The Archers Mon 8th Nov 2010: Tony’s feeling picked upon

The Archers: Sabrina is being Sabrina … Nic and Clarrie go shopping … Harry is still trying to persuade Jazzer … Tony gets it from all sides

• “Does anyone have as much front as Sabrina?”
• Belly strapping a cow
• Harry “hasn’t got the measure of Jazzer”
• Does Nic even believe herself?
• Eddie – take Clarrie out!
• Fully condensing heat recovery unit
• Taking it to extremes
• “What have I done to offend you all?”

“Does anyone have as much front as Sabrina?”

I reckon the men of Ambridge would be hard pushed to think of anyone else to beat Sabrina.

Nic and Clarrie bumped into Sabrina in a charity shop, while she was on her mobile feigning that she was in Underwoods Designer department.

Surely all good ladies nowadays have no shame in supporting their local charity, while picking up a bargain.

Don’t the rich become rich by being canny?


Belly strapping a cow

Ruth and Pip sure know how to bond.

They just belly strap a cow. Even though the poor cow just seemingly lifted her foot.

Taking her chance to corner Pip about her College considerations, Ruth seems to be pushing Pip to make decisions.

But it doesn’t look like Pip is in any rush. She has a cow to tend to, course work to finish and a ball to organise (there’s only 4 tickets left. Best rush before you have to resort to EBay).


Harry “hasn’t got the measure of Jazzer”

Utterly obsessed with making sure Lynda gets her full panto cast, Harry is still trying to persuade Jazzer to be Idle Jack.

But he has a cunning plan.

Instead of Idle Jack – Harry comes up with changing the character to

“Idle Jock … a comic Scotsman”

*sigh*

Harry thought that would be more “appealing” for Jazzer, but it isn’t just Jazzer than he doesn’t understand – it’s surely the entire race of Scots that he seems to lack an understanding of.

Jazzer expressed his lack of support for Harry’s idea

[Tom] “Never heard such fluent or imaginative swearing … sure half the words weren’t real, even in Glasgow”

Poor show Mr Mason.


Does Nic even believe herself?

Buying a nice sequin dress for the Young Farmers Association dinner dance, Nic’s also pondering trying to get Will to buy a new tie.

Seemingly his current favourite looks like a “comfort blanket” (tatty as well as well adored).

Nic and Clarrie then have a chat about the fact that both Nic/Will, and Ed/Emma, will be at the aforementioned dance.

If you ask me, both Clarrie and Nic at times seemed to be talking about completely different blokes.

[Clarrie]” Both of them thinking the other one is trying to get one up – and they’re not”

(oh yes they very much are – it’s currently – who can block a road for the longest, and who can rev their car engine the loudest!)

[Nic] “Will is prickly about the baby … that’s because of the way he found out”

(nope – it’s because he loathes Emma and Ed. And won’t Will be thinking that, if Ed and Emma weren’t so evil, the baby would have been his?)

[Nic] “He’ll be fine about … I won’t give him a choice”

(actually – Nic might just be able to make that happen. She’s already proven she didn’t take Will’s jealously lying down …)

[Nic] “He’ll be alright, you know, about Emma and Ed’s baby”

[Clarrie] “I hope so”

[Nic] “I think hearing about the baby touched an old nerve – perhaps he is still a bit raw – but he’ll come round”

[Clarrie] “Hmmm”

[Nic] “And there’s no real reason for him to be bothered, is there?”

[Clarrie] “No logical reason, no …You’re quite right Nic – babies is the best news a family can have”

Nic’s right that Will has “no real reason” to be so aggravated by Ed and Emma having a baby – but Clarrie’s spot on that it’s no actually a real reason anyway.

Will isn’t a bit raw – he’s positively fuming!

As I said before, this dance could be closer to an enactment of the prom in Carrie …


Eddie – take Clarrie out!

I’ve said this many times before, but Clarrie really does deserve some pampering. After all, amongst the many jobs, housework, sorting out Joe and Eddie’s scams AND cutting Joe’s toenails (the image of which still gives me nightmares), Clarrie really doesn’t get any ‘me’ time.

As she’s shopping with Nic, she spots a pashmina she really likes, but won’t but because:

“Eddie don’t take me to any posh dos”

As Clarrie nips off to the toilet (so that she can go “straight up to the turkeys when I get back”- does she never stop???), it looks like Nic bought it for her.

So Eddie – if Clarrie does have that pashmina, you can at least buy the lady dinner so that she can wear it.

And that’s an order!


Fully condensing heat recovery unit

Blimey – that Tom knows how to be interesting and sexy at the same time (!!!).

Tom’s gone off the idea of a pre-cooler, and now wants to buy a fully condensing heat recovery unit.

Much to Tony's consternation.

Tom does have to be applauded for his efforts to save ‘front end’ costs by saving on electricity, but he really doesn’t try to involve Tony. He just tells him what’s what.

And Tony’s right that Tom has a cheek wanting to buy new equipment when he gave Tony such had a hard time over tony buying mower conditioner.

But seemingly that’s not the same. Tom’s efforts are like making you don’t leave the light on in a room that isn’t being used there and then, rather than replacing equipment which just does the farm work.

Pat also backs Tom, as both a cost saving and a good moral stance (to reduce footprint).

I can’t help thinking that if everyone listened to Tony (rather than assuming he’s talking bollocks), and if they all sat down to look at ways to save costs as well as maintain their working equipment – wouldn’t they have a more productive farm anyway?


Taking it to extremes

Helen has now been spotted by Lynda at Grey Gables, this time at the crack of dawn waiting for the pool to open.

She’s seemingly swimming first thins and last thing every day.

As Tony pointed out, at least Helen does eat properly when she exercises, but surely she’s just burning off those calories.

This does not bode well at all.


“What have I done to offend you all?”

So after Pat and Tom ganging up on him about the farm, Tony also has to deal with Kathy coming over for dinner (again), and talk of Helen exercising too much.

Pat made him take his boots off, demanded he change his jeans and then also his top (all because of their dinner guest).

[Tony] “Once in a while is fine – she can be good company when she wants to be – but it’s impossible to relax properly when she’s here”

Maybe Tony should have made a point by taking his work jeans off to sit around in his pants. That’d put Kathy off!

[Tony] “What have I done to offend you all? Can’t even keep my comfortable clothes on – are you lot ever going to give me a moment’s peace?”

Doesn’t seem like it, Tony.

I think your problem is that you have a very headstrong family who don’t seem to think you know what you’re talking about. It also doesn’t help that you’re not exactly the best listener in the world.

The Archers Sun 7th November 2010: Harry really rates Lynda

The Archers: Jolene plans a day out … Peggy’s birthday plans … Con has been in touch … Nathan Booth is being naughty at the Panto … Poppies are selling well in The Bull

• Fallon’s working on her tunes again
• Does Jolene really just want bar supplies?
• Bill’s been on the pull
• Peggy’s having a birthday tea
• “Tom really has got his head screwed on, doesn’t he?”
• Con Lives!
• Robert’s making funny sounds
• Harry and Lynda up a tree?
• Ah, that’s why Lynda is so …
• Ruairi has his bottom pinched
• Vicky is not an ingénue
• I want to see Nathan’s Bruce Forsyth
• At last … someone realises Fallon can sing!

Fallon’s working on her tunes again

Oh, that’s a surprise.

Just when there’s a dire need for music in the panto.

If I was a cynical person …

Does Jolene really just want bar supplies?

She sounded very odd indeed.

And then she ‘reveals’ that Kenton is taking her to Borchester Bar Supplies.

That’s interesting. Very interesting indeed.



Bill’s been on the pull

Naughty Bill.

That’s Peggy’s sofa, that is.


Peggy’s having a birthday tea

Ah, how lovely. With family, and cake!

(and I’m not being sarcastic. That sounds like a lovely time for a lady about to turn 86).

[Peggy] “Don’t bother hunting out the right number of candles”

Bless her.


“Tom really has got his head screwed on, doesn’t he?”

No Peggy.

Sorry to disagree, but Tom is just an annoying little man who doesn’t have enough respect for his father to listen and discuss, rather than just railroad.


Con Lives!

And isn’t Peggy delighted about it.

On the one hand – Peggy is still married – on the other hand, it’s lovely to hear Peggy so happy and excited about something that’s just about her.

Might be good for all concerned?

[Peggy] “Thought [Con] was very gracious asking about jack”

especially as last time Con and Jack met, it was

[Peggy] “Like two stags sizing each other up”

Though as Peggy put it,

[Peggy] “How trivial that all seems now”

Either way, Con is very much alive and seems just as delighted to hear from Peggy.

He has a daughter Belinda, son Danny and granddaughter Amanda.

Peggy also thinks Con still has his sense of humour. Though I’d doubt he still had his own teeth.


Robert’s making funny sounds

Oh tee-hee Mr Snell!

In charge of the Panto’s sound effects, he’s having a grand old time to himself.

First a submarine sound effect

[“for when the rats dive away from the cook”]

then a ‘boing’ sound

[“King rat bouncing in the cooking pot”]

and finally a bit of a Pyscho soundtrack sounding sound

[“the littlest rat getting caught in the door”]

While Robert and Harry were having a right old titter at the sound effects, Lynda:

“If I hear one more raspberry or comic boing tonight, I will not be answerable”

At which point Robert ceases his schoolboy behaviour, and heads off to the pub.

Leaving Harry to sweet talk Lynda

(I kid you not!)




Harry and Lynda up a tree?

Harry is either trying to butter Lynda up for a swindle, or he genuinely adores her:

[Harry] “I can see how important you are to the village … you make things happen … life would be a lot duller … you deserve all the support you can get”

Oh Harry.

Sorry to be super critical, but I really can’t work you out.

What is Harry’s Game?!?


Ah, that’s why Lynda is so …

… extreme about the Panto.

Lynda reckons she was shy when young, (the wee poppet even got teased for being so quiet) but her head teacher (Miss Baxter)

[Lynda] “saw something in me no-one else did”

and casted her as Gerda in the snow queen. And that was:

[Lynda] “the best thing ever happened to me … I felt special”

So, Lynda is so focused on the Panto because she wants everyone else to have that feeling.

I do like Lynda. She’s just not the one dimensional obsessive she often makes herself out to be.


Ruairi has his bottom pinched

By the rather cheeky Molly Button.

Keep your eye on those two (but give it another 10 years for it to get properly interesting)


Vicky is not an ingénue

So says Lynda.

Honestly, Lynda and Vicky are the worst friends ever!

Vicky stabs Lynda in the back over the Peregrines – now Lynda is merrily slagging Vicky off when Vicky had actually stepped in to help Lynda out.

Still bereft of an Alice Fitzwarren for the Panton, Vicky read the part during rehearsals.

Not impressed by Vicky’s giggling and waving to Mike, Lynda is becoming increasing desperate to cast her leading lady.


I want to see Nathan’s Bruce Forsyth

Especially if he has managed to make Bruce seem more like Maureen Lipman.


At last … someone realises Fallon can sing!

Ah, we can always depend on Clarrie to speak sense.

And the penny finally drops for Lynda.

Trying the idea out on Jolene, Lynda realises that while it is probably too busy a time at The Bull for Fallon to take a full part in the Panto, she could always get Fallon to record the backing music.

Didn’t Vicky suggest that weeks ago?

The Archers Fri 5th Nov 2010: Bonfire Night

The Archers: Caroline gets a cold back at bonfires … Kenton isn’t having any luck … Jolene’s up and down … Sabrina can’t play the part

• Bit of a damp squib
• Caroline’s back in the thick of it
• A double-dip-depression for Jolene?
• Helen is playing with pool boys …
• Aren’t we ever going to hear from Reece?
• Harry likes it safe
• Kathy and Kenton avoid each other
• Jamie avoids Kenton
• Sabrina reads Alice
• “You stick around Kenton archer – you’ll get plenty of chances to pay me back”

Bit of a damp squib

(and that’s the first time I’ve used that phrase in near perfect context! Maybe because I only learnt that it wasn’t ‘squid’ just a few months ago …)

I thought that Ambridge’s bonfire night was a very dull event indeed.

Maybe that was inevitable due to thoughts of Sid, but it definitely did not go off with a ‘bang’.



Caroline’s back in the thick of it

Nice to Caroline back (well, at least talking).

Her Uncle (Lord Netherborne) still isn’t in good shape, though it sounds like his pride is more hurt than his body.

I do wonder where all of this is going.

Is Lord Netherborne about to pop his clogs and leave Caroline some treasures?

Caroline has also managed to get herself tasked with getting more sponsorship for the Race Evening (with Grey Gables already sponsoring one of the races). And she’s having to chase Jolene for the catering.



A double-dip-depression for Jolene?

As Caroline was chasing Jolene for a quote (for the Race Evening), Jolene did sound rather vacant again.

She did perk up later, when Bonfire night was in full swing, but once again dipped when she needed to go upstairs (while forgetting half of Caroline’s order to Fallon).
Yet, Jolene sounded a bit sad, but not morose, when she was later talking to Kenton about how she was feeling.

Up and down. Down. Up. Slightly down. Slightly up.

I just hope the Up phases become more and more regular.

Kenton nailed it when he said:

“The first year is twelve months of firsts”

And Jolene did have a point that she is having to mourn in public.

Bets on for Jolene having a sad or happy Christmas day?


Helen is playing with pool boys …

I know. Caroline meant ‘buoys’ rather than boys, but I couldn’t resist.

After hurting her knee, Helen has decamped from the gym to Grey Gables to take up swimming.
And yet again – Helen’s not taking it gently.

Despite Caroline reckoning that:

“being pregnant suits Helen”,

Caroline was also telling Kathy that Helen was in the pool with

“hand paddles and floats and pool buoys … you’d think she was in training for a competition!”

As Kathy then said:

“Helen doesn’t do anything by half”

I’ve said it before, but Pat is quite right to be worried. For both Helen and her baby’s sake.


Aren’t we ever going to hear from Rhys?

I feel quite sorry for that Rhys.

He’s seemingly “quite a find” and is “really keen”, but yet he’s not allowed to talk.


Harry likes it safe

Course he does. Would we expect Harry to want a wild and dangerous time – even if was just a few sparklers being waved with jolly abandon?

Nope. He much prefers all health and safety boxes to be ticked.

Slow and steady wins the race?

Question is, what race is Harry in?


Kathy and Kenton avoid each other

Phew!

When I heard Kathy at the Bonfire night, it gave me a deep concern that she and Kenton would resume shouting.

But hurrah! They completely ignored each other.

Marvellous.

I have been worried that Kenton’s recent burst of helpfulness had something to do with wanting to impress Kathy, but now I think it’s Jamie he wants to impress.

And he sounded sincere when he said:

“Grown apart and split … that must have been because the cracks were there from the beginning … we were like chalk and cheese”

Phew. Glad that’s all over!


Jamie avoids Kenton

I still think it’s too little from Kenton – but I do feel a bit sorry for him.

Jamie can’t stand for Kenton to even talk to him at the moment. He dropped all enthusiasm for the fireworks when Kenton came over, and rushed away the second he spotted his mates.

(by-the-by, is it a good idea for Jamie to still be hanging around with Marty? I suppose there’s not a lot Kathy could do to really stop him).

Even Kenton mentioning that:

“Josh recommends the cinder toffee”

Didn’t get Jamie’s attention.

On chatting to Jolene later on, Kenton says that he’s determined to not give up on Jamie:

“My biggest regret is Jamie – I don’t think he wants anything to do with me … this time, it was because life got in the way … I want to be a positive presence in his life”

(so I assume Kenton is feeling that he’s not going to let Jamie be another Meriel)



Sabrina reads Alice

Which neither Sabrina nor the rest of the cast were happy about.

When it got to the singing bit, Sabrina sounded like:

“A chicken being put through a mangle”

Come on Fallon. Get in there!

You can sing, and you’ll get to be Harry’s love interest. If only when he’s acting …



“You stick around Kenton archer – you’ll get plenty of chances to pay me back”

What on earth did Jolene mean by that?

Answers on the back of a beer mat, please.

The Archers Thurs 4th Nov 2010: Jazzer goes to a supermarket

The Archers: Jazzer goes shopping … Josh and Ben, ‘Penny for the Guy’ … Lynda’s getting to the end of her Panton casting

• Jazzer doesn’t ‘get’ supermarkets
• “The lessor spotted Scots pigman in a supermarket”
• Proof that the BBC does not ‘make’ the archers
• Josh pimps Ben out
• Bert came third
• David gets railroaded
• Harry is not impressed
• Harry is keen to be a girl
• “Fill one hole, and another takes it place”
• “You big girl … on yer bike!”
• Why is Kenton being so helpful?
• The Panto Cast (so far) # 3

Jazzer doesn’t ‘get’ supermarkets

I think most of us can agree with Jazzer to one extent or another, but I’m finding it really hard to believe his claim that this was only the second time he’s been in charge of a trolley.

“Last time was selling dodgy video games door to door”

Mind you, maybe he meant he has been to a supermarket before, but he just used a basket. Or one of his many women to push his trolley, including his mum.

[Jazzer] “What’s the point of charging round a supermarket to queue up to buy stuff that you’ve got to spend hoors mucking about wae before you can eat it?”

[Jazzer] “They do great pies at the bull, or there’s the chippy van that does kebabs for a bit of variety – or the Indian and Chinese for a takeaway”

Ruth was left bemused at Jazzer’s indignation at having to buy, prepare and cook meals from scratch, as he marched off to persuade one of his wee lassies to let him buy his trolley load at the basket checkout. (well I never!)

I share Harry’s confusion at how Jazzer can treat his body so badly yet manage to pack in quite a busy day of work.

When’s it all going to catch up with him?



“The lessor spotted Scots pigman in a supermarket”

Ah, very drole Kenton (though it did make me chuckle!).

Kenton also spotted that Jazzer had chicken nuggets in his trolley, rightly then pointing out that it’s not exactly typical Harry nourishment.

Unless you can buy organic, free range, preservative/additive/colouring free chicken nuggets.



Proof that the BBC does not ‘make’ the archers

Jazzer was mentioning to Ruth his shock and horror of seeing Pip behind the wheel of a car. She seemingly nearly ran him off the road, being

“Faster than the Stig”

Would the BBC make mention of The Stig considering recent developments?

I think not.

(but then again, the more cynical amongst us might notice that Top Gear is building up to a new Stig and, if the BBC does make The Archers, Jazzer’s mention was some sort of publicity stunt. Hmmmmm)


Josh pimps Ben out

In an effort to get more ‘pennies for the guy’, Josh plonked Ben and The Guy in one spot, then hid round the corner.

With Ben just a wee young chap, they made a fortune!

Ruth and David didn’t seem to quite approve, but it shows a bit of cunning and could bode well for future sales at Brookfield.

I still think Pip can’t assume she’ll be the one to take over the family farm.


Bert came third

Despite Bert’s main competition being out of the running, Bert only came third in the overall ploughing championship.

Still, David and Ruth thinks is still a great result.

Good on you Bert.


David gets railroaded

You have to admire Lynda’s political manoeuvrings.

If she wants someone to do something, she’ll find a way of getting them to do it.

First she sets Vicky onto Mike (Mike gave in and is now in the Panto), now she sets herself onto David.

[Lynda] “I thought you might make it a family affair … pick up and drop off [Ben and Josh to rehearsals) anyway …what else could you do in such a short space of time?”

David’s poor attempt at saying he was too busy didn’t work. NFU paperwork was never going to be a good enough excuse for Lynda.

[David] “Oh good grief – why is it I can never say no to that woman?!?”

Never mind David. It’ll be a great laugh. Maybe at you, rather than with you …



Harry is not impressed

Harry gets home to find Jazzer has done the food shopping, but that he hasn’t put it away. The phone went, which helped Jazzer to forget about it.

What’s worse, Jazzer also hasn’t done a great job of the actual shopping.

[Harry] “Frozen pizzas … there’s a lot of crisps here”

[Jazzer] “You can never have too many potato backed snacks”

[Harry] “Processed meat …!”

[Jazzer] “Oh, this is great. My mum used to get it in tins and slice it up and fry it, but this is already sliced and battered. Genius or what!”

[Harry] “When I said get the 5 main food groups, I didn’t mean alcohol, chocolate, crisps, biscuits and cola …what about the fruit?”

[Jazzer] “It seemed a bit pricey … so I got blackcurrant cordial”

Jazzer then has to admit that he didn’t have the shopping list with him as he’d earlier used it to leave his mobile number for a “really fit bird”. As Jazzer said, maybe he should get some cards done …

Jazzer also didn’t get bleach because Harry is already blonde (so thought it must have been a mistake), and has invited in amazing chips which cook in seconds.

Despite all of that, Harry still didn’t even blow a fuse at Jazzer. He just left the flat to get to the Panto rehearsals half an hour early.

Come on Harry. As much as I like our Jazzer, he’s taking the utter rip out of you!



Harry is keen to be a girl

After escaping Jazzer by going early to rehearsals, Harry is found practising his lines by Lynda.

As she hears him read his lines as well as Dick’s, she has a light bulb moment, and offers Harry the part of Dick.

[Harry] “It’s meant to be played by a girl”

[Lynda] “Rules are meant for breaking – the secret to true creativity is flexibility”

And does Harry just jump at the chance! Good on him for stopping Lynda stalking every young woman in Ambridge. Even though she now had to recast Idle Jack:

But his eagerness with a bit off-putting.

There’s obviously nothing wrong with a bloke playing a bloke who should be played by a girl – but it’s yet another instance of Harry being overtly keen to get involved.

What is Harry all about?



“Fill one hole, and another takes it place”

So says Lynda, after casting Harry as Dick – which leaves no-one playing Idle Jack.

But yet again, Harry is a one-stop wonder.

“You really are riding to my rescue tonight”

Harry has an idea of how he can ask to be Idle Jack, which leads to …


“You big girl … on yer bike!”

I’m not sure why Harry thought Jazzer would be open to being in the Panto again, but it certainly wasn’t a good idea to try and make out that Jazzer should do it to make up for the disastrous shopping trip

[Harry] “I’m prepared to forget about the shopping incident …”

[Jazzer] “ Ah, very friendly oh ye pal … cheers”

[Harry] “… will you take my own part [Idle Jack]?”

[Jazzer] “Is this a wind up? Are you calling me idle because I forget your hair bleach, you big girl! On yer bike!”

Well, I suppose it was worth a shot.

It’s a shame, really. It’d be nice for Jazzer to have a wee singing part (after his extraordinary performance at Ambridge Has Talent).



Why is Kenton being so helpful?

The folks at The Bull can’t move for Kenton offering to help out.

This time, he’s bought well over £200 worth of fireworks for Bonfire night.

Even David is pleasantly surprised,

Kenton claims he just wants to “contribute”, and wants to make:

“an effort because it’s the first one without Sid, for Jolene and Fallon's sake … we should do him proud.”

Sorry? He’s doing all of this to make Sid proud?

That’s rubbish. They were hardly the best of pals when Sid was alive.

And doing it for Fallon and Jolene – that’s also rubbish. Friendly acquaintances yes, but hardly bosom buddies.

Surely this all has to be to impress Jamie.

Or Kathy???




The Panto Cast (so far) # 3

Jill: fairy beau bells

Vicky: Mrs Fitzwarren

Sabrina: Whittington’s cat

Nigel: Sarah the Cook (The Dame)

Harry: Dick Whittington

Richard Thwaite: King Rat

Nathan Booth: Rate Henchman 1

Eddie: Rat Henchman 2

Ben: little rat

Jim: The Imperial Majesty

David: Captain

Josh: First Mate

Robert and Neil constructing the sets

Daniel is helping with set and lighting

Mike: Mr Fitzwilliam

Which I think just leaves a lack of an Idle Jack and Alice.

Surely Lynda can now offer Eddie the part of Idle Jack.

And Alice – Fallon would jump at the chance to play across from Harry …

The Archers Wed 3rd Nov 2010: Lynda runs out of ideas!

The Archers: ‘customer service representatives’ of the world unite … Mike gets railroaded … Pat and Kathy go shopping .. Tony is still in a grump … Helen has twisted her knee … Shula doesn’t approve

• “The bare faced cheek of some people”
• Mike is still saying no
• Tony doesn’t have a pre-cooler
• Helen needs to realign her knee cap
• Lord Netherborne has had a fall
• Jim and Shula disagree yet again
• Mike say yes!
• “Cherry red suits either a boy or a girl”
• Ambridge has to be shamed into buying poppies
• Actually, Pat is right to be worried
• “Could bring those two giggly girls from Grand Spinney”

[Lynda] “The bare faced cheek of some people”

[Vicky] “Some people want bells on it, don’t they!”

[Lynda] “She’s the type that takes all the toiletries home”

And there, my friends, speaks the true voice of those of us who have to work with customers.

It’s also true with waiters.

Never, ever, be anything other than polite to them.


Mike is still saying no

And so is Kirsty.

But a determined Lynda sets Vicky back onto Mike again.

And we all know what happens when Vicky wants Mike to do something …




Tony doesn’t have a pre-cooler

Which he seemingly should have on his bulk tank. Which sounded like something to do with milking cows.

And of course, it’s all Tom’s fault.

Not because he forgot to buy a pre-cooler, or was in sole charge of the bulk tank – but because they’d never have noticed that they were bereft of a pre-cooler is Tom hadn’t been undertaking:

[Tony] “that blessed energy audit!”

Do we think Tony is transferring his anger/confusion/terror about Helen’s pregnancy onto Tom?


Helen needs to realign her knee cap

Ouch!

Penny Sansom (who looked at Helen’s knee, is seemingly very good, and does the same great job for the County’s cricket team) has confirmed that Helen’s knee is twisted.

Helen now has leg exercises to do,

But. To her absolute horror, she also has to give up step and aerobics.

Blimey.

Surely just carrying around that baby is enough? Maybe with a gentle stroll once in a while?!?


Lord Netherborne has had a fall

So Caroline has rushed off to nurse him.

Caroline and Oliver have been very quiet of late.

is that the call of inheritance …???



Jim and Shula disagree yet again

On the subject of Lord Netherborne,

“I hope he fares better at the hands of his niece than I did with my daughter-in-law”

Jim still hasn’t forgiven Shula for her treatment of him when he broke his leg.

Those two are destined to forever rub each other up the wrong way.

Most of it was before my time – but I do know that Shula was the lady to like back in the day.

Did that really all end when Mark was killed?

Anyway, Shula is now the lady to disapprove of anything remotely a bit edgy. In fact, she disapproves of even the most seemingly innocuous things.

Shula doesn’t want to get involved with Jim’s Race Evening. Even though it was supposed to be in aid of St Stephen’s.

Jim reckons it’s because Shula disapproves of gambling at a charity event. But has Shula been back to Ste Stephen’s since she fell out with Alan over Usha’s religious statue?

But, Shula isn’t the only one to approve of gambling in aid of the church. So Jim has had to change it into a fundraiser for the British Legion. And the race evening is taking place mid-week, after the Brownies.

How completely inoffensive could it get?

Even then, Shula still not in favour. Maybe it doesn’t help that there’s a bar (which Vicky is most happy about).

[Jim] “The way some of her ilk have been going on – you’d think I’d suggested a barn dance in the graveyard”

At which, Lynda gives a sudden gasp.

It isn’t in horror at the thought of dancing on graves, it’s because she an idea which will make a certain man do her bidding …


Mike say yes

Oh, Mike said yes!

Poor man didn’t stand a chance.

When Lynda had her brainwave to include a dance number, he couldn’t say anything other than ‘yes’ to being in the panto.

I think we’d all do the same if we had Vicky snapping at our heels.

Mike could hardly refuse a dance with his (still fairly new) wife. And it is probably easier to give in when you actually have to live with Vicky.



“Cherry red suits either a boy or a girl”

So says Helen. So it must be so.

As Pat is out shopping with Kathy, she spots a baby jumpsuit for Helen’s baby.

Thank goodness at least one of Helen’s family is now genuinely happy for her, and excited about her baby.



Ambridge has to be shamed into buying poppies

What on earth? How very dare Ambridge not behave and do exactly as a respectable English village should.

Go on Jim. Put those poppies next to the till in the Village Shop. Shame them all!


Actually, Pat is right to be worried

I thought Pat might have just been being hyper-sensitive to Helen and her eating habits because it is Helen … and eating.

But, I think she might have a point.

Helen is utterly obsessed with calories and exercise.

She wouldn’t entertain a jacket potato to go with her stir fry ( a stir fry she’d already made and eaten for lunch, didn’t finish, and was going to reheat again for her tea).

And because she can’t do all the exercise she wants to (due to her twisted ankle), Helen reckons:

“I’ll have to eat less now that I’m not burning off the calories”

Now that is worrying.

It would seem that as Helen’s baby is growing inside her body, she’s doing her best to minimise her body growing.

That can’t be good for either mum or baby.




“Could bring those two giggly girls from Grand Spinney”

Lynda is getting desperate for her leading ladies.

In her desperation, she even suggests to Vicky that she could:

“Cut the songs and offer the part to Sabrina”

[Vicky] “You’d have a mutiny on your hands!”

Apart from it being Sabrina that would cause the mutiny, Vicky quite rightly asks:

“What sort of panto would it be if the main character didn't sing?”

Dismissing Vicky’s suggestion that Sabrina could just mime, Lynda realises that she’s fast running out of options.

However, despite her desperation, Lynda simply won’t audition “unknowns”.

The very idea! How would we cope with folks we don’t know being in the panto? I mean, there could even be ones not from Ambridge.

The very idea!

Lynda also cuts down her options by also ruling out offering parts to Felpersham Light Opera Society.

That would offend Tristran Hawkshaw. Who both Lynda and Vicky agree is:

“Larry Lovell’s’ mini me”

(eh? Who he???)

Fallon is also not an option as she has so much to deal with (damn it! I have £10 on her)

“I’m usually such a creative problem solver, but I really have run out of ideas”

Oh, the gods do weep.

Come on Lyndee!

The Archers Tues 2nd November 2010: Helen tells Emma how to have a baby

The Archers: Will isn’t a fan of dog walkers … Will and Eddie argue ... Helen instructs Emma ... Lilian annoys Brian

• Do we think Will was polite?
• Helen cured Emma’s morning sickness
• Young Farmer’s Ball: The Bloodbath
• Helen won’t be going to The Ball
• Lilian surveys her domain
• “You pillock!” …. “LOSER!!!”
• “She means well”
• “I’m all in favour of cutting out the fags and drink … but .. well …”

Do we think Will was polite?

Brian didn’t quite believe it, and neither do I.

Does anyone think Will told those dog walkers to keep their dogs on the lead in a polite manner?

Course not.

Cast your mind back to last year’s shoot, when Will was quite rude to a customer.

He’s not one to use subtlety, and I doubt he’s ever been on a customer care course.

I think Brian’s onto an utter loss trying to teach Will about ‘word of mouth’.

With Brian placing such a huge emphasis on the forthcoming shoot (bookings are down, so they need to impress those who do spend their money with them), I think Will is about to create huge problems for himself.

What a short fuse …


Helen cured Emma’s morning sickness

Or so Emma thinks Helen thinks she did (!).

Poor Emma is being plagued by a rather enthusiastic and very knowledgeable Helen.

Emma shouldn’t be surprised that Helen doesn’t register the fact that Emma has already had a child. She was just as quick to dismiss Kathy and Pat’s advice.

Still, Helen does have her uses. With that cream, I’m sure Emma will be delighted to have fewer stress marks.

I did feel sorry for Emma as she got lost amongst all of Helen’s rather rigid plans for how her baby is going to be born.

Helen has a birth plan, involving low lighting, music and a water birth. Helen isn’t going to have painkillers. She’s going to get a Tens Machine (which is seemingly a Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulator. So there!).

Hiring a tens machine

Emma is just going to give birth.

[Emma] “Mind you, it’s worth keeping your options open …’til you’ve been there, you don’t know how painful it’s going to be”

[Helen] “I a high pain threshold”

Helen really doesn’t want to hear that her giving birth isn’t going to be anything other than as she’s perfectly planned.

“It often goes different to what you’d expect”

Oh dear Emma. It’s probably best that you don’t burst Helen’s deeply considered and constructed bubble.



Young Farmer’s Ball: The Bloodbath

Emma bought tickets from Pip for her and Ed.

On checking Clarrie to see if she can babysit, she finds out that Will and Nic have already nabbed her to babysit for them.

Because they’re both also going to the Ball.

Booze plus Will and Ed in the same room.

Oh dear. Oh dearie, dearie me.


Helen won’t be going to The Ball.

Helen almost ‘guffawed’ when Emma asked her if she was going:

“No … not me!”

If Emma really knew Helen, she’d know that Helen’s perfect night is one spent in her flat, with wine (well, not now), chocolate (hmm, not now) and a DVD (that’s got to still be okay?!?).

The last time Helen had a proper night out was when she met Leon. Poor lass has been well and truly scared back into her flat.

At least pushing the baby’s buggy will get her out (though I still think a dog would have sufficed).


Lilian surveys her domain

Brian’s getting irritated with Lilian. And that’s even before they have their first board meeting.

Taking Lilian round the site for the mart, he’s annoyed she wants to stop to take pictures. Astounded she wants to use a Dictaphone. And a tad put out that she only wants the board on “neutral ground”.

Never mind Brian.

With Annabelle, Martin and Andrew also on the board, Lilian’s “darlings” are going to sound increasingly desperate.


“You pillock” …. “LOSER”

Ah. The Grundy boys are being as eloquent as ever.

This time, Will’s blocking the lane while he’s working. Ed needs to get by. Last time it was Ed blocking the lane. Will was trying to get by.

Will seems to have forgotten that he was an arse to Ed when his cows were on the road. And Ed has forgotten how furious he was with Will when he was being an arse when his cows were on the road.

[Will] “You pillock – I’ve got birds round here … I’m not going to stop what I’m doing cause of some idiot revving …have a bit of patience”

[Will, on Ed saying he was busy so had to get by] “Oh … well, inside I’m crying”

[Ed] “If you don’t move it, you will be crying!”

[Will] “Your cows make a right mess up here – clean up after them”

[Ed] “Are you feeling alright … LOSER!”

Ed than later said to Emma:

“It’s the expression it does … it gets me mad before he even opens his mouth”

Who was it said that blood is thicker than women?!?


“She means well”

And that’s the dichotomy that is our Ed Grundy.

He can generally find the good in folks, but absolutely not his own brother.

[Emma on Helen] “She really needs to chill out”

[Ed] “She means well”

[Emma] “I tried to tell her – but she’s got it all under control”

[Ed] “That baby won’t dare give her a hard time!”

And Ed also shows why Emma chose the right brother (in the end)

“The mother of my baby … you’d look gorgeous in an old feed sack”

Aw. Bless ya.


“I’m all in favour of cutting out the fags and drink … but .. well …”

Isn’t it fascinating when two extremes clash.

There’s Lilian managing to just about understand than an expectant mother shouldn’t smoke or drink (“there days”) – and in the other corner, it’s Helen doing step aerobics while pregnant.

Helen’s knee isn’t in great shape, due to a fall she took during one of her many exercise routines.

Lilian’s right to be a bit concerned.

There’s being fit and healthy, and there’s being obsessive.

But where else would we expect Helen to sit on that spectrum.

The Archers Mon 1st Nov 2010: The discovery of Race Evenings

The Archers: Bridge Farm uses too much electricity … The Village Shop’s cabbages are looking past their prime … Hilary Noakes’ magazine is missing … Jim’s fundraising … Lynda still has Panto casting problems … Tom’s not helping … Tony still doesn’t want to be a granddad

• “You can’t always trust averages”
• Jim “whizzed” through the videos
• “Did Mr Wilder or Alfred Hitchcock have the same problems …”
• Jim’s extensive research
• “The erudite contacts one make”
• Tom tells Pip “not to bother”
• Watch out David, there’s a Lynda about
• Helen’s blooming
• But Helen’s baby is already kicking out against her

“You can’t always trust averages”

Is Tony ever positive or happy about anything these days?

Tom’s trying to save the family farm some money, yet Tony’s immediate reaction is akin to ‘pah!’ – then, when he realises Tom will do all the work to sort out energy use savings – it’s “go fill your boots”.

Looks like we’re in for a lot of Bridge Farm tussles leading up to Tony’s retirement.


Jim “whizzed” through the videos

But didn’t find anything unsavoury.

From the box that Alan was gifted, it seems that there’s lots of classic films (Lynda seemingly adores ‘Some Like It Hot), and also some rather off videos of horse races.

“Curiouser and curiouser”, said Lynda

Seemingly, the horse races are of privately run races which no-one knows the outcome of, so that people can run race evenings.

(it took me a while to get it – but I think it means they can run the race, then later show it an event where everyone can gamble on the race without it being run in front of them).

And it’s all given Jim a bit of an idea.

He’s going to put on a race evening in aid of St Stephens.

That sounds like a good idea. There surely couldn’t be any problems arising from such a simple, altruistic idea.

Could there?



“Did Mr Wilder or Alfred Hitchcock have the same problems …”

Well, no.

No director has ever had the same hoo-ha with casting as Lynda does.

She needs to find a young woman who can sing AND dance.

Phew. That’s a fairly tall order indeed.

But I really can’t help thinking that Lynda should be well ‘rehearsed’ in the rather mixed bag of fortunes that is the Christmas panto.

She’s a woman who gets a shock from something she is fully aware of beforehand.


Jim’s extensive research

True to form, Jim’s thrown himself into his panto part of Imperial Majesty.

He’s seemingly undertaking:

“extensive research into 14th century japan where the Emperor Godiva [hmmm – not sure I got that name right. Sorry Jim!] was briefly restored into power”

Boy oh boy. The Panto is shaping up to be a real educational night out for the whole family.

We just need a full cast.


“The erudite contacts one makes”

Which one of the reasons Jim rates higher education.

“Learn for learning’s sake … enriching one’s life simply by the acquisition of knowledge”

As Tom pointed out, the days of free education and a job for life are well and truly history.

As much as I loathe disagreeing with Tom’s Sausages, he does have a point that maybe the young ‘uns of today have to be a tad more practical when it comes to a livelihood.


Tom tells Pip “not to bother”

How very astute and helpful of you Tom!

Pip’s umming about whether to go to College or Uni, so Tom sticks his oar in by suggesting she just forgets both.

His great plan is for Pip to go straight into farming at Brookfield. If they can afford to it going to pay her.

Tom does have a point that it costs a fair amount of money (translated into debt) to get an education these days, but surely he should be encouraging Pip to look at all options, rather than tell her what’s what.

David and Ruth aren’t going to be too chuffed when they hear cousin Tom’s advice to their wee lass …

I also think there’s no certainty that Pip will be able to make a living at Brookfield. There’s the rather eager young farmer Josh to also think about (and we haven’t even started in Ben as yet!)



Watch out David, there’s a Lynda about

Very dangerous.

Lynda. At Panto time. With a half casted cast.

“I have the ideal part of David Archer … he’s perfectly adequate … he can be the ship’s captain to Josh's best mate … he has to bring josh and ben to rehearsal anyway”

Oh dear.

That’ll be David in the Panto then, whether he wants to or not. Even if he’s just ‘adequate’.


Helen’s blooming

And looking great, according to Kenton.

Helen is also overjoyed to have a new ‘stretch mark oil’ in Ambridge Organics.

My word. The detail that woman gets down to.



But Helen’s baby is already kicking out against her

Well, that didn’t take long.

I was expecting at least another 12 years before Helen’s kid started to try and loosen the bonds that bind.

Helen’s obviously delighted that her baby is well and fighting fit.

And so is Pat.

But Tony still hasn’t succumbed.

[Helen] “Dad, don’t you want to feel the baby?”

[Tony] “ No … you finish their lunch”

Giving a rubbish excuse about not wanting to put his hands on Helen’s stomach because women must get fed up with their stomach’s being felt, Tony still isn’t having anything to do with Helen’s solo motherhood’s efforts.

And there was me thinking that Helen’s baby kicking would melt Tony’s heart.

What’s it going to take?

The Archers Sun 31st Oct 2010: The first Panto rehearsal & Halloween at The Bull

The Archers: Lynda stresses ... so does Freda ... Jolene seems happy ... Kenton is helpful

• So it begins …
• Black balloons and Monster mash
• Kenton and Fallon?
• Ambridge has gone ‘little black dress’ crazy!
• Panto *snort* moments #2
• Lynda forgives easily
• Harry wins again
• “Bonfire night was always one of Sid’s big nights”
• The Panto cast (so far) #2

So it begins …

The Panto rehearsals begin in earnest, with Lynda being very earnest indeed.

[Lynda] “So any questions, comments criticisms …”

[Nigel] “That’s very brave Lynda!”

[Lynda] “ … I was just joking”

I’m not sure why Lynda outs herself through this (almost) every year, as she gets so tense.

She’s stressed about Nigel having to leave early. Josh being late. Vicky being a bit dim.

[Lynda] “Oh dear. This will be Oscar’s first theatrical experiences and the highlights of Coriander’s stay”

Phew! That’s a lot to ask of a village Panton Lynda.

Maybe slim down those expectations a wee bit?


Black balloons and Monster mash

It must be Halloween at The Bull.

Jolene seems to be well and truly ‘perking’ up.

(sorry)

She refuses the hat and cloak, but is happy to don the gloves and glittery make-up.

Is our Jolene back for good?



Kenton and Fallon?

Just a passing thought, but Kenton does seem ever so keen to help with The Bull.

I know that might be because he wants to prove himself to Jamie.

Or that he might bump into Kathy (possibly)?

But you just never know with Kenton


Ambridge has gone ‘little black dress’ crazy!

Yesterday, Nigel was trying to get Elizabeth into hers.

Today it’s Fallon encouraging Jolene.



Panto *snort* moments #2

[Nigel] “I can stick the sausages in”

[Lynda] “Puts one sausage into each other of Idle jack’s hands”

[Vicky] “Waiting for one of them to get the pie in their face”

Lynda forgives easily

After Vicky being a bit of a bad mate when she sided with Brian over the Peregrines, I’d have thought Lynda would have given her the frosty treatment for weeks to come.

But all Vicky had to do was (a) be completely oblivious to Lynda being angry at her and (b) mention ’tactics’ in relation to the Panto.

Lynda was right in there!



Harry wins again

Despite Kenton making such an effort, and Frieda being in a “Simon Cowell mood”, Harry wins the prize for best costume.

Jazzer at least had a go (by splashing tomato sauce on his shirt … which actually could have just been because Jazzer hadn’t changed his shirt from the night before). And I actually think dressing as a Hammer Horror monster shows a great taste in horror film (hurrah to 1970s horrors, ya-booo to modern slasher ones).

After a deeply tense moment:

“If daylight doesn’t kill us, the suspense will…”

As per usual, it’s Harry who ‘wows’ the crowds. Jazzer seemingly said he looked:

“like a cross between Pete Docherty and a supply teacher he once locked in a stationery cupboard”

(Fallon “Well I think you look dreamy”. Oh for goodness sake Fallon – just ask him out for a cup of tea and an iced bun already!)

Quite surprised that Freda (the sole judge) chose Harry

“I think she’d more into knitting patterns than twilight books”,

Kenton was more concerned that Jamie hadn’t been at the party.

Ah, poor Kenton.

It’s a lesson learned very late in life, but he might have at last got the point that actions have consequences.

Especially the ones involving sex.



“Bonfire night was always one of Sid’s big nights”

Oh.

Maybe Jolene isn’t quite over Sid yet.

Are we going to remember the 5th of November?


The Panto cast (so far) #2

Jill: fairy beau bells

Vicky: Mrs Fitzwarren

Sabrina: Whittington’s cat

Nigel: Sarah the Cook (The Dame)

Harry: Idle Jack

Richard Thwaite: King Rat

Nathan Booth: Rate Henchman 1

Eddie: Rat Henchman 2

Jim: The Imperial Majesty

(but still no Dick or Alice!)

Robert and Neil constructing the sets

Daniel is helping with set and lighting

And Vicky is going to work on getting Mike to act (“It’s be great fun getting to play husband and wife”)

But still looking for two leading ladies …

Fallon? For

“A girl who can really belt out big numbers for the part of Dick”

Brenda as her lady love?

The Archers Fri 29th Oct 2010: The Panto auditions

The Archers: the Odd Couple’s House meeting … it’s ‘no’ to the Peregrines … Eddie doesn’t want to be a rat …Nigel does want to be a Dame … Elizabeth just isn’t any fun at all

• Jazzer and Harry’s house meeting
• Lynda’s hoping for dead pigeons
• Panto *snort* moments #1
• “How come he gets to be the dame?”
• “I know who Van Helsing is … I just didn’t realise he looked like Nigel”
• “I’ve got more to worry about than your irrational hatred of Nathan booth”
• Does smoking out of the window count?
• The Panto cast (so far) #1

Jazzer and Harry’s house meeting

That seemed to go quite well.

£20 for the kitty, and Jazzer agrees to do a bit of cleaning.

Could this Odd Couple actually work out?

Later on, Jazzer even says to Harry, as he’s off out clubbing:

“Sweet dreams darling … don’t wait up”

(*snort*! He did say that sarcastically)


Panto *snort* moments #1

[Jazzer to Harry] “Off you, go trixi bell”

[Harry to Jazzer] “Titchy dwarf”

[Eddie on Sabrina being a cat] “Pussy galore?”

[Lynda in reply to the above] “No. .. Tom”

[Eddie, still on about Sabrina being a cat] “She can tickle your whiskers any day, eh Nigel!”

Lynda’s hoping for dead pigeons

It was a ‘no’ to the Peregrines, so Lynda is fuming and wishing dead matter falls on all the naysayers heads.

Ah that Lynda. You can always depend on her to be magnanimous in defeat.


“How come he gets to be the Dame?”

Poor Eddie.

He read for Idle Jack, but has ended up a Rat.

Well, Second rat.

Actually Rat Henchman Two.

With Nathan Booth as Rat Henchman One.

And Richard Thwaite as King Rat.

Eddie was desperately trying to get Nigel to give him the Dame part (but Nigel was increasingly quite taken with the idea … it sounded like he was even already planning some nice frocks).

Ah well.

It’s the taking part that counts.


“I know who Van Helsing is … I just didn’t realise he looked like Nigel”

Kenton’s making a real effort for The Bull’s Halloween party tomorrow. Which seems to involve wearing all of Nigel’s clothes in an effort to be Van Helsing.

Elizabeth seems quite bemused at Kenton and Nigel acting like two wee laddies setting off on guising.

Actually, when was the last time Elizabeth actually had any fun at all (apart from when Nigel goes all out to surprise her).

Does she ever just relax and enjoy?

Even her wee quip to Kenton sounded flat and a bit like nagging, when said by anyone else it would have been witty:

“When you do [go out with Nigel] … bring Nigel back in the realm of the living”

“I’ve got more to worry about than your irrational hatred of Nathan Booth”

[Eddie to Lynda] “It’s not irrational … you can ask anyone!”

[Lynda to Eddie] “I’m sure you and Nathan could come to an amicable working relationship”

Hmmm.

Lynda’s not listening to Eddie, and Eddie isn’t listening to Lynda.

“If you were such a great actor, Eddie, you’d be able to empathise”

I think you could both do with a bit of empathy Lynda.




Does smoking out of the window count?

Ah, that’s more like it.

Harry’s not amused that Jazzer has been smoking in the flat.

But Jazzer reckons he hasn’t been. As he was leaning out of the window at the time. And he was also doing it in his own room, which he pays for.

[Jazzer] “I’ve done everything else you wanted … I’ve sat through your meetings … paid for the kitty … even cleaned up”

And, Harry admitted that he couldn’t even smell the smoke. He’d noticed Jazzer hanging out of the window on his way back to the flat.

I’m with Jazzer on this one.



The Panto cast (so far) #1

Jill: fairy beau bells

Vicky: Mrs Fitzwarren

Sabrina: Whittington’s cat

Nigel: Sarah the Cook (The Dame)

Harry: Idle Jack

Richard Thwaite: King Rat

Nathan Booth: Rate Henchman 1

Eddie: Rat Henchman 2

Jim: The Imperial Majesty

(but still no Dick or Alice!)

The Archers Thurs 28th Oct 2010: Kate’s upsetting Ruari

The Archers: the world revolves around Kate … Jennifer is still on about Alice’s marriage … David’s a man in demand … Bert’s not a happy chappy … Ruari thinks he’d done something wrong

• “I knew this would happen when she married Christopher”
• Ruari’s gingerbread man is angry
• Kate can’t even look after Ruari for 15 minutes
• Bert only has an hour …
• Wheat causes chaffing
• I hope that cow is okay
• Aw, wee Ruari
• Kate apologises!
• Pip’s new man

“I knew this would happen when she married Christopher”

Jennifer’s still very grumpy about Alice deciding to come back home to Felpersham to do her masters.

I’d agree with Jennifer that Alice would indeed be:

“narrowing her horizons”

if I for a moment, believed that Jennifer had actually taken the time to see if Felpersham was as dire for engineering as she suspects it to be.

This is nothing to do with the quality of College’s.

It’s purely Jennifer still being a snob about Chris. Still!


Ruairi’s gingerbread man is angry

Oh dear.

Aren’t proper alarm bells supposed to start ringing when a child creates ‘angry’ stuff like paintings? Or even gingerbread men?!?


Kate can’t even look after Ruairi for 15 minutes

First Kate automatically thinks Jennifer is stressing about her (when it’s Alice), then she can’t look after Ruari for a few moments to let Jennifer dash off on one her mini missions (to post a few letters).

“We are supposed to be a family”

Kate retorts that she thought Jennifer didn’t want her to interfere with Rurai, and that there’s always hell to pay when anyone jerks Ruairi’s routine out of kilter.

Which is true.

What’s fine for Kate is when it’s fine for Kate.

But also what’s fine for Jennifer is when it’s fine for Jennifer.

Is there something there about an apple never falling far from the tree?


Bert only has an hour …

… before he’s disqualified from his ploughing match.

Something’s broken, David needs to rush a new part down to Bert, but David seems to be getting interrupted at every turn.

David does eventually make it in time, but Bert only cam 6th (as he was all a fluster).

Will this really cost Bert the championship?


Wheat causes chaffing

According to David, the rise in the price of wheat has been a savour.

But it’s not quite had the same positive effect for Adam and Debbie.

They’ve seemingly had a row over Debbie demanding that Adam sell in a hurry, which turned out to be just before the price rocketed.

Oh dear. Setup for a family Christmas day row?


I hope that cow is okay

Didn’t that sound nasty?

One of David and Ruth cows went down with milk fever, which resulted in her being unconscious.

Some nifty work by Ruth and Pip seemed to do the trick, but I hope we do get updated.


Aw, wee Ruairi

After hearing the stooshie between Jennifer and Kate over Kat being a selfish besom, poor wee Ruairi thinks it’s all his fault.

Despite still nurturing a very odd accent, Rurai is such a toots. And a sensitive one to boot.

Has Brian Aldridge really fathered such a child?


Kate apologises!

But only after Jennifer apologised first. So I reckon that cancels it out.

Phew. Will Jennifer ever realise that Kate should have had a bloomin’ good clip round the ear many a moon ago?

Still, at least Kate is now going to help with Ruari’s birthday party.

What could possibly go wrong?!?


Pip’s new man

Well, not really, but David and Ruth certainly want him to be.

Some chap called Lucan has asked Pip to be his partner at the Young Farmer’s dinner dance.

Queue David and Ruth giggling like school girls.

David also had to mention ‘Juuude’

*shudder*

Lucan is more than welcome to woo our young Pip, but he shall be chased out with pick forks if he turns out to be like that other awful young man.

The Archers Wed 27th Oct 2010: Jamie has nae mates

The Archers: Jazzer still isn't tidy ... Jill joins the computer lessons ... Kathy and Jamie row ... Kathy and Pat drink wine

• “How Jazzer can drive the milk van safely is beyond me”
• Why was Fallon so affronted?
• “You have to be firm with him – he’ll come back wagging his tail anyway”
• Harry’s got a threesome
• Shandy!
• Peggy really wants a bit of Con
• “not everything is about you”
• First mention of Christmas shopping

“How Jazzer can drive the milk van safely is beyond me”

Harry is discovering that Jazzer doesn’t need much sleep.

“He’s like a shark … and I still can’t get him to do the washing up”

Well, come on now Harry – when was the last time you saw a Shark get a pair of rubber gloves on?!?


Why was Fallon so affronted?

After Harry telling Fallon all about Jazzer’s habits, Fallon was utterly seething.

So, Jazzer is a shark that won’t go near marigolds. So, Jazzer leaves his dirty clothes in a bin next to the toilet. So, Harry feels:

“dirtier after I come out of the bathroom than when I went in”

What’s any of that to Fallon?

She gets so het up, demanding Harry creates a rota (oh my giddy aunt!), that even Harry remarks:

“Blimey – it’s a good job he didn’t move in with you!”

I think Fallon is increasingly falling for Mr Harry Mason’s charms, so sees any insult on his honour (well … his flat), as a slight on her.


“You have to be firm with him – he’ll come back wagging his tail anyway”

Just following on from Fallon’s odd behaviour over Jazzer’s lack of domestic skills, what on earth was she on about when she said the above?

Has Jazzer ever wagged his tail?

Or, does this give us more insight into Fallon maybe not being the all-round good lass that we think her to be.

Has she just been treating mean/keeping keen Jazzer all these years?


Harry’s got a threesome

And wasn’t it nice of Peggy to share him with Jill.

But to be serious – I found it lovely to eavesdrop in on Peggy and Jill having a chat.

It was like coming in from a horrible winter’s storm (anyone shouting at each other in Ambridge) to a lovely warm fire, with a wee toddy close to hand.

But, it was sad to hear  Jill mention that she might go to the Panton auditions because

“it would be nice to be involved in over Christmas”

The first Christmas without Phil. Here’s hoping Jill’s family don’t forget she’ll need that extra bit of festive TLC.


Shandy!

What’s wrong with Jamie?

Come on – shandy, two (TWO!) pepperoni pizzas, a Hawaiian pizza, chips and dips (which I really hope Kathy meant actual chips, cause it’d have been ‘crisps’ otherwise).

There’s a right teenage riot setup for you!

But of course, it isn’t cool if mum made it happen.

So we’re back to bad communication between Kathy and Jamie yet again.

Kathy said Jamie could have his mates over. He grunted. She assumes. He grunts again. She makes an effort. He’s still grunting. She shouts. He goes out.

I though Kathy was making a bit too much out of Jamie having nae mates – but it’s typical of her seeing everything he does as an attack on her, rather than it just being his life.

Poor chap had to go over Fallon’s to watch DVDs to escape his mum, and exactly because he has next to no mates.

I’d almost feel sorry for the wee lout …



Peggy really wants a bit of Con

As Jill and Peggy silver surf the internet, Peggy is once again on about her long lost American GI Con.

My word. We are keen!

With Harry’s help, Peggy has worked out Con’s old army unit, and has sent email to his veterans association.

“I suppose it is easier than ever to track someone down”

Uh-huh.

It’s also called ‘stalking’

At least Peggy does mention that she’ll tell Con about Jack (though it didn’t sound like it’d be in the context of ‘I’m already taken).

And there is something nice about Peggy acting like a teenage girl, checking her emails every day in case of a reply.

Kinda scary, but kinda cute as well.


“not everything is about you”

Hurrah Pat!

Well said, if you were a bit tardy in saying it. Months ago would have been perfect.

After not being able to get the extra pizzas into her freezer, Kathy invites Pat over.

Alongside the moaning and groaning from Kathy, I think Pat actually made a breakthrough:”

“He’s a teenager Kathy … they have mood …  not everything is about you or Kenton or even his dad”

“You’re his mother you’ll never do anything right”

“Perhaps you should spend a bit of time on yourself”

While, seconds later, resulted in Kathy saying

“If Jamie doesn’t want to spend time with me, I may as well spend time on myself!”

Yikes! Is Kathy moving on? Letting go? About to have fun?

For starters, Pat and her are going to take a whole afternoon off to go shopping.

Phew!

First mention of Christmas shopping

As  much as I love Ambridge, that wasn’t fair or right.

The Archers Tues 26th Oct 2010: The Clash of the Titans (over Peregrines)

The Archers: Roll up for the Panto! … Ed and Vicky still not speaking … Vicky's a traitor ... Will's paranoid

• Nigel says yes, Mike says no, Ed says no on behalf of Emma
• “All in all, I’ve failed at everything”
• “I’m expecting Brian to be quite vociferous”
• Hey, there, psycho Will ..
• Odds on Amy delivering Helen and/or Emma’s babies?
• “I’ll have you out of your cabin, spitting teeth, before you know it”
• “Do partridges really live in pear trees?”

Nigel says yes, Mike says no, Ed says no on behalf of Emma

Yup, it’s most definitely Panto audition time again.

And there’s no escape this year, what with Lynda volunteering in the Village Shop.

Folks can’t move for Lynda strong arming them to be a donkey when they were just after a pint of milk.

(I know, there probably even isn’t a donkey in Dick Wittington…

Lynda is especially sad to hear that Mike won’t be auditioning:

“But he made such a superlative dame last time!”

*shudder*


“All in all, I’ve failed at everything”

As much as Vicky does irritate, I do believe her when she says she was only trying to contribute (in Mike’s business).

Neither her nor Ed are speaking to each other (a little unsold veal goes a long way indeed), but I don’t think Ed really noticed. He has other, more brutal, enemies to consider …

At least Lynda tried to cheer her up:

“You tried to improve the lot of those poor animals … one can’t always succeeded you know”

Quite right, but I must admit I fail to understand how keeping those bull calves to be killed for veal was any better than them being killed almost after birth.


“I’m expecting Brian to be quite vociferous”

So said Lynda prior to the meeting about the Peregrines, while asking Vicky to come along to support her.

Later on, Lynda wishes she’d never even mentioned her birds to Vicky

Sparring with Brian before even either of them put their case for (Lynda) or against (Brian) the Peregrine nesting platform, Lynda even put to boot into Will

“No need to wait [for Will] … we’re going to hear with his master’s voice anyway”

The argument in short:

Lynda:

“Should be honoured … wonderful species chosen Ambridge”

(on the aesthetic impact) “nesting platform will be crafted and entirely removable”

(on bits of dead things falling on churchgoers bonnets) “It will be on the east side of the tower”

“Two peregrines aren’t going to make the difference”

Brian

(who generally stressed the importance of the village shoot – for jobs, other businesses, and nature. Fair enough, but don’t think those pheasants will agree)

“Profligate killers – don’t even eat all of their kill”

“What about the bird hide?” (and the birds at it)

Other folks also chipped in:

[Nigel] “ Instead of seeing them as a threat … creating balance in the ecosystem”

[Nigel] “Peregrines take their prey in flight” (so are little danger to the shoot birds)

[Vicky] “I have a pole feeder”

(*chuckle*)

[Vicky] “What about the birds in my garden – will they be killed as well?”

(*glare* just listen properly, Vicky)

In the end, it was hard to tell exactly who won the argument:

[Brian] “I’m not suggesting should be shot out of the sky …”

[Lynda] “ … unlike your pheasants”

[Lynda] “You’re protecting your assets”

[Brian] “And in the process doing a great deal to support the nature environment … contribution the shoot makes to biodiversity”

Lynda certainly didn’t feel she’d won over Brian, and felt quite betrayed by Vicky’s turncoat from supporter to opponent.

Lynda didn’t even want to walk home with Vicky. Fancy that.


Hey, there, psycho Will …

… revving up the lane to scare Ed’s cows

(sing the above to “Georgy Girl” by The Seekers)

Oh that Will is just beyond the joke now.

Unless Ed was being as cheeky as Will thinks (which I don’t think he was), Will is super aggressive, super angry and supper paranoid.

Would Ed really have let the cows into the lane because he saw Will driving up?

Would Ed really care whether he made Will late/have to wait?

[Ed] “get over yourself …you’re a joke … grow up”

[Will] “I ain't got time for you and your childish games”

It’s all in your mind, Will.

All in that rather terrifyingly furious mind.

Odds on Amy delivering Helen and/or Emma’s babies?

According to Alan, Amy has applied for a midwife job at Felpersham General’s Women’s unit.

I reckon she’ll either deliver one, both, or will be on-hand for a fraught unplanned home birth.


“I’ll have you out of your cabin, spitting teeth, before you know it”

Will’s behaviour most definitely did not go unchecked by Ed.

“Don’t. You. Ever. Do. That. Again”

After meeting Will’s aggression with aggression, Ed actually manages to get Will to back down.

But then pushes beyond his advantage when I think he should have walked away.

That last dig will only have only made Will more determined to get even more revenge …


“Do partridges really live in pear trees?”

Ah Vicky.

You are a bit annoying.

But you can be quite funny (on purpose) sometimes.

Just make try and not wind up Will about Ed and Emma having a baby.

I really don’t think he cares who he hits …

The Archers Mon 25th Oct 2010: Alice at Felpersham?

The Archers: Brian has to deal with Lilian and Kate … Pip’s buying a dress … Alice has plans

• Brian is grumping about Lilian
• Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement
• Poor Ruari didn’t get to Apple Day
• “Can’t you just give me the money”
• Only 10 tickets left
• Pip off to Uni
• Ruth has a stubborn cow
• “Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”
• The great debate

Brian is grumping about Lilian

And she hasn’t even done anything wrong.

All Lilian is doing is trying to make sure she’s properly informed for the new mart business.

Now that’s not the attitude to start with, Mr Aldridge!


Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement

When did that happen?

I’ll bet Roy is a happy man.


Poor Rurai didn’t get to Apple Day

How very dare Kate not take Ruari to Apple Day at Lower Loxely. Especially after all that fuss she made about Jennifer not letting Ruari stay up for Harvest Supper.

[Jennifer] “As if she ever listens”

Hmmm. As if you ever tell her outright, Jennifer.


“Can’t you just give me the money”

Well, it must happen to all mums.

Their teenage kid doesn’t want to be seen shopping with them (or at all in public).

Jamie’s being his usual ‘whatever’ self, but Kathy doesn’t seem to get the hint.

The poor lad is dragged round the shops, regardless that he’s blatantly unhappy to do so.

Kathy’s also now trying to keep Jamie close by letting him invite his mates over (which can only end up in a burnt carpet and vomit).

As much as Jamie has been a wee toe rag, Kathy just needs to back off.

He really doesn’t need a ‘cool’ mum. He just needs a clip round the ear.


Only 10 tickets left

Phew! I was worried about Pip and her dinner dance.

But all now seems well.

Apart from Ruth badgering Pip about who she’s going to the dance with.

Seemingly no-one, now that Izzy has snatched up Matthew.


Pip off to Uni

So what do we think – will Pip eventually choose Felpersham, or will she branch out and go away for a few years?


Ruth has a stubborn cow

And seemingly Izzy’s boyfriend Gary is a bit boring (which is why she’s off with Matthew).



“Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”

so says Jennifer

“a master of science, actually”

so corrected Brian.

Alice is thinking about doing a masters, but might decide to do it at Felpersham.

Jennifer is horrified:

“ … ending up on a substandard course … at this time in her life, Alice should be aiming for the best”

I think I actually agree with Jennifer. Brian’s right that it’s good that Alice is planning for her future, but should she be settling for second best because of her marriage?

At least she’s planning ahead


The great debate …

… falcons or not

“Alice has to sort out her future – I’ve got to face down Lynda Snell”

I know what I’d rather do!

The Archers Sun 25th Oct 2010: Apply Day at Lower Loxley

The Archers: Kenton’s not being useful … neither is Jazzer … Will isn’t Angry (what???)

• Kenton’s on the shaving horse
• “Everything’s ready for the longest peel competition”
• Phil only managed to make a chair leg
• Jazzer’s taking the scrumpy …
• Was that our Will Nic was talking about?
• Kenton now doesn’t need to be at Jaxx
• Jolene’s back to her usual self
• The Panto jesting begins

Kenton’s on the shaving horse

But doesn’t know the difference between carpentry and “green wood working”.

Must admit neither do I, but Nigel seemed quite concerned to get it correct.

As well as kicking Kenton off of the shaving horse.

“The last thing I need on apple day is for you to decapitate yourself”

“Everything’s ready for the longest peel competition”

So, it’s not all a loss.

But what was that about a crack barn?


Phil only managed to make a chair leg

Aw, bless Phil.

I agree with Kenton that it’s a shame he never got to make the whole chair.


Jazzer’s taking the scrumpy …

I’m seriously starting to think that there must be something very amiss with Harry.

How did he manage to keep his temper?

Jazzer drank the cider that he was going to use for their pork (part of the Sunday lunch he was cooking for them both);

had the TV blaring at stupid-o’clock the previous night;

then puts the oven up full blast, ruining the Sunday lunch, while Harry was out trying to buy more cider.

“It’s no ma fault ma Ma never taught me how to cook”

Jazzer is as Jazzer does – but why is Harry putting up with all of this?

At least he makes Jazzer pay … for lunch at The Bull.

But why is he being so calm in the face of such blatant misuse and abuse of his good nature?

Will the worm turn?


Was that our Will Nic was talking about?

I don’t think that could have been.

Nic and Will have seemingly had a “chat” about Emma being pregnant – with Will “happy to talk about it” and not angry anymore.

Sorry. Did Will suddenly become a decent, rationale human being?

That just can’t be right at all.

Although Nic think’s that Emma being pregnant:

“ …it’s great … it’s the best thing that could have happened to all of us”

I don’t accept that Will is anything other than seething.

Hoping I am wrong, for Nic’s sake and sanity …


Kenton now doesn’t need to be at Jaxx

*sigh*

What is wrong with that man?

One minute he must be at Jaxx every waking moment, now he can swan off to enjoy himself.

What’s changed?

Well, Jaxx is up and running for one.

And Kenton also doesn’t need to avoid Kathy anymore.

I’m not sure whether his constant checking about Kathy’s movements is either to get to see her, or to still avoid her.

[Kenton to Nigel] “How do you fancy being count Dracula to my Van Helsing?”

Oh dear.

Do we feel another Kenton and Nigel big night out (ending up in the gutter, or arrested, or in bed with a random woman)?

Or maybe it’s Jazzer we need to watch out for at The Bull’s Halloween party:

“As long as you give me lots of lassies to sink my teeth intae”

Jolene’s back to her usual self

But is still wearing a We Love The Bull t-shirt.

I thought the point of the campaign was getting Jolene to realise how much everyone needed her at The Bull?

Now, I think it feels like we’re just adding to her holiday fund …


The Panto jesting begins

[Nic] “My Jake’s going to be a little rat”

[Clarrie on Eddie auditioning] “Lord knows why … he always wants to throttle Lynda by the end of it”

[Nic to a thinking-of-auditioning Harry] “Still, you wouldn’t’ have to sit around watching people getting tortured”

[Clarrie] “Oh, she ain’t that bad”

(Nic was referring to Jazzer – Harry wants to get out of the house to avoid Jazzer’s very loud and gory horror movies).

How very droll ;-)

The Archers Fri 22nd Oct 2010: Jazzer, Harry and a bag of chips

The Archers: The Odd Couple … Jamie’s avoiding Kenton … the Peregrine plot thickens … Peggy has yet another computer lesson

• “You binned my chips!”
• “Just a little white lie to keep things simple”
• Vampire night at The Bull
• It was only Fallon
• The Peregrines led to Clash of the Titans
• Peggy’s determined to find her GI

“You binned my chips!”

Well, we never really expected Harry and Jazzer to share a flat without Jazzer being a bit disgusting, and Harry fruitlessly trying to encourage him to better ways.

Harry has got another day of being a thoroughly nice, helpful chap.

Whereas Jazzer is looking for his chips from last night. He was going to have them for his lunch chip butty.

Harry shouldn’t have just dumped the chips. And his offer of

“Apple … muesli … dried apricots”

Was hardly acceptable for our Jazzer.

“I’m no a gerbil – I need some real grub!”

Then shock and horror! Harry’s racing bike mug is missing.

As are numerous other mugs.

Two blokes. One small flat. One a slob, the other a bit of a maiden aunt when it comes to cleanliness.

Better get more mugs.


“Just a little white lie to keep things simple”

Kenton’s feeling hard done by.

Jamie won’t return his calls or texts, and it’s all the fault of that Holly.

“I can’t believe she’d do that! Prances over … starts snogging me like there’s no tomorrow. Holly’s a lovely girl in many ways, and in other circumstances …”

Despite Kirsty being right that Kenton is allowed to see other people, it’s not Kenton just seeing other people that Jamie has a problem with.

Kenton lied to Jamie when he said that Holly was just a friend.

Kenton lied to Holly that he and Kathy was well and truly over.

And now Kenton’s lying to himself in trying to lay the blame at any door other than his own.

As he himself later admitted:

“To be fair, Holly didn’t know the whole story”

And stop the press!

“It’s all my fault”

“I should’ve had more sense … more willpower … I should’ve thought about what it would do to Jamie”

“I had a real chance to help him – now I’ve just blown it”

Yet again, Kenton.

You’re blown it yet again.


Vampire night at The Bull

Harry to Fallon:

“You’d look great as Kristen Stewart”

Didn’t Fallon sound delighted to get such a compliment from Harry!

The lady does indeed like. She likes very much!

Seemingly Kathy’s also doing a vampire menu. Which you can bring your own teeth to (tee-hee!).


It was only Fallon

Jazzer had asked Harry if it was alright for him to have a friend back.

But it turned out to only be Fallon.

Obviously keen to keep Fallon to himself, Jazzer tries to keep her in his teeny wee box bedroom.

[Jazzer] “Just about room for two if we hold our breaths”

[Fallon] “What’s that smell – is it pigs?”

Jazzer’s tiny room is now seemingly set off with dirty clothes, dirty plates (and mugs!) and general muck and mire.

The muck extends to a few choice pictures of scantily clad women:

“Harry prefers blokes in lyrca but me, I’m more conventional”

Both Harry and Jazzer seem to think that they’ll be fine living together. It’ll just be a case of getting used to each other’s routines.

Hmmmm.


The Peregrines have led to the Clash of the Titans

Peggy is against the Peregrines:

“I don’t want to see half eaten songbirds”

But, Harry:

“I suppose falcon wise, I’m a bit of a fence sitter”

Which Peggy thinks is probably a safe place to be, considering Brian and Lynda will be speaking on opposing sides at a meeting to discuss the whole issue.


Peggy’s determined to find her GI

At yet another computer learning session with Harry, Peggy us yet again on about trying to find her long lost GI.

“We danced the jitterbug and won a prize … I was very young and naive”

Oo-er! Just how naive were you Peggy?

I’m in two minds about all this GI business.

It’ll be lovely for Peggy to meet up with an old friend.

But won’t he be disappointed yet again if he wants more, only to find she’s again married?

And what about Jack?

The Archers Thurs 21st Oct 2010: Pat’s worried about Helen

The Archers: Helen’s happy for Emma … Kathy has tea with Pat … Kenton spends more quality time with Jamie

• So excited!
• “I was lucky with George, I suppose”
• “I’m finally single again”
• It’s Helen. There has to be a catch …
• Bollywood Night at Jaxx
• “My sexy Bollywood star”

So excited!

Despite Helen having to mark down the Raspberries down (to three for a pound. Bargain!), Helen’s delighted to be able to congratulate Emma face-to-face when she pops into Ambridge Organics.

Pat was also full of the joys for Emma, but Helen was a tad terrifying with her enthusiasm.

Thrilled that she’s only two months ahead of Emma, Helen seemed particularly delighted that:

“I won’t be the only pregnant girl in the village”

(though Emma said there must be more – who? who?? who???)

Helen was just as thrilled at the idea of her and Emma chumming each other to ante natal.

Whereas Emma seemed quite bewildered by Helen’s excitement.

Worse still for Emma was Helen’s rather detailed advice about how to morning sickness.

“Have you tried slow burn wholegrain food?”

Helen does seem to think she’s the perfect example of pregnancy, and that Emma could benefit from her months of research.

She does mean well, but doesn’t she go on!

And Helen should also probably realise that Emma’s not quite the wholefood type.

After all, just look at the whole artichoke saga ….


“I was lucky with George, I suppose”

If you say so Emma.

I know you were talking about being how easy it was to be pregnant with George, but I really don’t think there was any ‘luck’ that can be associated to George’s conception, birth, paternity test …



“I’m finally single again”

Now that Kenton’s making an effort with Jamie, Kathy is freed up to get on with her own life.

(Though it has to be said that she still didn’t sound very impressed with Kenton’s efforts. Too little too late?)


So, what wild and exciting things does Kathy immediately get up to?

Round to Pat and Tony’s for tea.

Steady on!

Kathy’s decided to take charge of her life and:

“make my own agenda”

Great and good. As long as it means less shouting and grumping, I’ll be happy. And maybe (just maybe) we’ll see a whole, new happy Kathy?!?

Just one odd thing – Kathy said:

“I’m finally single again”

Does that mean she wanted to split up with Kenton for a while? That she was hankering after a sassy single lady lifestyle?

Or, was Kathy just realising that she and Kenton should have split up many many months before they actually did.


It’s Helen. There has to be a catch …

Continuing her “fascinating” lecture on the right food and fitness routine for pregnant women, Helen didn’t seem to think that neither Pat nor Kathy would have anything useful or sensible to say on the topic.

It’s almost as if Helen’s the first woman to ever be pregnant.

Poo-pooing Kathy’s mention of “having to eat for two”, Helen announced:

“In the last 6 months … women only need 300 calories a day”

And she’s back!

Happy Helen has once again turned into Controlling/smug/know-it-all/rather rude Helen.

But Pat’s more worried about Helen’s entire attitude to food, than her mate being insulted by her daughter.

[Pat]“You do see what I mean about Helen?”

[Kathy] “She does seem quite picky about what she’s eating …”

[Pat] “You saw her sad little helping tonight … it’s not enough to feed a sparrow … worried she’s just using it as an excuse”

Oh dear.

As Kathy said, would Helen really put the baby at risk?

Or, is Pat just panicking about Helen because of her unhappy history with food?

“It’s her obsessive attitude I find worrying … she’s counting every calorie … surely can’t be a good sign where Helen’s concerned?”

While Pat might have a point that medical professionals are more worried about obesity, Kathy’s right that surely Helen’s midwife will be able to spot anything amiss (especially with Helen’s medical history to hand)? Especially if her midwife turns out to be Amy …

Either way, it was good to actually hear Pat being able to offload for once.

And Tony was quite right to steer well clear, with his umpiring rule book. It’ll soon come to a time where no excuse will be accepted …


Bollywood Night at Jaxx

Kenton’s entertaining Jamie at Jaxx, and does seem to be getting somewhere in encouraging Jamie to say more than ‘whatever’.

Although I do question Kenton’s tactic of using Kathy’s attitudes as a means to get Jamie to behave (if you do x, y will stop nagging you), anything that can help Jamie back to being a nice lad is welcome.

But, as with almost everything Kenton does, his attempts are doomed to failure …


“My sexy Bollywood star”

… so this time, Kenton’s failure comes in the form of Holly.

With Kenton’s rather detailed descriptions to Nigel the morning after forever etched in our darkest nightmares, we’ll never forget Kenton’s night of passion with Holly.

But, it seems Kenton had. It’s a shame for him that Holly hadn’t!

The fact that Kenton hasn’t called her since that night hasn’t quenched Holly’s passion for him. She even gave him a massive snog (right in the middle of Jaxx), rather than slapping him.

“It was a pretty memorable occasion!”

Does Holly have no shame?

Can she not take a hint? (that Kenton can’t be that interested if he hadn’t tried to contact her)

Bunny boiler material, methinks.

Anyway, Jamie is not at all impressed with Holly’s display of affection to Kenton, even though Kenton did try and explain to her that now wasn’t a good time for a reunion.

Jamie flees from Jaxx. Kenton catches up with him to explain:

[Kenton] “She’s just a friend … I haven’t; seen her for four weeks”

[Jamie] “You’re pathetic … why should I believe a word you say!?!”

Oops.

Jamie has met Holly before, at which point Kenton had also claimed she was just a friend.

Quite simply, friends don’t snog. And Jamie knows that.

Ah well. The lack of shouting was nice while it lasted.

The Archers Wed 20th Oct 2010: Will finds out about Emma's pregnancy

The Archers: Susan's spreading the news ... Kenton takes Jamie out ... Apple days and Deck The Halls ... Will gets angry (pt 6000000940265)

• Clarrie is just an all round good sort
• We can depend on Susan
• Why on earth didn’t Eddie and Clarrie not expect Will to go off on one?
• They really didn’t expect it.
• Kenton and Kathy in a 'Not shouting' shock!
• Kenton gets through to Jamie?
• Apples, Deck and Panto (oh my!)

Clarrie is just an all round good sort

Clarrie was having a chat with Kathy, when Kenton arrived to take Jamie out.

Not only did Clarrie not fish for gossip - she immediately left them to it - mentioned to Kathy that she could call round anytime for a chat - and gave Eddie a tap for trying to be nosey.

Nice person indeed.


We can depend on Susan

Actually, I think it's fair enough that Susan is spreading the news far and wide.

After all, it is her daughter that's pregnant.

The way Will found out can't exactly be blamed on Susan gossiping (for once). Methinks Ed had planned it all along ... (see below)



Why on earth didn’t Eddie and Clarrie not expect Will to go off on one?

As @meerkatmartin pointed out to me on Twitter, parents generally only see the good in their kids.

Which is absolutely true.

The trouble is, have Eddie and Clarrie been completely oblivious to the continued animosity between their sons?

When was the last time Will and Ed were in the same room, let alone acted like brothers?

I’m quite stunned that they didn't think to (a) tell Will about Emma's pregnancy become common knowledge and (b) assume that he'd go loopy about it.

[Clarrie] "isn’t it nice!"

[Will] "so why didn’t someone tell me?"

[Will] "Jennifer a telling me I’m going to be an uncle ... how do you think I felt?"

Clarrie also had to admit that she'd known for a wee while, which made Will even more angry.

I can see Will's point that it's not right he had to hear it from "the gossips".

Perhaps Eddie and Clarrie should have insisted Ed tell Will, but I don't think Ed gives a stuff.

I think his plan all along was to truly rub Will up the wrong way by making sure he found out the wrong way.

[Clarrie] "are you pleased for them?"

[Will] "what!"

[Clarrie] "well, it’s good news"

[Will] "Dad ... after what Ed's done to me, do you think I’m going to congratulate him?"

And then we get onto Will’s new strategy:

[Will] "you really think he's ft to be a father? ... he's just not responsible"

Yikes!

I’m not sure where that come from (I can only remember George once hitting his head, while Ed and Will were having a punch up).

Anyone else have an idea of how Will could justify Ed not being a good dad?

Either way - looks like Will isn’t going to take this quietly. I think he'll try and get custody of George, while making Emma's pregnancy a far less joyous experience than it should be (for all concerned).



They really didn’t expect it.

"I never thought he'd take it as bad as that"

"and after all this time, you’d think he start to get over it"

"he'll soon calm down"

"a lot of it is because he's been made to feel a fool in front of Jennifer Aldridge"

Ah, come on now Eddie and Clarrie. Will has shown nothing but utter contempt for Ed since the whole Emma-gate.

But you're also missing the fact that Nic is now going to have to cope with the full brunt of Will's unreasonable anger.

"Nic is such a nice sensible girl ... perhaps she can talk him round"

Actually, maybe Nic can. She has stood up to Will before.

But, because Nic is such a "nice" girl, I hope she runs for the hills (or Harry) when she realises that Will is going to be going utterly overboard throughout and beyond Emma's pregnancy.



Kenton and Kathy in a 'Not shouting' shock!

While Kathy was very frosty to Kenton when he collected Jamie, she didn't shout at him.

When Kenton said:

"I thought it might help the situation ... I’ve been busy but not been on another planet"

Kathy didn’t shout at him.

When Kenton brought Jamie back home.

Kathy still didn’t find to something to shout at him about.

And, when Kenton offered to collect Jamie from school, so that he could hang out with him again AND give Kathy a break ...

... Kathy accepted his help in the straightforward manner it was offered.

Phew! Think we've turned a corner?


Kenton gets through to Jamie?

As well as Kathy and Kenton having a normal conversation, and agreeing to something, is it too much to hope that Kenton will actually manage to help stop Jamie being such a thug?

Jamie seemed to take on board Kenton's point that his shenanigans to Pip's Barn Dance was mote about him being rude than underage drinking.

And then also admitted that he is

"bored ... fed up ... people [are] annoying me ... there's nothing good in my life ... everyone just comes down on me"

On the matter of Kathy dropping him at and collecting him from school, Jamie did have a good point to make that it is actually making her life more stressful.

Which Kenton heard, and late came up with a solution for (see above). Which I was heartened by, considering Kenton had at first said

"it does seem a little bit bonkers"

(I was imaging that he'd say those exact words to Kathy, sending her off into a fury yet again. Which he didn't. Phew!)

And what's more, did Kenton actually persuade Jamie to go to school and actually do the work while he's there?

[Kenton] "I’m not a shining example of academic achievement - but at least I had some O levels ... if you have to go, might as well get something out of it"

Oh my. This has to be too good to be true.


Apples, Deck and Panto (oh my!)

The previous mention of the Panto, and tonight's mention that Deck The Halls will be back this year (at Lower Loxley), has made me warm and happy.

It's been a very trying year in many, many respects.

And though often a twee farce, the Christmas 'specials' also raise a smile.

As Clarrie put it:

"something to look forward to it"

What's more, Lower Loxley is also having an apple day soon.

Which Joe is helping out with (by getting old varieties from Grange Farm).

Can we sense a cider scam forthcoming?