The Archers Friday 5th August 2011: Clarrie Resigns

• Washing Lampshades is never a good sign
• Lilian would have been more canny
• I really dislike James calling Lilian “Ma”
• Clarrie takes the bullet
• Lilian tells Matt
• Start a whip round for the Grundys?

Washing Lampshades is never a good sign

Which is what Clarrie is doing.

You know when you get to ‘those’ type of jobs, you’re actually heading for a meltdown.

Eddie is trying to do his best to keep Clarrie positive about those sick on hospital:

[Eddie] “I know it’s tough love, but you’ll see, they’ll be fine”

But he does tend to just offer the ‘chin up’ variety of support. Which, for something like this, doesn’t really cut it.

(sorry Eddie)


Lilian would have been more canny

Lilian was telling Pat that she was surprised Pat had done the Radio Borchester interview.

[Lilian] “You never know what they’re going to cut out”

Lilian also, very helpfully, told Pat that she came across a bit cold.

So – Pat should have gone to Lilian for her PR advice.

Actually, it would’ve been more use than the NFU advice.

And where is Brenda while all this has been going on?

At least Pat has Kathy to give her something positive. Kathy thought Pat did “really well”

[Pat] “I hardly sounded sympathetic, did I?”

[Kathy] “It was fine. You sounded very professional”

‘Fine’ is never a good review.

Looks like Eddie isn’t the only one not doing very well to support the walking wounded.


I really dislike James calling Lilian “Ma”

Actually, I just really dislike James.

He’s such a pretentious little toad. And normally the sort of chap Lilian would sniff out as such within seconds.

But there’s no accounting for a mother’s blind adoration.

James has returned – with Leonie.

*sigh*

I’d forgotten how irritatingly awful those two are together – they were bad enough singular!


Clarrie takes the bullet

After hearing the Radio Borchester interview, especially that Pat never mentioned how E. coli got into the diary in the first place, Clarrie goes round to see Pat.

[Clarrie] “It hasn’t been out of my mind for a second. I’ll never forgive myself for having let you down … you’ve been ever so good to me, even after all this. You could have just fired me, I deserved it … I know I’ll never be able to put right what I’ve done … I know I’ve got to resign. It’s the best for all of us”

[Pat] “I’ll accept your resignation, if I’m honest there’s not going to be much work in the diary anyway … if we can find our way out of this mess … I hope I’ll be able to offer you work here again”

So that’s that then.

I don’t suppose Pat could have said anything else – she has less work in the diary and Clarrie leaving does mean they can 100% say that the cause of the E. coli is no more.

But does this mean everyone will now know it’s all Clarrie’s fault?


Lilian tells Matt

Where to find the lime. Though he fails:

[Matt] “Lilian, I can’t find this ruddy lime”

So, he offers lemon instead.

Actually – Lilian does tell Matt what’s what over something a bit more important:

[Lilian] “I think they’re going to make an announcement … for goodness sake Matt , what do you think. You wondered why james was so friendly on the phone with you … there are some moments in this life that are more important than business … I’m putting my foot down”

James and Leonie have dropped heavy hints that both Matt and Lilian MUST be at the Garden Party, and with the mention of an announcement, course Lilian must think they’re about to get engaged.

Not that Matt will give a monkey about that. he’d still rather be at the barbeque doing business…


Start a whip round for the Grundys?

Eddie arrived home to not tea on the go (cheeky monkey for mentioning it) – but it does mean something odd.

Clarrie’s not doing anything. She’s just sitting.

She tells Eddie that she’s resigned.

[Clarrie] “I didn’t want to, goodness knows, but I’ve ruined everything”

She’s sorry she didn’t discuss and agree it with Eddie first, and that it’s going to mean very tight times for the Grundy household. They haven’t even paid last month’s electricity bill.

[Eddie] “Well, we’re just going to have to manage, ain’t we.

“Look, we’ve been through tough times before. We’ll get through this. We’ll just have to work that little bit harder. Nothing new. Don’t you worry, we’ll survive somehow”

I wonder if Tom will lose any sleep …

The Archers Thursday 4th August 2011: Radio doesn’t play fair with Pat

• Cheeky Facebook profile
• Bridge Farm loses more customers
• kd lang and Erasure
• Wheat to the rescue!
• Lynda’s affected
• Chris can start believing
• They didn’t mention Henry!

Cheeky Facebook profile

Harry’s profile picture is seemingly a picture of feet sticking out from a duvet.

And they are not his, nor Jazzer’s …


Bridge Farm loses more customers

Martin from the Deli has “searched his soul and can no longer stock”.

Even our lovely Ian has had to go to another supplier – though he says he’ll go back to Bridge Farm as soon as he can (when the publicity dies down, one would have thought).

So, as they have fewer customers – they will have to produce less – so will have to cut hours in the dairy.

That could come in as a useful excuse …


kd lang and Erasure

Is what Radio Borchester was playing before Pat’s interview was aired.

How very gay eighties.

(though I do love a bit of Erasure. They’ve matured very nicely – saw them recently at Thetford Forest)


Wheat to the rescue!

Tony reckons it could be their wheat would could save their bacon.

He didn’t mention Tom's sausages.

(geddit?!?)


Lynda’s affected

And calls Pat to tell her so, just as the Radio interview is about to be aired.

Bless Lynda.

One can never be sure if she’s being genuine, or just wants to be party to the drama.

But this time – she’s genuine.

She makes a point of telling Pat that she wants Bridge Farm cream for her party in Sunday. And Lynda will let everyone know that’s where the cream came from.

Good on ya.

Though it may mean many untouched strawberries …


Chris can start believing

Ronnie said yes to Plan B.

So that means Chris needs less money upfront, as he’ll just be buying the core business and renting the premises rather than having to buy it all.

Alice will be pleased.

Will Jennifer be as chuffed? Or will she just see this as another missed opportunity for Chris and Alice to break-up?


They didn’t mention Henry!

Pat is aghast!

Funnily enough – Radio Borchester edited Pat’s interview, leaving out the bits she said about having a grandchild, and how dreadful they all feel for the kiddies in hospital.

Worse still – they included an interview with the mother of one of the kids in hospital.

[Pat – very, very annoyed] “For god sake, I lost a child myself and for a while I thought we might lose Helen as well … people will think we don’t care … banging on about how excited we are to be open again, and meanwhile there’/s that frantic mother, and all I could offer was a mealy mouthed apology.

“This was meant to be a new positive start … instead when they hear Bridge Farm all they’ll think is E. coli and those poor children”

So will Bride Farm may be able to start production again – it looks like they’re far from being able to convince anyone that they’d want to buy from them.

Oh dear.

The Archers Wednesday 3rd August 2011: Rhys’ flat warming party

• Trifle and paddling
• Who is the mystery fisherman?
• Fallon has lemon juice in her eye
• “We’re not going to warm my flat, we’re going to burn it down!”
• Harry only has eyes for Zofia
• Nic finds it easy to talk to Alice
• Ambridge jungle drums
• Jazzer realises Fallon likes Harry

Trifle and paddling

Will, Nic and the kids have a perfect day out next to the river.

[Will] “Well, it don’t get much more perfect than this. I could stay here forever”

But then – big scream from Mia.

Oh No!

What could the matter be?

Oh.

Really?

Just a crayfish (one assumes Mia saw in the river).

Which George wants to play with.


Who is the mystery fisherman?

The crayfish who did so terribly scare Mia is not of the native sort – so really shouldn’t be released back. Our native crayfish chaps are being decimated by large, American interlopers.

And of course, Will get to thinking that this could be the source of Kenton’s new found supply of crayfish for The Bull (you think???).

Will reckons that the trap Mia found the crayfish in was an amateur one, so whoever is ‘fishing’ them is doing so without a licence.

He’s all ready to blow the whistle (especially as it’s on Brian’s land), but Nic begs him not to. After all, she has to work at The Bull.

Ah, tis a fishy tale that’s being woven …


Fallon has lemon juice in her eye

And that’s even the drinking games at Rhys’ start.

In fact, she’s still at work in The Bull. And she doesn’t want to do the drinking games later on anyway.

[Rhys] “Oh don’t be such a girl”

Eh?

Isn’t that exactly what Fallon is?


“We’re not going to warm my flat, we’re going to burn it down!”

Party on, dude.

(ahem)


Harry only has eyes for Zofia

And keeps nipping away from Rhys and Jazzer, while they’re trying to playa drinking game at Rhys’ party, to hasten to Zofia's side. When he isn’t with Zofia, he becomes a bit distracted:

[Jazzer] “Jings, I reckon Zofia has made you deaf as well as stupid”

(Jings? I haven’t heard that uttered since Oor Wullie or The Broons)

[Jazzer] “I preferred it when it was just Harry and his pictures of men in lycra”

[Rhys] “You serious? A bit bi-curious, is he?”

Fallon clarifies that it’s a Tour de France [poster, but Jazzer reckons “case closed”.

[Rhys] “He seems pretty keen on women to me. Maybe he’ll let her play with his bicycle pump …”

Nic finds it easy to talk to Alice

Which she’s surprised about.

[Nic] “Always been a bit intimidated by those pony club girls”

Ambridge jungle drums

Nathan Booth told Fallon, who has now told Will, that bridge Farm’s dairy is open again.

So Will will now tell Eddie, who till tell Clarrie, who’ll be really upset to have not been told by Pat.

Jazzer realises Fallon likes Harry

The only took him 8 months to catch on!

Fallon’s moping that Harry is with Zofia. And also moping in general about her love life … well, lack of it.

[Fallon] “We’re cupid’s cast offs Jazzer … I’m sleeping on my own tonight. As usual”

Surprisingly, Jazzer doesn’t try it on.

He instead opts for Rhys’ sofa. Which is seemingly better than having to hear Harry and Zofia at it.

The Archers Tuesday 2nd August 2011: Matt’s got another excuse to avoid the Snells’ party

• Josh or Pip?
• Business for Matt’s birthday
• Matt’s also pondering Paulhill
• Fond memories and hopeful future at Brookfield
• Pat’s on the radio

Josh or Pip?

Astonishment at Brookfield as Josh is out of bed at a decent hour (during his holidays) AND he wants to helping with the milking.

In fact, he wants to do the milking everyday while he’s on holiday.

Of course, that’s somewhat about an increase in his pocket money – but also:

[Josh] “I’ve got a lot to learn if I’m going to be like you (David), Mum and granddad”

Josh is even worrying about what would happen if they ever had to get rid of the cows (unprofitable milk yields, and so on).

So now David has something new to worry about.

Pip wants to be on the farm. And would seem Josh also wants to be on the farm. That would mean Brookfield having to support a potential of three families.

[David] “I was hoping Josh would become a premiership footballer and keep us all in the lap of luxury”

Nae luck!


Business for Matt’s birthday

Classic Pusscat and Tiger moment:

[Matt] “you were dead to the world”

[Lilian] “Slumbering peacefully, I think you’ll find”

But back to business – which is what Matt wants to do on his birthday, rather than go to the Snells’ party.

Seems some bloke called Ken Dickinson (who happens to use golden tees during golf) is having a barbeque on Sunday. He’s a major developer, has invited Matt and Lilian – so Matt’s only too glad to insist they go to his shindig instead of Lynda’s.

[Matt] “Finally, I’ve been buttering him up for months”

[Lilian] “Do you really want to spend your birthday doing business?”

[Matt] “More so than having me brain numbed by Lynda”

Lilian really does want to go to the Snells – James (and Leonie) will be there.

[Matt] “He might be disappointed you can’t go, but it’s the first time he’s wanted to come within spitting distance of me”

But sounds like Lilian will give up James and the Snells for Matt’s business networking.

Well, it is his birthday …


Matt’s also pondering Paulhill

The plot does thicken.

Matt’s remembered that Darrell (the bloke who also wants to buy the Farrier business) is the brother of one of the contractors he and Lilian know. After a wee bit of digging, he finds out that Darrell is going through a messy divorce, and is having to sell his house.

[Lilian] “Well done Tiger, that’s very interesting news”

Indeed.

Can we assume Darrell also isn’t in a financial position to outbid Chris?


Fond memories and hopeful future at Brookfield

Ruth’s telling Josh about how his granddad (Phil) brought the black and whites to Brookfield, replacing the shorthorns that Josh’s great-grandfather (Dan) had.

Ruth also remembers her view from Nightingale Farm, when she first moved to Ambridge:

[Ruth] “I never imagined that view would become my life”

[Josh] “You really love the cows, don’t you mum?”

[Ruth] “Yeah, of course. I’ve put a lot of hard work into them … I suppose it’s those moments when you stand back and see a strong, healthy herd producing value food, it reminds you why you do it, you know”

Pat’s on the radio

Pat’s having her interview with Wayne Folley at Radio Borchester.

She finally gets her chance to say her heartfelt piece about the kiddies:

[Pat] “Genuinely, it’s been the worst aspect of all this. We’re a small family run business, my daughter has recently had a baby, it really does break all our hearts to imagine how worried those parents must be”

When she gets back from the interview (which wasn’t live – so it’s still to air), Pat finds out that they’ve definitely lost Underwoods as an account. It’s their biggest customer, so not good news.

Especially now that they’re able to start production again.

Will there be anyone to produce for?

The Archers Monday 1st August 2011: Bridge Farm’s back in business … sort-of

• Adrian and Sally are back
• Get Ed to talk to Radio Borchester
• Lilian appalled at Alice’s career path
• The Tom Archer brand must be protected
• Helen’s on Tom’s side
• Ronnie wants a barge
• Darrell Paulhill – who he?

Adrian and Sally are back

Them from Environmental health (where did Ken MacLeod go to? Does it take three to shut them down, only 2 to re-open?).

They take their time to do their checks of the freshly steamed Bridge Farm – to the point where Tony could do nowt but tend to his cabbages.

But no need to worry – Bridge Farm has been given the all clear.

[Pat] “The E. coli has been dealt with and we’re open for business”

Which is great news.

Doesn’t mean to say that everything’s back to normal, though.

With less orders coming in, Helen even suggests that they give up on making ice-cream in the short term.

Blimey.


Get Ed to talk to Radio Borchester

Radio Borchester call to ask Pat to be interviewed by Wayne Folley tomorrow.

I’m not sure if Wayne Folley is meant to be one of those Jeremy Vine (or even Jeremy Kyle) types, but Pat should ask Ed to do the interview.

Remember when he played a blinder when he was interviewed about TB in cows, a few years back?

I did help that the interviewer was a lady who seemed to be quite attracted to Ed …


Lilian appalled at Alice’s career path

Lilian bumps into Alice at Grey Gables. She assumes that Alice is also there for a bit of pampering – so is shocked when Alice tells her that she’s trying to find Caroline to ask for a job.

Lilian sounded quite disgusted at the idea of Alice being a Chamber Maid (even though she’s done it before):

[Lilian] “But changing people’s sheets …”

[Alice] “Oh it’s fine Aunty Lilian, don’t be such a snob”

[Lilian] “Me?”

Aye, you!

Needs must, Lilian.


The Tom Archer brand must be protected

Honestly, I never know why I’m ever surprised at Tom being a selfish, overbearing, arrogant bad man.

He’s yet again harassing Pat and Tony about sacking Clarrie.

But this time he openly admits that his precious ‘Tom Archer’ brand is at stake.

Fair enough – but he surely could have kept quiet about being worried about his wee sausages, when it’s actually decades of his parent’s work which is most at risk?

What a prat.


Helen’s on Tom’s side

That’s more like it.

Helen being quite clinical, practical and controlling.

Phew! I thought we’d totally lost her to Henry!

Helen agrees that they should sack Clarrie.

[Helen] “It would be a really strong statement that we’ve dealt with it”

[Tony] “I don’t care, I’m not turning Clarrie into a scapegoat .. it’s not the way I want to ruin this farm … Clarrie came back in good faith”

Ronnie wants a barge

Ronnie didn’t say no to Chris’ Plan B (of buying his core business, but only leasing the premises for the first while).

He listened. But, he was planning on buying a barge. So likely does want all the money upfront.

So he’s away to ponder it.



Darrell Paulhill – who he?

He’s the chap that’s also interested in buying Ronnie’s Farrier business.

Alice mentioned him to Lilian – and his name rings a bell for her.

Will Lilian be able to pull a fast one for Chris and Alice? If only to spot Alice having to change other people’s sheets …

The Archers Sunday 31st July 2011: Cushions, pans and crayfish

• What’s up with Joe?
• On no, not the Westbury Courier as well
• Will, don’t say that out loud!
• Clarrie drops a clanger
• Christine and Jim?
• Ambridge won the cricket again
• Goodbye Billy Goats Gruff
• Kenton’s crayfish annoy Will
• Clarrie Hara-kiri?

What’s up with Joe?

He hasn’t spoken in a while.

I’m a bit worried about him. He had his nasty cough, then hasn't been heard of much since.

Very reminiscent of Sid before he went off to New Zealand …

Anyway, probably just me making too wild a guess. Joe can’t be ill if the kids are allowed to put cushions on his head while he’s having 40 winks.


On no, not the Westbury Courier as well

Seems the Westbury Courier has also ran a big piece about Bridge Farm, E. coli, the sick kiddies etc etc etc

As Jim later says – today’s news is tomorrow’s chip papers – or just something to put your muddy shoes on.

But it’s not as simple as that in our modern days of TVs, radios and the internet. And not when there’s a kid that still might die.



Will, don’t say that out loud!

[Will] “If only she’d waited another day before going back into work …”

We all think it, but not helpful to actually voice it.

Clarrie drops a clanger

Quite literally. Though it was only a bunch of pans.

[Eddie] “She’s very upset … We all got to do our best to look after her”

(maybe Eddie could start with cooking her Sunday lunch for once)

Eddie wants Clarrie to come with the kids to Lower Loxley’s Garden Festival

[Eddie] “Or you could spend the afternoon reorganising the cupboards”

Surprisingly for Clarrie, she chooses a day out over the cupboards.


Christine and Jim?

Just good friends having a day out at the Garden Festival? Or romance?


Ambridge won the cricket again

With Christopher getting a half century.


Goodbye Billy Goats Gruff

Cheery-bye then. Slightly (yet another) damp squib, but at least it made George happy.

Kenton’s crayfish annoy Will

Kenton has sourced crayfish for The Bull’s menu from somewhere local, but he won’t tell Will where.

That can only mean it’s something to do with Brian’s land, surely?


Clarrie Hara-kiri?

Clarrie had a bit of a rough time at the Garden festival. Everyone was talking about Bridge Farm, without realising that the E. coli started with her.

She now thinks she should resign. She can’t stand that it’s all her fault, and can’t see how she could continue.

Eddie reckons she shouldn’t. he thinks that if that was what Pat and Tony wanted, that they would have sacked her by now.

Tough one indeed. If I was Clarrie, I would also want to resign. But the Grundy’s are hardly flush enough to cope with one less wage coming in. Joe would have to go back down the mines …

The Archers Friday 29th July 2011: Tom still wants Clarrie sacked

• When ‘Even bad publicity is good publicity’ isn’t true
• Wonder why Will hasn’t got a problem with Nic’s kids’ dad?
• “what’s to be cheerful about?”
• Matt shall go to the party
• Helen has a social life!
• Brenda and Tom tag team against Tony and Pat

When ‘Even bad publicity is good publicity’ isn’t true

Especially when your business has been linked to making kids sick …

(though I still don’t know why it’s not as important that the adults survive)

[Tom] “yet they’re convinced we’re still poisoning people”

Seems tourists in The Bull have also been checking with Nic about whether the ice-cream isn’t from ‘that’ E. coli farm.

So Tom’s back on about naming and shaming Clarrie – to “go public on how it happened”.

Brenda at first seemed to be urging caution:

[Brenda] “You will have to put up with the hostility if you name and shame Clarrie”

But after Tom rants on a bit more, calling Clarrie a “careless individual”, amongst other things:

[Tom] “We can’t afford to be sentimental”

Brenda completely sides with him:

[Brenda] “You can’t sacrifice Bridge’s Farm’s good name just to avoid hurting Clarrie’s feelings”

Well, that’ll be that then. Brenda is a highly experienced marketing professional. Surely Pat and Tony will listen to her reasoned, professional opinion?

Hmmm. Hasn’t Brenda mainly focused on flyers, handing out energy drinks and making coffee for Lilian and Matt since she graduated?


Wonder why Will hasn’t got a problem with Nic’s kids’ dad?

Just a ponder of mine.

I reckon Will uses all of his angry-Will-ness on Ed.


“what’s to be cheerful about?”

Seems Clarrie is still as depressed as when they ‘lost’ the farm – which is fair enough.

[Clarrie] “What’s to be cheerful about?”

Eddie’s doing his best to try and lighten her mood. Especially since she now has the all clear from being an E. coli carrier.

He encourages Clarrie to call Pat to tell her the good news – which she does do.

Bad timing, though. Pat’s right in the middle of arguing with Tom about his depends to name Clarrie. All Pat can say is that she will “be in touch very soon”.

Ouch.


Matt shall go to the party

Seems Lilian has managed to persuade Matt to go to Lynda’s garden party. Even though it’s the same day as his birthday.

The Snells. James and Leonie. The great and the good of Ambridge.

That’ll make Matt a very happy birthday boy.


Helen has a social life!

She’s off out to a mother and baby group.

Henry really is the making of Helen. Gone are the days of wine, DVDs and chocolate.

(I know I go on about that a lot – but it really was all Helen seemed to do over the last few years. Apart from Leon …)


Brenda and Tom tag team against Tony and Pat

[Brenda] “People don’t act rationally in these circumstances”

Brenda and Tom reckon that the picture of the little ill girl massively buried the Bridge Farm statement in the Echo. So it’s time to step up and reveal Clarrie as the culprit.

[Tony] “If we hang Clarrie out to dry, wouldn’t we lose the goodwill of the whole village?”

[Tom] “What’s more important? That we’re popular with the neighbours or that our farm has a future?”

Must admit Brenda and Tom do have a good point, but it’s Clarrie we’re talking about. And she didn’t mean it. And she’s doing a great job of punishing herself without anyone else’s help.

I reckon if she named, we could see the Grundy’s moving on from Ambridge …

The Archers Thursday 28th July 2011: Bridge Farm – the Child Killer?

• Milly Robson
• Sabrina tells Jim Lloyd to shut up
• Mr Foxy better scarper
• The bank manager says no
• Nic’s home
• What time is it in Las Vegas?

Milly Robson

Is nine, and is in intensive care after eating Bridge Farm ice-cream.

Pat’s obviously fretting over the folks that are still in hospital – she’s worried about her business, but she also would rather no-one died.

To add to her woe, she’s very aware that she could be sued.

[Pat] “I never imagined anyone might sue me because I hurt their child”

Helen’s not much help.

Pat asked her whether she would sue if something like this happened to her Henry – she said yes.

Which was the truth, but I think she could have lied. Just this once.

Course, Pat’s right that if they do get sued – it’ll mean court – and it’ll mean this won’t go away for years.

Oh Clarrie. If only …


Sabrina tells Jim Lloyd to shut up

Bridge Farm has been named (and shamed) in the Borchester Echo as the source of the E. coli outbreak.


They used the rather bland statement Tony had written – but also focused on the kids (and slight mentions of the adults) in the article.

Seems this prompted Jim to talk about how bacteria develops even more lethal forms. But he met with strong opposition for being rather unsupportive of Pat, Tony and co.

[Helen] “Sabrina told him to shut up in the end .. .told him he wasn’t helping”

On yersel Sabrina!


Mr Foxy better scarper

As Will’s going up after him with a shotgun.

Which is fair enough. Mr Foxy did get half a dozen of Will’s birds (without even asking!).


The bank manager says no

Chris was still not very confident about his meeting with his bank manager. He’s not sure whether he’ll be seen as “ambitious” or “merely out to lunch”.

Chris was right to be nervous.

His bank manager did say no.

Although he thought Chris has a very sound business idea, and wanted to support him, the bank couldn’t stretch to £200,000.

But the bank then gave Chris a plan B.

That Chris buys the core business from Ronnie (the client list, and such), but he only rents the premises, with an option to buy later.

So it’s now down to whether Ronnie will agree to that.

(and I must get the name of Chris’ Bank Manager. Stunning that he gave Chris an option – my Bank manager tends to say ‘no’ until he eventually relents after a few weeks of cajoling and shouting …).


Nic’s home

Nic is loving that her kid are turning into country kids:

[Nic] “And I never want to live anywhere else”

Which, as Will points out, is a complete change of heart from when Nic first moved to Ambridge.

Ah – welcome home indeed, Nic.


What time is it in Las Vegas?

Alice and Chris are waiting to start the celebrations of their first year anniversary when it hits the right time in Las Vegas.

They have something to celebrate with the bank’s agreement to a Plan B – so when the right time comes, they start a very private celebration …

The Archers Wednesday 27th July 2011: Chris needs £200,000

• The Chelsea Chop
• Bets on for Robert Snell booking Rage Against the Machine?
• Shame about Oscar, Happy about Coriander
• Matt plays a birthday card
• No hoo-ha at Alice’s graduation?
• 85p for a can of tomatoes … outrageous!
• No-one compares to Helen
• “Crazy Punt” Chris?
• Elizabeth misses Roy
• Alice isn’t buying Bridge Farm ice-cream
• The crack barn?

The Chelsea Chop

Lynda’s still on about Gardeners Question Time.

She took their advice to keep her flowers working longer and harder – seems if you cut back late flowering perennials, it’s called the Chelsea Chop.


Bets on for Robert Snell booking Rage Against the Machine?

Lynda’s trying to guess what type of music Robert’s organised for their garden party on Sunday.

He’s keeping it a surprise, so Lynda has no idea whether it’ll be a string quartet or a brass band.

Wonder if Robert will take the surprise even further?
 


Shame about Oscar, Happy about Coriander Bamford

Seems Jason has work on in the Netherlands, so he, Oscar and Coriander can’t make it to the party on Sunday.

Can’t say I’ll miss Coriander. I know she’s supposed to be ‘nicer’ than Leonie, but she still often doesn’t make for pleasant listening. Especially when she gets snippy about Lynda’s adoration of Oscar.


Matt plays a birthday card

Seems Matt also won’t be at the Snells’ party – it’s the same day as his birthday.

Lilian is still going, as (the very odious) James and Leonie will be in attendance.

Quite right too, Matt. Feet up. Large glass of whisky. Radio 4. Marvellous.


No hoo-ha at Alice’s graduation?

Is it just me, or is the damp squib count increasing in Ambridge?

Alice had to go back to Southampton for her graduation ceremony (she got a 2:1), accompanied by Chris, Brian and Jennifer.

And that was that, really.

No resurrection of Chas (actually not even a mention of Chas – Chris only mumbled that he wasn’t looking forward to spending the day with Brian and Jennifer).

Pfft.


85p for a can of tomatoes … outrageous!

[Susan] “You have to expect to pay a little bit extra here, for the convenience of having the shop on your doorstep, and when you think about what you spend on petrol going to the supermarket …”

I do agree with Susan, but there’s ‘a little bit’, and there’s taking the Michael.



No-one compares to Helen

Susan and Lynda are worried about Rhys’ forthcoming flat warming party. There could be noise – it could spill out into the Green – there’s could be cans and bottles scattered far and wide.

It wasn’t fair of them to compare Rhys to that weird Jonti chap who had lived (and ran away from) No.3 – but it was utterly unrealistic to compare him to Helen.

Of course Helen was the perfect tenant. Her idea of a wild time was a glass of wine, a box of chocolates and a DVD.


“Crazy Punt” Chris?

Chris was worried about his meeting with his bank manager. He’d spent plenty of time working on his business plan – and Alice had every confidence in him – but Chris reckoned that his bank manager would think his plan was a “crazy punt” and that he had “crazy expectations”.

Seems Chris needs £200,000 – and would have to raise at least £50,000 by April to at least have some sort of deposit.

Ouch.


Elizabeth misses Roy

But not in ‘that’ way. She just misses “Mr Dependable”.

But it’ll be her turn to have a holiday soon. She and twins will be off to Cornwall in September.


Alice isn’t buying Bridge Farm ice-cream

But not because of the E. coli – she reckons it’s just too expensive.

Which is very sensible, as she and Chris do need to save.

Would seem that Jennifer was kinda right that Alice isn’t living the life accustomed. Alice admits herself that she had been used to everything “provided on demand” by her parents.

But, as Chris pointed out, she got her degree through her own hard work – and at least she isn’t running a mile now that money isn’t flowing.

That’s love for you.

Alice reckons Chris is her “hero”.

And they have managed to get through a whole year of marriage. Their anniversary is tomorrow.

Aw. Sweet.


The crack barn?

Did I hear that right?

Did Elizabeth say that Pat has cancelled her stall ion the “crack barn” at the Garden Festival?

The Archers Tuesday 26th July 2011: Tom wants to sacrifice Clarrie

• No flash holidays for Pip
• The press hounds blame the cows
• Sure about insurance?
• Does it matter that Clarrie didn’t do it on purpose?
• PR advice from the NFU …
• Poking drinkers with sticks?
• I’d forgotten about that stolen hay

No flash holidays for Pip

Pip’s looking at beaches in Tenerife – but she reckons she’s just dreaming.

[Pip] “We’re probably end up in a caravan in Tenby, like the Tuckers”

Nowt wrong with Tendy, missy.



The press hounds blame the cows 

The press have descended onto Bridge Farm.

Tony’s having to say no comment.

And as for Tom …

[Tom] “You can take a shotgun to the gentlemen of the press … I just ran into some spotty youth taking photographs of the cows … and when I asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, he said ‘These are the cows, aren’t they … that supplied the milk that went into the ice cream’”

[David] “Oh good grief!”

[Tom] “I know! So now our cows are getting the blame and it was nothing to do with them … and nothing to do with the way the diary was run … just some idiot made a stupid mistake”

Sure about insurance?

David was over at Bridge Farm checking if he could be of any help to Pat and Tony (with NFU, family and mate hats on).

They reckon they are insured, but not for losses while the business is closed.

After having spent over 4 years trying to sort out an insurance claim myself, I wouldn’t even bank on the insurance covering anything.


Does it matter that Clarrie didn’t do it on purpose?

I’ll say from the off that I adore Clarrie. She has a rather rubbish life (at the hands of those Grundy men), but she always does her best for folks.

But … how much sympathy should we have for her considering she knew the 48 hour rule?

[Pat] “Obviously it was a mistake. There was no malice intended …”

Tom doesn’t care. He wants Clarrie sacked.

[Tom] “We must be seen to be taking this seriously, and that means being proactive … we tell the truth, we admit that the incident happened because an employee mislead us about the state of her health … but we have dealt with it and the employee has left the business”

Pat and Tony are horrified at the idea (and also aren’t sure if Clarrie has done anything that is actually a sackable offence). Pat also reckons she has ultimate responsibility as manager. She should have trained her staff better.

[Pat] “Besides, she’s my friend”

[Tom] “Oh come on mum. She’s wrecked our business!”

[Pat] “She made a mistake. Of course I’m angry with her. But I know Clarrie. I know she’ll be tearing herself apart over this”

[Tom] “So you’re just going to let her get away with it … she brings our business to its knees and you’re going to let her off the hook”

[Pat] “I’m not going to sacrifice Clarrie just to keep the press happy”

Tom is right that this is all Clarrie’s fault BUT I don’t see how sacking Clarrie will make any difference. The point to the punters is that there has been e. coli – they’re not going to care where or how it came from – not when there’s utterly safe alternatives to buy.

I’m with Pat on this one. Thought that really isn’t surprising – it’d take a lot for me to ever agree with Tom.


PR advice from the NFU …

Hmmm.

Not sure that that’s the first place I’d turn, if I was in Pat and Tony’s position.

But David is keen to encourage them to make a statement – even though they want listen to Tom’s pleas that they should mention it was Clarrie. Even though his sausages are now being questioned …

So Tony writes up the following statement (which doesn’t admit any liability – after all, folks may still die …)

“Bridge farm is a family farm, and for 20 years we’ve had an unblemished record of producing high quality dairy goods for local outlets. This is a single unfortunate incident which is still being investigated, and we’re doing all we can to cooperate with the health protection agency. We feel most sincerely for those people who have been affected by the E. Coli and hope they will all make a rapid and full recovery”

Fair enough, I suppose. But I also think it’s feels a bit corporate.

Surely Bridge Farm’s appeal is that it’s an independent, family business?

So why not sound like one?

I don’t think this will solve anything.


Poking drinkers with sticks?

Not a new past time for Fallon – just Pip trying to be useful round the farm …


I’d forgotten about that stolen hay

And that no-one was caught for it.

David’s slightly down (again, but not as bad as before) that they milk yield still isn’t on the up. But Ruth reckons it’s due to the dry spring (none of which I saw up my way), leading to the grass not being “luscious”, meaning they couldn’t make as much silage and they’ve had to buy in feed.

[David] “If we hadn’t had all that hay stolen, that was the start of it”

But they then look on the bright side.

At least they’re not Pat and Tony …

The Archers Monday 25th July 2011: No-one is buying ice cream or yoghurt

• Susan has had an empathy-otomy
• Clarrie has to go a whole 48 hours clear
• Will Clarrie get fired?
• Clarrie has to shop in town
• Cows or pants?
• Pat’s not happy twiddling
• Clarrie buys ice cream
• “Everyone’s going to think I’m some sort of mucky person”
• All prunes and no apricots
• Will, Ed, Emma standing together … smiling!

Susan has had an empathy-otomy

Many, many years ago …

Susan’s complaining to Neil that all Clarrie can talk about is that everyone at the Fete knew about the Bridge Farm E. coli outbreak.

Wonder what she thought Clarrie would be talking about?

Susan is also complaining about having to deal with everyone at the Fete talking about the E. coli outbreak.

[Susan] “I had to field some pretty pointed questions from Vicky Tucker yesterday”

And, Susan is complaining that she’s back at work – so surely everyone is going to guess that Clarrie is the E. coli culprit, as she isn’t back at work.

But there’s more …

… Susan then started talking about it is all Clarrie’s fault … but Neil isn’t having that.

[Neil] “She didn’t mean to do it, did she? … It’s easy to be wise after the event … Clarrie’s going to need her friends”

You hear that Susan? Be a friend.



Clarrie has to go a whole 48 hours clear

Clarrie has to go to environmental health with samples

[Clarrie] “I got to keep on doing it til I’m clear”

Seems she won’t be free until she’s free of E. coli. Two clear tests in 48 hours.

Insult to injury (but quite necessary, I suppose).



Will Clarrie get fired?

[Clarrie] “I don’t reckon she’ll ask me back”

Eddie is horrified – saying that they’d have to write to her first.

But Clarrie reckons that probably in the post.

Just how will the Grundys cope if there’s only one way coming in?

Could Joe get a job as a lollipop man?

I reckon it all depends on whether Pat calms down enough. Clarrie has been working at Bridge Farm for 16 years.

But then again, if profits dwindle due to a lack of sales, how long could Bridge Farm keep Clarrie on for anyway?


Clarrie has to shop in town

As she can’t cope to show her face in the village shop.

Though she still ended up bumping into Ivy Horrobin – who then told her that she’d seen Susan working in Ambridge Organics.

Wonder why Susan (her mate) never told Clarrie?

Goodness. This is awful.


Cows or pants?

Clarrie’s trying to work out where she could have picked up E. coli.

From a Grange farm cow?

[Eddie] “Clarrie, you don’t pick up E. coli from standing next to a cow”

Maybe Eddie’s work clothes?

I’d probably suspect his underwear. Especially as he just drops everything on the floor, and Clarrie has to then pick them up to be cleaned.



Pat’s not happy twiddling

Her thumbs.

They’re waiting for a company ready an available to steam clean the dairy.

Until then, they can make any more ice cream or yoghurt (and they’re out of strawberry already as it is).


Clarrie buys ice cream

But only the “cheap stuff” to keep Joe happy. He seemingly gets grumpy when there’s none in.

And how very ironic.


“Everyone’s going to think I’m some sort of mucky person”

Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re off the mark with that one, Clarrie.


All prunes and no apricots

Oh lordly. Susan has a whole new domain to whip into shape.

Ambridge Organics. She’s working there while the dairy is closed.

Susan isn’t impressed with the lack of customers (probably steady for the type of shop it is, but likely not as busy as a place where you can buy your newspaper and a marathon, like the village shop), and the lack of organisation.

[Susan] “We’ve got more prunes than you can shake a stick at, but no dried apricots”

Will, Ed, Emma standing together … smiling!

Vicky has taken the picture she took yesterday to Neil.

[Eddie] “I can’t remember the last time I saw Will and Ed in a photograph together … and smiling”

Susan’s also amazed to see Will and Emma standing together. Very much a “one for the album” moment.

I’m still disappointed that everyone lived happily ever after – troll-gate failed to deliver.

Like Eddie – I thought it’d be tears or a punch up.

Ach well.

Maybe next year.

The Archers Sunday 24th July 2011: The Dawn of the Scarecrows

• Clarrie’s not at the Village Fete
• Corinthia Hart is revealed to be …
• Chris is “not filled with glee”
• Eddie’s contribution to Troll-gate
• Tom tells Vicky
• Cooking kills E. coli
• Jumpy scarecrow with a Scottish accent
• Miss Moffat didn’t impress
• Susan’s back on form
• Scarecrow competition goes all Disney

Clarrie’s not at the Village Fete

Which says a lot. The E. coli shebacle is hitting her quite hard indeed.

[Will] “Pat had a right go at her on Friday”

[Nic] “ … just bad luck”

Though Susan, obviously relieved that the E. coli was nothing to do with her, isn’t quite as supportive.

[Susan] “There are still three people in hospital. Two of them children”

True enough. But don’t start me on the ‘what about the children’ attitude …



Corinthia Hart is revealed to be …

[Susan] “That dumpy little woman? … I’d imagined more like Joanna Trollope”

Seems Corinthia Hart is just an average woman in a Beige cardigan.

I’m not even sure if Corinthia Hart is a nom de plume.

Either way, she seems to be a person of no real consequence to Ambridge.


Chris is “not filled with glee”

At the thought of having to spend the day with Brian and Jennifer at Alice’s graduation.

Odd that he’s not even thinking about bumping into Chas again …




Eddie’s contribution to Troll-gate

Was a river to run under Will’s bridge.

Very clever.

Emma is not amused. Even if her bridge (built by Chris) is (so Emma says) better.


Tom tells Vicky

Not sure why Tom told Vicky about the E. coli being Bridge Farm’s fault, but at least he didn’t tell her about Clarrie.

That seems like a changed Tom.

Did he give birth and have a personality like his sister did?


Cooking kills E. coli

So says Tom.

So it’s more than safe to eat his burgers.

Sham not everyone at the Village Fete knew that. Vicky knew it, but some parents were tasking their kids away when they realised it was Bridge Farm burgers.

(actually … did Vicky buy a burger?)


Jumpy scarecrow with a Scottish accent

Seems one of the scarecrows was a real life one, that “shouts very loudly in a Scottish accent” while jumping out on walkers by.

That’ll be Jazzer then.

Wonder whose garden he was standing in?


Miss Moffat didn’t impress

[Susan] “Miss Moffat looms like a hunchback, and her tuffet isn’t much to talk about”

Susan’s back on form

She’s telling everyone she can that Mistress of the Paddocks was based on Brian.

Even Vicky.

Which means everyone will know.

BUT, to her credit, she also doesn’t tell anyone about Clarrie.

[Susan] “It’s a bit of a mystery. They’re still investigating”

Scarecrow competition goes all Disney

Lewis is judging the scarecrow competition.

He claims he found it hard to judge:

[Lewis] “so many amazing tableaux”

The runners up, “highly commended” are Little Red Riding Hood (in Grange Spinney – but I don’t know who), and Vicky’s Three bears.

And first goes to …. Drum roll … both sets of the Billy Goats Gruff.

Hmpf.

[Lewis] “There was nothing to choose between them”

Double hmpf.

That was a big build up for a fairy-tale ‘and they all lived happily ever after’ ending.

They even all said “cheers” as this eavesdropping episode closed (they were getting their photos taken).

Since when was all fair in love and scarecrow wars?

Yet another damp squib.

There’s been a few of them in late.

The Archers Friday 22nd July 2011: Pat goes all Elizabeth

• Aye, the Post Office always cheers me up as well (!!!)
• Helen’s stuff goes into the barn
• Pat is not amused with Clarrie
• Troll-gate might not be the main attraction
• Not many Zebra and Giraffes in Wales
• Emma looks rough
• To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine … not a sentiment Pat believes in

Aye, the Post Office always cheers me up as well (!!!)

Susan was asking Will how Clarrie was doing. He reckons Clarrie is a “bit glum”.

He later says to Nic that Clarrie is as down as when they lost Grange Farm. Cripes.

[Nic] “She’s had a lot to put with, your mum”

Indeed.

Sounds like Susan isn’t feeling any cheerier.

[Will] “At least you’ve got the Post Office to take your mind off it”

Yes Will.

That’s right.

Susan may think she’s to blame for an E. coli outbreak – but at least she still gets to sell stamps. Let’s keep this in perspective.


Helen’s stuff goes into the barn

And Rhys moves into the flat above the village shop.



Pat is not amused with Clarrie

[Pat] “I still can’t believe it Tom, how could she have been so stupid …One silly thoughtless action and suddenly the whole business is in jeopardy”

So. Pat’s not feeling very rational about this, then.



Troll-gate might not be the main attraction

Seems there’s also a “really scary” wolf in Grange Spinner. A “very spooky” witch just beyond the church. And then there’s Vicky’s bears.

Which Nic reckons looks like wee, cute, Winnie the Poohs.

Seems Will is also still very much in the game.

Neil made a goat as well as a troll (on Emma’s insistence). So Will made three goats.

Chris made a bridge (on Emma’s insistence). So Will has now made a “massive great” bridge.
And now Will has a trick up his sleeve, which he won’t reveal. Even to Nic. Eddie seems to have something to do with it – something about giving Will “the edge”.

The anticipation!



Not many Zebra and Giraffes in Wales

I suppose not.

But also unlike South Africa, there’s also no Kate, Which has to outweigh the lack of wild wildlife.



Emma looks rough

She’s not getting much sleep because of Keira.

So, of course she’s not that interested in helping to try and cheer up Clarrie, even though Nic tried to involved her.

[Will] “I thought you didn’t want to talk to her, after being such a cow on Saturday”

Nice seems to rise above most things. Must be all those years living with Will.



To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine … not a sentiment Pat believes in

[Pat] “So everything points to you Clarrie. You were the source of the infection.”

[Clarrie] “Oh no …”

[Pat] “I’m afraid so … the barbeque wasn’t to blame … you must have picked it up earlier … anytime over a week to ten days … you do understand how serious this is …”

[Clarrie] “I can’t believe it’s me who caused all this trouble …”

[Pat] “… you just didn’t think and this is the consequence, your thoughtlessness has put lives at risk”

[Clarrie] “Oh don’t say that”

[Pat] “The lives of young children”

[Clarrie] “I’m sorry …”

[Pat] “Not to mention damaging the reputation of Bridge Farm which Tony and I have spent over 20 years building up …

“ … we could well end up losing the business …

“ … we’ll be very lucky to recover from this, the whole thing could go under. And it’ll be your fault, Clarrie, all your fault!”

Blimey.

That was one very angry Pat.

And one utterly devastated Clarrie.

Course, Pat is quite right to be furious – and terrified. And Clarrie did go back to work a wee bit early.

But, how was she to know she was carrying E. coli? Big difference between that and a wee stomach bug.

As much as we should be worried for Bridge Far, (it folding would take down Tom, Brenda, Helen and Henry, as well as Pat and Tom), Clarrie is just not going to get over the horror, the shame, the guilt of having wreaked such havoc … poor Clarrie.

What’s more, we still don’t know if the kids and adults who have taken ill are out of critical care yet, or have got worse …

(by the by – must say that I am constantly irritated by when folks say things like ‘a child could have been hit by that’ and such. When did grown-ups become so dispensable? There are vulnerable auld yins as well, you know)

The Archers Thursday 21st July 2011: Clarrie!!! Gutted …

• Does Scruff like charcoal?
• “Little Bo Peep has lost her Llama”
• Llamas are looking svelte
• Clichéd blogs
• Sabrina can’t cope with the till
• Front Page Echo news
• Alice isn’t excited about going to Southampton
• Lovely Chris or gold digging Chris?
• “he earns a pretty decent screw”
• Jennifer has Susan, Lilian has Lynda
• Ellie Burton
• The verdict of environmental health?

Does Scruff like charcoal?

Bet no-one’s even asked him.

The things a dog has to go through to let the people he allows to live with him have a nice lawn.

Well, nice enough.

The buttercups and the creeping cinquefoil are still playing havoc with Lynda and Robert’s lawn – even if Scruff’s scorch marks are no more.



“Little Bo Peep has lost her Llama”

Seems little Bo Peep has go into her own enclosure as they Llamas are “interested” in her.

But Lynda remains positive.

[Lynda] “The Llamas can play part of her flock”

[Lilian – chortling and guffawing] “Little Bo Peep has lost her Llama!”

(I’ve said it before – but I do love a titter from Lilian)

[Robert] “Well, it ruins the rhyme scheme doesn’t it!”

[Lynda – almost sniffing] “Since we have got any sheep on the premises …

([Robert, trying to interrupt] “it’s a joke Lyndee”)

[Lynda] “ … it seems to me a perfectly acceptable compromise”

Llamas are looking svelte

According to Lilian.

They’re also not looking as pink.

Lilian was asking if they’d caught the culprits. Robert reckons they should forget it – Lynda doesn’t sound like she’ll give up anytime soon.

Jamie’s not quite out of trouble as yet, it would seem.



Clichéd blogs

James and Leonie have been writing a blog while on holiday in Dubai.

Lilian thought it was marvellous – all that shopping!

Lynda and Robert weren’t as impressed:

[Lynda] “I’ve never read such an over blown collection of clichés in my life … I can see the point of a holiday blog if you’re kayaking up the amazon or something, but if all you’re doing if hanging out in a shopping mall in the middle of the desert …”

Clichéd blogs?

Wonder where one can find those …?


Sabrina can’t cope with the till

In the village shop. Which didn’t come as much of a surprise to Helen.



Front Page Echo news

“mystery bug strikes gymkhana”

There’s two children in hospital. Three adults in serious condition.

Which is worse than Pat and Helen had heard from environmental health.

But it’s odd – even Lynda hadn’t worked out the connection between that front page news, and Bridge Farm having to recall its products.


Alice isn’t excited about going to Southampton

I’ll bet she isn’t.


Lovely Chris or gold digging Chris?

Lilian reckons “lovely”, Jennifer isn’t so sure:

[Jennifer] “He seems to think … well, his mother does, that we should be picking up the tab … I knew this would happen. I said when they got married I bet the Horrobins are rubbing their hands with glee … she practically had the begging bowl out.

“Pattern for the future … Chris expecting a leg up every step of his career … of course we’ll support Alice …”

That’s not right, Jennifer.

You’ll have to accept that Alice is married to Chris – so she’ll rise and fall alongside him.

And Chris doesn’t expect your money.

[Lilian] “I don’t think you should blame the lad for his mother being a bit crass”

Quite right, Lilian.



“he earns a pretty decent screw”

What does that mean, Lilian?

Is that jail talk that you’ve picked up from Matt?




Jennifer has Susan, Lilian has Lynda

As do we all (our crosses to heave around).

Lilian is a definite for Lynda and Robert’s garden party. As Leonie and Jamie will be there.

She’s not as sure about Matt attending, though.

He’s keep a very (very) low profile.


Ellie Burton

Who runs a tea shop in Penny Hasset, is a bit upset about having to return Bridge Farm stock – but she’s coping.

Phew!



The verdict of environmental health?

Adrian Pegg calls to tell Bridge Farms his findings.

[Adrian] “ E. coli has been found in one particular batch of ice cream”

Oh dear.

Seems there was nothing wrong with the pasteuriser, or any of the other equipment (Susan will be relieved). And the cleaning was “satisfactory”

[Helen] “So, where did it come from?”

[Adrian] “Appears … may have been …The ,member of staff who been sick and return to work while still infected by the pathogen, she must have handled the post pasteurisation ice cream … the sample that she gave us still shows traces of E. coli”

[Pat] “Clarrie”

[Adrian] “Yes. Clarrie Grundy”

Oh bugger.

Of all the people, not Clarrie.

She’s such a gem. The woman manages to keep the Grundy men without their house being closed off as a health hazard (and that takes some doing!).

But, she should have waited 48 hours.

And she shouldn’t have eaten Eddie’s sausages.

Who is to blame?

Clarrie?

Eddie?

Whoever made those sausages …

The Archers Wednesday 20th July 2011: The Village shop is empty of stock

(that’s why no-one is buying anything, Susan – not a boycott. People go into shops to buy stuff. If you don’t have anything to buy, they don’t come in. Simple)

• Susan thinks it her
• And a bridge!!!
• Not a family affair
• Run on digestive biscuits
• Chas shall return?
• Diplomas Vs Degrees
• Susan isn’t very subtle
• Pip wants Adam to market lambs
• Fishing without a rod?
• Milk (and David) is down again

Susan thinks it her

Clarrie thinks the E. coli (allegedly) at Bridge Farm is her fault.

Now Susan reckons it could be her fault.

They both feel guilty that they’re sitting around being paid when they’re not working.

But Susan is now worried that the “residue in the cream separator” is to blame, as it was her job to keep it clean.

Well, she should be.

Seems she might not have noticed the residue had been building up for weeks.

Minger.



And a bridge!!!

I thought one goat was interesting.

Three goats – made sense, but getting a wee bit immature.

But Emma is taking this too far.

[Neil] “Well it’s all getting a bit silly … I really should have said no”

She’s now tried to get Neil to make her a bridge.

But for Neil, the extra two goats was two goats too far – so there’s no chance of a bridge.

But not to worry – Emma has just charmed (or bullied?) Chris into building it.

Troll. Three goats. Bridge.

What is there left for Will to now make to keep up?



Not a family affair

Peggy hasn’t been told about bridge Farm’s woes.

Also seems Jennifer hasn’t’ a clue.



Run on digestive biscuits

The fridges in the Village shop are empty – which means no cream, yoghurt or ice cream.

Seems that Ambridge residents turn to digestive biscuits when they can’t get dairy …

No luck for Jennifer, though. She can’t even get digestives. Seems Vicky bought the last two packets.



Chas shall return?

It’s Alice’s graduation next Monday.

Which means Alice, Chris, Brian, Jennifer and co. have to return to Southampton.

Oo-er.

Wonder if Chas will be there.


Diplomas Vs Degrees

Jennifer and Susan had a bit of a face off about their respective kid’s academic/vocational achievements.

Jennifer poo poos Chris’ diploma.

Susan doesn’t actually demean Alice’s degree – but she does point out that Chris has a great career, great job, could be buying his own business soon.

Which neatly takes us onto …



Susan isn’t very subtle

[Susan] “Anyone investing would be guaranteed a very good return on their money”

Jennifer hears that, takes her to her heels, and drives off to ‘town’ to do her shopping rather than cope with Susan in the village shop.

Neil later gave Susan a bollocking:

[Neil] “But talking about money Susan … it’s like asking how much someone earns .. .you just don’t”

[Susan] “Now, it seems like everything I touch goes bad”

No Susan.

It’s not your touch.

It’s that mouth of yours …



Pip wants Adam to market lambs

through Hasset Hills.

Seems David won’t even entertain the idea.


Fishing without a rod?

David saw Josh heading off with a large back pack and a plastic bucket, but without a rod.

Something to do with (what I reckon is) a crush on Kirsty.




Milk (and David) is down again

The milk yield at Brookfield is down again.

[David, doing his best Victor Meldrew impression, but meaning it] “Oh, I don’t believe it”

David starting talking about how he wants to jack it all in – what’s the point – what are they supposed to do next.

The Archers Tuesday 19th July 2011: Jack’s 92nd birthday

• It’s all about Eddie
• Tom’s back
• Jack’s back … for how long?
• He cancelled the sausage order!
• Eddie was drunk in charge of the sausages
• Clarrie passed the 48hr rule …
• … or did she?

It’s all about Eddie

I hate to say this – Eddie is normally just an amiable rogue - but Eddie seems to be become quite a nastily selfish bloke, these days.

He comes into the kitchen to find Clarrie sat in a puddle of doom (she hasn’t slept all night), and says:

[Eddie] “Thought you’d be having a lie in, that’s what I’d do if I had the day off … getting paid for not working. Make the most of it, eh”

Which I suppose you could say is Eddie just trying to cheer Clarrie up, by making light of a horrible situation. One thing that Bridge Farm is under suspicion of E. coli – another that Clarrie thinks it’s her fault. Because she’d been ill. And she’d gone back to work.

But, what Eddie hears is Clarrie blaming him. When she mentions that she w ants to see Pat to explain, Eddie comes out with:

[Eddie] “What, about how I poisoned you with an undercooked sausage … don’t the point the finger at me!”

Um, she didn’t. Clarrie never mentioned blame, nor sausages.

The bloke doth protest too much.


Tom’s back

I suppose he is quite useful at times of stress and crises. He does tend to just buckle down and get things sorted.

Wonder if he’s also become less smug since he’s been away from the secret microphones … here’s hoping.

He’s also brought Brenda back with him (not in person – just her considered professional advice).

Brenda reckons “mud sticks” (really? I wouldn’t have thought of that one. Well worth the years at uni …)

[Tom, relaying Brenda’s advice] “Minimise the damage … don’t mention e. coli … don’t mention even mention that we’ve had an environmental health inspection”

But there seems to be little point in trying to keep it hush hush. Even worrying about Susan blabbing is pointless.

Bridge Farm has to put a product recall in the Echo.

Oh dear.


Jack’s back … for how long?

Well, not really …

But still sort of nice to hear to hear jack again. At the same time, it was heart-breaking …

[Peggy] “hello Jack”

[Jack] “hello”

[Peggy] “It’s me, Peggy”

[jack] “Yes, Peggy, how nice to see you”

[Peggy] “ … it’s your birthday … you’re 92 …”

[Jack] “No … how much., how many?”

[Peggy] “Happy birthday Jack”

[Jack] “Happy birthday jack … that’s me. I’m jack”

And he kept repeating “you’re Peggy”. And this was probably what they call one of his good days.

Still, jack loved the enamelled tie pin that Peggy had made him.

So Jack had a lovely birthday. He even said he reckoned he was lucky as he got so many cards from so many friends.

But I really really dislike suggesting this … was this the last from Jack?


He cancelled the sausage order!

Honestly, who does he think he is?

[Tom] “That man Somerville .. he’s such a prima donna … he acted like we were doing this deliberately to tarnish the Underwood’s name and as a personal insult to him … he’s even cancelled the sausage order”

Even when he couldn’t return any sausages (even though he wanted to) because he’d sold out.

Honestly. Some people.



Eddie was drunk in charge of the sausages

Hmmmm.

The plot does thicken.



Clarrie passed the 48hr rule …

[Pat] “This particular bug, if you catch it, the average incubation is 3 to 5 days”

So they reckon Clarrie is in the clear> Especially as she only went back to work 48 hours after she felt ill/

Clarrie passed the 48 hour rule


… or did she?

Every helpful Eddie points out to Clarrie (after pat has gone) that she was still ill on the Saturday. So she wasn’t 48 hours clear when she went back to work.

Clarrie seemingly had to rush to the toilet when the tennis (aye – that Andy Murray game) got to match point.

Ever thicker still, that plot.

The Archers Monday 18th July 2011: E. coli 0157

• Helen’s not for baptising
• Clarrie also wants to see Ed and Emma wed?
• I thought there were 4 horsemen of the apocalypse …
• Surely it was the hot dogs?
• Immediate access all areas
• It’s okay – it’s not German
• Henry’s okay
• What’s the plan?
• It’s all Eddie’s fault

Helen’s not for baptising

Understatement of the month goes to Clarrie. She and Pat were talking about Nic being mortified about Mia’s outbursts during Keira’s christening yesterday:

[Pat] “Half the congregation didn’t notice, and the rest thought it was charming”

[Clarrie] “She (Emma) were a bit narked”

Just a bit?

I bet looks could have killed …

Seems Helen isn’t going to baptise (when does it become baptise, rather than christen?) Harry. Not until he’s old enough to:

[Pat] “make his own decision”

That bodes well. He can’t even talk yet, and Helen’s letting having a mind of his own.



Clarrie also wants to see Ed and Emma wed?

Neil was a bit moralistic yesterday, when he was talking to Alan about whether it was right the Keira was being christened with Ed and Emma not being married. Yet.

Clarrie was today wondering why they had Keira christened when they hadn’t bothered getting married.

I suppose she has a point. Why is important to have Keira accept into the church when they aren’t ‘unified’ in the eyes of the church.

I reckon the answer is simple.

Emma just wanted her day … ahem, sorry … Keira’s day.


I thought there were 4 horsemen of the apocalypse …

… but only 3 folks from environmental health turned up at Bridge Farm to wreck doom and gloom.

And they be named Adrian Pegg, Sally Cullens and Ken MacLeod.



Surely it was the hot dogs?

There’s been an outbreak of E.coli 1057. It seems those affected were at the Pony Club last week – and all had Bridge Farm’s ice cream.

That can’t be right.

The hot dog stand sounded far more dodgy.

Suppose the litmus test if the twins – remember they chose hot dogs over ice cream …


Immediate access all areas

Titter ye not! All sounded quite intrusive and scary – all credit to Pat and Tony for keeping so calm.

Especially with Environmental health spouting ‘duty bound to investigate’, and the like



It’s okay – it’s not German

Phew! It’s not the same strain as Germany.

So that’s okay then …




Henry’s okay

As he isn’t ill, hasn’t had any ice cream or yoghurt, and hasn’t been round anyone with symptoms.

Did you also notice Helen saying “I have my baby up there” (or words to that affect).

So she’d left Henry alone?

Not that I think that’s wrong.

Just more evidence that we are mow living with a very new Helen.



What’s the plan?

Everything, and everyone, has to be tested.

The dairy has to be closed (though that was voluntary).

And all Bridge Farm products have to be recalled. Underwoods are already trying to distance themselves.

And if it was their fault – they could be prosecuted,.

[Tony] “You won’t be making any yoghurt today, Clarrie”

Indeedy.


It’s all Eddie’s fault

Clarrie thinks it might be her fault.

Ken was “muttering about residual build up in the separator”, which Clarrie should have cleaned Friday.

But worse still – environmental health are particularly concerned about Clarrie having been ill.

With a tummy upset.

[Clarrie] “just my husband’s cooking”

Oo-er.

Eddie sausages?

The Archers Sunday 17th July 2011: Keira’s christening

• At least the little one looks like a goat
• What is it with sausages?
• Can Will stay well clear?
• Alf is a no-show
• Jack will be 92
• Keira runs late for her own christening
• “why is that man wearing a nightie?”
• Neil gets all moral
• Ambridge won at cricket
• George got flashing shoes, but fell into a rose bush
• The Thwaites have a great spider

At least the little one looks like a goat

[Will] “I finally worked out how to do legs”

[Nic] “Yeah, the little one really looks like a goat … I always thought the big one looked more like …well … a wildebeest … it’s the sort of … erm … hefty shoulders”

[Will] “Well it is the big billy goat gruff. It needs to be hefty if it’s to put the troll into the river”

[Nic] “Oh, of course, silly me”

[George, on seeing the troll and three goats scarecrow] “Wicked! …I like the little one. He really looks like a goat”

Never mind, Will. Even if they don’t all look like it, at least you have two more than Ed.

Ed later finds out about Will doing all three goats. He’s not a happy chappy.

But at least Clarrie is speaking sense.

[Clarrie] “Couldn’t you think of something different?”

What is it with sausages?

George is persuaded to go to Keira’s christening through the promises of sausages.

Considering there seemed to be a bit of a bun fight about who was going to get to make the sausages (Nic won) – what’s the big passions for sausages?

Sausage shortage in Ambridge?

Where’s Tom???



Can Will stay well clear?

Will is worried about what Emma will be like at the christening (yes Will – we all know what Emma can be like!), but Nic is more worried about Will and Ed.

Will promises to stay well clear.

Possible?


Alf is a no-show

Humph.

Not a surprise, really. Thought this might happen – as it did with Clive Horrobin.

What a tease!

Seemingly he’s not well enough to travel. (aye, right then)

Clarrie’s quite happy. Seemingly Alf is quite a picky eater.

He even turned his nose up at her steak and kidney pie once.

Blimey.


Jack will be 92

On Tuesday.

Jamie will be 16 on Wednesday.


Keira runs late for her own christening

As she filled her nappy.

That’s her social calendar not off to a very auspicious start.


“why is that man wearing a nightie?”

Mia’s in full flow – right during Keira’s christening.

[Mia] “Mummy. Why’s that man wearing a nightie?”

[Will] “It’s a surplice … all vicars wear them”

[Mia] “It’s a nightie!”

Nic apologies to Alan for Mia interrupting the service (he doesn’t mind – he’s used to it), and also to Emma. Who was a complete bitch back to Nic.

[Emma] “Upstaging Keira like that … old enough, I’d have thought, to understand she can’t always be the centre of attention”

Meow.



Neil gets all moral

[Neil] “It’s the wrong way round … getting married first … doesn’t that worry you?”

[Alan] “I’m always thrilled to welcome a little child into the church …”

[Neil] “Well the fact is, Emma, well, she had a go at marriage and it ended in tears, so …"

Oh.

Is Neil really upset that Emma and Ed has brought forth child without getting married first?

But there’s always a silver lining.

[Neil, on Emma being a mum] “I’m so pleased she’s finally found something she’s good at … I always thought she’d have a career, but she never really settled to anything”

Ambridge won at cricket

Again! Hurrah!

That the Ambridge team was mainly made up of “old men and boys” (due to harvest) makes the win even better – even though Waterly Cross also had the same problem.

Well, a win is a win.



George got flashing shoes, but fell into a rose bush

Never mind wee man. Life can be like that.


The Thwaites have a great spider

As they’re doing Little Miss Muffet for their scarecrow.

The Archers Friday 15th July 2011: A job … my goodness me, no!

• There’s always time for scarecrows
• Susan’s losing sleep over Chris
• Who gets to cook the sausages?
• Frozen pizzas and jobs … the shame
• The forecast for the christening

There’s always time for scarecrows

Neil’s getting nipped by Susan for seemingly having more time to “mess around” making George’s Trill scarecrow than helping out with preparing for Keira’s christening.

I reckon it’s just nice to see someone making a fuss over something for George. Good Neil has joined Will and Nic in making sure George doesn’t miss out.


Susan’s losing sleep over Chris

[Susan] “It must be so hard for him … having to live up to expectations. money’s never been a problem for her, has it, not the way she was brought up … different families have different values”

So Susan is also using Chris and Alice’s slight (and I do mean slight) financial woes as a means to be negative about their match/marriage.

What’s more – she’s turning it onto Jennifer – as in Jennifer disapproves of Chris (and the rest of the Carters. And that Jennifer and Brian are loaded.

[Susan] “Even if we can't help, you’d think that Brian and Jennifer with all their money … they can afford it, and they wouldn’t just be helping Christopher, they’d be investing in a nice little business”

Looks like this one is brewing into a good old fashioned family feud.



Who gets to cook the sausages?

Alice offered.

Susan was supposed to.

But Nic manages to weegle her way in.

Not sure why Nic was so keen to help with Keira's christening (she hassled Clarrie until Clarrie hassled Susan).

Susan was obviously not too keen for Nic to be around (what with the whole Will/Ed/Emma situation).

Have Will and Nic even been invited to the Christening?



Frozen pizzas and jobs … the shame

Jennifer (having popped round Alice’s … again) is first horrified at the thought of Alice buying frozen pizzas. As Chris likes them.

Jennifer is already dreading the Carter’s Christening party – planning how she and Brian can leave early.

And to top it off – Alice’s talk of getting a summer job appals Jennifer. She thinks that surely an internship (related to her engineering masters) – rather than a common job.

But at least she approves of the Christening gift Alice has bought for Keira (a charm bracelet)

[Jennifer] “Nice and personal but not too ostentatious”

The forecast for the christening

Is:

[Susan] “nothing will go wrong, it’s going to be perfect”

Hmmm.

The Archers Thursday 14th July 2011: Fallon’s in love?

• Josh turning into Jamie?
• Willow Wands
• It’s not just about Trolls
• Caddisfly larvae, Crayfish and crush?
• It’s all Boules
• Ain’t no sunshine when he’s taken
• So Llamas need crooks?
• Hurrah! The Bull has new Specials!
• Fallon shouts at Kirsty

Josh turning into Jamie?

Josh isn’t looking forward to the school summer holidays. He’s already bored, and is complaining that there’s nothing to do in Ambridge.

He’s still in a grump about not being allowed to day off of school to go to the Borchester Show, and is showing no interest in helping round the farm. Which is not like our Josh.

Actually, he is starting to sound like Jamie (of latter days).

Let’s hope that we don’t have to go through all of that shouting and slamming doors again.



Willow Wands

[Lynda] “they’re strong but flexible, you can bend them anyway you like”

Seemingly they’re for Lynda’s Little Bo Peep scarecrow, but I think Robert should also be a bit wary … or delighted … whatever floats his boat, really.



It’s not just about Trolls

Lynda’s making a Little Bo Peep.

Vicky is doing Goldilocks and the Three Bears.


Caddisfly larvae, Crayfish and crush?

Kirsty bumps into Josh, while he despondently skips stones in the river (though he did manage an impressive 8 skips).

Kirsty is doing a species survey – she’s found Caddisfly larvae and crayfish (amongst others).

Josh sounded super interest in what Kirsty had found. Especially the crayfish being edible.

I wonder.

Josh was later making something in the shed at Brookfield.

Something for Kirsty? More interested in her than the wildlife?

Wonder if he’s going to now stalk her, as he did Emma.



It’s all Boules

Would seem Harry and Zofia had a wonderful night out (so Fallon).

And now he’s teaching her to play Boules at The Bull.

Lucky Zofia.

But, as we find out later on, unlucky Fallon.


Ain’t no sunshine when he’s taken

[Fallon] “It doesn’t feel like there’s a whole lot of sunshine in my life right now”

Fallon’s down in the dumps, Kirsty tries to cheer her up.

Kirsty suggests a night out clubbing. Going to a movie. Even just going round to hers for wine and chat (with Kirsty driving both ways).

[Kirsty] “All you have to do is sit there and breathe”

But oh dear – Fallon just wants to stay in with a DVD (yikes! I haven’t heard that phrase since before Helen became a mum).


So Llamas need crooks?

Ruth thought Lynda wanted a shepherdess crook for the Llamas.

Is that normal? Or was Ruth just being a bit dense?



Hurrah! The Bull has new Specials!

Looks like Kenton and Jolene have worn Freda down.

The Specials board now has grilled sea bass.

Though seems Freda still doesn’t sit well with the concept of warm salad.


Fallon shouts at Kirsty

Fallon doesn’t want to go out. And she especially doesn’t want to play Boules with Harry and Zofia.

Kirsty keeps trying to cajole Fallon – until Fallon loses her temper, and shouts at her to stop.

Then the penny drops.

[Kirsty] “Harry … you, still like him don’t you?”

[Fallon] “Even if I did, it wouldn’t do me any good, would it … it’s too late now. I’ve missed my chance, haven’t I?”

Aw. Poor Fallon.

But what on earth has she been thinking? Why all the flirting before Christmas – a quick peck during Panto rehearsals – then …. Nothing.

How was Harry supposed to know Fallon was still interested?

Silly woman.

The Archers Wednesday 13th July 2011: Alice is not living the life accustomed

• Alice is feeling very guilty
• Eggs, honey and vans
• A subtle hint to Jennifer?
• Troll-gate
• No help from Neil
• Adam losing his edge?
• The horror of Alice on a low income …

Alice is feeling very guilty

That she got Chris into trouble with Chas. That they’ve now got a loan. That they’ll need to get another loan. That Chris is working hard. That she’s not working, and still has more uni to go.

The solution? She buys in food for lunch, then makes Chris feel guilty for not having the time to stay and eat.

[Alice, jesting] “You’re a busy, tough, hardworking farrier banging away at your anvil all day, where I’ve got nothing to do all day than sit around and paint my toenails”

Never mind Alice. Your mum calling round every few minutes is more than enough of a burden for you to cope with.



Eggs, honey and vans

Alice shouldn’t grump too much about Jennifer popping round – she does come bearing gifts.

[Jennifer] “Half a dozen eggs and some honey from Jill”

A subtle hint to Jennifer?

Jennifer tells Alice that she thinks Chris’ van is “very smart”. Which Alice takes as an opportunity to tell Jennifer that the interest they are paying, for the van loan, is higher than she and Chris thought it would be.

I reckon Alice knew exactly what she was doing.

She knows Jennifer’s been worried about her mood of late (which is about the Chas situation, unbeknownst to Jennifer), so giving Jennifer reason – and maybe a way of helping out – was very astute.

So maybe not bank of Peggy. Maybe it’ll be the Bank of Brian, brokered by Jennifer.



Troll-gate

Now Brian thinks he needs to do a scarecrow for Ruari (after chatting to Will).

Brian manages to get Adam’s help.

Neil is also busy, working on George’s troll scarecrow (on behalf of Ed and Emma). He’s even borrowed Chris’ (seemingly very impressively large) wire cutters.

Over at Will’s – he’s found “monster boots” in his shed – and George also lets slip that Emma and Ed are also doing a troll. AND a goat.

So Will is now going to also make all three goats.

George is loving it!

But, bad, bad parents for making George keep secrets from his other parents.

That’s a therapy session waiting to happen.


No help from Neil

Chris asks Neil’s advice about whether he should get another loan, to be able to buy the farrier business next year.

[Neil] “Don’t bite off more than you can chew”

Adam losing his edge?

So reckons Brian.

Mainly because he’s “spoiling” the fruit pickers. Adam’s even given Zofia the afternoon off so that she can get her hair cut (ahead of her night out with Harry).

Fancy that. Whatever next? A whole day off a week? Sickness pay? A safe working environment …. Probably not. They are on short term contracts.




The horror of Alice on a low income …

Alice’s subtle hint to Jennifer has hit home – Jennifer does now think that Alice is on edge, purely due to money worries.

But, maybe Alice didn’t foresee that Jennifer would use this as evidence to prove that she was right that Alice was wrong to marry Chris.

[Jennifer] “This is just what I was afraid would happen, they rushed into this impulsive, off the shelf marriage, as thought, well, as a big romantic gesture and now Alice is finding out what’s it’s really like to be struggling on a low income”

[Brian] “Hold on, don’t get too carried away … for heaven’s sake, it’s not as if Christopher’s staking shelves in a supermarket …he’s in a skilled and relatively secure trade earning good money”

As Brian points out – Alice and Chris have a home without a mortgage – they may have a loan for the van, but they have no other personal debt – and Chris does indeed have a job.
[Brian] “A bit of pressure won’t do her any harm, it’ll be character building … they may have chucked themselves in at the deep end but they’ll soon learn to swim”

Quite right Brian. Jennifer may want to protect Alice from having to be skint (Jennifer had to suffer that when she moved away from Ambridge with baby Adam), but she also needs to be realistic.

Alice could have married some hooray-Henry chap, but there’s no guarantee that anyone (posh or lowly) will have any ready cash from one day to the next, in these turbulent times.

But – Jennifer will use any excuse to knock Alice’s marriage. She’s just waiting for it to crumble.

The Archers Tuesday 12th July 2011: Where’s Captain?

• “Jonti, the disappearing IT wizard”
• Jack looking for Captain
• Jamie feels like Borchester’s most wanted
• It should have been me …
• Who will be gifted Jill’s brooch?

“Jonti, the disappearing IT wizard”

So says Lilian.

It would seem Jonti came, created lots of noise, then left.

[Lilian] “Left me with a rubber cheque … this smells like a moonlight flit … undernourished, geeker glasses not too fussy about his personal hygiene …”

[Fallon] “Oh, with the dog you mean?”

[Lilian] “And the motorbike”

[Fallon] “Not very popular with the neighbours, is he?”

Seems even Bert Horrobin didn’t have a good word to say to him (I didn’t know Bert Horrobin was even still alive …).

Not only has Jonti bumped Lilian, but he’s also not paid his milk bill.

Terrible.

[Lilian] “The place looks like it’s been camped in by a bunch of Hells Angels …”

(actually – Hells Angels are quite peaceable chaps these days)

Harry seemed shocked at the thought of oil on the carpet, but Lilian is already trying to move on. She has Jonti’s deposit, is going to get it professionally cleaned, and will look for a new tenant. Though:

[Lilian] “The next one is going to need references from the Bishop of Felpersham”

Jack looking for Captain

Peggy and Lilian arrive to find Jack outside on his own, looking for his dog.

Jack realises that Captain isn’t there. So goes off to find him. Can’t find him. Gets anxious and upset. He’s told that Captain died years ago. He gets upset again. Then forgets what he’s just been told.

Difficult, for everyone.

But at least Peggy has Elona, who even makes her tea when she’s on her break.


Jamie feels like Borchester’s most wanted

[Jamie] “Mrs Noakes crosses the road … getting a few funny looks”

Everyone knows about the car stealing and crash – Jamie feels marked even though he wasn’t really involved.

He tells Fallon that he’s heard from Marty – but hasn’t heard from Steve.

[Jamie] “That suits me fine … never again. I always knew he was an idiot”

[Fallon] “Live and learn, eh?”

Would seem so.


It should have been me …

… is probably a song ( by Yvonne Fair) that Fallon should be singing right now

Spotting Harry coming along the road:

[Lilian, to Fallon] “His new totty, darling … quite a little bombshell, isn’t she, do you think she can handle her (chortle). Such a sweet boy, I’d hate to see him get his fingers burnt (chortle) if you see what you mean (chortle)”

(goodness, I love a good Lilian guffaw!)

I didn’t quite see what Lilian meant, and Fallon also didn’t seem too impressed.

Hmmm.

Harry then asks if he can ask Fallon for some personal advice:

[Harry] “Can I have the benefit of your worldly wisdom, for a minute … it is a little bit delicate …”

He asks her where he should take Zofia out for a nice meal. He reckons Fallon is the “gourmet queen”. (really?)

Fallon does tell him where to go (in a nice way – she gives him the advice he seeks), but she sounds a bit reticent. A bit sad. A wee bit upset.

Hmmmm indeed.


Who will be gifted Jill’s brooch?

I am still on about the ‘brooch of doom’ (Nigel gave Elizabeth a brooch just before he died).

Seems Peggy and Jill were enamelling at ted’s again. Jill has made a brooch (doom!), and Peggy is thinking about making a tie pin for Jack’s birthday next week.

Elona said something a bit odd:

[Elona] “You musn’t let Jill do better than you”

Suppose Peggy is talking to Elona is a far more intimate way that one would suppose.

The Archers Monday 11th July 2011: Spencer’s worried about mud

(which is odd for a farmer, but he’s actually talking metaphorically … or something like that)

• Susan’s making a list
• Alf Grundy returns!
• We all know what happens when reparations are demanded …
• Spencer takes Pip for a ride on his big monster
• AND A GOAT!
• Pip’s disappointed in David
• Spencer’s a sensitive young chap

Susan’s making a list

And will be checking it twice, you can bet.

Which Clarrie seems quite happy to just follow, and be told what’s what.

Which is fair enough. Why try make an extra effort when someone else is doing to do the work for you?

This christening should be (*should* be, please note) a doddle.


Alf Grundy returns!

Also called Alfie by some (not to be confused with Vicky’s ill-fated dairy bull calf).

Eddie’s brother. Joe’s eldest. And a bit of a bad ‘un.

The distinction is that while Joe and Eddie are mere rogues (they rip people off, but they do it with a cheeky grin), Alf is a proper criminal (rips people off with a scowl). He even stole from Eddie once.

Not sure how long it’s been since Alf was around – but Susan is not too happy to hear that he’s due back in Ambridge for Keira’s christening.

[Clarrie] “You know Alfie – if there’s a bit of free nosh going”

Later on, to Neil, Susan hopes that Alf isn’t back on the cider.

This christening should be interesting after all.

Wondering if the Aldridge’s are invited? Susan will have apoplexy …


We all know what happens when reparations are demanded …

… knackered economy, high inflation, high unemployed, widespread dissatisfaction, anger, hatred, Hitler and World Wars.

Funny that Steve and Marty have to pay them back. I’d have thought the powers that be would have had a far more fluffy and inclusive terms for (what sounds like) community service.

They might also have to do guidance and counselling – and Pip was a bit taken aback that Steve has been grounded.

[Pip] “Wow!”

Eh? Surely a basic, in these circumstances?


Spencer takes Pip for a ride on his big monster

I know … childish and obvious, but I couldn’t resist ;)

Spencer’s stressed out, so Pip pops over to chum him out for a ride on the combine.

Pip is most suitably impressed with his combine. It seemingly has a setting for tailings (the ears that weren’t fully threshed the first time, so get put back through again), and a whole 9 different crop settings that can be customised. Amongst many other things.

[Pip] “You really think you’re Mr Cool, sat up here on your monster machine”

Spencer quite sensibly refuses Pip when she asks to have a go at driving. She’s obviously far too excited, and doesn’t she remember what happens when unauthorised persons are allowed to drive farm equipment (Jude and the quad bike).


AND A GOAT!

Neil’s been very quiet of late.

First moment he gets near the secret microphone, Emma talks him into making George’s troll scarecrow for them. She claims she’s too busy (again), but also makes it slightly obvious that she wants a scarecrow better than she and Ed could scare up.

(see what I did there?)

BUT – not only does she want better – she was wants a troll AND a goat.

[Neil] “Well, a troll’s one thing … a goat!”

Yes Neil – A GOAT!!!

[Emma] “It’s got to be the best mum. George has set his heart on it”

[Neil] “I can bend him anyway you want”

Well, steady on there Neil. Tis only a village competition.


Pip’s disappointed in David

[Spencer] “Plain safe”

[Pip] “Plain chicken … if you’re going to succeed in this business you’ve got to be prepared to take a risk”

Hark at her! One terms with a side order of Business Studies (failed the first time), Pip think she’s knows all.


Spencer’s a sensitive young chap

The situation with at Spencer’s home (Steve being in trouble, his dad furious and his mum crying) is bad enough – but bless wee Spencer. He’s also worried about what Pip’s folks will think of him.

After all, they did hate Jude.

[Pip] “No matter what anyone else thinks, I ;love you just the same. And that’s all that matters.”

So it’s love.

Aw.