Wednesday 20 April 2011

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 19th April 2011: Alice is digging an even deeper hole

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

  • Is Chas a liar?
  • Alice certainly is
  • Spencer sounds alright
  • “Nice try Jamie, but you’re only 15”
  • The mystery of the trainers
  • Why is Chris saying “whatever”?
  • “innit”
  • Spencer finds Pip interesting
  • Jamie’s such a tw*t
  • Chris wants a boxset, and warm feet



Is Chas a liar?

Chas phones Alice (yet again).

He’s in a flap because the chap who had been coming onto Alice at the club (Sean) was beaten up that night, outside the club.

And Sean’s told the Police that Chas did it. So the Police have questioned Chas.

Chas reckons he didn’t do it:

[Chas] “All I did was pull him off you and read him his fortune”

(eh? I didn’t notice any fortune telling. Or is that ‘street’ talk)

[Chas] “We went home straight after then, yeah. I told the police we were together that night and all the next morning”

What’s more, Chas also told the Police that he and Alice were an item. Because the reality of them not having actually had any adult intimacy was “a bit lame” and that they were “housemates with benefits”.

What an arse.

There was no need to embellish, and it also raises the question (again) about whether Chas told the truth when he said that nothing had happened. It’s not as if Alice would remember.

Which leads us onto Alice agreeing to say to the Police that Chas had been with her the whole time, when she can’t in fact remember – he could easily have beaten up Sean without her having any recollection of it.

Later on, Chas doesn’t miss any opportunity to have a subtle dig at Chris (over Alice being worried about her texts being read, and how Chris should be more understanding about Alice needing to see Tammy … even though it’s a lie).

Maybe Chas is somehow related to Harry. He’s very odd.

Even worse, Alice lets him call her:

[Chas] “Good girl”

after she has agreed to do his bidding.

Yuck.

Alice certainly is

(a liar)

What on earth is wrong with Alice?

She can’t seem to stay away from Chas – has hidden from Chris that she shared Chas’ bed – lied to Chris about needing him to go to work so she could study, when she was actually off to see Chas – and is now lying to Chris about going back down to Southampton.

She’s told Chris that she needs to see her mate Tammy, who she says is having boyfriend problems. She even went as far to berate Chris for not remembering that Tammy had the same problems with her boyfriend at Christmas.

Which is breaking the first rule of lying.

Keep it simple.


Spencer sounds alright

Spencer is Steve’s brother. Steve is one of Jamie’s moronic mates.

[Spencer] “Oh great. Another night with your spotty freaks cluttering up the lounge”

[Spencer] “And turn that down a bit. I’m trying to watch Top Gear”
Well said, Sir.

I think he could be quite suitable boyfriend for Pip indeed.



“Nice try Jamie, but you’re only 15”

Ah, you gotta appreciate Fallon’s style.

She was onto Jamie stealing from The Bull. Instead of shouting at him, she just replaced some beer that he’d stolen with some juices instead, with a note saying:

“Nice try Jamie, but you’re only 15”

But she’s a classy lady, so still left him with two bottles of beer.


The mystery of the trainers

Spencer has Pip’s trainers. He reckons she must have left them there at the Fun Run.

But Pip can’t work out how she could have left them there.

Either way – Spencer seemed very keen to pop them round to Pip, and Pip seemed quite pleased about that.

Do we sense a summer romance for Pip?




Why is Chris saying “whatever”?

He said it the other day, and said it again tonight.

I know Chris isn’t the academic sort, but why has he started using moron language?


“innit”

Or, to be more accurate:

“(inaudible banter that sound like one of Jamie’s mates trying to talk street/Jamaican/”whatever”) innit”

*sigh*

It’s even forced me to this article in the Daily Mail: 'That's phat, brotha! Innit?' Tesco issues guide to teenage slang for its older staff

I really don’t like that anything Ambridge related has made me read something in the Daily Mail.



Spencer finds Pip interesting

Cripes!

Spencer takes Pip’s trainers back to her at Brookfield, so they gently flirt over talk of cows:

[Pip] “Yes, some Brown Swiss and some British Friesian”

[Spencer] “Breeding for longevity, eh?”

[Pip] “The Philosophy is not to stress the herd, lower inputs and lower yield, but better health, more lactations per beast”

Pip does realise that she’s waffling onto a bloke that she’s quote attracted to, but Spencer is also a Young Farmer – so is quite ‘into’ that sort of thing.



Jamie’s such a tw*t

[Jamie] “No matter what time I get in, Fallon and Jolene wake me up for my lunchtime shift”

Aw, diddum. Are the nasty ladies (who let you stay in their house for only £10 a week) then actually make you work to earn your wages.

Terrible!

Not content with stealing booze from The Bull, Jamie is also now stealing Jolene’s cigarettes from her handbag. He reckons he can get away with it, as Jolene can’t admit to anyone that she’s actually still smoking.

He’s then a twerp to ‘Pretty Polly’, who he’s invited round to Steve’s, but doesn’t think to then take her elsewhere (away from the spotty morons).

She quote rightly gets bored/annoyed/furious, so goes home.

Jamie’s so thick, he doesn’t spot that she’s annoyed. But I think he then got the message that she wasn’t interested in seeing him again.

His response?

[Jamie] “that stuck up cow”

Nice Jamie. Very nice. Not much hope of you ever becoming anything decent then … unless someone smacks your bottom, and soon.



Chris wants a boxset, and warm feet

Which I think is perfectly normal and usual – but it’s not exactly exciting for Alice.

Maybe that’s why all the odd behaviour with Chas is happening?

I’m not sure who Chris wanted a box set of, but on the feet came up when he was heading to bed, but Alice was staying up.

[Chris] “Don’t be long. I need something to warm my feet on “

Sexy!

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