Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Chris gets bladdered: Mon 04.03.13 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 4th March 2013
  • Pat and Tom row over veg boxes
  • Jazzer has more names for the shearing business
  • Bad paint job
  • Chris doesn’t even want Freda’s pie!

Pat and Tom row over veg boxes

To be fair to Tom, he did start well.

He had a spare half hour, so started prepping the veg boxes. Which isn’t his job.


He started to say something about the veg boxes, realised he was about to criticise, so shut up again.

[Pat] “Now you're just being irritating. So tell me what’s your problem?”

Tom thinks they should have more “interesting” veg than just cabbage and kale. He reckons their customers will be fed up with those types of veg by now.

[Pat, fuming] “I disagree. people want locally grown, seasonal vegetables. That's the whole point of the scheme ... our customers want the basics, that's what we supply, and that's what we'll continue doing, if that's alright with you!”


Later on, as Tom claims to just be trying to drop a DVD off to Helen:

[Pat] “The last thing I need is you going on at me about the veg boxes!”

[Tom] “No one said anything about the veg boxes.”

But, now that Pat has mentioned it for him …

[Tom] “Our usual way of doing this might be a false economy.”

Tom reckons that though they’d have to buy in some of the veg, it would help their customers to have non-dull veg boxes. So, one assumes, they’d also attract new customers.

Pat’s incensed at the Tom suggesting their customers think the veg boxes are dull.

[Pat] “Who specifically? What have they been saying???”

[Tom] “This is a preventative thing …”

[Pat] “Have you had any complaints?”

[Tom] “Well until you do, this subject is closed.”

Hurrah for Pat! She’s finally found Tom’s Achilles' heel. Everything he says is because Tom Archer thinks it. 99.9% of the time it doesn’t matter if anyone else agrees.

Jazzer has more names for the shearing business


Blood, Sweet and Shears

The Shear-locks

The Snip Dogs

(the last one is meant to be like Snoop Dog … who I believe is a young man popular in today’s hit parade. Music stopped at The Smiths for me …).

Bad paint job

Ed told Jazzer exactly what paint to get for painting the tractor.

So, Jazzer ignored him, and bought cheap stuff. Which means a bad finish.

Worse still, seems Jazzer got the paint from some chap called Car Boot Carlo. He even sounds dodgy …

[Ed] “Carlo saw you coming mate ... do you know what Carlo’s nickname is, the jackal ... once he's got you in his sights, you've had it.”

[Jazzer] “I don't get it.”

(read this Jazzer … Carlos the Jackal http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlos_the_Jackal)

Jazzer ruins it for himself when he trips (while mucking around to the Foo Fighters … another pop hit parade combo), puts a hand on the pain job, and spills the rest of the tin of paint. So, he’ll have to strip back what he’s done, and start again.

This time, Ed will buy the paint.

Chris doesn’t even want Freda’s pie!

(sorry … that was very childish of me)

It’s steak pie. Which Tom is muchly enjoying, at The Bull.

[Tom] “Don't quote me, but it beats Brenda's any day of the week.”

Chris doesn’t want to eat. He just wants to drink, even though Susan would have him over for his tea. Tom can’t comprehend of someone not wanting their tea.

[Tom] “So what have you got waiting for you at home?”

[Chris] “Nothing.”


Seems Chris is on a mission, and Tom suggests he slow down his pint intake.

Actually, Tom does have a point. Chris is starting to talk nonsense. When Tom asked him how his footy was going:

[Chris] “I'm a wanderer who goes all the way over to Paxley, my wife, who isn't a wanderer, is about 5,000 miles away.”

On Alice – Tom thinks she’ll get it out of her system just through knowing she could get a top rate job. She won’t actually accept it. Chris reckons she will.

So Tom reckons it’d be exciting for Chris to go to Canada.

[Chris] “Me? How can I go to Canada?”

[Tom] “It's about trying to see things from her perspective.”

(ha! As if Tom can say that of himself)

[Chris] “Why? She can't see things from mine.”

Though Tom can sympathise with Chris over having problems with his ‘woman’, he reckons he and Brenda:

[Tom] “Underneath, we're solid. And so are you and Alice.”

(hmmm . I wouldn’t be so sure on either count)

Anyhoo – Chris gets drunk to the point he gets refused by Kenton. Luckily, Jazzer came along with pints, saving Chris from Tom’s refusal to buy more. And Tom’s insistent on taking him home to make a sandwich.

(what is wrong with Jazzer? Why is he suddenly happy to buy other folks pints?)

[Jazzer] “Leave him alane. His missus is away. Let him finish his pint and have a laugh for once.”

Fair play to Jazzer.

But later, Jazzer and Tom have to take Chris home, and put a washing up bowl next to him.

Chris won’t be a pretty sight of a man in the morning

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