Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Grey Gables has dirty changing rooms – Wed 04.09.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Wednesday 4th April 2013
  • Ray’s litany of ineptitude
  • Helen’s jewellery in the Flower and Produce show
  • More consternation about the wedding invites
  • Brian behaves admirably
  • Jennifer lost a sleeve!

Ray’s litany of ineptitude

1)    Ray’s Paradise Sunrise

Which is Ray’s cocktail for the cocktail evening. It’s made with pineapple, rum and a few secret ingredients:

[Ray] “Only known to a few aficionados.”


2)    Ray’s over enthusiastic approach to guests

He’s been having what, he sees, as a good chat with Bill.

[Lynda] “Colonel Oakshot? He did seem rather in a hurry didn’t he?”

3)    Ray’s garish posters advertising the cocktail evening
[Lynda] “The colours are rather bright.”

[Ray] “I went for eye-catching rather than subtle, I'm afraid.”

[Lynda] “Well, one can be too subtle …”

4)    Ray ignores online booking problems

Lynda tries to tell him, but he asks her just to email him. He has more important matters, like the music for the cocktail night.

5)    Ray can’t organise a p*ss up in a hotel

Not many people showed up for his cocktail night.

[Ray] “It’s just a question of showing them how to have a good time.”


How’s he going to do that if no-one is actually there?

6)    Ray hasn’t sorted proper cover for the Health Club

After trying to have a relaxing swim, Kathy felt pushed to complain to Lynda.

[Kathy] “This really isn’t good enough.”

Seems that last week there was no towels. Then her massage was cancelled. Now the changing rooms are filthy, with the towel bins overflowing.

[Kathy] “I was so looking forward to relaxing … now I feel even more wound up!”

Kathy knows their Health Club Manager, Marietta, is off sick. She’s married to the Golf Club’s chef:

[Kathy] “From what I gather, she’s quite a delicate flower.”

But, she reckons staff should have been sorted by now.

[Kathy] “All I can say is that it never happened when I was in charge!”

(actually, though Kathy is right, she has a bit of a cheek considering what’s happening to customers at the Gold Club!)

Lynda apologises profusely, and explains that she had told Ray.

[Kathy] “I really didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

[Lynda] “I feel we’ve really let you down … but I have the perfect solution.”

Cheeky monkey offers her a complimentary cocktail, which means sampling the delights of Ray’s cocktail evening.

[Kathy] “Although the way I’m feeling, it’ll take rather more than a cocktail to cheer me up.”

7)    Ray traps guests

When Kathy arrives, she finds Jennifer already caught in Ray’s snare.

Actually, Lynda has some of the blame. Seems she’s been offering complimentary cocktails to anyone who’s experienced problems today. Which includes Jennifer as well as Kathy. (Jennifer was only after a pampering session).

How are the cocktails?

[Jennifer] “I’m looking round for a handy plant pot to pour it in …”

Though Jennifer manages to make her escape, that leaves Kathy at Ray’s mercy.

We didn’t get to hear how long she had to endure …

Helen’s jewellery in the Flower and Produce show

[Helen] “I’ve really landed myself in it this time. It’s a complete disaster … I was just chomping my way through my toast when she came up with this bright idea, I nearly chocked … that I should enter some of my jewellery into the Flower and Produce Show … I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I?”

[Kirsty, annoyed] “That would be a fair appraisal of the situation … Well it was bound to backfire on you in the end, wasn’t it Helen … anyway, I’ll see you later.”


Not a chance Helen can enter the jewellery she’d bought.

But Kirsty saves the day. She and Helen make some jewellery (though it sounds a bit wonky). Though it did mean she had to listen to Helen waxing lyrical about the marvellous Rob, again.

[Helen] “Rob was so sweet when we met last night … he had such with Henry, he didn’t seem to mind.”

[Kirsty] “Well, you shouldn’t have to apologise for Henry, should you!”

(quite right too, Kirsty)

[Helen] “No, it’s just that we’d been looking forward to spending a bit of time alone … watching him with Henry, I just thought how lovely he is.”

[Kirsty] “You don’t think it’s a mistake, Henry spending so much time with Rob … but you don’t want Henry to get too attached to Rob, do you?”

[Helen] “I really don’t think that’s a problem.”

Ah well.

It will all end in tears, but at least Kirsty will be there to pick up the pieces.


The WI ladies will spot them a mile off …

More consternation about the wedding invites

[Jennifer] “I still can’t understand why they can’t invite the children to the ceremony.”

Jennifer’s annoyed Alice and Chris, and Adam and Ian, are just invited to the evening.

(just like Susan)

Brian reasons they’ll be trying to keep numbers down.

(just like Neil)

[Jennifer] “Okay, I’ll shut up.”

(would you? How marvellous!)

Brian behaves admirably

Brian and Jennifer are trying to have a meal at the Golf Club. But, their starter seems to be taking a very long time to arrive.

They’re both quite calm about it, as they can see Kathy is stressed and short staffed.

When Brian uses the lengthy pause to make a call to Rob, he has a word with Kathy. She apologises for the wait, but he reckons he’s not perturbed. Kathy starts to tell him her woes, then realises:

[Kathy] “Sorry Brian. Course you and Martyn are … I didn’t mean to moan.”

[Brian] “He can be a bit pedantic at times. Part of his accountant’s make up .”

He suggests she sit down with Martyn over a coffee to chat it through.

If only it were that simple …

But good on Brian for not making a scene. Anywhere else, he’d be demanding someone’s head!

He even had the decency to be embarrassed when Martyn later grabbed him to ask whether he had experienced any problems with the service.

[Jennifer] “It sounds like he’s just trying to cause problems for Kathy.”

[Brian] “Well I certainly didn’t give him any ammunition.”

Jennifer lost a sleeve!

But Brian found it for her.

Good chap.

(took me a while to realise she was trying to put her jacket on)

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