Thursday, 30 May 2013

Jazzer accuses Lynda of racism – Thurs 30.05.13 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 30th May 2013
  • Peggy doesn’t want an agency
  • Jim Poo Poos Tom’s bravery
  • Do Llamas get sheared?
  • Lynda! Stop gossiping!!!
  • Jim hasn’t noticed Jennifer loathes him?
  • Jennifer didn’t even know
  • Who will open the fete?

Peggy doesn’t want an agency

Jennifer’s wandering around clutching her list of potential agencies for a home help for Peggy again.

At least Peggy will show an interest.

Won’t she?

[Peggy] “I’m sorry Jennifer, I’m afraid you’ll have to tell them no … I don’t want someone from an agency at all. I don’t want strangers in my house. I want someone I can get to know … and it’s not as if I’m incapable. I only really offered the work to Elona to help her out.”

[Jennifer, inexplicably, and rather rudely, giggling] “You know that’s not true. You’ve really come to rely on what she does for you.”

[Peggy, affronted] “I understand that you mean well Jennifer, and I am grateful for the thought, but if this is really the only option, I’d rather manage on my own.”

Though Peggy does then ask for a lift to the shop to get some butter …

Jim Poo Poos Tom’s bravery

The jungle drums have been a-banging … but the message has been slightly lost in translation.

Jazzer reckons Tom took on two attackers last night, not one. Jim corrects him that it was only one bloke who Tom stopped attacking Paul. (not that anyone knows it was Paul. Or who Paul actually is, come to that)

[Jazzer] “Aye, he was big enough for two. Tom was lucky enough not to get stabbed.”

[Jim] “I’m sure it was a very unpleasant experience, and Tom showed great valour, but I don’t think Felpersham has become South Central Los Angeles quite yet!”


But anyone being attacked, unprovoked, in a sleepy wee place like Borchester is a bit of a worry, really.

Do Llamas get sheared?

Or just clipped?

Jazzer was telling Lynda that his and Ed’s shearing job went very well.
Even though they spent half their profits in the pub.

[Jazzer] “If you need your llamas doing, we’ll give you a  special deal. Mates rates.”

Lynda politely declines.

Well, she actually just ignored the offer.

Lynda! Stop gossiping!!!

She really is awful sometimes..

And quite out of order this time.

She’s been gossiping about Bridge Farm, even though she promised to Pat to quash not spread rumours.

Lynda reckons the sale of the herd means they’ll stop all of their dairy production, soon enough.

Jim corrects that they will be buying in milk. So no end to nothing.

[Lynda] “You mark my words, they obviously never really bounced back from the E.coli … This might be the first step, but who is to say what’s coming next!”

[Jim] “I’m sure it’s just a very sensible re-organisation.”

[Lynda] “Well, we’ll see …”


That’s absolutely disgraceful.

Shame on you.

Jim hasn’t noticed Jennifer loathes him?
When Jill mentioned to Jennifer that she’s been interviewed this morning by The Echo, about the Flower Festival.

[Jennifer] “Take it from me Jill, you have to be very careful, when dealing with the media …”

Jennifer’s still smarting about Jim’s article on Brian in Borchester Life.

When she takes Peggy to the shop, she claims, at the last minute, that she doesn’t need anything. After saying she did.

It’s because Jim’s in the shop.

When Jim leaves, Jennifer suddenly does need to go the village shop, rather than Underwoods.

[Jennifer] “Perhaps it’s better to support local enterprise. You know what they say, use it or lose it.”

Cheek of the woman!

Jennifer didn’t even know

About Tony and Pat selling the herd.


Things really are strained in the Jack Archer side of the clan.

Who will open the fete?

It’s always the cliff-hanger of the year.

A celeb? An author? The Queen?

[Lynda] “Does it really have to be someone who’s simply famous, Jill?”

[Jill] “I wasn’t thinking it had to be a reality star. Not that we can afford one anyway.”

[Jazzer] “It should be someone Scottish, should it no?”

[Lynda] “Why on earth?”

[Jim] “It would be in keeping with the Highland Games theme.”

[Lynda] “Jim, the fete does not have a Highland Games theme. The games are just a small part of the whole event.”

[Jim] “A fairly defining part, I’d say.”

Lynda tries to claim that’s not the case. There will be fete type things at the fete/Highland Games. Like the stalls – the white elephant stall – and dunk the vicar. (Alan will be pleased).

[Jill] “We are publicising it as the Annual fete AND Highland Games.”

[Lynda] “Yes, and I’m not really not happy with that. It makes it sound like it’ll be an annual event … it’s bad enough it’s been foisted on us this year.”

Jim reminds Lynda that it was a democratic vote which brought in the Highland Games as the A (or B, if you’re Lynda) side.

[Jim] “Maybe a comma in the title might clarify things though Jill.”


Anyhoo – back to the question of whom should open the fete.

Jazzer reckons a Clan Chief.

[Lynda] “We can hardly pay expenses all the way from Scotland!”

(come on! Scotland’s really not that far away)

And, Lynda questions Jazzer’s ability to persuade one to Ambridge,

[Jazzer] “You saying I can’t deliver a Clan chief, that I’m flaky or summit?”

[Lynda] “If the tam o’Shanter fits!”


[Jazzer] “I heard that!”

[Jazzer] “What have you got against the Scots? You’ve been slagging the idea from the beginning. You’re just racist!”

[Lynda, furious] “Oh! That is an outrageous suggestion. Take that back immediately!”

Jill makes them stop for coffee.

[Jim to Jazzer] “I think you’re definitely off Lynda’s Christmas card list.”

[Jazzer] “I was never on it …”

[Jim] “I think it the same with me and Jennifer. She cut me dead this afternoon … “

(ah, he has noticed)

[Lynda] “I must take issue with your accusation. You can ask anyone, I don’t have a racist bone in my body.”

[Jazzer] “Aye, I’m sorry hen, that was out of order.”

[Lynda] “I’m as keen as anyone that the event reflects all aspects of Scottish culture .”

In fact, she’s organised for the Scottish Dance Society to do their thing at the fete.

Jazzer’s also keen on culture.

He’s going to play his bagpipes.

[Lynda, horrified] “Is that really essential?!?”

[Jim] “Jazzer is going to be the glue that holds the two parts of the event together.”

Seems the plan is for Jazzer to wander round the green, drawing the punters from the fete to the Highland Games at key moments.

[Lynda] “Are you any good?”

[Jazzer] “Am I any good? What kind of questions is that?”

Could I just interject that not all Scottish men can play the bagpipes?

I do wish Jazzer didn’t speak and act like something out of Walter Scott …

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