Friday, 31 May 2013

Paul is attacked (again) – Fri 31.05.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Friday 31st May 2013
  • Pip’s turned the corner
  • Josh and Ben have pals with which to play
  • Tom brings Kirsty champagne
  • Hasn’t Jazzer played the bagpipes before?
  • Josh wants to do a Tracey Emin
  • Paul gets a severe warning

Pip’s turned the corner


She’s being normal again.

Today, she was telling Ruth about pigs.

She’s been studying them,

Ruth is impressed by (a) Pip’s new found knowledge and (b) that she seems to be finally studying properly .

When Ruth suggests they all to go Lakey Hill later on for a picnic, Pip sounds genuinely delighted (rather than grumping like a Kevin).

Though that might have something to do with Ruth promising “really special” food. Not just pizza, then …

Josh and Ben have pals with which to play

Renting out Rickyard to tourists has brought some benefits. Especially for the younger of the Phil Archer clan.

Josh and Ben now have pals with which to play football.

This time, it’s Cosmo and Jace,

(poor Cosmo. His parents must really hate him)

Though Pip’s not too pleased about the arrangement.

[Pip] “You’ve got a whole farm to play football on. When do you have to do it under my window … there’s plenty of grass to play on, or haven’t you noticed!?!”

[Josh] “We can’t disturb my sister’s Facebooking.”

(meow! But probably partly true …)

Tom brings Kirsty champagne

The first person Tom tells about his good ready meal news is Kirsty.

Which is fair enough.

She’s really been the only person who has listened.

Seems the buyers were very positive.

[Tom] “I am going to have to scale up my ideas more than I thought  …I am so relieved I didn’t go organic on them.”

Not because Tom doesn’t believe in organic (or so he claims), but he’d never have been able to source enough organic meat on time.

[Tom, in a rare moment of clarity] “Here I go again. Tom one trick mind. Sorry.”

[Kirsty] “No, I’m interested.”

So … Tom continues.

He reckons he’s hit the market at the right time.

[Tom] “We’re still benefitting from the horse meat scandal … sales of bog standard ready meals have dropped.”

Seems folks now want posher ready meals, which can be traced back to the very beast.

[Kirsty] “Now’s the time, then.”

[Tom] “In a way, there couldn’t be a better one.”

Later on, Tom returns to see Kirsty (at Ambridge Organics) to give her a bottle of champagne. As a thanks for being so supportive.

[Tom] “You’ve listened to me banging on. Which is more than most people do.”


[Kirsty] “How do you fancy sharing this?”

Kirsty’s seeing come chap called Damon at 9, but they have time for her to finish work, and go chare the champagne at the park.

[Kirsty] “I think the working week should always end with champagne.”

Actually, Kirsty wants Helen to write that into her contract.

Though they celebrate, Kirsty does warn Tom to be careful. He’s been stung by supermarkets before.

Even Tom hopes (just hopes) he has learnt.

And anyhoo … Kirsty and Tom?

Didn’t he dump her for that supermarket woman?

Hasn’t Jazzer played the bagpipes before?

I’m sure he has.

Didn’t he play on the Ambridge version of the Antony Gormley plinths?

Maybe I’ve misremembered. Or the Ambridge residents have chosen to forget …:

[Ruth] “Tom, have you ever heard Jazzer play the bagpipes?”

[Tom] “Once heard, never forgotten.”

[Ruth] “Is he any good?”

[Tom] “They’re the bagpipes. How can you tell?”

[Ruth] “That’s a bit unkind.”

The word has got out that Jazzer will be shepherding the punters round, between fete and Highland Games. Like a pied piper.

[Kirsty] “Pie eyed piper more like!”

[Ruth] “Let’s hope he doesn’t have the opposite effect.”

Josh wants to do a Tracey Emin

He reckons a version of the ‘unmade bed’ at the Flower Festival would go down a storm.

[Ruth] “Maybe you should go for something less Avant garde …”

Ah Ruth.

He’s only pulling your leg.

Paul gets a severe warning

Paul gets a visitor.

This time, he bursts into his house, rather than risk the street. It’s Matt’s hitman.

[Hitman] “I got a message for ya … stay away from Lilian Bellamy. Stay away from her, cause if you don’t, next time I call on ya, it won’t just be with a friendly message, understand!”

He makes Paul repeat the message, which he gives him a fair few slaps.

Horrible to listen in to, actually.

The Hitman tells Paul that is he goes to the Police, he’ll hurt his grandchildren.

Actually, this is quite nasty stuff. That hitman sounded so inept, but he certainly knows how to do his job, unfortunately for Paul.

When the hitman leaves, we hear Paul crying, obviously terrified. His first instinct is to call Lilian. And ask her to be at their flat on Monday morning.

Now, Paul may not be the sanest of chaps.

But, did he deserve this?

1 comment:

Ralph Corderoy said...

The word has got out that Jazzer will be shepherding the punters round, between fete and Highland Games. Like a pied piper.

Be more like One man and his pipes with the crowd trying to flee from the din but Jazzer nipping round them to keep them tightly packed and through the gate.