Thursday, 31 January 2013

Colonel Aubrey Shawcross is a bigot: Tues 29.01.13 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 29th January 2013
  • Usha just wants privacy to kiss Alan’s eye
  • Michael is special
  • Alan just can’t say no
  • Michael borrows £20
  • Colonel Aubrey Shawcross doesn’t like divorce and is a sexist
  • Colonel Aubrey Shawcross doesn’t like gay marriage
  • Colonel Aubrey Shawcross meets Usha
  • Usha’s obsessing about Michael’s car

Usha just wants privacy to kiss Alan’s eye

[Usha] “It’s looking quite colourful.”

[Alan] “At least I can see out of it now.”

Usha and Alan are enjoying a rare moment together, alone.

Alan even has time to ask Usha to have dinner with him tomorrow.

[Usha] “Reverend, are you asking me out?”

Why yes, he is.

But it wasn’t long before Alan’s phone went, which (of course) he had to answer.

Michael is special

Usha’s not amused at having Michael as a house guest. She already wants to know how long he’s staying.

Alan, as ever, can only see the bright side.

[Alan] “But not drinking our wine. Which is brilliant.”

(so Colonel Aubrey Shawcross was wrong about Michael being an alcoholic?)

Usha thinks Michael needs serious help (a counsellor, or the like) rather than a stay at theirs.

[Usha] “But this is our home!”

[Alan] “But Michael. Well, he’s special … he’s a much better priest than I am.”

Alan just can’t say no

The phone call which interrupted Alan and Usha’s alone moment earlier on with the aforementioned Colonel Aubrey Shawcross.

He has a problem.

The retired cleric he’d managed to get in to take their services has come down with shingles.

So he thought of Alan …

[Colonel Shawcross] “There’s a man with a can do attitude. Who won’t let unexpected hazard or personal inconvenience stand in the way of getting the job done.”

So Alan agrees to do their Wednesday service.

Even though that’s when he’s ask Usha out for dinner. But Alan reckons he’ll be done in time to still take his lovely wife on their date.

Hmmm …

Michael borrows £20

Michael managed to persuade Usha to drop him off at his car while on her way to work, so that he could get his car and be a bit more mobile.

Suspiciously, Michael then remembered he’d forgotten (!) his wallet. So borrowed £20 off of Usha for petrol.

Seems that he had a bit of reputation for borrowing money, then not paying it back. Alan later remembered that to Usha from his and Michael’s college days.

[Alan] “Lend us a fiver McKinnon!”

Colonel Aubrey Shawcross doesn’t like divorce and is a sexist

[Colonel Shawcross] “This is really not the place for a divorced priest. But it was either him or a woman.”

Alan reminds him that Michael’s wife left Michael, not the other way round.

[Colonel Shawcross] “In my experience that there’s no such thing as an innocent party.”

Seems Colonel Shawcross doesn’t believe in divorce. He reckons the bible says so.

Alan reminds him that the bible also says that slavery is just fine and dandy.

[Alan, in a rare fit of being sarcastic] “Some things in the bible are more important than others.”

Colonel Aubrey Shawcross doesn’t like gay marriage

[Colonel Shawcross] “But not between a man and a man.”

He reckons such things are an “abomination”.

[Alan] “That God loves all of us, and the closest we can come to understanding his love for us is the love we feel for our fellow humans, no matter what colour, creed or gender.”

[Colonel Shawcross] “There are limits, surely?”

[Alan] “Limits to God’s love?”

Ah. Good lad, Alan.

(and well done, by the way, to England for voting in gay marriage. Equality means equal …)

Colonel Aubrey Shawcross meets Usha

Between his rants about women, divorce and gay marriage, Colonel Aubrey Shawcross also mentioned that marriage should also only be between two Christians.

As he was in full flow, Usha walked in to collect Alan for their date.

[Colonel Shawcross, a tad shocked] “I didn’t see you in the congregation …”

[Usha] “No, I’m a Hindu.”

How did Alan laugh when he and Usha left the Colonel!

[Alan] “What a  dreadful man. Poor old Michael. I’d go a bit bonkers if I had to deal with him every day.”

Usha’s obsessing about Michael’s car

Usha really doesn’t like nor trust Michael.

On their way to the service, she thought she spotted Michael’s car parked at a cottage in the village near his church.

But he was supposed to be in Birmingham meeting a counsellor.

While Alan was taking the service, Usha went back to have a look.

She’s definitely sure it was Michael’s car.

What does that mean, then?

And why does Usha care so much?

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