- The cows are out!
- Jim’s not impressed with random acts of kindness
- Ed and George’s Slug patrol
- Eddie’s water feature
- Lynda’s Surprise
- Ladies queue noisily for Harry
- Less women queue for Oliver
- Brian bought Clarrie
- Ruth’s drunk
The cows are out!
Yay! One of my favourite times of the year. Ruth’s too:
[Ruth] “They skipped onto the grass this morning. It’s always such a great sight”
[Usha] “And a natural one”
[Ruth] “Exactly”
[Usha] “Makes me shudder to think of row upon rows of cows not being able to row around”
Though Ruth hates to do it, she does correct Usha’s misconception, which is a common ones. The Super Dairy cows will be “loose housed”, which means they can move around.
But they won’t ever get to skip on the grass, eh?!?
Anyhoo – Usha promised to be at the Super Dairy Parish Council meeting, and asks Ruth to lend her support to Alan by coming tonight’s Promise Auction. Ruth doesn’t sound keen, but is persuaded to at least have one night out.
Jim’s not impressed with random acts of kindness
Nor the ban on gossip for lent.
[Jim] “One man’s gossip is another man’s need to know”
[Alan] “It’s all to do with intention, though Jim”
[Jim] “And as for that woolly random act of kindness nonsense, straight out of a Californian self-help book!”
[Alan] “ … To give and not to count the cost”
[Jolene] “I read that most women can keep a secret for precisely 32 minutes”
(I think Jolene missed the point of the conversation …)
[Vicky] “I’m not really one for gossip”
[Lynda] “No. Me neither”
Ha!
They then go on to gossip about Brian only being at the Promise Auction to “flash the cash” to get support for the Super Dairy!
Ed and George’s Slug patrol
Which they’ll do every night for a fortnight.
The bidding goes:
£2 Lynda
£4 Susan
£6 jean (who she?)
Might have gone higher, but they moved the microphones.
Eddie’s water feature
Here we go.
We all know that Eddie has only offered to fit a water feature. Not to buy the whole thing and fit it.
Alan even says that Eddie’s is an “unspecified generous offer”, but then goes on to say that the highest bidder will then get to choose a water feature from it – even top of the range.
*sigh*
Bidding:
£10 Vicky
£12 Jim
£14 Christine
£16 to ‘sir’ (who he?)
£18 Christine
£20 Usha
£25 Vicky … finally ending up with Vicky at £65
Seems Mike wasn’t looking too pleased.
Lynda’s Surprise
Before the auction, Alan had been heard to mutter that Lynda’s Surprise (an unnamed item for the Promise Auction):
[Alan] “It’s a typically weird one from planet Lynda”
And when it comes to Lynda’s item during the auction, it turns out to be Lynda offering her Llamas to come and cut (well, eat) your grass.
[Jim] “Oh for heaven’s sake! It sounds like something out of the Flintstone’s!”
Though Jolene starts off the bidding at £5, everyone else is in fits of laughter.
Lynda rather tearily heads off to hide in the toilet.
Poor Lyndee! Really quite ashamed of Ambridge for taking the Michael out of someone trying to do something different.
Lynda and her Llamas are welcome round mine anytime.
Though the Llamas can just relax. I have false grass rather than real (4 greyhounds + fairly small garden = mud)
Later on, we find out that Alan bidded £30 for the Llamas, and calmed Lynda down by telling her that:
[Alan] “people didn’t knew how to react”
Lynda seems to accept that explanation, and seems quite chuffed. They just now need to arrange a date.
[Lynda] “Oh, they’re ever ready and willing. Like they’re mistress!”
Eh?
Was that Lynda coming on to Alan?
Ladies queue noisily for Harry
Though we still don’t get to hear from Harry. He’s at the Promise Auction, but is hiding at the back.
What’s wrong with that boy? Talk of the village, but doesn’t utter a word!
Anyhoo – Harry’s items is four hours of gardening.
[Alan] “Use him as you will ladies!”
(oo-er! That’s illegal to sell that sort of thing, Alan!)
Bidding starts at £10.
£15 Jolene
£20 Ruth
[Ruth] “Purely for his practical help …”
£25 Vicky
£30 Brenda
£35 Lilian
£40 Ruth
£45 Kirsty
£50 Brenda
£55 Hilary Noakes
[Alan] “Well I think harry could make a comfortable living from the women here tonight!”
(still illegal, Alan)
£60 Usha (much to Alan’s surprise)
£65 Jolene
£70 Usha
£75 Jolene (to save Alan’s marriage …)
£85 Sabrina – and all done
Phew!
So Sabrina wins.
But where was Fallon?
Were Jolene’s bids on her behalf?
Less women queue for Oliver
Poor Oliver’s item (also four hours digging) comes up just after Harry. Which wasn’t quite fair on the poor chap.
[Alan] “Come on ladies, he’s still going to save you a job!”
We didn’t get to hear the bidding, but seems Jim bought Oliver for Joe.
Well done Jim. We didn’t want Oliver to also have to run off to the toilets in tears.
Brian bought Clarrie
Though the general consensus is that Brian paid well over odd for Clarrie's advice on flowering plants.
Was Lynda right about him splashing the cash?
Ruth’s drunk
Reckons Usha, but Usha reckons she herself is just high on atmosphere …
… aye, right then!
They were both just on heat during the Harry bidding.
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