Tuesday, 14 May 2013

When the Fete became a Highland Games – Tues 14.05.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Tuesday 14th May 2013
  • Matt’s off for a walk
  • The Village Fete theme this year is …
  • ANOTHER holiday for Matt and Lilian

Matt’s off for a walk

Which is very, very unusual.

Especially at 5 in the morning.

Lilian’s shocked.

[Matt] “It’s the middle of the day for some people, half of Ambridge have been up for hours.”

Matt claims he can’t sleep for worrying about work.

[Lilian] “Are you sure you’re really alright? Is that all it is, work?”

[Matt] “I’m fine Lilian, I’ve just got a lot to think through.”

Actually, it’s not just Lilian shocked  that Matt’s walking, and such an early hour.

[Jazzer] “Guess what I seen this morning?”

[Kenton] “Well, we had the UFO, the asteroid the week before …”

[Jazzer] “Matt Crawford .. .it’s a bit early for him, is it no … no in the motor, setting up off Lakey Hill, walking.”

That’ll be an interesting one for the Ambridge jungle drums to decipher!

The Village Fete theme this year is …

As Jazzer and Kenton chat about Matt, Kenton gets a text from Lynda.

[Jazzer] “What does Lynda Snell want with you at this time of the day, or dare we ask?”

Nothing untoward. Just a reminder that the first Fete committee meeting is tonight.

[Kenton] “She wants to discuss this year’s big idea … the things that makes the Ambridge one a cut about the other  tombola and face painting extravaganzas. The central theme, what’s it to be?”

Jazzer reckons he already sorted that out with Lynda last year.

Which he might well have done. If I look back at Pondering the Archers 30th July 2012, Jazzer did make mention of doing a Highland Games for 2013: http://ponderingthearchers.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/mikes-told-hes-going-to-be-dad-again.html

When the meeting starts, seems Lynda is in an accommodative mood. She reckons she’s even “open to suggestions” …

[Lynda] “Every idea will be considered on its merits.”

And it did sound like she meant it. After all, what could Jill, Vicky and Kenton say that she wouldn’t want to hear …

But, she wasn’t prepared for Jazzer.

[Jazzer] “You invited me along last year.”

[Lynda] “I did no such thing … I don’t recollect any discussion with you last year, or at any time.”

But Jazzer demands to be heard. Even Vicky sides with him to say he should (Lynda will not like that!).

[Jazzer] “I had this bonny idea that we spice it up this year, wae a Highland Games!”

Jill and Kenton immediately sound keen.

Lynda, not so.

[Lynda] “It sounds completely preposterous …”

[Jazzer] “Tossing the caber, tossing the hammer, the stone  ..”

[Lynda] “Oh very user friendly …”

[Jazzer] “It’s a great day oot for everybody, in the fresh air, plenty of exercise.”

Not only would they adapt the games for an Ambridge sensibility, there would also be plenty of culture to accompany the sport.

[Lynda] “Cultural? Jazzer on his bagpipes?”

[Jill] “I do think it sounds, well, rather different.”

[Lynda] “Not in a  good way.”

After a bit of silence, and lots of Lynda *sniffs*, Vicky speaks up:

[Vicky] “Well I …  it seems quite a good idea to me.”

(ooh! The worm has turned!)

[Lynda] “Well, I’m afraid I have absolutely no recollection of talking to you about this last year, but it is one idea, certainly, however, this meeting has been convened as a forum for discussion, and I do have a suggestion of my own …This year marks an important bicentenary.”

[Jazzer] “Bi what?”

[Lynda] “The publication of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice … as Ambridge’s tribute, a Regency fete.”

That didn’t seem to get anyone excited. There was just low level grumping when Lynda made her great reveal.

[Lynda] “Stall holders, in appropriate costume, of course. Site specific readings of Austen’s work, around the village …”

[Jazzer] “Readings? Like books?”

[Kenton] “I don’t think that’s a goer … site specific, did Jane Austen ever go near a pub? It was all tea and smelling salts.”

[Lynda] “Well, you can be too literal.”

[Jazzer] “Too right, most people are gonnae understand diddly squat about that. What you get with ma games is something for everyone.”

Kenton concurs. He also adds that Jazzer’s idea fits the (rather dull and very prevalent) obsessions with “Olympic legacy”.

[Lynda] “Jill, as some with years of fete experience, can you see these games as really working?”

Actually, Jill reckons so. Especially for the kids.

[Vicky, desperately trying to somehow still support Lynda] “You could always do your Jane Austen idea at the Book Club?”

And with that, they vote.

[Jazzer] “Result!”

[Jill] “Carried, a Highland Games it is .”

Well, sounds like a good idea to me.

But I do wish Jazzer would stop being such a stereotypical Scot. As he seems to be from Glasgow originally, I’d put good money on him never having been to a Highland Games himself. And as for the fact that he plays the bagpipes …

ANOTHER holiday for Matt and Lilian

Lilian’s suspicious.

After Matt’s walk, he seems to be in far better a mood. “Sunnier”, even.

[Matt] “I am, I’m feeling quite in the holiday mood already … me head’s clearer. I’ve got a lot of things straight now … work, but firstly you and me, Lilian.”

Lilian laughs, nervously.

[Lilian] “I didn’t know I was on your agenda.”

[Matt] “You’re always on my agenda.”

[Lilian, getting more and more nervous] “So, what conclusions have you come to ?”

[Matt] “That’s easy, as far as you and me go … we haven’t been having enough time together … quality time … look what a  good time we had in Paris, and New York … so that’s the answer, keep getting away from it all … so, I’ve booked us another little holiday.”

[Lilian] “What? When? I can’t just drop everything.”

[Matt] “Oh puss, don’t be so thoughtful. I suppose you’re thinking about your mum, are you? Worried about leaving her in the lurch?”

[Lilian, thankful he gave her the reason] “Mum, yeah, yeah. I can’t leave Jenny to do it all.”

Matt’s a step ahead of her. He’s booked the holiday for 20th June, so everyone has plenty of notice.

[Lilian] “You’re being very mysterious though. You don’t want to tell us where we’re going?”

Matt’s delighted to. He’s booked a full two weeks in Istanbul.

[Matt] “How exciting. Oh Matt, that sounds wonderful!”

And it sounded like Lilian meant that.

Looks like Matt's plan is to spirit Lilian away from Paul.

I, for one, hope it works.

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