The Archers Monday 29th August 2011: James and Leonie inspire quiet fury

• “Oh you beggars!”
• James and Leonie offend Jim
• Elona says no
• James and Leonie offend Bert
• Lynda’s not keen for James and Leonie to return?
• Lynda gets the blame

“Oh you beggars!”

It’s day two of the Open Gardens, but it’s off to a very bad start for poor Bert.

He went from humming to cussing.

[Bert] “You work your fingers to the bone, then they come along in one night … badgers!”

Seems the badgers have dug up his lawn looking for worms. They’ve also eaten his tulips and bulbs.

None of which he’d want at any time, but especially not when he wants to share the glories of his garden with the world.

Matt turns up, and lends a hand (boy – his stint gardening in prison really did change him … albeit only when it does come to gardens).

Bert reckons he’ll have to reseed, and somehow chase them off if they turn up again.

[Matt] “Sounds like a job for David Archer”

Eh?

Does David have a way with badgers? A badger whisperer?


James and Leonie offend Jim

For starters, they turn up at his garden before it’s officially open, dragging Lilian and Lynda along with them to try and sweeten him into letting them be there early doors (see what I did there?).

They want to interview Jim for their book:

[Jim] “A commercial proposition, is it Lynda? … and are you offering any fee for the use of my garden in the publication?”

[Leonie] “Well, no … that’s not how it works”

[Lilian] “Jim, I’m surprised at you!”

[Lynda, somewhat sheepishly] “We are hoping that Ambridge residents will be happy to take part for the good of the village”

Jim relents.

But then wishes he hadn’t as Leonie calls secateurs ‘Clippers’ – offends him by asking where he bought (bought!) his hanging baskets from – and James then moves round his pots to make them look better and more artistic.


Elona says no

Again!

Peggy has offered her extra work. A reduced rent. And will help with the deposit.

No, says Elona.

But Elona has her reasons.

She takes Peggy to one side to tell her why she can’t accept.

Elona tells Peggy that her husband, Darrell, has been in prison. He was caught receiving stolen goods, and while he is out now, he’s still in a hostel in Birmingham for another month or two (is that due to parole conditions?).

When hubby can re-join the family, Elona wants them to move away to make a fresh start.

All of which Peggy is shocked to hear, but understands that Elona needs to think of her family first.

Hmmm.

I’m still not convinced this is some sort of ploy.


James and Leonie offend Bert

Bert’s in pieces. His garden is in pieces. Now he has to put up with “Miss Piggy and Kermit” (Matt said that).

And what’s their reaction to Bert’s ruined pride and joy?

[Leonie] “This is great! Hilarious! … the night before he throws open his garden, badgers pay a visit!”

And she starts interviewing him. Bert is not amused.

[James] “Bert, I’m getting anger here, which is good, but do you think you can throw in a bit of pathos as well?”

The secret microphone swung away from Bert before we could hear his reply …


Lynda’s not keen for James and Leonie to return?

She sounded quite despondent that they’re planning to come back for the Flower and Produce Show

[Leonie] “Rivalry over the rhubarb!”

And that they also mention her Christmas show … as if Lynda needs any more stress at that time of year!


Lynda gets the blame

For Leonie and James’ behaviour.

Which is odd.

Lilian is most definitely to blame for encouraging everything and anything James says or does. And Robert is actually responsible for Leonie existing in the first place.

So why did Jim and Bert tackle Lynda?

[Jim] “Their behaviour today was intolerable”

[Bert] “I don’t want no book coming out with pictures of my lawn in that state!”

[Jim] “I do hope that this isn’t going to become a regular occurrence”

[Lynda] “Oh dear … I’m afraid it might … they have the bit between their collective teeth, you see. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of them”

Collective ‘damns’ are heard throughout Ambridge, the UK, the world …