious

According to the Twins, when they arrive at hospital.

BUT Elizabeth is doing fine.

I had a horrible feeling that this could have turned out to be #sattc (Shakes Ambridge to the Core) part deux … actually, I wonder if it still could be?


Keeping the Twins busy

David gets Freddie to go with him to the hospital shop, then Clarrie later gets them to play together instead of getting stressed over Kenton not being able to play (as he had to go to work).



Keeping your hands clean

Kenton can be such an irresponsible idiot sometimes – but he does make sure everyone uses the antiseptic “stuff” before they go into Elizabeth’s room.

He really isn’t that much of a simpleton.



“Careful you don’t unplug her”

Says Kenton to Lily when she goes for a hug with Elizabeth.

But all’s well – sounds like Elizabeth only has those sticky on things which monitor heart rate.

Elizabeth sounded tired, but fairly relaxed (shame it took such a dramatic turn to get her to finally calm down!).

And she now has to listen to the consultants without grumbling.

Freddie seems a bit freaked out (he didn’t want to hug her as she looked so “weird” and white). But looks like all is well.

BUT … there may be surgery to stop it happening again. So, I suppose there’s still chance of a Shake.

Jill left holding the babies?



Thank goodness for Jill

She was there to call the ambulance, she was there holding Elizabeth’s hand when she woke up in hospital and she’s now moved in to Lower Loxley to be there for the Twins.

She was even there for Lily when she woke up from a nightmare (which Lily appreciated, though she really wanted her mum).

I don’t always agree with Jill, but there’s no arguing that her side of the Archer clan just wouldn’t cope without her.


“where have you hidden the proper tackle?”

[Eddie] “Right, we’ve had our starter, where have you hidden the proper tackle?”

So – Eddie’s not amused by Clarrie’s new Sunday lunch – which is simply bread and cheese as part of their efforts for Lent.

(the idea being that folks give up their proper meals, to then give the cash savings to Alan the Vicar).

So, no roast. No gravy. Not even a pudding.

[Eddie] “What? A raw apple? Not even an apple pie???”

But before you feel sorry for Eddie and Joe (hard working men not getting a proper meal), it’s only once a week!

Come on lads – that’s surely not too much to ask?

Um … seems it is.



The Snell’s shall provide

Despite being threatened by Clarrie with bread and water if they try and cheat Lent, Eddie and Joe are determined to have a proper Sunday meal.

So, their cunning plan is to simply eat at one of their neighbour’s.

Pondering their options – they had to rule out Neil and Susan (as they are also signed up), they also hit a brick wall with Mike

[Joe] “Vicky Tucker is a nice old woman but she’s a right old blabber mouth”

Then Eddie realises that the answer is staring him in the face.

The Snells!

Right next door, and Lynda is a grand cook.

All that needs doing is to persuade Lynda (Robert should be easy enough), and make sure Clarrie doesn’t find out.

Aye well – good luck with that!



How much guilt can one man take?

David now thinks that Elizabeth’s ‘episode’ is his fault for telling her he had to spend less time at Lower Loxley.

Well, I suppose he is right. Him stepping back did seem to push Elizabeth into stressful overdrive – but she has been told by everyone that the only way forward was to get a professional manager in.

And she did admit herself that she was being selfish, expecting David to cope with both Lower Loxley and Brookfield.

With the inquest still to happen, I’m not sure David isn’t going to implode with the huge guilt he’s carrying over Nigel’s death, and now Elizabeth’s illness.

And what if the inquest finds fault?

Aren’t farmers one of the highest risk groups for suicide anyway …???

The Archers Fri 11th March 2011: Elizabeth has a heart attack?

• Tears and tantrums over Topper
• Supergran!
• What inclination will Henry be?
• Warm welcome back, Peggy
• Elona from Albania
• Nope, Elizabeth can’t calm down
• “My heart’s beating so fast … please help me … I can’t leave my children”

Tears and tantrums over Topper

Freddie really wasn’t coping at all well with Topper heading off to his new owner.

Screaming and tears – the wee chap really didn’t want Nigel’s hunter to go.

Nigel … General Custard … Topper … Freddie really can’t be blamed for thinking everyone eventually leaves.



Supergran!

Jill is one very handy lady to have round.

She utterly took control when Freddie was being a tad over emotional about Topper – and Lily then joined in to shout at Freddie for getting them both into trouble.

Whereas Elizabeth wanted to mollycoddle them, Jill took charge to make sure they know what was what.

[Jill] “They’ve both been very disobedient, and they’ll both be going to school … not another word, off you go!”

Jill’s theory was that the sooner they were at school, the sooner their mind would be taken off of Topper.

Tough love, but someone has to.


What inclination will Henry be?

Tony sounds hopeful that Henry will take to farming, but Helen points out that Henry is simply focused on trying to make his neck work!

[Tony] “Make sure the o ring comes with it .. .you’re never too young to learn tractor servicing”

But Tony does make a near slip-up when he nearly wonders aloud about what traits Henry will have taken from his biological father.

[Tony] “Be interesting to know what his … what he will end up doing”

Nature versus Nurture? Even if Henry’s father was around, I doubt Helen would let any influence other than her own really take hold of Henry.


Warm welcome back, Peggy

I do like our Peggy.

She’s been a bit silent since Henry was born, but she’s now right back in there – being a great-gran in every way she should. Not a word of her previous disapproval.

She even brings Helen Narcissus Tete a Tete.

Is it Spring for proper now?

(and Peggy - I was always get out the cups and saucers for you – matching, by the way – instead of a mug)


Elona from Albania

Lest we forget that Mr Jack Woolley is still on the go!

He’s relaxed this week, after having a tummy bug last week (so Jill tells us).

And his world is also a better and brighter place because of Elona from Albania.

She seemingly always makes time to speak to him, gets him the best seat in the day room AND has sorted his socks out!

No longer shall Jack’s socks be given to some woman called Jackie.

Phew!




Nope, Elizabeth can’t calm down

After Jill’s dropped the Twins off to school, she returns to find a rather het up Elizabeth.

[Jill] “Can you calm down, darling?”

Seemingly not.

Stressed out by Freddie’s tantrums over Topper, Elizabeth’s also stressed that Hugh has been awkward about Elizabeth not letting him hire in more casuals for the Orangery café.

[Elizabeth] “He was so sullen about it, it was infuriating”

Elizabeth’s also stressed that she can’t find the right information for a meeting she has to go to – all while Jill is trying to tell Elizabeth that she’s losing her temper.

Which is natural in the circumstances, but Jill is trying to suggest that Elizabeth needs to be more aware of what she’s doing to others as well as herself.

Then …

… Elizabeth’s losing her breath …

… sounds like a panic attached …

… her heart is racing, so Jill starts to call the doctor …

… but Elizabeth asks for an ambulance …


“My heart’s beating so fast … please help me … I can’t leave my children”

Crickey.

By the time David and Jill arrive at the hospital, they find that they have to go to resuscitation area.

And that’s where they left us.

No idea of what happened to Elizabeth after the ambulance folks took her in.

Elizabeth as well?

Surely not?

The Archers Thurs 10th Mar 2011: Oh boy – yet another slooooow Ambridge day

So let’s go for 6 in 10

• Brian avoids parental responsibility – Ruairi to Ireland while Jennifer away
•  Pip gets B’s and C’s – which she’s quite happy with
• Lilian wows Borchester Land with her supremely detailed technical knowledge
• Who is BL’s Mole? Did Barbara Glasstone & Matt fruity?
• Brian’s setting up Lilian to find the mole at BL
• Does Brookfield’s cows have Johne’s disease? I so hope not.

The Archers Wed 9th Mar 2011: A sloooooow Ambridge day

So, when we had another slow day, I did 10 in 10. Here’s 6 in 5.

• James is visiting in April
• Matt’s dictating what Lilian says
• Lilian’s crowing reading Jolene right
• A cow’s back end is loose
• Elizabeth is stressing Lewis out
• Freddie leaves for his mates

(there’s nothing more to say!)

The Archers Tues 8th Mar 2011: Pancake day at The Bull

• How dirty was Eddie’s van?
• Jolene – she says ‘no’!
• Widow Hawkins
• Lent 2011
• Joe waxing lyrical
• Matt reckons pancakes and pleasure don’t mix
• Lillian’s off out with Eddie
• Fallon spots it a mile off

How dirty was Eddie’s van?

Quite very much so, if him sweeping it out was enough to cause Clarrie alarm about the mess he was making outside the front of their house.




Jolene – she says ‘no’!

[Jolene] “No – I’m so sorry … I should have let you know … I ain't selling at all. I want to keep going here”

[Lilian] “Don’t apologise darling … that’s wonderful news … I’d much rather we’d kept our pub”

So there it is.

The Bull is saved.

Well, it will be, if the locals also now spend more time and money in there.

Kenton must be an amazing kisser.

With one kiss, he’s pick Jolene up from her low ebb, and has made her feel more positive about the future.

At last – we have found a real use for My Kenton Archer’s talents! Just imagine what he’ll achieve when he and Jolene get really intimate.


Widow Hawkins

[Joe] “Widow Hawkins … you’d die of thirst before she ever worked out the use of the kettle”

Joe also advises that one provides one’s own sandwiches, flask and oxygen when doing a job for Widow Hawkins.

(the oxygen is so that she doesn’t ask for a discount for you breathing hers)


Lent 2011

No tents for Alan this year – he’s squarely put the sacrifices back onto his parishioners.

[Joe] “It’s the vicar done this to her, I reckon. Got her cooking with a mean hand”

Clarrie’s signed up for the Lent appeal, which (Joe reckons) means bread, cheese and soup right through lent, and giving any money you’ve saved by eating so sparingly to the vicar.

[Eddie] “Well, if it makes her happy”

[Joe] “It ain't just her, Eddie. She’s signed you and me up as well”

[Eddie] “Eh? Oh flipping eck!”

Ah, queue much hilarity in the Grundy household over sneaky food treats.


Joe waxing lyrical

Joe reckons his grandfather used to say:

[Joe] “Peregrines is the souls of them who’ve been lost on the mountains”

Such poetry.

Why didn’t such sensitivity carry through the Grundy generations?



Matt reckons pancakes and pleasure don’t mix

Each to their own.

But when do pancakes become serious?


Lillian’s off out with Eddie

And the rest of the Grundy clan to the racing for Eddie’s birthday.

So Tony is no fun – but Lillian’s a goer.

Actually, I quite agree.



Fallon spots it a mile off

Jolene has to tell Fallon all about her and Kenton, as Fallon had picked up on a bit of an intimate atmosphere.

Fallon thinks it’s too soon for Jolene to be seeing Kenton.

[Fallon] “You’re still so raw. I just don’t want to see you hurt”

[Jolene] “That’s always a risk, isn’t it. But, I don’t think it’s much of a one with Kenton. What you see is what you get with him. A funny, sweet guy who is helping me feel good about myself again”

[Fallon, without much conviction] “Well that’s … great”

Jolene quite rightly pointed out that Kenton didn’t have it easy with Kathy, so is probably just as vulnerable as Jolene is.

[Fallon] “But it does make a difference. I actually enjoyed myself again tonight …serving, chatting to the punters … I felt like me again”

Hurrah!

But does Fallon have a point?

Does Jolene know what she’s doing?

Does Kenton?