- Helen and Jonathan’s first date
- Why is Mike at the WI?
Helen and Jonathan’s first date
[Helen] “Nice car Jonathan!”
[Jonathan] “Jonno, please … I would have picked you up on the van, but …”
[Helen] “The sacks of plaster would have clashed with my shoes.”
[Jonathan] “You look great, but the way. So, what do I call you?”
[Helen] “Erm, Helen!”
[Jonathan] “We can’t use that on the streets. Everyone uses a nickname at Borchester Bowl. Don’t worry. We’ll think of something.”
So, from opening remarks, Jonathan seems a bit of a w*nker.
(excuse my French)
Once Helen has selected a size 10 bowling bowl, she’s about to start bowling. But notices Jonathan has her nickname up on the board … Helga!
[Jonathan] “Could’ve been worse … my grandmother was a Helen, everyone called her Nelly.”
[Helen] “I got off lightly then.”
[Jonathan] “Come on Hell, start binning those pins!”
Then only knocks over 3 with her next bowl.
[Jonathan] “In percentage terms, it’s an infinite improvement.”
True, and nice of him to say, but I’m still not warming to him.
But … Jonathan then gets Helen to be happy about drinking lemonade and eating nachos.
[Jonathan] “It’s not very healthy I’m afraid, but the e numbers should help get us buzzing for the next game.”
[Helen] “I do allow myself the occasional night off, you know.”
Jonathan also brings back promotional ‘flowers’ they were handing out – one for his niece Tata (who is “addicted to glitter”), and gives one to Helen for Henry.
Okay … so he’s maybe not that bad. At least he accepts and talks about Henry. He also asks Helen what she’s doing for her forthcoming birthday.
Why is Mike at the WI?
It’s for ladies … yet there he is, worrying about whether he should be formal, and wear a tie or not.
[Vicky] “Why, the cows are nice and cheery?”
[Mike] “It’s going to be strange being the only bloke in the audience.”
[Vicky] “No-one’s expecting you to turn up in drag!”
[Mike] “Just as well. I’d clear the hall!”
Seems someone called Calum and Janice are doing a talk tonight. Calum seems to be a cheeky chap:
[Calum] “Any good looking ones?”
(to Jill Archer!)
And Vicky has brought Bethany.
Curiouser and curiouser …
Seems Calum and Janice are doing their talk on “My Son and Me”. Calum has Down’s Syndrome, and is here to talk about his life. With his mum.
[Peggy] “Calum’s got a very mischievous sense of humour!”
Ah – that’s why Mike was allowed into the WI. And why Bethany was there.
Calum talks footy to Mike (seems Mike is a Villa fan, Calum a Man U … poor Calum!). A good time was had by all.
[Mike] “If our Bethany ever has half the confidence he has, and half the charm, talking to a group like this, I’d be proud of her. So, thanks very much asking me.”