- Bob asked for Joe to collect him
- Preparations for a jaunt to Felpersham
- The Beatles
- I Spy ...
- Tea and wet wipes
- Bert Horrobin needs a wee
- Chewing gum, bubble gum, a hat and a lack of a jack
- Time for a Bert Fry poem
- And more poetry ... this time, from the grave
Bob asked for Joe to collect him
When Joe calls the undertaker, they know exactly who he is:
[Undertaker lady] "Mr Pullen informed us you were collecting his ashes."
[Joe] Well, Bob Pullen, you got it all worked out, eh."
Preparations for a jaunt to Felpersham
Bert Fry is impressed by Jim's engine.
Jim's taking him, Joe and Bert Horrobin to Felpersham, to get Bob Pullen ('s ashes).
Even though it's just a wee trip, Jim's checking the oil. Water. Tyres. Bert Fry thoroughly approves (thought he thought one of the tyres was overfilled).
[Bert] "I'm a belt and braces man meself."
Bert Horrobin's also prepared.
Seems he's brought his Mary Poppins bag again.
Well, that didn't take long for someone to mention The Beatles and Liverpool in the same sentence.
Though to be fair to Jim, he had been trying to encourage the lads to go round some of the museums when they go to Liverpool on Tuesday. After the groans, he then had to mention they could take a The Beatles tour.
[Bert H] "We can do a bit of twist and shout, eh?"
Bert Fry reckons not. His hip wouldn't cope.
[Bert H] "I've never nee the twisting type. More of a proper rock n' roll man, me."
I Spy ...
Seems there was a hold up on the bypass. They were stuck solid for (what they reckoned was) an age.
They started playing I Spy. Which Bert Fry kept winning. (I never knew I Spy was a competitive game ...)
Then Jim suggests jokes. But no-one knows any.
(this was riveting listening, by the way)
Tea and wet wipes
Lucky they had Bert Horrobin and his Mary Poppins Bag. He had tea, coffee and wet wipes (!).
[Jim] "I don't usually drink and drive, but I’ll make an exception this time."
Bless Bert Horrobin. He took Jim seriously, and apologised it had no booze. Only two sugars.
Joe starts to panic that they'll be late for Bob ('s ashes). The undertaker had told him they must be there by 4pm.
Felpersham isn’t that far. They only go to Liverpool on Tuesday. So that leaves Friday and Monday to get Bob, if the worse comes to the worse.
Bert Horrobin needs a wee
Just as they finally start moving, Bert Horrobin declares that he needs to go to the "little boys' room".
[Jim] 'Try not to think about it. try to clear your mind."
[Bert H] 'It's not my mind I need to clear ... man knows his limits, and I don't mind telling you, I'm almost at the end of mine!"
So Jim gets them to a service station.
Chewing gum, bubble gum, a hat and a lack of a jack
At the service station, Bert Fry spots chewing gum.
His Freda doesn't approve of chewing gum.
So he gets some. Just to try, of course.
Joe then reckons he needs bubble gum.
And insists Jim get a "trendy" hats that they make him wear backwards (like the kids do).
After Bert Horrobin has had his widdle, they get ready for the off.
(funnily enough, none of them seem in a rush, at this point)
But, course not. They find they have a flat. And no jack. And Jim can't get a signal on his mobile to get his accident chaps.
So he, Joe and Bert Fry leave Bert Horrobin with the car, while they looked to ask to borrow someone's mobile.
(what on earth are they thinking? Surely they could have bought a jack from the service station, rather than have to wait for the accident folk?)
Anyhoo, when they get back to the car (after calling the accident chaps), they find Bert Horrobin has fixed it. He just borrowed someone's jack.
[Joe] "Bert Horrobin. How many more tricks you got up your sleeve?"
Time for a Bert Fry poem
The four of us is the Riley
We should have been very smiley
But the roadworks up ahead
Had us seeing red
Bert Horrobin said he had to go,
but where, we didn't know
He said he had drunk too much tea, and now was desperate for a ...
(Jim interrupts him before Bert Fry can say "pee". My word, Jim is very prudish indeed!)
And more poetry ... this time, from the grave
When they finally get to the undertakers, the lady is just closing up.
She at first won't open up again:
[Joe] "Poor Mr Pullen. Looks like he'll be here another night."
But she opens up for him when she realised he's THE Joe Grundy.
Seems Bob Pullen had been in last month, wanting to leave very specific instructions for Joe.
[Undertaker lady] "It was a real treat for us ... it isn't often we get to chat to our client ..."
Bob left Joe a message:
[Undertaker woman, on Bob's behalf] "Thank Joe Grundy for me. I know he won't let me down."
And another poem:
Merseyside is a friendly place
Your host is warm and full of grace
Some sightseeing awaits you, pasture new
But if you get tired, just take a pew
What can that mean?