The Archers Friday 7th October 2011: And that’s why we love Lilian

• Tom’s not a joiner
• Clarrie uses a cabbage as an excuse
• Peggy’s all clean and tidy
• Tom’s new neighbour
• At least Tom has Peggy
• Joe’s happier, Eddie sniffs profit
• Tony could do better than Tom
• At least Tony has Lilian

Tom’s not a joiner

No Sh*t Sherlock. He’s a pigman with an ego that doesn’t make him much of a team player.

He’s talking to Brenda about whether he should join the Fine Foods group he’s mentioned to Helen the other day.

[Tom] “The thing is, I’m not really a joiner … apart from the cricket team … it's not my style, even working with Brian made me feel shackled”

[Brenda] “That’s because he demoted you to very junior partner”

[Tom] “Pigman, you mean”

Seems the group could get Tom into a range of new customers – from small shops to supermarkets – without much extra effort.

Hang on.

Did Tom say he’d be happy to get into supermarkets? There’s a major change.

If he joined, he might also actually have to work alongside other sausage producers.

I don’t think that will work. Not at all.

‘My sausage is better and bigger than yours …’


Clarrie uses a cabbage as an excuse

Clarrie wants to see Emma, so she calls her and tells her:

[Clarrie] “Joe’s cut you a nice savoy cabbage”

Funnily enough, it does the trick.

I don’t know exactly what Clarrie was up to – but she seemed to be digging for some reaction from Emma about Will.

[Clarrie on Ed] “He’s taken to fatherhood like a duck to water”

[Emma] “He’s already a great dad to George”

[Clarrie] “Yeah well, I didn’t mean nothing by it”

(didn’t she?)

[Clarrie on Will] “He were always the kind of lad who were looking to be settled and it’s better for George that he is, don’t you think?”

[Emma] “Yeah well, certainly made things easier for us now that he has his own life”

What was all that about? Was Clarrie thinking Emma still held a flame for Will?


Peggy’s all clean and tidy

Elona’s been round working for Peggy – including making the place cleaner than her actual cleaner gets it.
Peggy is delighted,

[Lilian] “Well, I have to admit you’re looking a lot less tired Lilian”

Lilian doesn’t sound too keen on Elona.

Well, she can spot a trickster from across the settee.

But then again, Elona can’t be that bad if she can make Albanian cheese and spinach pie.


Tom’s new neighbour

I totally forgot – Elona's moving into No. 3 The Green – which is next door to Tom.

He hopes she’ll be quieter than the previous chap.

But I wouldn’t be too sure. Not with two teenage lasses living there as well as Elona and Darrell.


At least Tom has Peggy

She’s one of his biggest fans – next to Brenda, who is just slightly behind Tom himself!

Peggy was waxing lyrical about Tom’s brand – and was quite amused by the pigs playing football. She thinks it’s a great idea.

[Peggy] “Thinking big, as usual!”

[Tom] “Yeah well, that skipped a generation, didn’t it?”

(what a bitch that Tom is. Funny Peggy didn’t notice the slight Tom was making on her son … or does she agree?)

[Tom] “You shake a bucket of food to get them in the mood”

[Peggy] “That sounds like a slogan”

Peggy does have a point that posters like ‘Dig for Victory’ had the same sort of viral impact that today’s internet has.

But will the pigs make the difference to Tom?

I doubt it.

It’s a gimmick. It’s been done before. And they’ve yet to score a goal.


Joe’s happier, Eddie sniffs profit

Clarrie was telling Emma that Joe is really enthusiastic about Jim’s orchard idea.

Seems Eddie is also excited about it.

Free labour = more apples picked = more cider to sell

Ach well. He can have that one. Every penny counts for those Grundys right now.


Tony could do better than Tom

After the dig Tom made at Tony (but said it to Peggy), AND after he’s broken his brand off of Bridge Farm’s, rather than trying to work together to get out of this horrible mess, Tom has the cheek to make Tony help him try and get the pigs to play football.

[Tony] “This is fiddling while Rome burns”

[Tom] “You thought it was funny at first”

[Tony] “Yeah well, it’s wearing a bit thin now”

[Tom] “Gran could see the possibilities”

[Tony] “She’s not facing financial ruin”

To which – Tom let out a very big groan!

Please excuse my French – but she is such an utterly spoilt, ungrateful shit of a son!

Seriously Tony.

Tell him where to stick his pigs.

Let’s see if Tom can make it utterly alone, without any support from anyone.


At least Tony has Lilian

I’ve never hidden my utter adoration of Fagash Lil.

And today was a perfect example of why she’s the crème de la crème of the Archer clan (both sides).

[Lilian, arriving at the Pigs] “The smell never improves, does it?”

[Tony] “Hey Lilian, what’s all this about Matt having a drink with Clive Horrobin. Everyone’s talking about it!”

[Lilian] “It was a terrible idea, and I’ve told Matt he shouldn’t have anything to do with Clive”

[Tony] “Fancy needing to be told”

Lilian wants to talk to both Pat and Tony – but Pat’s off at Ambridge Organics trying to take her out of herself up. Seems she couldn’t even “drag herself” out to the book club the other night.

So Lilian talks to Tony solo.

[Lilian] “I want to apologise, I’ve been so preoccupied with mum I hadn’t quite grasped how serious things had gone here”

[Tony] “Yeah, well I come very low in the pecking order in our family”

[Lilian] “Oh shut up … tell me about this emergency recall charge”

Brenda had earlier mentioned about eh Underwoods charge – and Tony confirms it is £10,000 that they can’t hope to pay.

[Lilian] “I’ll help. I can lend you the 10k straight away … for what it’s worth, I think it’s disgusting Underwoods kicking you when you’re down”

And what’s more – arranging how to pay it back is, according to Lilian, a “conversation for the future”

[Lilian] “I’m a business woman second, I’m your big sister first and you should remember that … why didn’t you come to me sooner, isn’t that what families are for?”

Hear that Jennifer?

You may think you have all the class and quality – but our Lil is a class of her own.