Monday, 23 July 2012

Clarrie’s freezer is groaning ... what a boar: Sun 22.07.12

The Archers Sunday 22nd July 2012
  • Adam’s not deciding, Brian’s not listening
  • The returning hunters were not welcomed
  • Will has a smelly pick up
  • Jennifer’s finally fed up
  • Is it illegal to sell road kill?

Adam’s not deciding, Brian’s not listening

[Adam] “I really thought Brian would listen to me for once … The problem is, he’s gone for the easy option. Never mind how I feel about it.”

[Ian] “Would it be so bad thought … basically, they’d be paying you to grow crops.”

Well Ian, apart from the crops being for the Super Dairy (which Adam is against), Adam also doesn’t have any say in the matter. What Debbie and Brian want goes, Adam’s opinion is worth nothing.

And Brian is pushing Adam hard for a decision.

[Adam] “You’ve sprung this on me; I don’t mean to be railroaded into it.”

But Brian does insist.

Adam has until Friday.

[Adam] “It’s not a matter of time, it’s negotiation by ultimatum.”

It’s not Brian I’d be furious act. It’s sister Debbie that shouldn’t be doing this.

The returning hunters were not welcomed

Clarrie can’t get to her sausages

[Clarrie] “All that wild boar meat, it’s taken me five minutes to find sausages!”

[Joe] “Providence cast that poor creature in our patch Clarrie, the least we can do is put it to good use.”

[Clarrie] “I wish it didn’t mean cluttering up our freezer.”

So Eddie and Joe’s delighted at landing (running over!) a wild boar was short lived. Clarrie was not impressed.

She’s not even in admiration of Joe’s prowess as a butcher, even though he’d learnt it off his dad. Who’d learnt it off his dad.

[Joe] “And his father learnt it off a travelling pig-sticker.”

All Clarrie can see is a “half hundred weight”  of boar meet, clogging up her freezer.

Will has a smelly pick up

Eddie, Joe and Clarrie have borrowed a shoot pick up while their van is being repaired (after its argument with the boar).

It smells of dead pheasant and wet dog.


Jennifer’s finally fed up

That took a while.

Jennifer’s caught between Brian and Adam, having to hear her husband says this sort of thing about her son:

[Brian] “If he finds it too much for his delicate conscience, we’ll need someone else.”

She is also fed up of hearing what the Board of BL want. She just wants her family together and happy.

A tad naively, Jennifer asks Brian to be “less confrontational”.

[Brian] “I’m sorry, I don’t have that luxury.”

What an ass.

Is it illegal to sell road kill?

Clarrie wants the boar meet to be taken to the dump. Or:

[Clarrie] “Get out that digger of yours, make a big hole, and chuck it in.”

Eddie and Joe want to sell it. They think they should have a word with Maurice … Clarrie’s outraged.

[Clarrie] “After all we’ve been through … selling dodgy meat!”

Joe reckons the boar lived naturally, and ate naturally.

Clarrie reckons it has to be properly killed and processed to be able to be sold.

[Joe] “It’s what folks want these days, wild meat.”

[Clarrie] “Eddie, how do you know this is legal?”

[Eddie] “It’s on menus in posh restaurants!”

[Clarrie] “And how are you proposing to make burgers anyway?”

That’s where Maurice comes in.

Clarrie had to remind Eddie that he’d already got Maurice into trouble by selling him “condemned” meat.

[Eddie] “Our boar meat hasn’t been condemned.”

[Clarrie] “Well of course not, it hasn’t been inspected.”

[Eddie] “Perfectly healthy that beast was.”

[Joe] “Apart from being dead …”

Clarrie also puts a dampner on them giving it away at the cider club (well, for an entrance see). She thinks they’ll be sued.

[Eddie] “I don’t know why you're putting the mucklers on this, time are hard.”

So – though Joe and Eddie reckon they could be the new Tom Archers (please, one is ample!) – Clarrie begs them not (not!) to give the meat anyway to anyone. Though they can eat it themselves. And, while they’re at it:

[Clarrie] “And on other thing, get it out of my freezer!”


Course, Eddie and Joe will try to sell it.

They always do exactly what Clarrie (quite rightly) tells them not to.

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