Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Rob takes Helen far, far away – Tues 27.08.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Tuesday 27th August 2013
  • When does a cow shed not smell like a cow shed?
  • Do vets drink like pickers?
  • Everyone benefits from the Super Dairy
  • Jennifer’s definitely out of the Rose Bowl
  • Will no-one think of the cows?
  • Ian likes Ray
  • Helen’s unrecognisable
  • Divot repair night

When does a cow shed not smell like a cow shed?

Brian’s admiring the new Super Dairy cow shed.

[Brian] “There’s enough sand in here for an artificial beach!”

He’s also impressed how “clean and airy” it is.

[Rob] “As from tonight, it starts to smell of cows.”

[Brian] “Finally.”

Poor, poor cows.

Here’s hoping Pat and Ruth break them out.

Do vets drink like pickers?

The vets looking after the Super Dairy are going to give them six extra warm bodies (i.e. students) for the calving. Brian’s delighted. Especially as it won’t cost him.

As the pickers have left, he’ll house them in the caravans.

[Rob] “I doubt they’ll drink like the arable boys and girls do.”

[Brian] “I bet they still get hammered on a Friday and Saturday night  as it seems to be obligatory these days!”

My my. Brian’s sounding old these days.

But he is right. Young ‘uns doe drink a heck of a lot these days. Arable, or vets.

Everyone benefits from the Super Dairy

Are the food boxes are just a ploy?

Brian reckons Rob’s deal with the village to supply boxes of food ordered by the Super dairy staff is a

[Brian] “Canny way to keep locals happy.”

Was that Rob’s motivation?


He doesn’t seem the type just to do something useful and community minded for the sake of the community.

Though he is including Tony’s produce and Neil’s eggs in the orders.

Brian loves that!

[Brian] “Irony of ironies. They set their face against us from the start, and next they take full advantage.”

Jennifer’s definitely out of the Rose Bowl

Her roses are stone dead.

[Jennifer] “Unless there’s a category for dead roses.”

Ach well.

Best of out of it. It’s going to be proper handbags at dawn …

Will no-one think of the cows?

The Super Dairy cows are on route from eastern Europe. But, their truck breaks down just south of Frankfurt.

Brian’s furious.

But he couldn’t really give a hoot about the cows.

He just wants their milk.

(as do all dairy farmers, but some of them spare a thought for the poor beasts)

Ian likes Ray

Blimey. I thought Ian was a far better judge of character.

Seems Pat met ray when she was in dropping off a delivery.

[Pat] “Full of bon ami, very pleased to meet a supplier … he had Ian eating out of the palm of his hand.”

Now that’s a worry.

Ian’s one of the few sane people left at Grey Gables, with Caroline and Oliver away.

Helen’s unrecognisable

At times.

She first tells Pat she won’t be going out, as there’s no jewellery class tonight.

[Pat] “When we going to see some of this jewellery then … what is it, anyway?”

Helen lies. She says it’s a necklace, and she can’t see it as it isn’t finished yet.

Ron then calls Helen, telling her about the stranded cows.

[Rob] “Brian’s furious.”

[Helen] “Never mind Brian, are the animals alright? The poor things.”

Theta’s more like our Helen, but she disappears again when Rob invites her round. He’s now got a free night.

So, she lies to her folks again, leaving Tony to babysit this time.

Rob actually takes Helen out, rather than straight to bed. But, it’s well away from any Ambridge eyes.

The moment they get there, Rob wishes they’d just stayed in. She’s too physically far away.

Our Helen comes back to us for a moment … she started to say how she wished the Super Dairy had been able to get cows from closer by … but Rob distracts her:

[Rob] “Could I … we’re far enough away from Ambridge …”

He kisses her.

Helen starts to say that she wishes she weren’t lying to Pat.

[Rob] “I think it’s necessary.”

[Helen] “I know. I just want to tell everybody.”

[Rob] “But we can’t.”

She concurs.

(come on Helen! This is ludicrous, and you know it)

Helen’s so far gone, she’s even bought a necklace to show to Pat:

[Rob, laughing] “You cheat! ... You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

[Helen, sexy voice again] “I certainly am …”

They don’t order food, deciding to go back to Rob’s again.

(I want our Helen back …)

Divot repair night

At the Golf Club.

Which means Kathy has to work on a buffet for the volunteers.

She’s so short staffed, she’s having to do it herself. Until Pat arrives:

[Pat] “Where should I out this salmon?”

[Kathy] “Don’t tempt me …”

[Pat] “Looks a bit like him!”

[Kathy] “Cold, pink and fishy …”

Considering his ability to walk in on Kathy at the exact wrong moment, I’m amazed he didn’t want in on them comparing him to salmon.


It could have meant an easier and earlier exit from the Golf Club for Kathy.

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