Matt can’t take his eyes off of Tom: Sun 11.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 11th November 2012

• A new podcast announcer?
• Can one not go to the supermarket at lunchtime?
• Paul’s been worried since his brief encounter moment
• Tom gets romantic

A new podcast announcer?

Sounds like it.

Rather plum English rather than lowland Scots.


Can one not go to the supermarket at lunchtime?

Not according to Matt.

Lilian’s told him she’s making the desserts for Peggy’s birthday meal, so needs to go to the supermarket.

[Matt] “What, at lunch time? … I’m just wondering what I’m supposed to do for lunch?”

Lilian (rather than just telling him to boil his own heid), tells him to ask Leonie.

[Matt] “Have you lost the plot. She’ll end up feeding me a sprout banana smoothie!”

Matt also notices that Lilian’s doing her hair.

Does he know she’s off to meet Paul?


Paul’s been worried since his brief encounter moment

[Paul] “Smashing to see you … you look great, better than when you were at the hospital, anyway.”

Like a proper gent, he also takes her coat.

And then asks how Lilian is coping with Leonie. He listens. And makes her laugh.

But, he’s worried about before. When he told Lilian how much he cared:

[Paul] “Ever since my rather impulsive declaration … shall we call it my brief encounter moment …”

Lilian reckons they were both just emotional back then – her, with Matt in prison – him, because his mum had just died. He’s coping better about his mum, but is Lilian faring well since Matt was released?

[Paul] “Has it been the new start you were hoping for?”

[Lilian] “It’s not been plain sailing, as you’ve probably guessed … I’m sorry it didn’t work out Paul, between you and Matt. I so wanted him to get to know you as his brother … One thing I’ve learnt about Matt is he is what he is. He doesn’t change.”

Just as his brother, eh?


Tom gets romantic

As Brenda’s walking home, she bumps into Matt. He’s escaping James and Leonie – so (of course) welcomes the excuse to trap Brenda into talking business.

On a Sunday.

At her house.

When they get to the door, Brenda notices their curtains are closed. Which is odd.

As they walk in, the house smells more fragrant than usual. Which is odd.

As they get into the living room, there’s a burst of music, and Tom’s singing:

[Tom] “I love you baby ….”

[Matt] “Thank heavens you kept your clothes on!”

Tom’s trying to be romantic. He’s got candles and love hearts (the wee sweets).

A tad embarrassed, Tom beats a hasty retreat:

[Tom] “Right, well I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

[Matt] “I bet he will!”

After Matt has talked business (yup, Matt insisted on still doing so. On a Sunday. In Brenda’s house. After he’d seen Tom try to get fruity).

[Matt] “Yeah, we’re done, I’ll let you carry in with whatever it was you were, um …”

At least Brenda and Tom can have a laugh about it. It’s been an age since they did that together.

[Brenda] “It was so sweet.”

[Tom] “Well you’ve been so stressed with work, and you’ve been hacked off with me … I had a plan, I thought we could curl up on the sofa, candles, wine, slushy DVD …”

[Brenda] “You're my stud muffin … maybe you better prove it … I might have a surprise for you upstairs …”

(ew … I think I prefer it when they fight)

Lilian’s back from her coffee (ahem, date, methinks) with Paul when Matt got home.

[Matt] “Tom had the place done up like a  tart’s boudoir … singing Brenda a love song … is that what girls like these days, he looked a real plonker to me!”

[Lilian] “I bet he didn’t to her. It’s called romance, Matt.”

But Matt doesn’t get it.

He just demands a sandwich.

(coast is clear, Paul!)

Sex. In the bathroom: Fri 09.11.12 #thearchers

(again ... that shower scene ... *shudder*)

The Archers Friday 9th November 2012

• Is there a Vitamin K?
• Leonie bullies Brenda
• At least Brenda has Christmas to look forward to
• Lilian has seen what a mother should never see

Is there a Vitamin K?

Leonie wants it for James, Lilian didn’t even know there was one. (there is, though I had to Google it)

Leonie is making Lilian’s life a tad difficult. Between “snuggling” with James and demanding foods and stuff to make her beloved better.

Seems a mother’s love just isn’t enough.

[Leonie] “If you’re busy, I can easily look after James on my own”

Leonie bullies Brenda

Brenda just trying to do her job, but it’s not easy to do so in the Dower House.

Lilian shoos her away when she tries to get her to sign (already late) papers. Lilian would far rather answer her phone to Paul.

When Brenda tries to tell Tom how awful her day is, he’s yet again not interesting.

[Tom] “Well, never mind, it won’t be forever.”

(ah, that solved everything!)

But in the meantime, Brenda has to try and run Amside by herself.

[Tom] “And they’ll thank you in the end.”

Course they will!

Hmmm.

Back at the Dower House, Brenda’s losses her temper with Lilian.

[Brenda] “How do you expect it run your business if you’re never around?”

[Leonie] “Excuse me … but s that anyway to talk to your employer?  … Lilian, let me. She ask you to wait. Now why don’t you just scurry along and do your job .”

[Brenda] “I’m sorry, Lilian is my boss. Not you. On paper anyway.”

[Leonie] “Are you going to stand for that!?!”

Luckily enough, James appeared in the room naked and distracted the ladies.

(oh, the shame!)

Back with Tom, Brenda’s saying she’d had enough, and she might quit.

He starts waffling on about hampers.

[Brenda] “Yeah Tom alright,. Can you just give it a rest for a while … I just need a bit of peace and quiet that’s all … Aren’t you listening to me? Can you not see how exhausted I am?”

So she goes off for a long bath and then bed.

I’m starting to feel sorry for Brenda …


At least Brenda has Christmas to look forward to

She does seem to perk up when Tom mentions he has plans for Christmas.

But, they perk right down again she realises he’s only on about ready meals again.


Lilian has seen what a mother should never see

Her son, having adult intimacy, in her bathroom

With Leonie Snell.

Nasty …

Lilian walked in on James and Leonie while:

[Leonie] “I was only helping James wash himself.”

Where did he need washed, is the question …

Now, I know James can do no wrong in Lilian’s eyes, but she surely can’t put up with this for much longer?

[Lilian] “They’ve turned city room into their love nest, and I’m scared to go into the bathroom.”

Says Lilian to Paul. Matt never seems to be around at the moment.

[Paul] “Does sound as though you could do with getting away for a while.”

So he invites her out for a coffee.

[Lilian] “Oh to hell with it, I need a pick me up … why not. Absolutely. That’d be lovely.”

James, Leonie and Matt all pushing Lilian to Paul.

This should be interesting.

Lynda shall play Prospero: Thurs 08.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 8th November 2012

• Naomi has a “mardy face”
• Kenton demands praise
• The Elizabethan Christmas show marches on
• Fallon wants Rhys
• Bob Pullen still isn’t too well
• Freddie’s looking forward to extra maths
• Is Hayley for the chop?
• “Such stuff as dreams are made on”

Naomi has a “mardy face”

Which Fallon won’t have to put up with anymore. Naomi’s quit.

Fallon feels rather superior, as she feels Naomi was behaving unfairly. After all, Naomi had the same opportunity to get the Manager job.

Erm.

Seems not so.

Kirsty had a hand in it.

[Kirsty] “I might have kind of possibly hinted to Don that all the staff were really hacked off when Naomi was manager.”

[Fallon] “I really don’t know what to say. You’re really quite sly, aren’t you. I’d better watch my back!”

Kenton demands praise

[Kenton] “Aren’t you proud of me mum, your son is being a Lord!”

Bless.

This Lord of Misrule is certainly going to Kenton’s head.


The Elizabethan Christmas show marches on

With Kenton as the Lord of Misrule and Macbeth’s witches organised, Lynda feels she finally has a show.

Christine and Jill have been researching Elizabethan food. Collar of Brawn (pork loin, boiled a week in advance, marinated in spices). Real mince pies. Marzipan.

[Jill] “If it was good enough for Queen Bess, I’m sure it’ll do for you.”

Fallon wants Rhys

Well, we all know that.

But, she specifically wants him to work at Jaxx.

[Fallon] “Just like when running the pub together but all the time.”

Fallon sounds very excited. Rhys doesn’t.

He doesn’t want to leave The Bull. He likes the punters. It’s a short walk from his flat. And he wouldn’t want to leave Jolene and Kenton short.

[Fallon] “Don’t worry, eh, just thought it might be an easy solution.”

When she’s later speaking about it to Kirsty.

[Fallon] “I’m just so disappointed Kirsty. I thought he'd jump at the chance.”

[Kirsty] “Unless of course you’re upset it might have to do less with where he works than with who … okay, so I got it wrong, Rhys is a sweet bloke though, if you were hoping that you and him …”

Fallon doth protest …


Bob Pullen still isn’t too well

In fact, he’s very frail.

Jill’s having to take his shopping to him.

Oh dear.


Freddie’s looking forward to extra maths

Seems Ifty has enthused him about his tutoring.


Is Hayley for the chop?

The consultant’s report on Lower Loxley is in.

Seems the business is viable. But their costs are up, while spend per head is down.

The consultant wasn’t very positive about the school trips – seems they don’t add any profit. Which isn’t very good news for Hayley.

The new suggestions are courses – art, cookery, further education. They should get sponsorship for the art gallery, and hold larger exhibitions.

Elizabeth and Lewis also revisit the Old Dairy plans to turn it into wedding accommodation. Seems Nigel didn’t want it to happen, as the accommodation would be too close to their house.

[Elizabeth] “But times change.”

[Jill] “It’s your decision love, just don’t bite off more than you can chew … the business is nothing without your health.”

But, we haven’t heard Elizabeth so positive in a long time. She now has a plan to work to, and isn’t being held back by what Nigel would have done.

Anyhoo – this could all be very, very bad news for the Tuckers.


“Such stuff as dreams are made on”

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.

(The Tempest, Act 4, Scene 1)

Lynda was quite amazed Kenton could quote part of the speech above.

[Lynda] “Good grief! You know it.”

Kenton tells Lynda she should play Prospero, and end the night’s revelry. He reckons she’s a sort of Prospero anyway, as the Director.

She at first says no, out of modesty.

But is soon persuaded.

Emma gives George up: Wed 07.11.12 #thearchers

(though only for a few more nights)

The Archers Wednesday 7th November 2012

• Ruth needs a coven
• Nic tackles Emma
• Even Jennifer’s ignoring Lilian
• Bovril!
• Ed’s worried what they’ll say down the pub

Ruth needs a coven

Ruth and Usha want to do Macbeth’s witches for Lynda’s Elizabethan Christmas.

They’ve asked Susan and Jill.

Ruth asks Ed if Clarrie would do it:

[Ed] “Funnily enough, I couldn’t tell you.”

(where is Clarrie and why can’t she speak for herself?)

Though it seems Ruth does get a message to Clarrie, and she says no.

Hilary Noakes has also said no. Actually, she was offended to be asked.

So – after Susan, Jill, Clarrie and Hilary Noakes – Ruth asks Lilian.

[Lilian] “It might be a distraction, All the girls together!”

[Ruth] “Brilliant. Welcome to the coven!”

Nic tackles Emma

Nic tries to talk to Emma about George spending more time at her and Will’s. Though she does so by phone (which is sensible – impossible for Emma to cause bodily harm).

She tries to explain that it her and Ed who are missing out, rather than the kids. She knows Ed and Emma have been eating less, and having nothing for themselves, so that the kids can have.

Nic tells Emma that she, amongst all, understand her position. Nic was a single mum with Jake and Mia before she met Will. She had no job. Didn’t get out. Could only afford to heat their lounge. And had to buy alphabetti spaghetti on clearance.

[Nic] “I couldn’t bear for anyone to see how much I was struggling … we all go through tough times. There’s no shame in accepting help.”

Nic and Will are only suggesting George stays with them one extra night. And Nic empathises that she’s not suggesting she and Will could look after George better.

[Nic] “Anyone can see what a  great mum you are. I know we haven’t always got along, but we are family and we all care about George. If having George over to sleep one extra night helps you and Ed …”

Nic also tells Emma that Will’s sorry (hmmm!). And anyone, Emma should just ignore him.

[Nic] “We both know he can be an idiot sometimes!”

Even Jennifer’s ignoring Lilian

[Lilian] “She’s at the front door as soon as I’ve finished breakfast, and she’s still cooing over James at dinner.”

Lilian’s trying to talk to Jennifer, but Jennifer is far too busy. She’s trying to get the food organised for the shoot (the first of the year).

[Lilian] “All I want is a little support.”

Lucky Lilian has Paul …


Bovril!

Only really posh folks like those whom shoot with Brian and Will drink beef tea.

It’s Bovril to the rest of us.

Especially at this time of year at the football.

(as a totally unrelated aside – I’m a season ticket supporter at Queen of the South (Scottish second Division) who are the only unbeaten team in Scotland this season so far, and only one of two unbeaten on the UK. That Bovril tastes superb right now!)


Ed’s worried what they’ll say down the pub

Emma tells Ed what Nic has said.

Ed says no.

Emma thinks Nic is genuine. And that Nic is right. They’re not coping.

Ed’s worried Will will tell everyone down the pub that he and Emma are useless.

[Emma] “Well, it’s what George wants too.”

Emma drops the bombshell that George had said so the other day. He wants to spend more time at his dad’s to help his mum and Ed save money.

Which it would.

[Emma] “It’s hardly surprisingly. It’s not as if things are much fine round here.”

[Ed] “Things aren’t so bad that he’d be better off with Will!”

[Emma] “I actually started to think it would be a relief not having George so much … we can’t stop pretending … Will is his father. If anyone looks after George, it should be him.”

(ouch!)

[Ed] “I see.”

[Emma] “Where are you going?”

[Ed] “To scrape a living.”

Later on, Ed apologies to Emma for storming out.

[Ed] “I hate Will lording it over us.”

[Emma] “Still doesn’t change anything, does it … this way … it might be better for all of us. It'd give us a break. George would like it. And it would save a bit of money.”

Emma is placing her trust in Nic. That she is being genuine. And that they won’t try and take more of George.

[Emma] “I know you’re a good dad. And if Will gloats, then let him. As if that’s the worst of our problems.”

[Ed] “I will sort it out Em. It won’t always be like this.”

George doesn’t like cheap cereal: Tues 06.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 6th November 2012

• Brenda’s having a horrid time, Tom isn’t listening
• Nic to the rescue
• Brenda’s printer is broken
• Does Speakman’s like salty ready meals?
• Jamie got the job
• Brenda’s computer is broken

Brenda’s having a horrid time, Tom isn’t listening

Brenda actually missed Bonfire Night (even though she just lives over the way from The Bull) because she was in bed early. Knackered.

Leonie seems to be causing havoc at Lilian and Matt’s.

[Brenda] “She was at the Dower House all yesterday, which means Matt's even in a worse mood.”

So, Brenda is getting shouted at by a bad tempered Matt, a bad tempered Lilian, a constantly rude James and a vitriolic Leonie.

Does Tom hear that?

No.

He’s too busy talking about pigs in blankets and what he’d sold at Bonfire night.

[Brenda] “What do you think I should do though. I’m not prepared to be treated like a dogsbody.”

Tom doesn’t have time to answer. He’s off out again.

What is it with the Ambridge men at the moment?

Tom wants to marry Brenda. She doesn’t seem to be too interested these days. Instead of treating her as gold to get her interested, he ignores her.

Matt knows Lilian has a fondness for his half-brother Paul. He took her to Paris to remind her how much he loves her, and how good they are together. Since then, he’s treating her like pants.

Odd way to keep their women still their women.


Nic to the rescue

Nic’s in a foul mood with Will. Seems he and Ed spent all of Bonfire Night glaring at each other.

Though Will claims the kids still had a great time, Nic reckons:

[Nic] “But only because me and Emma managed to keep you both apart.”

Will sees himself as just looking after his son.

But, Nic later calms down when George asks her to buy the cereal he likes. The proper brand, not the cheap replica Emma buys him.

That seems to have struck a chord with Nic.

[Nic] “It’s because they’ve got no money Will … can’t you see that they’re struggling …  we are lucky. You earn a good wage, and our home comes with the job.”

And, Will’s house on the Green (that Tom and Brenda rent) was gifted to him, not earned.

[Nic] “You’ve told me what it was like growing up, you know how hard it can be making ends meet, especially today.”

So, Nic agrees that it would be better for everyone if George does spend more nights with them.

[Nic] “The way you went about it was appalling. But it’s still a good idea.”

But, Nic is going to do the suggesting this time.


Brenda’s printer is broken

Shame.


Does Speakman’s like salty ready meals?

Seems so.

They placed another order with Tom.


Jamie got the job

I didn’t even know he’d gone for one.

He’s to be a groundsman with some chap called Isaac. And, he’ll be doing courses to learn felling, climbing, and using a chainsaw – which will take him up to 3 years to complete.

[Jamie] “It’s like a  proper job, It’s no longer than Uni, and at least some of the time I’d be getting paid. And I’d enjoy it.”

Though Kathy obviously still wants Jamie to be Cambridge material, she’s accepting that he’s passionate about becoming a tree surgeon.


Brenda’s computer is broken

Shame.

Seems Lilian told her to lend it to James, who then managed to encrypt all of the files.

Which means Brenda has to stay late to fix it, rather than have dinner (salty ready meals?) with Tom.

He still doesn’t seem to notice she’s having a horrid time.

Robert had a sausage! In a bap!!!: Mon 05.11.12 #thearchers

(Bonfire Night 2012)

The Archers Monday 5th November 2012

• Hourly breaks for smokers
• Robert’s started The Globe
• Kenton’s the binding agent
• Hilary Noakes is right!
• David’s happy for Kenton
• Tomato sauce gave the game away
• Leonie seems to be back for good

Hourly breaks for smokers

Is what Naomi has persuaded Fallon is the norm at Jaxx.

Kirsty says it isn’t, so Fallon calls Kenton. Who confirms it isn’t.

When Fallon asks Naomi is she’s sure about the rule, Naomi gets uppity that she’s being called a liar.

Oh dear.

Not to happy a start to Fallon’s managerial career.


Robert’s started The Globe

He really is Lynda’s perfect match.


Kenton’s the binding agent

[Lynda] “It feels so unfocused. A song here, a sonnet there …”

Lynda’s worried that her Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza isn’t really hanging together.

Robert’s on grand form again:

[Robert] “What you need is a Lord of Misrule … he could act as a sort of compare.”

And who could that Lord of Misrule be?

[Lynda] “You would be the thread running through the whole production, bringing the show to life, and drawing it to a close.”

[Kenton] “Sorry Lynda, but …”

[Lynda] “The Lord of Misrule … with your natural bon ami and sense of mischief.”

[Kenton] “Well I’ve been called plenty else, but Lord of Misrule, it does have a certain ring to it …”

[Lynda] “Can I take that as a yes then? It won’t work without a start performer of your quality.”

[Kenton] “No, I’m sorry Lynda, Jolene won’t forgive me if I duck out of my duties at The Bull.”

[Robert] “Very wise, don’t upset the boss.”

[Lynda] “Robert!”

[Robert] “See …”

[Lynda] “Honestly, off all the times for him to decide to be sensible.”

So, Lynda asks Jolene. Jolene’s fine about it, and (actually) Kenton did want to do it.

Two minutes behind the bar, and Kenton’s already taking time off.

Ach well.

Jolene must know what she’s doing. I;m sure having less hands is fine during her busiest time of year.


Hilary Noakes is right!

Now that’s a rare thing.

David and Kenton are getting the fireworks ready.

They’re actually being a bit mean. They’re placing them:

[Kenton] “Where will we be closest to Hilary Noakes’ house … give her bird a fright!”

Now,  Hilary Noakes was wrong to complain last year about the village green being singed. It always gets repaired.

This year, she’s complaining that her cockatoo will be scared by the noise.

Which is actually fair enough. There’s a lot of other Ambridge pets who will live in dread of this night.


David’s happy for Kenton

Goodness me!

[David] “Well would you look at that. An Archer back behind the bar of The Bull.”

[Kenton] “I’ve travelled so far, and where do I end up. At The Bull, in Ambridge.”

[David] “The way it’s worked out between you and Jolene, I’m really cuffed for you mate.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard David say something nice to Kenton.

Maybe Kenton really is home for good at The Bull.


Tomato sauce gave the game away

Lynda wants to go home from the bonfire night.

[Lynda] “If you’d just come home for dinner … a sausage, in a  bap! And you’ve got tomato ketchup on your face!!!”

[Robert] “You’d better come and lick it off …”

Wow.

What a brave chap he is.


Leonie seems to be back for good

(with James)

Seems Robert and Leonie were the last to know that Leonie was intending to fly to James in his hour of need.

[Lynda] “He’s not an ex now. She’s saying he’s the live of her life … she does seem genuinely happy.”

Oh, that just makes me shudder.

James and Leonie are back together *sigh*: Sun 04.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 4th November 2012

• Maybe better choose a cheaper car?
• Lilian thought it was bad enough … then Leonie arrived
• George’s squash isn’t strong enough
• George wants to stay with Will

Maybe better choose a cheaper car?

Ed and Emma are our choosing a car.

Ed wants to get one that’s more than they afford. He wants to make sure he has a super safe one, and he can also still hear Will taunting him.

Them getting the car means Ed will have to get extra work in somehow.

Petrol Pump guy, doorman … anything.

Trouble is, there isn’t anything.

And if there was, would Ed have time?


Lilian thought it was bad enough … then Leonie arrived

Poor Lilian.

Her menfolk are driving her potty.

She’s crying to get supper sorted. Matt’s getting in the way (muttering “stupid idiot” to James under his breath). James in getting in the way, trying to poor himself some wine.

Matt reaches for the carving knife. James drops the wine. Then the door goes.

It’s Leonie.

She’d rushed over after hearing about James’ “horrific accident”.

And … they reconcile.

[Leonie] “Still, at least if there is a silver lining, I’m here now … maybe it’s fate. I have missed you, James.”

James concurs.

[James] “I should have been more understanding. You can’t help being you. That’s what makes you so special. You’re my silly sausage!”

Leonie has even taken a week’s compassionate leave. So she can stay around to help.

On that bombshell, Matt leaves the room to go to meet a colleague (on a Sunday!).

Lilian begs to go with him, but he refuses.

Bad Matt!

Yet another black mark against him.


George’s squash isn’t strong enough

Which will be Emma trying to make it last.

But it doesn’t taste of anything.

Poor wee George.


George wants to stay with Will

Ed comes back home, and manages to wind the whole family up.

[Emma] “We were all perfectly happy until you came back from your dads!”

George runs off crying.

When Emma goes to see him, he asks if he should stay with his dad more often.

George reckons that it would cost his mum and Ed less. And also make them more happy … aw!

Emma tells George that’s adult worries, not his.

But she should listen to him.

It may be hard, but she and Ed need every penny they can get.

Lilian’s favourite film is Steel Magnolias: Fri 02.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 2nd November 2012

• Jim to be published, Mike to be famous
• Cheese scones
• Will and Ed argue
• Lilian picks a good DVD
• Paul and Lilian flirt
• Daniel wants an internship in America

Jim to be published, Mike to be famous

Borchester Life has said yes to Jim’s article about Mike. Indeed, they’ve said yes to a series of similar articles.

[Jim] “Workmanlike and accessible … so you see, I have got the common touch.”

Christine admits she goaded Jim into doing the article:

[Jim] “Well, to use Jazzer’s vernacular, I’m gobsmacked.”

Cheese scones

[Christine] “Have you bought the paper … then we can tackle the crossword over a cheese scone.”

[Jim] “Temptress.”

And after they’d had their scones:

[Jim] “The scones are revelatory today .”

Phew!

Such fiery flirting!


Will and Ed argue

That’s more familiar territory for them. I always had the feeling their cease fire was quite strained.

Will goes to Ed and Emma’s to tackle them about George suffering due to their poverty.

[Will] “Personally, I wouldn’t care if you lived in the gutter, but it’s affecting George …I am, not having him go hungry because of you pride.”

[Ed] “You're overstepping the mark!”

[Will] “I’m putting George first, which is something you’ll never do.”

Will then drops the bombshell that he and Nic think George should spend more nights at theirs.

[Will] “ … be happier knowing his tummy was full more often … He’s not safe with you. You can’t look after him properly … It’s good at least one of us can provide for him, since he’s living like a pauper here … you’ve got no self-respect, you never have had!”

[Ed] “You know what, I hope this shoot collapses and you lose your previous job … your smug little world come crashing round your ears!!!”

Lilian picks a good DVD

Seems James is up and about now.

And he’s feeling grateful to Lilian. He even thanked her for getting him a good DVD (after being highly critical of Lilian and Matt’s collection).

[Lilian] “That just goes to show how the men in this household underestimate me.”

Paul and Lilian flirt

And  in a  rather more serious manner than Christine and Jim …

Paul called Lilian while she was in her bedroom for a wee lie down. Paul was in a B&B bedroom.

Lilian asked him what his room was like:

[Lilian] “So I can picture you in it.”

Oo-er!

Seems the wonderful DVD Lilian had got for James was chosen by Paul … so Lilian isn’t as entirely independently wonderful as she made out.

Paul asks Lilian what her favourite film is.

Steel Magnolias was Lilian’s reply.

(really? I thought Barbarella, or the like, would be more Lilian’s style)

Wow.

Those two are most definitely in the opening stages of a relationship. Wonder how fare Lilian will let it get to this time.


Daniel wants an internship in America

Interesting.

If he does do, we’ll have to start taking bets on how many years it’ll be until he returns.

40p off of turkey slices: Thurs 01.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 1st November 2012

• Ed and Emma are sleeping apart
• Damn rural buses!
• George is the poor kid
• Will demands better

Ed and Emma are sleeping apart

Yup, things can get worse for them.

Emma’s even reminded of the time they had to live in the caravan … it is indeed really that grim.

The self-confessed Princess is really struggling. She was used to a “cosy “ home growing up, where Ed was used to ice on the inside of the Grundy household.

Though Emma is feeling philosophical:

[Emma] “Nanny used to say you should cut your clothes to match your cloth.”

She’s also being practical.

She’s decided she’s not going to London.

[Emma] “I can’t face Jody. Not like this.”

[Ed] “You look alright.”

[Emma] “You used to say I looked gorgeous.”

(oh dear! Amateur error there Ed)

[Emma] “I would love to go for a cappuccino just because … lippy … tube of hand cream …
I miss being careless … our life is either about 40p off a packet of turkey slices or an £87 water bill. There’s nothing in-between anymore. The fun things have all gone.”

As well as her schoolmate Jody having escaped Ambridge and now marrying a rich chap, Emma also has to watch other Ambridge ladies doing well. Alice, with her new job. Pip, going skiing.

[Ed] “We had to fight so hard to be together, now more than ever. We need to keep fighting, or this will tear us apart.”

Indeed.


Damn rural buses!

Emma’s literally stuck in the house now that they don’t have their car.

[Emma] “Especially since they cut the buses.”

Aye, same round our way.

It took me nearly 2 hours to do what would be a 20 minute journey in a car the other day. And that bus only runs every third Sunday at 6.30am.

Touch wood my van keeps it up!


George is the poor kid

Every class had at least one.

The kid who never had a decent lunch with them. Threadbare clothes. Often a bit smelly …

As Emma pulls out clothes for George that she’d taken from Ruth’s family sloppy seconds, she finds a football shirt.

Ed points out it’s for the wrong team, but Emma doesn’t give a hoot. It’ll do, even though:

[Emma] “He always looks the poorest in this class.”

Will demands better

George let slip to Will that he and Emma had been stranded in their car, next to a main road.

Will’s fuming.

[Will] “He’s been letting George ride around in a rust bucket … No wonder he was crying in the night.”

Strangely enough, Eddie then tells Will everything (according to Will – we didn’t get to hear it). I thought Eddie would have had more tact.

[Will] “Dad’s just told me they're living hand to mouth at Rickyard.”

And they’re in debt.

[George] “It’s not what I wasn’t for George. And what are they spending his maintenance on eh, cause it sure as hell ain't George.”

[Nic] “They wouldn’t deprive the children.”

[Will] “On bills I bet.”

(well, surely they need to use the maintenance for at least a share of the bills?)

[Will] “What if he's going hungry … I can’t bear the thought of it. It would be a start if he came to use more often.”

[Nic] “If you square it with Emma …”

[Will] “She doesn’t have a leg to stand on now!”

Though Nic tells Will to take it calm, do we hear a custody battle ahoy?

Joe has new teeth: Wed 31.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 31st October 2012

• Fallon’s first night at Jaxx
• The cost of dentures today
• It’s a year since Ivy died
• Joe’s not a fan of trick or treat
• Ed and Emma in, with the lights off
• Emma and George get stranded
• Fat Paul had cardboard AND a pen!
• Folks were poorer back in the day

Fallon’s first night at Jaxx

She’s got themed cocktails. She’s got themed music. (Halloween, of course). She’s got most of Ambridge in for her first night.

(Actually, could this hurt The Bull’s profits? That’d be a tad ironic)


The cost of dentures today

Is not making Joe a happy chappy.


It’s a year since Ivy died

[Emma] “Everything’s gone wrong since then.”

That’s strange.

Emma never struck me as very close to her granny.


Joe’s not a fan of trick or treat

[Joe] “That, eh, treat or trickin, it’s demanding sweets by menaces.”

I quite agree, Joe.

We used to go guising. With a turnip (not a pumpkin – you have to work a turnip for days to get it hollowed out). And with a practised party piece (not just a naff joke, or an outright demand for sweets).

Back in Joe’s day, it was also a bit more gothic.

He used to be scared to look in the mirror at Halloween in case he saw a ghost.


Ed and Emma in, with the lights off

They can’t afford sweets to give to the kids.

Though Joe thinks the lights are off for a decent reason:

[Joe] “Some things are still free, eh.”

[Ed] “You got a long memory granddad!”

Cheeky of Joe.

And a bit disturbing, considering Ed’s his grandson.


Emma and George get stranded

As Emma’s driving George home, smoke starts coming out of the car.

She has to pull over, and get George up the bank. They’re on a rather busy bypass.

Eddie came to save them, but Emma’s fuming with Ed.

She blames him for not getting the car fixed. And that’s it too old anyhoo.

[Emma] “Me and George could have died on the dual carriageway.”

(could’ve - didn’t … not need for drama)

[Ed] “You don’t half mollycoddle him you know!”

(eh?)

So the car’s knackered. They’d just put £20 of petrol in hit. And they need a new car.

Which they don’t have the ready money for, so Ed suggests a loan.

[Emma] “No more debt, we’re drowning in it.”

[Ed] “If you were better at managing …”

[Emma] “Don’t you dare out this on me.”

[Ed] “It was you who spent all the money we put aside for the water bill.”

[Emma] “You expect me to leave money in a drawer when we’ve run out of food?”

Emma reckons she’s proud she’s just about managing to cope. Ed’s angry at himself for not providing.

Such anger.

Oh. So. Grim.


Fat Paul had cardboard AND a pen!

Well done Fat Paul.

It meant that when Eddie went to his to get to tow sorted for Emma, they were proper and legal driving back.


Folks were poorer back in the day

According to Joe.

[Joe] “People ain't poor like the old days, though.”

[Eddie] “Maybe, but they’ve got bigger debts.”

Brenda gets revenge on James: Tues 30.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 30th October 2012

• James is losing money and getting fat
• Angels on horseback, Devils on horseback … Tom’s a bore!
• Brenda’s revenge serves cold (soup)
• Is Matt jealous of James?

James is losing money and getting fat

Though he does seem to like his bell. It’s certainly getting a lot of use.

Not so cheerful for James is that he’s lost a client. Seems this one likes face-to-face only, so sacked him.

[Matt] “Lucky escape for someone .. .you’d have to be desperate, I wouldn’t trust him to manage a flea circus … he’s an amateur who’s learned the jargon.”

(‘consultants’ seem to be akin to the devil these days)

James also thinks he’s getting “flab”, lying around all day. That doesn’t stop him eating. Though Lilian has had to go out, so the food isn’t up to the usual standard.

Mushroom soup in a pouch.

Worse still, it means James is at the mercy of Matt.

[Matt] “She’s gone, you’ve got nurse ratchet instead.”

Matt asks James if he wants a sandwich with his soup. James says no. Then says yes. But Matt now won’t make him one.

Let the duel commence … :

[James] “You know, it’s not easy being trapped in sleepy old Ambridge. I feel like a tagged prisoner.”

Course, that’s a dig at Matt. Which Matt reckons James must have been thinking up for a while.

So Matt puts the remote out of James’ reach.

[Matt] “You know what they say, a man’s reach should always exceed his grasp, old chap.”

And with that, Matt walks out and leaves Brenda to cope with the bell ringing James.


Angels on horseback, Devils on horseback … Tom’s a bore!

Poor Lilian.

She got cornered by Tom. He was wittering on about Jolene’s suggestion that he should make Angels on Horseback.

Which starts thinking about the differences between Angels and Devil’s.

Seems an Angel is an oyster (wrapped in bacon), a Devil is a prune (wrapped in bacon).

AND, Pigs in Clover is sausages in a backed tattie.

Riveting.

It was enough to send Lilian back to the hell that currently in the Dower House.


Brenda’s revenge serves cold (soup)

[James] “It’s cock up catering services with ma off the premises.”

James really is oblivious. He must surely have noticed that Brenda doesn’t like him (after their murky past), yet that doesn’t stop him making demands of her.

[James] “Could you show some beverage leadership and bring me a coffee?”

So Brenda takes away his bell until he “learns manners”.

She’d also not heated his soup up properly on purpose.

[Tom] “It’s true then, revenge is best served cold.”

Ha!


Is Matt jealous of James?

That’s what Paul reckons (when he calls Lilian).

She explains that James was hit hard when his dad died (when James was so young). And that she has mothered him a bit too much.

I suppose that could explain why James is such an odious creep.

But I think Matt would have been disagreeable to any offspring of Lilian’s.

He just didn’t want kids.

Josh is a proper chicken botherer: Mon 29.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 29th October 2012

• The chickens or Phoebe?
• Emma accepts a £6.99 wizard costume is better than a sheet
• Ed’s cows are bulling
• Emma’s spent the water bill money
• Brookfield’s going out for pizza

The chickens or Phoebe?

Josh is back at Hayley and Neil’s chickens again.

He’s fixing a plank that had come lose, and Phoebe had tripped on.

Neil explains that the chicken’s was something he and Betty had started. Then Hayley took it over, but it’s been proving a job too much.

Josh wants to work the chickens.

Neil agrees. Josh will do every weekend, feeding, collecting and scraping. Hayley will still pack and grade them.

Josh will get a whopping £30 a week, and is on a three month trial. But, that all depends on the Council agreeing (oh good god!).

[David] “With you being a youngster.”

[Josh] “No one says youngsters!”

Question is – is Josh just working for the love of a woman …?


Emma accepts a £6.99 wizard costume is better than a sheet

Emma’s calmed down today.

She’s happy (ish) for George to go to the Safari with Will. And she’s happy George has a proper outfit for Halloween. She wants George to:

[Emma] “Go around the village in a decent outfit and not an old sheet.”

Seems like she’s got a bit of perspective.

Well, until one of Ed’s cows starts hobbling …


Ed’s cows are bulling

Which means they’re mounting each other. Like a bull. But they’re girls.

(they could just be ladies’ ladies)

One of them came off badly (as it were). She’s now crossing her feet, trying to keep her weight off her claw. Which means she’s either fractured it, or she’s got ulcers.

After Alastair’s been round, the cow will have to be on blocks for 2 or 3 months. And the vet bill won’t be too cheap.

The car tax is also due.

Blimey.

‘Grim’ is starting to be an understatement.


Emma’s spent the water bill money

Neil’s popped over to see Emma, just as she opens her water bill.

She’s a tad upset.

Neil’s also a tad upset when he realises that Emma hasn’t had any lunch. Only cake mid-afternoon. He gives her £10 to help out.

(actually, couldn’t Emma have done the chickens?)

When Ed gets home, he’s furious to find that the money they’d been putting aside to pay the water bill is gone. Emma has spent it.

[Ed] “What on?!?”

[Emma] “What do you think, just day to day stuff  … I had no choice Ed. I ran out of money.”

Brookfield’s going out for pizza

To celebrate Josh’s job.

[Josh] “Ah cool, mum. Saves you having to heat one up at home.”

*snort*!

Emma’s rubbish at Halloween costumes: Sun 28.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 28th October 2012

• Safaris,  Supermarkets and sheets
• Topical insert: the clocks have changed
• Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?
• Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett
• Only proper bangers for the big bangs
• Gies a bell

Safaris,  Supermarkets and sheets

Will’s got a day off next Thursday. As it’s half term, he wants to take George with him and their side of the family to a Safari.

Emma sounds irritated. But how can she say no? It’s more than she and Ed can offer.

On the flip side, Ed’s pondering whether to try and get night shifts stacking shelves at Tesco.

Emma reckons not.

They need the money, but neither Ed, nor their marriage, would survive it.

It does seem to be getting worse and worse for Ed and Emma.

They now can’t afford batteries for George’s toys (yikes! A child without toys to occupy them. *shudder*)

[Emma] “He can play with his pet guinea pig instead.”

(we seriously need to get that guinea pig out of there. She doesn’t sound at all appreciated)

But it’s not all doom and gloom. Emma’s found a Halloween party at the library, which is free (and hopefully fun). So, rather than compete with Will, she’s going to do the best with what she has to hand. Which means making George a costume.

[Emma] “I really need something to make that white sheet more interesting …”

Emma sticks stars to it.

But later on, she’s distraught at her creation.

[Emma] “Well if I can’t even make Georgie a Halloween costume, what use am I?”

She starts to panic.

They need oil before Christmas. Winter clothes for Keira. And then there’s Christmas.

To add to her woes, Will drops George back early, without feeding him.

AND Will’s bought George a wizard costume. It was only £6.99 …

AND:

[George] “Mummy, Nic’s food tastes nicer than yours. We had chicken today.”

Oh, goodness me.

I’m starting to really feel sorry for Emma. She is trying, more so than ever.

She bins the costume she’s made:

[Emma] “It’s rubbish. I’m rubbish.”

Ever more grim …


Topical insert: the clocks have changed

It fell to Emma to remind us this year that the clocks have changed:

[Emma] “I feel weird enough today with the clocks changing.”

Cheers Emma!


Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?

Fallon seems to think so.

She thinks Naomi thinks (!) that her (Fallon) getting the job was a “stitch up”.

Well.

Naomi’s not too far off the mark.


Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett

Matt’s rather random bad behaviour continues.

He’s refusing to lift a finger to help James.

Now James may be a pain, but he is Lilian’s son, and he is genuinely hurt.

But no.

Matt won’t help cook (leaving Lilian to do it all). And he won’t check on James when Lilian’s out (so Lilian can’t go out very often). He justifies it by saying he never wanted kids in the first place:

[Matt] “That’s precisely why I never had one, far too demanding.”

And with that, he goes to the pub.

So, Lilian calls Paul to tell him how much of an arse Matt is being. Paul must be delighted to hear that their relationship is rapidly deteriorating.

[Paul] “Isn’t that what Alf Garnett used to say, ‘I’m going down the pub’?”

Only proper bangers for the big bangs

Jolene’s organising The Bull’s Bonfire night. She stresses to Tom that she wants his traditional sausages, not the spicy ones.

Seems only “proper” sausages will do.


Gies a bell

Lilian’s had to borrow the closing time bell from The Bull to give to James.

Does that means there’s no closing time?

Lynda’s getting romantic about cows: Fri 26.10.12

The Archers Friday 26th October 2012

• No extra for Ed or Emma
• Even the cows inspire Lynda
• Lynda’s cast expands
• Will they, won’t they?

No extra for Ed or Emma

We already know about their lack of bread, but seems Ed and Emma are also low on marg.

Ed’s not even allowed to scrape the last of it out with his finger. They need that for the kids.

It’s grim.

[Emma] “I’m not asking for the lottery. Just a bit extra to get by.”

At last, Emma’s trying to get work (she must have heard me ranting). But she’s not having any luck. The Orangery at Lower Loxley only needs her once in a while. The cards asking for cleaners in the shop should have been taken down, as the work is gone. Emma tried an agency, but they won’t let her take Keira with her to work (which would defeat the point of working, due to nursery costs. If she can get into one).

[Emma] “I want to work … I should be backing you up.”

[Ed] “Nothing’s more important than what you do … I don’t want anyone else looking after them … maybe what you’re doing know will make it better for Keira growing up.”

So, Ed decides he needs to find more work. Even though he has only a few hours away from work as it is.

He asks Tom, making out they just need the extra cash for Christmas. Ed’s mortified at having to ask, Tom’s mortified at him asking. And then having to say no.

How desperately grim.


Even the cows inspire Lynda

Lynda’s getting very frisky indeed about her Elizabethan Christmas.

[Lynda] “Well, I’m feeling inspired. The bard, you know … your cows look so cosy, or am I romancing Tom?”

Just romancing, Tom reckons.

He has to deal with what comes out the other end of them.


Lynda’s cast expands

Oliver is going to read one of Shakespeare’s sonnets.

Caroline will do something, but hasn’t decided one as yet.

[Ed] “You should ask Jazzer, he does love the sound of his own voice.”

[Lynda] “He’ll only single Elizabethan ballads if we can find him some bawdy ones!”

Though Lynda has a cunning plan. She’ll just give him ballads which sound as if they’re rude:

[Lynda] “It doesn’t really matter what the words mean, as long as he believes it’s smutty.”

Pip’s going to be musical director (eh?)

And Patrick’s going to be their pianist again.


Will they, won’t they?
Rhys and Fallon are practising their romantic scene.

(Just like Harry and Fallon had to do)

Their piece is about the characters not knowing that they’re meant for each.

[Rhys] “The audience should just be screaming at the end, ‘just get together, everyone can see it but you’.”

*sigh*

Doesn’t any young person just get their leg over these days?

(well, Jazzer excepted)

James uses Matt’s remote: Thurs 25.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 25th October 2012

• Not a warm welcome for James
• Joe’s teeth startle Peggy
• Peggy, Jack and a box of leaves
• Tom has a “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”
• A fag and a chat with Paul
• Too salty!

Not a warm welcome for James

Matt’s obviously not remotely amused that he has to suffer (a broken) James in  his (and Lilian’s) house.

He reckons that, despite his broken leg and the trauma of being in a car crash, James is a “lucky boy”.

[Matt] “Here’s you, with Lilian running round after you … Keep your orders to a minimum, keep yourself from under her feet, and keep yourself busy.”

It doesn’t get off to a good start.

James manages to get to the remote before Matt does … oh dear.


Joe’s teeth startle Peggy

She doesn’t need that sort of shock at her stage of life.


Peggy, Jack and a box of leaves

Peggy’s collected autumn leaves and berries to talk to Jack at the Laurels. They’re going to look at them, feel them and talk about them.

Sounds marvellous.

Jack’s a lucky chap indeed.


Tom has a “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”

Tom’s still banging on about what Christmas special he can sell.

Takes Peggy to have the bright idea.

She reasons that the:

[Peggy] “One thing the Christmas cooks need is time”

So, she suggests Tom markets his ready meals as a time save in the run up to Christmas.

[Tom] “Gran, you are a legend”

Brenda concurs.

[Brenda] “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”

[Tom] “Or man.”

[Brenda] “Yeah but it's usually a woman, and a man wouldn't stress about it in the same way.”

Hmmm.


A fag and a chat with Paul

Lilian’s a tad stressed herself, running round after James, and having to suffer Matt not quietly suffering James.

As she’s out for a cigarette, Paul telephones her, and calls her a “kind and loving woman.”

Keep this up Paul … she’ll be yours in not time.

(though it’s not been proved yet whether Paul is actually the nicer or better of the two brothers)


Too salty!

Tom’s readymade meals, ready made by another company, are ready.

(sorry!)

[Brenda] “Well done Tom. Can’t believe someone else has finally cooked them.”

The casserole tastes grand.

But the meatballs are too salty.

That’s a shame.

[Tom] “Someone’s going to come in to a rather unpleasant answerphone message in the morning!”

Steady on there Tom.

That’s fighting talk, that is.

Joe’s got his second best teeth in: Wed 24.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 24th October 2012

• What’s cheaper: village shop or supermarket?
• Joe’s second best teeth
• Freddie’s getting a maths tutor
• Adam’s enthusiastic

What’s cheaper: village shop or supermarket?

One could be forgiven for thinking supermarkets are always cheaper, but there’s the petrol to consider.

It’s a conundrum Emma has to ponder.

As she does, while buying nappies, Neil comes in to pay her way.

Which she didn’t ask for, didn’t immediately accept and was grateful for.

Later on, while at Neil and Susan’s, Emma asks if she can take a slice of pie back for Ed (poor chap always loses out to the kids), and Neil gives her some sausages. Sausages are, after all, aplenty at Neil and Susan’s.

Again, Emma was very grateful.

Will this humbling experience actually make Emma a better person?


Joe’s second best teeth

After losing his best pair in the apple scratter, Joe has to resort to his second best pair.

[Joe] “Not very comfy, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

Trouble is, Joe’s second best pair shock (yes, shock!) people.

Seems they’re very white indeed. To the extent that Ruth even calls them American.

[David] “When he grinned at me, I didn’t know whether to smile back or run for the hills … talk about the big bad wolf … and the colour, good grief!”

[Neil] “They’re florescent.”

As you may remember from Apple Day, neither Joe nor Eddie told anyone that Joe’s other pair of teeth was smashed into the cider.

Though Joe’s not very good at keeping secrets:

[Joe] “You might say it was the apples getting their own back.”

Joe does realise he’s saying too much, so slopes off before everyone twigs. Which, of course, they have:

[David] “Ah, probably best not to think about it.”

Freddie’s getting a maths tutor

Poor Freddie.

But it’ll be Ifty.

That’ll soften the blow, surely?

A nice chap who likes cricket. What more could Freddie want?

Not having to do extra maths, maybe … ?


Adam’s enthusiastic

Which David’s glad to see, even though he thinks it’s because Adam is getting excited about the Super Dairy.

I suspect it might have more to do with Adam realising he’s never had it so good with Ian … post Pavel.

Fallon to leave The Bull: Tues 23.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 23rd October 2012

• Fallon’s the new Manager of jazz
• Brenda’s life just gets worse
• When Fallon Met Rhys
• Christmas pudding shapes sausages
• A jobless Christmas?

Fallon’s the new Manager of jazz

Despite being rather reserved during the interview, it seems Don was impressed by Fallon’s “ideas, warmth and charm”.

She’s got the job, on a three month trial.

[Rhys] “You are perfect for the job. It’ll be great.”

Rhys didn’t sound too enthusiastic, neither did Fallon, about not working together.

Aw, they’re going to miss each other.


Brenda’s life just gets worse

Engaged to Tom. Works for Matt (and Lilian – who hates Busty Brenda) and now she has to suffer James also being at the Dower House.

[Brenda] “It’s going to be total misery.”

When Fallon Met Rhys

[Tom] “I just don’t get that, how opposites attract thing.”

Rhys is talking about the part he’s play to Fallon’s in (the extract of) Mucho Ado. Brenda reckons is a When Harry Met Sally type of scenario.

Hmmm.

How long do we think Fallon and Rhys are going to draw this out.


Christmas pudding shapes sausages

That does indeed sounds horrid.

[Brenda] “Me and Roy still have nightmares about eating them.”

Tom’s trying to think of a novelty food items for Christmas. Something a bit more exciting than chipolatas.


A jobless Christmas?

The consultant’s at Lower Loxley draws.

Hayley’s terrified.

[Hayley] “Everyone feels like he’s watching their every little move … anyone could be in for the chop.”

And if it’s her and Roy … they’ll need to go round Ed and Emma’s to find out how to make a loaf of bread feed four morning, noon and night.

Fallon’s first job interview: Mon 22.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 22nd October 2012

• Fallon has to prove herself
• Truffles for the sick boy
• At least Lilian has Paul

Fallon has to prove herself

Probably the worst thing Fallon could have done before he interview was to talk to Kenton.

She’s worried about the differences between what she’s used to at The Bull, and what’s done at Jaxx. Especially things like cocktails and wine.

[Kenton] “It’s a bistro. Not the ivy.”

That’s helpful.

But, Kenton does have some good advice:

[Kenton] “I’ll tell you what gives you the edge. It’s that creativity … that’s what makes you special … it’s the perfect place for all your ideas.”

Fallon has to wait an extra 20 minutes while Naomi’s interview runs over. Naomi also leaves her interview with a “big grin” on her face.

Pity Fallon couldn’t be so positive about her interview. Though Jim was nodding and smiling at her, Don didn’t give much away.

[Fallon] “It felt like what I was saying was being swallowed up into some black hole.”

Oh dear. That didn’t sound good.


Truffles for the sick boy

James is insufferable at his best … he’s a nightmare now he has a broken leg.

Hospital most definitely does not suit him:

[James] “My day is only punctuated by sound of some idiot on the TV building, making over or selling a house, and by the delivery of meals.”

(well, he could turn the TV off, for starters)

Lilian’s been shopping for him though, making sure he has healthy food for when he gets back to the Dower House.

Including truffles.

James also has a rather hefty list of things Lilian needs to do for him. Including getting everything from out of his (totalled) car, driving to London to pick up stuff from his flat, and a shopping list for Borchester.

He later begs Lilian to discharge him early. Alongside the TV and food, he’s also finding it hard to sleep.

[James] “Stuck here between the snoring champion of South Borchester on my left and on my right the marathon night mumbler … I can’t wait to come and stay with you. No one looks after me like you do, ma.”

At least Lilian has Paul

Paul called to see how James was.

Lilian was ever delighted to hear from him.

I wonder.

Is Paul just making all of the right noises to get Lilian’s attention? Or does he really give a hoot about her family?

Apple Day 2012: Sun 21.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 21st October

• No coffee for Matt
• Will’s got a healthy population of young birds
• Pin the maggot on the apple???
• Drunk or just nae teeth?
• Will buys George a toffee apple

No coffee for Matt

Relations in the Dower house are a tad acrimonious … even before James arrives from hospital.

Matt asks Lilian is there was any coffee left in the pot.

Lilian didn’t answer him. She just pored herself the last cup.

Lilian then asks if he can clean the tables and do the dishes, as she has to get to the hospital. He says no, he’s too busy.

[Lilian] “I’ll do it myself. I might have known you wouldn’t lift a finger to help, it’s exactly what I’ve come to expect!”

Matt also doesn’t go with Lilian to hospital, sending a very insincere ‘best’ instead.

[Lilian] “Of course, work was always your priority, even on a Sunday.”

[Matt] “I’m not point scoring Lilian, but someone’s got to keep the business ticking over”.

Later on, not content with going to see James in hospital, Matt adds insult to injury:

[Matt] “Don’t worry, I know he’s in pain, but he was probably playing it up a bit … putting it on a bit to get you sympathy.”

[Lilian] “Next you’ll be saying he’ll be okay to go straight back to London.”

Seriously – why is Matt suddenly doing himself no favours?

Does he actually want Lilian to run off with Paul?


Will’s got a healthy population of young birds

Lucky Will!

(I know … I say the same sort of crass thing every year)

With bookings for the shoot down, Will has plenty to see them right through the season. November and December will be as usual, but they may have to close the season in January due to a lack of demand.

Less bankers with bonuses this year?


Pin the maggot on the apple???

Eh?

Is that a normal Apple Day activity?

The longest peel competition and toffee apples, I can more than understand.

But pin the maggot on the apple, with the one who pins the maggot closest to the middle wins? Surely that’s just odd.


Drunk or just nae teeth?

As Joe was demonstrating the apple scratter, he sounded most decidedly tipsy.

But it was just that he didn’t have his teeth in. Again.

He’d put them on the scratter somewhere, and reckons they must have fallen in.

[Joe] “They’ve been scrunched to smithereens!”

[Eddie] “Flipping ‘eck, a side of bacon is one thing, a frat even, but a set of false teeth in the cider! … Listen dad, you’ll have to keep your mouth shut. Don’t smile, don’t speak to anyone … I’m not having Jim dock our cider allocation.”

Yuck!


Will buys George a toffee apple
Emma is not amused. She’d already told George that he couldn’t have one.

[Emma] “Thought you’d come over and splash the cash in front of everyone … it’s undermining me, undermining me in front of the kids.”

[Will] “You’re not the only one who has charge of George, and I'm not going to ask your permission for everything I do for him.”

 Oops.

Will has a point. But so does Emma.

Where’s Clarrie? She should be refereeing this one.

Paul rescues Lilian: Fri 19.10.12

The Archers Friday 19th October 2012

• It’s the same night as the day before
• Of course he wouldn’t leave Lilian alone
• Brian gets his man
• James’ car has a waiting list
• The Rotarians are tiring Kathy
• Jamie makes Kathy a cup of tea
• Jamie wants to work for himself

It’s the same night as the day before

How odd.

That means we’ll never get to hear what happened in Ambridge on Friday 19th October 2012 .

I hope the trickery and randomness of Ambridge Extra isn’t going to influence our usual microphone placing people …

I also got confused with my notes yesterday. It was only tonight that Jennifer gets home to find out Alice has her MSC.

How confusing!


Of course he wouldn’t leave Lilian alone

[Paul] “It’s no good, you’re not going to get a skinny mochachino, no foam, out of that thing.”

Lilian called, Paul came running.

[Paul] “Lilian, of course I came. There’s no way I’d leave you on your own with this.”

Paul sits with Lilian, and helps her to get some answers, only leaving when Lilian’s allowed to see James … and in case Matt turns up (which is unlikely. Matt will still be boozing with his mates).

Paul returns later to drive Lilian back home in her own car, stopping off at a pub to then get a taxi back to his.

Inconvenient, but that’s what one does for the one one loves. (eh Matt)

[Paul] “I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing anything else.”

Brian gets his man

Rob said yes.

That’ll mean we’ll be welcoming some new Ambridge residents soon.


James’ car has a waiting list

James has an nondisplaced spiral fracture of the tibia.

[James] “and they keep telling me I’m lucky”

He didn’t need an operation, but will have his leg in plaster for three months, and won’t be able to walk properly for another couple of months after that.

[James] “How am I going to manage? Oh Ma!”

Well, he’ll be managing because Lilian will be looking after him. She’s insisting he comes to stay at the Dower House.

Seems his car didn’t come out of it so well. It’s a complete write off.

Though the car let him down:

[James] “I shouldn’t have been hurt at all with all the safety features it has.”

He is more worried about the car than himself:

[James] “Do you have any idea how long the waiting list is for that model, in that colour!?!”

He reckons he wasn’t speeding, and had been drinking … though he does admit (to Lilian) that he was going fast.


The Rotarians are tiring Kathy

Though she didn’t really reveal how and why …


Jamie makes Kathy a cup of tea

Without being asked to!

That boy really is growing up.


Jamie wants to work for himself

So Jamie’s big plan is to work with Mike, then start up his own business. He reckons he could take that business anywhere in the world.

Kathy’s worried about how secure that would be for him, but Jamie pointed out that no job is secure these days.

It sounds like Kathy is actually listening to Jamie, and that Jamie has started to think this through properly.

What a shocker.

No shouting to be found in the Perks’ household!

James in hospital: Thurs 18.10.12

The Archers Thursday 18th October 2012

• Keith hasn’t been sentenced
• Joyce will be home soon
• James has been in an accident
• An all-male shortlist … the thrill!
• Brian needs punched!

Keith hasn’t been sentenced

Goodness, I’d forgotten about Keith.

They’re doing a pre-sentence and psychiatrist report before he’s sentenced.

[Jennifer] “Psychiatric … wonder what that will come up with!”

Steady on Jennifer.

I wouldn’t be too quick to laugh at him … his is family, after all.


Joyce will be home soon

Which is nice. Though sounds like Lilian will miss her one-on-one chats with Arthur.


James has been in an accident
Lilian get a call to say James has been in a car crash.

She rushes off to the hospital, but can’t get through to Matt (I think he was off on a  lads’ night out?).

Though it seems James isn’t too badly hurt. He has a leg injury that may require an operation.

[Lilian] “I might need to nip outside, I need to have a … make a phone call.”

Lilian still can’t get Matt. She also can’t get through to Jennifer.

So who does she call next?

Tony?

No.

Adam?

Nope.

Jolene?

Indeed not.

When Lilian does finally manage to get Matt to answer his phone, he’s very untroubled and unconcerned that James is hurt. He’s more interested in staying at his lads’ do.

[Matt] “Give you a  ring when it wraps up, and if you’re still stuck there, I’ll come and find you … there’s nothing I can do there, I’m not a doctor.”

Lilian tries to tell him that she just needs him there, to be there with her. So that she isn’t alone.

[Matt] “I better go. It’s the cigar break.”

[Lilian] “You ba …. !!!”

So, Lilian calls Paul (of course).

Now I know Matt can be an arse in any situation, but it’s really very odd that he’s not even faking concern about James, just to keep Lilian happy.

Very strange that he made the effort to take Lilian to Paris (trying to sweeten her now that Paul is back around), but now is completely disinterested.

That’ll make things far easier for his half-brother to steal away Matt’s Puss …


An all-male shortlist … the thrill!

Brian’s got the shortlist for the Super Dairy manager down to five.

Though he wants a chap called Rob Titchener to take the job. But Rob needs to talk to his wife first, which annoys Brian.

[Jennifer] “That’s rich coming from you, I’m not always the first person you tell about your businesses decisions, quite the reverse, or even your personal ones for that matter.”

Not sure why we’re spending so much time listening in on Brian’s staffing issues.


Brian needs punched!

(once again!)

Jennifer’s a tad excitable. She’s waiting to hear from Alice – who, if she has passed her degree, will also get a job that’s been offered to her.

But no degree, no job.

Brian’s decreed they’re going out to eat, because Jennifer is so excitable, and he’s also stressed about whether Rob will take the job.

BUT, Brian also decreed that Jennifer would have to leave her mobile at home, while he can take his. Brian’s theory is that Jennifer wouldn’t be able to stop checking it, but wouldn’t be able to do anything about whether Alice has/hasn’t got the job. So, that can wait. In complete contrast to Brian, who needs his phone to be able to sort out the Super Dairy manager position. Something he can control.

[Jennifer] “What about mum?”

[Brian] “What crises? That she can’t find her reading glasses!”

When They got home after their meal, Alice has been trying to call to say she’d passed, and got the job. And, of course, Lilian had been trying to get through about James.

I don’t know why Jennifer lets Brian boss her about like that.

Emma’s folks to the rescue: Wed 17.10.12

The Archers Wednesday 17th October 2012

• The Super Dairy is already causing headaches
• Is no-one looking forward to James’ visit?
• The haves and the have nots
• Should children be clipped to fences?
• Nothing less than the Armada will do for Lynda
• Is Emma selfless?

The Super Dairy is already causing headaches

Literally.

The thumping from the initial building work can be heard all the way over in Brookfield.


Is no-one looking forward to James’ visit?

[David] “We won’t have to see James, will we?”

So the answer is no.

Apart from Lilian, of course.


The haves and the have nots

On the subject of James, David reckons:

[David] “What a  tough time they’re all having in the big smoke.”

In comparison, Brookfield’s doing just fine. Both as a business, and as a family.

Well, that surely can’t last.


Should children be clipped to fences?

I would have thought not.

But it’s what Emma did to Keira while she tried to carry her pram over the (more flooded than usual) ford.


Nothing less than the Armada will do for Lynda

Robert’s managed to persuade Neil to do the scenery for the Christmas show, again.

[Neil] “She wants the armada sailing up the Am as a finale!”

Is Emma selfless?

Neil and Susan are in the know about Emma being invited to her friend’s wedding in London, but not able to afford it.

[Susan] “You know what it is, Emma just never puts herself first .. it’s always about the children, but when it comes to treating herself, she’s forgotten how.”

Really?

Or are Emma and Ed just so skint that Emma doesn’t even have a choice? I can imagine even the most selfish of folks would spend money on themselves when they and their family didn’t even have enough bread to go round.

Anyway – Neil and Susan decide to give Emma £150 for the wedding. At least Emma does have the decent to be both grateful and humble:

[Emma] “at my age, I should be able to pay me own way.”

[Susan] “you are to spend it all on you, understand!”

[Ed] “You’re not to do things on the cheap … Jodie’s going to wish she’d never asked you. You’re going to put her in the shade!”

Though I am a bit amazed at how far Ambridge folks think £150 goes these days. I’d have thought it’d be just enough to cover the train.

So, Emma shall go to the ball after all.

But without Ed:

[Ed] “Me, in London, I don’t think so …”

Ed wants Emma to go: Tues 16.10.12

(to London)

The Archers Tuesday 16th October 2012

• Ed feels rubbish Emma can’t go to the ball
• Kirsty’s nonplussed, Naomi’s a “monster”
• Lynda wants performers

Ed feels rubbish Emma can’t go to the ball

Ed’s found Emma’s invite to her friend’s wedding in London. He wants her to go.

[Emma] “Of course I want to Ed, but when did I last get to do what I want? … One, it’s a wedding, two it’s in London, three it’s a posh wedding, four it’s in London, five I’d have to get a present and six I’ve got nothing to wear.”

Goodness me – such negativity in one so young!

Though Emma has a point that she’s really no right to be going to a “posh” wedding in London when George needs new jeans that they can’t afford, and they have bills to pay but no money to pay them.

(I’ll say it again … get a  job Emma!)

Later trying to find Fallon to see if she could lend Emma some clothes, Ed tells Eddie his woes.

[Ed] “I’d love to be able to do that for her … I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT FOR HER!!!!”

Poor Ed.

And poor Eddie. He’s just as skint, and can’t even offer them a lend.

[Ed] “It’s alright dad, I didn’t expect a bail out.”

[Eddie] “I only wish I could.”

Kirsty’s nonplussed, Naomi’s a “monster”
Fallon’s in a flap about her interview for the manager of Jaxx.

Kirsty’s very quick to reassure that she doesn’t want the job (she only wants to work their part time – quite happy also working part time at Ambridge Organics). And she reckons Naomi also won’t be any competition as she’s a “monster”.

But Fallon’s not convinced. She’d like to pull out of the interview, but that would mean no job for Rhys. If she goes for the interview and doesn’t get the job, that would mean no job for Rhys.

[Kirsty] “What you decide can’t help Rhys either way.”

Lynda wants performers

Lynda’s on the hunt for a cast.

Kirsty tries to say no,, but Lynda isn’t listening.

Fallon’s already said yes, and now needs other “ladies” to join her in singing Hey Nonny Nonny. Though she has Pat and Molly Button, she doesn’t sound too sure that’ll be sufficient.

Susan will be “Mistresses of the Wardrobe”, with Vicky assisting.

Jim’s still not been persuaded to take part, which Lynda is none too amused about.

[Lynda] “You’re not giving me excuses?”

[Kirsty] “Some of us tried!”

Every year it’s the same. Why do Ambridge residents even bother saying no to Lynda when they must know if she wants them on the stage, she’ll get them on the stage.

Jazzer will have to drink at Jaxx: Mon 15.10.12

The Archers Monday 15th October 2012

• Fallon has competition
• Jim’s been teaching Jazzer new tunes
• Jazzer’s gutted
• James is coming to stay, Matt will be going out
• Kenton and Rhys might be out of a job
• Jim obsession with Mike is found out

Fallon has competition

Seems Don (part owner of Jaxx with Jim) wants to interview Fallon. Properly.

[Jim] “He does labour under some illusions of grandeur.”

Problem is, though Kenton knows and trusts Fallon, Don has no ken of her at all.

Kenton assumed far too much. Jim is not amused Kenton has given Fallon such false hope.

[Jim] “Just because swapping jobs work for you.”

Worse still for Fallon, Kirsty and Naomi will also be interviewed for the job. Kirsty’s her pal, and Naomi was temporary manager while Kenton was on holiday.

[Jim] “It’s up to Fallon now to prove her worth.”

[Kenton] “She’s not going to be very impressed, neither will Jolene.”

[Fallon] “A chat, you said, a look see not an interview proper!”

Jim’s been teaching Jazzer new tunes

“You're the cream in my coffee
You're the salt in my stew
You'll always be my necessity
I'd be lost without you”

[Jazzer] “Do you know like it?”

[Fallon] “How do you know it?”

Seems Jim’s been teaching Jazzer Nat King Cole, as well as the classics.


Jazzer’s gutted

Fallon tells Jazzer she might be leaving to work to Jaxx.

[Jazzer] “It will like the day after your birthday, or the day your realise you have to put your favourite t-shirt out for the rags, or the end of a great night, when the music stops and the lights come up.”

Jazzer reckons he won’t even drink in The Bull even more (even though Jim’s is just across the green from it). He’s not looking forward to the cost of taxis to and from Jaxx, as well as having to meet the dress code.

Aw.

It’s a shame Fallon doesn’t love Jazzer.

He certainly does adore her.


James is coming to stay, Matt will be going out

Well, can anyone blame him?


Kenton and Rhys might be out of a job

Jazzer also has a go at Jim:

[Jazzer] “What’s this about you stealing Fallon away to Jaxx? What you playing it … if you think Kenton's ugly mush behind the bar of my local is gonnae cut it, you're wrang."

So, The Bull might lose one of its most regular punters.

But, potentially worse than Fallon getting the job is Fallon not getting the job.

[Kenton] “As far as Jaxx goes, I’ve pretty much burnt my boats.”

Which means Fallon has to go for the job regardless.

And if she doesn’t get it, Kenton would still need a job, so would still work at the Bull.

Which means Rhys would be out of a job.

[Fallon] “Well done Kenton. All this so that you can get your move … do I lose my job here?”

Oops.

Kenton’s done it again.


Jim obsession with Mike is found out

Jim doesn’t know how to resize photos to email them, so asks Jazzer to do the honours.

[Jim] “I think young people’s brains must be wired differently when it comes to technology.”

Looking through the photos, Jazzer can’t help but notice the sheer volume of ones of Mike.

[Jazzer] “Putting on his hard hart, holding his chainsaw, Jim, is there something you want to tell me?”

Seems not.

Rather than just tell Jazzer he’s submitting an article about Mike to Borchester Life, Jim clams up.

Why?

Surely it’s better for Jazzer to know (and potentially knew Jim’s failure, if his article isn’t accepted), than have Jazzer think Jim loves Mike?

Seemingly not. Jim would rather his failures were kept secret. He must be very secure indeed in his sexuality.

Emma’s been invited to a wedding: Sun 14.10.12

The Archers Sunday 14th October 2012

• Fallon’s never been for a job before
• The Bull’s dishwasher is very noisy
• Emma has a guinea pig, Pip gets to ski
• Rhys isn’t interested?

Fallon’s never been for a job before

[Jolene] “Working at The Bull is all she’s ever known.”

Lucky Fallon!

Kenton’s confused. He thinks he’s offering Fallon a “golden opportunity” to manage Jaxx, and quite believe she still hasn’t made her kind up whether to or not.

Part of Fallon’s worry is the interview. She’s never had to do one before.

Kenton reckons she won’t really be interviewed for Jaxx.

[Kenton] “Giving her the once over.”

Fallon seems to believe Kenton’s guarantees, and says yes.

[Jolene] “Just spare a thought for me, stuck here with him.”

[Kenton] “What, your willing slave doing all the heavy work? You’ll have never had it so good.”

The Bull’s dishwasher is very noisy

Even for an industrial one. I could barely hear Jolene and Kenton talking.


Emma has a guinea pig, Pip gets to ski

[Pip] “That’s so unfair, some time to yourself and you’re on guinea pig duty.”

(seriously – will someone save that guinea pig? It should be a pleasure, not a chore, to look after it)

Pip’s going on a skiing holiday after Christmas. She’s got new clothes, and is quite excited.

Emma’s been invited to a wedding.

In London.

Which gets Pip excited again.

[Pip] “WOW! … A posh wedding in London, hot often does that come around?”

(has Pip never been to London?)

Seems Emma’s invite is from Jody, a girl she went to school with. Emma reckons she was the “one that got away”, and then met a rich bloke. Sounds like that’s exactly what Emma wishes had happened to her.

But, Emma can’t afford to go. Amongst all the other cost, she hasn’t got anything to wear.

Pip offers her some of her clothes:

[Emma] “We’re not really the same shape …”

[Pip] “I suppose not. I’m quite a bill taller than you.”

(hmmm. Who’s the ‘larger’ lady out of the two, do we think?)


Rhys isn’t interested?

Fallon tells Rhys about Kenton’s offer. Rhys is excited for her.

[Rhys] “You're made for it. I’m so pleased Kenton’s recognised your talent.”

Oh.

Doesn’t that sound like Rhys isn’t too bothered he won’t get to work with Fallon anymore? Maybe he isn’t interested in her.

Or is he just a good chap, being happy for her rather than thinking of his own needs.

Sabrina Thwaite had an “interesting idea”: Fri 12.10.12

The Archers Friday 12th October 2012

• Lilian doesn’t want a  drink
• Fashion Shows
• Kenton’s wants to swap with Fallon
• Free entertainment for Ed and Emma
• Joe left his teeth in the shop
• George got a karate suit
• Will nobody think of the guinea pig?

Lilian doesn’t want a  drink

Blimey.

Things between her and Matt must be rock bottom if she doesn’t even want a wee gin in The Bull.


Fashion Shows

[Kenton] “I’m glad you’re sitting down. You’ll need to be. Sabrina Thwaite’s just said something interesting.”

Seems she’s been talking about the popularity of fashion shows at the King’s Head.

Kenton’s listening, and thinks it’d be a grand idea for The Bull.

Aye, I’m sure a fashion show would make things up to Bob Pullen after Tug Fowler.


Kenton’s wants to swap with Fallon

After their extended holiday, Jolene and Kenton are finding it difficult settling back into not spending every moment of every day together.

So, Kenton wants to swap with Fallon. She to work at Jaxx, he to work with Jolene at The Bull.

Sounds like a bad idea to me.

Is it ever good for a relationship to be with each other 24/7?


Free entertainment for Ed and Emma

Ed tried to get his leg over.

[Emma] “There’s always later on.”

[Ed] “Yeah. And it costs us nothing!”

It’d also be a superb stress release for them.


Joe left his teeth in the shop

Susan had to disinfect where they’d been.

[Ed] “He’s got so used to taking his teeth out, he says it’s more comfortable”.

Yuk!


George got a karate suit

George came home from Will’s with a new karate suit.

Emma was furious.

George could have done his karate perfectly well in a t-shirt and jogging bottoms. As most other kids do.

What’s worse, what George actually needs is new shoes and jeans.

[Emma] “Why do you think he’s doing this? This is Will isn’t it? Rather than doing the decent thing, coming and talking to me and then maybe putting up George’s money a  bit, goodness know he can afford it, no, he does things Will’s way … stuff George doesn't want or need, stuff that costs us money and time and effort, like that flipping guinea pig.”

Will nobody think of the guinea pig?

I think the RSPCA need to be called …

An Elizabethan Christmas: Thurs 11.10.12

The Archers Thursday 11th October 2012

• It’s audition time
• Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match
• How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?
• A Shakespearian Selection

It’s audition time

For the Christmas show, though Lynda has a longer list of definite no shows than folks who have agreed to turn out.

Tom, Brenda, Roy, Hayley, Kenton and Jolene reckon they won’t be taking part (aye, Lynda will see about that …).

Neville, Nathon, Susan, Tracey and Kirsty are maybes.

Even Ifty, in his keenness to be part of Ambridge (or, to be more exact, Kirsty) is a maybe.

[Lynda] “He adds something to the cast.”

[Robert] “A degree of masculinity.”

Then Lynda made mention that she has Jazzer in mind for Borachio … isn’t Jazzer masculine enough for all?

Anyhoo – Lynda wants Fallon for the romantic lead. Jim’s also popped in (not to volunteer, more to meddle), and he reads Benedick to her Beatrice. It’s not very … romantic … but luckily enough Rhys also pops by. He reads Benedick, and they’re marvellous together.

Ah, here we go again.

Will Fallon get her leading man this year?

But, there’s not enough volunteers to make a play.

[Lynda] “All the regulars are deserting.”

[Robert] “We’re not going to solve anything hanging about in a deserted village hall at night.”

So they head home for a “large one”.


Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match

Kathy’s really putting a lot of thought into whether she should let Jamie leave college to be a tree surgeon. She’s even asking Mike’s advice.

She reckons the only time he shows any enthusiasm is when he has a chainsaw (yikes!) or is working with Mike. Jamie just hates college, and doesn’t get good grades.

[Kathy] “Well I don’t know. Is it true? If he left school now, could he really make a career out of tree surgery?”

[Mike] “He’s definitely got a feeling for trees.”

Mike also reckons Jamie has the perfect makings. He’s interested. Asks the right things. Has enthusiasm and uses his brains (when it comes to trees). Any anyway, Jamie would need qualifications, and could possibly do a degree later on. So he wouldn’t be completely abandoning education.

[Mike] “Not every child is academic Kathy, but it don't mean they can’t get on in life, eh?”

Ah, that’s why Mike’s being so positive. He’s thinking of his child, and though she might not get a 1st from Cambridge, it doesn’t mean she won’t have a cracking life.

Though hopefully his wor4ds will encourage Kathy to let Jamie actually be happy.


How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?

He reads the papers.

Or that’s what he told Lynda …


A Shakespearian Selection

Robert’s really very good at coming up with good ideas.

Lynda’s quite upset that she hasn’t got a sufficient cast for Much Ado … so Robert suggests:

[Robert] “Instead of doing any whole play, what you should do is a Shakespearian selection.”

So, rather than a whole play, folks can do shot speeches, dance, music and the like.

Which will also mean no long rehearsals, with each person doing a turn able to rehearse solo.

Which, in turn, should make it easier for more to volunteer.

[Lynda] “A real Elizabethan Christmas!”

[Robert] “Jugglers, Fire-eaters … “

[Lynda] “Health and safety, Robert.”

[Robert] “They didn’t have to worry about that at The Globe.”

[Lynda] “Didn't it burn down?”

[Robert] “I tell you what, I’ll build you a Globe Theatre.”

[Lynda] “An Elizabethan Christmas … what better way to mark the end of a Jubilee year.”

Indeed.

Shame it’s not a Panto, but.

*sniff*

Tom terrifies Brenda: Wed 10.10.12

The Archers Wednesday 10th October 2012

• Matt’s playing it dumb
• Tom has a freezer (but still not a kitchen)
• Phoebe nae mates
• Jamie nae mates
• James is coming home next week
• Tom’s chosen his and Brenda’s home

Matt’s playing it dumb

Matt’s have a casual chat with Lilian about Darrell’s new work at St. Matthews, restoring the Lady Chapel. He’s wondering if it’s a local firm doing the work …

He knows.

She knows.

One would have thought Matt would be slightly nicer to Lilian, considering Paul is back.


Tom has a freezer (but still not a kitchen)

Seems a place which stores frozen food has lost an order, so can store Tom’s ready meals. (How riveting!).

I’m not entirely sure how that helps, considering Tom hasn’t got a kitchen. Which surely means that he can’t cook the meals to then freeze them.

Ach well, he seems happy enough.


Phoebe nae mates

Phoebe had arranged to go to the picture with her friends. Then they called to say they were going to an earlier showing, which meant she couldn’t get there in time.

[Phoebe] “They obliviously didn’t want me.”

But at least she has Josh.

Who seems to be spending a lot of time doing work at her place.

[Josh] “I can’t believe you don’t like strimming!”

Well, Phoebe does. Just not next to the electric fence.

[Phoebe] “It’s weird, it was actually easier to go to South Africa and make new friends than trying to get in with the old ones.”

Phoebe reckons her Ambridge friends have “bonded more” while she was away. Well, young lassies will be young lassies.

Josh was wondering if Phoebe’s friends were being “funny” because of Vicky and Mike’s baby.

[Phoebe] “No. I told everyone straight out that the baby has down’s … I’m not embarrassed about it, Josh.”

Good girl.


Jamie nae mates

Kathy’s worrying about Jamie (again).

He doesn’t like College. He hasn’t got any friends at College, what with Marty being in the year below, and him having split up with Natalie.

What’s she pondering? Will she let Jamie leave to go cut down trees?


James is coming home next week

Balls.


Tom’s chosen his and Brenda’s home

Seems Tom’s plan has always been to build his and Brenda’s own house on Bridge Farm land.

As they’re out walking:

[Brenda] “Your pigs have got the best view on the farm.”

Seems they’re up a hill, where Tom used to make holly dens with Helen and John. Happy memories, and (what Tom hopes) will be a happy future.

[Tom] “I feel so lucky, to make a living out of what I love doing. And having a future at Bridge Farm.”

He then shows Brenda the perfect spot for their house … Brenda sounds scared.

When will Tom notice that Brenda is truly not that keen on taking about their future? He seemed to get it when he spoke to Pat the other day, but also seems to just as quickly forget … and push Brenda into a conversation she doesn’t want.

This doesn’t feel like it’s going to end well for Tom.