Thursday, 3 January 2013

Bob’s mysterious poem: Thurs 03.01.13 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Thursday 3rd January 2013
  • Bert and Bert
  • Bert (H) blames himself for Clive
  • Bob has the last laugh … a mysterious poem for Joe
  • Joe was very negative
  • Joe and Bert (F) on suits

Bert and Bert

Most of today was Joe, Bert (Fry) and Bert (Horrobin).

Not confusing to listen to, but very confusing to blog about … so, Bert Horrobin is Bert (H) and Bert Fry is Bert (F) from hereon.

Bert (H) blames himself for Clive

[Joe] “I was sorry to hear bout your troubles.”

[Bert] “Clive’s trouble all right. I gone badly wrong with him somewhere.”

[Joe] “You can’t take it all on your shoulders, he’s a grown man!”

[Bert] “You think? Seems like a little kid the way he goes on, grabbing what he wants, kicking out when he don’t get it/ I’m glad Ivy ain't here to see it, that’s for sure.”

Joe’s right.

Clive’s just a bad ‘un, good and simple.

Bob has the last laugh … a mysterious poem for Joe

The letter Bert (F) and Joe found at Bob’s the other day was indeed for Joe. And suggests Bob may have left him a “nest egg”. But, Bob’s made it far from easy.

Along with the letter was a poem and a “tiny” key, which doesn’t seem to fit anything in Bob’s house.

Bert (F) and Joe have had no luck trying to decipher the poem, so Bert (H) has a go.

The oldest bank in Ambridge
Hides nearby a cost
You’ll only see a few of the millions that were lost
If you listen carefully in among the suits
Then in time you’ll arrive straight at Coutts
But before you get there. Here’s a little clue
It’ll tell you just exactly what to do
Look for the man hidden in the bath, he’ll lead you up the garden path
His name, it starts with a C, he’s perched between the R and the T

[Joe] “I know who’s being led up the garden path all right.”

[Bert F] “It’s not a great poem, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

(well, Bert (F) would know ...)

[Bert (F)] “That Bob Pullen, pulling his leg …”

Bert (H) reckons Coutts must mean the bank. Though Ambridge doesn’t have one.

Bert (H) then reckons it has something to do with the banking crisis because of the suits line.

So, jumping from A to J, they all decide that it must be a bank in Borchester, where the key will open a deposit box. The Berts reckon this is all very cloak and dagger:

[Joe] “James Bond don’t go running around bank in Borchestershire with poems and keys!

[Bert (H)] “You could go into that bank a poor man and come out, well, not so poor a man.”

Well, not so. After Joe had been into the bank:

[Joe] “They looked at me like I was mad … do you have an account … no but I got a poem and a key.”

Poor Joe.

[Joe] “I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but Bob Pullen is even more bother to me now than when he was live!”

Bert (H) has another brainwave.

He reckons the bank is a bank they all used to roll marbles down as kids.

[Bert (F)] “That’s not a bank, it’s a small insignificant mound!”

But, it’s also next a war memorial. Which shows the name of the Ambridge men “lost” in the war, but obviously not the names of all the millions “lost”.

When they get to the memorial, Bob’s letter have at least stopped them to think of their dead peers.

[Bert (H)] “All those young men, boys really.”

[Joe] “We’re the lucky ones of our generation.”

From the between the R and T, beginning with C but – they work out the name Charlie Sparrow. Who none of them have heard of.

Charlie Sparrow … perched. Aha!

[Joe] “He ain’t perched on top of a cashbox, though.”

Bert (H) is on fire tonight. He then minds on that Bob has a birdbath in his garden.

[Bert (H)] “The man in the bath, Charlie Sparrow.”

And, Bert (F) adds in – it could be Coots the bird, rather than Coutts the bank. (would Bob have misspelt on purpose?).

[Bert (F)] “This is turning into a  real battle of wits Bert.”

They leave it there, with Joe demanding they all synchronise their watches for 20.15.

[Bert (H)] “Two whole years!”

(bless. His moments of sheer brilliance seemed to have ebbed away again)

After trying to work out a day that suits all of their diaries (believe it or not!), they settle on Tuesday coming. That’s very handy for the next Ambridge Extra. (hmmm).

[Joe] “Then we’ll see who wins the battle of the wits!”


That Bob Pullen still gets the better of Joe, even from the grave. And he’s not even in his grave yet!

Joe was very negative

Which isn’t like him.

Normally, Joe will have a go at anything which could earn him a few bob.

But right throughout tonight, he had to be cajoled (almost nurtured) into carrying on by Bert (F) and Bert (H).

I hope he gives them a decent share, if (and big IF) it turns out to be something of value.

Joe and Bert (F) on suits

Joe and Bert (F) wonder if Bert (H) would also like one of two of Bob’s suits. Especially considering he has to goes into prison to see his sons.

[Joe] “Every time he visit., he can see them both. Kill two jailbirds with one stone.”

Interestingly – Joe seems to have been the only Ambridge resident to have spotted that Clive and Keith must be held in the same prison. Though he also seems to think the authorities would do so on purpose to make it easi8er for Bert (H).

Bert (F) reckons that’s a nonsense.

[Joe] “What you know all about it, Bert Fry of the Old Bailey!”


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