The Archers Wednesday 31st October 2012
- Fallon’s first night at Jaxx
- The cost of dentures today
- It’s a year since Ivy died
- Joe’s not a fan of trick or treat
- Ed and Emma in, with the lights off
- Emma and George get stranded
- Fat Paul had cardboard AND a pen!
- Folks were poorer back in the day
Fallon’s first night at Jaxx
She’s got themed cocktails. She’s got themed music. (Halloween, of course). She’s got most of Ambridge in for her first night.
(Actually, could this hurt The Bull’s profits? That’d be a tad ironic)
The cost of dentures today
Is not making Joe a happy chappy.
It’s a year since Ivy died
[Emma] “Everything’s gone wrong since then.”
That’s strange.
Emma never struck me as very close to her granny.
Joe’s not a fan of trick or treat
[Joe] “That, eh, treat or trickin, it’s demanding sweets by menaces.”
I quite agree, Joe.
We used to go guising. With a turnip (not a pumpkin – you have to work a turnip for days to get it hollowed out). And with a practised party piece (not just a naff joke, or an outright demand for sweets).
Back in Joe’s day, it was also a bit more gothic.
He used to be scared to look in the mirror at Halloween in case he saw a ghost.
Ed and Emma in, with the lights off
They can’t afford sweets to give to the kids.
Though Joe thinks the lights are off for a decent reason:
[Joe] “Some things are still free, eh.”
[Ed] “You got a long memory granddad!”
Cheeky of Joe.
And a bit disturbing, considering Ed’s his grandson.
Emma and George get stranded
As Emma’s driving George home, smoke starts coming out of the car.
She has to pull over, and get George up the bank. They’re on a rather busy bypass.
Eddie came to save them, but Emma’s fuming with Ed.
She blames him for not getting the car fixed. And that’s it too old anyhoo.
[Emma] “Me and George could have died on the dual carriageway.”
(could’ve - didn’t … not need for drama)
[Ed] “You don’t half mollycoddle him you know!”
(eh?)
So the car’s knackered. They’d just put £20 of petrol in hit. And they need a new car.
Which they don’t have the ready money for, so Ed suggests a loan.
[Emma] “No more debt, we’re drowning in it.”
[Ed] “If you were better at managing …”
[Emma] “Don’t you dare out this on me.”
[Ed] “It was you who spent all the money we put aside for the water bill.”
[Emma] “You expect me to leave money in a drawer when we’ve run out of food?”
Emma reckons she’s proud she’s just about managing to cope. Ed’s angry at himself for not providing.
Such anger.
Oh. So. Grim.
Fat Paul had cardboard AND a pen!
Well done Fat Paul.
It meant that when Eddie went to his to get to tow sorted for Emma, they were proper and legal driving back.
Folks were poorer back in the day
According to Joe.
[Joe] “People ain't poor like the old days, though.”
[Eddie] “Maybe, but they’ve got bigger debts.”
The Archers Tuesday 30th October 2012
- James is losing money and getting fat
- Angels on horseback, Devils on horseback … Tom’s a bore!
- Brenda’s revenge serves cold (soup)
- Is Matt jealous of James?
James is losing money and getting fat
Though he does seem to like his bell. It’s certainly getting a lot of use.
Not so cheerful for James is that he’s lost a client. Seems this one likes face-to-face only, so sacked him.
[Matt] “Lucky escape for someone .. .you’d have to be desperate, I wouldn’t trust him to manage a flea circus … he’s an amateur who’s learned the jargon.”
(‘consultants’ seem to be akin to the devil these days)
James also thinks he’s getting “flab”, lying around all day. That doesn’t stop him eating. Though Lilian has had to go out, so the food isn’t up to the usual standard.
Mushroom soup in a pouch.
Worse still, it means James is at the mercy of Matt.
[Matt] “She’s gone, you’ve got nurse ratchet instead.”
Matt asks James if he wants a sandwich with his soup. James says no. Then says yes. But Matt now won’t make him one.
Let the duel commence … :
[James] “You know, it’s not easy being trapped in sleepy old Ambridge. I feel like a tagged prisoner.”
Course, that’s a dig at Matt. Which Matt reckons James must have been thinking up for a while.
So Matt puts the remote out of James’ reach.
[Matt] “You know what they say, a man’s reach should always exceed his grasp, old chap.”
And with that, Matt walks out and leaves Brenda to cope with the bell ringing James.
Angels on horseback, Devils on horseback … Tom’s a bore!
Poor Lilian.
She got cornered by Tom. He was wittering on about Jolene’s suggestion that he should make Angels on Horseback.
Which starts thinking about the differences between Angels and Devil’s.
Seems an Angel is an oyster (wrapped in bacon), a Devil is a prune (wrapped in bacon).
AND, Pigs in Clover is sausages in a backed tattie.
Riveting.
It was enough to send Lilian back to the hell that currently in the Dower House.
Brenda’s revenge serves cold (soup)
[James] “It’s cock up catering services with ma off the premises.”
James really is oblivious. He must surely have noticed that Brenda doesn’t like him (after their murky past), yet that doesn’t stop him making demands of her.
[James] “Could you show some beverage leadership and bring me a coffee?”
So Brenda takes away his bell until he “learns manners”.
She’d also not heated his soup up properly on purpose.
[Tom] “It’s true then, revenge is best served cold.”
Ha!
Is Matt jealous of James?
That’s what Paul reckons (when he calls Lilian).
She explains that James was hit hard when his dad died (when James was so young). And that she has mothered him a bit too much.
I suppose that could explain why James is such an odious creep.
But I think Matt would have been disagreeable to any offspring of Lilian’s.
He just didn’t want kids.
The Archers Monday 29th October 2012
- The chickens or Phoebe?
- Emma accepts a £6.99 wizard costume is better than a sheet
- Ed’s cows are bulling
- Emma’s spent the water bill money
- Brookfield’s going out for pizza
The chickens or Phoebe?
Josh is back at Hayley and Neil’s chickens again.
He’s fixing a plank that had come lose, and Phoebe had tripped on.
Neil explains that the chicken’s was something he and Betty had started. Then Hayley took it over, but it’s been proving a job too much.
Josh wants to work the chickens.
Neil agrees. Josh will do every weekend, feeding, collecting and scraping. Hayley will still pack and grade them.
Josh will get a whopping £30 a week, and is on a three month trial. But, that all depends on the Council agreeing (oh good god!).
[David] “With you being a youngster.”
[Josh] “No one says youngsters!”
Question is – is Josh just working for the love of a woman …?
Emma accepts a £6.99 wizard costume is better than a sheet
Emma’s calmed down today.
She’s happy (ish) for George to go to the Safari with Will. And she’s happy George has a proper outfit for Halloween. She wants George to:
[Emma] “Go around the village in a decent outfit and not an old sheet.”
Seems like she’s got a bit of perspective.
Well, until one of Ed’s cows starts hobbling …
Ed’s cows are bulling
Which means they’re mounting each other. Like a bull. But they’re girls.
(they could just be ladies’ ladies)
One of them came off badly (as it were). She’s now crossing her feet, trying to keep her weight off her claw. Which means she’s either fractured it, or she’s got ulcers.
After Alastair’s been round, the cow will have to be on blocks for 2 or 3 months. And the vet bill won’t be too cheap.
The car tax is also due.
Blimey.
‘Grim’ is starting to be an understatement.
Emma’s spent the water bill money
Neil’s popped over to see Emma, just as she opens her water bill.
She’s a tad upset.
Neil’s also a tad upset when he realises that Emma hasn’t had any lunch. Only cake mid-afternoon. He gives her £10 to help out.
(actually, couldn’t Emma have done the chickens?)
When Ed gets home, he’s furious to find that the money they’d been putting aside to pay the water bill is gone. Emma has spent it.
[Ed] “What on?!?”
[Emma] “What do you think, just day to day stuff … I had no choice Ed. I ran out of money.”
Brookfield’s going out for pizza
To celebrate Josh’s job.
[Josh] “Ah cool, mum. Saves you having to heat one up at home.”
*snort*!
The Archers Sunday 28th October 2012
- Safaris, Supermarkets and sheets
- Topical insert: the clocks have changed
- Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?
- Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett
- Only proper bangers for the big bangs
- Gies a bell
Safaris, Supermarkets and sheets
Will’s got a day off next Thursday. As it’s half term, he wants to take George with him and their side of the family to a Safari.
Emma sounds irritated. But how can she say no? It’s more than she and Ed can offer.
On the flip side, Ed’s pondering whether to try and get night shifts stacking shelves at Tesco.
Emma reckons not.
They need the money, but neither Ed, nor their marriage, would survive it.
It does seem to be getting worse and worse for Ed and Emma.
They now can’t afford batteries for George’s toys (yikes! A child without toys to occupy them. *shudder*)
[Emma] “He can play with his pet guinea pig instead.”
(we seriously need to get that guinea pig out of there. She doesn’t sound at all appreciated)
But it’s not all doom and gloom. Emma’s found a Halloween party at the library, which is free (and hopefully fun). So, rather than compete with Will, she’s going to do the best with what she has to hand. Which means making George a costume.
[Emma] “I really need something to make that white sheet more interesting …”
Emma sticks stars to it.
But later on, she’s distraught at her creation.
[Emma] “Well if I can’t even make Georgie a Halloween costume, what use am I?”
She starts to panic.
They need oil before Christmas. Winter clothes for Keira. And then there’s Christmas.
To add to her woes, Will drops George back early, without feeding him.
AND Will’s bought George a wizard costume. It was only £6.99 …
AND:
[George] “Mummy, Nic’s food tastes nicer than yours. We had chicken today.”
Oh, goodness me.
I’m starting to really feel sorry for Emma. She is trying, more so than ever.
She bins the costume she’s made:
[Emma] “It’s rubbish. I’m rubbish.”
Ever more grim …
Topical insert: the clocks have changed
It fell to Emma to remind us this year that the clocks have changed:
[Emma] “I feel weird enough today with the clocks changing.”
Cheers Emma!
Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?
Fallon seems to think so.
She thinks Naomi thinks (!) that her (Fallon) getting the job was a “stitch up”.
Well.
Naomi’s not too far off the mark.
Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett
Matt’s rather random bad behaviour continues.
He’s refusing to lift a finger to help James.
Now James may be a pain, but he is Lilian’s son, and he is genuinely hurt.
But no.
Matt won’t help cook (leaving Lilian to do it all). And he won’t check on James when Lilian’s out (so Lilian can’t go out very often). He justifies it by saying he never wanted kids in the first place:
[Matt] “That’s precisely why I never had one, far too demanding.”
And with that, he goes to the pub.
So, Lilian calls Paul to tell him how much of an arse Matt is being. Paul must be delighted to hear that their relationship is rapidly deteriorating.
[Paul] “Isn’t that what Alf Garnett used to say, ‘I’m going down the pub’?”
Only proper bangers for the big bangs
Jolene’s organising The Bull’s Bonfire night. She stresses to Tom that she wants his traditional sausages, not the spicy ones.
Seems only “proper” sausages will do.
Gies a bell
Lilian’s had to borrow the closing time bell from The Bull to give to James.
Does that means there’s no closing time?
The Archers Friday 26th October 2012
- No extra for Ed or Emma
- Even the cows inspire Lynda
- Lynda’s cast expands
- Will they, won’t they?
No extra for Ed or Emma
We already know about their lack of bread, but seems Ed and Emma are also low on marg.
Ed’s not even allowed to scrape the last of it out with his finger. They need that for the kids.
It’s grim.
[Emma] “I’m not asking for the lottery. Just a bit extra to get by.”
At last, Emma’s trying to get work (she must have heard me ranting). But she’s not having any luck. The Orangery at Lower Loxley only needs her once in a while. The cards asking for cleaners in the shop should have been taken down, as the work is gone. Emma tried an agency, but they won’t let her take Keira with her to work (which would defeat the point of working, due to nursery costs. If she can get into one).
[Emma] “I want to work … I should be backing you up.”
[Ed] “Nothing’s more important than what you do … I don’t want anyone else looking after them … maybe what you’re doing know will make it better for Keira growing up.”
So, Ed decides he needs to find more work. Even though he has only a few hours away from work as it is.
He asks Tom, making out they just need the extra cash for Christmas. Ed’s mortified at having to ask, Tom’s mortified at him asking. And then having to say no.
How desperately grim.
Even the cows inspire Lynda
Lynda’s getting very frisky indeed about her Elizabethan Christmas.
[Lynda] “Well, I’m feeling inspired. The bard, you know … your cows look so cosy, or am I romancing Tom?”
Just romancing, Tom reckons.
He has to deal with what comes out the other end of them.
Lynda’s cast expands
Oliver is going to read one of Shakespeare’s sonnets.
Caroline will do something, but hasn’t decided one as yet.
[Ed] “You should ask Jazzer, he does love the sound of his own voice.”
[Lynda] “He’ll only single Elizabethan ballads if we can find him some bawdy ones!”
Though Lynda has a cunning plan. She’ll just give him ballads which sound as if they’re rude:
[Lynda] “It doesn’t really matter what the words mean, as long as he believes it’s smutty.”
Pip’s going to be musical director (eh?)
And Patrick’s going to be their pianist again.
Will they, won’t they?
Rhys and Fallon are practising their romantic scene.
(Just like Harry and Fallon had to do)
Their piece is about the characters not knowing that they’re meant for each.
[Rhys] “The audience should just be screaming at the end, ‘just get together, everyone can see it but you’.”
*sigh*
Doesn’t any young person just get their leg over these days?
(well, Jazzer excepted)
The Archers Thursday 25th October 2012
- Not a warm welcome for James
- Joe’s teeth startle Peggy
- Peggy, Jack and a box of leaves
- Tom has a “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”
- A fag and a chat with Paul
- Too salty!
Not a warm welcome for James
Matt’s obviously not remotely amused that he has to suffer (a broken) James in his (and Lilian’s) house.
He reckons that, despite his broken leg and the trauma of being in a car crash, James is a “lucky boy”.
[Matt] “Here’s you, with Lilian running round after you … Keep your orders to a minimum, keep yourself from under her feet, and keep yourself busy.”
It doesn’t get off to a good start.
James manages to get to the remote before Matt does … oh dear.
Joe’s teeth startle Peggy
She doesn’t need that sort of shock at her stage of life.
Peggy, Jack and a box of leaves
Peggy’s collected autumn leaves and berries to talk to Jack at the Laurels. They’re going to look at them, feel them and talk about them.
Sounds marvellous.
Jack’s a lucky chap indeed.
Tom has a “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”
Tom’s still banging on about what Christmas special he can sell.
Takes Peggy to have the bright idea.
She reasons that the:
[Peggy] “One thing the Christmas cooks need is time”
So, she suggests Tom markets his ready meals as a time save in the run up to Christmas.
[Tom] “Gran, you are a legend”
Brenda concurs.
[Brenda] “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”
[Tom] “Or man.”
[Brenda] “Yeah but it's usually a woman, and a man wouldn't stress about it in the same way.”
Hmmm.
A fag and a chat with Paul
Lilian’s a tad stressed herself, running round after James, and having to suffer Matt not quietly suffering James.
As she’s out for a cigarette, Paul telephones her, and calls her a “kind and loving woman.”
Keep this up Paul … she’ll be yours in not time.
(though it’s not been proved yet whether Paul is actually the nicer or better of the two brothers)
Too salty!
Tom’s readymade meals, ready made by another company, are ready.
(sorry!)
[Brenda] “Well done Tom. Can’t believe someone else has finally cooked them.”
The casserole tastes grand.
But the meatballs are too salty.
That’s a shame.
[Tom] “Someone’s going to come in to a rather unpleasant answerphone message in the morning!”
Steady on there Tom.
That’s fighting talk, that is.
The Archers Wednesday 24th October 2012
- What’s cheaper: village shop or supermarket?
- Joe’s second best teeth
- Freddie’s getting a maths tutor
- Adam’s enthusiastic
What’s cheaper: village shop or supermarket?
One could be forgiven for thinking supermarkets are always cheaper, but there’s the petrol to consider.
It’s a conundrum Emma has to ponder.
As she does, while buying nappies, Neil comes in to pay her way.
Which she didn’t ask for, didn’t immediately accept and was grateful for.
Later on, while at Neil and Susan’s, Emma asks if she can take a slice of pie back for Ed (poor chap always loses out to the kids), and Neil gives her some sausages. Sausages are, after all, aplenty at Neil and Susan’s.
Again, Emma was very grateful.
Will this humbling experience actually make Emma a better person?
Joe’s second best teeth
After losing his best pair in the apple scratter, Joe has to resort to his second best pair.
[Joe] “Not very comfy, but beggars can’t be choosers.”
Trouble is, Joe’s second best pair shock (yes, shock!) people.
Seems they’re very white indeed. To the extent that Ruth even calls them American.
[David] “When he grinned at me, I didn’t know whether to smile back or run for the hills … talk about the big bad wolf … and the colour, good grief!”
[Neil] “They’re florescent.”
As you may remember from Apple Day, neither Joe nor Eddie told anyone that Joe’s other pair of teeth was smashed into the cider.
Though Joe’s not very good at keeping secrets:
[Joe] “You might say it was the apples getting their own back.”
Joe does realise he’s saying too much, so slopes off before everyone twigs. Which, of course, they have:
[David] “Ah, probably best not to think about it.”
Freddie’s getting a maths tutor
Poor Freddie.
But it’ll be Ifty.
That’ll soften the blow, surely?
A nice chap who likes cricket. What more could Freddie want?
Not having to do extra maths, maybe … ?
Adam’s enthusiastic
Which David’s glad to see, even though he thinks it’s because Adam is getting excited about the Super Dairy.
I suspect it might have more to do with Adam realising he’s never had it so good with Ian … post Pavel.
The Archers Tuesday 23rd October 2012
- Fallon’s the new Manager of jazz
- Brenda’s life just gets worse
- When Fallon Met Rhys
- Christmas pudding shapes sausages
- A jobless Christmas?
Fallon’s the new Manager of jazz
Despite being rather reserved during the interview, it seems Don was impressed by Fallon’s “ideas, warmth and charm”.
She’s got the job, on a three month trial.
[Rhys] “You are perfect for the job. It’ll be great.”
Rhys didn’t sound too enthusiastic, neither did Fallon, about not working together.
Aw, they’re going to miss each other.
Brenda’s life just gets worse
Engaged to Tom. Works for Matt (and Lilian – who hates Busty Brenda) and now she has to suffer James also being at the Dower House.
[Brenda] “It’s going to be total misery.”
When Fallon Met Rhys
[Tom] “I just don’t get that, how opposites attract thing.”
Rhys is talking about the part he’s play to Fallon’s in (the extract of) Mucho Ado. Brenda reckons is a When Harry Met Sally type of scenario.
Hmmm.
How long do we think Fallon and Rhys are going to draw this out.
Christmas pudding shapes sausages
That does indeed sounds horrid.
[Brenda] “Me and Roy still have nightmares about eating them.”
Tom’s trying to think of a novelty food items for Christmas. Something a bit more exciting than chipolatas.
A jobless Christmas?
The consultant’s at Lower Loxley draws.
Hayley’s terrified.
[Hayley] “Everyone feels like he’s watching their every little move … anyone could be in for the chop.”
And if it’s her and Roy … they’ll need to go round Ed and Emma’s to find out how to make a loaf of bread feed four morning, noon and night.
The Archers Monday 22nd October 2012
- Fallon has to prove herself
- Truffles for the sick boy
- At least Lilian has Paul
Fallon has to prove herself
Probably the worst thing Fallon could have done before he interview was to talk to Kenton.
She’s worried about the differences between what she’s used to at The Bull, and what’s done at Jaxx. Especially things like cocktails and wine.
[Kenton] “It’s a bistro. Not the ivy.”
That’s helpful.
But, Kenton does have some good advice:
[Kenton] “I’ll tell you what gives you the edge. It’s that creativity … that’s what makes you special … it’s the perfect place for all your ideas.”
Fallon has to wait an extra 20 minutes while Naomi’s interview runs over. Naomi also leaves her interview with a “big grin” on her face.
Pity Fallon couldn’t be so positive about her interview. Though Jim was nodding and smiling at her, Don didn’t give much away.
[Fallon] “It felt like what I was saying was being swallowed up into some black hole.”
Oh dear. That didn’t sound good.
Truffles for the sick boy
James is insufferable at his best … he’s a nightmare now he has a broken leg.
Hospital most definitely does not suit him:
[James] “My day is only punctuated by sound of some idiot on the TV building, making over or selling a house, and by the delivery of meals.”
(well, he could turn the TV off, for starters)
Lilian’s been shopping for him though, making sure he has healthy food for when he gets back to the Dower House.
Including truffles.
James also has a rather hefty list of things Lilian needs to do for him. Including getting everything from out of his (totalled) car, driving to London to pick up stuff from his flat, and a shopping list for Borchester.
He later begs Lilian to discharge him early. Alongside the TV and food, he’s also finding it hard to sleep.
[James] “Stuck here between the snoring champion of South Borchester on my left and on my right the marathon night mumbler … I can’t wait to come and stay with you. No one looks after me like you do, ma.”
At least Lilian has Paul
Paul called to see how James was.
Lilian was ever delighted to hear from him.
I wonder.
Is Paul just making all of the right noises to get Lilian’s attention? Or does he really give a hoot about her family?
The Archers Sunday 21st October
- No coffee for Matt
- Will’s got a healthy population of young birds
- Pin the maggot on the apple???
- Drunk or just nae teeth?
- Will buys George a toffee apple
No coffee for Matt
Relations in the Dower house are a tad acrimonious … even before James arrives from hospital.
Matt asks Lilian is there was any coffee left in the pot.
Lilian didn’t answer him. She just pored herself the last cup.
Lilian then asks if he can clean the tables and do the dishes, as she has to get to the hospital. He says no, he’s too busy.
[Lilian] “I’ll do it myself. I might have known you wouldn’t lift a finger to help, it’s exactly what I’ve come to expect!”
Matt also doesn’t go with Lilian to hospital, sending a very insincere ‘best’ instead.
[Lilian] “Of course, work was always your priority, even on a Sunday.”
[Matt] “I’m not point scoring Lilian, but someone’s got to keep the business ticking over”.
Later on, not content with going to see James in hospital, Matt adds insult to injury:
[Matt] “Don’t worry, I know he’s in pain, but he was probably playing it up a bit … putting it on a bit to get you sympathy.”
[Lilian] “Next you’ll be saying he’ll be okay to go straight back to London.”
Seriously – why is Matt suddenly doing himself no favours?
Does he actually want Lilian to run off with Paul?
Will’s got a healthy population of young birds
Lucky Will!
(I know … I say the same sort of crass thing every year)
With bookings for the shoot down, Will has plenty to see them right through the season. November and December will be as usual, but they may have to close the season in January due to a lack of demand.
Less bankers with bonuses this year?
Pin the maggot on the apple???
Eh?
Is that a normal Apple Day activity?
The longest peel competition and toffee apples, I can more than understand.
But pin the maggot on the apple, with the one who pins the maggot closest to the middle wins? Surely that’s just odd.
Drunk or just nae teeth?
As Joe was demonstrating the apple scratter, he sounded most decidedly tipsy.
But it was just that he didn’t have his teeth in. Again.
He’d put them on the scratter somewhere, and reckons they must have fallen in.
[Joe] “They’ve been scrunched to smithereens!”
[Eddie] “Flipping ‘eck, a side of bacon is one thing, a frat even, but a set of false teeth in the cider! … Listen dad, you’ll have to keep your mouth shut. Don’t smile, don’t speak to anyone … I’m not having Jim dock our cider allocation.”
Yuck!
Will buys George a toffee apple
Emma is not amused. She’d already told George that he couldn’t have one.
[Emma] “Thought you’d come over and splash the cash in front of everyone … it’s undermining me, undermining me in front of the kids.”
[Will] “You’re not the only one who has charge of George, and I'm not going to ask your permission for everything I do for him.”
Oops.
Will has a point. But so does Emma.
Where’s Clarrie? She should be refereeing this one.
The Archers Friday 19th October 2012
- It’s the same night as the day before
- Of course he wouldn’t leave Lilian alone
- Brian gets his man
- James’ car has a waiting list
- The Rotarians are tiring Kathy
- Jamie makes Kathy a cup of tea
- Jamie wants to work for himself
It’s the same night as the day before
How odd.
That means we’ll never get to hear what happened in Ambridge on Friday 19th October 2012 .
I hope the trickery and randomness of Ambridge Extra isn’t going to influence our usual microphone placing people …
I also got confused with my notes yesterday. It was only tonight that Jennifer gets home to find out Alice has her MSC.
How confusing!
Of course he wouldn’t leave Lilian alone
[Paul] “It’s no good, you’re not going to get a skinny mochachino, no foam, out of that thing.”
Lilian called, Paul came running.
[Paul] “Lilian, of course I came. There’s no way I’d leave you on your own with this.”
Paul sits with Lilian, and helps her to get some answers, only leaving when Lilian’s allowed to see James … and in case Matt turns up (which is unlikely. Matt will still be boozing with his mates).
Paul returns later to drive Lilian back home in her own car, stopping off at a pub to then get a taxi back to his.
Inconvenient, but that’s what one does for the one one loves. (eh Matt)
[Paul] “I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing anything else.”
Brian gets his man
Rob said yes.
That’ll mean we’ll be welcoming some new Ambridge residents soon.
James’ car has a waiting list
James has an nondisplaced spiral fracture of the tibia.
[James] “and they keep telling me I’m lucky”
He didn’t need an operation, but will have his leg in plaster for three months, and won’t be able to walk properly for another couple of months after that.
[James] “How am I going to manage? Oh Ma!”
Well, he’ll be managing because Lilian will be looking after him. She’s insisting he comes to stay at the Dower House.
Seems his car didn’t come out of it so well. It’s a complete write off.
Though the car let him down:
[James] “I shouldn’t have been hurt at all with all the safety features it has.”
He is more worried about the car than himself:
[James] “Do you have any idea how long the waiting list is for that model, in that colour!?!”
He reckons he wasn’t speeding, and had been drinking … though he does admit (to Lilian) that he was going fast.
The Rotarians are tiring Kathy
Though she didn’t really reveal how and why …
Jamie makes Kathy a cup of tea
Without being asked to!
That boy really is growing up.
Jamie wants to work for himself
So Jamie’s big plan is to work with Mike, then start up his own business. He reckons he could take that business anywhere in the world.
Kathy’s worried about how secure that would be for him, but Jamie pointed out that no job is secure these days.
It sounds like Kathy is actually listening to Jamie, and that Jamie has started to think this through properly.
What a shocker.
No shouting to be found in the Perks’ household!
The Archers Thursday 18th October 2012
- Keith hasn’t been sentenced
- Joyce will be home soon
- James has been in an accident
- An all-male shortlist … the thrill!
- Brian needs punched!
Keith hasn’t been sentenced
Goodness, I’d forgotten about Keith.
They’re doing a pre-sentence and psychiatrist report before he’s sentenced.
[Jennifer] “Psychiatric … wonder what that will come up with!”
Steady on Jennifer.
I wouldn’t be too quick to laugh at him … his is family, after all.
Joyce will be home soon
Which is nice. Though sounds like Lilian will miss her one-on-one chats with Arthur.
James has been in an accident
Lilian get a call to say James has been in a car crash.
She rushes off to the hospital, but can’t get through to Matt (I think he was off on a lads’ night out?).
Though it seems James isn’t too badly hurt. He has a leg injury that may require an operation.
[Lilian] “I might need to nip outside, I need to have a … make a phone call.”
Lilian still can’t get Matt. She also can’t get through to Jennifer.
So who does she call next?
Tony?
No.
Adam?
Nope.
Jolene?
Indeed not.
When Lilian does finally manage to get Matt to answer his phone, he’s very untroubled and unconcerned that James is hurt. He’s more interested in staying at his lads’ do.
[Matt] “Give you a ring when it wraps up, and if you’re still stuck there, I’ll come and find you … there’s nothing I can do there, I’m not a doctor.”
Lilian tries to tell him that she just needs him there, to be there with her. So that she isn’t alone.
[Matt] “I better go. It’s the cigar break.”
[Lilian] “You ba …. !!!”
So, Lilian calls Paul (of course).
Now I know Matt can be an arse in any situation, but it’s really very odd that he’s not even faking concern about James, just to keep Lilian happy.
Very strange that he made the effort to take Lilian to Paris (trying to sweeten her now that Paul is back around), but now is completely disinterested.
That’ll make things far easier for his half-brother to steal away Matt’s Puss …
An all-male shortlist … the thrill!
Brian’s got the shortlist for the Super Dairy manager down to five.
Though he wants a chap called Rob Titchener to take the job. But Rob needs to talk to his wife first, which annoys Brian.
[Jennifer] “That’s rich coming from you, I’m not always the first person you tell about your businesses decisions, quite the reverse, or even your personal ones for that matter.”
Not sure why we’re spending so much time listening in on Brian’s staffing issues.
Brian needs punched!
(once again!)
Jennifer’s a tad excitable. She’s waiting to hear from Alice – who, if she has passed her degree, will also get a job that’s been offered to her.
But no degree, no job.
Brian’s decreed they’re going out to eat, because Jennifer is so excitable, and he’s also stressed about whether Rob will take the job.
BUT, Brian also decreed that Jennifer would have to leave her mobile at home, while he can take his. Brian’s theory is that Jennifer wouldn’t be able to stop checking it, but wouldn’t be able to do anything about whether Alice has/hasn’t got the job. So, that can wait. In complete contrast to Brian, who needs his phone to be able to sort out the Super Dairy manager position. Something he can control.
[Jennifer] “What about mum?”
[Brian] “What crises? That she can’t find her reading glasses!”
When They got home after their meal, Alice has been trying to call to say she’d passed, and got the job. And, of course, Lilian had been trying to get through about James.
I don’t know why Jennifer lets Brian boss her about like that.
The Archers Wednesday 17th October 2012
- The Super Dairy is already causing headaches
- Is no-one looking forward to James’ visit?
- The haves and the have nots
- Should children be clipped to fences?
- Nothing less than the Armada will do for Lynda
- Is Emma selfless?
The Super Dairy is already causing headaches
Literally.
The thumping from the initial building work can be heard all the way over in Brookfield.
Is no-one looking forward to James’ visit?
[David] “We won’t have to see James, will we?”
So the answer is no.
Apart from Lilian, of course.
The haves and the have nots
On the subject of James, David reckons:
[David] “What a tough time they’re all having in the big smoke.”
In comparison, Brookfield’s doing just fine. Both as a business, and as a family.
Well, that surely can’t last.
Should children be clipped to fences?
I would have thought not.
But it’s what Emma did to Keira while she tried to carry her pram over the (more flooded than usual) ford.
Nothing less than the Armada will do for Lynda
Robert’s managed to persuade Neil to do the scenery for the Christmas show, again.
[Neil] “She wants the armada sailing up the Am as a finale!”
Is Emma selfless?
Neil and Susan are in the know about Emma being invited to her friend’s wedding in London, but not able to afford it.
[Susan] “You know what it is, Emma just never puts herself first .. it’s always about the children, but when it comes to treating herself, she’s forgotten how.”
Really?
Or are Emma and Ed just so skint that Emma doesn’t even have a choice? I can imagine even the most selfish of folks would spend money on themselves when they and their family didn’t even have enough bread to go round.
Anyway – Neil and Susan decide to give Emma £150 for the wedding. At least Emma does have the decent to be both grateful and humble:
[Emma] “at my age, I should be able to pay me own way.”
[Susan] “you are to spend it all on you, understand!”
[Ed] “You’re not to do things on the cheap … Jodie’s going to wish she’d never asked you. You’re going to put her in the shade!”
Though I am a bit amazed at how far Ambridge folks think £150 goes these days. I’d have thought it’d be just enough to cover the train.
So, Emma shall go to the ball after all.
But without Ed:
[Ed] “Me, in London, I don’t think so …”
(to London)
The Archers Tuesday 16th October 2012
- Ed feels rubbish Emma can’t go to the ball
- Kirsty’s nonplussed, Naomi’s a “monster”
- Lynda wants performers
Ed feels rubbish Emma can’t go to the ball
Ed’s found Emma’s invite to her friend’s wedding in London. He wants her to go.
[Emma] “Of course I want to Ed, but when did I last get to do what I want? … One, it’s a wedding, two it’s in London, three it’s a posh wedding, four it’s in London, five I’d have to get a present and six I’ve got nothing to wear.”
Goodness me – such negativity in one so young!
Though Emma has a point that she’s really no right to be going to a “posh” wedding in London when George needs new jeans that they can’t afford, and they have bills to pay but no money to pay them.
(I’ll say it again … get a job Emma!)
Later trying to find Fallon to see if she could lend Emma some clothes, Ed tells Eddie his woes.
[Ed] “I’d love to be able to do that for her … I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT FOR HER!!!!”
Poor Ed.
And poor Eddie. He’s just as skint, and can’t even offer them a lend.
[Ed] “It’s alright dad, I didn’t expect a bail out.”
[Eddie] “I only wish I could.”
Kirsty’s nonplussed, Naomi’s a “monster”
Fallon’s in a flap about her interview for the manager of Jaxx.
Kirsty’s very quick to reassure that she doesn’t want the job (she only wants to work their part time – quite happy also working part time at Ambridge Organics). And she reckons Naomi also won’t be any competition as she’s a “monster”.
But Fallon’s not convinced. She’d like to pull out of the interview, but that would mean no job for Rhys. If she goes for the interview and doesn’t get the job, that would mean no job for Rhys.
[Kirsty] “What you decide can’t help Rhys either way.”
Lynda wants performers
Lynda’s on the hunt for a cast.
Kirsty tries to say no,, but Lynda isn’t listening.
Fallon’s already said yes, and now needs other “ladies” to join her in singing Hey Nonny Nonny. Though she has Pat and Molly Button, she doesn’t sound too sure that’ll be sufficient.
Susan will be “Mistresses of the Wardrobe”, with Vicky assisting.
Jim’s still not been persuaded to take part, which Lynda is none too amused about.
[Lynda] “You’re not giving me excuses?”
[Kirsty] “Some of us tried!”
Every year it’s the same. Why do Ambridge residents even bother saying no to Lynda when they must know if she wants them on the stage, she’ll get them on the stage.
The Archers Monday 15th October 2012
- Fallon has competition
- Jim’s been teaching Jazzer new tunes
- Jazzer’s gutted
- James is coming to stay, Matt will be going out
- Kenton and Rhys might be out of a job
- Jim obsession with Mike is found out
Fallon has competition
Seems Don (part owner of Jaxx with Jim) wants to interview Fallon. Properly.
[Jim] “He does labour under some illusions of grandeur.”
Problem is, though Kenton knows and trusts Fallon, Don has no ken of her at all.
Kenton assumed far too much. Jim is not amused Kenton has given Fallon such false hope.
[Jim] “Just because swapping jobs work for you.”
Worse still for Fallon, Kirsty and Naomi will also be interviewed for the job. Kirsty’s her pal, and Naomi was temporary manager while Kenton was on holiday.
[Jim] “It’s up to Fallon now to prove her worth.”
[Kenton] “She’s not going to be very impressed, neither will Jolene.”
[Fallon] “A chat, you said, a look see not an interview proper!”
Jim’s been teaching Jazzer new tunes
“You're the cream in my coffee
You're the salt in my stew
You'll always be my necessity
I'd be lost without you”
[Jazzer] “Do you know like it?”
[Fallon] “How do you know it?”
Seems Jim’s been teaching Jazzer Nat King Cole, as well as the classics.
Jazzer’s gutted
Fallon tells Jazzer she might be leaving to work to Jaxx.
[Jazzer] “It will like the day after your birthday, or the day your realise you have to put your favourite t-shirt out for the rags, or the end of a great night, when the music stops and the lights come up.”
Jazzer reckons he won’t even drink in The Bull even more (even though Jim’s is just across the green from it). He’s not looking forward to the cost of taxis to and from Jaxx, as well as having to meet the dress code.
Aw.
It’s a shame Fallon doesn’t love Jazzer.
He certainly does adore her.
James is coming to stay, Matt will be going out
Well, can anyone blame him?
Kenton and Rhys might be out of a job
Jazzer also has a go at Jim:
[Jazzer] “What’s this about you stealing Fallon away to Jaxx? What you playing it … if you think Kenton's ugly mush behind the bar of my local is gonnae cut it, you're wrang."
So, The Bull might lose one of its most regular punters.
But, potentially worse than Fallon getting the job is Fallon not getting the job.
[Kenton] “As far as Jaxx goes, I’ve pretty much burnt my boats.”
Which means Fallon has to go for the job regardless.
And if she doesn’t get it, Kenton would still need a job, so would still work at the Bull.
Which means Rhys would be out of a job.
[Fallon] “Well done Kenton. All this so that you can get your move … do I lose my job here?”
Oops.
Kenton’s done it again.
Jim obsession with Mike is found out
Jim doesn’t know how to resize photos to email them, so asks Jazzer to do the honours.
[Jim] “I think young people’s brains must be wired differently when it comes to technology.”
Looking through the photos, Jazzer can’t help but notice the sheer volume of ones of Mike.
[Jazzer] “Putting on his hard hart, holding his chainsaw, Jim, is there something you want to tell me?”
Seems not.
Rather than just tell Jazzer he’s submitting an article about Mike to Borchester Life, Jim clams up.
Why?
Surely it’s better for Jazzer to know (and potentially knew Jim’s failure, if his article isn’t accepted), than have Jazzer think Jim loves Mike?
Seemingly not. Jim would rather his failures were kept secret. He must be very secure indeed in his sexuality.
The Archers Sunday 14th October 2012
- Fallon’s never been for a job before
- The Bull’s dishwasher is very noisy
- Emma has a guinea pig, Pip gets to ski
- Rhys isn’t interested?
Fallon’s never been for a job before
[Jolene] “Working at The Bull is all she’s ever known.”
Lucky Fallon!
Kenton’s confused. He thinks he’s offering Fallon a “golden opportunity” to manage Jaxx, and quite believe she still hasn’t made her kind up whether to or not.
Part of Fallon’s worry is the interview. She’s never had to do one before.
Kenton reckons she won’t really be interviewed for Jaxx.
[Kenton] “Giving her the once over.”
Fallon seems to believe Kenton’s guarantees, and says yes.
[Jolene] “Just spare a thought for me, stuck here with him.”
[Kenton] “What, your willing slave doing all the heavy work? You’ll have never had it so good.”
The Bull’s dishwasher is very noisy
Even for an industrial one. I could barely hear Jolene and Kenton talking.
Emma has a guinea pig, Pip gets to ski
[Pip] “That’s so unfair, some time to yourself and you’re on guinea pig duty.”
(seriously – will someone save that guinea pig? It should be a pleasure, not a chore, to look after it)
Pip’s going on a skiing holiday after Christmas. She’s got new clothes, and is quite excited.
Emma’s been invited to a wedding.
In London.
Which gets Pip excited again.
[Pip] “WOW! … A posh wedding in London, hot often does that come around?”
(has Pip never been to London?)
Seems Emma’s invite is from Jody, a girl she went to school with. Emma reckons she was the “one that got away”, and then met a rich bloke. Sounds like that’s exactly what Emma wishes had happened to her.
But, Emma can’t afford to go. Amongst all the other cost, she hasn’t got anything to wear.
Pip offers her some of her clothes:
[Emma] “We’re not really the same shape …”
[Pip] “I suppose not. I’m quite a bill taller than you.”
(hmmm. Who’s the ‘larger’ lady out of the two, do we think?)
Rhys isn’t interested?
Fallon tells Rhys about Kenton’s offer. Rhys is excited for her.
[Rhys] “You're made for it. I’m so pleased Kenton’s recognised your talent.”
Oh.
Doesn’t that sound like Rhys isn’t too bothered he won’t get to work with Fallon anymore? Maybe he isn’t interested in her.
Or is he just a good chap, being happy for her rather than thinking of his own needs.
The Archers Friday 12th October 2012
- Lilian doesn’t want a drink
- Fashion Shows
- Kenton’s wants to swap with Fallon
- Free entertainment for Ed and Emma
- Joe left his teeth in the shop
- George got a karate suit
- Will nobody think of the guinea pig?
Lilian doesn’t want a drink
Blimey.
Things between her and Matt must be rock bottom if she doesn’t even want a wee gin in The Bull.
Fashion Shows
[Kenton] “I’m glad you’re sitting down. You’ll need to be. Sabrina Thwaite’s just said something interesting.”
Seems she’s been talking about the popularity of fashion shows at the King’s Head.
Kenton’s listening, and thinks it’d be a grand idea for The Bull.
Aye, I’m sure a fashion show would make things up to Bob Pullen after Tug Fowler.
Kenton’s wants to swap with Fallon
After their extended holiday, Jolene and Kenton are finding it difficult settling back into not spending every moment of every day together.
So, Kenton wants to swap with Fallon. She to work at Jaxx, he to work with Jolene at The Bull.
Sounds like a bad idea to me.
Is it ever good for a relationship to be with each other 24/7?
Free entertainment for Ed and Emma
Ed tried to get his leg over.
[Emma] “There’s always later on.”
[Ed] “Yeah. And it costs us nothing!”
It’d also be a superb stress release for them.
Joe left his teeth in the shop
Susan had to disinfect where they’d been.
[Ed] “He’s got so used to taking his teeth out, he says it’s more comfortable”.
Yuk!
George got a karate suit
George came home from Will’s with a new karate suit.
Emma was furious.
George could have done his karate perfectly well in a t-shirt and jogging bottoms. As most other kids do.
What’s worse, what George actually needs is new shoes and jeans.
[Emma] “Why do you think he’s doing this? This is Will isn’t it? Rather than doing the decent thing, coming and talking to me and then maybe putting up George’s money a bit, goodness know he can afford it, no, he does things Will’s way … stuff George doesn't want or need, stuff that costs us money and time and effort, like that flipping guinea pig.”
Will nobody think of the guinea pig?
I think the RSPCA need to be called …
The Archers Thursday 11th October 2012
- It’s audition time
- Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match
- How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?
- A Shakespearian Selection
It’s audition time
For the Christmas show, though Lynda has a longer list of definite no shows than folks who have agreed to turn out.
Tom, Brenda, Roy, Hayley, Kenton and Jolene reckon they won’t be taking part (aye, Lynda will see about that …).
Neville, Nathon, Susan, Tracey and Kirsty are maybes.
Even Ifty, in his keenness to be part of Ambridge (or, to be more exact, Kirsty) is a maybe.
[Lynda] “He adds something to the cast.”
[Robert] “A degree of masculinity.”
Then Lynda made mention that she has Jazzer in mind for Borachio … isn’t Jazzer masculine enough for all?
Anyhoo – Lynda wants Fallon for the romantic lead. Jim’s also popped in (not to volunteer, more to meddle), and he reads Benedick to her Beatrice. It’s not very … romantic … but luckily enough Rhys also pops by. He reads Benedick, and they’re marvellous together.
Ah, here we go again.
Will Fallon get her leading man this year?
But, there’s not enough volunteers to make a play.
[Lynda] “All the regulars are deserting.”
[Robert] “We’re not going to solve anything hanging about in a deserted village hall at night.”
So they head home for a “large one”.
Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match
Kathy’s really putting a lot of thought into whether she should let Jamie leave college to be a tree surgeon. She’s even asking Mike’s advice.
She reckons the only time he shows any enthusiasm is when he has a chainsaw (yikes!) or is working with Mike. Jamie just hates college, and doesn’t get good grades.
[Kathy] “Well I don’t know. Is it true? If he left school now, could he really make a career out of tree surgery?”
[Mike] “He’s definitely got a feeling for trees.”
Mike also reckons Jamie has the perfect makings. He’s interested. Asks the right things. Has enthusiasm and uses his brains (when it comes to trees). Any anyway, Jamie would need qualifications, and could possibly do a degree later on. So he wouldn’t be completely abandoning education.
[Mike] “Not every child is academic Kathy, but it don't mean they can’t get on in life, eh?”
Ah, that’s why Mike’s being so positive. He’s thinking of his child, and though she might not get a 1st from Cambridge, it doesn’t mean she won’t have a cracking life.
Though hopefully his wor4ds will encourage Kathy to let Jamie actually be happy.
How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?
He reads the papers.
Or that’s what he told Lynda …
A Shakespearian Selection
Robert’s really very good at coming up with good ideas.
Lynda’s quite upset that she hasn’t got a sufficient cast for Much Ado … so Robert suggests:
[Robert] “Instead of doing any whole play, what you should do is a Shakespearian selection.”
So, rather than a whole play, folks can do shot speeches, dance, music and the like.
Which will also mean no long rehearsals, with each person doing a turn able to rehearse solo.
Which, in turn, should make it easier for more to volunteer.
[Lynda] “A real Elizabethan Christmas!”
[Robert] “Jugglers, Fire-eaters … “
[Lynda] “Health and safety, Robert.”
[Robert] “They didn’t have to worry about that at The Globe.”
[Lynda] “Didn't it burn down?”
[Robert] “I tell you what, I’ll build you a Globe Theatre.”
[Lynda] “An Elizabethan Christmas … what better way to mark the end of a Jubilee year.”
Indeed.
Shame it’s not a Panto, but.
*sniff*
The Archers Wednesday 10th October 2012
- Matt’s playing it dumb
- Tom has a freezer (but still not a kitchen)
- Phoebe nae mates
- Jamie nae mates
- James is coming home next week
- Tom’s chosen his and Brenda’s home
Matt’s playing it dumb
Matt’s have a casual chat with Lilian about Darrell’s new work at St. Matthews, restoring the Lady Chapel. He’s wondering if it’s a local firm doing the work …
He knows.
She knows.
One would have thought Matt would be slightly nicer to Lilian, considering Paul is back.
Tom has a freezer (but still not a kitchen)
Seems a place which stores frozen food has lost an order, so can store Tom’s ready meals. (How riveting!).
I’m not entirely sure how that helps, considering Tom hasn’t got a kitchen. Which surely means that he can’t cook the meals to then freeze them.
Ach well, he seems happy enough.
Phoebe nae mates
Phoebe had arranged to go to the picture with her friends. Then they called to say they were going to an earlier showing, which meant she couldn’t get there in time.
[Phoebe] “They obliviously didn’t want me.”
But at least she has Josh.
Who seems to be spending a lot of time doing work at her place.
[Josh] “I can’t believe you don’t like strimming!”
Well, Phoebe does. Just not next to the electric fence.
[Phoebe] “It’s weird, it was actually easier to go to South Africa and make new friends than trying to get in with the old ones.”
Phoebe reckons her Ambridge friends have “bonded more” while she was away. Well, young lassies will be young lassies.
Josh was wondering if Phoebe’s friends were being “funny” because of Vicky and Mike’s baby.
[Phoebe] “No. I told everyone straight out that the baby has down’s … I’m not embarrassed about it, Josh.”
Good girl.
Jamie nae mates
Kathy’s worrying about Jamie (again).
He doesn’t like College. He hasn’t got any friends at College, what with Marty being in the year below, and him having split up with Natalie.
What’s she pondering? Will she let Jamie leave to go cut down trees?
James is coming home next week
Balls.
Tom’s chosen his and Brenda’s home
Seems Tom’s plan has always been to build his and Brenda’s own house on Bridge Farm land.
As they’re out walking:
[Brenda] “Your pigs have got the best view on the farm.”
Seems they’re up a hill, where Tom used to make holly dens with Helen and John. Happy memories, and (what Tom hopes) will be a happy future.
[Tom] “I feel so lucky, to make a living out of what I love doing. And having a future at Bridge Farm.”
He then shows Brenda the perfect spot for their house … Brenda sounds scared.
When will Tom notice that Brenda is truly not that keen on taking about their future? He seemed to get it when he spoke to Pat the other day, but also seems to just as quickly forget … and push Brenda into a conversation she doesn’t want.
This doesn’t feel like it’s going to end well for Tom.
The Archers Tuesday 9th October 2012
- Jazzer’s grateful to the Romans
- Jim’s “improving” Jazzer
- Where had Lilian been?
- Borchester Life readers won’t appreciate Horace
- Jazzer’s proving to be Jim’s better half
Jazzer’s grateful to the Romans
He’s still on about how the Romans made concrete (and the like), so we should all be very, very grateful to them.
[Darrell] “And I though they were just a bunch of boys in skirts.”
[Jazzer] “What’s wrang wae that?!?”
(ha! Scotsman wear kilts … though I’m sure you got that one!)
Jim’s “improving” Jazzer
[Jim] “Jazzer’s got the most incredible stamina. He came in last night about 2 … there was a slight altercation with the umbrella stand … in at 2, and he was still up for the milk round at 5. When I asked him, he said it was just a typical Saturday.”
[Shula] “It was Monday.”
[Jim] “Quite!”
[Shula] “But from what I’ve heard, Jazzer’s barely housetrained,. Brenda said when she was staying with them, it was like having a feral cat in the house.”
Ah – but, according to Jim, Jazzer’s just never had any boundaries. No rules, or guidance, to keep him right.
[Jim] “He’s never had the opportunity for any sort of self-improvement.”
And that’s where Jim sees himself as helping Jazzer to be a better Jazzer.
[Alastair] “The noble savage, eh dad?”
Jim wouldn’t take it that far, but he has agreed that Jazzer can stay (indefinitely?).
Alongside all the talk of self-improvement, it seems Jim simply likes having Jazzer around. He enjoys Jazzer’s company.
Where had Lilian been?
Earlier on in the day, Lilian had cornered Darrell to find out exactly what Matt had told him to do to Joyce and Arthur’s.
Darrell’s very upset that Joyce got hurt, and swears beyond blind to Lilian that he thought someone else would take over after he’d left.
(actually, do we believe Darrell believe that? More a case of out of sight, out of mind?)
Lilian releases him of all blame.
Then he mentions Paul, as he talks about his new job. Seems Paul had asked after Lilian …
[Lilian] “If you’re speaking to Paul again, give him m best wishes won’t you. But only if you’re speaking to him again.”
Hmmm.
Later on, Lilian’s late home.
Matt was worried. He’d even rung Jill to check to see when Lilian had left hers.
Lilian must have been seriously late to make Matt even notice.
Where was she, I wonder …
Borchester Life readers won’t appreciate Horace
Jim’s finished his article about Mike for Borchester Life, so asks Alastair to have a read through.
[Alastair] “Your article isn’t their usual style, is it?”
[Jim] “I hardly want to add to the pile of meretricious rubbish they usually publishing.”
Oh dear. That doesn’t sound like an apt attitude.
And it gets worse when Alastair actually reads the article. Jim has quoted Horace in the opening lines.
[Alastair] “I don’t think you should be lapsing into Latin at all.”
Jim does not concur. He wishes to speak to the more intelligent reader of Borchester Life, which Alastair thinks would be a tiny minority. He cites a recent Borchester Life feature: “If you want to get a head, get a hat!”
[Jim] “Cliché, gush and arrant snobbery!”
[Alastair] “If you want a sale, you’ll have to rejig this … Think Sabrina Thwaite.”
Good god!
Will Jim really stoop that low?
Jazzer’s proving to be Jim’s better half
When Jim got back home, Jazzer was asleep in the living room. Jazzer had stayed up to make sure Jim got back okay, but had dropped off.
Jazzer had also done the dishes. Taken the bins out. And reminds Jim to rake the fire and put the guard up before he goes to bed himself.
Seems Jazzer is genuinely grateful to be getting his “heid down in a decent gaff”. And he’s delighted Jim has taught him the wonders of how to reheat a pizza properly.
Ah.
What a lovely couple.
The Archers Monday 8th October 2012
- Even the guinea pig doesn’t want those biscuits
- Fallon’s still depressed
- Lynda’s (forcibly) recruiting
- Jim’s had a late night
- David tries to support Ed
- Britain in Bloom rumbles on
- Ed has chocolate, and remembers the carefree days
Even the guinea pig doesn’t want those biscuits
Things are still very grim and Ed and Emma’s.
There’s not enough bread. Now not enough soup. And only just enough cheese for Ed to have a tiny wee bit.
But he can have some biscuits.
The horrible ones that neither Ed nor George like – even the guinea pig doesn’t want them.
For pity sake – GO BACK TO WORK EMMA!!!!
Fallon’s still depressed
Now that Jolene and Kenton are back, Fallon no longer has the freedom to manage The Bull as she’s wish to.
Though I suspect her depression might have something to do with Rhys being away in Wales.
Lynda’s (forcibly) recruiting
Lynda’s after both Kenton and Fallon to star in her village extravaganza.
[Lynda] “Marvellous, I can kill two birds in one bar.”
[Kenton] “I hope not, we’ve only just the carpet cleaned.”
I think (especially Kenton) will take a heck of a lot of persuading.
He doesn’t sound keen at all.
Jim’s had a late night
He and Jazzer sat up late last night watching their film. And drinking lager.
And doesn’t Jim feel awful today!
He reckons Jazzer and he are “brainwashing” each other.
David tries to support Ed
[David] “I don’t think it’s ever been tougher than this year.”
Though David admits both Phil and Dan would have also said the same about any of their years.
Only difference is the sheer cost of living these days.
Obviously spotting that not all’s well at Ed and Emma’s, David tells Ed he can talk to him anytime he likes.
[David quoting Dan] “And may the weather be kinder to farmers.”
Well, think Ed needs more than a bit of sunshine.
Britain in Bloom rumbles on
It may be over for the rest of us, but Lynda still has Britain in Bloom very much in mind.
She’s giving Kenton a row about not keeping The Bull’s outside as tidy as it could be.
After all, Ambridge is going to get a plaque for placing this year.
Ed has chocolate, and remembers the carefree days
Fallon catches Ed coming out of the village shop, gulping down a chocolate bar.
[Fallon] “And they make out chocolate’s a girl thing!”
Seems Ed is wishing for more carefree times. They get onto how he used to sing in their band. Now he doesn’t even sing in the shower.
[Ed] “I can’t believe we were in a band … young, free, single.”
[Fallon, not exactly revelling in being single] “You can have too much of a good thing.”
[Ed] “You can too little as well …”
Though Ed loves Emma, and being a family, it’s not exactly a barrel of laughs at the moment.
[Ed] “It’s just, it’s tough working it all out, right now, it’s … look, don’t say this to anyone … right now the business isn’t paying its way. I’ve had to cut what I’m I;m paying myself and things are pretty tight … I hate feeling I’m not providing for them. I hate letting them down … if working harder would make any difference, it’s what I’d do … and Will, he just flashes his money all around …”
Oh dear.
Ed really is hitting rock bottom.
The Archers Sunday 7th October
- Eating while reading is not acceptable
- Jazzer spreads his new found knowledge about the Romans
- Is organic too expensive?
- Mike to star in Borchester Life
- Jim’s a nice chap, really
- Jazzer’s gran sent Argyle socks
- Was that fighting, or sex?
Eating while reading is not acceptable
I quite agree with Jim.
Jazzer shouldn’t be reading one of Jim’s books while eating.
[Jim] “I’d prefer it if the pages weren’t covered in greasy finger marks.”
Jazzer’s reasoning is that he’s not a speedy reader, so it’s likely he won’t need to turn the page anyway.
And, if he does need to turn the page, he’d use a “clean knife”.
Ah.
That’s okay then.
Jazzer spreads his new found knowledge about the Romans
Not only is Jazzer ready a book about the Romans, he also seems to be absorbing Jim’s mutterings.
Actually, Jazzer seemed genuinely interested about Jim telling him the Romans had created central heating, concrete and asparagus (well, cropped them, at least).
[Jim] “They were a remarkable people. And all from such modest beginnings in Rome.”
[Jazzer] “There’s hope for Ambridge yet.”
[Jim] “I think we have some way to go …”
When Jazzer finally gets to the pigs, he tells Tom all about the Romans.
Seems pigs chew stones rather than use a toothbrush.
Jazzer tells Tom Romans had toothbrushes. And aqueducts. And that 4 in 10 Romans were slaves.
Tom sounded fascinated …
Is organic too expensive?
Jazzer reckons so.
He thinks Tom should stop labelling his pork products as organic, then price them down, then more folks would buy them.
Tom runs the idea by Brenda.
Brenda reckons it’s daft. And that Pat and Tony would be very upset.
(Well, Jazzer does actually have a point. Didn’t the branding expert tell Bridge Farm to downplay the organic element of their brand? Still mention it, but not make a point of it?)
[Tom] “He did tell me some things quite interesting about the Romans”
[Brenda] “So you thought you’d take on his business ideas?”
[Tom] “I should have realised that even exposure to Jim wasn’t going to turn Jazzer into Warren Buffet overnight.”
But maybe Jazzer is starting to make sense. What a difference a day with Jim makes.
Mike to star in Borchester Life
Jim asks Mike to be his ‘interesting person’ for his Borchester Life article.
Mike agrees.
Though may not have done so if he’d realised Jim had asked Ruth first. Jim sneakily told Mike he’d thought of him first.
Jim’s a nice chap, really
[Jim] “By the way, with regards to your lovely daughter, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing.”
Now while Jim may be a bit of a pompous chap at times, he does say the right things sometimes.
And it was an entirely genuine sentiment to Vicky and Mike. Completely unprompted.
Good chap indeed.
Jazzer’s gran sent Argyle socks
Toasty!
Was that fighting, or sex?
Or sex and fighting?
I think it might have been both.
Anyhoo, it was a film Jazzer was watching when Jim came home.
[Jim] "He has just fought a lion, I do suppose he needs a lie down … she doesn’t seem to be bothered about tending to his wounds either.”
They also spot an old man hiding behind the curtain while the other man and woman have a wee lie down.
[Jim] “If that’s his personal sword, it’s quite the wrong shape.”
Jazzer stops him there. Not because it’s a euphemism. Jim is taking about actual swords.
Jazzer’s had a hard day at work. He wants to relax and watch the film, not to listen to a history lesson.
Jim settles down.
And they order pizza.
Maybe this Odd Couple Part 2 will work after all.
The Archers Friday 5th October
- Seemingly Gobshite isn’t in The Times cryptic crossword
- Matt and Lilian are still arguing
- No-one will play with David
- Plans for Apple Day
- Rhys can’t stay away
- Derek Fletcher has a wig?
- Tom still has no kitchen
Seemingly Gobshite isn’t in The Times cryptic crossword
Jim really isn’t impressed with Jazzer trying to help him and Christine with their crossword.
His rather ridiculous suggestions have simply spoiled their routine.
But Jazzer’s routines certainly haven’t been spoiled by living with Jim.
[Jazzer] “A lot of women would pass out if I gave them a compliment.”
Aye. Still the same ego driven, bordering on sexist, Jazzer McCreary.
And it would seem Jazzer’s charisma has won round Jim.
[Jim] “In some ways I find Jazzer quite … admirable … if you consider, he’s never had the advantages we had … he wishes his father had stayed around.”
Jazzer’s also told him that his mum had numerous boyfriends. And that his brothers encourage him to mischief.
[Jim] “But where it might have crushed most people’s spirit, he’s retained a real spark … he has a genuine thirst to find out how the world works.”
[Christine] “Up to a point …”
Jazzer’s ploy of asking for a book about Greek Mythology seems to have worked wonders on Jim. He’s now under the impressions that Jazzer is an “avid reader.”
Hmmm.
How long before Jazzer truly reveals himself, horrifying Jim in every way possible?
Maybe will take a while.
Jazzer certainly seems to have the measure of Jim
[Jazzer] “You have to steer him off roman poetry and crosswords before you fall asleep .”
Matt and Lilian are still arguing
Which begs the questions why on earth Matt even bothered with the Paris trip.
He was obviously worried about Paul being back in the village, but hasn’t kept up with spoiling Lilian, reminding her why she’s with him.
No-one will play with David
David’s taken a rare night away from the farm to take part in The Bull quiz.
But he’s having trouble joining a team.
Joe, Bert and Bob Pullen don’t want him.
[David] “They are holding out for Derek Fletcher … it would break a lesser man.”
[Tom] “They must be expecting a song from the shows round. He always cleans up on that.”
So David eventually joins Brenda and Tom.
[Brenda] “Oh please, we’re absolutely desperate!”
Well, that’s not quite a compliment.
Plans for Apple Day
They’ll be demonstrating the cider press. Showing photos of the Community Orchard, how it came to be. Bobbing for apples. And an apple and spoon race.
Sounds marvellous!
(I kid you not)
Rhys can’t stay away
It’s his night off, but Rhys is in The Bull. He reckons he wants a pint and some company.
More to do with Fallon that company, plural?
Derek Fletcher has a wig?
Everyone reckons so.
Seems it’s not as discreet as he’d like it to be …
Tom still has no kitchen
The rent’s too high on the unit next to him.
[Tom] “I’ve got a ticking clock on my first order for ready meals, and no idea where I’m going to make them.”
Wish I could feel sorry for Tom.
But I can’t.
I still wish him every bit of bad luck going (the odious little creep!)
The Archers Thursday 4th October 2012
- Haven’t had one of these for a while
- Elizabeth and Roy talk conferences
- Fallon was feeling low
- Mike was feeling chirpy
- Vicky was feeling low
- Bert rhymed Pargetter with Sat on a Spur
- Hayley’s worried about the consultant
- Arthur used to be a bus driver, and had a dodgy girlfriend
Haven’t had one of these for a while
I took a mere 15 lines of notes from today’s eavesdropping episodes.
Slow ….
Elizabeth and Roy talk conferences
Um … how riveting!
Fallon was feeling low
Poor Fallon.
Mike was feeling chirpy
Hurrah for Mike!
Vicky was feeling low
Poor Vicky.
Bert rhymed Pargetter with Sat on a Spur
Which I would have liked to hear.
But we didn’t.
It was only told to use third hand.
Hayley’s worried about the consultant
She’s spotted it could mean cost cutting … less jobs … which is a worry, with both her and Roy working at Lower Loxley.
Arthur used to be a bus driver, and had a dodgy girlfriend
Lilian’s round seeing Arthur. They had a long chat over coffee and cake.
Seems Arthur used to drive buses.
And stepped out with a rather dubious girlfriend called Susan before he met Joyce.
[Arthur] “And like I fool I believe her … two days later it started again,. She even smiled at me when I caught her dipping into me wallet … and still I didn’t finish with her, she was like a drug …It’s all ancient history. It won’t mean nothing to you, hearing about something like that.”
Ah – but Lilian had been listening to every word.
Sounded very familiar indeed.
The Archers Wednesday 3rd October 2012
- A baby blanket made of lama wool
- Vicky cries for her daughter
- Jazzer moves in with Jim
- Comparing Ifty to Tom
- Alice could get a job
- Fallon’s feeling lonely
A baby blanket made of lama wool
Is what Lynda’s making for Vicky.
[Lynda] “There’s quite an art to spinning and knitting with Lama wool … as the yarn twists, my own tension seems to unwind.”
But, as Lynda then moves on to explaining casting (in great detail), Vicky starts to cry.
But it’s not that she now has to pretend to like a lama blanket (actually, I would quite like one of those) … it’s far more serious than that.
Vicky cries for her daughter
While at work today, Vicky was shown pictures of her work mate’s daughter.
The daughter is one of those who have done very worthy things, all around the world. Volunteered to help children abroad, and all that.
[Vicky] “My little girl’s never going to do that, is she any of it. Travelling on her own. Seeing the world.”
[Lynda] “Oh Vicky, she might travel. And even if she doesn’t think of the things she will do. She might be an actress, or love painting ....”
[Vicky] “No matter how much I care for her and love her, she’ll never be able to fly the nest like that.”
[Lynda] “No, not quite, but she can become very independent.”
[Vicky] “She’s not even born yet and so many doors are slamming shut.”
[Lynda] “But Vicky, she’s very lucky to have a mother like you, who will do her damndest to push a lot of them open again.”
[Vicky] “I can’t change how my little girl is …”
Well, Vicky will have been thinking it. So probably best she’s able to talk it through with a friend.
We left her and Lynda sobbing …
Jazzer moves in with Jim
Christine’s first night with Jazzer was not a happy one.
(for ‘with’ don’t read anything into it … ‘with’ as in in the same house with, rather than ‘with’ with …)
Seems Christine is a light sleeper, and was woken by Jazzer as he left early hours for work.
[Jazzer] “I’m sorry about that. It’s poor thanks for a favour.”
So, Jim steps in.
Jazzer doesn’t seem like he’s bothered about where he stays. I’ve still no idea why he can’t stay with his mum …
[Jazzer] “I get my ain key?”
[Jim] “Unless you intent to teleport yourself in …”
Jim’s rules are that there’s no smoking, even in the garden. No guests. And no loud music.
[Jim] “As long as we treat each other with respect and due consideration at all times, I’m sure we’ll get on well.”
Jazzer’s out to impress from the off.
Before he retires for the night, he asks to borrow a book on Greek Myths.
What a sook!
Comparing Ifty to Tom
Kirsty seems to becoming “an item” with Ifty.
She’s enjoying being with him. It’s seemingly easy.
In fact, the last time she connected this way with a bloke was Tom …
… really?
Tom, easy to be with?
Alice could get a job
If she gets her degree.
But at least she has the job offer on the table. A development engineer with an aircraft equipment supplier.
Sounds well paid.
Fallon’s feeling lonely
[Kirsty] “Where’s the party girl gone, Fallon?”
[Fallon] “I dunno, the whole world just seems to go round in pairs … these day I’d much rather be in a relationship that means something, then just settle for a quick thrill. At the moment, the only way that’s going to happen is if I buy myself a cat.”
All together now … Rhys!!!
The Archers Tuesday 2nd October 2012
- Jim helps distract Bella
- Shula’s still looking after Reg and Bunty
- Jim wants to prove Christine wrong
- Jazzer emotionally blackmails Christine …
- I agree with Tom
- Tom Archer’s wants to expand
Jim helps distract Bella
Alistair is tending to one a horse, using Jim to distract her while he works.
Jim’s distraction technique is to look at her …
… interesting.
Anyhoo, it seemed to work. Though it seems Jim is not a natural when it comes to horses.
[Jim] “I hope you enjoyed my discomfort.”
Shula’s still looking after Reg and Bunty
She was away shopping for them today.
That must still be a real strain.
Jim wants to prove Christine wrong
Christine’s plan of challenging Jim into writing articles for Borchester Life seems to have worked.
(why did Christine feel the need to get involved? I’m not sure. She either wants to help Jim find something to occupy himself so that he feels more fulfilled – or she wants Jim to find something to occupy himself so that he isn’t always round hers, eating the biscuits).
So, Jim is now determined to:
[Jim] “Show Christine I'm not the desiccated academic she sometimes takes me for.”
He’s talking to Alistair about how he’ll need to select an “interesting” Ambridge person to write about.
[Jim] “And then I thought of you … I hoped you might suggest someone.”
(meow!)
Jim would like to interview a craftsman or an artists (rather than a vet, obviously). He wondered whether Maurice Horton would be the chap – him being a master butcher, and all that.
[Alastair] “No, he’s a lovely chap, but people read Borchester Life for a light read, not existential angst.”
Jim then wonders about Mike.
He has the micro dairy. And manages the woods.
But, as we all know, Mike has quite a lot to contend with at the moment.
[Jim] “Is it really the right time to ask him?”
[Alastair] “I’d be glad to talk about something else for once, instead of having to focus on becoming a father again the whole time.”
Jazzer emotionally blackmails Christine …
Well, not quite outright, but not very subtly neither.
He passes by Christine’s, and just so happens to mention that he’s off to a homeless shelter.
Seems Matt has thrown him out.
Christine is horrified.
[Jazzer] “Don’t fash yourself, it’s only for a day or two.”
Jazzer wants to leave a bag at hers, and also begs a cup of tea.
Over tea, and some of Christine’s marvellous home baked biscuits, Christine wonders why Jazzer hasn’t gone to a friend’s house.
[Jazzer] “I can’t just land myself on a friend's doorstep and hope they’ve got a decent heart, can?”
Erm, I suppose not.
(But what about his mum’s? She doesn’t live that far away, and was fine enough for Jazzer before he moved in with Harry. Everyone seems to have forgotten that …)
So, Jazzer turns the charm, and begs a three night stay at Christine’s. He reckons she won’t even know she’s there, what with him being up so early, and out at work. Jazzer paints himself as the person house guest.
[Jazzer] “Apart from my wee obsession … tidying up after maeself!!”
(ha!)
Christine being Christine, her charity and hospitality is too strong to say no to him.
So, Jazzer settles in at Christine’s … biscuits, then pork and tatties.
Cheeky monkey.
Though Christine regrets marking Jazzer comfortable almost as soon as he settles.
[Christine] “I know. I keep asking myself how it happened.”
[Jim] “Hypnosis.”
[Christine] “But he's driving me crackers already. He’s virtually emptied the fridge.”
AND he finished the biscuits.
Though not to worry. Jim reckons he has a plan …
I agree with Tom
Talking about the Christmas show, Tom reckons he’d have been happy with a “proper panto.”
I do hate to agree with him … but hear, hear!
Tom Archer’s wants to expand
Again.
Ignoring that Brenda ran screaming (on the excuse of getting printer ink) from the Dower house because of Matt and Lilian’s rows, Tom’s rambling on yet again about business.
He still needs a kitchen to fulfil his ready meal orders. The unit next to where he does his sausages (and the like) has come up, which he reckons would be perfect.
But, he can’t afford the unit until he makes money from the ready meals. And he can’t make the ready meals without the unit.
[Brenda] “Your first priority is flexibility.”
Well, not Tom’s strong point. Though Brenda has a good point that he shouldn’t tie himself down with too much cost. Tom reckons he needs to push on, Brenda’s worried he’ll go bust.
[Tom] “I’ll be in total control! … it'd put the Tom Archer brand in a great place to expand.”
Odds on Tom ignoring Brenda’s very sensible advice.
Why is he so surprised that she’s not that keen to marry him?
The Archers Monday 1st October 2012
- Lilian wants Matt back in bed
- There’s nowt wrong with fish paste!
- Joyce has a hairline fracture
- Guinea pig!
Lilian wants Matt back in bed
Seems Paris is still with them after all …
There’s nowt wrong with fish paste!
There’s a lack of bread supply at Ed and Emma’s again. So Ed had to do without at breakfast.
But, Emma has brought sandwiches down while he milks.
Which Ed is grateful for.
Until he realises they’re fish paste. Which starts him moaning again
[Emma] “You know there’s hardly any housekeeping money left, so why do you have to be so difficult!”
Quite right too Emma.
She’s only managing with what they have, and what on earth is wrong with fish paste!
(can’t believe I’m taking Emma’s side for once!)
Joyce has a hairline fracture
Seems Joyce fell on Friday, and Arthur had been trying to get hold of Lilian all week.
He was mainly concerned to tell her that their rent would be late – he didn’t want to give Matt an excuse to kick them out.
After Lilian has been round to see Arthur, and the state of their home, she’s beyond furious with Matt.
She blames Matt for leaving them without proper flooring. Matt blames Lilian for making him take Darrell off the job. Lilian blames Matt for taking him off – after all, she had no idea what state he’d left Joyce and Arthur’s house in.
So, Lilian is completely taking over Joyce and Arthur’s/
[Matt] “Oh don’t be so stupid!”
[Lilian] “Don’t you dare say that. There is woman in hospital because you’ve bee so damn careless!”
Oops.
I think Paris is now a forgotten memory.
Guinea pig!
Will turned up at Ed and Emma’s with a cage.
He’s bought George a guinea pig.
Emma’s horrified.
[Ed] “She’ll be alright Em, it’s not exactly Godzilla”
Emma’s worried about the additional cost.
[Ed] “It’s one more reason for George to like being there instead of there.”
And staying on a positive note:
[Ed] “Reckon it’ll taste a lot better than fish paste!”
I think Emma might be slightly more annoyed about Will not talking to them first.
And as a great fan of guinea pigs, I do worry it’ll be looked after properly (though I suppose Ed and Emma can get veg and grass easily enough)
