Wednesday, 30 November 2011

The Archers Tuesday 29th November 2011: Tom and Helen about John’s “son”

  • Joe’s not impressed with the new Mart
  • John’s favourite booked was Little Piggly Wriggly
  • Tony adores Brian’s failures
  • Why is anyone surprised at Helen walking away from Lasagne?
  • Helen and Tom … meet your nephew

Joe’s not impressed with the new Mart

It’s too big for him.

[Joe] “I've leant over railings like these to watch cattle auctions all me life and the auctioneer ain't never needed a microphone before … “

But Brian tells Joe the auctioneer wouldn’t be heard otherwise.

[Joe] “ … he never need no fancy spotlights neither nor computers screens on the walls just to sell a few beasts”

But Brian tells him that it’s the most “cutting edge” in the Shire, with plenty of parking.

Joe really isn’t having it. He’s also not impressed by washers for the trucks

[Joe] “Bio security … what’s wrong with a bit of honest dark dirt, eh!”

Tony comes along and tends to agree with Joe. He also reckons that some of the farmers are confused about nowhere to offload their cattle and sheep. And both of them snort when Brian calls the farmers “customers”.

[Tony] “I find it all rather intimidating”

[Brian] “It’s called 21st century technology boys”

And right on cue, the electrics went down.

Almost as if someone had timed it (!).

It meant there was no hot food and drinks (as well as halting the sale), so folks weren’t best pleased.

Which led to Brian bellowing at Cliff for most of the day.

Not to worry. The electrics did come back on again … and went off again just as quickly.

I feel sorry for Cliff …

John’s favourite booked was Little Piggly Wriggly

[Pat] “that should have told us something”

Tony adores Brian’s failures

He was positively glowing at the Mart’s failure on its first day.

[Tony] “Absolutely ridiculous Tom, nobody knew what was going on … in the end the staff had to resort to pen and paper to write the receipts down … and if course people couldn’t pay, only if they had cash on them … IOUs and a handshake like the old days I expect, Brian was furious … Joe was pretty smug about the whole thing …”

Why is anyone surprised at Helen walking away from Lasagne?

(actually, Pat said she “waltzed”)

And, I suppose Helen is a new lady these days. Eating, and all that.

She comes back down with her bridesmaid’s dress on.

[Tony] “You look smashing love!”

[Tom, also approving] “Very slinky, isn’t it!”

[Helen] “You’re not sure it doesn’t make me look big?”

(oh – scratch that last bit – she isn’t 100% a new lady yet)

Helen and Tom … meet your nephew

[Tom] “Are you alright mum?”

[Pat] “More than alright!”

She starts telling them about how she met Kylie at Ivy’s funeral.

[Pat] “She’s a lovely girl”

[Tom] “Not like Sharon …”

[Pat] “Susan told me two weeks ago Kylie’s got a little brother … and we believe, we’ll we’re pretty certain actually, that Rich is …”

[Tony] “ …John’s son”

[Helen, aghast] “Johns!”

[Tom, furious] “No, that’s mad!”

[Tony] “Well, it seemed mad to us, but the more we looked into it, the more probable it become”

So they fetch the laptop.

[Tom] “But Sharon … she must have had loads of boyfriends after John … where on earth have you got all this from?”

[Helen] “Why are you doing this mum?”

[Tom] “So just because the numbers stack up, you want it to be true … I bet she was sleeping around anyway when she was with John, so how can you be certain?”

[Helen] “Why you clutching at straws, trying to bring John back, it’s sick mum!”

[Tony] “Look at the screen before you make up your minds”

And they put up the picture of Rich on the laptop, and also put a picture of John next to it.

[Helen, as she runs off crying] “No!”

[Tom, as he runs off after Helen] “For heaven’s sake, what do you think you’re both playing at!”

Which leaves Tony and Pat in the kitchen themselves.

[Tony] “I tried to warn you”

[Pat] “I hoped they might be a bit excited as well”

[Tony] “That’s what I’ve been trying to get through to you. You can’t anticipate how people will react just because you want something yourself”

They agree that the photo was probably a step too far. And it can’t have helped that Pat was so excited – when this was a complete bolt out of the blue for Helen and Tom.

[Tony] “You agreed to involve them. It can't be a unilateral decision … we need to take this news on board as a family, and it’s going to take time”

While upstairs:

[Helen, hysterically sobbing] “Why does mum want to take us back to that terrible time Tom, why?”

[Tom] “We can’t be sure it is John’s son”

[Helen] “Come on. You saw the photograph …I can’t go back there, I can’t”

Oh sugar.

Just when Helen had found her happy place in life, this could pull her right back to Hellin.

Two observations from me – first, why did Pat and Tony tell them in such a hurried and shocking way? And second, surely some folks can look like other folks without even being related?

No comments: