Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Brian’s exposed: Tues 21.05.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Tuesday 21st May 2013
  • Jennifer cleans a caravan
  • Borchester Life takes the Michael out of Brian
  • Nic and Joe take the Michael out of Brian
  • Glen Whitehouse takes the Michael out of Brian
  • Joe’s triumphant
  • Ed versus Will

Jennifer cleans a caravan

Actually, she cleans quite a lot of them.

It’s the ‘preparing for the fruit pickers’ time of year.

Borchester Life takes the Michael out of Brian

Jennifer and Brian eagerly sit down to Borchester Life magazine, hot off the press. It features Jim’s interview with Brian.

[Jennifer] “I thought we could we could read to together, if you've got time.”

[Brian] “Oh yeah yeah, the deer can wait ten minutes.”

(will no-one think of the deer?)

[Brian, sounding proud, reading out the headline] “The Squire of Ambridge!”

[Jennifer] “I’m not really sure about that photography …”

[Brian] “It’s not really flattering, is it?”

[Jennifer] “On no, why has he taken it down from below?”

[Brian] “It looks like I’m looking down my nose at the reader.”

[Jennifer] “Well, it’s the content that counts.”

Indeed it is …

[Brian, laughing] “He managed to get principle and epicentre in there.”

[Jennifer, in her ever decreasing world] “Describes the kitchen rather well.”

[Brian] “Nice turn of phrase.”

Then, they start to realise what they’re reading …

[Brian] “Peter Springfellow!”

[Jennifer] “Oh, what a  cheek!”

[Brian] “This is absolutely outrageous!”

Nic and Joe take the Michael out of Brian

[Nic] “That’s just how he is, he’s always a bit flirty, some men never stop no matter how old they are.”

(oh-ho! How the Lothario has aged. The next generation is not impressed)

[Joe] “Looks at this. People’s usually comes around to my way of thinking, the pompous arse.”

[Nic] “ …”I don’t mind being popular, I’d rather be right.” Thinks a lot of himself, doesn’t he?”

[Joe, delighted] “Always has. The profs’ done a crackling job!”

When, in the article, Brian tried to say that the mega dairy cows were going to be pampered, Jim made sure the editorial challenged him …

[Nic, reading from the article] “ …”1500 cows, always kept indoors, which some people describe as being alien to nature …Although it would appear that these essentials do not mean sunshine and grass.” … That told him!”

[Joe] “We get a  mention to. Grundys … “Evicted popular local residents, the Grundy family from the farm they had worked for generations” … ”

[Nic] “ … “Unjustly, said many.” Well said Jim!”

[Joe] “The truth at last, there on the printed page for all to see. Revenge is a dish best served cold, all right.”

When Clarrie and Joe later bump into Jennifer leaving the shop, with her arms full of Borchester Life magazine:

[Joe] “Buying them all up so no one can see the article about your husband?”

[Jennifer] “No, not at all Joe, We’ve very proud of it. I bought copies to gift to all the family …”

[Joe, barely containing his glee] “If you say so, missus.”

Glen Whitehouse takes the Michael out of Brian

Righteous in his indignation, Brian storms in to see Borchester Life’s editor, Glen Whitehouse.

(who I don’t think we’ve ever heard speak before).

At first, Gen doesn’t realise who Brian is.

[Glen] “My heads in September you see, next it will be Christmas … while you’re still slapping on the sunblock.”

[Brian] “I’m very unhappy about the whole thing.”

[Glen] “Are you?”

[Brian] “He says I’m a rake.”

[Glen] “No he doesn’t.”

[Brian] “There, look!”

[Glen] “He says your shirt and pocket handkerchief hint at a rakish undercurrent. That’s very different.”

[Brian] “The next moment, he implies I’m nearly 80.”

[Glen] “No, he says you’re in hailing distance of your eight decade, how old are you?”

[Brian] “69.”

[Glen] “Well, there you are.”

[Brian] “Then he goes on to say I’m as thick as two short planks.”

[Glen] “ … I’m really not that deep, what you see is what you get” … did you say that? … I think he’s just presenting you as a straight forward man without pretentions .”

[Brian] “Yes, but all these quotes., I thought we were just chatting, I didn’t think they’d be pulled out and out in bold … “Trouble with a lot of people is that they simply don’t have vision” … I sound like a pompous ass.”

(well, Joe certainly thought so!)

[Brian] “ … “Sadly, most Brits today don’t know what hard work is” … how can I go in my local pub now, or face my own workers!”

Glen reckons a lot of other folks will agree with Brian’s sentiments. So, nothing to be ashamed of.

[Brian] “I take very unkindly to being compared to the Mekon … Dan Dare’s arch … the Mekon was an alien …”

Brian’s also upset that Jim’s article hints at an “incestuous” relationship between Bridge Farm and Borchester land. Though after Glen points out that Bridge Farm does do contract farming for Borchester land, and that Jim made it clear this was after a  tender process, Brian backs down.

[Glen] “Robust challenge, robust defence … an ideal interview I’d say.”

[Brian] “Oh, thank you …”

(aha … Glen’s winning!)

[Brian] “This stuff about the Grundys and Bridge Farm, chap called Matt Crawford was Chair then.”

[Glen] “It just says Borchester land was no stranger to controversy. You’re not mentioned in this paragraph at all … Brian, I really don’t think you should be unhappy with this article … I think you come over rather well. You’re a strong character, who isn’t afraid to make difficult decisions … I’m sure there was no malice intended. I’d be perfectly happy to be profiled in this way.”

And with that, Glen gave Brian a metaphorical pat on the head, and sent him off content.

Very, very rare that anyone is ever able to win Brian over to their way of thinking.

That Glen really has to be admired!

Joe’s triumphant

[Joe] “I won. Beat both the Berts.”

[Clarrie] “At cribbage? It’s just a game.”

[Joe] “No, it’s a matter of honour.”


I didn’t realise we need to take cribbage just quite as seriously.

Ed versus Will

Yet again …

Seems they’ve both signed up for the Sticky Wicket,

[Clarrie] “Oh, I hope they’re not drawn up together.”

I do.

What fun!

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