Monday, 20 May 2013

The horse REALLY was injured. Honest. – Mon 20.05.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Monday 20th May 2013
  • Matt’s trying to trip up Lilian
  • The horse ambulance had to be called!
  • The last calf to be born at Bridge Farm?
  • Alice is glad she stayed, Chris avoids the washing up
  • Party at Shula and Alistair’s!
  • Jonathan’s dumped Helen?

Matt’s trying to trip up Lilian

Matt was grilling Lilian about Peggy’s visit on Sunday.

[Matt] “I expect she was interested in how James is doing … bet you had a lot to tell her from Friday … you and James must have had a lot to talk about.”

He then moved onto grilling Lilian about her visit with James. Asking specifics like how James’ business was doing – whether he has any new clients – how was Leonie …

… which does trip Lilian up. She says she didn’t see Leonie, forgetting that waiting to see Leonie was the reason she gave for having to stay a bit longer.


Lilian tried to recover by saying Leonie couldn’t make it as she had an emergency at work:

[Matt] “One of those Friday afternoon HR emergencies …”

I’m not sure why Lilian doesn’t spot what Matt’s trying to do. The sarcasm in his voice is loud and clear on the hidden microphones.

[Matt] “Maybe I’ll give James a ring then. Well, I haven’t spoken to him since he went back to London …”

[Lilian, panicking] “What, you’ve never got on!”

[Matt] “Oh, I don’t know. I think we bonded quite well when he was laid up here … I’m prepared to make the effort for your sake, Puss … maybe we could make up for a round of golf …”

[Lilian] “No … his leg really isn’t up to that.”

Oh boy, Matt really is cranking up the pressure. He then suggests that he and James could just go and see a tournament.

AND then offers to answer her mobile when it rings.

Luckily, it’s just Alice.

Come on Lilian … you really aren’t this oblivious! That Paul’s melted your brain.

The horse ambulance had to be called!

Alice was calling to see if Lilian wanted to go for a hack.

Jennifer had mentioned how stressed Lilian seemed to be, so Alice thought she could do with the timeout.

[Lilian] “It’s just what I need.”

When Matt gets home, he finds a note from Lilian. She had claimed she had a lot of work to do:

[Matt] “Gone for a ride, yeah, right. What sort of mug do you take me for?”

(so many meanings behind that word ‘ride’ …)

When Matt calls her, he just gets her voicemail:

[Matt, furious] “Ok, if that’s the way you want to play it!”

Anyhoo … out on their hack, one of the horses starts holding its leg up. (it could have been Spearmint or Domino … Lilian and Alice seemed to keep changing their mind).

Seems it has a spike in its hoof, and Alice had to hold the leg up until Alistair could get there (after seeing to bridge Farm’s cow).

[Lilian] “You must be so stiff, darling, holding it up for so long.”

That’s our Alice – always willing to go the extra bit for a horse.

When Alistair gets there, Lilian has to walk away as there was to be a lot of blood when he pulled out the spike. So, she calls Matt while she’s averting her eyes:

[Lilian] “Did you see my note?”

[Matt, fuming] “Oh, yeah, I saw it alright. Have a good ride, did ya?”


[Matt] “I’ll see you when I see you then.”

And he hangs up.

When Lilian (much later) gets home:

[Matt] “Ah, finally managed to tear yourself away then. How’s the horse?”

But Matt doesn’t get a  chance to get into full flow. Alice follows Lilian into the house.

Seems the horse ambulance came for the horse, but it’ll be fine.


If there’s nerve damage, it might have to be put down.


[Matt, realising he hasn’t caught Lilian out] “So, sounds like you’ve had quite an unpleasant morning … how’s your appetite, let me fix you some lunch.”

It’s okay Matt.

You’ll catch them at it eventually.

(Good. The sooner that Paul’s gone, the better)

The last calf to be born at Bridge Farm?

One of the Bridge farm cows is overdue.

[Tony] “She’s been wandering around with her tail up. But I see no signs of pushing … She doesn’t look comfortable, does she … I’m worried she’s not progressing … oh lord. A tail. Just a tail. I can’t feel the legs!”

Pat rushes off to call Alistair.

When he arrives, he has to give the cow an epidural. When the calf eventually came out:

[Alistair] “Right, get it upside down!”

[Tony] “Oh, heifer calf “

[Alistair] “Yes, she’s breathing.”

[Tony] “I was worried it might be smallenberg.”

[Alistair] “Oh, we’ve seen some horrors.”

[Tony] “You never want to lose a beast, but especially with the sale coming up.”

[Alan] “Yes, it’s money in the bank.”

And what money it will be – a heifer who has just calved will make more. As will a new heifer calf.

[Tony] “One of the last ever calves to be born at Bridge Farm.”

Well, I don’t know about Pat and Tony, but that makes me sad. I can’t help feeling they’re giving up so much for Tom (bloomin’) Archers.

Alice is glad she stayed, Chris avoids the washing up

Lilian tells Alice she would have missed her terribly if she had gone to Canada.

Seems Alice is also glad she stayed. Her boss has been giving her everything she wants now that he realises she was thinking of leaving.

Chris seems to be back on the mind, though still getting “twinges”.

[Alice] “It’s usually when it’s his turn to do the washing up!”


That’s an ancient ploy … but still a good ‘un.

Party at Shula and Alistair’s!

A week on Saturday:

[Alistair] “Very informal, just the family. Maybe a barbeque.”

Wonder if we can gate-crash …

Jonathan’s dumped Helen?

On the topic of Shula and Alistair’s drinks party, Tony’s wondering if Helen will take ‘Jonno’.

[Pat] “I’m not sure they’ve seen much of each other recently.”

[Tony] “Busy people, I’m sure we’ll meet him soon.”


I think Jonathan’s run for the hills!


Ralph Corderoy said...

You must be so stiff, darling, holding it up for so long.

If I had a pint of Shires for every time I've heard Lilian say that…

Inga McVicar said...

*snort* :-)