Tuesday, 2 July 2013

It’s back … with Matt and Lilian in Montenegro – Tues 02.07.13 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 2nd July 2013
  • Matt tries to get his leg over
  • Matt insists on shopping
  • Lilian turns to the Catholic Church
  • Lilian knows Matt knows about Paul

Matt tries to get his leg over

The secret microphones in this new batch of Ambridge Extra start us off with Matt and Lilian waking up, on holiday.

[Matt] “Looks like it’s another beautiful day.”

[Lilian] “Matt, I’m sleepy.”

Which Matt seems to interpret as thing for nooky …

[Lilian] “No!”

[Matt] “It’s been a  long time.”

[Lilian] “I said no. I’m not in the mood.”

[Matt] “When will you be?”

Lilian’s excuse is that she’s not 21 anymore. Though Matt reckons she can be, but just not when it comes to sex.


[Matt] “You’re so distant. It’s like you’re almost half here. We might as well not have left Ambridge.”

Oh dear.

Sounds like an awful holiday so far.

Matt insists on shopping

Aye, it’s an age old male technique for trying to get a woman out of the dumps.

Take her shopping.

Lilian’s non-plussed about  what they do. She doesn’t seem remotely interested.

[Matt, sarcastically] “We could just stay here. Sit around in the hotel not talking to each other.”

So, he decides they’ll go shopping for souvenirs.

We then hear Matt haggling over a necklace for Lilian. Which she doesn’t want.

So, she walks away without him.

(is this going to be weeks and weeks of Matt and Lilian arguing?)

Lilian turns to the Catholic Church

After walking away from Matt, Lilian ends up in a Catholic Church.

One imagines she was after a bit of peace.

But An English woman starts chatting to her. About how beautiful the church is. About the idols:

[Woman] “You can see why people are so devoted to them. There’s something so, other worldly. I suppose that’s the point really.”

And on and on she goes. That her daughter is married to a Serb, and such.

Eventually, she spots that Lilian might actually want to be alone … but Lilian asks her to stay:

[Lilian] “It’s nice to be able to actually talk to someone  … I’ve not been able to talk about him much. I was in love with him. Deeply. He was the most wonderful, kind-hearted man I’d ever met. And then, one day, he was gone.”

Lilian starts crying.

[Lilian] “He changed everything. And I don’t know how to bear a world without him not in it. Oh what a mess. This isn’t what you wanted to hear …”

[Woman] “It sounds as if you needed to let it out.”

[Lilian] “I feel like I’ve been in a trance … I just feel even more on my own.”

The woman offers to go for a drink:

[Lilian] “You’ve already been kind enough.”

[Woman] “It’s no bother. Grief’s a terrible thing. Especially if you’ve got no one to share it with. I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.”


Little chance of that.

Lilian’s trapped in Montenegro with Matt.

Lilian knows Matt knows about Paul

While Lilian was talking to the woman in the church, Matt was frantic trying to find her.

When he does finally spot her, he can see she’s been crying.

[Lilian] “Why would I be crying ?”

[Matt] “You tell me … I’m serious Lilian, tell me! … I know how unhappy you are … I just need you to say it.”

[Lilian] “I can’t. There’s nothing to say. Why don’t we get Jenny that purse …”

[Matt] “Do what you like. I can be bothered anymore. It’s pointless us being here!”

So, seems like Matt is trying to get Lilian to admit to her having had an affair with Paul. Was that the whole point of the holiday?

[Matt] “I’ve done my best … but if you want to throw it back in my face … what … what Lilian, come on. What am I supposed to do? All I want is my old Lilian back. Is that too much to ask?”

[Lilian] “YES. Maybe it is. It’s always about what you want, you never think about me or what I might be going through. You don’t give a damn …”

[Matt] “Right, forget it …”

[Lilian] “I can’t always be what you want me to be. I’ve always stood by you, through jail, through everything …”

[Matt] “Oh right, so it is my fault?”

[Lilian] “Why can’t you do the same for me?”

[Matt] “Lilian, you have no idea what I’d do for you. Not a clue.”

[Lilian] “What do you mean?”

(here’s where Matt could have admitted to shocking Paul to death … )

[Matt] “Do you even love me at all?”

[Lilian] “Of course I love you Matt. How could you ask me that?”

[Matt] “How? After the way you belittle me? And I’m the bad one? I’m the liar? I’d never betray us the way you have.”

[Lilian] “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

[Matt] “Oh for god sake Lilian, stop lying. I know. I know you were sleeping with Paul. I know you were screwing my brother, alright!”

My word!

Real shame they switched off the microphones at that point.

Looks like this Ambridge Extra won’t be a dull affair, after all …

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